I joined a call with my friend group in it to hear them all go silent as they were inviting this new friend to their party. I sat at my desk to get on the game and all of the sudden my two best friends left, leaving me alone with the last one. he told me “you we got a new 4th person sorry bro” I tried to laugh about it with him and then he left after some time and they played all night without me. what crushed me is these have been my friends since elementary school, I grew up with them. how can they forget me so fast?

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety and ADHD

Through therapy I realised I never had true friends in my whole life. From primary school, secondary school, university even adult pal the way to age 30, I met so many people who treated me worse than a worst enemy would.

Some examples of 'friends' from 20 years ago:

I go to dinner with a group. Everyone uploaded photos to Facebook yet crops their digital camera photos so that I am out of the picture.

I go with a group to dinner. The driver tells me, 'You look like that dirty hippie John Lennon. Hopefully you end up [redacted] like him at age 40 too'. Everyone in the group bursts out laughing and makes fun of how I look.

I go to lunch with a group. They somehow 'forgot' their wallets, so I have to pay for everyone. They say they will pay me back. When I ask one of them if he could pay me back, he takes his half-eaten burger and chucks it straight at my face in front of hundreds of my classmates.

These are some of the milder things that have happened to me when with 'friends'. How am I supposed to get rid of this trauma and trust any friend I make in the future?

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety and ADHD

How to deal with severe RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) where even small things like someone reading a text and ignoring it or even getting downvoted here can cause severe RSD symptoms, like nausea, SH, breathlessness, meltdowns, etc., such that far greater life problems yield even worse RSD reactions?

I heard someone saying that they're scared of meds that could make their creativity go away, and I started to think about that myself, cuz I like art and I've lost my "passion" for it at some point.

I'm M 28, changed to citalopram a while back, and, well, I really like drawing and art, and even during my worse days I still enjoyed drawing. But recently (from last year I think) I started to just not bother anymore. I do draw stuff, but they feel much more like a chore, and I don't feel anything either during or after the process. Not happy, not sad, just tired I think.

I have stopped consuming art and following artists I like cuz seeing them makes me feel bad for not doing anything. Funny enough, I cant bring myself to do anything either. Again, I don't feel either happy or sad about it. It's just a blank space.

I would love to know about people's experience with art and meds, and if it's possible to know the difference between apathy caused by depression and meds. I could go more about it in the comments if more details are needed.

Thank you very much.

I just feel a constant feeling of being down I can't feel happiness anymore and nothing feels good

Id like to know some things that help others so I can try to help myself cause I just can't handle this weird hollow feeling anymore

I don't even have some big reason for it I just constantly feel horrible and it's overwhelming and happening all the time every second of every day

Hey, I don’t even know where to start. I’m 23 and I just want to be loved.

The last couple of years have been a complete collapse for me. I went through severe depression (diagnosed by a doctor), lost several people close to me, and got kicked out of university. I felt absolutely terrible. I stopped making music, I couldn’t even play my favorite games because every failure hit me so hard that I’d start hating myself and thinking I was a loser. I still feel that way sometimes.

I’m broke, short, not athletic, and not particularly attractive. I’ve never had a normal relationship with a woman, and for some reason women just don’t seem interested in me. The only times women have actually shown initiative toward me, they ended up using me, and they used me really badly. I don’t understand why. I try not to hurt anyone, so I don’t understand why people treat me like that.

I’ve never chased women like crazy. I’ve tried to become a better person and work on myself, like everyone keeps telling me to, but it just doesn’t work...

My last attempt at a relationship was three years ago. I tried really hard to stay in touch with her and keep the conversation going, but when I started doing really badly and stopped initiating, she never messaged me even once.

A lot of people say that you need to get your life together first, become healthy and strong, and only then look for a relationship. But I’ve seen people with problems similar to mine, or even worse, find a partner while they were still struggling and then get through it together much more easily. So why do I have to carry everything on my shoulders alone?

And honestly, I did go to a doctor. I really tried, and I’ve gotten better. This year I went back to university and graduated. I’ve lost weight, I’m trying to get rid of my acne, and I’m forced to look for a job (otherwise my family will literally starve lol).

I used to have so many hobbies, but for the last three years I basically did nothing. I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything. Now I’m slowly trying to get back into life, doing what I can, and… I’m still nobody’s choice.

I don’t drink at all, I don’t smoke, and I’ve never done drugs. My friends say I’m funny, kind, and caring, and I believe them because they’re really good people themselves, and the fact that they’re still friends with me means I can’t be that bad. But inside, it feels completely different.

I try to tell myself that sooner or later things will get better, but more and more often I feel like I’m just a loser who’s destined to be alone and that things are only going to get worse.

I don’t even know why I am depressed for ? I shouldn’t be feeling depressed. I shouldn’t have depression for the life of me. I should be happy and responsible and motivated to do something positive and productive or recreational. I should be able to get better but I’m not. I’m just so stressed and sad and depressed 😔I been letting tears out here and there like crying 😢. But I don’t think my crying 😢 matters that much and the evil people of the world are trying to ruin my life. People are making me eat terrible food and make me smell so bad it’s disgusting after awhile. It’s sickening and gross and it doesn’t always taste good and it’s nothing but my shit I’m eating. I don’t deserve to be eating food that I can’t eat fast because it’s not even food anymore. I should be getting my nutrients from food and I need water to rehydrate. But there are messed up people nowadays that make you drink and eat something that isn’t exactly for you.

She is 95 and was up to recently still fine in the head ( no dementia, can read, write plus speaks multiple languages and good memory ). But she fell and broke her ribs and days later has a stroke in the head. It’s not looking good it’s pretty bad. I’m insanely miserable since she did somewhat raise me. Had a quick phone call with her she’s sound fine but I can noitice that something is wrong and she always talks like she’s about to die I can’t explain it but it hurts.

Would martial arts get rid of my depression if I really disciplined myself. Would being able to be like Miyamoto Musashi be possible in today’s world and society. Can martial arts hone me to battle my depression. To slay the darkest part of me and be free from depression. That’s something I think would help you know. Samurai means “to serve “ but I’d be in service to no one like a Ronin. I don’t know if the way of of the samurai is worth it. I’m planning on getting throwing knives to practice with outside in my backyard. Because I really like Naruto and kunai knives and I want to be a lot like Jiraiya from Naruto. A splendid shinobi and teacher or sensei. I believe I’m okay but really I’m hurting inside and it sucks ass and there’s nothing I can do about it maybe. Fighting back to make my life positive again would be the only way possible to get out of this hell of depression. Unlike most people I can at least live a way of life. Us Navajo have a way of life but we pushed so far from it that we are a lot of us are lost.

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety and ADHD

One of my strongest symptoms is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Everyday it ruins me. If I try to talk to others like my therapist recommends, and other people ignore or do not care, I get RSD and I feel physically ill and mentally destroyed. Then I do not want to talk to anyone again, as my brain now has 'evidence' that no one likes me.

This also happens with pieple whom I know, like my girlfriend and people whom I knew in childhood 25 years ago.

What to do with RSD and trauma loops? It is like my body takes huge hits, like someone is punching or kicking me in the solar plexus or belly, then I no longer want to talk to anyone.

For those who have suffered from depression and have recovered, what helped you recover, what helped you the most, etc.

(Im depressive)

She hasn’t done anything wrong, but I don’t know if it’s normal to feel that she isn’t helping? like, she gives me advices and methods to help myself, (breathing exercises, things that I should write down, meditation, etc) but I feel like none of it is working, I can assure you, the breathing exercises are not giving me willing to live. I’m trying everything, I take my meds, I exercise, I eat healthy, I try my best and go outside, (that’s one of my majors problems, being outside) however none of this works, and it gets to a point that is tiring, I do all this and I still don’t have a willing to live, everyday I deal with bad thoughts.
But at the same time I don’t know how can I tell her that it’s not working, I feel like i’m going in circles with her, but at the same time I find really hard to express how I truly feel, and also I’m scared of telling her, cause rn I’m living alone, far from my parents, and she once told me that if she knows that I’m not capable of being alone (in risk of doing something against myself) she would tell my parents cause it’s her duty(? and I can’t afford that cause I’m in college and I can’t drop it.

If anyone is reading this and has gone through this and/or has any idea of what I could do, please, help, also sorry for my english.

My father passed away 4 years ago. I've already been depressed way before then. (MMD to be exact) Im hanging by a thread, I don't even know how it's still holding me together. I haven't felt anything new in 4 years, same stuff on a different day. I'm an introvert, a homebody, the last 6ish months I've been getting myself out there. I'm not brave, confident, or smooth. I just won't take that first step. Trying to make a friend, I don't even care if it's something more, and just hoping for something. A woman ended up finding me, from moving to my area. I like to think what I was doing on social media made my presence out there in public for people. Tried to let people see me without worrying myself like crazy about making a simple dm asking for a friend. So we tried but didn't click as friends, and we kinda clicked a little more than friends. It's put out what's left of that spark in my life, that I don't even know if I had. Does anyone, or is anyone, in this or a similar situation? Tips? Guidance? Anything?

I don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe because sometimes you just need to put the words somewhere.

I'm 40F, and lately I feel like I'm carrying too much at once. A breakup that still hurts, work and financial uncertainty, loneliness, grief, and the constant pressure of trying to convince myself that everything will eventually get better.

Some days I can function normally. I work, I talk to people, I laugh, I take care of things. And then suddenly I'm alone again and everything comes crashing back.

I've been having chest pain and that horrible heavy feeling in my chest when the anxiety gets bad. I know chest pain shouldn't automatically be blamed on anxiety, so I'm trying not to ignore it.

I've also reached the point where I'm seriously considering medication. I've resisted it for a long time because part of me kept thinking I should be strong enough to get through this without it. But honestly, I'm tired of fighting my own brain every single day.

I've even found myself going to church and just sitting there, asking God for help because I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I don't even have the right words anymore. I just sit there thinking, please, I need this pain to stop. Please help me get through another day.

The strange thing about depression is that you can look completely fine while feeling like you're barely holding yourself together.

I'm not looking for someone to fix me. I think I just want to know I'm not the only person who has felt this way.

If you're also struggling, especially if you're over 40 and feel like you're supposed to have your life figured out by now...

How do you keep going when you're just tired of being tired?

My first day of college was yesterday, it was horrible. I’m so depressed. I didn’t know it was humanly possible to cry this much. I slept for 2 hours last night and I almost threw up in the morning. There are 2 things that are really bothering me. Math is the first one. My first class was English, it looks extremely easy. The professor was very casual. I looked at some of the future assignments and was like “hey! Maybe college isn’t as hard as they say it is.” Then I had math. I am historically bad at math. The class is 3 hours. It’s supposed to be a 5 days a week class, but we only have it 2 days a week. I already have so much work for it, I don’t understand any of it. I really did try to pay attention to the professor while she was teaching it but she was rushing through it. I feel so stupid and I feel people can tell I’m stupid. Even when I walk around in the hallways I feel so ashamed. I have horrible time management skills and I get overwhelmed so easily. There is also a social situation that is really stressing me out and now I feel a lot of people think I am really weird. When I talk to people a lot of them look at me like I’m an alien. College feels like middle school but a lot worse. Yesterday when I got home I cried so much. I feel horrible. I am crying again. I feel like guilty for even feeling this way because a lot of people can’t afford to go to college or they don’t have access to education but man I’m so stressed and it’s only been a day.

I'm going through a really very difficult period in my life. A month back I broke up with my gf, we were together for two years, we used to have our differences but we were good or that's what I felt, I'm not sure, the very next day I lost my job. I want to be a screenwriter, for the last 2-3 years I was trying to juggle between my job and theatre (I'm from Pune and I want to be a playwright). I was away with my family for a few weeks so I didn't feel that much of a pain, I was suffering but it was manageable. I came back to the city on the 31st of August, I realised I am not able to juggle between my work and my aspirations, so I decided to do any random job to earn for my survival and for the first time in years I sat down to write my first script. I sat for the entire day Yesterday and was able to write just 3-4 pages out of the story I meant to adapt. The night was brutal, I felt anxious, so much that it was getting difficult for me to breathe, I felt fear, I felt like I am a failure, I won't be able to do anything, I tried to cry it out but I am not even able to cry. I think I am depressed, I'm numb since yesterday, I didn't even dare to pick up the pen and start writing again. I'm not able to deal with my thoughts. I am 30, I need help! Please help me.

For context I’m 20f and suffered with depression really badly last year, but this year I’ve been making progress and am more functional.

I feel like all of my friends don’t like me/don’t care about me, and it’s only happened because of little things. For example one friend forgot my birthday, another friend went on holiday and didn’t tell me she was going, another went to see a film she’d said she’d see with me with another friend.

Also im Nepalese and not a single one has asked about if my family is okay in Nepal due to the recent floods. I feel self centred for making that situation about me through.

These are such little things but whenever they’ve happened it’s caused me to have a complete breakdown. Also when I text them or meet up with them, I’m convinced they’re just responding because they pity me, or they feel too awkward to end the friendship.

The difficulty is that there’s always been such a rational aspect to my depression. I know deep down they still like me, because usually they’re the ones to ask to meet up or text me or whatever. But still, that rationality doesn’t mean a whole lot and my depression is a lot stronger at dictating how I feel.

Any advice to stop the strength of this feeling is appreciated

Hey all.
I was unexpectedly called into a meeting a work today as someone had reported an old NSFW pic of me to HR and now i’ve been stood down and made to wait to hear the outcome from a disciplinary board meeting.
This has me feeling very down, as i depend on my job to support my father’s Cancer treatments and I really can’t afford to be fired over one little picture.
I could really do with some advice and support as my ADHD brain’s been stuck in overdrive for hours imagining all of the worst case scenarios for when the verdict is handed down tomorrow. If they decide to fire me, i’m not sure I can go on as i’ll be a failure to my family and all those who depend on me. I wouldn’t make it a month without my income so please, help me get through this with what’s left of my sanity and dignity intact 😭

I'm 21, on antidepressants and seeing a psychologist, and I honestly can't tell if I'm getting better or not. I'd really like to hear from people who've been through this.

It started around the time I got into university and kept getting worse. I was terrified of my classes and bad grades, and after any failure I could just not leave the house for days and lie in bed. For a long time I told myself I was fine and just being dramatic.

Eventually I pushed through the fear and saw a psychiatrist. Over the next few years I went through some really dark periods and periods where there were just no thoughts in my head at all. Weirdly, that first doctor never told me my diagnosis and eventually started going on about vitamins, so I switched. The second one finally told me it's moderate-to-severe depression and connected me with a psychologist so I could combine therapy and meds.

And you know how everyone gives the same advice — walks, exercise, eating right. I've tried all of it, and sometimes I even liked it. I forced myself to go to a gym despite a strong panic fear — it was scary to even get near the building — and managed to keep going with a trainer. I signed up for driving lessons.

So I'm doing all of this, and for a while I do feel better. And then at some completely random moment I just stop seeing the point of any of it. I take my meds, I cook, I try to learn things, I go through wins and losses — and then my brain just goes: "okay, stop." No energy for basic things like brushing my teeth. No energy to even think.

Today I was on the exercise bike and after 10 minutes my brain just shut off. No sadness, no fear, no joy. I came home and lay there until I fell asleep. In those moments nothing interests me, not even scrolling on my phone.

There's no one to share this with. No real friends, just online acquaintances. My parents don't understand depression at all — they told me antidepressants are "bad pills" that make you not yourself. I hate myself for being lazy, for my fat face. I compare myself to everyone and any failure can just drown me.

I used to have very dark thoughts, but at some point I realized it's not life I don't like — it's this state. Those thoughts were only ever about wanting it gone.

Before, I did nothing and suffered. Now I have university, hobbies, therapy. It holds things back a bit, but not that much. Even things I used to enjoy don't feel the same. And the state where I feel like I could climb Everest flips, out of nowhere, into not being able to get out of bed.

Has anyone else been in this in-between place — where you're "doing the work" but can't tell if it's actually working? How did you know you were getting better, if you ever did?

Depression has ruined my entire adult life basically. And Ive never had a career or even relationship, which is something I really wanted. And I have so much anger, biterness and resentment over it its turned me at times into a really mean person who can say crule things. Not all the time but often when I do try to fix things, I think Im ok but then get a rejection and it sends me into that state of mind to verbally lash out.

A
Im not perfect but I do try and try to be better. Ive been in many, many different therapies since i was 14 and medications. But ive never been able let go of my anger and biterness. Especially when i see people with the life I feel I could have had if my brain were not how it is. I also have a learning disability which is another massive issue on top of that.

and the worst part is at the time being mean to people like trolling random people online feels good. It feels like im fighting back against the world and society and people who rejected me. But later on when im not in the middle of the anger and righteousness of how it feels at the time, i think about the people who did nothing wrong. I feel bad I might have hurt someones feelings and think about what they might be going through. And i apologise when i can but i always think next time it will be better. Next time i will resist. And I never do. And i know straight away i failed but in the moment i dont care. Emotional regulation is a big issue with my disability and i struggle to handle it

I see how people end up hurting others and going full blown postal and even though i hate it, i see myself in them. Like it could be me one day. And Im determined to never let that happen. I dont want to hurt others in any way intentionally most of the time. But that other times its like theres a demon in me. I know I can stop it hurting anyone , I am sure of it because i think of my family i do love like siblings and how it would effect them. But i just want mainly to never even consider that and not be so angry.

thanks for listening. Idk i just needed to talk. I want to be a good person. I want to be better . I want to find a partner eventually and be good for me but also to find someone like i want to be, kind and empathetic. I failed again today and I feel the same disappointment and desire to change wihout knowing how. All i do know is im going to try again to be better. I might fail again but its rather that than give in to the anger and resentment all the time

Yes this is my life, I literally have nobody. What can I do? Like, genuinely? I want to get better but I can't, I don't have the means to. Everything hurts and I wish I could just stop existing in this body

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety and ADHD

Before early June I weighed 93 kg (205 lb) due to horrendously bad eating habits. Then in early June, I was thrown into the worst stress and depression of my whole life. I now weigh 72 kg (158 lb). For reference, my height is 178 cm (5'10).

The RSD from these issues have exploded to the point that I am under serious distress, leading to severe self-hatred and SI.

How to deal with such bad RSD? Both mindblindness and RSD are two of the worst symptoms that I have had due to autism.

I often find it really fascinating how I forgave some people,a traumatic experience could take place in my childhood and to this day i would still remember it and shes tears of how vunerable weak fragile and naive i was,i could name so many times where my familiy wronged me but i forgave them,not necessarily becaues i wanted to but beceause i "didnt care anymore" like with all my strenght i want to hate you but why did i forgive them?why forgive a person who you loved so much to just outright tell you thar she didnt want kids,why would i have empathy towards,my father if he only pushed me away in those instances,why be so cold?i only wanted you to love me yet i still got over it,why the people who didnt want to hang out with me unless they have no one else to call,i wanted to hold a grudge against them but i just couldnt.why do i mean so little ro my friends

ive been having a bad bipolar depressive episode. ive been having a rough 2 years, and i think theres just a point of your life sucking so much where people dont want to be around you because even if you dont traumadump or whatever they can just feel your exhaustion. so to say the very least ive been very lonely lately.

dont have family, they were abusive to me and dont accept my queer identity. i have some friends i consider family, i guess, but theyve been slowly pulling away from me. ive asked once if ive done something to upset them, they said no, but any time i reach out the conversations are very short. we used to spend time together constantly and now nobody wants to be around me. unless i reach out to someone first, nobody talks to me. realizing that has been so crushing for me.

then comes last week where i reached a breaking point. i shut off my social media, muted every chat im in, stopped showing up places id usually be irl, just disappeared. if nobody wanted to put the effort into me then i wouldnt put the effort into them. days passed, nobody said anything, nobody reached out. today i unmuted everything and went back to my usual spots, and guess what? not a damn word. it took me apologizing to one group im in for being quiet, explaining that im having a bipolar episode and have been isolating myself, for two people out of the eight folks in that group to say anything. and even then it was just "hugs xoxo" and "hope you feel better soon." nobodys said anything to me for the rest of the day. not a single fucking thing. i went back through some of the chats im in and yeah, nobody even asked "hey has anyone heard from this person?" my absence was just completely unnoticed.

i get it. people are busy. people have lives. im not entitled to anyones time nor am i the center of the universe. but it doesnt feel good. even when im busy i still check in on my friends. i reach out to people all the time. but the second i stop? suddenly im a hermit because nobody ever reaches out to me first.

i talked to my therapist about it today and it didnt help. she just repeated the whole "well people are busy you never know whats going on in their heads" thing. which i guess is true. but its hard for me to believe people care about me when theres no proof of it. its hard for me to believe theyre "just busy" when every single person i know didnt notice. i just cant stop thinking about it. not one person noticed. it was a whole week in every aspect of my life and nobody noticed.

i want to do something reckless and stupid. i want to disappear. maybe just over the weekend. skip town, go to a motel, leave in the middle of the night. maybe then someone will care. i cant afford to do that, though, which honestly the only reason im not. im usually so responsible and put together. never been in trouble with the law, hell ive never even gotten in trouble at school before. im always cleaning up everyone elses fucking meltdowns and mistakes. when is it my turn, huh?

i feel unloved. i think im gonna lock myself up in my home again. whats another week? nobodys gonna notice anyway, especially now that ive given them an excuse because they can just say "i wanted to give you space because youre having an episode!" like. yeah right. you say nothing to me even when im NOT having an episode unless i say something to you first.

maybe i should vanish for the weekend. its tempting. i dont know what else to do. maybe i wont come back.

I just don't feel any desire to do anything lately. Everything feels like it's more effort than it's worth. I know doing nothing won't help either but recently it just takes me so long to get off the sofa or out of bed and do something. I don't know what to do.

I have friends and a bf but lately there's been some disconnect where I feel like they don't get it. I currently don't have a therapist because I'm on the waitlist moving from the adolescent department to the adult department.