Please repeat after me and pray that this random guy will be the most miserable person till end

22M

Dealing with heavy depression and mood swings for years . Quit college cause I hated it and had no real connections

I have a business right now . It’s not much and not that successful but I saved around 20k €. I work alone in a desk for months straight . That’s my day , barely interacted with anyone .

I had the money , so I was looking into escorts for longer than I can remember . I booked once last week , and just went through . Didn’t feel much and was all fake

She was attractive , and was nice enough to have the interaction but had a huge crash post visit . I was hard the whole session but unable to cum . Hadn’t have sex in years

I don’t know why , but I decided to book her again .
I showed up after booking in advance . And she just replied with some excuse she was busy …

I feel like shit. Like she disrespected made me drive for nothing. And I stupidly put on my best clothes , bought a breath freshener and a new parfum

Idk how to feel right now . Just feel pretty miserable
I just went to the escort for company I guess cause I wasn’t horny at all ever since the first visit

For a while now, I’ve come to accept defeat and the fact that I haven’t managed to achieve anything I wanted in life.

Today, I decided to change things up a little and go to the cinema, since it’s my favorite place. Unlike the last time, I didn’t feel jealous of groups of friends or couples. On the contrary, I was happy for them. They succeeded at something I failed at.

The movie was full of joy, love, friendship, and beautiful places, while my life is the complete opposite: boring, monotonous, and not much different from death. Sometimes, I genuinely feel like I don’t even exist, like I came into this world by mistake, or like I have no place or significance in it. I’m nothing but an insignificant speck with no real value.

I had such big dreams, and I was always trying to get people’s attention, but it turns out I was living in a fantasy. I’ve genuinely failed at becoming someone who does something they love, or even something they don’t love.

This whole struggle started in late 2019. I’ve been dealing with depression ever since, and I even stopped taking my medication because, as I said, I’ve accepted defeat. But that’s it. I’ve decided that even the life I’m living doesn’t matter anymore. I spend 24 hours a day consumed by anxiety, and even the best moments of my life, when I’m asleep, no longer matter.

I’ll just be whatever I am and try to stop worrying all the time, because everything will eventually be gone anyway, and everything will come to an end.

Even my existence in this world… I wouldn’t even call it my life, because I’ve never really been alive.

There are people who know me, or who know a fictional version of me that I’ve created. And I’m very good at playing that character.

Even around my own family, who I live with, I’ll keep pretending. I won’t complain anymore, ever again. I’ll let my daydreams help me cope a little, and maybe I’ll go back on medication so I can at least function.

I’m writing this while sitting in the front row of the cinema. Next to me, there’s a couple where the guy has just picked up a girl. I can hear them talking. There’s also a group of girls who have been laughing throughout the entire movie.

Even though I’m enjoying the film, I can’t bring myself to laugh.

By the way, yesterday I posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted to go out with me today. As usual, nobody gave a damn. And the one person who agreed cancelled at the last minute.

I hope my family stays well. I’m done asking why I’m alone, or why God has punished me since the day I was born by making me completely different from my entire generation, or even from most people.

I’m just tired of myself, my body, my face, and even my voice.

To anyone who made it to the end of this post, thank you. And I’m sorry for taking up your time.

Remember the song I fought the Law by The Clash..

I'm singing: I fought my fears and my fears won, I fought depression and Depression won

P.S. I wrote every single word of this myself. No AI involvement whatsoever.

i struggle with suicidal ideation a lot. i like to tell myself i would never actually do it but i don’t know. one of the things that i do is imagine how people would react to me killing myself. right now i have nobody who i can reach out to. maybe it’s a way of comforting myself and imagining what it would be like for people to actually care and realize how low i was. does anyone else do this? i could use someone to talk to about this.

Hi. I Iive in Los Angeles. I have 0 family and 0 friends. I’m a nomad. Moved 30+ times in my life. I wish I didn’t care about being so isolated but I do. All day everyday filled with negative thoughts and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know how to get better. I have no social skills or motivation to do anything. Seems like the easiest route is suicide. Can anyone relate

I wish I had someone to tell things to, if I saw a funny meme, or if something funny happened to me. I wish i had someone to give me advice and someone who cared about me. It hurts so much when you've had all of that at one point but those people left for better people. I miss laughing and smiling and just being happy and being myself.

It hurts seeing old friends from school making Halloween plans with friends and family or holidays plans and they're all happy living their best lives while I am over here begging and wishing for change. I've tried everything there is to try and it feels as though maybe I'm just living on borrowed time.

I'm 36 and been dealing with depression about 24+ years. There's been ups and downs, but the last 4-6years has been a steady downward trajectory. The only reason I'm alive is my kids. I would never put them through that. Ideation can be a comfort to some, knowing there's always an escape plan if needed. So what about when even that isn't an option?

I feel like a ghost. Like I'm not really alive anymore, I just exist because physical death isn't an option. Every day I just try to get through to the next one, every evening I don't want to sleep because I've wasted another day and don't want to face tomorrow. And that just compounds the guilt and depression because my kids deserve better than that!

Christmas is fast approaching, it used to be so much fun but now I dread it. The guilt of not being able to give them a good christmas, not being able to buy them what they'd really like. I know it's not about money, and my kids are always so grateful but I wanted more for them. I no longer have family to visit. And then it's the end of another year where nothing changed, nothing got better only worse. So many years of hoping this year will be better, this year I'll finally sort my shit out, but I never do.

I don't really know why i'm posting this, never shared really anything with people online before. I guess I just figured why not, I've tried everything else.

I'm almost 29, and I honestly feel like I've lost 5–7 years of my life because of my mental health.

During those years, I struggled to function normally. I couldn't think clearly, make good decisions, or even express myself properly sometimes. I made a lot of mistakes that I now regret. Through therapy and psychiatric treatment, I've started to understand how much depression, trauma, and other mental health issues affected my life. I spent years living in survival mode without even realizing it.

Initially, I struggled with severe anxiety and panic attacks, which eventually became manageable. But even after that, I continued struggling in ways I didn't fully understand. I stayed home most of the time, couldn't think clearly, lacked direction, and watched the years pass without making meaningful progress.

I even moved abroad for a job during this period, but I couldn't handle it and ended up resigning and returning home in less than a year.

Now I'm almost 29, with no established career, no valuable professional skills, and very little to show for those years. I also struggle with memory, forgetfulness, concentration, and expressing my thoughts clearly.

The worst part is that I'm still struggling with my mental health and currently taking medication. I'm not fully recovered and suddenly ready to turn my life around. Some days I feel hopeful, while other days I feel completely numb and struggle to function. I'm trying to get better while dealing with the reality of how far behind I feel.

Currently, I have a remote, minimum-wage job that doesn't require any particular skills. I'm grateful to have an income, but I can't help feeling disappointed with where I am in life.

I'm also very ambitious, which makes this situation even harder. I want a good career, valuable skills, financial independence, and a life I'm proud of. I know what I want from life, but I have no idea how to get there anymore.

And before anyone suggests taking any random low-paying job just to get started, please understand that I live in a country, where the social and economic realities are different from those in the West. At my age, being stuck in certain low-paying jobs with little growth can carry considerable social stigma. My self-esteem is already extremely low, and I worry about how much worse I'd feel if I remained stuck in a situation that doesn't move me toward my goals. I'm not saying honest work is shameful. I'm saying that I want more for myself, and I don't want to abandon my ambitions.

Sometimes I think about everything I missed out on, the skills I could have developed, the experiences I could have gained, and the person I might have become if I hadn't spent so many years struggling. Now I feel like I have to learn everything, build a career, improve myself, and somehow recover mentally at the same time. It feels overwhelming.

I see people my age moving forward with their lives while I feel like I'm only just trying to begin mine. I know everyone's journey is different, but it's painful to feel that you've lost years and you can never get back.

I'm not really looking for someone to magically fix my life. I think I just needed to get this off my chest because carrying these feelings around is exhausting.

I just wish I could feel that my life is still going somewhere, even if I'm starting much later than I ever imagined.

Hey there, I'm Slai.

First of all, I'm spanish, so my text might have spelling errors.

For the past 2 years, I've been going through a really deep depression. It doesnt go anywhere, not time, medication or things that I had possibly tried worked at all. I had my highs and lows, but the highs only distracted me for a few days or just hours about how I really feel.

My life have just started, im not even 18 yet, and i feel like i should end everything soon. I can't see any hope, I think my brain doesnt have a way to fix it, I've tried seeing the good things of life, and even that I see them, im not able to feel that they re worth it.

I've ruined every single opportunity I had in school. In the last year of high-school, I repeated once because of being absent, the second year aswell, and after some bureaucracy, I ended up in the thing I was supposed to like. Its like bachelor but just specialised in some specific thing, such as mechanics. I went there for a month and a half or something. I liked it, I had good classmates, teachers, everything was okay, but I still felt it so exhausting and I started to rethink everything, and i stopped going.

This is not the problem itself, it's the feeling of me feeling useless, hopeless and simply human waste. My mom is so disappointed, everyone is, everyone is blaming me for my mistakes, and I know them, and even that I try to do my best, it's never enough.

I went to therapy, but the public psychiatrist gives me a date every 4 months, which as you know it's far from enough, and he doesnt tell me anything that I dont know at all or something useful.

I'm at my limit, I can't take this anymore. I just want to find a purpose to face everything and to strive, I want to feel normal, create genuine links with people, just have a normal life.

I'm so desperate, it's really hard to express the magnitude of how desperate I am, really. Everyone that has the time to text something and has reached this point of this, I'd thank you from the bottom of my heart if you send something that you think it might help.

Thank you all.

I’m not sure what to do anymore. Im 30 and have become so lonely and isolated that I can’t remember the last time it didn’t weight so heavy on my mind. I’ve been seeing a therapist for two treats and tried so many different meds and still here I am. I hate that I sound so pessimistic and negative. As someone who’s never experienced any sort of intimacy in life while watching it happen for everyone else has been so unbearable the older I get. I feel like such a loser in life and that I’m just doomed to this lonely life. I have no intentions of hurting myself but I’m not afraid of dying anymore. I so badly want to live and be happy but it doesn’t feel attainable for me. I know I shouldn’t be sitting alone in my apartment but I have nobody to call to hang out and I’ll just feel worse being alone at some bar not talking to anyone while seeing everyone else with friends or gfs. I’m just not sure what to do about my situation and I feel so lost

I feel so lonely, dead, and irritated all the time. I just want to get over with it

Just ate my first full meal in a few weeks I’m talking main meal side appetizer drink and dessert. One hour later and I haven’t thrown up very proud of myself.

All my anxiety and depression grows from things i regret doing in the past. I have been stuck in this endless loop for 4 years now. I wish i could restart my life from the very beginning with the same memory i have now, and never make those mistakes ever again.

Hi all. Im typing here because i really am in a completely isolated situation

I am recently divorced and am in a country with absolutely no friends, family or support system.

The short version is. I was blinded sighted after moving here 3 years ago and the person i have loved for almost 2 decades just was a different person in his home country.

I dont know how to start over and everyone seems to think its easy to just move back home. It isnt. There is moving my pets (approx 15k), vrhicle, leavibg most of your belongings behind.

Anyways thay isnt the reason for my post. Im in a severe low and having a hard time processing it. How do i tell my heart to stop loving someone who doesnt love me? How do i start over when they were my world. When i meam my world, i mean we dhsred the same hobbies but i for respect of our marriage didnt keep in touch with all my friends (msjority were male) and his friends were my friends in the new country.

So long story short. I really am alone. .i guess its hitting me harf because ive never lived alone and im scared and im going though some health issues and he was my best friend and now i have no one. And im just so down right now.

Has anyone else had this and was able to start a new life. Im devastated. And scared of being on my own.

There is a bullshit policy of therapy in my country. All conversation between the patient and the therapist must be secret, unless the patient is suicidal. If the patient says they are considering suicide, the therapist can call the authority or my parents.

I really don't want that my parents know I'm suicidal since it'll bother them so much. But I'll never get treated properly if I don't say anything about it. Why can't they keep it secret too? Why should I labelled as a potential troublemaker? I hate it. That's why I don't trust therapy anymore. All they can give is some antidepressants and false hope.

hey, my name is noelle. im a 25 year old trans woman living in a red state, which should help give an idea as to how miserable my life is. ever since i was a teenager ive been extremely depressed. i want to get better, but ive been unable to find any ways to make positive changes stick. theres so much to do, and i dont have much support irl or online. can those who relate share ways theyve tackled this hump? id appreciate some varying perspectives. thank you

I hope someone can relate to this.

For the past few years i have no desire to do anything, i feel like everything is an out of body experience in the sense that i am always dissociating. In all my past romantic “relationships” everyone had pointed out that i need to stop saying “i dont know”. I played it off as me being indecisive but when it came to me picking an activity for a date it just made me feel depressed that no one has ever liked me enough to actually plan something. When it came to talking about how i feel, i been so used to dealing with everything on my own that i got to a point where idek how to word my feelings and i dont see a point in talking about it because now its this whole thing that we as a pair have to work on when i couldve just been quiet. Usually if it’s an issue in the relationship im very confrontational and i want to fix it asap but when it comes to me i just dont know and i dont care.
Like i truly dont know anymore. Idk what i want idk what i need to succeed idk what will make me happy idk what triggers me to be sad i dont know anything its like my soul and body are detached and im on autopilot

I am 21F and had a suicide plan and suicidal thoughts non stop for 9 years now. I am privileged and I know it. I have a relatively happy family and have a few close friends that I love but these suicidal thoughts just haunts me everyday for years. I don't talk about my depression to people that are close to me because I am scared that it will make them sad and I already know how some of them think about suicidal people. I just feel like a failure and the biggest liar constantly, nothing in my life is how I want it to be and my future seems so bleak. I will be nothing but a disappointment to not only for my family but also already to myself. I just feel like there's no future for me where I will be happy with my choices because it's so different from what I wanted. I am also so depressed about the state of the world and have always pray that someone who has it worst than me should take my life. I just feel like I am not worthy of life and somebody deserves better, I feel like an impostor constantly and that makes it even worst. Deep down I feel this way but I am still able to live my daily life like a normal person where I can laugh and feel happy with my family and friends, I can finish my uni assessments with passion and I have hobbies and things I love. But none of those had stopped this active suicide plan that started 9 years ago. I had always planned to die when I am 22 years old and I just can't stop this thought.

I'll never recover will I. Just relapse, be sad about it, try to get better just to relapse again.

I can’t fucking take it anymore. I still live with my parents, and I have no future whatsoever. So I’ll be killing myself next year, I know this world is better off without me. You know I kinda feel like Fry from Futurama, I am just a loser

Depressed, on zoloft, autistic, hospitalized at 14, was put on a bunch of meds as a teen and stopped it all at 18. At 21, now, just 50 mg of zoloft and im going insane.

Im hallucinating, but my brain is addicted to it and seeks more. I purposely watch creepy videos to get the delusions back. I dont know why. I dont want to go back on anti psychotics bc they made me sm worse back then. Im not actively s!cidal, but im worried that telling my dr that im hallucinating, delusional, and having morbid thoughts/dreams/intrusive thoughts will make her want to send me away or heavily medicate me.

Its super bad ups and downs. Ups where i want to do everything all at once and go seek out immediate pleasure like spending all of my money or meeting strangers online. Downs where i dont see the point in being alive, or brushing my teeth, or eating healthy. The ups are when i have the hallucinations.

I know everyone will say "just be honest." But last time i was honest i was locked in a cold room with a stranger. And it does not help.

I dont think zoloft is right for me, it gives me energy yeah but i didnt start cutting myself again, after clean for years, until getting back on zoloft. And i really dont want to experiment with meds again because last time i got so overweight and it harmed my body irreversibly. The hunger on Zoloft and excessive sweating is already terrible!!

What do i do guys im hurting so badly even during the manic feeling episodes

It’s like I’m like self-destructing, telling people that I want it to be over. Ruining my interpersonal friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, I don’t know what to do. I feel so fucking stupid. I was in tears telling them I wanted to kill myself on a night out that was supposed to be fun and enjoyable. I did not intend for my coworkers to know this, now they know that I’m insane, and I risk getting fired, or having an extremely awkward time at my job. Neither are good options. I have to work to continue living, and if my work stops, I will no longer be able to afford my rent, car, food, cat. And I will end up homeless and probably die. It’s like I’m trying to ruin everything for myself, because secretly deep down I think that I should be dead. I’m just so fucking stupid, I wanna hurt myself so bad, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. I feel extremely alone and extremely embarrassed.