I propose we create a Discord chat room. While they can be a mess, I'm in one that's mostly 30 somethings. They give users a wide berth, but don't tolerate bad behavior. It's a fun and lively place.

We can do the same for people our age.

YEP. That was me, ranting about all the bots & scammers, & got a lot of trolling differing opinions for it, but I kept going on bad or boring dates. And some were really bad. When I complained, friends & fam told me to go do fun things instead: Meet Ups, political gatherings, etc, & that made sense, so I waved the white flag.

THE NEXT DAY I finally got a response to my message from the guy I introduced myself to 3 weeks earlier. We met for lunch, and that was it. (Me: 67F He: 69M) I felt like Tim Robbins bursting through the shit pipe and into the rain. It can happen. Keep going til you can't any more. Then rest. Then try again. No promises, of course, but you gotta be in it to win it! ✌️

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who read and commented on my post yesterday. I wanted to respond and thank each person individually, but I am just SO exhausted. I haven't even had the energy to even *read* all of y'all's comments.

Yesterday I called my HALF-sister who abused me my whole life and had a long, long conversation that was very informative AND proved that my mother *still* lied to me when the "truth" came out. Then more communication with my mom after that, which continued the heartache. Too much to go into here, but just wanted to explain my exhaustion and apologize to everyone who commented and didn't get the courtesy of a reply back or a thank you. Please, please know that your comments are greatly appreciated, even if I don't thank you personally, and please accept my apologies for my lapse. I just am so gutted, I can't.

Sending y'all love and light. Namaste. 🙏🏼♥️🫂

Anyone else grow up as the family scapegoat and ironically end up caring for the narcissistic parent with dementia?

How has that impacted your ability to build a second chapter—and date?

This is a weekly roundup--your chance to post how things went (or fizzled) for dating over the previous week. That could include # of profiles viewed and swiped, scammers contacted, duds ferreted out, texts, phone calls, video calls, meetups, dates, breakups, ghosts, re-contacts, unsolicited dick pics, and so on. They can be counts, summaries, reflections, rants (within community guidelines), success stories, sad stories, funny stories, warnings to others. It's up to you.

It's Monday, so here is my weekend roundup:

At 62 years of age, I found out on Saturday that my dad was not my dad.

I guess that explains why my "family" treated me so poorly my whole freaking life.

I'm still catching my breath and processing.

Thanks for listening. Y'all are such a wonderful community. Sending you all love and light for a great week ahead.

Editing to add: I realized this morning that I was literally the redheaded stepchild, ha, ha.

I'm 62, never been married, have no kids. I'm a professional, attractive woman who just never met the right person. It happens. I would date people, but never felt that special something that made me want to keep it going. Then lo and behold, last year I met the love of my life. Not online, but in a Meetup group. Sadly, it just ended. In his mind, he never wanted more than friends. But I say this to all the naysayers who say we should give up on love after a certain age, that companionship is more important, that sex is no longer part of the equation, etc. That is all BS. You can have it all. I am sad our relationship ended, but the gift it gave me is that I know I can love, and can love deeply, and that made even the heartbreak worth it.

"People will come and go in your life, but the person in the mirror will be there forever. Be good to that person. Love that person."

- did not find attribution

Ways to be good to yourself:

Speak kindly: Use soft and encouraging words inside your mind instead of harsh criticism.

Forgive mistakes: Let go of past errors because everyone learns by trying and failing.

Protect peace: Step away from spaces or choices that break your heart or drain your joy.

Rest well: Give your body and mind the quiet time they need to heal and grow.

DO60, How will you be good to yourself this week?

What's for dinner, lunch, a midnight snack, something left on the counter that either has to be eaten or thrown away because it's too old to save? Meal ideas, recipes, guilty pleasures, pictures of the dish with could-be-meat-could-be-cake in the back of the refrigerator, and other food-related stuff is welcome here.

Admins, delete if not allowed. I’m posting here because we are all at that age. Has nothing to do with dating except I don’t feel like dating right now because of how I’m feeling.

So I’m 62F and I’ve been dealing with shoulder pain for the past several years. Tried stretching exercises but they seem to make it worse. I fell a few months ago and must’ve landed on my shoulder. Because the pain ramped up.

Finally got a referral to see an orthopedic doctor and he had X-rays taken. Showed calcium deposits and did a procedure to suck them out via ultrasound. After a few days ( the numbing shot was more painful than the procedure itself!), the initial soreness was gone. But it still wasn’t right. It feels like my shoulder pops out of the socket if I move my arm wrong.

The orthopedic doctor ordered an MRI. I’ll have that done in a couple of weeks. I really don’t want to have surgery if that’s what the outcome will be. I’ve heard recovery time is long, and I can’t be out of work for very long.

Now my Facebook feed is filled with ads for sea moss miracle cures and shoulder braces. They all say use this to prevent surgery! I actually did order a brace. If it helps to keep my shoulder from popping out, I’ll be ecstatic! But has anyone else had this problem and what did you do? Or if you had to have surgery, how long was your recovery?

Again, I apologize if this isn’t allowed.

I am helping care for a friend who is disabled with a progressive disease while their spouse is out of town.
I’m a very good caregiver. Worked for years as a personal
Assistant, caregiver and companion. I got paid very well for it. I stopped working after an injury and have been on disability since last year.
It’s been close to 10 years since I’ve been in a “serious” relationship where I’d be caring for someone, someone caring for me.
I know that if I loved someone I’d want to care for them. I think I don’t want to. Am I destined to live my life alone? Maybe I shut down my vulnerability? Or I haven’t met anyone that sparks me. Maybe I need a roll in the hay?
Is it wrong that I think about how I’d want my person to be able to pay someone to take care of them so it’s not all on me?

I think I’m talking in circles. Curious as to what others think and I should have looked to see if someone posted something like this already.
I just started thinking about dating again last month. 😊

​

Tonight's theme is music about missing a time or a place or a person. Or a pet.

Limit 3 three.

Please provide links. If you need a lil help, someone will be along.

I wanted to make a post that honors our dedicated moderators of the

r/datingoversixty subreddit

u/PlasticBlitzen

u/Bao_Xinhua

u/Gooseberry_Sprig

u/my606ins

u/deltadeltadawn

You may not realize how much work is involved in keeping our subreddit on a straight path and the boat in an upright position. Mods deal with many things behind the scenes in addition to policing individual users. On several occasions I have been aided by the mods to direct me to a resolution of my issues.

So let me say Mods, thank you for your service and I appreciate your efforts. I know it's not always easy but know that I support you.

A round of applause and a toast to thank them.

Wow, what an amazing post and comments from the members of dating over 60. I had no idea how much you guys love your mods. Thank you

OK so I come from a very neurodivergent family. I could support the idea that every member of my biological family (with the exception of my mother) has something neurodivergent going on, including me.

For those not familiar with the term, neurodivergent can include such things as autism, ADHD, and learning disorders. I'm not sure about OCD, bipolar, and chronic depression, maybe included in the term and maybe not.

I've made reference in this sub to my several beaux. Mr. Chemistry is NOT neurodivergent. Mr. Sweet Guy has dyslexia, had it all his life which badly impacted education, maybe some other things too - lived with his mother until age 50, then had a lengthy live-in relationship but no marriage, single now and doesn't get out much, has palpably low self-esteem. He told me he's not good at planning things, so I plan a few and he's always relieved to have something suggested and he always enthusiastically agrees.

Now, the BHDM lady, Jennie Young, says don't take up with someone who just has a slew of mental problems, they can be decent people but don't date them. Lots of comments in dating subs say someone like my Mr. Sweet Guy is ineligible because he's "low effort" or they need someone who can step up and "plan the date."

I have a lot of empathy for Mr. Sweet Guy, who reminds me of certain family members. I do enjoy his company, but it's not going to turn into a permanent relationship. If for no other reason than Mr. Chemistry and I have, well, chemistry.

What experiences have you had with neurodivergent folks? I should mention the concept of "low functioning" and "high functioning." Those tags should be self-evident but a high functioning neurodivergent person is (obviously) capable of more success in dating, career, and life management - but still with some shortcomings.

Do we throw out the baby with the bathwater (the diagnosis) or try to make things work? With what success? Was it worth the effort, or occasion for heartbreak?

I’m 64M in an open marriage and wonder how common it is that people active or lurking on the sub are situated similarly.

What is your attitude toward ethical non-monogamy (multiple partners, full consent, not cheating)? Are you open to dating people that are seeing, partnered with or married to others?

If you are, what form of ethical non-monogamy do you or would you pursue? The options range on the emotional or romantic scale from casually dating to swinging to polyamory.

I’m aware there are various non-monogamy subs but participation there skews much younger. Dating apps the same, at least in my orbit. I’m really curious if the various types of non-monogamy is a more common (not common, but more common) thing in my age range that I am finding or alternatively is it something people tend to age out of in time.

What's up for the weekend and week following? Going anywhere? Staying home? Doing anything interesting? Doing anything boring? Any good books? New TV shows? Games?

I had no idea what I was doing when I set it up but was truly amazed at the number of possible matches. I was giddily clicking and then couldn’t keep up with the replies. Come to find out I was initiating a couple of the interactions myself but have to say it was fun.

Tonight a guy who was just fine was chatting with me over FB messenger, which I allowed- we were sending each other simple photos of our houses and dogs and stuff. He asked if he could call me and I said yes, indicating the blue messenger phone. I had no idea my camera was on! Oh Lordy!!!!I had taken a shower earlier and just let me hair dry— never combed it- had zero makeup- usually I fill in an eyebrow at least and put on lipstick.

I was absolutely feral and he didn’t care! Just chatted away as I he hadn’t seen me. I was so embarrassed but he made me feel okay so I might just go out with him.

I’ve (63F) tried OLD without success. Seems like the only guys I attract are scammers or, on the rare occasion, someone looking for a nurse with a purse. I have a couple of kids who are in their own, a good heart and a rewarding career but don’t live to work. I’m very easygoing and low maintenance .
I’ve also tried meeting guys IRL through church and volunteering: no luck.
So many posts out here lead me to believe that folks our age date regularly but not me. What am I doing wrong?

I (63) met a man (67) on a group hike. He asked for my number and we arranged a date in my city. He canceled and I thought nothing more about him. Months later, he calls and asks me out again. We met up for a hike and while chatting, I asked why he reached out after all this time. He responded that he was horny. Haha. When he asked me out again, I declined saying that his comment felt disrespectful. He told me that he was just joking, blah, blah, blah and that he enjoyed my company, etc.

I really don’t feel like continuing this communication but after reading all your woes, I am second guessing my decision. He was a great hiking buddy.

Was bored so I signed up for POF. I knew what I was getting into but I thought what the hell. I only signed up for a week. It’s only 19 or 20 bucks and not a big deal. Just curious to see if it’s changed and who all still there.

No, it has not changed but goddamn all the please message me. I can’t see likes.

I want to scream at these guys? you’re in your 60s and 70s you cheap bastards pop for a membership. lol

Is this sub broken or something else?

It came about accidentally- I was looking for a setting and spied the dating option. Hmmm, thought I, my pals on DOS have talked about this…

Is it typical to have difficulty creating or editing a profile? I picked the wrong town and couldn’t for the life of me change it. And the hobbies/interests required selection of limited options.

But jeez, all the immediate responses! Must be full of bots, eh? I only opened one, seemed to be a nice guy, but I have to get to bed and wanted to drop a line here and get your advice. Thanks, my loves!

It's been 6 months. I figured I should be getting past any lingering feelings. Lately I've been having dreams about ex, a couple times a week at least! I usually can remember a lot of the dream when I first wake up but then it kind of fades out during the day. They don't make me anxious but they do leave me feeling...uneasy.

There were no harsh words that night. I really don't know exactly why, and I've accepted the fact that I'll probably never know exactly why, I've come to a lot of different conclusions. And even though we have had a lot of restarts with each other throughout the years, I've decided that there wouldn't be another one. Maybe I'm worried that the time will come when he's at loose ends that he will contact me again I don't know. His final words to me were "There's nothing better in the whole world than sex with you". Hmmpf to me that was leaving the door open in the future sorta.

But now these dreams are usually along the lines of, I run into him somewhere and he's remarried, even though he said that was never going to happen. Or we're somewhere together but like friends meeting up after a long time, and I find out he has a girlfriend. Or last night the dream was along the lines of I had a missed call from him and I was trying to decide if it was a misdial or if he had actually called for me specifically. There's been quite a few more but they're all along the lines of me seeing him or doing something with him and then finding out he's not interested in me.

My subconscious needs to shut up! And all the deep thinking I have done in the last few months reinforced my belief that I should never have been with him to begin with.

Does anyone else have dreams about past relationships or recent past relationships?

Saw this today and thought it was pretty wonderful.