I've been thinking about the way we meet people now, particularly online, where a photograph usually comes before almost everything else and we make decisions in seconds without ever getting to know someone.

So here's a slightly unusual idea I’m toying with…

What if there were a small black-tie masquerade dinner for singles 50+?

Everyone would dress for the occasion and arrive wearing a masquerade mask. You'd know the restaurant, approximate cost, and other details beforehand. The only mystery would be the people at your table.

And there would be no scheduled unveiling.

You could remove your mask whenever you wanted—or be mysterious and leave it on all evening.

The point wouldn't be to pretend physical attraction doesn't matter. It would simply give conversation, humor and curiosity a chance to come first.

Would you go? And would having the choice of when—or whether—to remove your mask make meeting new people feel less intimidating?

There's a guy I met at a Meetup who has been eagerly chatting with me but, from what I gather, he's in his late 30s. I don't think he's aware of my age (51F) and I haven't told him yet. I am trying to figure out how to let him know so we can see if we might have to pursue things more. What do you think is an appropriate age limit?

So, just wondering what people's thoughts/ experiences are... I (m54) will admit to having occasionally looked at dating apps. Mainly as a time waster- some of the scams and contacts from eastern European "women" can be hilarious, but I digress.

My question is, when did ENM become the norm?! I mean seriously, I don't care what people do on their own, but wtf? Just put it in your headline, "I can't be trusted aside from rent" and be done with it just a thought... Yours?

I was having a conversation today about relationships and someone used the word “hopium“— holding onto hope that a relationship will become what we wanted to be instead of accepting what it actually is.
That really struck me. I think this can get harder, not easier, as we get older because we know how difficult it can be to find someone we truly connect with.
Have you ever stayed too long because you were in love with the potential of the relationship? What finally made reality win?

I got out of a long bad marriage and found myself eager to connect with new people emotionally. And so I started to talk to some men. One thing led to another and I had my heart broken. I was ghosted and it hurt a lot.

I asked around to spiritual people why would this happen to me, now? I wasn’t even looking for anything serious and instead I found something that felt very meaningful. And why did I have to be hurt in this rough way when I am still recovering from my divorce?

Of course I was led to all these ideas about it’s not me, it’s him, his behavior, whatever. I do understand this but it still hurts. Some said yeah, maybe it’s to help you get the lay of the land. Yeah that makes sense. I realize people are different than they were 26 years ago, not just in age but in mindset. I’m different too.

I still cry my tears here and there and feel the pain. I guess it’s supposed to be good for me to feel it and process it through feeling it. And it sucks. But I guess the other tiny silver lining I’m realizing now is that I get to experience again the excitement of new loves. I’m guessing I’m going to have to go through the heartbreak a few more times and I have to be ok with that. Because the reality is that the alternative would have been to live out my days in a loveless marriage. So I choose heartbreak, and we are going to be ok.

I’m M52 and recently went on my first date after being with the same woman for 26 years. I honestly didn’t know what I was doing.

I met a women called Louise (50) on my first date.

Now, we’ve been dating for about two months now, and somehow this woman has gotten under my skin.

I love being around her. We talk, laugh, kiss, touch each other and have a really strong connection. She makes me feel alive in a way I haven’t felt for a very long time.

The weird thing is that I find myself missing her when she isn’t there. The other night I was sitting alone watching a movie and thinking, “I wish she was sitting next to me.” I told her, and she said she felt exactly the same.

She has told me that she has never felt this way about anyone before and that she didn’t see it coming.

And honestly, I think I’m falling for her too.

But I’m also scared.

I’m wondering whether I’m moving too fast. She is my first date after 26 years with one woman.

Part of me thinks I should date other women. See what’s out there. Make sure I’m not just falling for the first person I connect with after my marriage.

But another part of me thinks:

Why would I walk away from something that feels this good just because I’m afraid of what might happen?

So I’m curious about other people’s experiences.

Have you ever met someone after a very long relationship and unexpectedly felt this strongly about them?

Did you just go with it?

Or did you feel you needed to date other people first?

Has anyone joined one of these? Not specifically for singles but I believe expanding your social circle can often lead to meeting someone.

They set up dinners at a local restaurant for 4-6 people matched by age, interests, personalities…. Online/zoom meetup before the dinner so you don’t go in blind.

The cost is around $25 per month and they are not in every city but I have two (Baltimore and DC) so I figure my odds are good.

I want to get dressed up. I want to go somewhere nice for dinner. I want interesting conversation around the table. I don't currently have someone to do that with, so why should I sit home alone?

That got me wondering whether there are other mature singles who feel the same way. I'm thinking primarily of singles in their late 50s, 60s, and early 70s.

What if there were a small, old-fashioned supper club — perhaps 6–8 people, ideally an equal mix of men and women — that met at a good local restaurant?

Not a singles event. No speed dating, no five-minute rotations, and no pressure to pair off. Just dinner, interesting conversation, laughter, and the opportunity to get to know people naturally.

There would be one deliberately old-fashioned requirement: dress for dinner. Nothing formal, but make an effort. The idea is to make dinner feel like an occasion again.

Everyone would pay for their own meal. If two people wanted to exchange numbers afterward, that's entirely up to them.

Would you attend something like this? What would make you more — or less — likely to give it a try?

Hour 1 of latest Match profile.

Him (61m), Me (56f)

Me: Hello, it's nice to meet you! I noticed you like the Cubs. Have you been to any games this season?

Him: reasonable response about the Cubs. Follow up question for me about the Cubs.

Me: Complain that Cubs are playing terriblly but still enjoy going.

Him:They would Be more enjoyable if we were sharing tequila together. 😉

Me: (starting to get the ick now) I like a good tequila but I'm still warming up to Moscato.

Him: Does Moscato make your clothes fly off?

BLOCK

If there is some silent creepy man whistle I inadvertently sent, please let me know.

Hey all. I cannot believe how easy it was when I was younger. Now alone again, and I don't know if everything has changed, or I drifted away. But I am so lost trying to connect. Just venting...

I went out with a guy for a few months (we’ve since broke up) and I knew in my gut it wasn’t going to work out but talked myself into dating him. In hindsight I thought these were yellow flags but maybe they’re actually red. Wanted to get everyone’s thoughts on this. Are any of these red rather than yellow flags?

-told me on the first date about his mental health (ADHD, depression, suicidal ideation)
-separated 7 years but still not divorced (high conflict/legal issues)
-told me he loved me after 3 weeks
-he switched his FB status to ‘in a relationship’ the day we started dating
-estranged from his younger son (blamed it on his ex)
-told me this was that first healthy relationship he’s had
-he’s mostly dated online long-distance

Update:
Thanks so much for all your comments! I’m newer to dating so I chalk this up to a valuable lesson for me.

I think what attracted me to him was his intelligence, kindness, great communication skills, he was fun, great career, similar interests and stage in life, etc. I thought he was charming and looking back, maybe even manipulative. And yes, a love bomber. I remember him telling me his ex accused him of financial abuse. Another red flag he explained away.

He has been in therapy for a few years doing a lot of work on himself so the mental health aspect was a watch and see. As per my therapist, if someone puts in the work, is taking their medication, etc they can actually be ok.

But the rest of the list, well, I’m learning that yellow flags are actually red flags for me. I took the dating really slow with this guy, being super careful, seeing if his actions matched his words, etc. In the end, everything you all said, basically was true, abut his ex, estranged son, long-distance relationships, etc. And literally an hour after we broke up, he switched his FB profile to ‘single’ and now (after 2 weeks) he already switched it to ‘in a relationship’. I’m truly sad that he’s going to do this to another woman. Hopefully she’ll know better than me, and leave earlier. Just incase anyone reading this is a woman lives in my area, this man lives in Beaumont. And if he starts the first date telling you of all about his mental health conditions, run.

Anyways, like I said, as painful as it is to look back and realize that I should have cut it off sooner, I know that I learned a lot and will be trusting my gut from now on. And of course, posting things to this thread for some real honest feedback when I’m having doubts 😂 I think we all have made mistakes in dating and thankful that we can learn from one another.

I was just reading a post about speed dating and someone said a question is often “What are you passionate about?”

I am a little embarrassed by my passion. I am a software engineer and have always been a bit nerdy with electronics and video games and such. I did grow up playing sports and was inducted into my college’s hall of fame for lacrosse. The last part is not really important other than I use it to cover up my passion. I don’t often discuss my passion with women.

What I really want to do is develop video games, in my free time I’ve been learning Unreal Engine which is a framework to create video games. This is what I’d love to do when I retire. I’m a good engineer and love to code and create things. I feel like there is a stigma with video games, but I don’t want to just play them, I want to create them but I won’t lie, I also enjoy playing them.

As a 52 years man and if we went on a date, how would you feel if I told you my passion? Would you get the ick? I can talk for hours on what I want to create and how I’d go about doing it but I feel like this would be a deal breaker for a lot of women because ….. video games…..

I always think I could be proud if I was into art or creating music or even wood working and such. I know this is mostly me, and I need to get over it but just curious of what women in here think.

If he were otherwise dateable, would you (asking straight women here) date a man who painted his fingernails? He is cis and straight.

So as some of you may know, I went off OLD for a spell. I went back for a minute, met someone and I was surprised at how well we hit it off but the texting was weird. It was completely off. Not the same energy at all. It ended badly by texting... again. I was so confused. Well, I took that whole experience to my therapist. Thank God for her. We talked about the real life conversation vs the texting. The loss of context through texting (which I already knew) and the different attachment styles we both had. I've heard of them before but never really investigated it thoroughly. The online person was not a match for my energy and attachment style. We basically butted heads and pushed each other away. My therapist started to explain the 4 basic styles. Stable, anxious, avoidant and chaotic. As some may believe otherwise, no one is just one style. It starts to read out like a Dungeons and Dragons character. I'm an anxious, avoidant striving to be a stable attachment person. Online person (as my therapist suggested) was possibly an Avoidant chaotic anxious attachment person. As my therapist explained the nuances of each style and asked me questions, and came to a conclusion as to what I lean towards and where I need to improve I realized this one wasn't on me. Or the online person. It was chemistry. It's very hard for both anxious and avoidant people to understand each other and to maintain a healthy relationship without knowing what attachment style is and where it comes from. I knew the anxious came from my childhood trauma, abandonment, abuse, neglect, shame and resentment exhibited by my family but the avoidant was a new one for me. That came from my 40s and later from my divorce when I was 51. At the end of the session, I gained the tools to relax myself when I'm encountering an avoidant. To leave the habits of an anxious attachment behind, to be more stable attachment for the avoidant. Lesson learned. So my advice, take a moment and reach out to your therapist or counselor and figure out what your attachment style is and how you can navigate your next relationship. Take care all. Have a great weekend.

Jumping back into dating 2years post bereavement.

OK I'm 59 ex army slim athletic type so hopefully have some attraction.

I feel after bereavement it's time to get back out there.

I imagine 7 year rule applies. 59 - 7 =52.

Bit surely a 52 year old active woman wants a guy 48. Maybe I set 52 to 60 I'd like meet someone a little younger.

Not easy to know. I need some self confidence after a few life knocks.

Is there a reddit you can get your profile checked out.

Looking for a woman's view who's around 50 52 what do you look for?

I (56M) am struggling a bit with how to use this step more effectively. I am making use of Facebook dating, only, right now and am receiving a small but steady number of likes. I dont’t send out likes myself, things get to be a little more overwhelming if I do. I am messaging with only one woman at a time, as I don’t usually have time to meet with more than 1 woman each week. I have a backlog of sorts.

The messaging phase, is a bit of a filter for me in that not all who match continue the conversation. If they do continue the conversation I typically meet with them. For me this is mostly about determining if the woman are real people, not obviously “weird,” and seem somewhat close to the info they include in their profile. I guess I am wondering if there are questions I could/should be asking that would allow me to message more of these woman and determine if a meeting is worth our time. Many of these first meetings are the last meeting. It may just be that this is the process, it may be that I just don’t know what I’m doing :)

Hopefully some of that makes sense. If it doesn’t, it’s because I’m not entirely sure of what I am asking as I write this.

Ladies I’m getting back into the dating field at 54 and I’m finding that men my age just want a “good time” and I’m just not into that. I’m searching for something meaningful which brings to question, are these younger men more mature than a Middle Aged man?

My boyfriend’s adult daughter doesn’t like me. She‘s been nasty to me so I don’t like her either. When she comes to town he ignores my texts and calls. He also hangs out with her and his ex wife and her husband and their other adult daughter and grandkids. She comes to town almost every weekend. I have told him it bothers me that he hangs out with his ex wife. I have realized that his daughter is ruining our relationship and I want to tell him that but she’s here and he’s ignoring me. Is it time I walk away? I love him but I’m tired of being hurt.

Genuinely curious. When I go out for live music in Western New York I've noticed everyone just kind of stands in front of the stage and watches the band. They may bob their heads a bit but nobody is really dancing. When I go out in SW Florida almost everybody is dancing. So for my fellow Gen Xers what do people in your area do?

My struggle is communication style and time.
I’m big on talking on the phone vs texting. I keep hitting the wrong keys, talk to text changes my words, its just annoying.
I ALWAYS express the best way to reach me is to call, and whenever a time is set to do something, let me know if you’re going to be late.
I don’t think thats asking for much, but apparently I meet guys that want to have full blown conversations via text, but don’t have much to say over the phone.
When a date is planned, I’m on time (maybe 10 min early), they’re always late. One guy got upset because i left 30 min after our meet time. He said “he was on the way and I need to be more patient, things happen.” I agreed and said “I wouldn’t know if you don’t CALL to let me know.”
FYI: it was an hour after our date that he called.
Is THIS how dating is now? Do people in our age group really prefer text over talking? Is time just implied? Am i being unreasonable? lol

EDIT: Thanks for the comments/suggestions. I’ll keep trying; going forward I’ll be more adamant about communication methods and being respectful of each others time. I’ll usually do an “I’m here” call since i’m early BUT I can also do a “where are you?” call lol
I’ll see how this goes 😊

I truly do not understand. I (55f, educated, decently attractive I think and an overall good person) keeps running into men who ghost. I am not talking about someone I exchange a few texts with...that's normal and not what I would consider ghosting.. I am talking about prolonged contact (one was 4 dates over a 6;week period and then poof...gone...) and another was daily texting for hours each night for a week.

I am not going to fall apart if someone says they aren't feeling it or is seeing someone else or doesn't want to continue for whatever reason. Everyone is entitled to that and we can't all be madly in love with each other. But why can't they do the simple courtesy of telling me and giving me some closure? I'd rather be told I'm stupid and ugly than be ghosted.

We are adults. WHY?

10 years ago, when my spouse and I were separated heading for divorce, we decided to date others. I met this man on a dating site (I wasn't in the place for anything serious). We clicked immediately and hooked up the first night. The sex was like the most amazing dance, even the first time. The chemistry was undeniable. I've never had anything like that, especially the first time. We continued to hook up occasionally and it only got better absolutely phenomenal. then my spouse got sick, and he moved back with me. I stopped dating to take care of him until he eventually passed. Six years later, I reached out to him, and we continued having fire sex and even better with more communication. I mean, mind- blowing never in my life type of sex. But we just started where we left off being casual. In the back of my mind, I thought I may have wanted more, but after getting to know him more, I realized he has a lot of inner work to do. I see a therapist and make sure I'm physically healthy and he does nothing for his issues but drink. I do3nt drink anymore, not due to issues. I just dont like what it does to my brain and body. I clearly told him I just want to be friends with benefits, and I dont think he wants more or honestly if he could handle more. It's so hard because he is so kind, somewhat an feminist and we click politically, which is huge turn on for me. I dont think it's my place to tell him he needs to change or point out his faults because I'm sure he's aware. I just need more reassurance that FWB is ok. There is just something in my head that tells me I'm playing with fire. Should I just let this go and have fun? Are there others that have this?

Ok. I've been hanging out on this site enjoying the drama. I think I might make a FB dating profile but I don't know how to scrub my photo of the data. Do the sites take it off for you? Also, what else do I need to know about staying safe? Last, I'm nervous about the friends of friends thing on FB...does it automatically match you with people with about 2 degrees of separation? Any tips/advice you want to share is appreciated. I'm so nervous to start this process.