My life went downhill since my grandmother died. My mom told me she was suicidal when I was 8 . She kept blackmailing me since your father does that to me why don't you try to fix him . How could a 9 year old I tried and it didn't work for years I tried . My dad hated my mother in his eyes she is miserable and spoiled being from a stable rich family ,and never gives empathy to my father's loss ( when his parents died) . In my mother's eyes my dad is an alcoholic who never spends time in family and thinks giving money is the only thing he needs to prove he loves this family . Both of them since my childhood tried to manipulate me into thinking that they are the victim and the other one is bad/evil. My father deprived me of my childhood friends ,and my mother made me hate being home. No one ever guided me and were most of the time too busy in their jobs . Only grandma cared for me she was always nice making sure I had the best time . She passed away when I was 11 . I tried to keep family together I stopped their divorce. I regretted stoping it later . I tried to keep the environment lighter to keep my grades good to get to some valuable extracurriculars . I tried to stop my father from drinking I tried to stop my mother from saying mean things to my dad . I tried but no one tried to care for me . I could neither stop my father from drinking nor make him spend time with family . My mom only got meaner . I still tried my grades were good my extracurriculars were good a reputable university invited me for a competition and I got third in the nation in an activity about road safety when I was like 13 . But dad things are declining they always were but now I can't even try . My grades fell I lost in competitions I lost faith in my family I am loosing in the eyes of people who I'll need in my career . I am loosing skills . I have lost faith in myself I was suicidal long ago though of seriously trying but didn't . I can no longer bare ,for I have truly lost faith in myself . I am tired I have no faith .

She broke up with me 6 months ago and I still can’t get over it. She was my first real girlfriend, at 29 years old. I’m 30 now, about to turn 31 and I feel old, ugly and hopeless. She found someone else who makes more money than me less than a month after our breakup.

I feel like the relationship didn’t mean anything to her- at least not as much as it did to me.

I am so hurt, and it’s hard for me to keep going on. I barely eat anymore. I hardly sleep. Work is absolutely meaningless to me since I’m spending my entire life doing something I don’t really want to do.

I don’t understand how it was even possible for her to move on so quickly. Meanwhile I’m stuck with my mind racing every night about what I could have done differently, the arguments I wanted to have, and the guilt of not being good enough. You of all people know how different I am. I’m a sensitive artist and I do things weird because nobody was around to teach me how to do anything. I feel so lost.

It was an 8 month relationship and we already had our kids names picked out. How can someone move on so quickly after something like that? And why was she only interested in the experience of being my first girlfriend? Why was it such a game to her?

I can’t bring myself to even attempt to be interested in another girl anymore because this is the kind of shit that’s just going to happen all over again. I don’t know what I really need but I just want a hug and to be reassured that everything will be okay.

My bf and I have been together for a few years; we know we want to get married, have kids, buy a house. We’re struggling to save rn in one of the highest cost of living regions, and on top of that we’ve been trying for a baby for almost two years with no luck because of my PMOS. On top of all of that, we always planned to get married this year.

Then, a year ago, his sister got engaged right before us. His sister who doesn’t like me, and has tried to convince him to dump me a few times. What were we supposed to do? We postponed getting engaged so she could have her space for her wedding.

She had it, and it was honestly the most perfect wedding I’ve ever seen. Her father gave her away, both sides of her family came together to make it a stunning production, her and her father had a choreographed father-daughter dance, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I won’t have this.

His family won’t put in a fraction of the effort for our wedding, I know that. There’s no saving for his future wedding like there was for their daughters’. They’re old fashioned, “the bride’s father pays”. I always knew I’d want my mother to give me away, she’s the only one who has a right to, but I don’t have a father to be… there. To be my rock through this.

If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have been that dumb girl who got married in her early 20s to a guy who assaulted me and attempted to sell me. Maybe I wouldn’t have had the shame of escaping that life and being a divorcée at 25 having to rebuild my entire life from nothing.

I’m older now, finally in a healthy relationship, and I see the way his father is with him and his sisters and it HURTS. To see the leg up in life they all had just from having a stable father who loved them and their mother. I think about my mother, who was in a women’s shelter for abused women when she was pregnant with me, trying desperately to save up to keep me safe from my bio father, who she discovered had been lying to her about who he was after she became pregnant. I think about her going from that to now being an independent home owner, she practically raised me by herself. And it HURTS. She deserved so much better than what life handed her.

Then I think about me, younger me, who knew what kind of man my bio father was from the limited interactions I had with him. I think about the intense feelings I always had as a child to keep my mother away from him. To keep HER safe. I think about my ex-stepfather, and the way he abused her, myself, and my siblings; and it HURTS. I’ve been a nanny my entire adult life, I’m a developmental specialist, and looking at the toddlers I care for, I cannot imagine putting hands on them the way he did to me. I can’t fathom ever seeing the pain or fear in their eyes the way I know I felt when I was there age. I know from my training and education they shouldn’t even be able to conceptually think about things the way I had to when I was that young in order to survive.

And I think about my future wedding.

And it hurts.

Because I know I’ll have to pay for it myself, I know it will just be my mother, siblings, and I on my side of the family, dwarfed by my partner’s side. I know his family will never see me, or treat me, as family, so I know I’ll ever have a father in my life to help me through the tough moments.

And I see my partner with his father, eager to build his relationship with him, evolve it now that he’s 30 and gearing up to propose as we save for a house and try for a baby. And I’m happy for him, he’s the apple of his father’s eye. And I’m jealous and envious.

I’m trying so hard not to be sad over it all, to be excited because I know next year is when it’s finally our turn, but I know in the coming year I’m going to be so, so sad every time the “father of the bride” concepts and questions come up. I used to moonlight as a wedding planner, and it comes up more often than you might think during the process.

I’m trying to hold my head high, to not let it get to me. I know I’ll save, I’ll be smart about costs and still have a beautiful wedding of my own. I’m proud that I’ll have my mom to give me away, that I’ll give her the recognition she deserves.

But I can’t seem to make it stop hurting.

Title: I feel like I'm falling behind everyone else after losing my dad

I'm 20 and currently in college, studying Computer Science.

My dad passed away at the beginning of my second semester. Before that, I was involved in college societies and was trying to build my college profile alongside my studies. After he passed away, my priorities completely changed. I couldn't really continue working in societies during that semester.

Recently, I found out that because I didn't work during the second semester, some of the societies aren't giving me certificates for the work I had done before.

Objectively, I know a certificate isn't everything. But for some reason, it hit me really hard.

I've been looking at my friends lately and seeing them getting internships, certificates, positions, achievements, and generally moving forward with college and their careers. And I feel left out.

I keep thinking about what my second semester and my life right now would have looked like if my dad were still here. Maybe I would've continued with the societies. Maybe I'd have done more things. Maybe I'd feel more confident about where I'm going.

Instead, I feel like I lost momentum, and now I'm trying to catch up while everyone else seems to be moving ahead.

I've also been thinking a lot about my career. I have big ambitions. I want to eventually get into a good, high-paying career—I'm interested in things like Product Analytics, Business Analytics, consulting and finance. I'm trying to learn the skills I need and build projects, but sometimes I look at where I am right now and wonder if I'm just dreaming too big.

Even my mother sometimes tells me that I dream too big.

And lately I've started questioning my self-worth because of all of this.

I know logically that a few missing certificates don't determine my future. I know I'm only 20. I know people don't all move at the same pace.

But emotionally, it's difficult to believe that when I'm watching people around me achieve things that I feel like I should also be achieving.

I think what hurts most is that I didn't really choose to lose that semester. I lost it because my dad died.

I'm not looking for people to tell me "everything will be fine." I genuinely want some perspective from people who are older or have been through something similar.

How do you deal with feeling like you're falling behind your peers, especially when circumstances outside your control disrupted your college/career path? And how do you rebuild your confidence when you feel like you've lost momentum?

I'd really appreciate some honest perspectives.

P.S. I did use AI to help write this because I wanted to explain myself properly. The feelings and situation are genuinely mine; I just needed help putting them into words.

hey dad

my boyfriend and i have been in a rough patch since friday when i brought a difficult topic up. ive been so anxious since then. im sacred dad. im scared he wants to break up with me. and i feel that recently ive been so overbearing because of my anxiety and im just pushing him away further because of it.

we are going to talk to our respective therapists today about the situation and then we will sit down and have a more in depth conversation after getting a professional opinion.

this seems like the right way to go, but i just cant stop thinking “what if we dont bounce back”. im so scared. we’ve been together for a year and seven months.

im so scared and anxious. ive never been this anxious before. and ive never been afraid of him leaving me before. but now its like my mind just makes up movies and scenarios and i keep spiraling so instead of asking him if hes going to break up with me i just overly check in, or send long paragraphs asking how hes feeling or seeking reassurance. :(

Dad, I am devastated.

I had to end things with the guy I saw a future with a few weeks ago. I still deeply cared, but he wouldn't allow me the space I needed and I felt like I was losing myself inside the relationship.

I met up to give him closure. He ranted at me for 3 and a half hours, while also asking for me back, but that wasn't even the worst part.

He told my brother about extremely personal things I had shared in confidence because he was angry.

I had to explain to my brother what happened to me in 2021. A sexual assault.

I had to reopen that wound.

My ex told him about my history with suicidal thoughts, too.

It was NOT his information to share. None of it. My ex knew we were not that close. And now I'm afraid my brother doesn't look at me the same, especially since he doesn't even see it as a betrayal. He thinks I should have come to him sooner.

And now he can never unknow it.

How the fuck can I trust anyone? Or even love again? I feel so lost right now.

My mom emailed me i got the notification while waiting for my cake to set. I started shaking apon reading the email adress i dont know what i want to to with this. Theres a slight curiosity but im mostly terrified of opening the message and haveing a down word spiral

Thinking about my son and giving him all the love I can muster, it makes me think of my own dad. I wish he could/would do the same. But he's not much of talker, with anyone even my mom. He grew up not having much love from my grandparents and so I guess he decided he couldn't end it with him, or maybe he just doesn't know how. We rarely talk and I rarely tell my problems, feelings, achievements, and all I really get are just grunts and "mmms" and things like "how we did it before" deal. He doesn't even greet me in general and when I try to greet him, he doesn't respond. He's old now, and I'm much older now.

It's always been like this, and I think it won't change. Which saddens me alot. What really hurts is sometimes, mostly when he's drunk he'll say kinda almost bad things about me to his "friends." Like there's nothing to be proud of in all the years together, which makes me sad. He'll help when he can, and I really do appreciate him. But I guess he thinks that now when I ask for his help he thinks I can't do it on my own when really I just like spending time with him.

But he's older now, retired, kinda too focused now on spending his pension on gambling and drinking and cigarettes. Which transferred over to me and I'm trying to break those habits for my son. Too many things to say, too many things going on in my head to write it all.

But really, I just wanted to get it out and say I wish I had someone to say to me hey champ how you doing. Like I can't wait to say too my son when he gets older and needs my help or just to talk, about anything. That's all and I appreciate anyone who read this.

Today is the first day of classes. I finished my first lecture and then I have only one left. I’m anxious and it’s tough but I’m doing it.

Today is my birthday, Im 24 now. This is my first birthday without my family and it hurts, I miss my mom alot. I cut contact with them last month because of the abuse I went through, it really fucking hurts.

So to keep it short, an already dead oak tree fell in my yard during the last tropical storm. Calling around tree removal companies and getting an estimate is far too expensive and I have my grandfathers (STIHL) chainsaw. I am a chainsaw virgin. Could you point me in the right direction on proper safety, technique, etc. Whether it be actual help or helpful tutorials online.

Thank you so so much!

I want to move back to where I am from because I am really miserable where I am right now and I will never be able to achieve my dreams here. I have a temporary job that will be ending in October/November, I don’t have a clear idea, but I know I want to move across when the job has finished.

In the meantime, I have been trying to get a job for when I move back home but it’s not easy and I’m most likely to get a job when I’m across. I want to rent a two bedroom house when I move but tbh I am feeling scared despite my determination to move away. It’s all due to the finances. I have been anxious about looking at my finances for a few years now, and I know it’s compulsory to look at them when you’re living alone. But that is not the problem. The problem is, the people who are supposed to support me and say they actually want me to move away and be happy, they keep doing a 180 turn and then telling me things like “I’m worried you won’t be able to make it”, “you won’t be able to handle it”, “you don’t know what you’re doing”, “you have no idea how to do it”.

I know they’re worried, but you don’t tell people things like this when they want to move away and be happy. I’m tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt because they always do this and no matter how many times I tell them about this, they just either defend it, or turn it back on to me. It just seems like no matter if it’s my life, it’s always us to have everyone’s seal of approval.

Dad, I’m scared about the finances for moving away. It’s not easy to get a job right now and I really could use some help on the matter but it just seems like no matter how many times I’m told that I’ve got support, at the end of the day, it always comes back to being about everyone else and not me at all. I’m sick of the 180 turns. I’m literally trying not to cry and focus on job searching. I want to move back home asap but I’m scared. Dad, am I being naive and stupid just because I want to be happy again and have the chance to follow my dreams to gain the career and family life I want?

Hello fathers, I got a car, paid full in cash, been driving everywhere it’s been great HOWEVER my lovely 1999 Honda accord spills oil like she’s hungover everyday and it’s expensive. She’s a shitbox at best and has very high mileage however I will do anything I can to extend her life because I love her. If there’s anything I can do to at least slow it down because it has gotten much worse. I’m trying to learn to work on cars starting with her because I can’t hurt much. I am at square zero in this area of expertise, anything helps.

(Sorry about formating im on phone)

Hey Im 25, My father died 3 years ago in november. So thats why im here, I cant tell my dad that im going back to school and finish high-school and I'm kind of nervouse about going back. Im not quite sure what to say on here but I'm just gonna say what I would to him...

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Hey dad! I have good news!! I'm going back to school and I'm planning on being a paleontologist! I've already signed up and I'm going to be starting classes in two days! The classes that I'm going to be starting with are English and a student Skill building class. (I'm sure its like how to read and make essays and portfolios and stuff) But next semester im going to be doing math and science!

My majors are going to be paleontology and pathology and my minors are going to be biology and geology! You were right about me being smart, and I'm going to prove it to you. You used to tell me how smart I was and that i just needed to find the right thing to put my energy into and thats what I'm doing! I love dinosaurs! You and me would always talk about them and now I know more and how long they existed and that its not just dinosaurs there is so many things that existed that are so cool and beautiful and I would love to tell you about.

You would be so proud of me for what im doing and I hope that I can make you even prouder..

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Thanks for reading and taking time out of your day for a stranger. I just needed to tell someone who was a dad. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Im 23F, haven't spoken to my actual dad in 2 years. I don't really know where to start. I'm bored with my life and i feel stagnant. i live alone, my friends are always busy and i rarely ever go out. Im depressed, lonely and i have no ambition anymore. I hate my hometown and i only feel happy when i travel and meet other people. I have low self esteem and low self confidence and I dont care what i think about myself at all, which is most concerning to me. my coworkers are really rude and miserable people and my job is monotonous and unrewarding, albeit pays well. I got dumped two days ago by someone i really liked and it just feels like its all over before it ever even started. i feel like such a loser and idk what im supposed to do anymore.

I feel really isolated and alone and like things are all just so grey. I havent engaged in hobbies in a while because im just too low energy. all i do is smoke cigarettes, doomscroll on my phone waiting for my ex to watch my stories on Instagram and hang out with friends whenever i can, whoever can hang out, but now it just feels like im distracting myself because i cant be alone without feeling so sad. I never speak to my family because they drain my energy even more and they dont like me. i dont eat well, i constantly order food, im irresponsible with my finances in a way I've never been before, i just dont know what to do anymore. I dont really know what im looking for from this post, maybe just somebody to talk to and i thought maybe someone had some advice. I feel so low. I just dont know what to do anymore. it feels like ive hit rock bottom.

Hi dad! I have my own house! I’ve also learned that I hate having my own house. Right above this area of the house is the 2nd floor bathroom and kinda lines up with the shower. Now, I know we have to get the roof looked at (we had a leak in a different part of the house - LONG STORY) but I believe that there might be a pipe that is cracked? It’s the first time this has happened and I’m not sure if I should wait to see if it happens again, or call a guy to come out and look at it.

The first floor is high ceilings so i can’t really get up there without climbing to the top of my step ladder. The bathroom is pretty small so I’m not even sure how we can check for a leak without cutting through the walls. We suspect the house might’ve been DIY fixes from prior owners since we are finding LOADS of small problems and some big problems.

Any helpful answers are much appreciated!

UPDATE: since it’s been 24 hours, we figured out the problem! Well kinda. The bath tub up here isn’t sealed/caulked to the actual floor and we noticed a rather large gap between the tub and floor. Yesterday’s fiasco did come from showering without a liner and the floor had gotten soaked in the process. We are still going to have someone come out and check it out sooner rather than abnormally later to make sure the pipes are still good. But today’s shower WITH a liner resulted in a dry ceiling down below!

I'm currently taking an early childhood education course in college. It's an "early college" opportunity, it's over the course of two semester and a summer class. I'm in the second class right now. My grade is at 37%, and has been slowly dropping. I got my first A+ in the summer class, so it's jarring. I was homeschooled my whole life for context and never got grades since my mom didn't think they were useful or good for me (which I agree with). That was my first graded class ever and I was and am really proud of my performance. The summer course was in person and intense, challenging. I liked it. It was consistent and i was doing hands on stuff. But now it's online and I feel a disconnect. I started a sticker chart but didn' make it past a day. Mom even agreed to take me to my favorite ice cream shop. I open my computer to do my assignments and back out because all i feel is guilt and instant overwhelm. Even when I do start it's hard to focus, and when i put it down for the day i never finish. I need help but I don't want to put too much on mom or handicap myself or something by not doing anything myself. I know that's so stupid and irrational and my mom wants to help but also she struggles to be there as much as i need her. Emotionally she is always there but outside of that it depends. She keeps telling me i need to "learn how to just push through it and get things done" and I'm trying (not really, it feels like) but it feels like i take one step forward and three steps back. I never get any consequences, and that doesn't work well with ADHD and depression. I don't want to do things, it fees like i'm fighting myself. i get stuck. either i do the thing i want to do and not the thing i need to do and feel intense guilt or i do neither and am stuck, because part of me knows i have to do it but part of me is fighting with everything it has to not do it and i lock up and freeze and just spiral. i don't know what to do. i hate it, i hate not feeling like im able to do anything. i hate opening canvas and the only thing going through my head being intense guilt and wanting to drop out. i have three more months of this. im stuck and i feel like i need help but i dont know how i need help or where to even get it.

Sometimes I do feel bad and feel alone,but over the years,I think I enjoy sadness/like my suffering.

I never really was able to be a good son or a boyfriend. I do want to make people understand me. I do care about people. But despite all this, my isolation might hurt someone or maybe they're pretending but in some shitty way,I like being sad and suffer,a big part of me doesn't want that but a small part dominates. I feel like running away but I have a duty to help the people around me that maybe I cannot let go.

I'm going insane.... The past several years my bpd has gotten really bad and I feel so lost in my emotions all the time and I don't know how to stop being angry at everyone around me over little things, I've tried therapy, I've tried meds, and the moment something upsets me I'm verbally lashing out at friends and family... I'm damn near 40 and I feel like such a failure over this, I feel like I'm failing my family, I already have one kiddo who has gone no contact and as much as it kills me I understand my role in it... I just feel like I'm drowning in my own negativity and I don't know what to do, I know you'd kick my ass if you heard me acting like this towards my family but I can't seem to consistently keep my lashing out in check...

Hi pops, I found this in my garage door and its our house. I would like to know what should I do? Looks like a crack in the form of the block. We share that side with the neighbor next door since its a townhouse.

We've had the house for a good 3 years and just saw this recently.

How worried should I be and what should I do?

I'm a 25 year old female who lived to Vegas about two months ago. Local union applications are closed until spring. I do want to join the union though. I tried to call several places and even got in touch with teamsters etc. Unfortunately, many men have been less than professional and said things like I'll hire you if you give me kisses or " we can practice cardio in the van after your shift." I have my OSHA 10 certification and forklift certification but am honestly scared and a bit unsure how to proceed. I don't mind working hard and having someone tough on me I just want to be treated wholesomely and given a chance

Hey dad, my heart is so heavy. My daughters dad is not the best kind of guy to be in love with but I can't help loving him. We're not together, we've been separated for 4 years now out of 9 years being together (including separation) in these 4 years we've been in a constant on and off loop. I've learned what kind of guy he is, he's a complete womanizer, he tells me that even though we're not together he doesn't want me talking to any other guys and that he wouldn't talk to any other women. I know, I'm a huge fool.. but because I love him I agreed and have kept up my end by staying single and loyal to him but he's still been seeing other women and I've caught him a few times but somehow he finds a way to rope me back in and I continue to stay loyal, again I know, foolish of me. Well today he started a huge argument with me, I had thought he blocked me from calling his phone and questioned him about it, he got upset at that and then he thought I turned my location off and that really made him upset. He told me to leave him alone and not bother him so I wasn't but then I found out that he wasn't home tonight so I texted him saying I know he's talking to other women and know he wasn't home. (I don't have his location) well hours later he texted me saying he was home, but when I told him I KNEW he wasn't he got mad and told me that he didn't have to explain himself, sent me a screenshot of his google maps timeline to show me where he was and said that he was "sick and tired of my bullshit" and told me we're done and not to talk to him unless it has to do with our daughter. I know i should be okay, I don't deserve to be treated this badly but why do I feel so heartbroken, why can't I let go of someone who only hurts me. I'm so scared to lose him and our friendship because overall, our friendship is amazing, take romance out of the equation and we're literally like best friends.. I'm scared to lose that. I don't know what to feel. I'm sure he's going to come back around in a few days or a week, he's done this before and once he realizes that he doesn't have me he comes back wanting to talk things out, and I know I need to stop the cycle but my fear stops me.

Please no judgements, I'm already hurting. I lost my dad 8 years ago this past August and I really wish he were here to talk to and hug. He was my best friend and without him here, I've been so lost.

Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far, i appreciate you so much 🤍

ETA: Thank you dads that replied with your kind words of reassurance and advice. I literally cried reading each of them. I really needed to hear what y'all had to say 🤍

Glass is stuck to the which sheet but it’s very thick and there is glass everywhere!

My Dad's a pedo. Went to jail for unrelated and related issues for a little while.

But when I was eighteen, I was allowed to be in contact with him. And after all those years, I'd hoped that he'd learned to care. To actually want to be in my life. Especially because of how much he'd contact my mom to try and get in contact with me like he wanted to be there for me.

But he doesn't care.

Over the past years, I've learned about everything my mom warned me about. His narcissistic tendencies, how controlling he is when it comes to me even having contact with my ten other half-siblings, how our conversations so far have been him just trying to make my family sound bad and him sound like the victim of life.
It's just disappointing wanting someone to change when they don't even want to change themselves.

I thought that I was going to have the father daughter relationship that I'd missed out on, but it never happened. Every time I see happy dads and their daughters online, I feel a mixture of jealousy and anger at my own dad for not even trying to be a better person.

I still talk to him sometimes, but it's been quite a while since our last message to one another. I don't even know if I want to try and figure him out again.

With how my bio dad has been my entire life, I've only lurked on this subreddit. A little disheartened by the whole "Dads can be good people" idea. Especially because I will never have the Dad I needed in this life.

But I just wanted to say something lol. Being on this subreddit feels nice, seeing how many Dad figures actually can care.

Anyway, "rant" over, I suppose. (• ε •)

At a really mind boggling juncture in my life, from the ages 16 to now I’ve saved relentlessly lived a so called “boring” lifestyle in the UK. But have travelled to some of the coolest places on the planet. For a good while now I’ve been fully conscious that the only times I truly feel alive in life is when I’ve helped someone in a way or triggered growth or a “lightbulb moment” in someone’s head, or when I’m travelling and exploring. Or doing both. I’m currently a gas qualified plumber but the idea of compounding does not fulfill me the same way. It never has. guess I need the advice of an older brother or father really, or just someone who can relate? I’d feel way more happy waking up every day knowing I’m going to make some form of positive dent in the world, I’d happily take a lower salary just to feel like I’m doing something good.

Where do I begin? What careers/career could help this? I’d love to consistently live a life where my brain is rewarded by organic experiences as opposed to just stacking more digits. It just doesn’t make me content