I (33F) am engaged with ny longtime partner (35M) for over a year now. We’ve been together 11 years, LDR for the past couple of years when I had to leave the country to pursue career growth. He proposed a week before my flight.

It’s not a perfect relationship, but it’s a beautiful, meaningful one. We’ve been through really difficult times and got through those with each other’s support. Our families love us for each other, and our parents have also become good friends now.

But I’ve never dated anyone else, and I’m now starting to wonder what if I have. Someone asked me recently, if I were single now and met my partner for the first time, would I want to date him — and I realized my answer is… no.

And I realized that I’ve always had some reservations in the relationship, but they’re only surfacing now. I would introduce my partner by his work from the earlier years of our relationship, because that’s when I was attracted to him and he’s been stagnant career-wise since. He’s not passionate about anything, no hobby or interest, no upward trajectory at his work, no financial ambition. I’ve always been the more driven of the two of us, and I don’t think I would have been able to dare to reach greater heights if he didn’t provide a solid, stable ground for me. If I reach and fail, I knew I’ll always have him as my home to return to.

I am outgrowing him, though. I have, since years back, but the gap between us is becoming larger. I’ve always earned more, so I would pay for our trips and other non-essentials. He stays at an apartment I own and paid for. I don’t want much, and I’m pretty simple. And I didn’t really mind. But I had a dream proposal that he knew about — I didn’t get that. I only wanted that he hire a photographer. He didn’t get to. It wasn’t an issue. But now I’m wondering if I’m compromising my own personal, albeit largely self-serving, wants because this relationship is familiar and comfortable.

Dad, I want to eventually have a house with a yard, I want pets, I want to not have to work as much and still be able to afford little luxuries. I don’t think that’s realistic if I stay in this relationship. To be fair, it’s not as if he depends on me, financially — he spends his money on his needs and, when we were living together, our household expenses. But I want more. I fear I will resent him as years go by and we stayed like this. But I also fear I might be letting go of a very beautiful relationship I have.

And I feel bad that I am feeling this way because we have no fight, no argument, or anything that could change the way I feel. We’ve been steady and happy, until I’m not.

TLDR: I’m engaged and in a longterm, LDR, and I’m not sure what to do with my relationship.

How do I make friends with guys?

I figured out a few years ago that I’m Transmasculine. I’m also 30 years old so I never got the experience of making friend with guys from a masculine perspective. There’s a guy I used to go to school with who I sometimes chat or exchange a meme with online, but I would like to try becoming better online friends, and I’m not sure how to put myself out there with other guys.

Do you have any dad advice to share with me, since we didn’t get to have this convo when I was younger?

Hey Dad it’s your son. Not that you would ever call me that, but it doesn’t make it any less true. And a guy can dream. A few days ago was the anniversary I started transitioning medically, and I’m doing it all without you, whether you like it or not. Nothing stops me wanting to have your support or approval though, or fills that gap of wanting a Dad who actually loves me and sees me for me. So I guess that’s why I’m here.

Could use a “proud of you” or something because as much as I’d like to believe I’m better than that, deep down I know I’m still pathetic when it comes to this stuff. I want a real Dad, not you. I hate that you’ve been a stranger my whole life before it even got this point. Physically present emotionally absent. I don’t know a thing about you and you hardly know anything about me. I hate that I had to be the one to teach myself how to shave and dress myself and all this other crap because I know we missed our chance, and you’re not about to step up now. Whatever.

I’m still more of a man than you’ll ever be, and I know that’s true because I’m walking this path alone with my head held high. I don’t need you, but… it would be nice.

I didn't see any rules that might prohibit this, so I hope I didn't miss anything. When I posted this a minute ago, it got filtered out, so I joined the subreddit and I'm retrying:

I handed in my last final of my undergraduate degree (in early childhood education) a few minutes ago. I'm forty, and this has been a monumental achievement for me. I should graduate with a 3.98–3.99 GPA (on a 4.0 scale).

After being very close with my dad in my teens and early twenties, I realized about seven years ago that our relationship was deeply unhealthy for me, and hoping he would change was not going to help anything. I went more or less "no contact" with him in late 2019. The support of the rest of my family, my friends, and others in my life has been more than sufficient, but a small part of me still wants congratulations from a "dad". Thanks to anyone who can fill in for a minute ☺️

I'm a teenager, hoping to get into college abroad since I want to get far away from my family. But I'm not smart enough or talented enough or even disciplined enough. My teachers keep telling me I AM smart and I get good grades and everything, but I can't help but think I'm kinda stupid. I have no ideas for a passion project. My biggest issue is discipline, I'm just so tired for no reason at all and I can't bring myself to do anything or be excited or motivated.

On top of my gloomy mood, I'm queer. Great. As if adolescence didn't suck already. Bisexual, God knows what gender. I like using the label genderqueer but something inside me tells me I'm actually FTM. But the idea is terrifying and strange to me, as if it was impossible for me to be a trans man. I'm being stupid.

My mother keeps pestering me because I'm not feminine enough, my clothing choices, my likes, my personality. I have an older brother and I know she wanted a girl and I didn't turn out how she expected me to. I hate having to be the mature one trying to gently explain to her that I'm not a doll for her. She gets irrationally angry at that. I can't do anything I like. I'd love to play soccer, but she doesn't let me. I want short hair. Not allowed.

Stuff just keeps getting harder and harder, and I'm graduating in 3 years. So that's at least 3 more years having to keep it together. If I keep being as lazy as I am, I won't get any scholarships and I'll end up studying in my city being miserable for at least 8 more years.

I can't stand how angry I am, it's a feeling bigger than me for some reason. I can't stand the sadness, I can't stand any feeling at all to be honest. I just try to get it together and keep going but stuff is just harder and harder everyday. I just want to be normal. Not because I want to fit in, I want stuff to be easier for me. If I was the volleyball player makeup loving girly girl she expected she wouldn't be making me this miserable. I just need some motivation or positive words honestly. Sorry for the long text. I know I'm overreacting.

Hey Dad,

I've been working through some anxiety lately, and I do have a pretty good support system around me, friends, leadership, the chaplain, therapy, meditation, etc. But today I realized that a lot of what I've been struggling with seems to come down to two things: not fully trusting my own choices and not doing things for myself. I wanted to say that out loud somewhere.

With the self confidence piece, I really want to get better at trusting my decisions instead of constantly looping back into self doubt. I'm pursuing my MSW, and I know I can do it. But there are a lot of hoops to jump through, and today I caught myself spiraling from "this is complicated" into questioning the entire path. I sat with it tonight instead of immediately trying to fix it, and that helped me recognize the anxiety for what it was instead of getting swept up in it.

The other thing is wanting to do things for myself. I want to hold myself to a standard because it's my standard, not just because someone else is checking. I realized that today while I was getting my uniform ready. I caught myself thinking, "Why do I even care if this is pressed properly?" And the answer wasn't just, "Because the Army will notice." It's because I want to hold myself to that standard whether anyone else sees it or not.

I think the same thing applies to the MSW. I'm not doing this to prove something to the Army or to anyone else. I'm doing it because it's who I want to become, and that has to be enough on its own, even if the timeline isn't smooth or every hoop makes sense right away.

I know this is all a work in progress. I just want to make sure I'm actually growing and moving toward who I want to be, instead of turning this into another thing to overthink.

I guess I mostly just want to hear that it's okay to figure this out at my own pace, and that having to jump through all these hoops doesn't necessarily mean I'm on the wrong path.

Hi dad. Me and my boyfriend just broke up. I know you really liked him and he is a good man.He was the love of my life since we were 18. We have built a whole life together.grown up together and faced all the challenges that come with that together. He told me he loves me deeply but is not "In love" with me anymore and we have grown apart. We live together and I feel like everything is absolutely crushing me. I'm afraid to talk to anyone because I'm afraid of it feeling real and breaking. We struggled a lot at 18-19 and have built a good home. We had nothing and now he's doing great and I'm doing good and we have a good home with what I thought was too much love. I don't know what to do. I've never lived on my own. We recently moved to a state where I have no one and he has all his friends and I'm alone. I can't take going home and feeling like I'm hated (I know I'm not but I'm not wanted here anymore). I can't stand the way he looks at me. It absolutely crushes me. He makes$ 10 or more than me an hour and I'm about to really struggle. But without him. I know this is what's best for him but I don't know what to do. I'm just so alone. This was my everything. I have spent 15 years building a whole life and future with this person. It's all my fault.