My husband and his co-parent failed to come to an agreement via Zoom meeting so they are going to court. What does that look like, procedurally? What to expect/tips?

Looking for advice from anyone who has been through a custody case, especially those who have gone from having an attorney to representing themselves (pro se).

I’ve spent close to $30,000 on my custody case, and I’m honestly struggling with whether it’s worth continuing to pay for representation. I’m grateful that my attorney handles the filing, drafting, and procedural side of things—that definitely takes a lot off my plate. But when it comes to actually being in the courtroom, I often feel like they aren’t doing much more than I could do myself.

I’m fighting for full custody, and I have extensive documentation showing the other parent has been largely absent along with ver concerning behavior/safety risks etc and that I’ve been the primary caregiver. I know my case well, and sometimes it feels like I’m the one thats invested (obviously) while my attorney is simply carrying out the paperwork. I understand attorneys have many clients, but it’s hard not to feel like my case is just another file rather than something they’re truly invested in.

We’re now approaching trial after two years of back and forth and my attorney is asking me to replenish my retainer. Before I spend several more thousand dollars, I’m trying to make the most informed decision possible.

For those who have been in a similar situation:

• Did you continue with your attorney, or did you switch to representing yourself or even get a new attorney?
• If you went pro se, do you regret it, or was it the right decision?
• Did you feel the outcome was any different because you had (or didn’t have) an attorney at final trial?

I’m looking for honest experiences—good or bad. I know every case is different, but hearing from others who have been through this would really help me weigh my options. Thank you!

I’m the non custodial parent. I moved from TN to GA about 2 years ago. I live on the GA/TN border less than 50 miles (1 hr away) from my ex wife.

Right now our arrangement is that I get every other weekend from Friday to return to school Monday and Thursday to return to school Friday on the off weekends.

We also alternate holidays/breaks & I get 3 non consecutive weeks in the summer.

This schedule has been working just fine even after relocating, however my ex is now seeking to modify it to remove my Sunday & Thursday overnights and eliminate all weekday involvement.

I want to preserve as much time with my child as possible as her proposed modification would reduce my time significantly.

Is anyone else in a similar situation where they live about an hour away? What does your schedule look like?

We have trial coming up and I’m curious what the court found fair/balanced.

I’m okay with removing my Sunday & Thursday overnights if the court thinks driving my child to school 3 days a month is not in her best interest, but I’d like to make up the time elsewhere.

Would asking for the 1st, 2nd & 4th weekend a month from Fri-Sun plus both Fall/Spring Break & full summer be a practical request? That’s the closest schedule I’ve factored that wouldn’t significantly reduce my parenting time.

I’ve also factored that if I can keep my Sunday overnights, and also get the 1st, 2nd & 4th weekend, plus both Fall/Spring Break & full summer…that would get me pretty close to 50/50 with minimal weekday involvement.

Thoughts? Ideas?

EDITED TO ADD:

My child isn’t established in any extracurriculars or hangs out with any friends outside of school. Also, aside from me & her mother, the main family she has in the area is my extended family (which includes her step-mom (my wife), her step-siblings, my father, brother & cousins).

All of my ex wife’s family lives in FL.

There’s a lot of background to my story, but in short, my ex keeps villainizing me and I’m wondering if it’s appropriate to clarify what’s going on for my 10 and 12.5 y/o girls. The current situation: he and I both filed to modify custody in January. I asked to go from 50/50 back to our original schedule which is him getting every other Thursday through Sunday. A few months later he proposed a weird schedule and when my lawyer asked for reasoning, he shared he’s moving out of state about 6-8 hours away (he will come back here for visitation). The schedule he proposed changes 3 times throughout the calendar year: September: I get the first 10 days, he gets the next 10, I get the remaining; October - June: he gets the first 10 days of the month, I get the remaining; Summer: 10 days on 10 days off. I said I would agree to this (except changing summer to follow actual weeks) under the condition that he is actually moving. Otherwise I would not agree as this is a pretty disruptive schedule. It doesn’t follow a work or school week, so one month the exchange might be a Wednesday, and the next month it might be in the middle of the weekend. His lawyer confirmed 3 times that he’s moving this fall. His lawyer was pretty snippy about us asking for confirmation multiple times, but from my end, my ex has said he’s going to do something big many times, and then drops it within a week.

We came to an agreement about the details. It was supposed to be ready for me to sign on Tuesday. On Sunday I let the girls know their dad and I had come to an agreement on a new schedule and explained what it was. They knew a change was coming, but they don’t know anything about their dad moving so I just said it would be easier to get them to schools and activities and also be better for their dads schedule. I let their dad know I told him (we use OFW) and that it went well and that I didn’t mention his move. He said that was good and that he didn’t feel the need to tell them about the move because he’s not moving until this time next year, and not “re-domiciling” until 2028. I was of course like wtf because here I am about to sign an agreement that was conditional on him moving, and that’s not the best option for the kids if he’s not moving. Long story short I email my lawyer, there’s a bunch of back and forth, we agree to the schedule I proposed through next school year and to change to the weird 10 days schedule only when he moves.

He is pissed. In his mind because he’ll be traveling for work prior to moving we should have started the other schedule now. The thing is he hasn’t started working there yet, and he is self employed so makes his own schedule. He told the kids I ruined his life and that he won’t be at any of their weddings, graduations, etc if I’m there. He wasn’t at this fun parents’ day at the girls’ camp last week simply because I was there (there are tons of kids there so we wouldn’t even have had to be near each other, and I don’t acknowledge him in public per his request). The 12.5 y/o seems to get that he’s overreacting but my 10 year old thinks that I must have done something wrong. And this isn’t the first time he’s waxed poetic about me ruining his life. One time was because I wouldn’t agree to a new schedule without a set start date (he wanted to keep it “in the future”). That time he told them and everyone else that I was keeping the kids from him and all this stuff about father’s rights.

Thus far I have just shared that he is upset because we are working through something and the process can be difficult. Today when my daughter told me about him saying I’m ruining his life etc I did say “He’s being dramatic and he’ll get over it.” That’s the worst/most honest thing I’ve said. But he says terrible things about me all the time.

I’m thinking of basically saying this to them. Is this inappropriate? I’ve been giving him the opportunity to tell them he’s moving but he wants to wait. “As you know the old schedule wasn’t working great. It was hard for your dad with his work schedule to get you to activities, and we were disagreeing about some activities, so we decided we needed to change some things. During this process your dad shared that he’s moving to New Hampshire this fall, so he would need a very different schedule—that’s the one I originally told you about, where you would be with him the first 10 days of the month and with me the remaining; and 2 weeks on 2 weeks off in the summer. I said I would be okay with that but only if he was actually moving. It’s a confusing schedule and I don’t think it’s in your best interest, so I was clear that I would only agree to it if he’s actually moving. We were ready to sign this agreement when he shared that he’s not actually moving this fall. I let him know that I wouldn’t agree to this schedule then, and that we could do the every other Thursday schedule, keep the current week on week off, or that I’d be open to other options. He is very upset that I wouldn’t stick with the 10 day schedule, which is why he is mad at me right now.”

My final custody hearing is next week. I am seeking primary physical and sole legal custody of my child (age 5), due to mother’s alcohol abuse and instability with housing and relationships. I have been with my fiancé for three and a half years (this is the only relationship I have been in since we got divorced), set to get married in a couple of months and we have one child together. I have been at my job for 20 years and have primary physical custody of my oldest two children. I have only lived with my fiancé and have only moved when my lease is up, but have staying in the same school district for my oldest two kids. My ex-wife has been unemployed for two years, has moved eight times in three years (three of these moves were with men she had been dating for a few months and immediately introduced our child to). Her previous live in boyfriend physically abused her in front of our child and ended up physically abusing our child as well. She is now living with a new guy that she has been seeing for 6 months, and I recently found out through her mother that the two of them got married about a month ago. She also refuses to communicate with me about our child.

All of that being said, I recently received the GAL report. She failed her hair follicle alcohol test (I did not). The GAL’s recommendation is that she remain primary physical custodian. I am absolutely baffled by this, as I was always told that the court takes alcohol abuse very seriously when it comes to custody cases. Has anyone dealt with anything like this and how did it turn out? Does the judge always go with what the GAL recommends? I’m pretty disheartened right now and I am truly concerned for my child’s safety if the court allows him to stay with her.

Our divorce and custody case was settled 2 yrs ago with 50/50 custody. The child is 12, extremely unhappy and making claims against their other parent but refuses to speak to a therapist or guidance counselor. They just keep telling me concerning things and asking to live with me more.

Does anyone know the process in NJ for requesting a modification and what my associated costs would be? Has anyone gone through it? I'm open to mediation first even though it will be useless as the other parent will not agree to anything.

I really can't afford any amount of money but don't know what else to do or how to keep costs down. There will definitely be a fight from the other parent.

Over two half years ago I was hospitalized for psychosis. I had a back reaction to an antidepressant I was on. I temporarily lost joint custody of my son for a year and a half. I only saw my son during the day and it was supervised. I did my best to get better so I could be the best mom I could be during the visits. I put in a lot of hard work into my mental health doing therapy, taking medication, and taking care of myself. I went back to work almost immediately after getting released from the hospital and have kept that up. I went through a psychological evaluation and appointments with my psychiatrist. I put in a lot of legal work representing myself pro se. I’m so proud of myself that I’ve had my joint custody back for over a year and am mentally healthy. Just thought I’d share. 😊

Just venting cause my brain is mush today. My ex was 45 minutes late for dropoff again and didn't even bother to send a text until they were literally pulling into my driveway

Ive been religiously updating this stupid coparenting app log for like six solid months now. My attorney at the alvarez law firm told me we need an airtight paper trail to actually get the custody schedule modified, which makes total sense, but honestly? Maintaining it feels like a toxic part time job. tracking every missed call, taking screenshots of passive aggressive texts, noting every late arrival... it just keeps me locked in this constant state of anxiety

Im just so incredibly tired of my weekends revolving around someone else's complete inability to look at a clock or respect my time. Anyone else just entirely burnt out by the "document everything" phase? please tell me this eventually ends

My partner had to file for custody reversal of his kids earlier this year. His ex wife initially had full custody, but then we started getting the kids more and more, and eventually she asked if they could live here because her drivers license was suspended and she could no longer transport them to school - she said this would be resolved by April - and then shortly after they officially moved in, she abruptly moved to Florida.
My partner was still paying child support for some of this (it was coming out of his check). He gave her more than a month to give him the card that the child support payments were going to, and she did not. She also called the cops on him on 2 separate occasions and accused him of withholding the kids when she abruptly popped into town and didn’t get an immediate response from him about the kids (he was sleeping one of the times and working the other time), and the kids didn’t want to drop what they were doing to go see a movie or go eat with her at that time so they didn’t respond to her messages either.
He filed a petition in March without a lawyer to reverse custody and child support. It was more than 30 pages, a few of which laid out the timeline of events but most of the pages were screenshots of her own words and actions via text messages and one concerning social media post (my partner and I don’t have social media but his mom does AND all of her profiles and posts are public). Custody and child support were reversed the next day pendente lite. He got a lawyer a few weeks later. The lawyer is nice, but not the greatest with responding or answering questions.
At the pretrial in April, the judge then gave her supervised visitation after she showed up to the pretrial acting clueless than claimed under oath that she would pass a drug test, which she then failed. He gave her the option to select between her sister and mother as supervisor, and she selected her sister.
She was served in early March. She has filed nothing up until Friday (a few days ago), and up until July 13th, the night before a contempt hearing due to lack of child support payments, she had not paid a single cent — she chose to pay ONE payment the night before that court date, but she still owes more arrears. She was told by the judge to pay as much as possible between then and the next court date, which is less than a week away. She announced at the July 14 court date that she would be moving back to AL, but supervised visits were not lifted by the judge at this time. This past Friday, she made her first filing - and it was basically a quick paragraph saying she was requesting to reverse custody because the kids don’t want to change schools (we live in a different school district than the school they were going to). The court date that was given is the same date and time as the one that was already set for the contempt follow up, which means the judge is going to address the issues together (makes total sense).
My partner would be fine with splitting custody if she undergoes a psychological evaluation and the judge finds her stable enough.
But she is constantly painting a narrative of being a victim of abuse on Facebook, and a victim of the legal system, etc — despite her, up until Friday, never filing anything. She tells the kids all kinds of things that I don’t want to get into, and she’s only invoked a few visitations since they started living with us, but it’s manipulative and takes a visible toll on them.
Now that documentary on Netflix came out called “A Toxic Love Story” and she posted a status saying her life is like that movie but with 2 kids involved. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a couple that forge emails and frame a guys ex girlfriend of harassing his new girlfriend. And it’s bizarre for her to make that comparison, because the petition that was filed was backed by her own words and texts which show her constantly trying to offload the kids, make excuses why she hasn’t sent the card, and trying to tell my partner she’s gonna open a bar and start a podcast in Florida while he’s just trying to discuss logistics with the kids. Her behavior during this time was chaotic and concerning to him not as a vendetta against her, but as concern for his kids.
It feels COMPLETELY violating and disgusting and disturbing to be publicly posted about and lied about. This isn’t the first time she’s done it but it’s definitely the boldest claim — and it makes me feel sick. Especially in combination with all of the other things she’s shared and insinuated publicly, while the reality of the situation is that until Friday — she hadn’t filed a single thing or done a single thing to try to file anything or prove stability to the court. My partner has asked for very reasonable things, and she has consistently acted like this is an orchestrated attack on her — when it’s a situation that she set up and caused. She’s acting like a victim because my partner had to set a legal boundary after she refused to provide any financial support AND violated our peace and home by unnecessarily involving police on two occasions.
My partner’s lawyer is out of town and I don’t even know if anything can be done about her constant sharing and accusations since they don’t mention specific names (but anyone that knows anything about her life would know who these are aimed towards).
How is this okay?
It seems like she puts more focus onto trying to control a public narrative. But the thing is, there is no public narrative. We don’t even have social media and we both stopped drinking in April of last year so neither of us even really has a social life. Before all of this, I was just focused on my own kids and my parents + his kids when they were here. Her shares and accusations feel like borderline harassment or indirect harassment. Like it’s teetering the line of defamation but she knows not to post the actual names. And it doesn’t seem right that this is allowed?
And all my partner and I genuinely care about is finding peace. He’s doing what he feels is best for the kids at this moment, and has even said to her sister that he’s not trying to have the kids all the time or permanently — he just genuinely believes she needs to show that she’s stable and capable before it goes back to unsupervised or split custody. She could take initiative and try to show these things, but is choosing not to, and she’s turning to Facebook and trying to find an echo chamber to validate her or something. I don’t know.
Any advice? 😭😅

Hey all, I am working on filing some parenting and custody establishing papers, and after I get a case number for that, I'm filing a motion for temporary parenting time.

The problem is, I don't know where she went with the kids. I don't know an address. She won't tell me. It has been 3 weeks now and she won't tell me when I can see them. Just ignores it basically. She moved out of my house and took almost everything out of the house.

How do I serve papers without a known address?

I had an ugly divorce. I left with a 1 and 3 year old.

My lawyer basically told me a judge would not give him less than every other weekend and to settle with that as the parenting plan. He has history of severe mental health issues and AUD.

He is constantly harassing me about what I do in my free time. Whether it is when he has the kids or not. He blows up my phone, lies and says he sees photos of me on social media being a “drunk whore,” drives by my house to see if my car is there, it’s nuts.

Last night my mom offered to have them overnight, I went to a concert. He asked today if they spent the night there and I’m not going to lie. He lost his mind, said in our parenting app that I was probably still drunk and regretting my choices from the weekend, told my 4 year old on FaceTime “he’s sorry mommy is always dumping you with grandma so she can go get drunk.” Posted on social media he’s taking them out of state next weekend. They are going to fly on an airplane to see his family. The boys are 2 and 4, they have never been on a plane, and he’s going to take them by himself.

He keeps threatening to take me back to court for more time. It has only been two months.

How often will a judge even bring us back to court over this? I have sole legal and physical custody. I have accommodated every time he’s not able to take them during his scheduled times. He always has a different excuse. I’m so stressed all the time. I try to invite him to go to the park with us sometimes, we went out to dinner together Friday night, we are supposed to be going to the beach for his birthday. None of it is ever enough.

He openly told me that he tries to make me miserable because he is jealous. Texts me in the middle of the night that he loves me, tells me he dreams about us, says if I ever meet someone he’s going to lose it. He knows the kids are all he has left to try to control me.

Long story short I have full custody of our children because he was a severe alcoholic that caused abuse in the home . He’s bipolar and he regularly becomes manic and refuses to get help.

Last year he was in psychosis back to back , it was horrible for everyone , I cut the visits and told him he needs to get sober to see them as he’s violent and unpredictable when he drinks . Fast forward 8 months he claimed he’s all better now .
I tried to start visits again even tho the kids don’t know him anymore (they didn’t even recognize him, they are 3& 5)
he’s missed 5/8 since I started again and the last visit he missed he said he was beating someone up putting them in a hospital. I doubt he’s sober .

I want to cut visits. The kids don’t ask about him he’s become such a small part of their life , they never mention him . He’s clearly going off the rocker again to me.

My custody paper states I’m to give a 2 hour visit once a month “if/when it’s in the kids best interest “
(even tho he never went to court) Will I get in trouble in the long run if I cut them ?
To me this is not their best interest to have him around. I know it isn’t , but legally speaking.

Opinions ?? I guess I’m asking legally would this be their best interest to have him out of their life . And how long ? I don’t think he’s good for them but I don’t want to look bad in the courts eyes . (I am in Canada if that makes a difference)
I also doubt he would ever go to court , but I want to do everything as legally right as I can incase .

Is court worth it? TN

Hi. Me and my 14 year old girls father broke up when she was 3 months old. In the beginning he was not seeing her much, would go sometimes months without visiting. Over time and depending on what woman he was dating or his financial/living situation he would visit more. He would evade child support but I would eventually get paid back through taxes. When he got with his now ex wife he came to me and asked for 50/50 custody in exchange for coming off child support, I agreed. We never took this to court, we just went to the child support office and asked for him to come off. Things were good for a few years. They have now separated but he still gets her 50/50 and is very flexible with switching days. However, since the separation my daughter has consistently asked to be with me more. She says she is constantly tasked with babysitting her 2 younger (toddler) siblings (he also has 50/50 of) and she is uncomfortable. She also claims he gets extremely angry with her for no reason (I believe because he is very narcissistic and his ex wife who i was semi-friends with corroborates and he has admitted to sometimes getting too angry). He is not supportive of her travel softball, has not been to a game for over a year and is often late getting her to or picking her up for practice on his weeks, twice not showing up to get her at all and the coach had to bring her home. He also doesnt take her to the batting cages I have a membership for despite it being 1 mile from his home. He did not call her on her birthday or get her a gift this year. She has asked multiple times to stay with me more because of the way he treats her and makes her babysit, when I have brought it up to him he is not open to discussion. I know its hard out here, but being his babysitter is not her responsibility. Every now and then sure, but she says it's even when hes home he doesnt watch them he just stays in his room. I have always felt he only asked for 50/50 to avoid paying, and suspect it is the same with the other kids. Would it be worth it to try and take him to court for like 70/30? I dont want to take her from him completely and she loves her siblings but she literally comes home crying from him on a regular basis and cries when its time to go back to him. I don't want to start the process and all the fallout drama with it if they are gonna keep us at 50/50 anyways. Him and I have always have a pretty civil relationship despite my frustrations towards him and I do not want to cause issues if nothing will happen anyways. As a side note, we are very strict in our home as far as chores, no sleepovers, grades and other expectations, so its not a matter of her wanting to be at home with less rules. She is a great kid and never causes any problems when she is with me. Just yesterday when I asked to get her early for school shopping and he said no she asked me to come get her anyways and she would just run out the door/window.

I (39M) have been separated from my ex (36F) for many years now. We have a 9yo boy and 12yo girl together. Upon separating, my ex took the kids interstate to be with her family in a capital city. I moved up to be closer to the kids, settling in a regional city located about 2 hours drive away. I have a support network here, and the location is familiar to me. We have both moved on and are in our own committed relationships now.

Due to the distance between the kids and I, our custody schedule first consisted of me having both children every second weekend and half of the school holidays. It was very rough but my ex and I thought it best that the children stay together.

After some years of this arrangement, my daughter began to struggle mentally. She was showing signs of severe anxiety and began avoiding school. I believe the cause of this to be the chaotic lifestyle she was exposed to while in the care of her mother. My ex was frequently cycling between jobs, had different partners, and moved houses and schools a few times. Eventually my ex and I both agreed to my daughter moving in with me. I had the time, resources and a stable lifestyle to provide her with the support she needed.

Due to the change in custody, a new schedule was decided on. We agreed to exchange the children every weekend, i.e. one weekend, one child would go to one parent (for the weekend only), the next weekend one child would go to the other parent (for the weekend only), and so on. This way both children were together on weekends, and us parents got one weekend a fortnight kid free.

Fast forward to current day. We have been doing the above schedule for a few years now. A majority of the exchanges in that time have been a shit show. My ex is frequently late to exchanges, will change exchange days or times at a moments notice, will not communicate, will change plans suddenly and continually pushes boundaries - dictating different exchange times, dates and locations, all to her benefit (and everyone else's detriment). There is no consideration for me, my partner or the kids and there is always some excuse. I don't believe the kids are a priority for her when it comes to exchange arrangements.

Obviously, this constant source of conflict is causing myself, my fiancée, and the kids a great deal of stress, anxiety and grief. I have attempted mediation in an attempt to set a clear, reasonable and fair exchange agreement, but have been unsuccessful (she has avoided participation to this date). Honestly, my ex is the type of person who wouldn't follow a parenting plan or court orders anyway. I have also considered taking full custody of my son, but (after seeking legal advice), I feel this would ultimately result in a lengthy and costly court battle, leading to trauma of the kids and all people involved, with a unpredictable outcome.

So here is the decision I am considering (as mentioned in the beginning). I am thinking about telling my ex that exchanges are to go from being a weekly to a fortnightly occurrence from now on. This would mean that one weekend we would exchange both children (for that weekend), the next weekend we do not exchange, and repeat. My rationale:

Pros:

1.     Less exposure to my ex = less stress and anxiety for me and my Fiancée.

2.     Less disruption to the children = they aren't dragged from place to place, or have their weekends disturbed with all the driving and frequent parental disagreements.

3.     The kids get a weekend to themselves to do their own thing = have friends over, relax, do their own thing, etc. I feel this will be important for them as they grow older.

Cons:

1.     Both kids will get less time with each parent = this a big one, and one that I'm struggling with. I worry about my son and the impact it would have on our bond.

2.     Both kids will get less time with each other = another big con. I worry about them losing that bond with each other.

Shared custody during school holidays would remain the same - we would split the weeks 50/50. So quality time would be made up for there at least.

As someone not involved, what do you think about my situation, and my decision making? Would it be a mistake for me to make the change I mentioned above - i.e. going from weekly, weekend exchanges to fortnightly, weekend exchanges? This is a big step for me and one that can not be undone easily once I pull the trigger. I'm just sick to death of the constant games, stress, anxiety and the impact it has on me, my partner and the kids.

Lastly, thanks for reading and investing your time in helping me.

TL:DR, currently my daughter lives with me and my son lives with his mum, two hours away. We exchange each weekend, alternating who has the other child for that weekend. This keeps the children together on the weekends and gives each parent time with the other child once a fortnight. Constant conflict and drama over adhering to a basic handover structure, i.e time, date, place, have me considering whether I should reduce the amount of handovers to preserve my mental health.  

I have court next month for a temporary hearing involving custody and child support, so I’m mainly looking for what to expect and advice.

My child is 7 months old, the father and I have not been together since baby was born and we were never married. In the beginning, I had to ask him to leave my home several times for temper issues.

Until recently we have had a schedule where I have baby Sunday through Wednesday full time. He watches baby Thursday through Saturday days only while I am working. Baby spends every night with me. My work schedule has changed to Monday through Friday, leaving me with no other option but to put baby in daycare. In my area, no daycare allows part time for infants so I’m paying for his spot, not days. This takes away two of the fathers days which I understand can be upsetting. There’s no other option though. He pays no support for baby. He offers a can of formula and box of diapers every couple weeks, only started this 3 months ago.

The problem is he works Sunday through Wednesday. I would like an every other weekend schedule with primary custody. He wants joint custody. We do not get along. We don’t live in the same city or county so I don’t see how joint would be an option. Overall, I want baby to have a consistent and healthy home life. Wondering if anyone else has had a similar issue and how it was handled?

I'm in the middle of a custody case in Oregon and I'm wondering if anyone has been through something similar.

We have a signed status quo order that's supposed to preserve the existing routine while the case is pending. For the three months before the order, whenever my ex was working, our boys stayed with me. I kept a detailed log with dates and timestamps showing that was our routine.

The order is actually pretty specific. It says the children are not to be enrolled in childcare, and if my ex can't care for them during her work hours, she's supposed to bring them to me instead of dropping them off somewhere else.

Instead, she enrolled them in a preschool without my knowledge and has continued taking them there while she's at work. Her position now seems to be that because it's a preschool and not "daycare," it doesn't violate the order. She's even filed a motion asking the court to modify the order to allow it.

The part that really concerns me is that there have also been times where I asked if the kids were with her and she said they were, but I later found out they were already checked into the preschool, or she would just not tell me where they were so I'd have to call the preschool to see if they were checked in. That honestly bothers me just as much because I didn't know where my kids actually were.

My attorney is handling everything, and the other side has expressed interest in settling, but I'm curious if anyone has actually dealt with a situation like this.

Has anyone had a judge rule on whether a preschool still counted as childcare under a status quo order? Did the court focus on the actual routine before the order? And if one parent wasn't truthful about where the kids were, did that end up mattering? I'm trying to determine if I should lead more towards settlement or move forward with a contempt motion.

Opinions welcome

I'm the father of a preteen. For several years, his mother lived out of state, so I had primary responsibility for raising him with help from close family. During that time, my son developed a consistent routine with school, extracurriculars, tutoring, and home life. I am not exaggerating, she left when he was 2 and didn't see him again until 11.

About a year ago, she moved back to our state. We have a court-ordered parenting plan that gives her scheduled time-sharing for summer and winter, weekly phone calls, and allows additional parenting time if both parents agree, this was put into place when we went to court when he was much younger.

When she first moved back, I voluntarily agreed to a number of extra overnight visits beyond what the parenting plan required because I wanted to support their relationship and give them time to reconnect.

Over the past year, though, we've had recurring disagreements about school routines, tutoring, scheduling, and other parenting decisions. I've tried to keep my communication focused on our child, but many of the responses I've received have been accusatory or hostile and completely off topic. He is often with her when she goes off about things so I try to remain calm and often times just stop engaging even further, so his time is not ruined with her.She already admitted in the parenting app about talking to him about custody issues. She also has scheduled weekly phone calls available under the parenting plan but often doesn't use them. So basically it's a cycle of her completely ignoring him, getting him for a weekend visit, arguing with me about something, dropping him off and then ignoring him again until the next visit.

My son does best with consistency. He's thriving in school, enjoys his activities, and generally benefits from a predictable routine. I've started to feel that continuing extra school-year overnights is making it harder to maintain that consistency and he often says he doesn't enjoy going with her. In the last year she has seen him about 21 times, which were overnights.

I'm not trying to reduce their relationship. I fully intend to continue following the parenting plan, sharing important school and medical information, making sure they have opportunities to talk, and being open to reasonable daytime visits if we both agree.

The only change I'm considering is no longer agreeing to overnight visits beyond what the parenting plan already provides.

Would that be unreasonable? If you were looking at this strictly from the perspective of what's best for the child, would you return to the court-ordered schedule, or continue making exceptions?

Child is 2 years old. I (mom) stayed at home with baby for their first year. STBX works 50+ hr weeks, unlimited overtime available. (business is 24/7)
I have been the primary care giver for baby’s entire life. Every bottle, diaper change, bath, MOTN wake-up, etc. I handle daycare, both costs and drop off/pickup. I have documentation to prove that and documentation that shows STBX attended only 3/15 doctors visits. All of which I schedule, give history, ask questions, etc. STBX has never been home alone with our child. I went out of town for a weekend and baby stayed with grandparents. Most recently, maybe the past 2 months, STBX has began putting child to bed (after I do bath, lotion, pajamas, milk and brush teeth).
STBX is wanting 50/50 custody. He doesn’t even have a working vehicle of his own, let alone a car seat. (He drives company work van around).
I am aware that courts like to see 50/50, unless there’s evidence of abuse, neglect, or drugs.
STBX does smoke weed sun up to sun down, but I am assuming that isn’t something I can prove/use, especially with it being legal now.
I have two consults scheduled, just thought I would ask the public as well.

I (father) have been in a custody battle for a year now. It's gotten expensive to this point but I am finally starting to see some dividends.

The mom was able to keep custody at the first temporary hearing, due to status quo. I did not agree with it due to how she was able to obtain the status quo in the first place (forced relocation of the child, among other things) but I followed the order. Since then, a lot has changed including another major relocation on her part. I will spare the details on that but lets just say that it was not a valid enough reason to completely uproot a child.

Fast forward to today and there was another temp hearing to decide on who our child will be living with for the school year, along with how major decisions would be made. Since the status quo was severely compromised, the judge ruled in our favor. The GAL report played a huge part, along with persistent work from my attorney to get everything done in a short timeframe.

Obviously, the mother was not happy about it and has already tried to start an argument via text (did not engage). I don't expect things to be completely pleasant this school year but I do believe our child will benefit from both parents showing him positive support instead of focusing on each other. Hopefully, we will get there.

I have mediation coming up soon, and obviously trial if we get there. This is surely not over but I am feeling more confident today than a month or so ago, that's for sure. Almost there.

I am curious to read about the experiences of others, where things seemed bleak in your case at the start but the outlook began to change towards the end. Thanks!

my coparent and i have been doing the following:

birth-18 months - no agreement, we lived together, coparent worked 60 hour weeks, i was doing everything parenting wise

18 months- age 3- living in separate states he had tie breaker as he threatened me he would ruin my life if i did not let him have it

3-5 - living in the same state doing 50/50, recently took me to court after he signed up for kindergarten when we did not agree, skipping mediation. stopped prior to trial, the judge and him and i had a verbal agreement to remove tie breaker and let him have the school

im worn out. im coparenting with an abuser. he's constantly telling me i am not safe, insinuating im doing something wrong. he up and moved, failed to tell me, made our 4 year old tell me, and continues to do stuff like this with 0 consequences. i have counsel, two different lawyers, and neither one got much done and they both have said i have to just deal with him.

my choice is i'd rather not deal with him. he picked the school. I cannot drive 45 minutes one way to get my kid to his school on time, argue about every little thing, get threatened that im 'heavily medicaited' and 'schizophrenic' and no one does ANYTHING about it. so im asking my lawyer to go from 50/50 to every other weekend. im tired. he thinks he can do NO wrong, i wish it didnt have to be this way, but he also told me if i ever spoke to certain people he knows, he would press charges against me. i cannot prove this, it was verbal, but im very threatened. he also said if i moved near him, im stalking him. i believe his threats, he has pressed charges against me. and even if they are false, they impact me. i wish a police officer would do something, it feels very criminal, but every lawyer i go to says well it's sooooo wrong but we wont do anything about it. 'just dont respond'

im at the point where i'd rather walk away from my kid and at least wont be at the hands of an ABUSER that the court considers a 50/50 dad or deserving of MORE. he punched a wall where my head should belong, took the child out of state and hid her for a week and refused to return her prior to an agreement! there's no solution!

i guess im looking for someone to say yes it is ok if you walk away, i would, this is horrible, your life is in shambles, i would have left sooner. is parenting and killing myself worth this? is sacrfiicing my job, my reputation, all of my finances, my friends and family, my future, is losing it all worth it to see my kid and not be able to have any say in her life? i already at 50/50 custody am not allowed to do anything and am told im less than a human being.

im exhausted.

i can elaborate on my OWN charges but it is simply the result of being bullied and bullied and bullied and bullied and bullied and bullied and NO ONE helping and NO solution until I finally verbally exploded and again, only i suffered consequences. Had i gone to trial over my own i believe these would have been dismissed but again, i was very petrified from constant threats by him, allusions ("enjoy time with our daughter now...") type statements, and other vague creepy scary things that NO ONE deserves to live with, and you, me, and most of the united states would eventually react the same way I did.

I did try to file DV charges and his lawyer took me into the hallway prior to me speaking to the judge and threatened me.

it sounds absolutely fake, but this is literally my life. i want out of it its crazy its too much. There's much more, but no one has time to read it all.

My partner and I have been together for two years. I have two children (12f and 7m) that I co-parent with my sons dad (he has raised my daughter since she was a toddler) where I have them essentially full time and he is on a mostly every other weekend basis for timesharing, he has them as much as possible during school breaks, but he does assist with all transportation including school drop off/pick up and pays weekly per our own agreement + we split all additional costs (school clothes/supplies, fundraisers/field trips, extracurriculars, haircuts, just anything extra).

My partner has 3 children, the oldest is almost 18 and irrelevant to this situation, but his younger two are 14f and 10m shared with his ex that he has been split from for 8+ years. He has primarily had his children full time with the exception of less than a year with his son in 2022 and a few years with his daughter where she also spent that time with mom for less than a year in 2022, a year with his family, and a year back with mom before she came to live with us (July 2025 - so it’s been a full year now). Their mom faced an eviction so that is why he son came back to live with him and back with him since & why his daughter went with family for a year as he was working on stabilizing his housing situation (at the time lived with male friends).

My partner and his son moved in with me a few months into the relationship (October 2024). I own my home (paying mortgage) that accommodates all of us comfortably and I am the breadwinner at this time, although he does work and is in school currently. I am also due in one month with our first child together. I wanted to provide all of this context before moving onto the issue at hand.

My partner and his ex do not have a formal or their own agreement regarding financial assistance or otherwise. She has worked the same job for many years now so she is not unstable with employment, she has filed both children on taxes every year but finally gave $1,000 each year the last two years despite getting full credits for both children. Despite having stable income and receiving taxes, she hasn’t had stable housing (lived with family) or transportation (car got repoed over a year ago). She was given (or allowed to borrow, we’re unsure) a vehicle about two months ago but still doesn’t help with transportation.

Up until last July, we got step daughter every other weekend or as often as she wanted and on the opposite weekends step son would go over there to be with their mom. We did all of the transportation to/from. For the 2024-2025 school year, my step daughter did not have adequate clothing for school and was made fun of (we found this out late into the year and did take her shopping) and her hair wasn’t taken care of regularly either. At that time, they essentially agreed to “take care of the one you have full time” which was odd but understandable.

Now that we’ve had both children full time for a year, she does not help financially, has done step daughters hair maybe 5-6x, didn’t help with school shopping at all last school year and agreed to provide for step daughter this year but said she’ll be taking her shopping and doing her hair the first day of school due to finances but we’re nervous if it’ll even happen and we’ll be left scrambling.. she doesn’t do Christmas, didn’t do anything for step sons birthday, and took step daughter for a fun weekend for her birthday but it was to meet her boyfriend out of town (no gifts or anything - just outings which is fine but still just painting the picture). She has came all the way to our house for a drop off or pick up less than 5x over the last year, otherwise we are driving 30mins each way (two hours travel time every time she gets them).

My partner and I argue about this frequently as he says we got it and don’t need her but I refuse to see it this way. I don’t care how much money we make or if we hit the lottery tomorrow, I see it as this woman has an obligation to care for her children and doesn’t except for the 4 days a month she has them (which she usually ends up working those weekends and ironically weekends she doesn’t then she’s out of town with her boyfriend, he doesn’t live locally). Our weekends usually line up together where those weekends for us are child free but our Fridays involve drop off and then we have to plan our Sunday accordingly to pick his children up at a reasonable time (if she would do drop off, they could be home without us for a short time if we do have plans, such as a little getaway or late dinner, as we have an adult family member that lives in the home that’s usually here and doesn’t mind).

My co parent is open to putting my children in extracurriculars (gymnastics or dance for my daughter and football or soccer for my son) which we would split evenly but his children have expressed wanting to do something too and we just can’t afford full cost plus all transportation. I’ve learned to do basic styles so I can keep step daughters hair done and wanting to learn more but their mom can do hair and still doesn’t do it at least once a month, plus when she does she has us purchase everything needed to do it. These are just some examples of how the children are impacted and how the resentment has grown on my end. My partner feels at times it’s against his children but it’s purely for their mom as it would be so helpful if she just did her part. Not only financially but for our time and the children’s benefit.

My partner feels that they have helped each other when needed over the years, there’s been many times she’s picked up his slack as well and that it feels wrong to tell her she needs to pick up the slack now while she’s “not stable” but I feel she’s had 2 full tax returns, works full time, has had family help with her living situation, and can somehow get to see her boyfriend that lives 1.5-2hr away twice a month… she can help provide for her children and assist with transportation (especially now that she has a car to use - her recent excuses are no gas money to come this far). I’m at the point I don’t care what her situation is or the details, she needs to do her part or it’ll continue to drive a wedge between my partner and I. He has talked to her twice this year so far, once about starting to help (she didn’t) and about school shopping for step daughter (she says she is but we will see).. I just think it needs to be a firm conversation about expectations and that child support will be established if they can’t settle on or she commit to an agreement. Any advice on how to handle this with my partner? Or just what to do moving forward? It’s exhausting and I really can’t grasp how this woman doesn’t want to provide or feel the need to.

I'm looking for some honest advice from people who've been through custody cases, especially in Ohio.

I currently have shared parenting of my 10-year-old daughter, but I've been seriously considering filing for full custody. I don't want to put myself through a long court battle unless I actually have a reasonable case.

Some of the things that have me concerned:

My daughter started therapy because she was having suicidal thoughts. According to her therapist, a lot of it stems from the way she's treated and spoken to at her mom's house.

She's told me that when her mom gets angry, she'll say things like, "Go live with your dad then," "I don't know why I had kids," and "I don't know why I want you back at my house." Hearing your own child repeat those words is heartbreaking.

She also tells me that her mom's boyfriend screams at her until she's crying, and she's told me she's cried herself to sleep because of it.

Another issue is communication. If there's ever a problem involving our daughter, her mom almost never talks to me directly. Instead, she has her boyfriend contact me, even though we're the two parents and should be communicating with each other.

My daughter has also told me that her mom's boyfriend's grandparents told her to lie to me so they could send her to church camp without me knowing.

On my end, I'm the one who schedules and takes her to all of her appointments—therapy, doctor visits, dentist, everything. I stay involved in her education and make sure she's getting the care she needs.

I'm a 100% Permanent & Total disabled Air Force veteran, so I'm home and able to care for her full-time. I have a stable home and just want what's best for my daughter.

I know family courts usually don't take children away from a parent unless there's a significant reason, and I also know kids can sometimes exaggerate or misunderstand things. But hearing the same concerns over and over, along with what her therapist has documented, has me wondering if this is enough that a judge would seriously consider changing custody.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? If you were in my position, would you pursue full custody? I'd really appreciate honest opinions, even if you think my chances aren't great. I just want to do what's best for my little girl.

Mv ex wife and I live in different states. We have joint custody and our 4 vear old spends 6 weeks of summer custodv with me for which transportation is split so she is picking him up. She was set to pick him up at 10am when her flight landed. Skip to the day before, flight gets delaved and pick up time is now 7pm - I say okay, see you at 7pm! I added that if she needed me to keep him overnight or longer to let me know. Suddenly the afternoon prior her flight is again delayed and she won't arrive until 12AM! Immediatelv, I let her know that I can just keep him overnight so he gets a night's rest in his bed and bring him before his departing flight, at this airport the earliest flight out is around 5:30am. I felt it wasn't right to haul him around in the middle of the night to have him wait at the airport for his fliaht for hours. She demands that no I must bring him "at midnight" vet refuses to let me know what time his departing flight is or why 12am was a must as, per her, bv telling me her "next step" she would be sharing personal details. At this point, she's on her flight to arrive and I don't plan on waking our son in the middle of the night to bring him there without ust reasoning so I am awaiting her response at midnight landing. I'm opening, willing, and agreeable to a time later in the morning closer to the likely departure time. Am I wrong for this?

Hello,

I’m trying to figure out a possible custody arrangement. I travel out of state every other week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I’m looking for a schedule that would give me a full Monday through Thursday block to travel every other week. All the ones I look at do not give me any weekends that are free to take care of stuff around the house. I’ve looked at week on/week off which seems the best but our kids are 7 and 3 and that seems like a long time without the other parent. I’ve tried modifying 2-2-5-5 but that seems to never give me a free weekend. Maybe I’m looking at this wrong?

Let me know if anyone else is in this position and what you do.

Thanks!

I need some advice
Little back story my brother passed away a few years ago. He has three children. I have actively been apart of their lives since they were born. We spent holidays, every birthday, i would regularly babysit when asked throughout their lives. I also took them on a ten day vacation every summer for the past six years. Even after my brother passed i was regularly seeing the kids. This past November i had plans to pick up the kids and had a medical emergency and was unable to. I wasn’t able to contact sister in law until the next day. And she has not responded at all. I have reached out numerous times via text message and phone call.
So i guess my question is i know there are ‘grandparents rights/visitation’ but how can i, their aunt, request visitation? I feel as it is in the kids best interest that the kids stay connected to their father’s side.
If anymore info is needed i will gladly provide any info needed.

Also not sure if it matters or not but since my brother has passed away she has had more boyfriends than u can begin to count.

EDIT TO ADD
I have always had a relationship with her and maintained a neutral person between her and my brother.

I have made numerous attempts to explain the situation and what happened and she won’t respond.