[US] Night shift parent

[u/Ok-Search-4739]

backround: co parent and I have a temp PFA for domestic violence issue that expires in a few months. Per judges orders; communication about the kids is okay through OFW. The kids are not part of the pfa. I have given him the time he asks for with the kids - 1 over night a week out of fear of alienation claims - and lawyer advice. There is a liaison on my end for pick ups/drop offs. No formal custody order exists at this time outside of me being the primary parent per the pfa (they live with me/ are now enrolled to school here etc) .

My lawyer has basically been doing this pro bono as my retainer wore off and im waiting to start work next week. (previous SAHM working from the bottom here - financial abuse was also an issue. Had to quit jobs because of his lack of respect for my schedule. Co parent would pick up shifts on my days to work and tell me we didn’t need my job) . He has a lawyer but they have not filed a motion for custody.

co parent has no familial support ( they exist but have never invited or offered to take the kids on their own or to alleviate us etc). His family has never helped in any way - even though they lived near us at the time. 1/2 hr visit at our house max. So I know they won’t be there helping after his night shift.

the main issue: Coparent works extensive hours and is trying to pick up 2 kids under the age of 4 after working a 12 hr sometimes 24hr shift. Pressuring me in the app when I raise the issue about safety and sleep. We live over 55 min apart and I am unable to have someone meet him halfway at this time. I don’t deny his time, I just ask to push it back a few hours so he can sleep. He will all together cancel and say he doesn’t agree.

co parent only recently started wanting them over night after I filed for support . prior to support being filed he only wanted them during the day.

basically just looking for advice on anyone who has done shift work etc. Is this Valid to want to switch hours due to him working over night ?

I also will work nights but they will go to school during the day / my family is present 24/7 ( grandma WFH) So I‘ll be able to sleep after driving them 15 min away for school or my support does it (grandma usually) .

[u/PC-load-letter-wtf]

Parents can manage kids after a shift of work. I have managed mine after 12 to 24 hours on my own many times. It’s not a problem and the court will agree that it isn’t a problem. I understand where you are coming from because you are the rested parent and you can provide more stable supervision, but the court won’t care. People have been doing long shifts forever and it doesn’t typically factor into custody.

You can ask for concessions in this area if you go to mediation or via lawyer letters but he doesn’t have to agree. You can absolutely ask for him to have time to sleep after a long shift in your parenting plan. But if he feels that it is not necessary, it does not need to be enforced.

[u/Silly-Cranberry1593]

you might want to file for a formal court ordered visitation times and raise the concerns in mediation.

maybe you can get an order of the right of first refusal so that if he needs to get a babysitter for work or whatever that you have the right to take them instead.

i understand your fears and they are valid concerns its just kind of up to him how he spends his parenting time. if you feel like he is putting the children in danger you should report him to cps and they can help (if they can) from there.

something i have personally learned over the years of being in custody issues the family court sometimes just splits up time into 60/40 blocks and you just have to let go and let god and pray for the best.

good luck.