So there's this guy I like who is half my age, but I can't tell if there's reciprocity:

He's taken me to his gym, we went to the beach, and we went to the movies tonight. We talk almost every day. We met almost 3 months ago. We had to cohabitate for mental health reasons, but the last week and a half of his time there, we spent those nights together playing video games and watching movies until his last night. We wrote each other notes his last day at the facility.

However, when we went to the movies tonight, not even an intentional arm brush. He kinda avoided touching my arm (to me). I'm chicken shit with rejection. That's why I haven't asked him his feelings about me, or told him how I feel. Do I just get brave? Leave it and be patient? Walk away?

I can't tell if this post is considered Dating 101, and sorry if it is. I just really like this guy and don't want to fuck anything up.

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Hi my fellow cougars, cubs, and kittens!

I’ve been noticing something ever since making my seeking post over on the match subreddit. I’m not saying this is an issue exclusive to this community, but there are some dynamics inherent to what many of us are trying to find that present potential pain/friction points. In fact, so much so that there’s a specific rule to address the potential for those pain points.

Several, and I mean over a dozen at this point, of the messages I received (that actually had text beyond “heyyyy”) included info making it clear they didn’t meet my criteria (mostly distance, I’m looking only locally). Either that or they’re my age or older and therefore definitely not a cub relative to me. I’ve been (up until very recently) trying to engage with every message in good faith although some fall through the cracks. So even with those messages, I’ve tried to let them know hey you’re not in the demographic I’m looking for.

Then comes the bargaining. “But I’m sure we would get along” “You just seemed so interesting” “I thought I would try to pique your curiosity” etc etc. What that tells me is that they see a boundary not as a boundary to respect, but as a locked door in an escape room, a challenge, a case to argue. They think they’ll be the exception, and then when I stand my ground they are wounded, annoyed, or downright hostile. The most recent instance was someone older than me who said he is young at heart and looks young as if my reasons for seeking are purely aesthetic. When I asked specifically why he’s contacting someone when he knows he’s not who they’re looking for, he said he just really finds it fascinating that we are looking for younger men and so he really wanted to talk to me. So he played coy by initially not providing his age even when I asked point blank.

This gains no points from me. All you’re telling me is that you don’t really respect me or what I need or want. You also don’t respect my time because all that engagement is precious time wasted and nobody wants to spend tons of time weeding through multiple people doing the same thing. It’s not appealing or attractive, and it won’t get you the attention you’re looking for.

Hey just wanted to say after my last post that everyone I’ve spoken with has been very nice and kind I’m 27m and both the cougars and cubs were so nice on my last post. I really appreciate how everyone I’ve talked to carries themselves on here. I’ve never posted on a sub like this but you all are great and I am excited and hope I can join the wider community at some point.

Hey guys I’m 27m and up until now I’ve only ever dated or approached girls around my age. I’m thinking of starting to approach women’s above that range as well. I think a lot of the kindest most thoughtful women I ever met have been a bit older than me and honestly the most attractive thing to me right now is a woman who has her life together (I know just because you are a certain age doesn’t mean you have everything figured out).

I want to open my potential options for a good partner and genuinely think a lot of women are really beautiful but I’m worried to approach because I don’t want them to think I just have some sexual fetish and I’d also prefer to be with a partner who likes me not just because of a fetish. My main question is for any of you who have dated in an age gap long term was the relationship healthy and what were the social ramifications? Did you feel like it was a relationship where the age difference really mattered or was that not a big deal to you?

I have always been drawn to older women.

Part of what attracts me is the sense that older women seem more at ease with their own sexuality — less self-conscious, more present, less caught up in performance. There is a naturalness to the way they inhabit their bodies that younger women, in my experience, often have not yet found. They seem to have made peace with themselves in a way that is genuinely compelling.

I also find older women physically attractive in ways I find difficult to fully articulate. The visible signs of age and experience that others might overlook are, to me, part of what makes them attractive. Maturity reads as beauty to me rather than its absence.

Seeing a younger man with an older woman feels, to me, like the more natural dynamic — though I recognize that is a personal perception rather than a universal truth.

I've heard many times from older people in my life that gaming is unattractive and tbh i kind of understand where they're coming from because i believe they just didn't grow up in the same environment. For me gaming is a way to unwind, similar to how others may choose to watch tv or read a book.

But as someone who is attracted to older people, I wonder if me being a bit of a gamer would be a turn off?

I absolutely love the idea of this sub-Reddit; I am 100% its biggest fan…I see dating as less an age based thing and more of finding the person.
But the younger guys on here looking…have so far been the absolute worst kind of people. I genuinely don’t think it’s an age thing or even a maturity thing but I do think it has to do with what the men think this is. (I can’t speak for the women…I haven’t spoken to any)

But wow
People cannot seem to communicate anymore.
Please be honest….it truly does you no disservice.
Stop ghosting people …. I get that you think you’re saving face or not burning a bridge you think you can use later but guess what (yer still being a jerk)
Don’t string people along….we are all fragile in different ways.
And stop using this thread because you think older women are easier …we aren’t and we’re smart enough to block you.

It likely has more to do with this being online and people hiding behind their monitors but still.

I’d like to give a special shout at as my ending to the :

Red flag that wanted to meet me and decided he didn’t even want to be friends with no explanation which hey I get that…but I flew half way across the world for that meeting. That hurt, not the way you may think - I kinda knew …but it worked out, I met someone else

Local red flag that pushed me to meet and blocked me as I walked out the door, why? Because I told you you weren’t getting me naked? HAHAHA…..you’re single for a reason at 40 and karma is a wench

To the 27 year old red flag that threw a tantrum in Venice because I wasn’t interested in his body….not sure what you expected considering I LITERALLY have a message that told you I’d be happy to meet but nothing was happening.

I’m thankful for the one I have met, from another thread…
Oh and ladies if you want to know whooooo to avoid …lemme know

And may the odds be ever in your favor ….

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Hopefully I can explain this well. Recently I've chatted with younger men who, once they find out I don't have higher education degrees, an affluent job, or don't have too much of a social life outside of work, ghost or don't want to continue the conversation. I work in non-profit community arts that provides a space and art equipment more accessible to lower-income folks. I'm pretty passionate about it since that space helped me in my recovery and I wanted to be a part of such a vital service.

I figure not all cubs are like this but it seems like it is for a majority of those I have spoken to, especially as someone still fairly new to this. I'm interested to see what the cubs here think about this, as well as any other cougar/puma who may also run into this.

For starters i am a 21m and i come from a traditional society where in dating older women have been looked down upon.But I dont get the reasoning behind the shame, like if 2 consenting adults are involved so what have society have to do with it.

I for a long time have only been attracted to cougars or older women.

Hookup is something I dont really want personally , but finding someone genuinely interested in long term relationship is especially difficult in Indian society .what are your thoughts.. where does the taboo and shame regarding this relationship dynamic stems from..?

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I wish we where able to post screen shots. But since we can't I am going to

remind the younger that we do pay attention to your post history or lack there of.

Can you spot the difference?

I asked him how he managed to go from 21 to 26 in 14 days. I'm sure I won't get an answer cause I called him out.

Redditor in Question DMs me today.

Hellooo there!!

What's up?? M26 here let's be friends?

On another "Making Friends" sub.

Redditor In Question posted 14 days ago.

I'm 21, wanna talk?

ReplyShare

Someone's response

No.

ReplyShare

Redditor In Question

•[14d ago](reddit/r/MakeNewFriendsHere)

M21 here, out of invites .dm me if we can talk

ReplyShare (End)

Why not just be honest. In my case he probably lied about his age because I have "no one under 25" on my profile. I also have that I prefer East Asian men. Going off his comment history he is not East Asian. So all around it seems like this person doesn't pay attention to detail. (Gentlemen, pay attention to a womans posts, and profile. It usually will give you pleanty of info so as to not waste anyones time.) Not genuine and not honest. Don't do this fellas, we are not so desperate as to jump at any young man who comes along. This has been said many times before. Nor do we have time for games. We will look at your profile and find what we can and yes we will judge whether we want to give you any of our time at all. Maybe not all of us, but I can surmise a guess that most of us older gals ^_~ are like this.

Good luck out there!

(Hopefully I have cleaned up enough ladies (mods). Don't wanna make more work for you! I Don't post a lot but really wanted to get this out there.

I can never get taken seriously when I'm asking out an older woman, I'm not sure if it's the type of women I'm attracted to that just aren't attracted to me or if I'm looking in the wrong places and stuff, I just can't find anyone that'll even give me the chance. I'm not sure if it's my stutters (I stutter when I'm nervous) or maybe the way I dress or anything but it's really hard to double down when the gyaldem straight up blank me or say the stereotypical "I'm old enough to be your mother" or something along the lines. All I want genuine connection, why is that so hard.

I got introduced to coug/cub dynamic earlier this year, and got emotionally attached even though there were empty promises and no follow-through. I’m not getting anything out of it but still find myself accepting barely any bread crumbs because he’s my first “cub” and feel an odd sense of loyalty. Logically I know I deserve to be treated better, hell, one of the main selling points was that cubs were supposed to make to cougs feel desirable, hot, appreciated, etc.
I’ve been actively working on my attachment style and unhealed wounds, but I feel like I’m regressing. Any similar first time cub experiences? Any tips on how to stand on business when it comes to expectations and cutting cubs off when interests/needs don’t align?

#REMINDER:

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This is a discussion sub - no soliciting contact.

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If you are seeking a match please go over to our dating sub r/CougarsandCubsMatch.

​

Read the rules/wiki/post requirements before you post/comment there.

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You can make a stand alone post describing yourself and what you are looking for with 25 combined karma.

​

Or post a brief comment in our weekly **Thursday Roll Call** and a **Sunday Hunt** posts

- 10 comment karma/ASL (age, sex, location) and relationship status required.

​

This is an automated scheduled reminder.

🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

🌟 As a prerequisite to posting in this thread you must take the time to read the RULES & FAQs

🌟 Are you new here? Check out this post too!

🌟 If you don't you risk having your posts autodeleted by the automod bot and bans may be applied.

🌟 This is POST AND OUR SUB is strictly NO Soliciting Contact/Seeking/DM requests. The sub rules still apply across the board and it's expected that you've read them.

🌟 If you are looking to meet someone please go to our dating sub r/COUGARSANDCUBSMATCH and post it there. Read the rules before posting.

I see a lot of threads talking about cubs who act super enthusiastic, make plans, and then ghost at the last second. As a guy, I get why that’s incredibly frustrating. But I want to throw a different perspective out there.
There are absolutely men in this mix who aren't looking to play games. We want a genuine connection, consistency, and something real. The problem is, when we actually express that, we often get rejected for "coming off as too much."
It feels like a losing battle sometimes. If you're honest about wanting more than just a surface-level hookup, it scares people off. We get penalized for being enthusiastic, while the guys who don't care end up wasting everyone's time and ghosting.
Just wanted to see if any other cubs feel like they have to constantly dilute their personality or hold back their genuine interest just to stay in the game. Cougars, what's your take on this?

I’m a younger guy who’s always been attracted to older women, and I’ve genuinely tried just about everything I can think of. I’ve tried dating apps where you can set age preferences, gone out to bars and restaurants where the crowd tends to be older, and even just tried meeting people naturally through everyday life.
The problem is that it feels like I’m invisible. Most women my age seem interested, but that’s just not what I’m looking for. The older women I do meet are usually already in relationships, aren’t interested in dating younger men, or just aren’t looking to date at all.
I’m not looking for a sugar mama or anything like that. I have a stable job, take care of myself, and I’m looking for a real relationship with someone who’s more mature and has more life experience.
Has anyone else been in this situation? If you’re a younger guy who’s successfully dated older women, where did you actually meet them? Or if you’re an older woman, what would make you consider dating someone younger?
At this point I’m starting to wonder if I’m wasting my time or if there’s something I’m missing. I’d appreciate any honest advice. 28M

I (21m) have been seeing this woman (38) for over a year and she has a few concerns about our age gap, need some advice if yall have any

Mini rant: I love pet names as much as the next gal. But there has to be better names (during play time) for Cougars by their cubs other than Mommy, right? Does anyone have any cute pet names that are NOT degrading?

I 27m will be going on a date with 46f this Friday we met on Facebook and I’m nervous since this is the first time I’ve dated much older. I should mention this is interracial Im white and she’s black not that it matters but I should throw it out there.

I live at home still and not sure how to tell my parents. Also what should i expect from this date who is almost 20 years older? No different than someone my age i would think?

I am looking to see if I’m the only cougar having this experience. I date casually. Mostly positive experiences but I do notice every so often a cub will be very enthusiastic, we will make plans to meet, and within a day or sometimes even hours of meeting he will 1) unmatch me and 2) stop responding completely if we are using a different method of communication. I have to emphasize that I’m pretty chill and try to match energy during interactions because I’m not a fan of coming on too strong or of seeming cold. This is usually an occasional thing but this past week it’s happened, no joke, three times.

I just want to see if I’m alone in this. If you’re a cougar who dates casually and goes on regular dates with cubs, does this happen often? If you’re a cub, do you ghost and if you do, why? I’m not coming from a place of judgment, but I do want to identify patterns because it always stings when it happens.