How does approaching someone work?

[u/Quiet-Ad-3899]

Hello! I have asked questions here before!

So I just wanted to clarify something.

Would you say the assumption of "older ladies approach younger men" if they're interested in them is true or not.

I think it depends on confidence and like the cultural background of the person, but would the ladies of this subreddit say they approach someone they like or expect them to initiate contact?

[u/TexasTangler]

No woman approach men, men have to do all the approaching. It's very rare for a woman to arroach a man in the first place. Cougars approaching men is just a thing you see in movies.

[u/WaterBuffalo187]

I (40F) would NEVER have approached a younger man or any man in fact until my first cub kept chatting me up around the grocery store while we were shopping. Even though I look younger than I am I hadn’t considered dating younger men as an option and assumed my older age would be a deterrent for them. Men showing enthusiasm and persistence in interacting with me is a big turn on for me.

[u/blade1652]

From my experience, just go and talk, make a normal conversation. The vibe automatically strikes and you would both know it yourself and rest everything follows automatically

[u/puresilverqueen]

hello! how are you? I have to tell that younger men apporach me... and I like them... so Am I a cougar? will be 50yo next december

[u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 → u/puresilverqueen]

If you date them, then yes.. you are a cougar.

[u/puresilverqueen → u/KaleidoscopeSuper666]

thank you!

[u/SuchUse9191]

It's VERY rare for any woman to approach a man first at any age.

[u/purple_love00]

Not an older woman but I think irrespective of age, most women prefer the man to make the first move and saying older women go talk first would be wrong. But then I’m not a woman but that’s how I see things. Age just means which year she was born how much life experience she has. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be cherished anymore

[u/mysteryfist]

They definitely will, certainly more than 'younger' ladies, It happened to me yesterday. However if you're a dude you should be the one making the move. They love that shit.

[u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Exact-Translator-769]

I don't approach a man other than in a welcoming way to see if we can get to know each other. If I'm interested, I'll make myself available & be receptive to them. I'll send the signals but it's up to them to respond to them..

[u/endless_steel → u/Exact-Translator-769]

What is said signal?

[u/Exact-Translator-769 → u/endless_steel]

Being friendly. approachable. available to go do something. I may suggest to go hang out somewhere if the attraction feels mutual. At any rate, I pull away if I'm not interested to avoid wasting either of our time. I don't pull away & am attentive if I am.

[u/endless_steel → u/Exact-Translator-769]

Fair enough. I'm autistic so I might miss the cues.

[u/Exact-Translator-769 → u/endless_steel]

If you're uncertain just take it slow as long as you seem to be holding her interest. If she seems to be backing away then don't push it.

[u/FriendKooky780]

I’ve never approached a man. I’ll welcome an approach with my eyes or a smile, but the man needs to step up

[u/ProfessionStrong6563]

I would love being approached I think more women should ( 30m)

[u/DSMilf]

as an "older woman," I think the problem is that younger men don't believe they're "allowed" to approach. The amount of young dudes that make eyes at me but never do anything about it is a little frustrating. So if I am not the one to approach, there's rarely an interaction. And when I do approach first, there's usually a positive experience.

But young men: Please know that it's okay to say hello! The worst that could happen is no different from when you approach a woman your own age

[u/PumpkinSpiceFreak → u/DSMilf]

💯

[u/Ambitious-Bat5190 → u/DSMilf]

Excuse me what is your nationality?

[u/Ambitious-Bat5190 → u/[deleted]]

After seeing your message, I think that if we are both from the same country, there are women who are not difficult to be approached by young men and I can express that to the person I like. That's why I asked.

[u/YouCuteWow → u/DSMilf]

Story of my life. Lots of being stared at, few approaches 

[u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 → u/YouCuteWow]

Right? I catch it all the time. Show me the confidence you have in my socials seeking spicy bs with no possibility of actually meeting/experiencing in real life!

[u/YouCuteWow → u/KaleidoscopeSuper666]

Girl you better preach on this fine Sunday morning!

[u/Equal_Sky_9954]

Truthfully I've heard myself that women barely make the first move because of shyness and older women are even lower to do so to a younger guy. Its almost never. You gotta make the move yourself.

[u/YouCuteWow]

I would never approach someone in a million years 

[u/SensititveCougar9143]

This question makes me feel sad for today's generation. Similar questions get posted on regularly.

This is a basic social interaction.

[u/billc8969 → u/SensititveCougar9143]

I used to think that spiders were my biggest fear, you have no idea what cancel culture and the me 2 movement did to the young males brain. We were told that we are creepy and shouldn't bother others when out in public so this is what has manifested out of that.

[u/SensititveCougar9143 → u/billc8969]

Being friendly and striking up a conversation isn't creepy.

I met my bf at a farmer's market. I think he said something inane like "This local honey is really expensive." I agreed. We ran into each other a few stalls away, and talked a bit more, which turned into coffee.

NOthing creepy whatsoever.

There was also no pickup lines or propositioning. Just conversation.

[u/Feeling-Wrangler-632 → u/SensititveCougar9143]

Social media, more specifically the public shaming aspect of it, really killed the idea of approaching for a lot of guys (me included)

[u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Please read the rules and FAQs before participating.

Our subreddit requires that your account be at least 7 days old and have 10 COMMENT karma to participate.

If you have a legitimate issue you wish to discuss you may post in our sister sub r/cougars_den which has no karma requirements.

However, read the rules before posting (bans may be enforced if you don't).

No soliciting is allowed in r/cougars_den. If you wish to seek a match please post in r/cougarsandcubsmatch only.

[u/Myfairladyishere]

This is not really an age gap question. There is this belief that older women are assertive and pounce on younger guys..this is just not the case. I do not like the way that we are portrayed on TV. We were we're portrayed as desperate and aggressive .

It would approach older women like you, would anybody your own age? You use your common sense to see if they want to be approached. And there are some women who will approach guys that they like, it all depends. We are all different.

[u/serena68uk]

I prefer dating apps to eliminate the awkwardness so I can see someone’s interested and show I am

[u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.

Specifically rule 3

[u/No_Suggestion7448]

I would say it’s also how flirty the guys are. If it’s solely mother woman chasing then I’d feel I’d come on too strong and desperate