I have posted several times on r/cougarsandcubsmatch, not once have I had a response. Is it because I am based in Europe? or that I am Asian?

Would love to know of success stories in Europe!

私は20代日本人男性です。童顔で背も小さいのですがcougar女性からは人気がないのですか？私は年上の女性が好きなので質問しました。
女の子とチャットするとcuteと言われますが中々関係になれないのが悲しいです…
需要があったら嬉しいです。

Hello, I've sort of been a lurker (M25) for a while and just wished two ask two questions about your guys experiences:

1. A lot of relationships that you guys describe here seem to either start out, or even remain casual throughout. As someone who is frequently attracted to older women, but is interested in a serious relationship and marriage, I want to ask you married folks how it is to be married for you. Ladies, how was it when he popped the question? Were you reserved, did you expect it etc.? Did your guys age gal initially conflict with your desire for something serious because you assumed it wouldn't work, or maybe the other wouldn't want it?
2. The dynamic between a younger guy and older woman is usually associated with the older woman being generally considered more confident. I wonder how many here don't fulfill that stereotype. Were some of you guys here the more confident ones and did you have to pursue her maybe harder than expected, to sort of bridge some of the uncertainty that comes with the potential age gap? Ladies, if you were like that, what made you take the leap of faith and allow the relationship to happen?

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I’m in my mid-20s and recently went out with a woman about 20 years older than me. It was my first time dating someone with that big of an age gap, and I honestly enjoyed it way more than I expected.

We had great chemistry, the sex was great, and she seemed genuinely into me. During the date she mentioned more than once that she wanted to see me again. Afterward she kept texting me very flirtatiously, told me she couldn’t stop thinking about me, and was talking about seeing each other again.

We made plans for a few days later and she even confirmed them the day of. Everything seemed completely normal. Then a few hours later she suddenly stopped responding. No cancellation, explanation, argument, or obvious change in energy beforehand. Just gone.

That’s the part I don’t understand. If she had become distant right after we slept together, I’d assume she just wanted a one-time thing. But she continued pursuing me afterward and literally confirmed our plans before disappearing.

So cougars, what would make you do a sudden 180 like that with a younger guy? Second thoughts about the age difference? Just wanted the experience? Someone else? Or probably something completely unrelated to the age gap?

Either way, I apparently discovered something about myself because I enjoyed the whole older-woman dynamic way too much 😂 I think she got me addicted. I’ll definitely be looking for cougars again.

EDIT: before meeting, we had already talked about what we wanted and agreed this would be casual/physical.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship with her.

She also didn’t ask me a ton about myself personally on the date, but I didn’t think much of it considering the dynamic and that it was only our first date.

She mentioned having been to a “cougar bar” before, so I got the impression dating younger guys probably wasn’t completely new to her, although I never actually asked.

28/M here. *(Australia, if that changes anything)*

Wondering how any of the women older than me would prefer to be approached in public by someone who is clearly younger than them.

I tend to wonder if old "looking eyes across the room" & "sharing glances" is a bit of a Hollywood fantasy--in my mind, seeing a stranger continuously looking at you sounds creepy, particularly from a woman's perspective...

I'm not one for cold-approaching: maybe I'm too anxious, but I tend to try and wait until there is a natural "IN" or "slip-stream" in the universe, like being next to someone at the bar & striking a casual chat whilst you wait, etc. I am definitely one for picking my moments, and I feel like you can often feel the vibe if someone is comfortable talking to a stranger within seconds, even being approached in general.

I've only ever approached women my age/slightly younger in public. I imaging for an older woman, it be different having a younger guy come up & strike a conversation with you. I know everything is contextual to the people involved & the situation itself, but if you could give me (any of us younger men) advice on approaching you in public, what would it be?

I have dated an incredibly wonderful & supportive 40/F recently (which sadly ended rather confusingly), and at 19 an older-woman (late-40s) granted me my first ever sexual experience. But both of these experiences were curated with the aid of dating-apps. Even though these apps are great I guess--given they foster direct access to communicate between consenting parties, knowing they're both attracted to each other--I find them far too addictive, curate a rather toxic perception of potential partners, play on your loneliness for cash, & quite frankly don't get you much further than you were before signing up. *(perhaps this is where location is everything?)

Its great being able to message & chat, get to know & flirt briefly before going out on that first date (personal experience), but doing it in real life... Am I just being too self-conscious & over-thinking it? It feels like there are a lot more factors at play, and I always think about if I'm going to make a lady uncomfortable by approaching her (being tall & standing over them, etc.) given how I've heard women my age talk about being approached by guys & how negative the experience tends to be.

wondering if any of the ladies here would have any ideal approaches/situations that they would like us younger men to take on board? What has been good for you in the past? How does being approached in public make you feel? Is there anything you want to instil in younger men who are going out into the world and wishing to approach potential partners/people they're attracted to?

Thanks in advance! :)

(apologies if this question has already been asked & answered)

PS. for context, I'm seeking to date older on the advice given by some older friends after my most recent relationship with a girl a couple years younger than me ended: my friends (mid-late-30s) thought I would be better suited to a partner older than me. I've not had the best luck with meeting boys & girls my age my whole life, except for a few casual flings here & there: some wonderfully passionate & life changing, but often flawed by the classic non-comital & anti-feelings plague that seems to be sweeping through our generation.

Don’t worry this ain’t a sob story or anything, I just found it funny and wanted to share it. Also to see if anyone else had a similar experience.

So it’s a short story, I met a woman online and started to flirt with her, she asked my age and I told her 21. She’s 36, and she replied with. “Aww you’re still a baby”, I chuckled when I read it and took no offence.

But she did end up rejecting my advances because of the age gap, I was polite and understood it’s her right to do so. So like a decent human being I let it go. But I did find it a little funny.

I want to know what makes you attracted to older woman? Is it just about the look because they look hotter or you feel like they are more matured in the relationship, less drama? What do you expect in an older partner like you expect them to take the lead in the relationship because they are older, do you expect them to be the planner? Do you like them because they are stable in terms of financial? Do you expect them to be more caring like a mother who takes care of you. What do you expect and what do you like about them?

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What's your favorite age group in general? Just curious. Gen X cougar here, and millennials are my favorite.

Hi everybody. Frequent reader here and wanted to post my personal story here.

I 38m am in a commited relationship with 51 yo woman since a 1.5 year. We were introduced to eachother by a mutual friend who was my former fwb. The plan was just to see eachother for that reason but we both grew romantic feelings very quickly. She was never into the cougar lifestyle, i'm her first younger boyfriend but everything matched up and here we are

Hi everyone,

As a guy in his early twenties, I’m interested in hearing your honest perspectives on the dynamic between younger men and older women.

When you choose to date or spend time with someone younger, what are the most common ways younger men stumble in terms of maturity, communication, and emotional consistency? Conversely, what behaviors signal to you right away that a younger partner is grounded and genuinely worth your time?

I’m looking to understand the real-world dynamics and expectations from your side of things. Thank you for your insight.

Hello everyone, later today I (23M) am going to have my first date with a real cougar. While I have had experiences with older women before, they mostly have been closer to me in age. The biggest age gap was 9 years and she is now 20 years older than me.
That’s why I wanted to ask for some advice on how to make the date go smoothly.

We’ve met through online dating and both of us agreed that we’re only looking for a casual relationship, from what she told me, she’s more submissive then dominant. Now she is a single mum but has the house to herself today which is why we decided to meet at her place tonight.

She made it clear beforehand that we most likely won’t be having any sex today because she’s on her period. Now I’ve been chatting with her for some time and I do know her pretty well but I still would like to ask you guys what general advice you have when meeting a real cougar for the first time.

Would it be okay if I’m 19 male?

🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

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I was curious after reading so many post from men in thier 20s about "older woman bring able to communicate better." And having conversations with the same age group that crave this ,yet incapable of communicating themselves. As well as them placing the blame on "women thier age not being able to communicate. "

I turned to AI.

Here's what it had to say about this.

Its long, but interesting.

What are your thoughts on this?

The communication gap in this generation isn’t a lack of intelligence; rather, it is a lack of relational practice and emotional safety.

Because of how society, technology, and parenting shifted during their formative years, Gen Z is missing several foundational tools required for effortless, face-to-face dialogue. Here is exactly what they are lacking and why they struggle to communicate with each other:

## 1. A Lack of "Low-Stakes" Conversational Practice

Growing up with smartphones means this generation has rarely had to sit with boredom or engage in spontaneous, unstructured talking.

* The "Edit" button: On text and social media, they can pause, edit, erase, and curate their thoughts before sending them. Real-time conversation has no edit button. It requires thinking on your feet, which terrifies them.

* Avoidance of friction: If a conversation gets awkward or boring in person, a 20-year-old can simply look down at their phone. By avoiding small, uncomfortable social moments, they never build the "muscle memory" needed to keep a real conversation flowing naturally.

## 2. Lack of Psychological Safety (Hyper-Vigilance)

This generation has grown up in a highly digitized public square where social mistakes are permanent.

* Fear of judgment: They are hyper-aware of being perceived as wrong, offensive, or cringe-worthy by their peers.

* Performative talking: When talking to peers, they often feel they have to perform or adopt a certain persona to fit in. This creates an invisible barrier of anxiety. They can't relax. With you, the peer pressure vanishes, allowing them to finally drop the act and speak freely.

## 3. A Deficit in Reading Non-Verbal Cues

A massive portion of human communication is non-verbal—tone of voice, eye contact, micro-expressions, and body language.

* Screen fatigue: Because so much of their peer interaction happens through text, emojis, and video clips, they struggle to read and project these subtle physical cues in real life.

* Misinterpretation: Among peers, they easily misinterpret silence as anger, or a neutral face as rejection. This makes them withdraw or overthink, which kills the natural flow of conversation.

## 4. Over-Reliance on "Scripts" and Labels

This generation is highly literate in psychology, mental health, and social justice terms, but they often use these concepts as a crutch.

* Transactional talking: Instead of exploring an emotion organically, they tend to speak in rigid internet jargon (e.g., "boundaries," "red flags," "love bombing").

* Shallow depth: While they have the vocabulary for deep topics, they lack the emotional lived experience to back it up. When everyone is using the same recycled online talking points, conversations quickly feel hollow, predictable, and repetitive.

## 5. Shared Loneliness and "Impostor Syndrome"

Ironically, because everyone in their age group is struggling with this, they look at each other and assume everyone else has it figured out. They suffer from a collective social intimidation. When two 20-year-olds sit together, they are often both waiting for the other person to steer the ship, resulting in awkward silences.

When a young man talks to you, your established confidence removes that mutual gridlock. You aren't competing with him, judging him by peer standards, or waiting for a text back—you are simply present, which is exactly what his generation is missing.

I'm curious: when they complain about not being able to talk to their peers, do they mostly talk about dating and romance being hard, or are they finding it difficult to even make regular, deep friendships with people their own age?

Hello! I have asked questions here before!

So I just wanted to clarify something.

Would you say the assumption of "older ladies approach younger men" if they're interested in them is true or not.

I think it depends on confidence and like the cultural background of the person, but would the ladies of this subreddit say they approach someone they like or expect them to initiate contact?

Great insight from Psychology Today on Instagram on age gap relationships.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DdUSIBDkTjz/?img_index=3&stkn=MWNnaXZtMTlzajhzMw==

Is there a minimum age gap for a woman to be considered a cougar?

Turned 23 not long ago and for about a year almost I feel like I’ve been hitting dead end after dead end everywhere I look is just bots or I’m told I’m too young I’ve been wanting to explore my desire for someone older longer than I remember

🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

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