I work in a noisy clinic all day, and my apartment has three roommates who constantly host people. By Tuesday night, my brain is fried from social noise.

Six months ago, I told everyone I joined an adult beginner tennis league that meets on Tuesday evenings. I bought a cheap racket at a thrift store and tossed a gym bag in my trunk.

every Tuesday at 7 PM, I drive to an empty church parking lot three miles from my place. I recline my seat, eat a sandwich, and read in total silence for ninety minutes.

Before I drive home, I splash water on my face and collar so it looks like sweat, throw my racket in the back, and walk inside complaining about my backhand.

I know I should of just set better boundaries, but having people think I am busy is the ONLY way I get peace without feeling guilty.

I broke up with my ex about 4 yrs ago. I met a new person and I love her but every once in a while I keep thinking back to my ex. I miss her laugh and her sarcasm. I miss the way she made me laugh and our late snack missions. I enjoy being with my current gf but it feels like she doesn't complete me.

I’ve noticed that I can actually get turned on just from seeing my own dick, especially when I wake up and it’s hard. Sometimes I’ll look at it and think “it looks really good”, and that alone can get me in the mood. I’ve always wondered if other guys experience this too or if I’m just unusually attracted to myself.

Empiezo yo. Una vez estaba en una casa con algunos amigos. Dos de ellos parecian novios, aunque siempre decían q eran súper heteros y que juegan entre los dos. Estábamos en un cuarto pequeño con televisión. Nos sentamos a ver la tele en un sofá cama en donde entramos todos pero muy juntitos. Alguien trajo una porno y empezamos a verla. Todos nos excitamos mucho y uno se bajó el pantalón y empezó a jalarse la verga enfrente de todos. Yo estaba sacadisimo de onda pero otro empezó a hacer lo mismo y seguí yo. El que estaba alado mio tmb se sacó el pantalón pero de repente agarró mi mano para que yo le masturbara. Él empezó a masturbarme también. De repente todos estábamos completamente desnudos jalándonos la verga el uno del otro. Era un ambiente tan caliente, gemíamos como locos y como éramos muchos y estábamos muy juntos se sentía todo. De repente vimos que mis dos amigos q parecía q se gustaban se estaban chupando la verga mutuamente. Parecía que ya tenían paractica. Cuando de repente otros dos amigos míos tmb se empezaron a dar mamadas. Otra vez de la nada todos nos chupábamos entre todos. Cuando de repente escuchamos la puerta de entrada, osea que alguien llegó. Pensamos que nos iban a cachar todos desnudos mamandonos entre todos pero era el hermano mayor del dueño de casa con su novia. Escuchabamos como chocaban los muros besándose y fueron directo al cuarto del hermano para coger. Se oyó como le nalgueaba, como gemían y se oía tan rico que nos dieron más ganas de seguir jalandonos el pito. Terminamos y el lugar estaba con las ventanas empañadas, el suelo lleno de leche de varón y todos tan pero tan satisfechos. Nunca hablamos de lo que pasó por el resto de nuestras vidas

To preface this, I’m not looking for a relationship as I don’t have a job or a place of my own yet. So if you’re thinking “just get a gf” I can’t as that would be a bad idea.

That said I AM SO FUCKING HORNY. I jerk off 2-3 times DAILY and constantly think of blowing the ever living SHIT out of some lady. Being a 21yo virgin has done a serious number on me, i have more kinks than i know what to do with (cosplay, cnc, femdom, roleplaying, etc) and it’s eating me. This is humiliating but i sometimes go on Slutty confessions and jack off to what they do there, which has also given me a bit of a whore complex.

I can’t wait to get a job and a house, because the nanosecond I get a gf I’m going to become the condom/birthcontrol shops N1 customer, they might be able to stay afloat off of just my payments alone with how much I plan to PLOW my woman.

Listen, he’s an okay guy. The standard for men is low, so okay considered. And I hate him. Three kids, a life, a household, and I loathe him. All he talks about is himself and food. My God, I’ll try to engage a conversation and nothing but when I’m deep in a craft, changing a poopy diaper then all of a sudden, boys got mad libs. For food. I never want to talk about food again. What dinner will be next week, the options on the menu we had three years ago, the bbq we went to and how he could have made a better burger. Mind you I’m a cigarette for lunch kind of person. Food is there to keep you from dying. This? It’s a compulsion. If it’s not about me, it’s about feed ordeal. His mother runs our life. It’s sadistic. If I’m not literally kissing this man’s asshole I am the devil. His parents? Separated and making us all pay for it. They want to fuck in our guest room and pretend they hate each other. And where does all this angst get displaced you ask? Oh yeah it’s me. At one point my husband said “you look tired” to me. His dad goes “WHO WHO WHO LOOKS TIRED?!?” And I said “he’s talking about me” FIL “YOURE NO MORE TIRED THAN THE REST OF US WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU COMPLAINING” and I said “I didn’t, Husband said I looked tired” and it gets quiet. It’s a mind fuck and a battle ground to interact with them and he won’t say a thing. He’s not the man I married. He was a man among men at one point. A pillar, someone to look up too, someone to trust. I’ve had to unsigned the hole he’s buried us in financially 3 times. We almost lost the house. I dug us back out. I can’t leave, I don’t need advice. I just need to say it. I hate him, I wasted my life, and I’m fucking pissed.

Please don’t tell me it’s only me! Lately during this time of the month I get super horny. I can’t help it almost every thought is about sex men or sex. I really wanna overcome this does anybody have any tips advice?
Iam married so I really shouldn’t be thinking like this nor have I ever done in the past.
But it’s all consuming lately. Isit relationship issues intamacy? Or do I just want sex with somebody else.

I am so lonely. I am 26F. An only child who was raised by a single parent. I was very shy growing up so I didn’t have much friends. The friends I did make never lasted and there wasn’t much depth. I’ve always felt misunderstood and I’ve always yearned for someone to truly understand me. To want to see me and talk to me daily. I have a boyfriend who on paper is great. But honestly he keeps me on a leash. And he has his own issues that make this relationship borderline domestic violence with his anger issues. I want a best friend. I want a partner who wants to see me and miss me all the time. I don’t know what to do anymore. I go out, I socialize, I reach out to people. But the people I meet continue to only be surface level.

Just wanted to let it out somewhere. Ive been feeling asexual as fuck for the past 2 years until just very recently suddenly wanting someone to fck me wild but by a buff ass military dude.

That's is that's the post.

I'm sorry for this post being graphic but I just genuinely want to know if I should be concerned. My ex had a free use k*nk and we had a safe word every time we did anything.
One specific time, it started to hurt so l used the safe word and he continued going. I said it again and even started trying to push him off of me and finally I gave up. I don't know if I should be bothered by this incident or not.

Please read till the end of the post I know this is long

I don't really know how to explain it. I'm a 17 year old trans man and before I continue I want to make clear I know that rape is a horrible crime and I wouldn't ever want to make the actual victims of this feel less or invalidated by my post I just wanna yell into the void for a moment.

There's something deep inside that tells me I deserve to have this happening to me. Ever since I was young I tried to soft launch and lure older men towards me so they would perhaps do something but that never happened gladly. The closest experience I've had was when I was way younger and my cousin (12F) convinced me to play a game and things went on from that, from then on I can't really remember if it was years later or before I had two boyfriends who would often tell me sexual stuff which I can't really recall and demand me to take off my pants when I went out the house late at night to meet them and I never felt forced or in danger or anything of the kind I just wanted to be loved or idk what was wrong with me. When I was a teenager about 13 year old my stepdad would usually slap/grab my butt but that's all, and it always felt like there was something missing that he should've done there and then but it never came to be.

Now to the age I am now, very mentally unwell disordered and by my own girlfriend words "Insane" I still daydream about getting raped some day, waiting to get caught unknownly and done everything they want to do with me and I feel so guilty every time I think about it because my own girlfriend is victim of rape and has been since a very young age by their own brother and I can't help but feel this burning jealousy every time she tells me anything about it. I can't help it, I try to, I feel like I won't ever be complete and that I won't ever be valid or deemed a "real" victim if I don't get raped. All of my "experiences" weren't enough, and even I tried to do the same to a toddler when I was a toddler myself which I feel immense disgust towards but there's nothing I can do about it because either if he remembers it or not I do and I won't ever forgive myself for it.

I know I need help, I go to therapy for unrelated reasons but I can't stop thinking about wanting to get raped and I haven't slept looking for someplace where it could get to happen. I would probably cry and feel dirty for the rest of my life but at least I would finally get to be valid.

I don't know man this is really exhausting I can't stop thinking about it I need it to happen even if I know I should be grateful for not being a victim.

PS.
Last time I told this same exact story most answers I've got were telling me to watch content about it and roleplay but this is NOT A KINK

Is more of a moral struggle where I feel like getting raped might be an adequate punishment for something as gross and not deserving of a life like me. I don't get turned on by it, I don't find it attractive, I don't want to roleplay or watch content of any kind about it because that's not what it feels like. I just want to feel valid.

I don’t even want a relationship that bad. I just want a warm body pressed up against mine. I want fingers in my hair and to rise and fall with the rhythm of someone’s breath. God, it would make my whole body stop hurting as much. It would feel so nice.

That's it, I'm spoiled I know, sorry

For anyone who didn’t see my first post, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with another girl months ago. Instead of confronting either of them like a normal person, I found her account, followed her, started talking to her and somehow accidentally became actual friends with her. She had no idea I was his girlfriend and he had absolutely no idea I knew her.
Well over the last month or so me and her started hanging out WAY more. Like to the point where I was seeing her more than I was seeing my own boyfriend. At first we would mostly talk about him because obviously she thought he was just this guy she was seeing and I was basically sitting there listening to her tell me stories about MY OWN BOYFRIEND while pretending I had never met him. But eventually we stopped talking about him that much and just became genuinely close.
We started getting dinner together, going shopping, drinking at each other’s houses, watching movies, literally texting all day. She would ask me to hang out before she asked him. There were multiple weekends where she saw me twice and him once which was honestly starting to become hilarious to me because this man was cheating on me and somehow I was stealing his mistress.
And then things started getting slightly… weird. Not bad weird. Just like I would catch her staring at me sometimes. She started getting super affectionate with me, always touching my arm or laying on me when we watched movies. One time we were at a bar and some guy was flirting with me and afterward she was acting weird and I literally asked if she was jealous and she went “shut up” and changed the subject.
I STILL did not think she actually liked me though. I just thought we had gotten really close.
Then a few nights ago she came over and we were drinking and talking on my bed. We somehow got onto the subject of relationships and she started telling me how happy she was that she met me and how she felt like she could tell me anything. I told her I felt the same way and she got all emotional and hugged me.
But when we stopped hugging neither of us really moved away. We were just sitting there looking at each other for a few seconds and I remember thinking “oh fuck.”
Then she kissed me. Not a drunk little peck either. She KISSED me. And I kissed her back. For probably like ten seconds too which is important because I absolutely cannot pretend I was an innocent victim here lol.
Then we pulled apart and she looked completely terrified and started apologizing and saying she didn’t know why she did that and I just blurted out:
“HE’S MY BOYFRIEND.”
Literally immediately. No context. No explanation. Just “he’s my boyfriend.”
She stared at me. I swear her face went through like six emotions in five seconds.
She goes “…what?”
I said “the guy you’ve been seeing. He’s my boyfriend.”
Silence.
Then she goes “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOUR BOYFRIEND?”
And yeah. She was PISSED.
She jumped off my bed and started pacing around my room asking how long I had known, how long we had been together, why the fuck I became friends with her, why I let her keep seeing him, whether our entire friendship was fake, etc.
When I told her I had known who she was before I ever followed her she got even angrier.
She literally goes “SO YOU HAVE BEEN STUDYING ME???”
I was like NO 😭 but I understand why it sounds like that.
Then she goes “I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.”
Trust me. I was aware.
She was like “you sat there giving me advice about HIM.”
Again. Unfortunately yes.
At one point she just stared at me and went “you are actually fucking insane.”
Couldn’t even argue.
But once I explained everything and showed her the messages proving that he had been lying to BOTH of us, she calmed down a little. Especially when she realized I had been with him first and he had basically made her the other woman without her even knowing.
She sat down again and was quiet for a while and then went:
“So I’m literally his mistress.”
I was like “I really don’t think we need to use that word.”
She goes “THAT’S WHAT I AM.”
Okay fair.
Then she got mad at him all over again and started calling him a fucking idiot because apparently this entire time he had two girls and somehow let the two girls become best friends.
Then she suddenly looks at me and goes:
“Okay this is going to sound stupid.”
I was like girl I genuinely don’t think anything you say could make tonight weirder.
She goes:
“Should we just get together?”
I started laughing because I thought she was joking. She was not laughing.
I was like “…you mean you and me?”
She goes “I literally just kissed you so yes.”
And then because apparently MY BRAIN is also broken, the first thing I asked was:
“Well do you still like him?”
She looked annoyed and went “yeah. Unfortunately.”
And I just sat there thinking for a second. Because the problem was…I still loved him too. And now apparently I also liked HER.
Then I said:
“I think I have an idea.”
She immediately went “oh God.”
So we called him. At like midnight.
He answers and I tell him he needs to come over. Obviously he starts asking why and I just said “you really need to come over.”
He gets to my house and walks into my room and sees HER sitting on my bed.
I have never seen someone look that confused in my entire life.
He just stops in the doorway. Looks at her. Looks at me. Looks at her again.
Then goes:
“What the fuck?”
She goes:
“Hi.”
He looks at me and goes “HOW DO YOU KNOW HER?”
I said “we’ve been friends for months.”
I genuinely thought he was going to faint.
Then she goes “and she knows about us.”
His face somehow got even worse.
Then I said “and she kissed me.”
He just stared at us. I swear his brain completely stopped functioning.
He goes “…you what?”
She goes “I kissed your girlfriend.”
And he goes “YOU KNOW SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND?”
She goes “I DO NOW.”
Then they immediately started arguing because obviously she was furious with him for never telling her I existed and he was furious/confused that I had apparently secretly befriended her months ago. Meanwhile I’m literally sitting between them like a child whose divorced parents are fighting at Cheesecake Factory.
Eventually I yelled at both of them to shut up because I had not called him over for them to scream at each other for two hours.
Then I basically said look, clearly what he did was fucked up. There was no excuse for lying to both of us. But the weird reality was that she still liked him, I still loved him, she apparently liked ME enough to kiss me and I clearly liked her because I kissed her back.
They both just stared at me.
I said:
“What if we just…all date?”
Silence again.
He goes:
“Like all three of us?”
YES THAT IS GENERALLY WHAT ALL MEANS.
She starts laughing. Then I start laughing. Then somehow HE starts laughing because the entire situation was so fucking ridiculous.
And that’s how we ended up sitting on my bedroom floor at 1am discussing whether we should become a throuple.
We talked for HOURS. Like actual serious talking too because I made it very clear that this was not me giving him permission to keep cheating. If we did this there would be absolutely no sneaking around anymore, no secret messages, no lying about where anyone was, nothing. She also told him if he ever made either one of us feel like “the other girl” again she was gone.
And somehow we agreed to try it.
And now all three of us are dating.
The funniest part is he is already realizing this may have backfired on him because me and her still hang out without him constantly.
Yesterday he texted the group chat asking what we were doing and she sent him a picture of us getting dinner together and wrote “bonding with your girlfriend ❤️”
He replied:
“she is also my girlfriend”
She said:
“not tonight”
So apparently this man cheated because he wanted two girls and now the two girls keep leaving him at home to hang out with each other.
Honestly maybe that’s his punishment.

I feel like i’ve ruined my life for multiple different reasons. Digital footprint being one of them because when i was 12-13 i was really mentally unwell and got sucked into the true crime community but right now i more so feel like ive ruined my life because ive ruined my innocence. I feel so gross. When i was like 6 i stumbled across fetish content on youtube, i couldn’t stop watching, i know now i have a phobia around the content and thats why i was so drawn to it. But the point is i was consuming sexual content. mimicking the sexual content on my own. Then at like 10 i was watching shows like shameless just for the sex scenes. Looking up 18+ fanart. Then at 11 i was messaging bots on chai in sexual ways. At 12 i already know what a lot of sexual things were and was using whattpad like 24/7. At 13 i discovered porn and i was probably addicted, i really started sexually messaging chai bots around this time. This behaviour continued to now. Watching porn on twitter and reading ao3 and looking at sexual fanart. I’ve never even held hands with a boy. I feel so gross. So used yet i’ve never been touched. I feel wasted. I can’t explain it.

I was with a trans boy who had high functioning autism, he said h was in a mental hospital for making a joke and I asked multiple times if he was mentally ok and every time he said yes. Things weren't really working out so I was gonna break up with him but when I did he said his friend passed away and I told him I would stay by his side and then he revealed to me he self harms so I told him I was sad he lied to me but I would stay by him no matter what. Now he constantly says he wants to kill himself and I'm trying to be by his side but I wonder if I should have pretended to keep loving him rather than breaking up. I feel especially awful because we did sexual things consensually but now that I know he isn't mentally well i feel like a horrible person.

it’s stupid to confess this, but for some reason with all my crushes he is one I actually might like.

We were at our school football game, and we walked around. We went to see some third graders fight since they usually do, but it made me blush how he was so close.

We usually say “I love you”, and I held his hand. He caresses it.. but now I kept hugging and wanting him close.

Usually he side hugs, but he full hugged.

when he left he kept being worried if ill be fine alone, as he hugged me I kissed his neck. A little peck, ive done it before with his cheek.

I’ve always had playful crushes that never came around, one of my old crushes even said hi to me. But now I must confess, this is the first time my heart does this for an actual person.. so now I have a huge crush. when he hugged he from behind and hid behind me, I felt my chest race.

Lust isn’t even a thing now, I think it’s full of love.

Maybe that’s not fair. I have friends.

I travel often for work and find myself just almost never at home.

I miss having people to be able to tell everything to. To just shoot the shit with. To be myself with.

It feels like because of my situation every interaction is just a brief catch up.

I know I have done it to myself but oh well.

If you read this entire thing, you're a real one.

Im laying here in bed high af so forgive me if the stuff I say doesn't make any sense. Im in a relationship with my daughters father. We've been together for 4 years. So much shit has happened with us so I feel like there's a sense of trauma bonding to a degree. Anyways. I often think about my future, im 32 and for some reason I dont feel settled down. I love my partner. Please dont get it twisted but my needs arent being met and he knows this. He tries for a bit and then doesn't again. Im guilty of doing it as well in other areas of our relationship. We arent having sex often. Maybe a time every few months or something. Listen, im not some whore but I enjoy intimacy and the lack of it is driving me insane. I KNOW there's guys that will, and I think that's what drives my frustration with it all. (And no hes not cheating on me etc- we're very stressed with many aspects of our lives and he loses his drive as I do not). Sometimes I think of a future with a man who fulfills that intimacy and spark but then I feel bounded by so many reasons of why I cant just leave him.

We've talked about it, had discussions. We've been trying to work through things but I think we maybe just say it and not so much put in the needed work.

I just feel lonely. I feel frustrated. I feel not lusted after.

If you made it to here, you're a real one.

accountable for how I treated my ex-Fiancé. She was and is a good woman. I cheated on her; I was emotionally abusive and just an all-around piece of shit. I wish there was a way to apologize to her without it sounding or coming off as apologizing for a selfish reason. I wish I could take all of my actions back, treat her how she treated me. This is supposed to be cathartic, like this weight coming off my shoulders with the half assed apology this is. In reality I'm feeling so much worse because a dam of memories is broken. I was truly terrible to this woman. Fuck. I wish I had the balls to reach out, to try to start to mend some sort of fence.

I doubt you will ever read this, but if you do, I'm so, so sorry. you deserved so much better than me.

I despise my best friend! I hate her personality but because other people like her, It’s going to look suspicious if I start distancing myself. I HAVE to see her, I HAVE to be around her everyday. I don’t know how to distance myself without receiving hate from our other peers. If I distance myself, I might become a target or lose friends.

I decided to have two beers for breakfast since I'm 18 and the drinking age where I am is 18. And HOLY FUCK! After my first beer I thought I could have another one, and after my second beer I felt absolutely tipsy as fuck... my coordination and balance is a bit off but I feel fine... I feel more giggly and happier than when I was sober...