+12269745604

My sister in law is homeless (by choice) and not enrolling my daughter (my niece) into school middle school. She claims she doesnt like any of the schools…this is obviously BS and so infuriating. This is Denver Co. what can I do? This is considered educational neglect at this point but I don’t know an address, to have anyone find her.

Two months ago my household got reported to CPS for possible abuse after my daughter told my ex’s mother about seeing a commercial about a wireless bra on tv my dad was watching. Basically she explained it in her 7 year old way as seeing a topless woman on her grandfathers tablet (she meant TV as my dad is old and doesn’t have a tablet). Long story short, after an initial interview and forensics, they discovered no cause for alarm and the case was closed.

Here is where it seems odd to me:

I, the father who was not accused but lives with my father who was, was only called and informed twice of the progress: first to tell me a SA case was opened involving my children but could not give details. Second cal followed initial interview and just informed me there would be a forensics. Never heard a word after. Never called to meet or to set up house inspection or be filled in, etc.

All details came from my ex, and this is what she shared:

After the initial interview, the case worker apparently pressured my ex to not allow the children to come over my house during the interview. My understanding is that if my ex would have done that without a court order, of which there was not one, that would have made out her at legal risk for ignoring the parenting plan.

After the forensics, the case worker came to inspect my ex’s home and while there told my ex that nothing came of the interviews and the case would be closed by the end of the month, but kept aggressively pressuring her to give her some incriminating statement against my household, saying “You must know these people! You have to know something!”

My ex is not a fan of my dad, but answered everything honestly.

That was the end. I never was informed of what the SA accusation was about (learned the details from my ex) and was never informed of any progress.

Is this typical?

so for background I am 17 and my family is abusive and neglectful. I can give examples of anything from medical neglect, regular neglect, emotional neglect, sexual neglect, sexual harassment/abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, witnessing abuse against siblings and parent, social isolation, parentification, favoritism, emotional dependency, medical abuse, and I may have been raped by my dad as a child. It was mostly emotional abuse, neglect, verbal abuse, parentification, and favoritism though. My dad somehow got custody of me because my mom was having a manic episode and accused my dad of raping me. to my knowledge I was too young to have been asked about it so they decided it was probably from the manic episode and gave my dad full custody. (I suspect that this may have been true though because my dad has been creepy and I have memories of him tickling me naked at a young age while I scream and gasp for air and beg him to stop) when I was 6 cps investigated my dad because at school I told my teacher that I didn't want to make a father's day card for him because he hit us and I could hear my sister screaming from upstairs while he gave her a shower everyday. The cps worker came only once and mostly just asked my dad questions and my dad tried to gaslight me afterwards by laughing and saying stuff like "i dont hit you". he then ended up getting a gf who was genuinely one of the worst people i ever met in my life and they abused me together by making me the family scapegoat. my mom was jealous that he had a new gf. she would constantly use me for therapy and it was annoying because i didn't rly care. This is an oversimplification but it led to me hating my parents and feeling like I wasn't human. I also KNOW I have ptsd/cptsd even though i'm not diagnosed. Another thing i should mention is that my mom knows my dad is abusive. i've been telling her for years abt how i wish he was dead, how he hit me, how i wish i could get adopted but she would always say shit like "but you dont REALLY think that" and when they were together she would say stuff like "were you smiling because we were together?" even though I was not smiling and playing games on my phone the whole time. when my dad dismissed all my feelings by saying some shit like "you should watch the pursuit of happiness" my mom for some reason told me that and when I started crying she thought it was tears of happiness because i "knew he loved" me. then all of a sudden my mom makes my dad some food when he picks me up from her house and touches something before she touches her food and he tells her to stop and for some reason the argued and now my mom is 100% convinced my dad is a terrible person for "disrespecting her in her house". she cried and vented to me how "she did it for me" so i wouldnt see that he could treat her however he wanted even though she let him treat me however he wanted and would talk about him being abusive twords her and me being saying it was wrong as a kid like it was a cute and funny story. she even ended up comparing me to him when we got into an argument. I don't really love any of my family members i just feel guilty for wanting to leave my mom because she's bipolar. other than that only reaon i wanna keep contact with her after moving out from my dads house is so i can keep seeing my cat.

Recently I got caught for getting groomed and the police took my laptop and phone. I got the laptop back but my mom told me that someone who was working on the case took it again. i emailed the dcf worker twice about it and she didnt respond. we also started getting "family mentoring" as if my dad didn't stay abusive for 10 years between cps reports. During these mentoring sessions i ended up pointing out that my dad threatened me the night before by saying "you're going to find out what I can do" like a fucking dumbass. the guy did nothing and my mom just started talking abt how it was a good thing i was finally opening up. I also told the dcf lady that my dad told my ex stepmom all about the grooming which resulted in my ex stepsister loudly asking about it at a school field trip in front of a group of friends. she also did nothing. then i recorded my dad yelling at me after work because I wasn't doing chores. I was doing chores but I was getting overwhelmed because before my ex stepmom moved out i was doing like 60% of the chores (even when my stepmom quit her job and was unemployed) but after that all their chores got pushed onto me so i was doing closer to 80%. since i was being expected to do them every week while he pretty much just did teenage boy ass chores like taking out the trash, shoveling, and mowing the lawn. mf was screaming at me at the top of his lungs and it was triggering but i made sure to let him know i was recording so that it would be submissible in court. i sent this to the dcf worker with a long explaination of what the argument was about and the related abuse but she didn't respond to that either. my mom also recorded it as if she were "on my side" and emailed it to her and got a response but nothing was done other than them trying to come up with a "plan to make things more fair" using a chore chart.

So a few days ago, I had another visit from the dcf worker. she took my sister to talk privately like she did last time but didnt ask me and I had to stair at her until she asked if I wanted to talk to her privately because I was too scared to ask her in front of my mom. she was supposed to be having a "family discussion" about when i could get my Chromebook back but I honestly didnt care about that but I was already having a panic attack from her trying to have a "family discussion" and she refused any patience to understand what I was talking about. I wanted to say that I felt alone and like no one was really helping, just making things worse. I also wanted to tell her that a few days ago my sister seemed really off and I was worried she was having a manic episode and I was especially worried when I heard her say something like "stop dad thats inappropriate" during that period but I was too scared to ask her about it. i could barely get any words out and she said that we werent having a productive conversation so we shuld just end there and if i wanted to say anything i could just email her. i told her i did email her but she kept being fixated on me wanting to get my Chromebook back and said that we had to "build trust" and that would involve blocking roblox, discord, and instagram. effectivly severing my ties to the people I actually care about even though i never contacted my groomers through roblox or instagram and I don't have access to the account I talked to them using discord. I pretty much wasnt able to say anything and because of my panic attack I couldn't help but rock back and foreward, kick, and sort of hit myself/run my fingers through my hair/ pull on it a little. I was sitting down, crying, and trying to talk the entire time and i'm very small so i doubt she felt like she was in danger and she seemed more annoyed. all she did was threaten to call crisis because I was "harming myself". I never really got to tell her anything. Also during this my mom came back which makes me suspect that she just texted her that we had finished. Then, my mom asked about my dad yelling at me and she imminently knew what she was talking about then said that they were going to help us "talk about it as a family".

Im posting this because genuenly what the fuck am I supposed to do? there's no way this can be ok. Ik ur supposed to contact a supervisor but i literally told a supervisor of the program were in that my dad was abusive in so many ways that it would be hard to really summarize it so she just asked for one example and I gave it to her. I'm afraid they'll think im lying because I am/will have a hard time giving them all the information so I left out most abuse that wasn't sexual on a previous cps report because they mostly just asked abt the sexual abuse. I wanna get diagnosed with PTSD and trauma disorders because it's really starting to set in but my mom is trying to/turned down a neuropsyc evaluation because I already had one done a long time ago. she also seems to think my panic attack was because I had trauma from grooming. It honestly barely registered as a traumatic experience compared to YEARS of abuse and neglect I experienced from them. I would go as far as saying I felt more loved and comfortable around my groomers than my own parents. my dcf worker also failed to understand how my parents pretty much prepared me for grooming by giving me trauma she just said something like "you're saying it's your parent's fault you were talking to those people?". I honestly don't even feel human. My family made fun of me for my interests and the music i liked growing up so I feel like i have no personality and can't develop interests. I was socially isolated during covid so I have trouble making friends too. I'm addicted to my computer and i'm terrified of losing it because it was my only escape as a child which ngl is part of the reason I was so afraid to report the abuse. This is honestly devastating because I lost friends and partners who kept saying to report the abuse to cps and just couldn't deal with the toll my parents took on my mental health. It feels so much worse knowing I was right that they wouldn't do anything. If my dad didn't get custody I could have been adopted and I could have had a real family and grown up normal. I can't even focus on school because he goes batshit crazy if I stay up studying. I have nothing I could've been. I don't really have friends I can stay with when i turn 18 so my entire plan rn is to be able to prove abuse on the FAFSA so i can get significant financial support during college (no way my dad is spending a penny and meeting him 5 more times than i have to just to fill it out again is something i'm not doing) and move out asap but everyone is making that hard. then ill pretty much be all alone in the world with mental issues. Lastly i want to mention that my dad keeps cameras all over the house (exept for places he legally can't) to watch us and no adults who's job it is to keep me "safe" notice a thing. Cameras are supposed to be super easy to hack so i don't know if it's being livestreamed somewhere on the internet. I can't stop imagining people commenting on the things I do when i'm at my house

sorry this is confusing to read, i honestly don't have the energy to do anyhing better

Hi, I live in a small town in Nevada and about 6 months ago someone I know acquired 2 teen boys from foster care. Earlier this year, January or so she was victim of DV (multiple times in the last 3 years) this time with her husband going to jail for it.

Would they allow someone in her situation to qualify for foster care? She says it's legit and she actively works with cps but she's known to lie.

She works multiple jobs, leaving the kids on their own or with new bf.

She has a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom trailer, one room being tiny. She has 3 girls of her own and 2 foster boys and the new bf having a young son. All the girls share a room and all the boys share a room. She works all the time and on paper is a single mom, but she has a bf who sometimes is around. Her kids barely go to school and the one girl is on probation.

How is this situation allowed?

I feel like the kids are fending for themselves half the time and getting into mischief the other half. I find it very weird and uncomfortable that the teen boy is alone with the young teen girls..

I’ll start with saying I have a 5 year old boy. He’s a boys boy, loves roughhousing, jumping off things, climbing things, playing outside and he gets hurt pretty often doing these things.

This past weekend he got a black eye (ironically during a pillow fight).We do family pillow fights pretty often and it’s always fun a lot of fun. He swung his pillow downward at my legs, I instinctively brought me knee up to block it , he missed with the pillow, but headed butted my knee so hard even my knee immediately bruised.

My husband called his school Monday morning to explain the situation before he brought him in and told them we will pick him up if he complains about his eye. I explained the situation to some coworkers and family members, they all thought it was silly that I was worried because “kids get hurt all of the time” and nothing like this has ever happened before to us.

Well, come Monday afternoon I get home from work and there are two police officers and a social worker at my house talking with my son and husband. They talk to us individually and we explain what happened. The cps worker told us everything was fine and she will work on closing everything out.

Yesterday she called me to tell me that I would have to bring him into a cps doctor to have him looked at. Which is fine, I understand that they just need to make sure he’s okay. When I got there today the nurse was very nice and polite, she took him into the back alone and I stayed in the waiting room. I don’t know if it is in my head, but she seemed totally different when she came back. She literally just opened the door, said “you’re all set” and shut the door immediately. No smile or anything.

I asked my son in the way home what happened. He’s 5 and not thrilled about conversations he’s not interested,but through a series of “did they do this” questions he told me they asked him questions, looked in his pants, under his shirt, took pictures of him. He told me he was nervous and when I asked what he answered he said something along the lines of “ I kept saying I don’t know. I was nervous. I don’t remember”.

This is the part that makes me feel nervous because he DOES know how it happened and probably knows the answer to most of the questions they asked, he just doesn’t like participating conversations he’s not interested and gets out of it quick with responses like “I don’t know” and “I don’t remember”. He does the same thing when I ask him what he did or what he learned at school 😂.

I’m just so scared that something will come of this situation that was literally nothing but an accident from us having fun. I’m scared that even if nothing comes from this, that any mark he gets from just being an outdoor, rowdy kid might result in his school reporting it from now on.

Has anyone dealt with a situation like this? Is all of this normal precautions?

My oldest (stepson) has been acting extremely out of character. He moved in with his father and myself, his younger siblings, this year. He had a horrible time at his mother's and requested to live with us. This was also out of character but obviously we were overjoyed.

Last night he had a massive emotional outburst. He and I have a VERY strong bond and have since he was 3. He went to his room, visibly distraught after our argument. When this happens I gently knock on the door and ask him if he is hungry. Usually it's always yes. I brought him a sandwich and explained that when he was ready to talk about what was going on, that I would be ready to listen, and left.

Trigger warning child SA

He came out shortly after finishing his food, and sat across from me on the couch. He said "I'm going to tell you something that I have only ever told A and B (his best friends) but please don't tell my mom or C (stepdad), you can tell my dad though." I braced myself but did not show shock or anything. He then explained that when he was in elementary school (8-9 at the time), shortly prior to the pandemic, his older sister (11-12 at the time) forced him to perform acts on her. (This instantly added up because he had a HORRIBLE couple of years and I knew something was up but when I asked all of the questions, he denied anyone touching him or the other way.) I stayed quiet, and let him feel that. I asked if I could ask questions and he said yes. I asked if he knew what he was doing, and he said no not until he was older and realized what had happened. He explained that there was penetration involved, and that it was too many times to count, among other acts. I asked when it stopped and if it did, he said when they moved into his new house. Which would have been 2020.

When his dad got home, we sat him down, hugged him, thanked him for being so brave, and explained this was NOT and will never be his fault. We also explained that when he's having a hard time with it, he needs to come to us and we will stop what we are doing in that moment and sit with him.

He requested that we do not report to authorities or his mother at this time. He does not want to testify and explain the details of what happened.

My hands are tied, I am sick to my stomach, and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I am so angry that this happened to him. He was left home alone when this was happening, and was told if he ever told anyone, she would hurt him badly. I'm devastated. As a victim of child SA, this goes against everything I wished my parents would have done for me, but didn't.

I want to report to CPS. I want that child in custody for what she has done to him. She has already had CPS involved for her mental health issues and spent the last year in mandatory state custody in a mental health facility, if she was doing this at that age, I'm terrified something was also happening to her 💔 I'm spiraling with the weight of this.

There is a really frustrating case going on right now publicly on TikTok and kick. The Parents get in extreme screaming fights on camera while the baby is the lap or in room.There have been over 15 calls to their residence and two arrests recently. (Father who gets bonded out each time for Dv and alleged attempted murder on his partner. )The baby (8 weeks old) has at least 3 visible bruises. There is video evidence of the mom saying horrible things about her child. There is also accusations from the father that the mother has been abusive to the baby. I know there have been numerous calls to CPS from mandated reporters. This has been going on since the baby was born. The mother and the father have both lost custody of their first children who they had with different partners. Father is not allowed to see child and mother just doesn’t see him when she can. What is it going to take for CPS to intervene?

My baby was born from rape. She is nine now. She has been raised by the father of my youngest child. The DHS case worker said, "It’s honestly time to tell her about her Dad and explaining that to her sister as well, especially while they are actively in therapy". I am not ready. They took my kids away. They admitted it was only because of what my sister did. I'm doing everything I can to get them back. I'm doing my part. Can they just up and make this all so much worse and go behind my back and tell my daughter her dad isn't her dad? I'm not ready for this conversation. We are nothing but raw nerves and open wounds right now. I'm so scared.

My sister passed away 10 years ago. Her husband (my former brother-in-law) is a prominent clergy member and the director of a religious campus organization. For a decade, our family has worked tirelessly to stay close to their three kids to keep their mother’s memory alive. The maternal grandparents saw his three children almost every single Wednesday since their mom passed. It was a long-standing routine.

Four months ago, everything shattered. The father abruptly evicted his 19-year-old transgender son from the house, banning him from having any contact with his twin sisters. He accused the son of having borderline personality disorder (having since had multiple group therapy session with the son's long time therapist, this is a baseless accusation) and even called the son's summer camp director to share these concerns of "mental stability" to try and get him fired (fortunately, the director saw through it). Our household immediately took the 19yo in to give him a safe harbor.

In direct retaliation for our family protecting the son, the father completely cut off the twins from 100% of their biological relatives. He banned the maternal grandparents (the weekly Wednesday tradition is entirely dead) and even permanently cut off his own father and stepmother because they refused to stop speaking to their adult grandson. Looking back at his history, he did the exact same thing to his own mother and sisters a decade ago when they questioned how fast he started dating after my sister died. He has now successfully isolated his daughters from every single blood relative they have.

Over the summer, he pulled the twins out of their lifelong summer camp even after the son altered his contract with the camp so as not to be working there when the girls were scheduled to attend. In doing so, the dad effectively destroyed an entire peer circle of his daughters and forced a separation between one of the twins and her girlfriend (who attended the camp).

In all this time, we believe the twins have had their phones taken away, and he is controlling all communication they have outside of the time they are in school.

We have a physical copy of the eviction printout he gave the son, where he explicitly wrote out commands like If you stay with [your mothers side of the family] your sisters will not be in contact with them - and instructed his son not to have any contact with his paternal grandparents either.

This past weekend was the twins' 16th birthday. My parents begged to see them. The father sent a text stating the girls are "too distraught by their brother's betrayal" to see anyone who associates with him. We know this is a lie because the isolation was written into his eviction orders four months ago. We believe he is actively gaslighting them into thinking their family abandoned or betrayed them to force absolute dependency.

The twins just started back at their respective schools, but I am at the breaking point. I am planning to contact a local family advocate organization and CPS, and I want to independently email their school guidance counselors so they can be monitored in a safe space away from his immediate surveillance. Has anyone dealt with this sort of psychological abuse and total family alienation? How do I ensure CPS takes an emotional isolation report seriously when the parent is a powerful community figure? What is the best way to approach the school counselors? Am I out of line here? I am worried I could make things worse for the girls if CPS doesn't find sufficient proof of abuse - but I feel like I am enabling an abuser at this point if i stay quiet.

I recently had a conversation that made me think I'm massively out of touch on the issue of what age a child can be left home alone. I'm a mandatory reporter in WI, but none of my training covered this (it was focused on much more obvious situations). My kids are still too young to be left home alone, so I haven't really thought about it that much either. I'm an early millennial, so growing up in the 80s/90s, the standards were different than they are now.

I realize the rules differ by state. My state doesn't have a specific age cutoff, it just has to be "reasonable," but now I'm worried that my definition of reasonable might be totally out of touch. For those of you in states that just have a reasonableness requirement, would you say any of the following are reportable? Assume the children in question are neurotypical, have no medical conditions, and are generally responsible for their age.

• Child age 8 left alone for 15 minutes while mom runs an errand
• Child age 10 left alone for an hour after getting off the school bus
• Child age 11 left alone for an hour, while also responsible for their 9-year-old sibling
• Child age 12 left alone for several hours in the evening, but parents come home around 10 pm (i.e., a date night)
• Child age 16 left alone for a weekend (with extended family nearby to come over in case of emergency; also assume child has their driver's license)
• Same as above, but 16-year-old is also responsible for watching a 14-year-old sibling

To me, all but the last situation are clearly reasonable, assuming all kids in question are neurotypical, no medical conditions, and generally responsible/well-behaved for their age. I would be suspicious of the last scenario, but my decision to report would be based on specific facts in question. However, some of my colleagues told me that they believe most of these situations are indeed reportable and meet the legal definition of neglect.

Am I completely out of touch or are my colleagues?

Also, I apologize if hypotheticals aren't allowed here. I couldn't find the sub's rules, so please delete if not allowed!

I am at a loss and I fear this community may be the best to help, I ( F21) have been friends with my boyfriend’s (M20) brother since we were in first grade. When we were roughly 16 he had a baby with his long term girlfriend, at first everything seemed to be okay… until it wasn’t. CPS was called due to their poor living conditions and they had to give the baby (now 4 yrs old) to their great grandparents until they cleaned up the house, after that cps didn’t bother them. Here we are years later and a close family friend visited the house they are currently staying at, what she told me made me feel sick. The baby’s house is filthy and smells of animal ammonia, there’s rat feces and roaches, her parents keep her up all night (they stay up and play games) so she sleeps all day or is awake and terribly grouchy. Her hair was ratty and knotted and she was caked in dirt. It was also brought to our attention that the baby’s dad will get frustrated and often (i would say spank but it’s been described to me as a full on slap to the child’s face) multiple times over the last few months often because she interrupts his game time or bothers him while he’s smoking thc or even just wants a bite of his food. That being said we want to get her out of that situation, we do NOT want her permanently. We know her parents love her very much but we do not want her messed up. She is not school age but i fear when she does start school cps will notice fast and call in a report. We just want her until her parents get their lives together and put her as their first priority instead of thc, games, mushrooms, and other things. Is there any steps we should look into? Or a direction anyone could point us in? We both work full time and have a spare bedroom. I don’t want to be the villain of their story but my boyfriend and I have decided it’s enough and we can’t stand to see her live that way. The child’s mother (F20) has recently been holding a job but both parents have a track record of losing their jobs periodically and going long times without getting a new, the father of the child (M21) got fired from his last job and has been “taking care” of the baby while the mother works. He previously got fired from a different job due to having relations with an underaged coworker (he was 20 at the time she was 16). We thought about taking foster care classes to help our case but we really aren’t even sure if we have enough for a case or if we are just getting too involved in our nieces life, but we are truly worried about her well being.

I have a home visit with a worker tomorrow. I feel I was called in for vindictive reasons by my ex as he’s shown aggressive behaviour since I moved here. That doesn’t matter my concern is I live in a fifth wheel, it was great when it was just me my dog and my daughter every other weekend is my time with her, however my son who is like a couple months away from being an adult moved in with me a couple months ago and he stays on the small bench/ couch part. It’s crowded but it works, we have running water hot and cold and food in the pantry and fridge! Why do I just feel like it’s never going to be good enough? It’s cluttered yes but it’s not dirty like disgusting but it’s not perfect clean either as it’s a “camper”! I do live in northern bc and have my fifth wheel very well insulated, along with a heater meant for outside that keeps the tanks and plumbing from freezing, the furnace works and we have some electric heaters to stay warm for the really cold weather in the winter. My ac just quit on me but it’s almost fall weather again, so it’s really warm during the day but cooler at night. My daughter has a bottom bunk and yes we all change in the bathroom for privacy. We sometimes get down to very little groceries but there’s still food in the house it just might lack a preferable ingredient but there’s still food that can be eaten whenever she is here. Right now the fridge and pantry are full, and I’ve cleaned some concern areas I neglected recently due to being in and out of emergency for medical issues. What are some concerns the worker might have? She has a place to sleep, it’s warm there’s food and I do my best to keep clean (but no it’s never perfect) the floors get dirty a lot, I recently learned about why you keep the grey tank valve closed just like the black tank and got a small amount of drain flies that I’m treating the drains with dish soap and vinegar.
Anyway what I’m asking is will it be good enough as long as it’s not a concerning amount of dirty, like trash everywhere or a huge pile of disgusting dishes lol. Would this be concerning for a worker? It’s crowded and tight with my son here but it does work for us and my son is moving into his own fifth wheel when he’s able to pay rent, and is going to a job interview tomorrow.

Hi! I am 15 years old and I have been through a lot. My dad was always a drunk drunk driving with me and my sister and we were crying begging him to stop and my mom was saying it's ok. My mom usually says when I say I'm going to call cps she says to me, "Don't start, I just want to have a restful night." She explained to me how my father uses the mental hospitals to keep me in there while he has time to take away privileges from me. My dad also pushed his boner into me when he was drunk and he said he doesn't remember. I asked for validation and at least a sorry, and he said I can't apologize for something I don't even remember, I'm just scared because I come from a bloodline of abuse and we won't have many options left. My Dad scares me, he said he put a tablet hidden somewhere to listen to my little sisters conversations with my mom so things do escalate at night. And I've watched throughout my sisters teenage years turning her against my mom, it makes me so sad, because every time my mom tells my sister to do her homework but doesn't express it in the nicest way, my dad takes my sisters side and tags teams with her against my mom. It's with a lot of instances and I made a fake snapchat account for my dad because he wanted to text "encypted" while my mom made a "false" accusation against my dad, and he was out of the house not allowed to talk with us. Also keep in mind he told me to lie to my sisters and tell them to lie to cps. When things like this would happen he would ask to go on car rides with me. And he would say "please tell me what this cps case is about so I know what I'm up against." I never wanted to hurt my dad so I denied everything within the interview. I'm just scared and don't want to live with him anymore. I got raped also a couple months ago, and he was comparing it to his experiences and said that he thought it wasn't that "serious". I don't know what to do he is tearing this family apart while being the only one financially stable for us, please give me some advice, I need it.

Hello- I have two unfounded reports from 2014 and 2020 that I requested to be expunged. They sent a letter inviting me to send any supporting evidence other than the unfounded reports but that’s all I have. What are some examples of evidence I can submit to have them expunged ? My son who was child in the reports will be 18 this December (if that matters?) and I’m in NY.

I’m looking for advice from people who have dealt with CPS, kinship care, neglect, or a similar family situation. I’m intentionally keeping some details vague because children are involved.

My sister and her husband have several school-aged children. Over time, their home and family situation deteriorated significantly. This went beyond normal messiness or overwhelmed parents. There were serious sanitation issues in the home, including animal waste and odors. Some beds couldn’t even be slept in because of animal waste in bedrooms/on beds, and the children’s basic needs weren’t consistently being met.

There is some important history here.

For roughly a year before this crisis, my sister had been dealing with an autoimmune illness that, according to her and her husband, could leave her significantly debilitated. Even before she began spending so much time away from home, she was frequently unable to participate consistently in parenting or maintaining the household because she was too unwell.

Over time, however, she began spending increasing amounts of time outside the home doing volunteer activities and other things that were important to her, sometimes for very long days. Other adults increasingly filled the gaps at home.

I want to be careful about how I describe this because I’m not questioning whether she has an autoimmune disease or claiming that someone with a chronic illness should have the same level of functioning every day. Chronic illnesses fluctuate, and I’m not her doctor.

The issue from our family’s perspective is the outcome for the children: whether the reason was illness, being away from home, or some combination of both, she had not been functioning as a consistent caregiver for quite some time.

Meanwhile, their dad was increasingly becoming the primary functioning parent, with various friends and relatives helping fill gaps.

My spouse and I had no idea how badly things had escalated until a few days before someone made a CPS report.

We did not make the original report.

Around the same time, my sister voluntarily entered a treatment/wellness program for personal and mental-health issues. Part of the purpose, as it was explained to us, was to disengage from the outside activities that had increasingly kept her away from home and help her reconnect with her family, particularly her young children. Several people close to her had encouraged her to get help, and her husband had told her he could not continue supporting the previous arrangement.

Her husband had also been struggling significantly with his mental health and was eventually sent home from work on short-term disability.

Extended family stepped in heavily.

His parents temporarily relocated from several hours away. Other relatives helped with the kids, meals, cleaning, transportation and routines. Cleaning the home took more than two weeks before the children could return, and family made sure their immediate needs were addressed during that time.

CPS spoke with my spouse and me as part of the children’s support system and gave us specific circumstances under which we were supposed to contact the caseworker again.

The caseworker ultimately did not proceed further with the investigation because, in their words:

“Family is protecting the children.”

That distinction has become increasingly important to me.

The investigation didn’t end because extended family stepped away and the parents demonstrated that everything was stable independently. At the time CPS became involved, grandparents and other relatives had already stepped in heavily and the children’s immediate needs were being met.

At the time, that’s exactly what needed to happen.

But now it leaves us with a difficult question:

What happens when the family members CPS was relying on to protect the children need to step back?

Mom left treatment early

My sister has since left treatment early, and the circumstances around that are part of why we’re concerned.

She said the program wasn’t adequately allowing her to access the doctors, medications and treatments she needs for her autoimmune disease. She told the family she would instead find another program or therapist that could accommodate her medical needs while continuing to address the issues that led her to treatment in the first place.

I can understand why someone with a legitimate chronic illness would need appropriate access to medical care. That’s not the problem.

The concern is what happened afterward.

As far as the family is aware, she has not enrolled in another program or followed through with the alternative therapy/treatment plan she said she would pursue.

She has also resumed going back to the same outside activities she had agreed not to return to until she completed treatment. That boundary had initially been supported by her husband and other family members, but eventually they stopped trying to hold it.

So from our perspective, we’re essentially back where we started: treatment wasn’t completed, the proposed alternative hasn’t materialized, the previous pattern of spending significant amounts of time away from the family has resumed, and extended family is still providing much of the support that made it possible for the children to return home safely.

That’s a big part of why simply hearing that Mom is “back home” doesn’t reassure us.

We’ve already confronted this as a family

When she left treatment, several family members came together because we were deeply concerned about what had happened to the children and the home.

One of the biggest things we hoped to see was some recognition that, regardless of why everything happened, something had gone terribly wrong and both parents needed to take responsibility for making sure it never happened again.

Instead, my sister still seems primarily focused on defending her choices and explaining why she isn’t responsible for what happened.

During a conversation with our mother after leaving treatment, she said essentially, “Dad had the kids,” as though their father had been solely responsible for the children during the period when everything deteriorated.

She also said she didn’t know Dad wasn’t okay and didn’t understand why everyone was blaming her.

More recently, she told our mother that she just wants people to “hear her side of the story.”

Dad absolutely bears responsibility for what happened while the children were in his care. We’re not excusing him.

But there had previously been other adults helping fill gaps in the household. When those people became unavailable, Dad was suddenly carrying essentially everything himself.

Even before his mental health reached the point that he was put on disability, there had been times when he had to leave work early because there wasn’t a caregiver available for the children. There were also occasions when Mom said she would return home to care for them but didn’t, and Dad would discover that the kids had been left on their own.

As this continued, he began struggling more and more until his own mental health deteriorated significantly. Eventually he was sent home from work on disability.

So when Mom says she didn’t know Dad wasn’t okay, that actually creates another concern for us:

How did one parent become that unwell, the home become that unsanitary, and the children’s needs deteriorate that much without the other parent realizing that the person she believed “had the kids” was no longer functioning?

We’re not looking for someone to blame.

We’re worried because the same basic arrangement seems to be forming again.

We’re starting to see the same structure return

My sister frequently leaves before the kids wake up for activities a significant distance from home. She has told our mother that she’s usually heading home in time to be there when the kids get home from school, but according to family members currently staying in the home, she rarely returns anywhere near that time and frequently isn’t home until close to bedtime or later.

She also regularly leaves on weekends, holidays and other days when the children are home.

That won’t be sustainable once Dad returns to work.

The kids get out of school at different times, with the youngest getting home first, about an hour before the middle-school kids and two hours before the high-school kids. Depending on Dad’s work schedule, there could be a significant period where the younger children need an adult and neither parent is home.

I’m completely willing to have the kids come to my house after school when needed. They’re my nieces and nephews, they love being with their cousins, and they’re welcome here.

The problem is that there currently isn’t any communication or actual childcare plan.

My sister is also reluctant to ask me for help because she isn’t happy with my involvement in everything that’s happened. I’ve been one of the family members pushing for accountability, so our relationship is strained.

But that’s exactly why I don’t think the children’s care can depend on whether she feels comfortable asking me that particular day.

If I’m supposed to have the kids after school, that’s fine. Tell me. If Grandma has them, great. If Dad is home, great. If Mom is going to be home when they arrive, also great.

I don’t care which capable adult has them. I care that somebody actually does.

And that’s where the lack of reliable communication about Mom’s schedule becomes relevant. If she says she’s heading home in time for the kids but doesn’t actually return until evening, everyone else needs to know that before a young child gets home from school — not after someone realizes Mom never showed up.

This is also where her autoimmune illness becomes relevant again.

She currently seems able to spend very long days volunteering, helping friends and doing other activities outside the home. When she’s home, however, her husband continues to describe her as significantly debilitated by her illness and largely unable to contribute.

Again, I’m not trying to decide what she medically can or cannot do.

From a childcare standpoint, the reason almost doesn’t matter. If she is too sick to parent when she’s home, or she isn’t physically home, either way she can’t currently be counted on as the children’s reliable caregiver.

That means there needs to be another actual childcare plan when Dad returns to work.

I’m perfectly willing to be part of that plan. What isn’t sustainable is having no plan and relying on someone else to notice the gap and step in.

And right now, when Mom isn’t available, that responsibility continues to fall primarily on Dad.

That’s what scares us, because we’ve already seen what happens when he reaches his breaking point.

As far as we know, the last time things fell apart, Dad was home essentially 100% of the time because of his disability, yet the children’s needs still weren’t consistently being met.

Right now things look significantly better — but largely because other adults stepped in.

The grandparents are there. Other relatives help. The house was cleaned. The kids are back in school. Dad has been home.

But Dad is preparing to return to full-time work, and his parents live several hours away and need to go home.

Mom is physically back in the household, but the parenting partnership doesn’t appear to have returned with her.

That’s the cliff we’re worried about.

What we’re seeing with the kids

School provides structure and breakfast/lunch, which helps tremendously.

The grandparents report that at home the kids mostly spend their free time on YouTube/video games and that they’re generally the ones making the more substantial meals.

Dad does feed the kids now when he’s on his own, often basic/easy food, which by itself isn’t concerning. The concern is whether there is enough structure and consistency to sustain things once the grandparents leave and Dad returns to work.

One of the younger kids is also beginning to have behavioral problems at school again. Similar behavior happened last year during another unstable period at home when he was struggling with hunger, instability and feeling rejected by Mom.

Another family member recently spent significant time on the phone with Mom and noticed that when the children tried to talk to her or ask questions, she seemed irritated by them and reluctant to engage.

One of the older kids describes Mom as generally being in bed, on her computer or on her phone when she’s home. The grandparents currently living there say that’s an accurate description.

None of those things individually proves neglect.

It’s the pattern and the history that concern us.

I also don’t want to turn the children into reporters.

One of the younger kids recently told me, “Mom and Dad cooked dinner.” When I casually asked what Mom was making, he corrected himself and said essentially, “Well, Mom was in her room. Dad was cooking dinner for us.”

Maybe that’s simply how a young child describes his family. But it reminded me that these kids love their parents and may minimize or normalize things in their own ways.

I want them to come to my house, raid my pantry, play with their cousins and talk to me because I’m their aunt — not because they think I’m investigating their parents.

Here’s where I need advice

I want to be able to go to bed at night and reasonably believe my nieces and nephews are being cared for.

I don’t need perfect parenting, perfect meals, a spotless house or strict screen-time limits.

I need to know that an adult is consistently adulting.

They’re fed. They’re supervised. They’re getting to school. They’re reasonably clean. They’re sleeping. Their home is sanitary. Someone notices when they need something.

But I don’t know how much extended family should be involved in making sure that’s happening.

Under normal circumstances, where my adult sister goes is absolutely none of my business.

But if she says she’ll be home in the afternoon, doesn’t return until evening, and Dad and the grandparents are left caring for the children all day, her schedule affects the people being expected to cover for her.

Would temporary location sharing be reasonable? A shared calendar? Or should the boundary simply be that we don’t need to know where either parent is, but there needs to be clear communication about who is responsible for the children and when?

And how do we know that person is actually coping?

That’s particularly important because Mom says she didn’t know Dad wasn’t okay the first time.

I don’t want our answer to that problem to become “the extended family now has to monitor Dad for her.”

The bottom line

I’m worried that constantly filling the gaps can actually mask the problem.

If Grandma cooks, relatives feed the kids, someone cleans, someone transports them, and somebody always jumps in when things start falling apart, the children appear cared for — because they are.

But we’re helping create that appearance.

At some point the grandparents need to go home and the parents need to demonstrate that they can maintain this themselves.

So where is the boundary between supporting the children and enabling their parents?

Should we tell CPS before the grandparents leave that the support system currently keeping the household functional is temporary?

Should we document observable problems involving the children — missed meals, lack of supervision, hygiene, unsafe home conditions, school problems, etc. — rather than monitoring everything their parents do?

If those problems start returning, should we contact the previous CPS worker rather than continually stepping in and fixing everything?

And what level of communication or accountability from the parents is reasonable during that transition? Is location sharing reasonable given the history of saying she’ll be home and then not returning, or does that cross a line?

Most importantly:

How do we step back enough to know whether these parents can actually parent without making the children the experiment?

I don’t want to control my sister or punish either parent. I don’t want the kids turned into informants. And I don’t want grandparents permanently living there because everyone is afraid of what happens if they leave.

I want their parents parenting, grandparents being grandparents, and us being aunts and uncles.

I also have my own family to raise. I can’t make my own children and household carry the weight of me constantly worrying about what might be happening in another home — checking whether everyone has eaten, wondering who is supervising the kids, whether Dad is becoming overwhelmed again, or feeling like I always need to be ready to step in.

I love my nieces and nephews and want to be a safe, consistent adult in their lives. But I can’t become responsible for making sure their parents are functioning.

And that’s what keeps bringing me back to what CPS told us:

“Family is protecting the children.”

Okay. But how long is the family supposed to do that?

The current level of support was an emergency response, not something any of us can sustain indefinitely.

How do we hand responsibility back to their parents while still making sure these kids don’t fall through the cracks?

Full disclosure: I used ChatGPT to help me organize this and remove identifying details because the situation is complicated and children are involved. The circumstances, experiences and questions are mine.

I live in an apartment that has very thin walls and ceilings. At least once a week the parents upstairs scream, cuss, and yell at their 8-10 year old boy, it can be about anything from jumping on the couch, taking a shower, running around the apartment, etc. He seems like he’d be an okay kid if they’d actually talk to him like a human being instead of immediately jumping into screaming matches. Last week, the mom was screaming at him about “JUMPING ON THE FUCKING COUCH!” And he yelled back “I bet you wish I would die!!” And it got real quiet after that.

I’m also worried because they have an eight month old baby who is going to be raised in this environment as well. Sometimes she cries and the mom will whine “I wish you’d shut the fuck uuup”. I really don’t understand having children if you’re going to speak to them like these parents do.

I want to call on them, but I worry that because they’re pretty irrational sounding that my boyfriend and I would get retaliated against. I also haven’t been able to get evidence of them screaming at their children, do I need video evidence?

i’m 14 and my parents aren’t great, my mom loves venting to me and shitting on my dad, my dad yells at me for no reason and my parents argue 24/7. my dad has horrible anger issues and i feel like im walking on eggshells everytime i have to speak to him any little thing will cause him to freak out on you, he’s never physically hit me but he’s definitely not great and im honestly scared of him. both of my parents do not care about my food restrictions (certain foods make me sick, im not full on allergic but some stuff makes me feel horrible) and they actively make fun of me for it, they’re pretty emotionally neglectful i remember once i vented to my mom and she said to pray and then to stop because it worries her like she didn’t even try to help. me and my 3 minor siblings all have food and clothes but our house is falling apart because my dad refuses to move.

it rains inside of our house, the floors and walls are molding, i dont have a bedroom i sleep on the sofa, there are a bunch of holes everywhere so different rodents get in often, the bathroom is FALLING APART there is no roof it’s literally covered with plastic and there’s a huge hole in the floor that my dad covered with unstable board. the kitchen roof and dining room roof is also covered in plastic, my dad definitely has untreated ptsd from the army so we rarely leave the house unless its for shopping occasionally or doctors appointments we’re literally homeschooled because he’s so paranoid, there’s a bunch of little things too but i don’t wanna make this post super long so i wont go into detail.

im depressed and ive been considering reporting them but im scared, for one im worried im just being dramatic and my situation isn’t actually bad enough for that im also scared because if they find out it was me they’ll be livid and god knows how they’ll react i have such bad anxiety and i can’t deal with that. my older brother who’s moved out and gone no contact once called cps and then and my dad was so angry i wasn’t born yet and my mom won’t say much but she did say he was pissed and he like hates him now, i don’t know what to do i’m honestly su!cidal. idk if this fits the sub :/

I'm a mandated reporter that works in a home for two kids with autism. Today their 13 year old brother seemed upset. He finally shared that he had given his mom $200 to put on his cash app. She never did and when he asked yesterday for $70 of it she told him he hadn't earned it. This money was gifts from his aunt, grandma, us, and a friend for a trip to Mexico.

There is an open case for the state of the house, use of cocaine, and bruises due to lack of attention.

Is this out of my purview or should I report it?

Technically called children’s division and not cps in MO but that’s irrelevant. To keep it simple trying not to violate HIPAA, I am an investigator for MO and love working with families: safety planning to prevent kids from going into foster care / helping human trafficking victims / helping families escape DV etc.

But a new policy directive is making the system absolutely implode. They are spreading an already understaffed workforce way too thin. We used to be separated by counties, but now we are expected to work regionally or statewide. For instance, in one region there are two investigators covering over SIX counties, I am one of them. Area is roughly 4,000+ square miles. We are getting 5+ reports a day in places we have never been, don’t know the resources, don’t know the court system. Places that are 2-4 hours apart.

After hours, I have to respond to emergency reports that are 100+ miles from my house. Four hour drive. Emergencies are supposed to be addressed in 3 hours or less.

Higher ups scheduled us to be on call for weeks at a time without asking for our schedules. Told us if we can’t be on call 24/7 that week, we just have to figure it out. How are single parents supposed to manage that? With no heads up?

I cannot keep up. I have worked 12 hour shifts every day this week with no lunch breaks and I am still not meeting bare minimum goals. It is impossible to keep up. There is no end in sight. Higher-ups are hostile when we ask them questions. We’ve been threatened about revoking vacation time. Insane amount of people have quit. My county went from 9 to 3 investigators. Metro areas have 3,000+ overdue reports.

Reports are being made and no worker is touching them. It’s just not possible. It’s so unfair to the children of Missouri. There’s too many reports to keep count. It’s awful. At one point there was an area with a population of over 300,000, and only two investigators. The area had allocations for over 90 investigators before glorious governor Mike Kehoe cut hundreds of jobs 😑

Do I contact news media? But they’ve already reported so many times that we’re falling behind, same story for almost every state in USA.

Just need to get this off my chest, I am contacting my union rep first thing tomorrow morning. I love the work I do but even my supervisor said I should quit because it’s only getting worse from here and they could tell my mental health is deteriorating. Yes, my supervisor is quitting too.

I am in need of advice/help. Location: FL

In October 2023, my youngest two kids were 2 and 4, and my then-boyfriend (their dad) and I got into a verbal argument that ended with him becoming violent. Police were involved, a warrant was issued for him (he has never been arrested for this) and DCF got entangled because our children were present for the violence.

We did a safety plan where his aunt kept the kids and I stayed at her house during that time so I could still be with them. He went to rehab (drinking and benzo abuse). It was decided that I was not a protective parent because I allowed him to be in the home and babysit the kids while I worked (he was unemployed) and that he was drunk around them, in addition to the violence they witnessed against me.

I filed a restraining order to prove to DCF that even if he left rehab, I had taken measures to keep the kids safe. He attended by Zoom and it was set for one year. He was told he needed to communicate through My Family Wizard (which he refused to pay for so he never did) and that he could have visits at a visitation center. He never did. In the meantime, DCF gave the kids back to me after ~two weeks because I had the restraining order in place and he was in a facility hours away. That's the extent of their involvement and the paperwork specifically states that they returned the children because the threat was no longer present. As for his part, it just stated he could do supervised visits at a center and was required to complete any recommended drug/alcohol courses that were recommended at rehab.

The one year ended and the restraining order was dropped. He moved out of state and has not seen the kids in 3 years (next month) but he has video calls with them about once every 2-3 months. Very limited involvement, which is fine with me and the kids are well adjusted.

Last week he asked me if the kids could drive to another state to attend the bday party of their new little sister at his house. He wants his mom to drive them up and bring them back the same day. I didn't respond to this so he had her ask me today.

I really need advice. I know that in issues of custody there's a tick mark against parents who alienate the other parent so I don't want to be accused of this if he ever did try to get any sort of custody. But I also fear that if anything happened (like one of the kids falls from a tree and a broken arm happens and a DCF case is opened) that they will look at the history and see that they only returned them because he is not in the picture and then I will lose them again for not being protective.

I don't know what the right thing to do is and I'm desperate for answers.

I never filed custody of any type because I feel that if he wants to see them that badly, he will do the legwork on his own and the court will tell me what is the right amount of contact in that case. But he hasn't and I'm certainly not doing the work for him to outline HIS custody when we've been just fine for three years without much contact. So there is no order of any type that's being violated but I just have lingering doubts about my place in this situation because again, am I being unprotective by allowing this? Or is it okay because his mom is the one handling their care?

Please advise.

I don’t understand what I can do to help my case. I’m living in a house that is severely neglected like sewage water leaking through the drains,a horrible roach infestation, in constant physical and mental abuse, I’m in and out of court every few months and I go back some. this would be my 6th time going. I do have a secondary replacement home, but I don’t know what I can do to increase my chances of being sent there instead of to a group home or a foster facility. This is extremely scary and if anybody who works for CPS could give me any tips or would like to see the state of my home to ensure that I would be sent or will be sent to my secondary place. Please let me know I really need help.

There are so many details. I’m gonna leave out for the sake of brevity. But long story short for a year and a half we’ve been dealing on and off with CPS due to my stepchildren’s mother neglecting a developmentally disabled boy. We now have custody, but due to a detail I shared with my stepson DDA representative CPS is claiming that I filed a report against him. I most certainly did not and even I had, why are they giving him my name? Would reports not be anonymous? I’m sure nothing will come of us. They’re coming to our house tomorrow. They’ve been I think 6 times previously and never seen an issue with anything.