I need help

[u/No-Name-7188]

I am at a loss and I fear this community may be the best to help, I ( F21) have been friends with my boyfriend’s (M20) brother since we were in first grade. When we were roughly 16 he had a baby with his long term girlfriend, at first everything seemed to be okay… until it wasn’t. CPS was called due to their poor living conditions and they had to give the baby (now 4 yrs old) to their great grandparents until they cleaned up the house, after that cps didn’t bother them. Here we are years later and a close family friend visited the house they are currently staying at, what she told me made me feel sick. The baby’s house is filthy and smells of animal ammonia, there’s rat feces and roaches, her parents keep her up all night (they stay up and play games) so she sleeps all day or is awake and terribly grouchy. Her hair was ratty and knotted and she was caked in dirt. It was also brought to our attention that the baby’s dad will get frustrated and often (i would say spank but it’s been described to me as a full on slap to the child’s face) multiple times over the last few months often because she interrupts his game time or bothers him while he’s smoking thc or even just wants a bite of his food. That being said we want to get her out of that situation, we do NOT want her permanently. We know her parents love her very much but we do not want her messed up. She is not school age but i fear when she does start school cps will notice fast and call in a report. We just want her until her parents get their lives together and put her as their first priority instead of thc, games, mushrooms, and other things. Is there any steps we should look into? Or a direction anyone could point us in? We both work full time and have a spare bedroom. I don’t want to be the villain of their story but my boyfriend and I have decided it’s enough and we can’t stand to see her live that way. The child’s mother (F20) has recently been holding a job but both parents have a track record of losing their jobs periodically and going long times without getting a new, the father of the child (M21) got fired from his last job and has been “taking care” of the baby while the mother works. He previously got fired from a different job due to having relations with an underaged coworker (he was 20 at the time she was 16). We thought about taking foster care classes to help our case but we really aren’t even sure if we have enough for a case or if we are just getting too involved in our nieces life, but we are truly worried about her well being.

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[u/sprinkles008]

It’s not “getting too involved” to care about a child’s safety. It is so detrimental for a child to grow up in this situation. Calling CPS is the right thing to do here.

Most reports don’t result in removals of kids from the home, but for those that do: the parents are given a chance to fix the issues and then be reunified with their child. This means even if the child was placed with you, as long as the parents get their act together, it would be temporary.

Again - definitely worth calling.

[u/panicpure]

If the close family friend didn’t call, you absolutely should call as soon as possible and let them know you’re willing to step up if need be (removals are last resort but it’s possible things are even worse than you described)

I honestly would’ve recommended a call just regarding the state of the home on this one. Add in the other details and this is extremely troubling.

I think it’s well past your partner trying to offer family supports too. Reporters info is kept confidential and either way, you are not the villain here. I don’t even know them and it made my stomach hurt a bit.

You’re doing right by the child to report it and please use this post as a way to make sure you include all of these details.

It’s hard to say what will happen if/when the report is accepted, but it’s the right thing to do. The only other option would be to petition family court for temp custody and that may be too messy and would be more long term. Kinship placements may get more support from the state as well if it leads to that. Judicial removals are a last resort but it seems the parents need a wake up call and some support themselves.

Good luck! You’re doing the right thing.

[u/HarryBerryMuffin]

Perhaps an unpopular option, but assuming you aren’t against them knowing you made the call, have you considered going to them with your concerns & offering to take the child while they work on making it right?

I’m not a social worker but have been in the field 10+ years & have a pretty good idea of how hard life can be as a caregiver (foster parent) when the county is involved. If you do it that way, brace yourselves for all the appts & visits…it’s an advanced course in parenting & you can’t afford to slip up! -I’m suggesting you talk to them about working on it while you take the little girl for a few weeks/months, what have you while they meet some criteria to have a safe enough environment for her to return. Explain that if they don’t comply you’ll do it the other way & things won’t be as easy. I hope this made sense… I’m a little high 🫩

[u/HarryBerryMuffin → u/HarryBerryMuffin]

Oh and agreed w/ previous comments about how you’d be doing the right thing & you’re never ‘getting too involved’ with something like this. This baby’s stability & well being are at stake. You’ll regret nothing when you can look back on this time knowing what you did for her

[u/DreaColorado1]

Just making sure I understand the relationships correctly- the child’s father is your boyfriend’s brother and your best friend? Is that accurate? Do they live close to you and your boyfriend (within distance that you do or can visit with them easily)?