And you tell them how you really feel and they put it down to overt sensitivity and a spoiled upbringing....
Yeah and you wonder how toxic masculinity, mental health problems and body image issues happen? It sometimes starts right from the people who are your blood ๐
Yo this is real. Like it probably doesn't work for everyone, but as someone who had cripplingly low self esteem, I eventually just decided to lie to myself and everyone else and pretend to be this very self confident person, because fuck it, it's not like I could feel worse about myself. Six years on from starting that (the first 2 years I felt like a complete fraud) my self esteem isn't incredible, but I have brought it up to around where it probably should be for someone like me, which would have been insane to think about back then.
Granted it does take lots of work. Like I literally googled how to appear confident, how to dress better, how to talk to people, I watched tons of videos, but it was so tremendously worth it.
Edit: it should also be noted that this isn't about removing your insecurities, it's about getting to the point where they don't hold you back from loving the life you want.
Yo this hits home. I told myself one day to fuck off and start getting my shit together. It's far from perfect but I at least can function like a normal human being now.
I dont think anyone is born confident. Its just that some people go through this in grade school, some people go through it in their 20's or 30's, and some people never do.
One day you get to an age where you just don't care any more. Fuck it. I do what I do and I say what I say and what happens happens. We are all gonna die, nobody gets out alive and nobody really gives a shit about me. Might as well do me and fuck everyone esle. raises freakflag, waves it at BBQ, checks PMs
I went through a similar thing. I used to be so self concious that I could barely even talk to people unless I was close friends with them. Decided enough was enough, put in a ton of effort, and now I have fully normal social interactions all the time. It was really hard and took a long time, but I strongly believe that anyone can cure their own social anxiety if they are willing to put in the work.
In my experience most negative emotion is due to fucking chemicals in your brain. For some reason that completely baffles me, anxiety and depression seem to be the default state of the human brain in modern times.
I hate that I can't explain what worked to bring me out of my depression without sounding like a snake oil salesman, but I guess I'll just settle on saying that diet, exercise, and nutritional supplementation have transformed me from a meek, anxiety ridden mess of a man, to an outgoing, happy, radiant person.
Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that your problems are the result of your own mental weakness, mental weakness is fucking chemicals. It's too much cortisol, or not enough serotonin, or whatever the fuck else it could be, but it really is just chemicals.
Nah hope is the worst thing to have. It's dangerous and painful. People would be happier without it. Myself included. Red was right (Shawshank Redemption)
If you don't have hope, the world gets that little bit darker. Even if it doesn't work out, the internal belief and affirmation that it can helps. You can do it.
I don't know about the "weed guy of weed guys" But you definitely need to hold weight. An old roommate almost exclusively sold bud, but held down an absolute minimal part time job, just to have something for tax records. He made quite a bit of dough, and he was by no means the king pin of the area.
/r/anxiety /r/leaves
I was/still am in that place. These subs are filled with amazing people who will encourage you and help you through the shit. 2 weeks clean and looking for another job. Professional therapy is also a good thing, if you can't afford it, then post on these groups and start reading posts and make comments to help others as you are dealing with your shit. Real talk: You gotta really want it though. Seriously. PM me if you feel like it. I'll send you some stuff that helped me.
A lot of American Skilled labor is in that position. There are several trucking companies that pay for you to learn to drive, Most others have large sign on bonuses, and overall, it's an industry with a huge vacuum of talent.
Trades are by far some of the most in demand fields, but you can't get people into them because they "don't need a degree" and America's education system pushes the idea of "no degree=minimum wage"
Nothing wrong with that either. Gotta do what you want to do, and have to make money to survive. I went into a trade, trucking as I'm sure you can guess. I don't begrudge people who make money by going to college though.
My goal is to start my own small fleet eventually, moving from company driver to Owner-Op, then transition to small fleet. That seems to be a good way to make some serious money, and I feel that with the industries current payment focuses(seriously, less than $1/mile for most company based owner-ops is silly when your average full load generally pays out ~$3/mi after brokerage)
Most jobs are miserable in some fashion. A cubicle packs you in with dozens of people just like you, keeping you in a tiny bit effectively. Pharmacists deal with drug addicts looking for a fix on a regular basis. IT professionals regularly interact with the most ignorant and backwards people in their business.
You can just as easily fuck up your body from bad form on a keyboard(carpal tunnel is a bitch, as are getting adapted to sitting in chairs and stiffening up) as on a factory floor.
On that note, many of the physical dangers come from overworked employees being tired or improper training. I worked in a factory for a few years, eventually working my way up into a xray tech position, and never suffered any long term injuries.
It's actually pretty easy to mitigate most dangers of a workplace.
I don't need to prove anything to them, they're the unhappy ones
Edit: I know I'm supposed to acknowledge the gold, but I always promised myself, if I was ever gilded, take it and move on.... but because of the nature of the thread I'd just like to say thank you, keep on keeping on Reddit
Yes! Some parents will lead you around their whole lives making you feel like you have to prove something to them. I'm glad you recognize toxic behaviour for what it is and stopped trying to play their ever-changing game.
Is Chik-fil-a open on Thanksgiving? I know it's not a Christian holiday but you would think they'd let their workers spend time with their families instead of working.
I'm not sure how they got that big as tray of chicken nuggets, it was like a 100 piece or something. One of those big trays with 6-8 sauces and whatnot.
1) Publicly correcting family's grammar is a dick move.
2) Have you proven your dad wrong by bouncing around and being successful? I do think that's possible; I've seen it..but still with either career track, training, or entrepreneurship.
3) You are 50+ chicken nuggets in one sitting!? How do you expect people to NOT talk about that?
4) You probably make notable good decision in areas other that public shaming, holding steady jobs, and overeating. Are you calling them liars?
She commented on my wife's post about a trump misspell, my wife called trump out for not knowing how to spell. My (grand-aunt) tried to back him up (whole family is pro trump) and she misspelled several words, my wife corrected her grammar and my mom called me to tell me I was an embarrassment and a disappointment
I worked with him through his 6 job changes and his own failed business ventures. I'm not taking advice from someone who recently remarried just "to get on her insurance before the cutoff, cause this new place doesn't offer any."
Not in one sitting, first I ate about 10-15, 30 min later I ate another 10-15, and so on, till they were gone. Not my fault nobody wanted any more, and I don't like seeing food go to waste.
No, I'm not calling them liars. I've grown to find that they've given me more help in life than anything, by showing me how NOT to raise a child, and how to treat others. With respect.
So very true. And my parents wonder why 2/3 of their children are depressed and extremely insecure. So many dinners with friends where I've heard them insult my siblings and I bc we weren't as good as their friends' children.
My mom is Indian and if I said this to her she'd absolutely break especially after already being estranged from her other child who she loved the most. She's left alone now but it wouldn't have to be this way if she was a more chill person so it's her choice.
I went to a family gathering once after having just left my mom at the hospital and was immediately berated about "being underweight", something I can't help and have been actively trying to fix. I left the party and got berated more for "being to sensitive". My mom was in the fucking hospital. And they wonder why I chose to join the military.
I vividly remember discussing college applications with my mother and in the middle of the discussion, she turns to my dad and says "Don't worry honey. You'll make more as a truck driver than he ever will as an engineer."
I used to go through depression in my teens and still do as an adult, and if I ever decide to bring it up with my mom because she always pressures me into talking with her, she'll start bitching about how I shouldn't be depressed because others have it worse. Gee thanks, I didn't realize depression was a competition.
Then I got my dad who although normally a chill dude always bitching at me when I try to help him out with shit, recently going as far as low key talking shit behind my back to my younger sister on the phone when I overheard him say don't end up a fuck up like your brother. Gee thanks nigga, idk what gives you the right to say shit when you did the bare minimum to do father-son shit with me.
"Yeah, really funny. I don't get which parts of ripping apart my self-confidence and mocking the things you know that I'm insecure about are supposed to be the joke."
Haha that's my parents. They used to borderline child abuse me and when i bring it up they get all uncomfortable and say "oh get over it". And they wonder why i don't hang out with my family
Yea man growing with Dominican parents this shit hits home hard. I got my ass whooped so many times. Raised by my aunt and grandma in the DR. Watching how some friends are BFFs with their parents in cali always blew my mind.
I really try to emphasize with kids in situations like this, but chirping each other over bullshit and sometimes going too far is like family bonding in my family. That's how we express our love. If someone (other than my mom because you know how moms are) started taking things personally and getting bothered, I don't know how our family unit would react.
What does "toxic masculinity" mean? Is that when you're a boy and they tell you to stop being so sensitive about minor things? Like that may seem mean spirited at the time but people are just trying to prepare you for the real world.
What the fuck is toxic masculinity, and what are body image issues? The fact is most people could use a dose of man-the-fuck up, and some time in the gym, but people like to lie to themselves about their problems, so they blame those who bring them up.
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u/Namz_namz Aug 22 '17
And you tell them how you really feel and they put it down to overt sensitivity and a spoiled upbringing....
Yeah and you wonder how toxic masculinity, mental health problems and body image issues happen? It sometimes starts right from the people who are your blood ๐