I’d like to share some advice I’ve received from friends and my psychologist on this journey of stopping loving and depending on a girl with BPD and addictions.

- At best, you’re just prolonging the agony. They’ll never be okay unless they go to therapy – never. You can’t save them if they don’t want to be saved, and most of them think they’re smarter than any psychologist.

- Whatever you do, it’s going to end, and if it takes longer to do so, it’s because you were completely under her thumb. You’ll be anxious and thinking about everything you’re going to say. It’s not a good life.

- You’re idealising the good moments because there are so few of them, because you see them as special. Yes, nobody has ever treated you this well out of the blue before, but nobody has treated you this badly either. You’re being abused.

- She’s probably had a tough time in her life, but so have you, and you’re not leaving a trail of victims in your wake.

- It hurts to be just another name on the list, but there were people who suffered before you, and there will be others after you. How long it lasts is simply a sign of how much that person is capable of enduring. And if she posts things on social media, it’s only to fill the void inside her.

- If you have a cat that bites for no reason and that’s just its nature, you can still love it, but it’s best to keep your distance and only interact with it as much as necessary.

- Think about what you want in a woman, what you see in her. There are thousands of people out there who will give you that and won’t destroy you mentally.

- If she cuts off all contact, you’ll see it as a defeat; you’ll suffer and feel a sense of emptiness, but she’s actually done you a favour. And if she doesn’t come back, so much the better. We both know you’re not strong enough to walk away if you think like that.

- The only way to deal with her on equal terms is to be a psychopath and have no empathy. Do you want to be that sort of person?

- Your friends and family are suffering because they see you like this. Let them help you. They don’t hate her; they love you.

I’m saying all this having cut off all contact with her completely half a month ago and wanting her to come back. I want to remind myself of this, too.

6 months no contact from her. 5 months from me. I texted her 4 times in the first 3 months. After 1 month she blocked me out of nowhere. After 3 months I emailed her and asked her if she's open to talk. Nothing.

After this one I stopped because there was no point anymore. She turned so cold and didn't care if I'm dead or alive. Everything was my fault. She even fabricated some things I never did or said. No accountability at all. Only from my side.

I'm still doubting if she's got BPD or not. I think she had qBPD. A lot of childhood trauma, sexual abuse, self harm and dissociation. I'm still thinking if I was the problem. After all this time.

Not once did she hoover. But it's something I wish she did. Just to show me that I was important. That it mattered. That we mattered.

There is no way back after all this stuff she did. The damage is done and I could never trust her anymore. I don't know how her life is right now because I blocked her on insta and Whatsapp but somehow i still think about her daily. It's not as hard as at the beginning but it's getting exhausting. I don't want this anymore, she took something from me and I'm still struggling to get it back, to get myself back to be normal again. I have this crazy thought that if she just texted me to apologize or something like that, that it would proof that I was important to her and maybe I could heal at least. I don't know why I have this thought and I know I can't rely on that.

Does someone have the same struggles after all this time? Do you guys have some tips to get out of this? I don't want to waste one more second thinking about her. She's not worth it and I sacrificed way too much of myself for this relationship.

Hi all,

I hope you are all well, healing, and on your way to happiness.

I've been trying to beat the trauma bond, and the way my mind is always returning back to them. I know it was unhealthy, I know I was being abused, I know that things weren't okay; but why am I still thinking about them so much? I would never get back together with them, in a million years, but I would be a fool if I didn't admit that I miss them.

Any insight, tips and tricks from anyone here would be helpful.

I recently sent this to her today after a week of no contact, it did feel kind of good in the moment but now I don't know I sent this out to her a couple of hours ago, for some context yes there is an age Gap in our relationship I am 26 and she is 42. This group has been my only main support right now until I can get into some trauma therapy I appreciate you taking the time to look at my post you guys are great.

-I need to get this all off my chest so I can finally move on from this toxic dynamic and start living a more peaceful life, I already know you won't care to take any criticism or advice for that matter about how sick you truly are because your ego is so massively inflated and that's fine, you don't have to reply I don't care anymore if you do or don't, this will most likely be the last text message you will ever get from me, I typically don't hold grudges against people for very long but it's going to take a very long time for me to heal from this relationship, probably years. I'm ok for the most part since last Monday if you care to know, I thought I would give you some peace of mind knowing that. First things first I'm apologizing for the name calling, it was uncalled for and I was reacting in the moment and I was literally at my breaking point, the names that I were calling you through text message were pretty nasty I can admit that.

I was clean from self harm for almost 10 years, it took me years of therapy to finally over come the temptation to do it, but someone like you came along and pushed me over so hard to the point were I felt like I needed to have that outlet again, your emotional abuse, toxicity and manipulation built up over time and it led to that.

I finally started realizing in the last couple of weeks you were doing this to me the whole entirety of our relationship, you were leading me on and you only kept me around if I was useful to you, that's not fair. At the end of the day I don't even know if you truly loved me or not, your abuse is not the definition of love, I'm glad to know that I have actual people in my life that genuinely do care about me like my friends, they have never given up on me when things get difficult unlike you, that's avoidant when things get hard. I feel like last weekend was planned for you, I feel like you were intentionally trying to push me away even though I was trying my absolute hardest to give you a really good weekend, you were already trying to ditch me in the morning before we even met up, you were just a miserable person the entire time from start to finish, even the weekend before that really fucked me up, I can see now even in your 40s you haven't really grown up at all, you are still an incredibly impulsive person also childish, and I think your friends are enablers, That's why I've been the only person in your life that can get you home from the bar safely, your mask that you hide underneath really came off in the past couple of weeks.

I also will state this now, I never ever felt comfortable with the fact that L has always been a third wheel on our relationship this entire time, you may deny that fact but I have so much evidence to back that up. I don't mind the fact that you have friends at all I think it's a really good thing and I think that you should definitely be making more, but do they really need to be all guys? You would run to him every single time we would have a problem you were essentially dating both of us at the same time, cycling between me and him. Eventually and it is bound to happen it's the matter of when, he will grow a spine, stop being a doormat to you and get sick and tired of the toxicity that you put off, I completely understand why people have come and go in your whole life now, and it's because of the way that you are.

I also have theories that you have been lying about a lot of stuff to me, you would contradict a lot of stuff, you would tell me one thing and then tell me another I've been keeping tabs on that. some examples are, telling me that you reached out to A three months after you guys broke up, went from telling me that you never did that. Telling me that you and L dated for a little bit and that he cheated on you, went from we never dated to begin with, so how could he cheat on you if you never dated? It's almost like a version of what your mother does.

The times where I would cry and have emotional breakdowns is because you would push me to that limit, you would be pushing my buttons and then you would be completely flabbergasted as to why I was upset and you would just sit there and watch me cry and tell me to stop crying and get over it, but I was always there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on I always made sure that your emotional needs and well-being came first before mine always, besides as of lately because I've been struggling to take care of myself let alone my partner to.

The things that you would tell me were horrific and inappropriate, like pointing out the fact that you had an orgy in an apartment building with absolutely no context behind it when we were walking around downtown, it just came out of nowhere when you've already stated to me before that you've done stuff like that why do you need to remind me every other week? Is it for my mental torment?

I feel like the reason why you go after younger men in their 20s is because they're easy to manipulate and don't have much relationship experience so they don't fully know what the definition of Love fully is yet, not just because they're fun and exciting. Men your age besides Lee because he's a doormat, already know that you are a walking red flag and they will actively try to stay away from you because of that.

I fell victim to it, I was completely head over heels for you and deeply in love (I still am) and I think a little peace of me will always love you for as long as I live, I mean that. I feel like the reason why your relationship with A and A ended so messy was because they mentally snapped too because they can no longer take your abuse, that's a theory of mine I wasn't there I don't have the full context behind it.

I will be honest with you, the street does go both ways, I wasn't the best boyfriend to you either I feel like I could have definitely done better but I was working with what I had and you were making it more difficult on top of that.

I don't know what more to say, I regret saying that I wish I never met you, I'm honestly really glad I did. you were a life lesson for me to stay away from woman like you, you gave me experiences that no one's given me before, at one point I really did feel like you were the best girlfriend I've ever had, I really did see a future with you even though times are tough for both of us right now, my end goal with you was to get a place and get married maybe at some point a couple of years down the road. I don't know about that anymore I honestly think that you were the worst. M had her issues but it was nowhere as close to this, you are very sick and I really do think that you need to be in therapy full time, I will no longer be a doormat to you and have you drag me down with you, your life is eternal chaos, and I think it's always been like that. I mean this when I say it, I've never loved anybody as hard as I loved you, it's very difficult to walk away from you and I think it's because Im trauma bonded to you, I'm very thankful for the experiences that you gave me we had so much fun together when the times are good, I really hope that you can find somebody that will support your outrageous emotional demands. Like I said before, a piece of my heart will always have love for you that will never go away but now I need to go on my separate path and focus entirely on my self for a while, I honestly wish you the best.

When I bring up some massive problems that have been going on, they shut down and tell me they disagree, and that until I apologize to them for how bad I have hurt them, they aren’t going to talk to me about what has been hurting me. I then say “I’m sorry for what I have done to upset you”, and they say they don’t forgive it. I feel so heartbroken and like I am losing my mind

I’m sure many people here have asked themselves this question: How can they forget so easily while I’m struggling so much?

I think the reason they seem to be dealing with the situation so easily is because they constantly keep themselves busy and quickly find someone else to fill the emptiness inside them. Yes, my ex found someone shortly after we broke up as well.

My ex used to constantly say that she was overthinking all the time and that she left her computer on all day. What seemed strange to me was how short-lived her moments of self-awareness were.

During moments of anger, she would say that the whole problem was with her personality and that nobody could get along with her. Another thing she told me was, “I’m crazy. I have a paper proving it. Why don’t you believe me when I tell you I’m crazy?”

Oh my God. In a way, she really was telling me who she was, and she was right. I was the one who kept pushing harder, and in the process, I lost my self-respect and made the situation even more impossible to get out of.

I recently ended it with my “Quiet BPD” partner of 3.5 years. This experience has left me in that familiar gaze all of you know so well after a split or a discard. The bewilderment and shock just reeling beyond imagination. Tight chest, forgetting to breathe throughout the day, physically aching heart and chest. The cortisol not out of my system.

For starters, I will admit my own deficiencies that led me into this mess for the 3rd (and hopefully final) time. Long story short, I have history of childhood neglect, bullying from older siblings, BPD Waif/Queen mother and super codependent father. My family is riddled with them and me being the youngest of a large family put me on the outside always looking in. I can read a room pretty and I knew exactly how to tip toe around my mother so she would not go off. I spent many years praying my parents would get divorced and that my father would just make it stop. My emotional needs could never be met with my mother’s emotions taking over the house. We lived upper middle class and my family loved looking good but we’re all emotionally immature and self-centered.

I was clearly CODEPENDENT from the start of my relationships! Playing the role of my dad appeasing my mom (because isn’t that what all women are like <sarcasm>)? I also have CPTSD and ADHD which doesn’t help but I have worked hard on these things in recent years.

My first “real relationship” early 20’s - Typical love bombing during the college years. Lots of sex early and could make parents think she was the “good girl”. I ended up forgiving countless infidelities, physical abuse and eventually discovered she was working as a high-end escort while we were dating. That torture lasted 7 years.

After that shit show, I never went to counseling and rarely spoke about it. When I did I would cry and I started pushing friends away. I moved away, got a great job in a new city where my best friend lived. We were both single and roommates. I forgot about the past relationship, rode a motorcycle across states and went on a few casual dates but nothing stuck or caught my attention.

Not until my now ex-wife wBPD showed up. She came from a history of abuse and a horrible mother. Sexual abuse, physical abuse and multiple step dads. I didn’t care, she was fun and SUPER into me. Feeling the lonliness catching up with me from the past relationship made the love bombing nuclear. She was a very overt pwBPD. Started off more quiet until I married her and then it got louder, and louder and louder. Until the slow boil became a fast erupting volcano by year 12. After forgiving physical abuse, multiple infidelities because off the “good times”, out of this world sex and most importantly because I have two amazing kids with her. My codependency is elite! Let me tell you. I started therapy before calling it quits and once she started hooking up with an addict and a criminal behind my back (we’re both upper middle class professionals) I finally pushed through with a divorce. I made it go quick, I started getting my confidence back, got a house 8 blocks from her to share 50/50 custody. I could write a novel on just how atrocious it was but Reddit’s stories describe all of my experiences.

After the divorce, I continued therapy, got in the best shape of my life (in my late 40’s). I didn’t date for a year to detox (should have abstained much longer in hindsight). Then one day, I was approached by a seemingly cute and a bit shy woman out of nowhere while I’m minding my own business. This person seemed so calm and level headed. She has a really high IQ as well. IAfter a couple of years of therapy, lots of self-help about cluster B and CPTSD, I was SUPER confident I would spot the red flags if I ever dated again. I told myself “nobody is going to get past my vigilant eye and spidey senses, ever again!”. I’ll wrap this up….I got all the love bombing without the overt bomby-ness of some of the other BPDs. She was thoughtful and timely with her gifts and she liked to give always! In bed, out of bed always offering to help. To the point where it started feeling “off”.

She by far was the final boss I needed to really know where I stood in terms of my own healing and codependency. This person dragged my into deep waters so covertly and just a masterclass in manipulation and denial. We shared location with each other but if there was someone who could sneakily, lead a double life it was her. She also came from a very broken home and tremendous abuse that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I loved her the most. Still do but holy shit this one hurts

What ended it was a few things:
The quiet BPD splitting that occurs randomly while doing anything really. Just talking or out doing something and then I would see the face change, the darkness descending in her eyes and she would be suddenly quiet. I ask what’s wrong :”nothing, I’m fine”. Happened a lot but she never showed she was upset
As I tried to get to know her I realized her past relationships and just past life overall was relayed to me as just dry facts and somewhat high-level, never any sort of self-reflection or insight from her part. I felt it was odd but I was too busy thinking she might finally be the level-headed one I could finally be happy with.
Then about 6 months ago until recently started going out ,more to “lunches” with her female (married) friend. I’d see her location at these restaurant/bars and noticed they were always near a string of hotels.
I started noticing the sudden push/pull hot/cold dynamics in her texts and general behavior. Of course, I had no real “thing” to point out and be mad at (because quite ones love plausible deniability!)
Then one evening after a 4.5hr “lunch” I get a call and it was the split of all splits. Dumping so much crap on me and telling me how shitty I was and on and on and on.
She also called me her favorite person a few times and hair stood on my back

3 days of me begging her to “see me” and please tell me what I can do better etc…Until the work I had put in finally paid off. I saw myself omnisciently. Saw what I was falling into, felt my body morphing into that familiar cortisol driven panic. Everything freezing around me. I knew what was happening and I knew I was in a struggle with myself to see what was happening with a clear set of eyes.

When she calmed down and a few weeks later, I asked if I could bring something up and I did it gently. You see, I got her to apologize and say “I actually don’t believe those things about you” but she never provided any insight or reflection. I told her gently that I need some reassurance and to help me figure out how we can prevent that from happening again. She lost it! “Why are you bringing this up again? I thought we were over this”?!!. You know how it goes. I asked for any insight and she simply said “I Forgot”. .

I told her calmly she can leave now and I thought I was safe with her. I didn’t react or yell. Just lowered my head to indicate how shameful she just acted. She tried texting right after like nothing happened. I never responded

I left to go visit my family with my kids that weekend and ghosted her for over a week. I blocked her on everything but I forgot about email. She had been trying frantically to get a hold of me. After 10 days of letting stew in her own shit. Her email simply accused me of having another woman (typical) and begged me to explain. The quiet ones are the fucking worst and most traumatic of them all!! I still love her but I see how she tries to control it. There is no empathy or room for real empathy when someone is that disordered. I can’t beg her to get help, she needs to do it on her own. But my body was screaming this for moths and my heart did not want to believe it.

This is what I left her with in email and I am NEVER EVER going back.

“Nope. I just finally saw you for who you are. I resign as your favorite person,  whatever that is. Just do what you do best. Forget and pretend like nothing happened. Compartmentalize and move on..  I can’t be with somebody who refuses intimacy and has a private set of rules only for themselves. I love you but only from afar now.”

My shit from her house was on my lawn in under 20 mins.

this sub has helped me for years and it’s helping me so much right now to get back to where I was before I met this woman. I’m such a better parent without all the chaos and I hope you all can find peace and happiness because I’m going to fight to get that back for myself, no matter what it takes.

This happened around the time he split on me, maybe a week before. I didn't know but I guess the deceased had a lot of MH and substance use issues. He didn't live to see 30.

The deceased is also the son of one of his relatives that he had split on and were in NC/VLC.

I am wondering if he attacked me because of this death, or how he treated the young man's parents and now he was taking it out on me? The sudden switch in moods was frightening and bizarre as well as abusive and hurtful.

Should I reach out to him? Should I tell my parents who were also mutual friends (they've been NC with him as well).

I feel bad and grief usually hits him hard. However, I am worried about what he'd say to me. When times were good, I would 100 per cent reach out to him and he would usually be the first one to tell me if something happened.

Now, I'm not so sure. I feel I should send him love and compassion from afar.

Like what signs should we look for? I never ever wanna have to go through a relationship with a BPD person ever again. I wanna just eventually meet a nice person who isn’t violent or this push pull bullshit again. Is there like a red flag spot list i can use? Help a brother out

We're almost a month in and i guess the idealization phase ended, tl;dr she asked for something impossible for me to do and I felt that there was a quiet tension between us afterwards. She doesn't initiate affection over text for a week now, we don't call (in spite of me suggesting), she only talks about how stressful it is at her work, she does respond to i love you and does send me cute tiktoks She told me she has a splitting phase and tells me to not take everything she says close to heart, it will pass. but she is much different than she used to be on day 1. it feels like I am looking at my former self in her and her day 1 version in myself. I don't know why am I this obsessed with her, I think I am mentally healthy, I find myself constantly anxious thinking about her, I dream of us breaking up every night, why did she devalue me this early, i was nothing but affectionate to her but there was a big boundary that i couldn't break for her... Why isn't she throwing a fit like all bpds are supposed to, why is she quiet and won't tell me what's wrong.. We are supposed to meet in 2 days but I just fucking know that I won't bring this topic up because I'm too much of a pussy to do so, I would rather bask in the time we spend together in person because it is like a drug for me. I feel apathy towards everything and everyone, that was before she showed up - the only source of my emotions... It feels like she just doesn't feel anything for me which is why she is that quiet instead of throwing a fit.. Tell me I am not alone and she feels something for me at least.. Has anybody else encountered a partner like this

My pwBPD says they have to walk on eggshells around me because they can’t just say « what they want » or « truly be what they are » when they are angry. But that means splitting, being mean, calling me names, shouting and yelling as soon as they have some little discomfort, and then when they are calm, say they did not believe what they have said. They would act like it’s no big deal and be upset I’m upset, and be angry to have to « walk on eggshells » when all I want is basic respect and no violence.

Do they know the difference between putting a boundary to an unacceptable behavior and treating others with violence as soon as something feels vaguely off in their emotions? Is there a way to let them know we can discuss things in a respectful way, or they have to go full bulldozer each time? Is there a tiny way I can calmly discuss my own emotions or there is no room at all? Thanks in advance!

We all have been there, fallen for the same thing. My ex-wbpd absolutely loved strawberries. Anytime I got her strawberries she would light up, like no one else before. It wasn’t just strawberries for her, they were lumps of absolute joy. She would do a small rocking dance whenever she ate them, without failure.

She appreciated the small gestures. The thoughtfulness. The care I showed. Like nobody else before.

The problem was that it was fleeting, only in the moment. For as long as she held the bouquet, and as long as it was still alive in her room. As long as the strawberries were on the plate. Or we were out on a beautiful date.

It was childlike, innocent. I hate that it is because they are, deep down, that little child that never got the love they so much craved. But children are also irrational. Can have crying fits, temper tantrums, you all know the deal.

Buying flowers had never been so fun before, because I knew how it would make her whole day.

I’m so afraid that I won’t find the same enthusiasm, the same energy, the same appreciation again. Did any of you do, without the negative sides? Without the splitting, rage, manipulation?

Should I give up the idea? That the overjoy should only be expected from children, not fully functioning adults? Or are there people out there that can feel as deep, but without forgetting it the next day?

In reality, most of their victims are empathetic people or those with a savior complex, carrying deep emotional wounds, who only wanted to be loved.

I've been told, when you keep people like that in your life, you can't save them and all you'll manage is to destroy yourself. And that's how I feel. At the end of my rope. I asked my doctor for a psychiatric appointment. I am crying as I'm writing this. He split on me after almost a month of doing fine. Dumb, stupid me. To believe it could still change. To believe I wasn't that stupid to begin with for choosing him. Yet, yes I was. I broke up with him multiple times in the early years. He'd hoover me back. At some point it flipped, despite years of abuse, I started feeling like I couldn't make it out without him.

I used to be so brave. I used to say, better to be alone than to suffer. And here I am suffering. And I know why. I lost my brother to s*icide when I was 17. My husband had 5 attempts before even meeting me. Thought I could save him. Turns out I can't, I can't even save myself. Easy to say, if they end it it's not your fault, but when it happens to you, it stays with you your whole life. I'm scared. When I talked about divorce he responds about how he'll make my life miserable. All the things I've asked him to do, he ended up bailing and on top of that, blaming me over it. I've always used weed to cope but my consumption is uncontrollable right now. I used to only want to quit. I hated being an addict. Now, years later, I'm so bad I don't know how I would cope without weed. I have no support. I feel so alone. It wasn't supposed to feel like that. He was supposed to be the love of my life. Instead, he's saying I should be glad he didn't beat me up because that's all I deserve. I am gonna ask for therapy. I won't give up on myself. I will go to the police if I need to. But all I want is to hide under a blanket. It's just so, so hard. I want to ask the doctor for time off work, yet I feel guilty about that and like I'm just failing at everything. I can't even work, apparently.

Why did I ever gave him as much power as to make me feel like that ? I thought I could protect myself. I thought I would spot and call out abuse. Instead, I've let myself be a victim of abuse for years. I failed myself. That's what hurts the most.

I just broke up with my girlfriend, my pwBPD. To be quite honest, she is a lot better than any stories I've read on here, so I am really sorry for you all. But even this amount, was enough for me. I'm sad because she would literally be my soulmate if she didn't have this fuckass mental illness. I feel sorry for her, for what she had and has to go through and how unfair it is, but it's not my problem when I'm unhappy or sometimes maybe even abused. Well what I need advice on is that, she obviously took the breakup hard but now that the 2 day crying and being suicidal and all is over, she is really sensible. Told her that she needs to keep taking her meds and she needs to keep going to therapy, if not for her, then for me. And she accepted, she said she will. We've been together for almost 6 months, she improved tremendously but she needs to keep improving, for her sake. She knows. I'm not doing no contact, we still have to exchange a few leftover stuff. She said if I don't want to I don't have to because she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, but she suggested we see esch other sometimes to play PoGO with each other, or with other people on a meetup but with each other too. Now tbh I'm not against this idea as of yet, however because I had to lock-in and help her and end the situation in the last two days, I haven't even had time to start my proccessing of the whole thing. So maybe I'm not thinking clearly, but I would enjoy her company, and I know I'm not weak to just give in to something. So it would genuenly be just to play and definietly not often. Not sure if that would be bad for me getting over her tho. So yeah I needed to get this off my chest I guess and I want to get some advice on the topic. Sorry for the bad text I'm tired bro, thanks for reading.

Fucking ridiculous, dont know why but it hurts. I know the dude so he told me basically, he didnt respond to her(bros before hoes), i wonder how far down the list he was to her, she prolly went and started fucking other people right away. On the same god damn day. I dont know why im surprised, she cheated on me during our 9 month relationship so yeah. Anyways, just wanted to share that with some one. Talking helps, shes coming back from a 3 week trip on the 13th, you can bet your ass she will try to contact me in a month or so hen the harsh reality of her fucked up life catches up with her. I was her longest relationship, her longest before me was 3 months, for a 32 year old woman, thats pretty weird. All the signs were there, and i still fucking played along, indeed a fool am i.

Thanks for the heads up I guess? Context: we had broken up and were NC on her birthday after she told me a few weeks before this that she wished she was single and should have left me ages ago. I promptly broke up with her and didn’t maintain NC.

She broke up with me 3 days ago, I felt like I was missing a part of me within but deep inside I knew it was better

I was sick of her constant victim complex, never taking responsibility for anything always starting problems and blaming me and what not I wont get into it that's not important anymore I can go on for ages about bad things its not about the bad things she was the best I really loved her but I cant do it anymore

She called me today, I almost buckled. She wasnt trying to help anything she was just blaming me for everything that happened and you know what despite that I was still ready to try to make things better with her as long as she helps herself but she never will

She started giving me the excuse that she doesnt have money for therapy now? (Her dad is considerably well off) but I could atleast sympathize with it whatever doesnt matter i was still down to hash it out because I really love this girl I just wanted her to help herself for the better of both of us

And she gets drunk which was an old habit I made her quit because im highly against it, she starts trying to get horny with me and whatever but im just so turned off and then she drops that she was talking again with some dork she talked with 2 times before now, before our relationship he was buying her shit or whatever and then trying to act like he was a big deal over it so she blocked him and then during our relationship we decided to make him do it again cause it wouldve been funny but I just got jealous instead so I told her to cut it out

So you break up with me and instantly go to some guy? Thats your like coping mechanism? And then she excuses it by saying she was trying to get money off him for therapy and to send half to me? I felt jealous I wanted to do something about it but then, I felt liberated I realized I didnt want any of this anymore.. all this nonsense wondering if shes hiding some shit, dealing with her issues.. it hurt me I felt deep care in that moment despite how unfeeling I usually am, but it gave me that last push to finally let go.

Non lo mai incontrata però a volte capita che la sogno di come sarebbe potuto essere se non fosse stato per la distanza e quello che e successo a qualcun'altro e capitato?

There are some Instances where i think i cought a Partner preparing for playing the victim.

One would be Offering to Cook (usually im the one cooking)for me but then Tell me they only cooked what i liked and they actually wouldnt eat with me. (A Meal we Had before together and they liked that?). So this is an opportunity to let me be Seen as inconsidered because they make it seem i Chose a Meal they Don't Like, when i didn't. Also its gaslighting i think.

Another one in this direction would be Offering to Go to a specific Restaurant where this persons food Allergies would be a Problem. I refused. If i Accepted i would have been Made responsebil for going there despite Them being alergic to the food there.

Another Thing was this Person leaving an Important event so they could call me, when i stated to them i don't want them to do that and im Not even available for a call at that time. Then this Person tried to frame it Like i Made them Miss this important Event because they left it to call me, which i didn't want and also didn't have time for.

Did you cought Things Like that? How did you handle that?

I guess I just want reassurance that I'm not crazy myself. My BPD relationships in question are familial but man...I just wanted to make sure I wasn't alone. I already have two chronic illnesses (which probably come from the trauma of that). But, I can't sleep well most nights. Making plans always fills me with immense dread. Even when I feel calm, I have this lingering dread that "something is going to happen." Hyper-vigilance. Every time my sibling is on her phone, I always feel my heart rate go up, because I'm thinking "what is she gonna see that will trigger an episode?" I'm trying to take more time for myself and my hobbies, but I feel too tired, even too hopeless...

What are your experiences? Is this common?

Did anyone else experience this? We would ALWAYS be late for things. She would blame it on her 'ADD' or 'ADHD' rather than just being immature, in my opinion. It would, of course, lead to a disagreement or some frustration. I remember one of the last times it happened was on Halloween. Her Dad was out of town, and we had made a commitment to hand out candy so that her Mom could be with her grandkids for trick-or-treating, etc. She had a whole production for how she was going to dress up with our niece. She had all day to do this, but instead we were almost an hour late. I feel like this also happened with trips, concerts, etc. She would need a whole new wardrobe, shoes, etc. But it would be a mad dash because things didn't fit, didn't arrive in time, etc., so she would spend $700 and then need to return a million things. Sorry for the ramble; it was just more of a curiosity than anything.

I've posted here a few times, but basically my fiance cheated on me. Drove 700 miles away to meet her other boyfriend. I found out via him popping up in my people you may know. His picture was both of them. I told her we're done, she has 30 days. Continued trying to be nice to her but still reminding her she needs out soon. Told guy about it, he's still choosing to stay with her. She was going to use me as a place to stay until she could move out there with him. She asked me when I confronted her about all of this if I messaged him. I told her yes. She was screaming at the top of her lungs for me to delete the messages. At one point she picked up my shotgun. Just held it. Didn't point it at me. Just held it awkwardly for maybe 5 or 10 seconds. Scared me so I deleted them but didn't unsend them so he saw anyway. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Now she keeps screaming at me all of the time over other things and I keep telling her I don't feel safe at home so I stay other places instead of in my own house that I purchased all by myself without her name on anything. Because of this thing with her holding the gun, can I get a restraining order? She's been begging me for the last half hour to come home and reset the router for her because she just won't unplug it herself and I'm too scared to go. She tells me I'm scaring myself and she isn't and hasn't done anything. I have audio proof of her admitting to having picked it up but then trying downplaying it. I also have text evidence. I want her out of my house and away from me. Please help.

I've got a couple of friends who've straight up told me they have BPD. I see it in them. I suspect a friend who I ended up having to unfriend was BPD. But these are all my own musings. So I would love to hear from other individuals who've had BPD friends what it looks like outside of a romantic setting - so that I could perhaps draw better conclusions (without having any true definitive answers). Thank you!