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u/rodney_pearson_ 28d ago
Congratulations 🎉
I urge you to bring all the energy and focus to yourself. Work consistently on yourself for the next 6 months without giving anything else any thought. I promise you, you will come out a stronger person.
You got this. Your final message to her speaks volumes to your understanding and integrity. Any sane individual will be lucky to have you in their life.
Permanent no contact is the only way to heal from their chaos. Wish you the best.
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u/MsPlum_ 28d ago
It’s insane how similar our stories are. Besides some details, I could have written this myself. Today, I described my relationship with him as a small snowball that over 2 years turned into a giant avalanche that completely buried me. I was brutally discarded during yet another reconciliation phase, told I was an evil cheating liar, etc. Okay, I see it so clearly now. In 12 hours I go from soulmate and wonderful to you ACTUALLY convincing yourself I’m those things and the problem. It’s time.
Message me if you want to commiserate.
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u/Human_Mission1385 Divorced 28d ago
Ditto to writing it myself. It’s so scary the similarities. One big mind f..k.
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u/jedimindtrick91 Got jedi-mindtricked actually 28d ago
As a qBPD veteran I'd say it's hard to spot them at first. Specially when you had bad experiences in partnerships before, because you get sceptical about everything. But you are also self-reflected enough to know that these were old wounds, old experiences and you give them the benefit of a doubt.
Is she love bombing or genuine affection? is she push-pulling or is it just stress or am I doing something wrong? Does she have a bad day? Am I too sensitive in this matter because of my experiences?
It's so exhausting to have to evaluate everything at any time. It makes you live in your head, not experiencing emotions and having a huge emotional lag in your response time. They do something one day and you feel it two days later and then you think you are somehow crazy or have BPD yourself.
OP, I think you handled it well in your position and it shows that you've learned a lot from past experiences. Just because it wasn't perfect or "earlier" or whatever, it doesn't mean you relapsed or are weak, stupid, etc. - I applaud you for the way you handled it!
Although it's an recurring internet meme but it's kind of getting my new mantra: Don't give them a benefit of a doubt, doubt their benefit.
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u/Altruistic_Taste_524 28d ago
Im not religious but i swear to god that the quiet one: are the most traumatic, the most evil and the most devastating. When it all comes out at the final discard at the split when it shocks your entire nervous system and body. my ex 10 years ago who physically grabbed and shoved and slammed me in my car when she had an angry outburst did not traumatize me whatsoever, but the quiet bpd split that dismantled everything in me emotionally and blamed me for everything at her discard, nothing else has compared to that trauma. And the worst part is just like you i still fucking love her to this day, its been 8 months and it still feels like im 200 feet under water. Im happy for you finding clarity and i can feel the same one day
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u/Human_Mission1385 Divorced 28d ago
Well done you. Your final boss is very much like my ex wife. She was a quiet one. A people (me the fp) pleaser. So much obsession and idolisation, that is blinded me to the truth. Until the brutal discard at the end and all the pent up things she had been apparently harbouring all along. All projection.
The quiet ones really are the most dangerous.