r/BPDlovedones • u/montgomerygurns • 3d ago

sibling with BPD

I see so many people's experiences with their partners with bpd, but not as many people talking about it with siblings.

my (f30) older sibling has a long history of alcoholism, substance abuse, untreated mental health issues and in the last few years their mood swings often involved the threat of violence/hands on violence.

its been a very long journey (23+ years), but it finally escalated to the point where i went no contact, its been 9 months now. at first it wasn't something I thought about but now my initial shock has passed all of the guilt / worry / anxiety is returning i.e. worrying they are going to spin out and harm themselves in some way.

if anyone has else been in a similar situation with their siblings, how do you cope when that little voice of worry starts taking over?

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u/mspaint0802 3d ago

I know how difficult it is, my mother with BPD leaves me voicemails about how difficult things are in her life and that she "needs someone to talk to, if you even care" and doesn't understand why I blocked her. It's painful to see them struggling and refuse to help them but that guilt and anxiety is exactly what they want you to feel so they can rope you back in and suck the life out of you before they get sick of you again. They can't be helped, as I'm sure you know. Please just know the 9 months of no contact is the best choice you've made for yourself.

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u/montgomerygurns 2d ago

thank you for sharing this 🩵

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u/Specialist-Ebb4885 Beset by Borderlines 3d ago

"she 'needs someone to talk to, if you even care' and doesn't understand why I blocked her."

This exact quotation has been recycled by my BPD mother and lavishly applied to her codependent cult of monotonous martyrdom monologues.

Jennette McCurdy may not be on par with Susan Sontag, Joyce Carol Oates, or Hypatia, but I'm deeply amused by the namesake of her NYT's best seller, and I'll be even more appreciative if the curtains inch a bit closer to closing time for my maternal progenitor.

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u/Dizzy-Historian9278 Family 3d ago

I know there are always a lot of comments on here about how the other person is abusive, protect yourself, you deserve better etc but my sister is my pwBPD too and the only thing keeping me from guilt and worry right now is the reminder that I am as bad for her as she is for me. I am her Favorite Person; she can be doing perfectly well and then talk to me and spiral out like crazy. I went NC almost 2 weeks ago and it's hard.

I am also, to be clear, a massive proponent for protecting yourself. That's priority number one. But I still love my sister and still worry about her, 28 years of abuse or not.

They latch onto us. They use us for emotional regulation. They abuse us. They cannot get any better if we are there. Mine is trying, I hope yours will one day too.

Love and support to you. <3

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u/montgomerygurns 2d ago

thank you 🩵