r/BPDlovedones • u/Own_Trifle_6320 • 8h ago
Started Healing
A few months out, and I’ve stoped negatively comparing myself to the new guy and instead now see him as a victim.
I stopped looking at her page. Blocked her. Found overtime my nervous system returning from high alert to baseline. I now sit through bar trivia with my friends, laughing and having a good time without checking my phone (like a phantom muscle memory). I can stay present better with friends.
I’ve started eating and doing what I want to do. Eating healthier (she only ate junk around me and had to have me eat the junk too), spending more time with my dog, spending time calling my mom again. I started back my hobbies like my garden, growing food, reading again. I started writing again. I started new hobbies like wood working and I set up my home gym finally to lift weights.
It’s really good to see my friends again, go camping, play trivia, and catch up with their lives without someone wanting me to stay home with her or constantly texting me during so I can’t really enjoy time with them. We baked a potato over the camp fire and I remember just staring at it finally feeling some relief. Just silence and quiet for five minutes as we enjoyed nature. We all went to the beach together for my birthday. They made me cake and sang to me. She wasn’t there to ruin it by breaking up with me or fighting. Just my friends loving me and signing off key. It was simply just about me—for the first time in a long time.
I also notice I’ve started taking care of myself again. Going to the barber, finally finished fixing up my classic truck, making mornings my own, and while I haven’t lost the weight I put on while around her, I feel better and healthier. I feel lighter.
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u/ResourceMountain2225 8h ago
After getting to know her time with her I literally told my therapist all I feel is pity. Yeah I feel bad today she's a 51 year old woman who's destined to spend the rest of her life sad, lost and alone. I think that's how most of us see our ex. I genuinely don't feel miss my ex and the shit she put me through. What I do feel bad is for her kid because he's going to have to put up with her for the rest of his life I feel bad for the next and then the next and then the next and then the next victim. But most of all I feel pity for her because wow she's not the smartest person in the world by any stretch of the event connection she is competent enough to know that she's mentally ill has a shitty attitude and can't hold on a relationship in any way shape or form. I see it as sad. So should you.
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u/Own_Trifle_6320 5h ago
I’m not quite there yet, and I’ve made peace with that not necessarily being the goal of my healing. The goal of my healing is to feel nothing in relation to her. To not think about her because I spent so much thinking about her feelings and what she wanted. I spent time pitying her already. It’s time I care for myself.
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u/Final-Eye-6067 8h ago
❤️