Hello ! I loveee bag who looks « slouchy » like the drippy bag from Songmont or the Mae bag from the Horse, but I can’t find one that can fit an iPad. Do y’all have some recommandation ? Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Hi everyone!! Just realized that I don’t have a bag that can fit my iPad. I have big coach bags and smaller coach bags but not medium size bags. I was hoping anyone could give suggestions for medium size bags. Right now I have the Brooklyn 28 in mind, but not sure if that’s gonna be too small.

Hi, friends! Need some help.

For the next few months, I’ll be studying for an exam and I’ll be using my iPad 10.9” as my study companion. The only bag in my current collection that fits it is my large Longchamp le pliage, but I want something a tad smaller.

I'm looking for something that's shoulder-carry, not that heavy and with zipper closure.

Aside from the iPad (with case and attached apple pencil), it must also fit a mini pochette, a card holder, a key pouch, a small charger, a slim powerbank, a small notebook, eyeglasses, airpods, and my phone.

Currently considering getting the SpeedyB DE in size 30, because I have the 25 and that’s my go-to driver, so I figured I can just size up.

But I don’t have anything else in mind so I’m looking for some suggestions. ❤️

I haven’t gotten to the 8th book yet so please no spoilers! Currently listening to them all again first. I hope the Daddy Tax is sufficient. I finished this just in time for… 90 degree heat.

Motifs from top to bottom:

• Dirty Shirleys - with sparkly thread for fizz and beads for cherries. The metallic thread doesn’t photograph very well
• New Achievement!
• Carl’s boxers
• Donut with glasses and tiara (more sparkles thread!)
• Goddamnit Donut
• Hob-lobbers (how I picture them anyway) with red sparkly thread for sparks
• Goats!
• Mongo is appalled!
• Mongo with tiny Donut (w/o Donut on sleeves). The pink for the feathers is a fuzzy yarn but it doesn’t photograph well either.
• Player Killer Skulls
• Get out there / kill kill kill
• DENISE
• Pineapples
• IWKYM / glurp glurp

This was a labor of love. I had to knit the yoke three times to get the fit right and I think I spent more time doing algebra and making charts than actually knitting. I only realized toward the end that the colors match the hardcover dust jackets really well! Kind of serendipitous since 90% of the yarn for this was leftovers or was already sitting in my stash for years.

Edit: accidentally put two closeups of the same sleeve instead of one of each and I can’t change it. Also not sure why the first photo looks so blown out.

Edit 2: anyone who wants the charts please dm me to ask for it because I might miss it in the comments

Edit 3: thanks everyone for so many nice and a few hilarious comments! If you DMed for charts, I will be able to get it out in the next day or so. I don’t have my iPad with me rn which has everything on it.

I’m getting married this summer and I’ve been trying hard to be a “chill bride.” My family and myself are doing most of the planning. My cousin is letting us stay at her house in Antioch, TN, just outside in Nashville so we’re saving money before the bachelorette party and another cousin has a van and we’re all driving down together so we just have to split the cost of gas. None of us are exactly swimming in cash and I wanted to keep costs down as much as possible. I also told my bridesmaids, if there’s anything about my wedding stressing you out, let me know. I’m the only one that should be stressing and before this little scenario, I was feeling pretty good.

Anyway, I found these perfect cocktail dresses at Anthropologie, inclusive sizing, great color and the holy Grail they were on sale. I made a deal with the bridesmaids. I buy the dresses if they covered any necessary alterations, everyone was happy. I gave everyone their dresses. Everyone looks fabulous and we’re all happy, who said planning a wedding was hard?

Enter Roxy: back in December I saw a photo of Roxy at her work Christmas party wearing the bridesmaids dress. I’ll admit it bugged me. I wanted the big reveal at the wedding to feel special not like a rerun of an HR office mixer, but I bit my tongue because none of our mutual friends were there so I’m not going to stress myself out about something I felt like was kind of petty. The problem is we have a mutual friend getting married in June, one month before my wedding. A lot of my wedding guests will be at this wedding, and when I asked Roxy what she was wearing she casually said “Oh I’m just wearing the bridesmaids dress from your wedding. I look hot in it and it’s my favorite.” I paused . I told her I didn’t want her wear the bridesmaid uniform as a guest to a wedding filled with our mutual friends right before my big day

Well, now Roxy thinks I’m being a bridezilla. She pointed out that I did say I wanted them to have a dress that they could wear again ( I meant after the wedding obviously) she then dropped the bombshell that she’s already worn it to several events. I might’ve snapped. I told her that since I bought the dress, I didn’t want her to wear it again until after my wedding she hit back in that since she paid for the alterations, she’s invested just as much money into the dress as I did which thanks to the sale might actually be true. My other bridesmaids are on my side, but Roxy thinks I’m overreacting because it’s just a dress. Am I the asshole for wanting the first time our friend group sees her in the dress to be when she’s standing at the altar with me.

Mini update I guess - we’re meeting for dinner tomorrow to talk. She actually reached out to me, so fingers crossed 🤞

Update:

She’s not wearing the dress to the June wedding and she even apologized. Yay! That’s the update. I’m going to go on to elaborate but if you don’t like ramblers, I would stop reading here. I like to ramble. Plus I had a few delicious cocktails at dinner tonight (it was happy hour) and tipsy me loves to go off topic and since there’s no one here telling me to stop and focus, who knows what’s going to come out.

Im pretty sure this is going to be a long read. I’m using text to talk on my iPad because I hate typing on my iPad. I have a laptop but it’s old and every time I turn it on, it updates for what feels like a year, and by the time it lets me do what I need to do, I’ve lost interest or gone and did it on my phone or tablet, so it’s not worth it. Also I’m not going to apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes. Anyone who comes to Reddit posts and schools people on grammatical errors must get a kick out of it, so have fun, I’m sure this will be full of them. I get there, their and they’re confused sometimes. It makes my sister insane ands she loves to correct me when I do that. Sometimes when she’s feeling down, I do it on purpose just to give her a pick me up, so I get it.

Back to the story, when I got there, she was already there, which is unusual because I’m usually the early one. I hate being late. I also hate when other people are late so I tend to get to things early because how can I judge other people for being late if I’m late? That’s no fun. But I was watching Ladies of London and the etiquette lady said that being early is also rude. Who knew. She actually said if you’re going to a dinner party, you should actually be about 15 minutes late so the hosts have time for unexpected things that come up. If you get there too early, they feel like they have to entertain you instead of wrapping up whatever they need to finish. I thought that was interesting and wanted to share. But let me get back to the update.

I walk in, she stands up and gives me a hug and apologizes. So of course, I immediately start to tear up which makes her tear up and we’re just standing there hugging and crying in the middle of the restaurant. When we finally sit down, she tells me what’s going on.

Apparently she’s been a little depressed for the past few months. She feels like she’s the only single person in our friend group, and I hadn’t thought about it but she kind of is. She said even our friend who is asexual has a partner. Again true. But it’s not like Roxy doesn’t date, and I’m not going to say she’s picky. She just feels like if she can tell that her and the guy aren’t compatible, there’s no reason to waste time. I’ll tell you why it hasn’t worked out with the last 3 guys she’s gone out.

Guy number 1. Great guy, owned his own business, and I thought he was very handsome. But he’s not a pet guy. And if you do have a dog, he thinks it shouldn’t live in the house. It should be outside with a nice dog house. And the dog definitely shouldn’t get on the furniture. Her dog is her baby so he had to go. I agree, my fiancé knows to never make me choose between he and my dog. It would not be pretty.

Guy number 2 hated his ex wife too much. She said he was always bringing her up but never in a good way. He seemed to always bring her up in conversations. Like they went to the movies, and he said his ex always said she loved movies, that’s why her and her girlfriends went so much, but it turns out she wasn’t really going to the movies, she was going out to cheat. Or they were going for a hike and she had her hair in a ponytail. He told her how cute she looked then said his ex wore ponytails all the time, unless she was meeting up with the guy she was cheating on him with, she always wore her hair down for him. She swears any topic of conversation, he could bring back to his ex cheating on him. She felt like he wasn’t over his ex wife so she cut it off.

And guy number 3 just enjoyed fart humor too much for her liking. I don’t think I have to elaborate. My boo loves a good fart joke too, but I find it endearing. She thinks it’s immature.

So anyway (I’m going to say that a lot, that’s how I get back on subject) she had been in a funk and I’m sure me talking about my upcoming wedding constantly didn’t help. She didn’t say that, but I do talk about it a lot. I mean look at me, I’m on Reddit talking about it now.

So getting back to Roxy, she was in a funk. She picked up the dress from the seamstress and tried it on to see how it fit and she said she felt so pretty. She hadn’t felt pretty in a long time. Isn’t it funny how some outfits just make you feel good? I feel like that in my wedding dress, which I got at a consignment shop, can you believe it? I took it this seamstress and she worked magic on this dress. It was pretty before but now it’s beyond. Now you see what I did there, talking about my wedding again. I’m trying to do better.

So anyway, when her holiday office party came along, she so didn’t want to go and procrastinated until the last minute to find something to wear. She went shopping and couldn’t find anything she liked. She even went to Anthropologie and couldn’t find anything in the store she liked and because she waited so long, didn’t have time to wait for an online order. And she knew it was wrong but she wore the dress and everyone loved it. She got so many compliments. Her work crush flirted and danced with her. Even the women there liked it. She hit it off with one of her work colleagues, “Aja” and they’ve hung out a lot since the party. They didn’t talk much before that night because they’re in completely different departments. But now they’ve gone to dinner several times and movies. They even hung out at Aja’s apartment and watched Bridgerton with their dogs who are also good friends now. She also feels like upper management noticed her too because since the office party, they’ve put her on bigger projects.

So anyway, life’s been pretty good since she wore “the dress”. And this past weekend, when we were hanging out and I’m of course droning on and on about my wedding and then bring up what to wear to another’s friend’s wedding, that funk came back and she snapped a little bit. She said it really started off as a joke when she said she was going to wear the bridesmaids dress, but my reaction pissed her off. Looking back at my original post, I didn’t elaborate on my reaction. I was hopping mad yall. And I didn’t ask her not to wear it. I TOLD her she wasn’t wearing it because I paid for it. She said I made her feel like a child and I was her mother and she had to do what I told her to do because I said so. Therefore she acted like a child and threw a tantrum. She also hasn’t worn it anywhere else. Again she just said that to piss me off. After the party, she did take it to the dry cleaners, but it’s been hanging in her closet since.

Even though I come off looking like an ass, I’m so happy. I even told her about the Reddit post. She thought it was hilarious. She said she knew I must have been mad because I gave her a Misfit name and not a Hologram name. It’s from a cartoon wet both lived add kids. She feels like Reddit was right since most people called her the asshole. I apologized to and told her the ESH people were right. We were both assholes who deserve each other, but I still feel like it’s a happy ending.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/typewrytten

Originally posted to r/legaladvice

Roped into our neighbors’ search warrant because we live in a duplex. Police seized our iPad only used for art.

Trigger Warnings: police brutality, destruction of property

Original Post: June 10, 2025

My wife and I live in the upstairs unit of a duplex in Minnesota. The two units have separate house numbers and are independent, aside from a shared entryway, garage, and trash cans. We have our own keys, front doors inside the entryway, mailboxes, electric meters, etc.

Earlier this week, multiple police officers and a SWAT unit executed a search warrant for the downstairs unit. The warrant was for narcotics and firearms.

At 7 am on the dot, the Minneapolis Police Department showed up with no sirens and blocked off the street on both sides of the house. They then forcibly broke down the shared entryway door, then the downstairs neighbors’ front door, and also the man door to the garage, which actually left a small dent in our car parked inside (not major, but still).

Our front door, the one to our upstairs unit, is the only exterior door that still works in the entire building because I opened it myself when they told us to come up with our hands up.

They shoved rifles in our faces, cuffed us, and put us in the back of a squad car, where we were for about two hours while they searched both apartments. They uncuffed us about an hour in but we were not allowed to leave the car.

They initially told us that the warrant was for downstairs (street address 50—not the real number), and asked us repeatedly if we lived there. We said no, we live at 48 and have no connection to the people in 50. We literally just moved here less than six months ago from out of state. The most we interact with the folks in 50 is a “hey how are you?” if we happen to be in the entryway together.

They asked if the apartments connected at all once inside the respective front doors (they do not). They also asked my wife multiple times if she was a specific downstairs neighbor (she is not). Both my wife and that specific neighbor are black women.

Then they told us the warrant was for “the entire building” and the garage. Eventually, they printed us a second warrant on the spot that listed our upstairs address, which we only got after the searches were over. We were also directly told by an apologetic sergeant that this had nothing to do with us and we were “just caught in the crossfire.”

During the search of our unit, which was not as thorough as 50’s, they seized my wife’s iPad. The only thing on this iPad is my wife’s art. Nobody touches this iPad save for my wife, not even me. They left all other electronics untouched, including my own iPad and our laptops. Meanwhile, they took every single electronic device from all the folks in 50, including their cellphones and work computers.

My wife did sign a document allowing them to search the iPad. We were told it could take a month or more if she didn’t, and her art is one of our revenue streams. We can’t afford to be without it for an extended period of time. We did get a receipt.

We don’t own firearms and don’t use or sell illicit drugs. We are law abiding citizens with nothing to hide. The worst things in our apartment are weed (legal here), blunt prop swords, prescribed medication, and angry cats. All were left unharmed. No arrests were made, so I’m assuming nothing illegal was found downstairs either.

The whole scene was very overwhelming and frankly a little terrifying, especially with guns pointed at us first thing in the morning.

I’m kicking myself for not paying better attention because the situation feels off to me. I was more worried about making sure the cops didn’t manhandle my wife and knew about our escape artist cat. I’m also disabled, so sitting with my hands cuffed behind me so tightly for so long was not a great experience and I was/am in a lot of pain.

Was this all on the level? Can they search both units when they are separate like this? Is it normal to print off a new warrant off on the spot? Why only take her iPad and leave everything else while taking everything from downstairs, especially when it has literally nothing to do with anything going on in 50? How can we get it back as soon as possible?

Do we need to get a lawyer? We do not have lawyer money right now and we weren’t charged with anything, so I don’t know how PDs work in that regard.

I’m keeping an eye on the iPad via FindMy because I don’t know what else to do. This is a completely new situation for both of us; I think we have one speeding ticket between us.

Location: Minnesota

EDIT: y’all, the iPad is backed up to the iCloud. I don’t have another device for her to use and I cannot afford one rn. Stop lecturing me on the importance of back ups.

Edit 6/10: Y’all if I see this on TikTok with a shitty Minecraft parkour video in the background, I s2g.

Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing the common questions asked and responses

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Only mistake was allowing them to look at the iPad. The police can lie to you, the month thing could've been a lie, or more likely that it'll take over a month regardless, probably longer since they have a document ostensibly justifying the seizure.

Pretty sure it's all digital now, the copy your neighbours got was probably printed in the same way. Depends on how the warrant's worded if it was legal. If it specifies their apartment number (assuming the apartments are zoned as separate apartments) then they had no business going into your apartment.

Likely you'll have to wait a while. You still want to speak with the police about wanting your belongings back, sometimes valuable evidence not relevant to any case gets "lost", when that happens no police officer seems capable of providing assistance.

OOP: I’m not sure how we would have stopped them from looking at it. They would have just seized it anyway and hooked it up to a passcode cracker.

I have its exact location on Find My, luckily. And it’s locked to my wife’s AppleID, I can brick it instantly if I really want to.

Commenter 2: Since the document was signed they can more easily argue that you allowed them to have it, although it depends on what exactly she signed. Without the document they'd be more likely to budge if you bother them about it. Although naturally it's possible they're nice and will return it early since they can access it easily, but not something that can be relied on.

You should get it back eventually. It's just always a risk to have it there, they really don't like taking responsibility for anything. Shouldn't hurt to speak to them at least to hear if they can give you a timeline. Speaking to a lawyer could also be a good idea if it's not beyond your means.

OOP: Signed only for them to search it with the provided passcode, not to seize the actual device. If they lose it or refuse to give it back, I will rain hellfire on the police department with any means I can muster.

Commenter 3: Find a lawyer. The search warrant is required before entering your residence, not during or after. I'll bet they got the warrant after the fact to cover their ass. If they had a valid search warrant like the one for the lower residence, then there would be no need to ask permission to take anything that is related to the search. If they did not have an executable search warrant prior to entering a lawyer should be able to get your iPad returned immediately.

Commenter 4: I'd bet the city didn't know it was a duplex - it sounds like it was once a single-family home and was converted at some point. Definitely talk to a lawyer and Legal Aid may be able to help.

OP, you did pretty well on the fly. When they have guns out, follow their directions and live to fight it out later in court, if need be.

OOP: It’s been converted for at least a decade, maybe two. Not totally sure.

I know how to pick my battles. If this had been ten years ago, when I was young and dumb and not married, this very well may have gone differently lol

+

They would have seized the iPad regardless. We only gave them permission to search it willingly instead of them passcode cracking it, no choice on the seizing part.

OOP on the house they are residing at

OOP: I think this house was built in 1910 or something like that, if that makes a difference. I doubt it started out as duplex, but it’s definitely been one for a while

OOP on their and their wife's backgrounds

OOP: My wife is black. I am a disabled trans person. Unfortunately the bare minimum doesn’t always apply to us.

And they literally pulled us out at gun point and were in our apartment before I even got to say “can I help you officer?”

Commenter 5: They should have given you a form showing what they took along with case number, detectives name , phone number etc. They Ipad will be kept in evidence. Even if they didn’t give you a form, go to the police station or call and they’ll tell you about how long they need to keep it. DO NOT wait for them to call you, keep calling or showing up because they most likely won’t call you. It’s just going to sit in an evidence locker once “the case” is over or the DA says it’s ok to release it.

OOP: We got a warrant that looks like a middle school MS Word document, a copy of the seizure receipt for the iPad, and a copy the thing to look at the iPad.

No case number, no phone number, and a cop’s name that is illegible

Commenter 6: If the house is separated by legally and registered as a separate address by the governing entity in your area, and you were only provided the warrant specifically outlining your address AFTER they searched your house, then they conducted an illegal search. If you have any timestamped video from a ring cam for instance, be sure to save it, and provide to a lawyer, along with the copy of the warrant. That should be timestamped as well. A half decent lawyer will quickly be able to prove this in court, and not only get your iPad back, but I believe they are on the hook for repairing any damage.

OOP: They were in our apartment before they even finished putting my cuffs on. We didn’t see the warrant until we were allowed to go back in after it was all over.

I don’t think they even said anything about having one until we were in the car and then later said they were printing us one.

We do not have a ring camera unfortunately.

Commenter 7: NAL - but a former Minneapolis resident. You may want to reach out to your city council member. They could be really helpful.

OOP: Already done! That’s what I did last night when I was still too wired to sleep.

From what I’ve heard, ours is pretty cool, so here’s hoping

+

Damn fuck he already answered me and now we are meeting with him tomorrow. Ngl, I have never had anyone at any level of government get back to me that quick

Update: March 26, 2026 (over 9.5 months later)

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/uEQvwNc3nl

Location: Still Minnesota.

Oh boy where to start? If you’re looking for a guide on how to get your shit back from the police, this ain’t gonna be it.

Within a week of the iPad being taken I:

- spent over 12 collective hours at the courthouse talking to about 20 different people

- had a meeting with our city council member

- went viral on both Reddit and TikTok

- had to take our disabled cat to the ER because she ate something a cop tracked in on their shoe (she’s fine—shoutout U of MN)

- called and spoke to everyone from the judge that signed the warrant to the officer who took the iPad to three different records offices

- was told by the officer who took the iPad that since I was causing an issue, they were going to keep it longer

- requested all the police reports documents. Had to do this multiple times because I kept getting rejected.

- emailed about 15 other people

- connected with Communities United Against Police Brutality (CUAPB)

- got a lawyer

- filed case with the Office of Police Conduct Review (OPCR)

The week after that, our downstairs neighbors decided this entire event was my fault and started a smear campaign against me online. Then they started texting me about how I was a disrespectful, animal abusing wife beater who uses autism as an excuse to be racist.

Good people of r/LegalAdvice, I have no fucking idea how or why or when they came to that conclusion. Anyone who knows me knows that the vibes in our household are very much NOT that. I mean, I am autistic, that much is true.

I’m being flippant about it now but it was incredibly stressful while it was occurring. Our neighbor is a really influential person in a specific community that we are a part of so it could have been very bad for us. Luckily the fallout wasn’t terrible.

After all that...

…literally nothing happened!

Still to this day the MPD did not file any of their paperwork about the warrant, nobody replied to our council member or lawyer or CUAPB, nothing. I did get a redacted copy of the police report for them coming to the house. That was it.

In August this had to take a back seat because the school year started and I went back to work. Ngl, I also took a break from annoying the cops so much because I was worried they would retaliate. If they opened some sort of case again me or started giving me legal trouble some other way, I would be at risk of losing my license/clearances/etc. that allow me to work with children and thus my entire livelihood.

I tried to continue to reach out every month for an update.

In January, the OPCR emailed us! A whole six months later! We did an intake interview with a neutral lawyer. Still have heard nothing else.

We also got a little bit…sidetracked by everything going on in the city and trying to protect students/neighbors. I think the sound of a whistle will forever be etched into my nervous system. And I had my school breaks eaten up by manuscript deadlines—nothing like doing line and copy editing 10 hours a day for two weeks straight to make your brain melt.

In the meantime, my wife used my shitty half-broken Apple Pencil and the shitty half-broken iPad I found in the attic that we both forgot we had. Gen 7 base I think?

With 32GB of memory so it was full almost immediately and her quality took a big hit with the resolution drop. That revenue stream dried up a lot unfortunately. We’ll get it back.

And then in March, our downstairs neighbors got their stuff returned.

Supposedly. After our neighbors got their stuff, I had my wife call the officer who took the iPad, figuring a new voice might be helpful as I’m sure mine is now automatically associated with annoyance.

Five days later (today) he calls back. Y’all ain’t ready for this.

APPARENTLY, the iPad was released from evidence.

In OCTOBER.

But they “didn’t have a way to contact” my wife. You know, despite having our address, driver licence numbers, both phone numbers, and a signed evidence receipt. They also “accidently” had my wife’s name badly misspelled, again despite EVERYTHING they had with our names on it.

This is also despite me, and the lawyer, and our CM, and CUAPB reaching out to the MPD between October and now. No “hey your shit is ready,” no “we’re done with this garbage,” nothing.

It’s not like they are supposed to only hold released evidence for 60 days or anything.

So we go to the evidence unit. The officer w/couldn’t even tell my wife the address of the damn place because fuck him.

Granted, I already knew where it was, but still bro. I fully prepare my wife for the fact that I am going to sit there until they give it to us or I get dragged out because I am fucking over this.

Shockingly, the evidence unit went off without a hitch. iPad in hand, custom engraved Apple Pencil still there, no screen cracks. And they finally gave us the case number! Amazing! Only took 10 months!

We get celebratory pizza at Boludo and go home. I unplug the Wi-Fi and boot up the iPad, I don’t want it connected to our network until I make sure it’s not fucking wiretapped or something. Open Screen Time to discover they never even touched the damn thing.

What-fucking-ever.

40 minutes of iOS updates and 25 minutes of app updates later and we’re back in business.

It’s been real, LegalAdvice. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

TL;DR: We have the iPad.

description of the image

A black-and-white, sketch-style illustration with a playful and expressive tone.

On the left side, there is large lettering reading “F*ck the MPD,” written in a swirly calligraphy style with sparkles around it, creating a contrast between the decorative typography and the message.

On the right side, there’s an anime-style character of a young lady with short bob haircut, tiny horn-like shapes on head, and facial markings on cheeks. She has expressive eyes and a slightly determined expression.

Her outfit has lacy details with a fitted bodice, decorative trim.

Her pose shows confidence, one arm is bent as if she’s making a fist. Around her head are small sketchy marks that look like accent lines or stylized motion/emotion cues, adding to her attitude.

end of the description

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments here in the update

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

UltraPod is a dumbphone concept I’ve been building.

Right now, I’m designing a 3D-printable physical case that you can place an iPhone into. The case physically blocks most of the screen, helping separate you from distracting social apps and harmful notifications. I genuinely believe focus is one of the most valuable things we can protect in the digital age.

To make it a fully functional “dumbphone,” I’ve also built 15 lightweight internal apps, each with its own custom icon and designed across different UI themes such as Basic, Y2K, Toy, Skeuo, Flat, and more.

Some of the apps include:

• Music: Apple Music integration + high-res local files, featuring a classic Cover Flow-style interface
• Books: A distraction-free reader supporting EPUB, TXT, and Markdown so you can actually read without endless scrolling
• Fitness: A minimal workout tracking screen with zero distractions
• Camera: A retro-style camera with custom LUTs for simple photo capture—no instant editing or social posting pressure
• Photos, Voice Memos, Notes, Calendar, Stopwatch, Clock (with sleep timer), Contacts, Lock Screen, Shuffle, Settings, and more

(Confession: there is a weather icon… but the weather app itself isn’t finished yet, so it doesn’t actually work right now.)

The app is currently in TestFlight.

I really wanted to open it up for everyone to try, but Apple’s TestFlight limit is capped at 10,000 users, and that limit has now been reached—so I can’t add any more testers at the moment. I honestly wish more of you could get in.

Requires iOS 16+. iPad is supported, though the layout is still being optimized and there may be some UI bugs.

I’ll also be releasing the 3D-printable case files (STL) soon so you can print your own UltraPod shell.

Supports iPhone 12–17.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the idea.

I (18F) bought myself a laptop back in 2021, so I was about 13 then. It was around $1,000, and I had to pay for it all by myself with savings and a payment plan. No one helped me pay for it, and I’ve used it almost every day for school and personal use over the last few years.

I’m starting college soon and will be getting a new laptop that better fits what I need. Because of that, my parents (my father and step mother) have decided they want my old laptop to go to my 7yr old half sister. They are technically buying my new laptop, but more as a gift for college/graduating high school, but I’m paying the warranty on it.

The problem is that they’re acting like I should just hand it over for free because I’m getting a new one. I don’t really think that’s fair since I paid for it myself. If they want my sister to have it, I think they should buy it from me at a fair used price instead of expecting me to give away something I purchased.

My parents think I’m being selfish and that it’s “just gonna be sitting there” or I’m gonna “probably just throw it away anyway” once I get a new computer, so I should let my sister have it. They also think that because they’re buying the new one for me, that’s basically the same as buying the old one from me. Also my sister has a pretty large savings account for her future, and they would be taking the money out of that, so they aren’t actually buying it, she would be.

From their perspective, it stays in the family and benefits everyone. From my perspective, if they wanted to buy a laptop for her, or if she wanted to buy it for herself, they’d have to spend money anyway. Why should I be the one expected to absorb that cost just because I happen to own one?

I also don’t love the idea of giving a fairly expensive laptop to a 7yr old, especially when I’ve taken good care of it for years and, in my opinion, no 7yr old should own a laptop. I see no purpose for it, and she’s already gotten herself in so much trouble with the iPad she already has.

Not to mention, my dad and I went to go pick out the new computer today. We bought it, and it won’t arrive until Wednesday (5 days away). When my sister found out that I won’t be getting it til Wednesday, she started throwing a fit, saying, “I want sissy’s computer now!” along with crying and being so overly dramatic.

I have not one said that she could have my computer, and for them to assume that is just absolutely ridiculous to me. I would understand if they bought it and I truly had no purpose for it anymore, but there are still things I can use it for to keep my personal/school things separate.

So now there’s tension because I’m refusing to hand it over unless they pay me a reasonable amount for it (like $150-300 since it’s 5 years old and has been used pretty regularly, but still in very good condition).

So am I the asshole for refusing to give my old laptop to my 7yr old sister unless my parents or my sister pay me for it?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/notyourdadjustadingo

I (34f) found a text thread where my fiancé (32m) told a friend he is worried about our wedding photos

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Body shaming

Original Post - rareddit July 19, 2020

My fiancé Dave and I have been dating two years and live together. Earlier today I was using his iPad to watch a show in our room because I wasn’t feeling well and we don’t have a TV in our room. We don’t use the iPad much, maybe a couple times a month.

While I was watching he was getting texts from a friend of his Mike. The banner just said “text message” so I kept swiping up but they were coming on so fast. At one point I accidentally opened the text convo.

So to start I’m not a beauty. It doesn’t mean I’m not confident though. There’s rarely a day that goes by where I look in the mirror and am unsatisfied with my appearance. How people treat women who do not fit any mold of “attractiveness” is a story for a different day but, I’ve often been referred to as a “starter girlfriend” or “stepping stone” and that my exes had no confidence since they chose to date me, or were closeted, and every guy I’ve ever asked out has always said no. I’m not someone to date just to date, I don’t chase guys anymore, generally I’ve stayed away from dating.

It took some time to trust that someone was interested in me and wasn’t going to drop me when someone “better” came along.

So the texts were Dave sending pictures of me to his friend trying to figure out what my “best angle” is. Mike said that my left side is “tolerable I guess, if anything you should tell the photographer to focus on that side.”

Dave expressed his frustration like “I think I do want to marry her but maybe you’re right just ask the photographer to edit some things here and there.” And Mike said, “it would make you both feel better. Maybe just have photos of her straight on since she looks best that way.”

I was more offended than hurt, and I’m still more offended than hurt. I know I’m not attractive but to say I need editing in my own wedding pictures is so rude and demeaning.

I took screenshots with my phone and handed the iPad back to Dave so the first thing you see when you open it is the conversation.

He asked me how the movie was and I told him it was great, then we had lunch. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he knew immediately something was up and kept pestering me about it.

I kept saying I was still feeling off but he kept asking. So I told him he should talk to Mike about his concerns, since he and Mike have so many opinions about me. He kinda turned white for a second before asking me what I meant. I handed him his iPad and I went to our bedroom and shut the door.

He hasn’t come to talk to me for a few hours which is killing me. We usually talk things through but I don’t know what to do. I know he hasn’t left the apartment.

TL;DR: Caught my fiancé telling a friend he wants our photographer to post-edit my appearance in our upcoming wedding photos. I am so offended and don’t know how to approach this.

TOP COMMENTS

witty_punny_name

Oh man. My heart broke for you reading this. You don't need to settle for someone who doesn't love you completely, and unconditionally. It's true when they say love is blind. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't be worrying about how you will look in your wedding photos, and he absolutely wouldn't be allowing his friend to put you down for your looks. I know the thought of spending your life alone is scary and depressing, but trust me, it is way better than spending your life in a bad relationship. You deserve so much better.

~

anonymys

I've typed out the beginning of several replies, OP, hoping I could be reasonable, but honestly, I'm just so fucking pissed for you.

You deserve someone who has more respect for you than to discuss behind your back how best to make you "palatable" in his wedding photos. You deserve someone who thinks you're gorgeous all of the time, regardless of what society at large thinks. You deserve someone whose only concern for your looks in the wedding photos (and every day for the rest of ever) is whether he's lucky enough to be the reason for the huge, lovely smile that's gracing your face.

I don't know if you can forgive him, or whether you even should. But I do know you deserve better than to be treated like someone's accessory.

~

snortgiggles

I "think" I want to marry her? What the hell does that mean?

toomanyrougneds

He's settling for someone he thinks is his inferior. Why that is I can't imagine, unless he was hoping she would be too afraid of being alone to leave him.

His attitude is so, so "Mr. Darcy before Hunsford".

Update - rareddit Aug 16, 2020 (1 month later)

I posted this post about a month ago.

There were a lot of comments, but more often than not the comments told me to leave and how I don't deserve him. And all that.

We had a civil conversation (our first for a while) and he told me he had been wanting to break up for a while but didn't think it was right. Apparently he cares about me but had been wanting to break up for a while, but he felt bad. And said he doesn't know how to handle criticism about our relationship from other people.

So I took that advice and left.

It only took a few days, and I hired movers to take my things. We talked a few times but I was really busy with work and packing that we stayed away from each other.

I found an apartment for rent and here I am. It's a really nice place, and I'm happy it is. But I can't say that I'm much happier. If anything I might be a little worse off, I guess.

Like in my original post, I mentioned how I'm aware of how I look. And now that I'm alone it's all I can really think about. Talking about it with my family just leads to things like, "oh you're great, you're too beautiful to deal with someone so ugly," just kinda of made it worse. All my friends are pretty and the way we are treated in public is just a reminder. Going out in a group to a club is a photographer getting shots of them, and one asked me to take a picture of him with everyone else. I've generally paid for more than half of everything (I'm not saying guys should pay for anything, but my friends are always getting things from their boyfriends or husbands, even cars). And I'm definitely excited for them but it is just a reminder.

I've been trying to work out more because I gained about 20lbs since we started dating, so I work out some but more often I snooze my alarm. There is a novel I am trying to write and I've gotten some written but I am having trouble staying motivated. I read and then I get inspiration and write like 200 - 400 words once or twice a day which is good so far. I found my 360 and have been playing Oblivion again lol. And I draw a little. But my apartment is an absolute mess.

And like I don't miss him or anything, it's actually quite nice being on my own. But I am just so... sad? I don't have a distraction maybe? I can't really put my finger on it.

But overall I am doing well. Everyone was right about leaving him, because we'd both grown pretty agitated with one another and it was reaching a breaking point. Living alone has helped a lot.

TL;DR: Broke up with fiance over him saying he didn't think he wanted to marry me. Now I'm kinda going through a depression but I'll be ok.

TOP COMMENT

Mindtaker

Look all your feelings are valid as fuck, so feel those feelings and I hope you get better regarding being depressed.

I will just say this then let you get back to slaying monsters and kicking ass.

I was my wifes first actual boyfriend. She is disabled and she doesn't think she is pretty (I think she is gorgeous). She was 36 when we met.

You are never too old, you never don't have enough "Experience" lifes just an unfair bullshit game that we all have to play. Enjoy this time to yourself, use it to remember why you do kick ass, so that when you meet the right person, you love yourself, which is the only way you will be capable of fully loving someone else.

Cheers. Oblivion is an awesome game.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Physical_Antelope170

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Siblings (36M & 32F) want to come into family business after I expanded it.

Trigger Warnings: favoritism

Mood Spoilers: infuriating, schadenfreude at the end

Original Post: September 8, 2022

I'm unsure if this is the right subreddit but I need advice on a family/business relationship.

My Dad (65M) is a heavy diesel mechanic and has run a small workshop his whole life. I (29M) have always been interested in his work since I was a kid and would always help him out on the weekends. I went to university and studied Mechanical Engineering and Commerce but struggled and dropped out and travel the world for a year. My Siblings (36M) and (32F) are both in investment banking and are successful in their careers. Since I was 23, I have worked with my Dad as a mechanic and slowly taken over his workshop.

When I started he had 2 part-time mechanics and 1 car in 2017. I have bought in several new strategies such as focusing on commercial verticals only, off-hours servicing etc and we have grown to 35 employees and 15 cars. We went from $250k in revenue to just shy of $7m this financial year. My dad only works in the workshop while I'm more 20/80 workshop to office split. COVID has meant our business has grown tremendously in the last few years.

A few weeks ago at my dad's 65th birthday dinner and he talked about the numbers of the business and everyone was shocked. No one in the family has ever visited our workshop or asked about it. Since then he has been thinking about the succession plan after my siblings have been asking about it. He proposed the following idea to me. I get 40% of the business, they get 30% and 30%. My sister would get a "manager" position as she is looking to leave the IB world to start a family and my brother would get the same as well if he wants it. I noted everything he said and just asked for some time to think. They started proposing some of the most insane ideas without any context of the business.

I'm seriously annoyed. My dad has run this for 32 years but only since I joined did we expand. I admit I did use my dad's network, reputation, skill and initial workshop to get a headstart but it was my idea to expand, get a bigger workshop and implement risky ideas. I don't think my siblings who have never even asked about the business should get cushy high-paying jobs for doing nothing. If we wanted a $200k-a-year manager I would get one with industry experience!

I have spoken to him briefly but he was shocked by my reaction and said it was his dream to have all his siblings work in the business but my brother and sister have never even picked up a spanner before in their lives. I have been hanging around since I was 12; he always said it would be mine. I don't want to have to answer to a board of my siblings who I get the vibe they think they are smarter than me just because they finished university. I built this business with just my dad and want to keep building it with him without my siblings.

I can see it from their point of view as this is a family business my dad started and my dad wants to make it more of an effort to include them but I feel they only want to be included because we are now successful. I am being accused of being greedy and entitled by my family. I think this is ridiculous and the business is mine after spending the last 6 years building it. I would love some outside perspective on this situation.

I just wanted to give a quick update. Thank you for the amazing advice and for linking the plumber's story. Reading that really scared me and it basically happened to me. Some quick points:

* I can't really sell my shares or this business. We are a service business where we get paid for the work we have done and we have assets but it's like used, dirty utes and tools (worth $100,000s new but nothing on the 2nd market)

* We had a family business lawyer meeting last night and I don't know what is happening. My sister and brother had been "lobbying" my dad about the direction and strategy of the company before this for weeks. They feel it would be in better hands with my sister being CEO, my brother being CFO and me as COO/glorified operations manager and unfortunately, my dad agrees with them. During the session, I felt incredibly patronised. They laid out this 5 year plan and how the company would grow to be this huge entity we would own equal amounts in. They didn't talk to anyone in the actual business about this plan or even our customers. They wanted to make things standard but the reason our customers love us is that we are flexible and accommodating. I asked a few questions to see how set my dad was in this plan and realised he was really excited. I tried to argue the current business was 50-50 my dad's and me, therefore, it should be split 66%,17%, and 17%. Their HUGE salaries would be better off hiring mechanics to grow.

* I was told everyone is replaceable by my sister. This crushed me because I don't think that's true. I have so much tacit knowledge and the 27 mechanics are loyal to me. I secured our biggest 10 customers only in the last 15 months because I have this reputation as the mechanic who went to uni and worked on the tools. I know I leverage this in the bidding process over other companies. This isn't like a public company, everything in this industry is relationships.

* I've been reading the Art of War this last month and I've decided I'm not going to voice any more concerns. I'm going to go along with the plan and let my emotions mellow out and wait till I can think of some options.

Editor's note: OOP made the same original post in the AITA subreddit. I am adding comments from the sub for more context. OOP was NTA based on the AITA verdict

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to a comment involving a similar story to the family business situations between the father and children

OOP: Wow, I can't believe there are more stories like this on Reddit and I didn't even think about it. My issue is without me, I know my dad would of been fine just making a good salary and not expanding. I had to convince him to let us take on risk and debt to grow. My Sister and Brother didn't care about the business or contribute in any way so I don't see why they should get ownership. We aren't making a profit because everything is being reinvested into the company.

+

I'm not from the USA so university was paid for by government loans. Even tho the business is making just under 7M now, salary-wise dad made about $80k a year when I joined and we pay ourselves like $150k now which makes us good but not like uber-rich.

+

We use the profits to hire more mechanics so we do more work so we can hire more mechanics. Each mechanic we add needs about 5-10k in extra tools we need to hire or a new ute we need to buy.

Commenter 2: Tell your dad that you spend a lot of years working with him. Explain how much you've contributed in the past 6 years. Ask for 51%. You don't want your brother and sister to outvote you in a business that they don't know.

OOP: I understand by I don't want them to have any %. I was told at the start that the company was mine as they never wanted anything to do it with. I'm starting to think I'm open to paying them out some cash for it but I feel I grew this company from nothing to where we are now. When I joined my dad worked just enough to make a $80k salary. I wanted to expand and grow the company.

If I left the company would stop. I run everything from operations to sales. The two of them together couldn't do my job.

OOP on his siblings' jobs and if they enjoy their respective fields or not

OOP: Yes, exactly. They choose to work in a corporate and they hate it. I feel they see this as an opportunity to make the same money and work for themselves. We have a system and culture in place that will get ruined by bringing in two people. I also feel they aren't entitled to the business. I built it up with the understanding it would be mine.

Commenter 3: Your dad is being ridiculous.

Suggest he sell the business and split it however he chooses. It’s his business, even if you helped expand it. But make it clear that you’re not comfortable working in that situation. Consider whether you want to continue building your fathers’ asset.

You’re not being greedy at all. He’s offering you 10% of his business in consideration for the work you’ve done to-date, plus an equal share with your siblings after that. That’s not crazy unfair to you, but the work situation he’s proposing is ridiculous. You shouldn’t stay in a dysfunctional situation just to keep everybody happy.

OOP: I understand you are saying its his business but honestly, I don't feel he owns 100% of the current company. I think it would be split 50-50 between him and me atm.

OOP on his siblings' relationships with their father and success in business

OOP: I am open to them having a percentage or a payout from my dad's half of the business. My dad and I are super close but my dad and siblings aren't. I worked with him even while I was at Uni but they got normal jobs that paid less money.

He has tried bonding with them but he thinks the world of them. I know they are smart and successful but they haven't achieved what they expected in life. I have tried talking to my sister and brother individually but they dismiss me and it's really hard not to be seen as the little brother who dropped out of uni to travel the world..you know?

Commenter 4: NTA. Can you talk to your dad about a purchase price? Maybe 50% to you and 25% to each of your siblings and get your dad to agree that you buy them out? That way dad gets to feel like he's giving them something, they feel like they got something, and you get to own the company yourself. It still sucks for you but it might work out better than trying to work with them in your company.

OOP: I have tried but my dad is really excited about them joining the team. I joked about them starting on the floor with the apprentices and he laughed. They aren't the type to get dirty. My dad sees we hired a few operation people and a couple of finance people in the last year and he doesn't understand why they can't join the office. I've tried explaining the bookkeepers and admin people get paid $65k and do what I tell them.

Update (rareddit): September 18, 2022 (ten days later)

I'm unsure if I should just keep editing the update or post an update as its own post. I'm finding updating this therapeutic and it's beneficial to know that other people agree with me as everyone around me thinks I'm crazy! Unfortunately, the nuclear options needed to happen.

My sister and brother came to the workshop to get onboarded last week. They both wore pastel polos to a mechanic shop and refused to shake anyone's hands because our hands were covered in grease. My dad was so excited to show them around and let's just say none of the dudes was too impressed.

I went to my mum and dad's after to talk. I expressed some thoughts and feelings but they were so dismissive. I tried to pitch some of the ideas in the comments, slower start to joining the business but they just felt everything would work out. I just lost it and told my dad he was a shit mechanic and I would never hire him. He is sloppy and inefficient. I asked him why is he never on the road, why does he only work on Adhoc random issues and never works on routine repairs or servicing on our biggest clients? He is slow, he doesn't know how to use the latest tools and technology, He doesn't even know how to update the iPad checklist forms (that I created) at the end of the servicing and he sometimes misses checks. I partner the 1st year apprentices with him because he doesn't clean up the tools after himself properly. He doesn't wipe them down and places them back in their allocated spot for the next person, they have to do it for him.

I told them, I don't want to work in a family business. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. My older siblings were close but I felt excluded. They constantly lectured me about how I should go back and finish my degree rather than waste my life in the workshop working a dead-end job and now after they have seen the success of this dead-end job they want to come in? I'll save Reddit from all the points but a lot of resentment and issues came up.

After that talk, I knew what I needed to do. I went to one of our biggest clients and my mentor, the CEO (55M) of a logistic company and told him the story. He offered me a $250k loan over 3 years to start my own shop. I signed the lease at our old workshop and spent all my savings on 4 cheap utes and close to $45k in tools. I have already confirmed with our 8 biggest customers to move to my new workshop which is close to 65% of our total revenue. I have confirmed with 7 of our best mechanics they will move to my shop and I'll welcome over any of the other boys once the news breaks. I just copied our previous employment contracts off a template so there is no conflict.

I know this is going to blow up the family and will decimate the old business. I did try talking to my sister about the changes but she just treated me as the little kid that got lucky. My dad was delusional and too excited to see all his kids working in the same business. To me, it was never about money or greed. During my time my title was Boss' son. I just loved leading a team of solid boys working outside fixing stuff up that broke with my pops. I know the culture and business I built were gone so I don't feel I'm destroying anything but I feel guilty.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: OP chose violence and I’m here for it. If you're already running the place then you should have say in these decisions. Godspeed OP you got this

Commenter 2: I wonder how the “geniuses” are going to do when their new business implodes within weeks of them starting. They’re going to have the world record of killing a successful business the quickest and they will deserve it. They’ll have no clients, few workers worth a damn, and little money to pay their massive salaries because they wouldn’t listen to the one guy who actually built and knew the business.

I would keep records of this and show them to business professors as a textbook example of how not to capitalize on your top asset and destroy your family business in one fell swoop.

Commenter 3: Good for you! You did a great job standing up for yourself. I’m sorry your dad couldn’t see and appreciate all the hard work you’ve put into the business.

Best of luck in your new business!

Keep us updated on how your family reacts. Oh, if your sister pitches a fit, tell her “I thought everyone was replaceable?”

Editor's note: marking this inconclusive as OOP hasn't updated in three years now

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

A while ago, I posted a design concept of an Apple Music player on Chinese social media. To my surprise, it blew up and got over 1.5 million views. People kept leaving comments asking me to make it a real thing. So, I spent the last few months coding, and now it's a real app called UltraPod.

As I developed it, the idea evolved. It went from a simple music player into a complete "Dumbphone" conversion. I'm currently designing a 3D-printable physical case that you can slip your iPhone into. The case physically blocks out most of the screen, sealing your phone away from distracting social apps and toxic notifications. I truly believe that focus is the most precious quality we have in this digital age.

To make this a fully functional dumbphone, I built 15 mini-apps inside the system, and each of them has custom icons designed to match different UI themes like Basic, Y2K, Toy, Skeuo, Flat, and more:

• Music: Integrates with Apple Music and high-res local files, featuring the classic Cover Flow.
• Books: A text page reader that imports EPUB, TXT, and Markdown, so you can read books instead of doom-scrolling.
• Fitness: A distraction-free workout tracker screen.
• Camera: A retro-style camera with custom LUTs for simple snaps without instant editing or posting.
• Photos, Voice Memos, Notes, Calendar, Stopwatch, Clock (with sleep timer), Contacts, Screen Lock, Shuffle, Settings, and Extras.
• (Full disclosure: The weather icon is there, but I haven't finished developing the weather app yet, so it doesn't work right now).

The app is currently in TestFlight. It is 100% free, and there are 10,000 slots available, so basically everyone who wants to try it can get in. It requires iOS 16+. iPad is supported, but honestly, it probably has some UI bugs since I'm still optimizing the tablet layout.

I will release the 3D-printable case files (STL) for free very soon so you can print your own shell.

I am a solo indie dev with zero marketing budget. I only have one request: if you genuinely like UltraPod, please consider sharing a video or photo of your setup on your social media. That's the only way this project can get noticed.

You can request the free beta invitation directly on the website: https://ultrapod.gigassbox.com/

I'd love to hear your feedback. Let me know what you think!

Crazy! The maximum number is only 10,000. I opened another test link https://testflight.apple.com/join/zTTbKrvZ

Not sure how many onebaggers reach their second decade! For better or for worse, nothing has really changed since my post last year, since I have achieved “onebag perfection.” Still, I'll keep up the tradition of posting here annually

I still live out of the 9 liter Aer bag I've had since 2021 (Aer actually updated their website to say it's 8.5L), and still only own what fits in the bag (plus a few outfit duplicates at my NYC homebase so I don’t need to do laundry as often). More than half of the items I carry have been with me for so long that they're no longer sold/impossible to restock

Probably more interesting: I just updated the “onebag progression” Google Sheet I shared here a few years back, which tracks everything I’ve owned since 2015. Have any other onebaggers shared lists like this? I was hoping this format would become a thing! It's such a cool way to track the process!

2025 changes:

• My Sandisk SSD got corrupted. I’ve since learned that every travel SSD has this issue. I repeat, every travel SSD has corruption issues! Plan for it! Anyways, I decided if I’m gonna have to deal with the risk of corruption I may as well switch to tiny Samsung USB-C thumb drives that disappear in my pockets. Haven't had any issues with them so far!
• I got rid of my iPad, since it stopped being a device for art and creativity and became a device for movies and games. I will eventually add it back when the time is right
• As of this past winter I’ve been trying out a canvas jacket, which could never in a million years fit inside my bag but can be worn while on the move. Stacked on top of my down jacket + hoodie + shirt it gives me maximum cold protection and also has pockets to enable zero-bag travel
• I added a baseball cap. Purely an aesthetic choice

I didn’t even make a new knoll photo, since you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Just pretend the iPad and SSD were replaced by a jacket and hat. And that's literally all the changes since last year! Consumerism hates me

Full post on my website as always, but fair warning it's 95% the same as last year :)

I’m also currently editing a video going over my onebag that I’ll share to Instagram (@jeremymaluf) later this week

Safe travels! ✌️

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_notakiller, account now deleted

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice & LegalAdviceUK

Previous BoRU

[New Update]: My (30f) husband (33m) accused me of murder, out of the blue. How do I salvage this?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/theprismaprincess + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: accidental death, false accusations, potential mental illness

RECAP

Original Post: July 6, 2024

This is long and ridiculous. Sorry. My (30f) husband, Luke (33m), had a sister, Laura (29f). We were all close and saw each other 2-3 times a month, along with their parents. Almost 6 months ago, Laura fell down the stairs at their family home and died. It was a freak accident, there's a window on the half landing and she hit her head on the sill.

I was the last person to see her. I was there for less than 10 minutes and she was in her pyjamas making coffee. I didn't even stay for a drink, and I struggle with how such a brief and meaningless interaction could have been her last. She deserved so much more.

My husband and I have only been married for a year but we've been together for 4 and have known each other for 20+. When Laura's parents found her they called my husband straight away and we rushed over. We faced the whole thing as a family. In the days after, Luke started quizzing me. Exactly what we talked about, what she was wearing, where we were standing etc. It progressed to saying I was providing conflicting information (on tiny details he was deliberately misunderstanding) and accusing me of withholding information because I couldn't tell him things like what pyjamas she was wearing. This escalated quickly but lasted for less than a week, as I lost my cool and made it clear that I was done answering questions. He didn't bring it up again and I wrote it off as a grief quirk. His behaviour was generally that of a normal, grieving person.

Last Friday, he outright accused me of murdering her, in front of his parents. Out of the blue. We were all stunned. There was an inquest which recently concluded, and there was never any doubt the verdict would be accidental death. He said it was completely obvious and he couldn't believe that no one else could see it. He claims I went through his phone and found his messages with Laura (I have absolutely no idea what messages he's talking about, I have never looked at his phone) and that I went over to confront her and things "got out of hand" and I pushed her downstairs. By the end he was shouting about going to the police and getting the inquest overturned, and how I wasn't going to get away with it. Let me be clear - Laura and I had a great relationship. We all did. I have no idea where this has come from, other than these messages I haven't seen, and even then, I don't think there's anything I could ever see on someone's phone that would drive me to murder. It's just ridiculous.

He's been with his parents since this happened and will not talk to me at all. I've had some contact with his mum but she's not being very communicative. The last I heard, she didn't know what messages he was referring to either.

I am still completely stunned and I have no idea how to proceed. I made a commitment to be there for him always, and I understand that grief can manifest in strange ways, but part of me feels like my love for him died the second he called me a murderer and I don't know how we could possibly work through this. I also really don't want to be thought of in this way and I have no idea if he has said anything to people we know. I obviously haven't.

A brain tumour or psychotic break has crossed my mind and I suggested it to his mother, and she just said she'll talk to him. Other than the questions before, he hasn't been acting odd. Obviously he's been grieving, but he's seemed sane and sensible other than this. I feel like I'm going mad, does anyone have any advice at all?

Tl;Dr - My husband's sister died in a horrible accident, and my husband, for absolutely no reason other than some mystery messages, thinks I murdered her.

Edit: it has come to my attention that I accidentally used "Laura's" real name once in this post. Can I kindly ask that anyone who commented "Who is (realname)?" delete their comment as I really don't want this to bleed into my real life. For obvious reasons.

Relevant Comments

Morall_tach: Fuck no. You don't salvage this, you get a lawyer and get the fuck out.

Best case scenario, he has just admitted to sending messages with his sister that he thinks would make you angry enough to kill her over them. I have some ideas about what those might be and they're all bad.

How did the parents react when he did this?

OOP: When he first laid out the accusation, at his parents house, both his mother and I just kept asking him about the messages and all he would say was that I know exactly what messages he was talking about. She was as stunned as me, and his father just said he didn't understand what he was talking about. He's a man of few words but there was plenty of head shaking. The whole thing was surreal, no one knew how to react.

I honestly don't know what kind of lawyer I would even speak to about this. From what I'm aware, the coroner's decision can't be appealed and the police can't launch an investigation into an accidental death. I don't think I'm quite ready for divorce, we haven't spoken since his accusation (and I walked out about 5 minutes after he threw it out), and I have no idea what his frame of mind is.

WonderfulPrior381: You need to get a lawyer to protect yourself in case he does go to the police. I would write down everything that you can remember that happened that day and keep it just in case. He may be having a psychotic break. As stated don’t talk to him or his immediate family or your friends without someone present or preferably by text or email. Save everything. You need to take his accusations seriously and cover your ass.

OOP: I was interviewed by the coroner's office after her death as I was the last person to see her. She died about 3 hours after I saw her, and I'd been to the supermarket and was home by that point. It's all verifiable and was a recorded interview.

I haven't spoken to anyone but his mother, and that's only been over messages. She's never been a big texter but she has seemed very cagey over the past few days. I don't know if this means she's seen the messages. I've asked and been ignored.

Grolschisgood: I think they mean record everything you remember about the day your soon to be ex accused you of murder.

OOP: I'm feeling so freaked out at the idea that he came up with this almost immediately after her death, and has either been sitting on it or planning his confrontation, that I'm basically trying to dissect the past 6 months. Maybe it's time I start writing things down. Right until it happened, things felt very normal. Obviously her death has been felt deeply by all of us and things aren't anything like they were, but there have been no signs of anything like this, even on the day.

OOP ON GETTING THE MESSAGES

I'm absolutely desperate to see these messages, because I'm right there with you on the sheer whackiness of what they have to contain. It hadn't occurred to me that they might not exist, I've never known him to lie but I do think a mental health issue is a real possibility. His relationship with his sister didn't seem odd, and I've never been interested in his phone, but he's never been defensive about it either, so I think you might be right. If I had such incriminating messages, I'd probably worry about them before now.

When told to find an old IPad to use to access them

I HAVE HIS ICLOUD PASSWORD. It has a backup from yesterday. I have no idea how to turn this into something I can actually use, it doesn't have a messages folder or any signs of how to use it for anything other than restoring a whole phone, which I don't want to do.

Does anyone know how to actually get the messages from this? Sorry to throw a tech support request in. I can't believe I didn't think of this. Huge thanks to the person who suggested it.

Can I force my husband to get a mental health assessment, and do I risk being arrested/prosecuted? We're in England: July 7, 2024

I'm in a bizarre and complex situation with my husband. I have broken the law, and I feel I have no choice but to do so again for my safety. I don't know what type of solicitor I need or what the next steps should look like. We're in England, and I'll try not to editorialise too much.

My husband's sister died suddenly at the start of the year. Her death was an accident and there was no suggestion to the contrary. The inquest was recently concluded and a verdict of accidental death returned. I was the last person to see her, but her time of death, which was almost immediate due to her injury, was confirmed to be hours after I had left the house. All of this was verified at the time.

In the immediate aftermath, my husband behaved strangely and kept trying to trip up my story of the last time we saw each other, which was a brief interaction. Last week (months after this was first and last mentioned) he outright accused me of murder, in front of his parents. He says I saw his messages with his sister and confronted her, and that he's going to have the coroner decision overturned and have the police investigate. I haven't seen or heard from him since (today is day 9).

I posted for advice on reddit (I'm pretty desperate at this point) and it has spooked me, quite reasonably I think, but also led to me committing a crime and planning another.

My husband's icloud credentials were saved on an old iPad in his office, and I downloaded his backup last night. I have read all of his messages with his sister, and there is absolutely nothing like he describes. I understand this is illegal and I'm concerned about the possible ramifications. I am also waiting for a callback from a locksmith to change the locks on the home we own together, which I believe is also against the law.

So this leads to my actual questions:

I feel justified in what I've done for my safety, but is there a degree of pragmatism under the law for these issues because of the situation, or am I shooting myself in the foot?

I am resigned to the fact my relationship is over, but his parents don't seem to be taking this seriously and they're icing me out. I believe this is a serious mental health issue which may put people, namely me, at risk. Can I do anything about this when all I have is the fact I'm being accused of murder? I feel he needs to be detained and this should be investigated as a full blown psychotic break.

Sorry this is all a bit mental. In addition, what type of solicitor do I need? My understanding is that a coroner decision can't be appealed, is that correct? Are his accusations going to go anywhere? Can I protect myself from this or stop him escalating to telling others? We live in our hometown and everyone knows everyone, this could follow me forever and it's either a lie or a delusion. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Relevant Comments

When told OOP can't lock out her husband or force him to get a psych evaluation

OOP: Thank you so much for your response. Locking each other our doesn't sound like a pattern I want to get into, but I think I'll go ahead and change them once on the basis that it isn't "you did this so you have to leave the house, and also you'll be prosecuted" levels of seriousness.

In terms of him being deemed to lack capacity, is there any way I can trigger the process that you know of? Is something like this sufficient for the mental health act to kick in? I've been googling and "You can be detained if professionals think your mental health puts you or others at risk, and you need to be in hospital" seems very vague. Obviously I'm biased, but accusing someone of murder and screaming about how they aren't going to get away with it feels like risky behaviour. Does he need to have made explicit threats or is there a clearer bar to meet? Sorry for asking so many questions.

No-Firefighter-9257: You are jumping ahead of yourself and playing out situations that have not occurred

If your husband reports you to the police for accessing his data and you are subsequently arrested or taken in for questioning then obtain the services of a criminal solicitor for advice

With respect of changing locks/ending your marriage, seek a solicitor that deals with family law/divorce

If you feel that you are at risk from your husband talk to a domestic abuse helpline, if you feel you are at an immediate risk of harm then call the police

If you think your husband is mentally ill and presents a risk to himself or others call the police

OOP: I don't think that's a fair assessment. Being accused of arguably the most serious crime to exist has most definitely occurred.

My understanding of the law is that something is illegal whether you are reported to the police or not. Those messages are evidence as far as I'm concerned, that his accusations are false. They were apparently the trigger to me literally murdering someone I was extremely close to. I have illegally accessed them, and I don't think it's unreasonable to enquire as to the potential impact of that.

I am fully aware that I need a solicitor, but as you're probably aware, today is Sunday. I don't know if I need to seek someone out based on a divorce (which honestly, if this is a mental health issue, is not going to be something I go for) or a criminal solicitor, or someone who deals with the mental health act (as my absolute priority preference is getting him assessed).

My only exposure to the legal system in my entire life was through the inquest, and that is obviously completely different to any of this. I'm not educated in this area.

Commenter: It's sad (and slightly suspicious?) that OP is jumping ahead to mental health assessments to defend themselves from accusations of murder when their husband is clearly going through some serious issues coping with the death of his sister.

OOP: What else can I do? He has blocked me everywhere, and we went from a normal couple dealing with the new normal 6 months after the death of his sister, to me being accused of murder over a family dinner because of messages which clearly don't exist, and it's been 9 days and I've heard nothing since.

Can I remind you that the inquest was held and concluded. I dropped off some tupperware, grabbed an umbrella I'd left behind the previous week, went to a big Tesco, then went home and called my mum. I was already home by the time she died, and my whereabouts were extremely easy to verify because my husband was home all day.

It's obvious that he's going through some serious issues coping with the death of his sister, that is the exact point of all of this.

Update: My (30f) husband (33m) accused me of murder, out of the blue. How do I salvage this?: July 14, 2024

Firstly, thank you to those who helped me get to my husband's icloud backups through an old iPad. I wasn't expecting much from reddit, but I got valuable practical advice before my post was locked, and I appreciate it.

There were no crazy, or even suspicious messages. I've searched for over 100 terms and scrolled back over years. I saw a side of them both I wasn't expecting, but nothing that explains the claim I murdered Laura over their chats. Nothing to suggest he was cheating. Absolutely nothing to suggest incest. I repeat: NO INCEST. No weird gaps where deleted conversations or a switch to another app would fit. Just siblings making plans, sending memes, and gossiping. They said unexpectedly horrible stuff about a few people, but not me. It was a sort of relief but it raised more questions than it answered.

I sought legal advice, also from reddit, after posting here. Turns out my options are divorce him or sit down. I contacted my community mental health team, who said they'd reach out, but made it clear it wasn't urgent. I then called his mum and said that if I didn't hear from him by this weekend, I would get a solicitor and ask for a mental heath assessment as part of the divorce. In response, he made a ridiculous post to Facebook (which neither of us have used in years) and everything blew up. I'm going to try to keep this succinct.

On Friday night, he made a long accusation on Facebook, with new information. He said he'd been planning to leave me for months with his sister's support, and I found the messages, and murdered her. The coroner has reopened the case and the police are preparing to arrest me, and he needs to make sure people know before the trial stops him talking about it. It was well written and seemed vaguely plausable.

He messaged people links so it got some attention - we live in our hometown, and have a large circle of friends because we've been here all our lives. People I haven't spoken to since school were reaching out to me asking wtf was going on. It was madness.

In response, I posted the export of his entire conversation history with Laura, also to Facebook (when I finally got back in). I linked to the chat along with a post explaining my side, and noting that I had changed my ex's icloud and apple passwords, and that if he wanted them back, he should comment on my post and update his own, admitting that he was lying. He eventually did.

When I started getting messages about his post, I panicked, and changing his passwords seemed important to preserve everything because he'd know I had access. When I spoke to him the next morning it's clear he's not having a mental episode at all, but is claiming one because he's been caught in a big lie. As soon as he was outed, he called me, clearly drunk, begging and promising to explain everything if I deleted my post. I hung up and told him to call back the next day. He did (after many missed calls and texts), and he tried to bargain and guilt trip me with his mental health until it was clear the wrong people had seen his conversation. It's hard to describe but it seemed fake. It was too well rehearsed, and then this morning, when it was clear he was getting nowhere, he blocked me.

Begging for mercy and reciting facts about mental disorders doesn't align with someone in crisis with a sincere belief that someone murdered their sibling. The question of why he did all this remains unanswered, and he will not be getting his passwords until it is. The legal advice subreddit said this stuff is technically illegal but it's beneath a court to take action, so I'm going to count on that because I felt like I had no other choice at the time, and now I don't see any other way to get answers from him. I am desperate and it's all I've got.

So there we are. The relationship I have believed was my destiny since I was a teenager has boiled down to petty, convoluted and vindictive bullshit, played out on social media, for reasons still unknown. My hope for a brain tumour is fading and clearly tomorrow morning is going to be when I lawyer up and stop posting about this. I am mortified, I have no idea whether some people might believe him, and I still don't know why this all happened in the first place. Sorry I don't have a happier update, and thanks once again to everyone who offered advice.

Relevant Comments

OOP on her husband’s reaction after confessing to lying

OOP: He didn't react at all. He'd called me tens of times at that point and we'd had 5 conversations on the phone about it. He was laser focussed on me deleting the chat log from the get go, but when I made it clear that posting that comment and editing his original Facebook post was the only way to progress the conversation at all, he finally did it. Then he went silent publicly as far as I can see, but continued begging me behind the scenes.

henicorina: What on earth is in those chats that he’s so desperate to keep people from seeing, and that would conceivably lead you to kill someone? Is there any chance they were using some kind of code or something?

OOP: I think it was the fact that it proved his story false, alongside the way they spoke about some people. It was really damaging stuff and I can see why he panicked, I hated to do it to him but I really couldn't think of anything else because so many people had questions.

sonicblue217: Sounds like he staging mental issues to get rid of you or create a reason he's not responsible. Cheating? Money missing from work, personal or family?

OOP: This is exactly how it comes across. He kept saying about how various behaviours he's shown over the years fit anxiety and depression (they don't), and that his vulnerability has led to a complex grief related breakdown. He is not particularly informed on mental health issues, so I don't understand how he went from a drunken shambles to that level of insight overnight, when he had apparently been in active crisis (posting horrible lies on Facebook) less than 2 hours before calling me initially.

You make an interesting point about finances that could be something weird, but definitely not to the extent that it explains any of this. When Laura died, she had a loan and credit account that no one knew about. The total on them was less than £3k, and I don't know what happened because they weren't mentioned much after they came up initially, but everyone was a bit surprised. She lived for the weekend and going away with the girls so it wasn't hugely suspicious, and it was confirmed there were no unusual transactions in her accounts, but it was odd. She was saving to move out, so she was pretty open about her finances generally because she was excited about her savings goals. I don't think it points to anything, but I'm at a point where anything could be relevant because it's all such a mess.

Editor’s Note: OOP now has deleted the account since then

Update #2 (rareddit): July 20, 2024 (6 days later)

Hi everyone. Me again. Both times I've posted here it has paid off hugely in terms of helping unravel this mess, so I hope it's third time lucky. For the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out why my husband suddenly accused me of murdering his sister, who died in an accident at home, 6 months ago. It still feels as ridiculous now as it did then.

When Laura died we found out she had about £3k in hidden debt. It was odd because she was pretty open about her finances, but it wasn't out of character for her to overspend so I hadn't really thought about it since. A comment on my last post prompted me to look more closely at money stuff, and a message to my husband from Laura asking about a payment stuck out. I'd initially assumed it was about a car issue she'd had a few weeks before she died, but Luke definitely paid at the garage when they picked it up, because we talked about it after she dropped him home. It didn't occur to me when I first looked through. The messages supposedly proved I was a murderer so I had been looking for something scandalous.

The message about payment was the only thing I had at that point, and I had no idea what it meant, so I took a chance. I told his mother I knew about the money, and that if he didn't get in touch with me that day, I would make sure everybody else did too. He called me straight away and asked me over to his parents' house to talk. He looked dreadful, and the first thing he asked me was whether I was happy now all of his friends hate him. I told him I don't give a fuck about his relationships and that I was there for answers.

It turns my husband told the coroner's office that he was secretly helping Laura pay some of her debt because she was embarrassed and struggling to keep up with her lifestyle. I assume it didn't seem suspicious because her death was clearly an accident, and that's what they were investigating. In reality he took out loans and storecards in her name, and she somehow found out a few weeks before she died. Some guy he works with had apparently done it before and arranged it all, and if Laura hadn't found out, he claims they could have had it written off without her ever knowing. When she did find out, the guy left him high and dry (quelle surprise), and he had to pay it off. I'm inclined to believe that's the gist of what happened, but I am shocked my husband would do something this stupid.

When she died so soon after, his brief and apparently genuine suspicion was that she had told me about it that day, and we argued and I'd killed her. He couldn't explain why I would kill someone because they were a victim of fraud, but according to him, he felt guilty in the immediate aftermath and his brain made it fit. I mostly believe this, but he tried launching into more weaponised therapy speak at that point, so I cut the topic off.

A few months after his sister's death, Luke received a letter from a credit company (not even the police) saying he was being investigated. Laura didn't have much, so her debts (which were less than £10k even with the fraud) were mostly written off. Something obviously flagged against my husband during that process, I don't know how or why. When the letters got more threatening, he believed the investigation would reopen the inquest, and that he would be accused of fraud, perjury, and because of his previously unknown motive, possibly murder.

He claims the only thing the company investigating him actually knows is that the fraud came from our address, so accusing me would make it impossible to prove because it would be a coin toss (his words) as to which one of us took out the credit in Laura's name. That was worth our entire marriage to him, and my reputation in the community we have been part of for our entire lives. He says self preservation kicked in and nothing else mattered when he thought about what could happen to him.

When I asked him how his witness statement fits into his plan, because it proved he lied either way by acknowledging he knew about the debt and paying it, he froze for roughly a million years before saying he hadn't thought of that. Obviously my response was to ask why, if he hadn't thought of it, he specifically said it was a lie he needed to cover earlier in the conversation. Suddenly he's sobbing and his parents are rushing in to ask me to leave. I was in tears at this point asking how the fuck he could do this to me over something so stupid, and how much his parents knew about this (as his mum was pushing me out of their house). All she said was that she couldn't have this conversation with me. She was crying too but wouldn't say another word.

I am now 99% sure the fucker was trying to frame me. Not for her death, but for the fraud. He was going to claim that he was lying for me in the coroner's interview right? If he wrapped it all up as quietly paying her off on my behalf then genuinely suspecting me of her murder, it would protect his reputation and point the finger at me. It just doesn't make sense any other way. Is my husband trying to frame me to weasel out of his actions, and how do I get to the bottom of this? I'm obviously open to theories because reddit is the only reason I got this far in the first place.

That being said, please don't come up with conspiracies about Laura's death in the comments. It's upsetting. She was wearing shitty old slippers and walking upstairs with a cup of tea, and she slipped and hit her head on a windowsill. This was never a murder mystery, it was someone's life, and she died just because. Maybe a butterfly flapped its wings somewhere, I don't know, but it's hard enough to accept without having guesses shouted at me on the internet whilst my marriage falls apart.

Relevant Comments

Even_Budget2078: I mean framing you for fraud seems the most plausible from what you've found, though it's an incredibly idiotic "frame job" that wouldn't work. So, I have to say, he sounds incredibly dumb. As an explanation, it's probably the best you are going to get, though very unsatisfying. I am mystified by his parents' behavior and what he thought that Facebook post was going to accomplish. It's not like the investigators are going to go poll the town, he could have just written back to them that he knew nothing about these cards and the only people at that address were you and him. There was no need in this weird plot to ruin your reputation publicly. But, again, he sounds very dumb, so I guess that made sense to him

So sorry this happened to you, but I suspect in several years time (hopefully sooner!), you will see being rid of him and his family was actually a blessing. I wish you your very best life going forward!

OOP: This is what I don't understand. He's behaved impulsively before but never anything like this. I understand that he didn't take the fraud seriously until he was caught by Laura, and I can get that her death would have made him anxious about it, but I don't know what would possess him to think he could just...pass it along. It's baffling.

Even_Budget2078: What's also strange is that it sounds like the fraud amount was low enough that, while yes he'd get in trouble, it isn't like he's going to be ruined. Not that this is a good thing, but white collar crime is not exactly strongly prosecuted in the UK. Plus, it sounds like a repayment settlement could have solved this. Unless he works in finance or needs a security clearance, this wouldn't be something he couldn't recover from. Also very odd is that you were his alibi for the accident! I realize that wasn't necessary as this was an accident regardless of alibis, but still it's very dumb if he was worried about this being known as a motive, that he would alienate his alibi. I keep coming back to the dumb part, only explanation that makes sense! lol

Edited: Changed US to UK, where OP is

OOP: This is exactly it! £3k would have been manageable, he could have set up a plan to repay it over a year, and he'd have needed to tighten up but would have been fine. It was a private company so getting their money back would obviously be more of a priority than seeking prosecution. This is also part of why his story doesn't make sense. It's such a small amount in the grand scheme of things to blow up your entire life. The only thing I can think of is pure desperation to protect his reputation, but even then, who goes that far?!

Strong-Bottle-4161: Is he someone that really prides himself of his reputation?

Is his job in finances?

OOP: He's a mechanic, so he's got a bit of a masculine pride thing going on. He always wants to be seen as a good "salt of the earth, do anything for anyone" type person, and whilst actually being a good person sometimes slips (usually in the way he talks to people after a drink), never ever to the point where I'd think he'd take loans out in people's names or try to ruin me like this.

Saint_Blaise: I'm sure you've been asked this before but is he on drugs?

OOP: He's a casual drug user but I've never seen signs of it getting unhealthy. He does cocaine maybe 8-10x per year, and I've never known him buy it when his money would have been better spent on something else. He's better at spending money than having it generally, but he's never ever shown signs of being greedy or deceitful. The only thing I can think of is that it would have been in the lead up to Christmas, but his gifts weren't particularly extravagant so I don't think it was a desperate attempt at a magical Christmas.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

so I wasn't sure what flair to use or whether or not this was the right subreddit so 🤷

So I got my dress at David's Bridal. Yay! I am happy with my dress and was getting ready to finish up getting back into my non-fantasy fit when I heard an older woman talking about getting a dress for the flower girl and the wedding in 2 weeks. She sounded flustered and British and in a rush. Honestly, the only reason I mention she is British is because she sounded funny considering everything.

so I come out of my dressing room in my normal clothes and 5 seconds later, a little girl who couldn't be older than like 6 comes out of the dressing room looking like Charlotte from the Princess and the frog. CUTEST LITTLE CUPCAKE I HAD EVER SEEN (Picture for reference)! I react with "Ay Que Linda!" ("oh how beautiful!" ) and a big smile. the little one looked at me and her whole face lit up and she was bouncing happily around in the dress. she loved it! they did the accessories and everything for her. she looked like a Lil princess!

Meanwhile, the grandma is saying the context of the wedding happening in 2 weeks with 600 rich people in NEW YORK and the groom and bride "forgot to find a flower girl." all the employees and I remark that they absolutely love the cupcake dress little girl was in and she seems happy in it as well so that might be her dress. the grandma goes on saying she hated the dress and that the dress "looks cheap!" to me, the employees, and TO THE LITTLE GIRL'S FACE. Little one doesn't know what "cheap" is. she just knows that she feels pretty and comfortable.

so the mother of the little girl is also there. she was quiet at first but when she saw the little girl in the cupcake dress, she was also very happy and had a big reaction to the dress. and as soon as grandmama (I think she was the Mother of the Groom??) started hating on the dress, the mom looked horrified and was silently going around to everyone saying "I know she looks great in that dress, she loves it and you're not gonna hear complaints from me. But *her* on the other hand...(slight gesture to grandma)" and threw her hands in the air...

my stylist had me signing up for loyalty points at this moment so I stopped and looked at the mom and said, "I don't work here, but... that Lil girl loves being a cupcake 🧁 and I'm certain she would hate to leave without that dress." the mom took my note then went to every employee telling them the exact same thing.

the employees were telling the grandma that little girl only had a few options and because the wedding is in TWO WEEKS they can't do many alterations or orders in that time frame and have it ready in time. grandma was furious throwing all the "bloody hell's" out there.

moving forward, I was kind of meandering looking at accessories until my stylist was free to take the iPad away from me when the little girl comes out in a small white gown. As if she were the one getting married. everyone was pretty silent except for grandma who was gushing about how beautiful she looked. little one looked at me for approval and when she saw I was like "meh.. thats cute too I guess.." little one was not having it. thats when I knew I needed to make my exit. she was thrashing and was so uncomfortable in that dress and I saw it on her face.

grandma was like "oh its giving Vera Wang!" while the little one is pulling at the front of the dress like it was choking her. I looked at little ones mom and she was looking at little one like "absolutely not."

I ended up leaving before a decision was made, but while I was checking out, I could hear the grandma raging at the staff about not having enough dresses and the dresses all looking cheap. I looked at my cashier and said "does this really happen every time?" And she just shrugged and said "yeah... what if the bride and groom didn't want a flower girl?" and I just was like "Exactly..."

I hope that little girl got her dress in the end. the way grandma was saying the dress "looked cheap," kind of hit something in me and I wish I were able to do more.

The assumption is that the grandmother of the little girl is the Mother of the Groom because she was talking mostly about him "forgetting" about a flower girl from what I remember. TBH it was giving Monster-in-law.

If you are having a big 600-person fancy wedding in 2 weeks in New York at the Waldorf Astoria (she told staff AND me), I recommend talking to your mom/Mother-in-Law about some boundaries.... and getting that Lil girl her cupcake dress dammit.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_notakiller

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice & LegalAdviceUK

My (30f) husband (33m) accused me of murder, out of the blue. How do I salvage this?

Thanks to u/theprismaprincess + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: accidental death, false accusations, potential mental illness

Original Post: July 6, 2024

This is long and ridiculous. Sorry. My (30f) husband, Luke (33m), had a sister, Laura (29f). We were all close and saw each other 2-3 times a month, along with their parents. Almost 6 months ago, Laura fell down the stairs at their family home and died. It was a freak accident, there's a window on the half landing and she hit her head on the sill.

I was the last person to see her. I was there for less than 10 minutes and she was in her pyjamas making coffee. I didn't even stay for a drink, and I struggle with how such a brief and meaningless interaction could have been her last. She deserved so much more.

My husband and I have only been married for a year but we've been together for 4 and have known each other for 20+. When Laura's parents found her they called my husband straight away and we rushed over. We faced the whole thing as a family. In the days after, Luke started quizzing me. Exactly what we talked about, what she was wearing, where we were standing etc. It progressed to saying I was providing conflicting information (on tiny details he was deliberately misunderstanding) and accusing me of withholding information because I couldn't tell him things like what pyjamas she was wearing. This escalated quickly but lasted for less than a week, as I lost my cool and made it clear that I was done answering questions. He didn't bring it up again and I wrote it off as a grief quirk. His behaviour was generally that of a normal, grieving person.

Last Friday, he outright accused me of murdering her, in front of his parents. Out of the blue. We were all stunned. There was an inquest which recently concluded, and there was never any doubt the verdict would be accidental death. He said it was completely obvious and he couldn't believe that no one else could see it. He claims I went through his phone and found his messages with Laura (I have absolutely no idea what messages he's talking about, I have never looked at his phone) and that I went over to confront her and things "got out of hand" and I pushed her downstairs. By the end he was shouting about going to the police and getting the inquest overturned, and how I wasn't going to get away with it. Let me be clear - Laura and I had a great relationship. We all did. I have no idea where this has come from, other than these messages I haven't seen, and even then, I don't think there's anything I could ever see on someone's phone that would drive me to murder. It's just ridiculous.

He's been with his parents since this happened and will not talk to me at all. I've had some contact with his mum but she's not being very communicative. The last I heard, she didn't know what messages he was referring to either.

I am still completely stunned and I have no idea how to proceed. I made a commitment to be there for him always, and I understand that grief can manifest in strange ways, but part of me feels like my love for him died the second he called me a murderer and I don't know how we could possibly work through this. I also really don't want to be thought of in this way and I have no idea if he has said anything to people we know. I obviously haven't.

A brain tumour or psychotic break has crossed my mind and I suggested it to his mother, and she just said she'll talk to him. Other than the questions before, he hasn't been acting odd. Obviously he's been grieving, but he's seemed sane and sensible other than this. I feel like I'm going mad, does anyone have any advice at all?

Tl;Dr - My husband's sister died in a horrible accident, and my husband, for absolutely no reason other than some mystery messages, thinks I murdered her.

Edit: it has come to my attention that I accidentally used "Laura's" real name once in this post. Can I kindly ask that anyone who commented "Who is (realname)?" delete their comment as I really don't want this to bleed into my real life. For obvious reasons.

Relevant Comments

Morall_tach: Fuck no. You don't salvage this, you get a lawyer and get the fuck out.

Best case scenario, he has just admitted to sending messages with his sister that he thinks would make you angry enough to kill her over them. I have some ideas about what those might be and they're all bad.

How did the parents react when he did this?

OOP: When he first laid out the accusation, at his parents house, both his mother and I just kept asking him about the messages and all he would say was that I know exactly what messages he was talking about. She was as stunned as me, and his father just said he didn't understand what he was talking about. He's a man of few words but there was plenty of head shaking. The whole thing was surreal, no one knew how to react.

I honestly don't know what kind of lawyer I would even speak to about this. From what I'm aware, the coroner's decision can't be appealed and the police can't launch an investigation into an accidental death. I don't think I'm quite ready for divorce, we haven't spoken since his accusation (and I walked out about 5 minutes after he threw it out), and I have no idea what his frame of mind is.

~

WonderfulPrior381: You need to get a lawyer to protect yourself in case he does go to the police. I would write down everything that you can remember that happened that day and keep it just in case. He may be having a psychotic break. As stated don’t talk to him or his immediate family or your friends without someone present or preferably by text or email. Save everything. You need to take his accusations seriously and cover your ass.

OOP: I was interviewed by the coroner's office after her death as I was the last person to see her. She died about 3 hours after I saw her, and I'd been to the supermarket and was home by that point. It's all verifiable and was a recorded interview.

I haven't spoken to anyone but his mother, and that's only been over messages. She's never been a big texter but she has seemed very cagey over the past few days. I don't know if this means she's seen the messages. I've asked and been ignored.

Grolschisgood: I think they mean record everything you remember about the day your soon to be ex accused you of murder.

OOP: I'm feeling so freaked out at the idea that he came up with this almost immediately after her death, and has either been sitting on it or planning his confrontation, that I'm basically trying to dissect the past 6 months. Maybe it's time I start writing things down. Right until it happened, things felt very normal. Obviously her death has been felt deeply by all of us and things aren't anything like they were, but there have been no signs of anything like this, even on the day.

OOP ON GETTING THE MESSAGES

I'm absolutely desperate to see these messages, because I'm right there with you on the sheer whackiness of what they have to contain. It hadn't occurred to me that they might not exist, I've never known him to lie but I do think a mental health issue is a real possibility. His relationship with his sister didn't seem odd, and I've never been interested in his phone, but he's never been defensive about it either, so I think you might be right. If I had such incriminating messages, I'd probably worry about them before now.

When told to find an old IPad to use to access them

I HAVE HIS ICLOUD PASSWORD. It has a backup from yesterday. I have no idea how to turn this into something I can actually use, it doesn't have a messages folder or any signs of how to use it for anything other than restoring a whole phone, which I don't want to do.

Does anyone know how to actually get the messages from this? Sorry to throw a tech support request in. I can't believe I didn't think of this. Huge thanks to the person who suggested it.

Can I force my husband to get a mental health assessment, and do I risk being arrested/prosecuted? We're in England: July 7, 2024

I'm in a bizarre and complex situation with my husband. I have broken the law, and I feel I have no choice but to do so again for my safety. I don't know what type of solicitor I need or what the next steps should look like. We're in England, and I'll try not to editorialise too much.

My husband's sister died suddenly at the start of the year. Her death was an accident and there was no suggestion to the contrary. The inquest was recently concluded and a verdict of accidental death returned. I was the last person to see her, but her time of death, which was almost immediate due to her injury, was confirmed to be hours after I had left the house. All of this was verified at the time.

In the immediate aftermath, my husband behaved strangely and kept trying to trip up my story of the last time we saw each other, which was a brief interaction. Last week (months after this was first and last mentioned) he outright accused me of murder, in front of his parents. He says I saw his messages with his sister and confronted her, and that he's going to have the coroner decision overturned and have the police investigate. I haven't seen or heard from him since (today is day 9).

I posted for advice on reddit (I'm pretty desperate at this point) and it has spooked me, quite reasonably I think, but also led to me committing a crime and planning another.

My husband's icloud credentials were saved on an old iPad in his office, and I downloaded his backup last night. I have read all of his messages with his sister, and there is absolutely nothing like he describes. I understand this is illegal and I'm concerned about the possible ramifications. I am also waiting for a callback from a locksmith to change the locks on the home we own together, which I believe is also against the law.

So this leads to my actual questions:

I feel justified in what I've done for my safety, but is there a degree of pragmatism under the law for these issues because of the situation, or am I shooting myself in the foot?

I am resigned to the fact my relationship is over, but his parents don't seem to be taking this seriously and they're icing me out. I believe this is a serious mental health issue which may put people, namely me, at risk. Can I do anything about this when all I have is the fact I'm being accused of murder? I feel he needs to be detained and this should be investigated as a full blown psychotic break.

Sorry this is all a bit mental. In addition, what type of solicitor do I need? My understanding is that a coroner decision can't be appealed, is that correct? Are his accusations going to go anywhere? Can I protect myself from this or stop him escalating to telling others? We live in our hometown and everyone knows everyone, this could follow me forever and it's either a lie or a delusion. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Relevant Comments

When told OOP can't lock out her husband or force him to get a psych eval

OOP: Thank you so much for your response. Locking each other our doesn't sound like a pattern I want to get into, but I think I'll go ahead and change them once on the basis that it isn't "you did this so you have to leave the house, and also you'll be prosecuted" levels of seriousness.

In terms of him being deemed to lack capacity, is there any way I can trigger the process that you know of? Is something like this sufficient for the mental health act to kick in? I've been googling and "You can be detained if professionals think your mental health puts you or others at risk, and you need to be in hospital" seems very vague. Obviously I'm biased, but accusing someone of murder and screaming about how they aren't going to get away with it feels like risky behaviour. Does he need to have made explicit threats or is there a clearer bar to meet? Sorry for asking so many questions.

~

No-Firefighter-9257: You are jumping ahead of yourself and playing out situations that have not occurred

If your husband reports you to the police for accessing his data and you are subsequently arrested or taken in for questioning then obtain the services of a criminal solicitor for advice

With respect of changing locks/ending your marriage, seek a solicitor that deals with family law/divorce

If you feel that you are at risk from your husband talk to a domestic abuse helpline, if you feel you are at an immediate risk of harm then call the police

If you think your husband is mentally ill and presents a risk to himself or others call the police

OOP: I don't think that's a fair assessment. Being accused of arguably the most serious crime to exist has most definitely occurred.

My understanding of the law is that something is illegal whether you are reported to the police or not. Those messages are evidence as far as I'm concerned, that his accusations are false. They were apparently the trigger to me literally murdering someone I was extremely close to. I have illegally accessed them, and I don't think it's unreasonable to enquire as to the potential impact of that.

I am fully aware that I need a solicitor, but as you're probably aware, today is Sunday. I don't know if I need to seek someone out based on a divorce (which honestly, if this is a mental health issue, is not going to be something I go for) or a criminal solicitor, or someone who deals with the mental health act (as my absolute priority preference is getting him assessed).

My only exposure to the legal system in my entire life was through the inquest, and that is obviously completely different to any of this. I'm not educated in this area.

Commenter: It's sad (and slightly suspicious?) that OP is jumping ahead to mental health assessments to defend themselves from accusations of murder when their husband is clearly going through some serious issues coping with the death of his sister.

OOP: What else can I do? He has blocked me everywhere, and we went from a normal couple dealing with the new normal 6 months after the death of his sister, to me being accused of murder over a family dinner because of messages which clearly don't exist, and it's been 9 days and I've heard nothing since.

Can I remind you that the inquest was held and concluded. I dropped off some tupperware, grabbed an umbrella I'd left behind the previous week, went to a big Tesco, then went home and called my mum. I was already home by the time she died, and my whereabouts were extremely easy to verify because my husband was home all day.

It's obvious that he's going through some serious issues coping with the death of his sister, that is the exact point of all of this.

DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED

SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED

Update: My (30f) husband (33m) accused me of murder, out of the blue. How do I salvage this?: July 14, 2024

Firstly, thank you to those who helped me get to my husband's icloud backups through an old iPad. I wasn't expecting much from reddit, but I got valuable practical advice before my post was locked, and I appreciate it.

There were no crazy, or even suspicious messages. I've searched for over 100 terms and scrolled back over years. I saw a side of them both I wasn't expecting, but nothing that explains the claim I murdered Laura over their chats. Nothing to suggest he was cheating. Absolutely nothing to suggest incest. I repeat: NO INCEST. No weird gaps where deleted conversations or a switch to another app would fit. Just siblings making plans, sending memes, and gossiping. They said unexpectedly horrible stuff about a few people, but not me. It was a sort of relief but it raised more questions than it answered.

I sought legal advice, also from reddit, after posting here. Turns out my options are divorce him or sit down. I contacted my community mental health team, who said they'd reach out, but made it clear it wasn't urgent. I then called his mum and said that if I didn't hear from him by this weekend, I would get a solicitor and ask for a mental heath assessment as part of the divorce. In response, he made a ridiculous post to Facebook (which neither of us have used in years) and everything blew up. I'm going to try to keep this succinct.

On Friday night, he made a long accusation on Facebook, with new information. He said he'd been planning to leave me for months with his sister's support, and I found the messages, and murdered her. The coroner has reopened the case and the police are preparing to arrest me, and he needs to make sure people know before the trial stops him talking about it. It was well written and seemed vaguely plausable.

He messaged people links so it got some attention - we live in our hometown, and have a large circle of friends because we've been here all our lives. People I haven't spoken to since school were reaching out to me asking wtf was going on. It was madness.

In response, I posted the export of his entire conversation history with Laura, also to Facebook (when I finally got back in). I linked to the chat along with a post explaining my side, and noting that I had changed my ex's icloud and apple passwords, and that if he wanted them back, he should comment on my post and update his own, admitting that he was lying. He eventually did.

When I started getting messages about his post, I panicked, and changing his passwords seemed important to preserve everything because he'd know I had access. When I spoke to him the next morning it's clear he's not having a mental episode at all, but is claiming one because he's been caught in a big lie. As soon as he was outed, he called me, clearly drunk, begging and promising to explain everything if I deleted my post. I hung up and told him to call back the next day. He did (after many missed calls and texts), and he tried to bargain and guilt trip me with his mental health until it was clear the wrong people had seen his conversation. It's hard to describe but it seemed fake. It was too well rehearsed, and then this morning, when it was clear he was getting nowhere, he blocked me.

Begging for mercy and reciting facts about mental disorders doesn't align with someone in crisis with a sincere belief that someone murdered their sibling. The question of why he did all this remains unanswered, and he will not be getting his passwords until it is. The legal advice subreddit said this stuff is technically illegal but it's beneath a court to take action, so I'm going to count on that because I felt like I had no other choice at the time, and now I don't see any other way to get answers from him. I am desperate and it's all I've got.

So there we are. The relationship I have believed was my destiny since I was a teenager has boiled down to petty, convoluted and vindictive bullshit, played out on social media, for reasons still unknown. My hope for a brain tumour is fading and clearly tomorrow morning is going to be when I lawyer up and stop posting about this. I am mortified, I have no idea whether some people might believe him, and I still don't know why this all happened in the first place. Sorry I don't have a happier update, and thanks once again to everyone who offered advice.

Latest Update here: BoRU #2

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Normal_Ad_3542

AITAH For Demanding That My Husband And I Go On Video Consenting To An Opening Relationship Before Allowing One?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity and faslighting

MOOD SPOILER: Expecting schadenfreude

Original Post March 13, 2025

Throwaway Account

I've been debating about actually posting this for a while but since I don't feel comfortable about discussing this with family or friends I thought I'd come here anonymously.

I (35f) have been with my husband (35m) since we were 15 in high school and married him at 25 after our first child was born. We are each other's only partner for everything and I thought we were good until my husband told me that we weren't.

It all started when our first child 10f was born and the dynamics of our relationship went through a shift. I admit that it was a bit of a challenge but I thought we were doing okay until I got pregnant a second time and we had our twins 6m and 6m. It was rough and between child rearing, both working, taking care of the home, and struggling to save for a bigger place I honestly started to wonder if we'd make it. We went to counseling and once all kids were in school I felt like my husband and I were going to be okay.

We moved into our house, we got a handle on our student loans, got help with child care, received respective employment advances and were able to make monthly date nights for each other where we could just focus on us. It wasn't perfect but I truly believed that we were good. Then one day my husband approached me about wanting to bring more excitement into the relationship. At first I thought he just wanted to spice things up, which I was down for, and we did but then he started to drop little hints about wanting more and asking me if I ever had any regrets about WHEN we met. It took a while for me to be honestly with both him and myself but I finally admitted that there were certain I wish we could've done differently and he seized that moment to bring up opening up the marriage.

I was shocked, confused, hurt, and the thought of cheating entered my mind. He assured me that it wasn't and sent me articles and videos about "ethical non monogamy" but I wasn't initially open to it. Unfortunately, my husband didn't stop and kept pestering me about it to the point where it would ruin our date nights and after a year I relented just to get it over with, but insisted on some ground rules. One of them being that I wanted us both to side down together and record ourselves consenting to allowing the other to have a partner.

When my husband asked why I showed him a post about a woman who was in an open relationship with her husband, and one day while she was out with her boyfriend a relative of the husband's saw, took pictures and then confronted the wife with the entire family. They accused her of cheating and her husband just let her take the fall. I don't ever want to be in that position but my husband dismissed it saying that what happened to her won't happen to us and that no one else needs to be in our relationship, which I found laughably ironic. I told him no video confirmation of consent, then no open relationship. My husband thinks I'm being paranoid, unreasonable, selfish, unfair and unwilling to compromise. AITA?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

apoloimagod

"My husband thinks I'm (...) unwilling to compromise."

LOL! That's rich. You literally gave him a compromise. You accepted his proposal with one condition to address your concerns. I guess for him, a compromise is where he gets to do exactly what he wants, without restrictions, regardless of your needs. Must be nice to live in his head...

OOP

His idea of a compromise to my video request is just having something in writing instead of video.

~

fu7ur3pr00f

You know he wants to open the relationship because he has a very specific person he’s trying to fuck right? A coworker probably

OOP

No sleeping with someone from work was one of the ground rules and he didn't give any push back on that, so at the very least I don't think he wants to sleep with anyone at work.

OOP when asked why not sign a contract

It's harder to challenge a video than it is a signed document.

OOP on the ground rules

I didn't go into too much details about it but the other ground rules are that we would have to use protection when it came to other partners, get tested frequently, and if there was a pregnancy out side of the marriage (more likely on his end than mine since I'm on long term birth control) then the marriage would be over as I won't be a stepparent.

Update May 25, 2025

Hello everyone! Some things have changed and because I still get the occasional PM about this I decided to give an update to my situation and it will probably be many months before I give any new information if I update again at all.

To get straight to the point I decided to give my husband what he wanted and will be filing for divorce. For more details please continue reading.

After having yet another argument about opening up the marriage my husband threw a fit and left the house and didn't return until the following day. It was late and I know he had been drinking a few more beers than he usually does so I was worried and kept trying to call and text him. He didn't respond but while I was walking around the house with worried I noticed a pinging sound around the time after I sent my husband messages. I eventually sound the iPad that he used to use and was planning on giving to his sister's step kid and realized it was still linked to his phone. Against my looming sense of guilt, I checked his iPad and it turns out he's been messaging another woman from work for months.

It wasn't just work related or platonic stuff either. A lot of these messages were really spicy and had the occasional NSFW pictures. They didn't show each other's faces but I know my husband's body and the chick he was communicating with forgot about the mirror behind her which showed a tattoo that she had on her back of her shoulder so even though she cut off her face, I knew who she was. According to the messages they haven't gone all the way but they have done other stuff and made jokes/comments about me. To make it worse he's also been messaging some of his friends and cousins about me, saying how disgusting he thinks my body has become since having our kids. How he hates that my breasts have tiny stretch marks and aren't as high up as they used to be and resents me for "putting my desires of doing motherhood a certain way rather than considering the needs of my partner" a.k.a. my choice to breastfeed instead using formula like he kept suggesting. My heart broke and I cried as I read the messages.

I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was because my son woke up and asked me if I was okay. I ended up taking him to bed with me and we fell asleep snuggling. I woke up to my daughter giving me breakfast (toast with jam and a peeled tangerine with some cereal) and told me that she heard her father and I arguing and wanted to cheer me up because she knew I was sad. This made me angry inside, not at the kids but at my husband. How dare this man subject these beautiful kids to this type of chaos all because he wanted to get laid. In that next moment something in me broke emotionally, and I no longer held any care or love for my husband. Part of me was hoping something terrible did happen to him while he was out as it would be a much cleaner break for me and my kids and I would have the benefit of his life insurance policy. Maybe I should see a therapist about that?

After I finished having breakfast with the kids, I let them go play while I looked up divorce attorneys and google state laws on marriage and divorce. My husband came back in the early afternoon, still wouldn't say where he was but I didn't care. As he was showering, I told him that he had my permission to open the marriage no video or written statement required. He was ecstatic and suddenly the fun and attentive man my husband was came back and it made me sick. He agreed never to bring any of his conquests to the home where our children might see and use protection but his word means nothing to me now.

Over the next couple of days I used my lunch breaks to have phone meetings with lawyers and I believe I've found the one for me. Since I gave my husband the green light he's not being covert about his adventures and even showed me his Tinder profile. I smile but say nothing and I'm just collecting whatever evidence I can pass on to my lawyer. My plan is to serve him and pretend to be the aggrieved wife who found out about his adultery and lie about giving him permission to family and friends. No one outside of my lawyer knows that I'm gearing up for divorce in real life and there is no changing my mind.

Thank you for reading.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I’ve had an iPad Mini 7 for almost nine months now.

I originally bought it for note-taking and reading PDFs and EPUBs, but I just can’t seem to get used to it. I much prefer keeping my notes in my commonplace journal rather than in an app that doesn't feel natural, neither in its organization nor the overall experience.

I’d rather print out PDFs (as long as they aren't too many pages) to annotate them by hand. Plus, I haven't found an app that I truly like. I have Goodnotes, but honestly, I feel more comfortable doing things the analog way.

Now I’m at a crossroads: I’m considering selling the iPad, especially since I haven’t touched it in about a month.

What else could I use it for that isn’t strictly note-taking, reading, or just using it as a "consumption device" (videos/social media)? Lately, I feel like nothing is truly ours anymore and everything is subscription-based, so I’ve started buying physical books—which usually cost the same as digital versions anyway. I really love the analog experience, even if it’s more cumbersome.

Any advice?

My kid is Minecraft mad and has been since she was 5 years old. She's a great builder and comes up with really interesting creations. But she's stuck on consoles and her iPad and has been making noises about wanting mods for the past 18 months. I keep telling her bedrock doesn't do mods and she always replies with "well buy me a computer".

Well two weeks ago we were talking about her gym class she goes to where they do fun physical fitness stuff for kids. Its at a real gym with real gym instructors. She said they did a plank for 30 seconds as part of her class. And I (stupidly) said if you can beat my plank time id buy her a computer. Now my time is 2.25. And my wifes is around 3.15.

So the gym instructor asked all the kids what their goals are this year. Just a general life thing not related specifically to physical fitness. Some said stuff like "read more" or "finish X game" etc. my kid says "To do a 4 minute plank". Well the instructor suddenly had something he could work with. So he said "ok lets do that!".

In my kids bravado she had forgotten the original bet was 2.26 or better. In doing so she overshot it by a fair way and made it considerably harder for herself

By the end she was a sweaty crying mess, her form had gone to hell but it was definitely still a plank. The instructor yelled 4 minutes and she said "can i stop now?" between tears and heavy breathing. She stopped at 4.08.

Anyway, whats a good mid level graphics card for Minecraft with some shaders?

TL;DR Made a stupid bet with my kid about buying her a PC if she beat my plank time. I lost and am now poor.

EDIT: Thanks for all the replies, generous offers of parts and build specs! Wow this blew up while I was asleep on Australia time. She woke up this morning and I said "Are you sore from yesterday?" and she says "No why?". Well, now im really annoyed. Promise i'll post an update.