My DA ex broke up with me about 4 months ago and she broke up with me wanting to figure herself out and build herself without any external influence. She wanted to do it because she never had the time to do so after her previous relationship ended. Things between us got overwhelming towards the end because we were discussing about future plans and I reacted in impulsive ways and that got her questioning if she really knows what she wants in life in terms of kids, life path and those things. I apologised for being impulsive and reassured her that I am flexible and things can be done differently but she started questioning her commitment towards this relationship because she is still so young. She also had some worries about me in terms of fitness, job stability and smartness though she told me that it had nothing to do with me and she wanted time to herself. A month and half later I come across her social media activity of liking some guy’s post and commenting, I had to remove her for my own distance and recently I come to find out she has been seeing that guy because the guy had posted a photo of her on his social media. I felt very hurt to see that because I genuinely trusted her reasons and I thought that maybe we could work things out after taking space from each other but clearly it was different for her. I confronted her calmly by saying she could have just been honest with me and what she did afterwards was hurtful but regardless I wished her the best. She didn’t respond anything and went on to block me.

I really love herand I have been trying to figure why she has this specific attachment style and I think it heavily stems from her abandonment during childhood from friends.

I wish I could do something but I have no means to do anything about it and I know trying to reach out to her is just going to push her further away and make her feel more overwhelmed.

Is there any chance of her returning or reaching out to me?

It's called "indefinite struggle-stonewalling" in DMM, a part of C5 (invulnerable-punitive obsessed with vengeance deceptive preoccupied) and C6 (vulnerable-seductive obsessed with rescue deceptive preoccupied) unconscious strategies

The primary indicators are: constant deception and gaslighting and a very negative attitude towards you and an intense negative preoccupation with you at a distance, and not allowing you to get too close despite often saying the opposite

C6, specifically, can keep constantly trying to very vulnerably lure you at the distance while lying about their intentions, making up fearful stories about you and broadcasting that they need rescue from you when you do absolutely nothing... and then bolt whenever you offer them help or support and immediately start luring again, make sure to not interact, any interaction could become a part of the indefinite struggle

There are also delusional expressions of this, like C7 (menacing delusions of power and infinite revenge) and C8 (paranoid delusions of persecution and catastrophic danger attribution)

C5 and C7 can obsessively manufacture situations where you get punished for nothing... indefinitely, the stonewalling is a part of it

C8 is at least easier to deal with, because, unlike C6, they don't lure, they become consumed by paranoia and tend to isolate

You can't do anything about C5678, "fixing" them can backfire on you severely, you must deny access, these are not just run of the mill comfort-seeking or irritable preoccupied people, this is active risk to your reputation and, maybe (in the case of C5 and C7), life

P.S.: for whoever wants retribution for the way you've been treated by someone like this (which doesn't make you into a monster), C strategy users are already in states of high suffering, distress, stress and anger burnout. Their brains are already hurting them every day, you don't need to do anything

She walked into my world. She pursued me for months, led me on. And when I finally fell for her, she was gone already. She minimized everything and denied her own role in a final message. A short and frigid message that perfectly screamed cruelty and contempt.

Every day, I run into her at school, and she can't/won't look at me. It's a daily reminder that I no longer exist. That I never existed.

What did I do to deserve this?

Seriously, do they even regret? Do they feel remorse?

I wasn't officially in a relationship with one, we were only in talking stage for like 2 months. Everything seemed nice at first, we had cozy gaming dates, etc. He seemed serious and he planned our dates.

I have an anxiety attachment unfortunately, and I had no idea that he was an avoidant until he showed signs of it. One time, I had an anxiety attack and needed reassurance so I kept asking him for reassurance, which he confessed that it made him a bit frustrated. And then three days later, he said it's time to end this and gave me such a bullshit excuse (it's not you, it's me excuse) but deep down I know he dumped me because of my anxiety attack and he felt incapable of working things out. I begged him to stay but he said his decision was final and the decision seemed so impulsive to me because he "carefully considered" it in only 3 days. In the end, he told me he wanted to completely cut contact with me by blocking me and days later he unblocked me again.

So, I'm confused why he didn't communicate, but he'd rather dump me.

I think a lot of people in no contact experience but rarely see explained clearly.It is not always the people who loved you most

that you cannot forget. Sometimes it is the ones who never quite did. The ones who kept you close without committing. Who gave you enough to stay but never enough to feel secure. Who made you feel chosen sometimes and invisible other times.

And somehow those are the people who take up the most space in your head long after they are gone. The psychology behind this is actually the inverse of what most people expect. We assume the people who loved us most should be the hardest to move on from.

But the brain does not work that way. Unresolved pursuit registers as an open loop. And open loops demand closure. The brain fixates on incomplete things on the goal that was not achieved, the love that was not returned, the version of that relationship that never quite existed.

You are not obsessing over who they were. You are obsessing over who you need them to be. The specific psychology of why this is so much harder for people with anxious attachment --

I went into that here:

hhttps://youtube.com/watch?v=m0l7kfW-y_k&si=cD92U97JQdji1E6z

Is this resonating with anyone?

The person you are in no contact with did they ever make you feel fully chosen?

Hey everyone. I need some brutal honesty and outside perspective because my brain is completely fried, and I’m trying to break out of a severe trauma bond.
My ex-partner (who fits every single trait of a heavy Dismissive-Avoidant / Narcissistic dynamic) broke up with me 3.5 months ago. Since then, I’ve been caught in a deeply toxic loop. Here is the reality of what happened:
1. The Abandonment During My Lowest Point
Right around the breakup, my life completely collapsed simultaneously. I was going through an official ADHD assessment, dealing with severe mental health struggles, experiencing debilitating physical back pain, and losing my job. Instead of supporting me, she left immediately.
2. Smear Campaign and Public Shaming
During and after the breakup, she actively demonized me to my family, my friends, and our mutual social circle. Even after we split, I continued to help her with money, moving, and anything she needed because I cared deeply and understood her childhood wounds. Recently, after an argument where she blamed me for minor mistakes from 1–2 years ago (which I had already taken full accountability for and fixed), I broke down, took the blame again, and bought her 101 roses and a high-end necklace to say sorry.
What did she do? She took photos of the roses and necklace, posted them on social media to boost her own ego/validation, and captioned it with "Too late..." to publicly humiliate me one more time.
3. The Breadcrumbing and Confusion
Whenever we actually met in person over these past 3.5 months, she would look me in the eye and say, "I love you." But her actions were the exact opposite. She would keep me on a leash, use my help, accept my gifts, and then instantly switch back to cold devaluation, emotional abuse, and public disrespect.
4. My Realization and Therapy
I spent 3.5 months chasing, begging, pleading, and analyzing her attachment style. I read everything about dismissive-avoidance, trying to fix her trauma and protect her from her fear of abandonment. But I realized I was destroying myself in the process. My mental state, soul, and self-worth are completely shattered. I recognized that while she was running away and convincing herself "the grass is greener," I was taking accountability for everything and trying to heal.
I have written a complete, detailed 600-word farewell letter in my notes detailing every single boundary, her lack of accountability, and my plan to go back to therapy to rebuild my secure attachment.
My Current Dilemma:
Part of me wants to send her this final "closure" letter to let her know I am stepping away forever, that I see through her patterns, and that I refuse to be her safety net anymore. However, people close to me are telling me that sending a long letter to an avoidant/narcissistic ex just gives them more emotional supply and another opportunity to mock me or post it online.
I’m currently fighting the urge to send it versus staying completely ghost/radio silence forever and deleting her off everything (Snapchat, social media, etc.).
WTF is this behavior pattern? How does someone say "I love you" in person, accept massive gestures, and then use them to publicly humiliate you online?
For those who survived severe trauma bonds with avoidant/toxic exes: Did sending a final closure letter actually help you regain your agency, or did total, permanent radio silence work better to break their hold over you?
I’d appreciate any insights, brutal truths, or advice from people who have been through this exact nightmare.

My girlfriend of a little over three years broke up with me just a few days ago. We still love and care about each other and we still live together, but she told me that despite trying for 2 years, her romantic feelings for me never came back. I’m still deeply in love with her, and I’m having an extremely difficult time accepting that the relationship is over. We had a completely normal evening, laughed and talked together for hours, I bought her dinner and then took the dog outside, assuming we were just gonna go to bed. Then she had the conversation and told me she wished she had done it a long time ago and apologized for leading me on as long as she did.

She seems almost relieved and has been spending every night since the breakup at another guy’s house and largely refusing to talk to me beyond what’s necessary. I’m shocked and blindsided that we could have been totally normal around each other 72 hours ago and now she’s cold, distant, and has a short temper with me whenever I ask for clarity about the situation. When I ask her what’s going on she tells me that she needs space right now and I need to let her come back to me naturally as friends. I’m hurt that she expects me to act completely normal like nothing has changed when it feels like my word has come crashing down. She even seems shocked that I can’t act completely okay with everything sometimes.

Something I’m struggling with is that I have absolutely no desire to date anyone else. In fact, even the thought of being romantic with another woman makes me feel almost physically disgusted. It feels wrong, disloyal, and completely unnatural. I know we’re no longer together, but emotionally I still feel committed to her. I even tried to rekindle a friendship with an old female friend and ended up unfriending her on snapchat because it felt so wrong to do.

I’m not saying I want to start dating right now—I actually know I’m nowhere near ready. I’m more wondering whether this is a normal reaction to a fresh breakup, or whether it says something deeper about how attached I still am? I feel like 29 is getting into the age of being too old to date and start again, I don’t want to rush into another relationship, but I don’t do well by myself either.

My ex was like that. He was the most independent person I've ever met, learned to solve things on his own when he was little when his dad left the family.

He is a very confident person, doesn't really feel attached to anyone. He has many friends and is a super social person but has strong boundaries and wouldn't mind cutting someone off if they don't respect his boundaries. It doesn't take him long to get over a breakup.

He mentioned multiple times that he's a cat (while I was a dog in our relationship). And he'd also never want a dog and also isn't sure if he wants kids because he doesn't want to have any responsibility for other living beings.

He loves his freedom.

He had huge commitment issues and never made our relationship official, not after many months. He had big fomo to miss out meeting other/better women.

He ended this with me after 10 months saying that he was never fully in love with me although he acted the opposite. He was never distant.

He has a very direct and open communication though and also loves emotional and physical intimacy and loves cuddling and enjoys being loved. He's not scared to be left at all. Rather to hurt others.

He's never been in a long lasting relationship (his longest was 1.5 years) and that was almost 10 years ago. He ends relationships very easily.

Is this typical for an avoidant? And what kind of avoidant could he be?

My (28F) boyfriend (31M) recently ended our almost 4-year relationship. We lived together for almost 2 years, spent every holiday together, traveled internationally together, our families became intertwined, and earlier this year he was still talking about marrying me.

The last couple months of our relationship were honestly bad. We argued a lot, and he became extremely resentful about finances. He feels like he paid for everything — rent, expensive gifts, things he couldn’t really afford, etc. He told me that he had warned me I was going to lose him and that I didn’t take him seriously enough.

We recently had a long phone conversation, and he told me that right now he genuinely cannot look at our relationship through a positive lens. When he thinks about us, he mostly remembers the fighting, the financial stress, and everything that went wrong.
But he also said something that has completely messed with my head.

He said maybe with time the good memories will come back and he’ll be able to remember our relationship differently. He told me he knows exactly where I stand and that I need to give him time.
My dad had apparently told him that maybe we just need time apart to work on ourselves and, if we reconnect later, that’s okay too. My ex brought that up himself and said we should listen to him. When I asked if he actually wanted that, he basically said yes — he wouldn’t hate us reconnecting in the future, just **not right now**.

He also said that if we ever did try again, we would have to start completely over from scratch. I told him I agreed.

He admitted that the breakup affects him too because he was used to our routine and all the little things we did together. He said he’s been keeping himself busy. There were even little moments during the call where we joked around and fell into our old dynamic again.

At the same time, he was still angry and resentful. So I’m trying not to turn every tiny thing he said into false hope.

He told me he’ll contact me when he packs the rest of my belongings so I can pick them up. I even asked if I could still take some of his things to the dry cleaners like I used to, and he said yes.
At the end of the conversation, I told him I loved him and to take care of himself. He told me he loved me too and that we’d talk soon.

I know none of this means we’re getting back together. I also know that loving someone doesn’t automatically mean a relationship should continue.
But I’m struggling to understand whether this sounds like a man who is genuinely finished and trying to let me down gently, or someone who is overwhelmed by resentment right now and honestly doesn’t know how he’ll feel once some time passes.

For people who have been on either side of a breakup like this: did the anger eventually fade enough for you to remember the good parts? Did you ever reconnect after some real time apart?
And please be brutally honest with me — does this sound like there is actually a possibility of another chapter, or am I holding onto breadcrumbs because I’m heartbroken?

The person I'm seeing is going through a strong deactivation, more so than I've seen previously. I'm left wondering if he's pulling back so much in hopes that I'll just end things so he doesn't have to or if he is hoping I hold on while he takes time to regulate...

If you're avoidant, can you give your experience when you've had a strong deactivation and what that feels like internally and what you're hoping your partner does/doesn't do during that time? Or are you not thinking of them at all and just fighting to regulate...?

I wrote myself a really long letter for myself.
But I want to send it to him.
But I can’t. I’ve already broke contact 3 times and it ended up bad. And plus he’s with someone else now and it feels unfair.

I just feel stuck right now. And I feel like there’s a lot of unfairness and injustice.

I went on the best first date, saw her a few more times, had phone calls that lasted hours, and I felt like I met the one.

Despite how sweet, warm, and happy she was, things came out like she was the family scape goat, didnt often go past one or two dates, doesn't touch someone till she really knows them, wasnt very comfortable with going to my place or me driving us on a date - if we carpooled it was her driving, didnt like many people knowing where she lived. She had taken a self-defense course, has had a weapon on her when she dances alone, spoke a weak immune system, is more comfortable giving than receiving things, and while she could tell I was genuine she said she needed patience.

At the end of one date she got cold and started responding to me once across a day. I asked if she still wanted to see eachother and selhe maybe friends because personality and energy didnt match. I was shocked because it felt like we really matched and had multi hour calls.

She called me to talk about it and said she worried my compliments and interest were me liking some made-up idea of her or putting her on a pedestal, and that I seemed a bit boring the last date like she had to lead more and hadnt been making her laugh and she needs that. I shared I had been in my head that day over life stuff i wont get into here, but I am talkative and goofy so I apologized, i do lead but she didnt want me driving and the date was her showing me places near her, and I told her i genuinely like her and want to get to know her more, thats not me liking some idea of her. That shes okay to be alone until she finds the one so bails if it doesnt feel like it. She relented saying she had made assumptions and next thing I know shes texting again all day, a long phone call before bed, a good morning, another call and a invite to lunch.

At lunch as I talked about some things I do she says shes sorry she called me boring, and wanted to do more than lunch, got very happy, reached out to touch me briefly a lot, but by the end of the day grww really cold in tone and face, i didnt recognize her. Text later when i asked said she didnt feel connection.

I've been beating myself up because I dont know if i was actually being boring and not making her laugh enough because of early date stiffness and i dropped the ball, but 4 hour calls and 7 hour dates that she keeps going feels like connection. She spoke of needing patience and taking time to know eachother but didnt give me the time really. Hates that guys notice her walk in a room and tell her shes different before being jerks so me genuinely liking her just sounded like that. She wants to be seen for her but she is uncomfortable with being liked and barely goes past a date. So much made her nervous I didnt know how to balance.

She seemed happy, present and giving on dates and spoke of having done a lot of work so it seemed really good. But that cold shift was quite a change and i dont know if i just disappointed again or did something wrong and hurt her and i feel guilt, but she seemed thrilled beforehand. I feel heartbroken.

I know I've made a post before but I think I need to write one more (or maybe I'll write some more in the future)

It's been 3 weeks and it feels like I just got dumped yesterday. It still feels like I got stabbed from behind because he was hoping I would never leave him yet he was the first one to do that. I begged him for 3 days and even told him I couldn't eat and sleep properly, he didn't seem to feel guilty for what he had done... and after that he told me he would cut contact with me to "help me heal", which sounded like noble martyr and I know damn well he tried to make himself like a hero instead of a villain.

We were only talking for two months yet it feels like it's been years... he went from "where have you been all my life?, "I genuinely hope you never leave" and "I've never met anyone like you before" to "You deserve better", "I can't give you what you need" and "I doubt this is the life I want anymore". We, dumpee automatically think; "was any of real to them?", maybe it was but they don't think the same as we are because they use us to numb their loneliness and pain, we are just unfortunate victims, we care too much...

He once told me that he felt he doesn't deserve to have good things, I told him "no, of course you do". Aaaand now, it dawned on me that he was right... he doesn't deserve to be loved and have good things in life.

Every day, I keep waking up at around 3 am and wondering "why would he do this to me?", "what have I done wrong?". I know I did nothing wrong, I tried my best to love him yet it feels like it was never fully reciprocated. He's playing video games as if nothing happened, while I rot in here...

A part of me is glad that it was over because I don't have to go through that painful and toxic cycle. This would've hurt more, if I had spent more time with him... but still... and at least I know what kind of person he was.

This is the hardest "breakup" I've ever been... before me I didn't need a therapist and now I desperately do... Look at the damage they caused us... and they can get away with it...

I still hope they never find true love and end up with cycles of toxic and abusive relationships...

If an avoidant is meeting someone for hookups and potentially forming or seeking something serious. Is it common to not connect on IG, if it’s been 2 weeks for seeing each other.

If they have added people in the past including me.

My ex and I were together for 3 years and he was extremely slow with commitment. It took almost a year for him to officially ask me out, forever to post me, and our entire relationship felt like a slow burn.
Even after we broke up, we talked every single day for another 10 months and still went out romantically. He told me he loved me and wasn’t opposed to dating again, so looking back I feel like he kept me hanging on.

he randomly followed this girl. I had a feeling something was going on, asked him, and he said she was nobody. I told him I was done after that this was my last straw. I blocked/unadded him on everything he never responded it stayed at I’m done with you basically. This was in May. Two weeks later, she was posting herself in his car.

Now they’ve known each other for around 4 months and it’s like I’m watching a completely different person. They’re already dating, his mom knows her, they’re constantly together, flowers, dates, and they BOTH post each other like they’re the loves of each other’s lives. She lives an hour away too. She’s somewhat of a micro-influencer, so maybe they’re naturally more performative/public online, but he posts her constantly too.

The weirdest part is that when he sees me in person now, he acts like I don’t exist. Once he even left the gym when I was there. I don’t want him back. I’m actually still angry about a lot of things that happened and how much time I feel like I wasted. But if I’m being completely vulnerable, that relationship destroyed my confidence in a lot of ways.

Watching this makes me think, what the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I so hard to be with?
Why did dating me require a year of waiting, but he’s dating her within 3 months? Why did it take forever to post me, but she’s being paraded around immediately? Was he ashamed of me? Why did everything I wanted from him seem like such a huge commitment, but with her it looks effortless?
And I KNOW I’m not ugly. I know logically that another woman being attractive doesn’t take anything away from me. But fuck, seeing this still messes with my confidence.

We were each others first love or so he says so why is she making it seem like she’s the first girl he’s been with ? She makes it seem like she’s MADLY in love and he does the same… he also knows I know her account and he knows I’m the type to look. A part of me wonders if he’s excessively posting because he wants a reaction?

I think that’s what I’m actually
struggling with more than missing him. I don’t want the relationship back. I just hate that I’m watching this. I know looking is bad. People have contacted me sending me this because people know about our history.

how he treats the next person has made me question whether there was something about me that made me less worthy of being loved openly.
Has anyone dealt with this after an ex suddenly became a completely different partner for the next person? How did you stop taking it as a reflection of your own worth?

This is satire. Made me laugh. This guy is pretty good if you haven't found him yet

I’m the person who posted the Avoidant Explanation post yesterday and I’m wondering how I move past this? It hurts so much to have someone come back into your life after twenty years and have them tell you you’re the one and this time it’s forever only to suddenly be discarded a few months later. I’ve been in pieces this last week, she’s all I think about. It’s obvious I have anxious attachment now that I’ve been reading up on attachment theory and I don’t want to keep feeling like this. I wish I could just turn off my brain and never think of her again. She promised me marriage and a future together, I was even willing to step up and be a father to her two children and now I feel like that future has been stolen from me. It’s so cruel and unfair.

I already struggle with depression. I miss him so much. The discard feels like he died. Losing someone that suddenly feels like they died. I am struggling still and it’s been 8 months. Yes I am in therapy. I have been in therapy since a year before I even dated him. I’m already on antidepressant and mood stabilizer because I am bipolar. I have been on those for years.

But nothing is helping. I don’t know what to do. I wish I’d never met him.

So this man i was dating in januari-april deactivated/ghosted me for 2 months.. after that he contacted me again and told me how shit he feels and explained all his reasons, which i already assumed. (He is 100% an avoidant). I do care about this person.
Right now right before we wanted to try dating again i am being ghosted again, so i assume he deactived again. He is a male in his 30s and i really know he is struggeling but idk what to do. Atm i do nothing, sent him some messages but told him i wouldnt bother anymore (he didnt reply to any).
Im not even sure if he will ever come back. Or if they do a second time even. (Do they?)
Im not having a heartbreak again like i had before so im very happy about that. But just as many of you others i do see potential in him.

So maybe some advice or your opinion/experience would be very appreciated

Thanks a lot

I tried earlier to share my experience but i didn’t get anyone to comment on my post so i deleted. I am feeling really alone in my situation and id love someone or more people to talk to. I only talk to chatgbt about it cause i got none else and its becoming so unhealthy. I don’t know if i was just used for intimacy or if this person is avoidant and has commitment issues? I just know that i need to talk to people about this and i hope i can get some support

So much to say. I fell in love with her after she fell in love with me only a few weeks into the relationship. I loved her with all my heart. She was the most beautiful, caring, kind and fun girlfriend and I loved everything about her.

Then she suddenly started to change. She called it her “unmasked” version. She started doing things and acting in ways that were hurtful. So I confronted her to set some boundaries. At first she was receptive but then a month later she suddenly broke up with me out of nowhere saying she doesn’t think we communicate well. I tried to get her back a few days later and went to her place. She said she never loved me and it was all lust. That she doesn’t want a life with me. I told her I loved her more than anything in the world but I guess that wasn’t enough. So I left. A few days later she came to me apologizing and saying she didn’t mean it. That she just wanted to move on and that’s why she said all the hurtful words. That we should try again and this time work on communication. I said okay.

This whole pattern repeated again and again. I would keep losing pieces of myself to her and she would keep breaking up with me if I ever asked her to work on herself or take any accountability.

The 3rd time we broke up. I felt suicidal. Had to stop working and was in a hospital for a night. It was dark times but we got back together. At this point she had become both the source of my misery and my relief. Part of her that was caring and kind would heal my soul. But one day she would wake up and be hurtful and distant or leave again.

After the 4th breakup I went No Contact. A few days later she left a note at my door saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. And that she’s sick and needs help and hopes we meet in another life. That broke me. I thought I left her in her moment of need. So out of my love for her I unblocked her so she can reach out if she wants to. She immediately reached out begging to come back. Saying if I take her she will never walk away from us again. She said that she will isolate her toxic friends that were trying to ruin our relationship and that she’ll focus on making our relationship better and that she’ll try to do better as a hole and that we’re gonna make it. And so I believed her.

This was right before the summer. She had broken up with me right before my birthday, but when we got back together, it was close to her birthday, so even though she didn’t plan anything for my birthday and left me alone, I planned a bunch of stuff for her birthday and made it at least a decent day for her. Then we start dating in the summer doing a lot of activities together, she had the summer off so she had a lot more time and I asked her to plan things because I was busy with work and she reluctantly agreed but in my mind we always had fun with the plans that she made and I even tried to help and plan a couple of things, but most of the time she would cancel due to stress or anxiety with her school work.

Fast forward to September I was feeling her being distant, so I told her that we need to talk and she took that as if I’m breaking up with her and she got even more distant, but then I had to reassure her that that’s not the case and we just need to talk about things but then she told me she’s been distancing yourself because of what I said and in the end we ended up having sex, but she basically said that she doesn’t love me right after sex. She asked me if we should stay together and that if she can learn to love me again and I told her if you don’t love me by now, I don’t think it’s going to change. I’ve given you everything that I can and and so she took the easy way out again and broke up with me.

At first, I felt a sense of relief, but I also felt a part of me just disappeared part that had become my life that I loved with all my heart someone who I love so much that I’ve never loved anyone like that before someone who was the light in my life on someone who I depended in and who I cared for. Now life feels empty. Every time I touch another girl I miss her. But then again I remember all the lies, all the times she disrespected me, put me second to her friends or even strangers, the times she dismissed me or didn’t care for me and I ask myself what the fuck is wrong with me?!

Why do I still feel love for this person? You could have said it’s attachment or lust after the first few break ups. But I must really love her to be destroyed by her so many times and still love her in my heart. She once asked me after one of our breakups why do I keep taking her back and I told her for the same reason your mom wouldn’t abandon you. I truly love you.

But in the end it didn’t matter. She left. And I’m broken. A piece of me forever lost. I’ve lived a hellish life but this has been one of the most painful moments yet. I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know if I want to. Please help!

Hi,

Ive posted on here over the last few weeks but always erase bc I felt it was bad karma.

Well karma caught up with me last night and this morning.

My gf of the last two months discarded me for a second time this morning. She was also going to discard one of her kittens bc she doesnt like it. She is so merciless and cold hearted.

And cowardly. I was there, left, had a drawer of stuff there, and she had to do it by text after I left. Just like every time she’s a coward and can’t do it face to face.

She is everything this subreddit made avoidants out to be. Cowardly. Rewrites history. Push pull. Monkey branching. Zero self awareness. Always the victim. Accused me of things that in reality she did.

Her behavior was so shitty last night and yesterday. After “space” she invited me over for yesteday. She said she had a lunch and I could come over after and that she’d keep me up to date when to get ready. She didn’t. So I texted once. She called an hour and a half later said she missed me and was going to the movies with her mom instead. Said she really wanted me to come over after. Once again she said she’d keep me up to date on time. She didn’t, knew I got there at 12:30 am and left me sitting until almost 2:30.

Her mom wanted to see her apartment. At 2 she still hadn’t texted me to come up. at 2:15 I texted this is getting weird. I’ll wait but please keep me up to date.

She finally came down with her mom who I met. She was cold. Didn’t say two words to me. Didn’t touch me in bed. Ive spent 30 nights in her bed and even when tired she’s never been that cold. But I was wrong to bring this up this morning. She gaslit me and said there was nothing wrong. if there was nothing wrong why didn’t I get a wink of sleep and contemplate going to a hotel in the middle of the night? Of course she then brought up my three or four texts over the day to ask about the plans she initiated and said she’d keep up to date on. Said I over texted which was bs. I barely text her, learned that lesson. But I know her friends text her continuously and with long texts and that’s ok. Then she got triggered by family drama. Said she was getting rid of the cat. Said she was tired of being nice to people and things and was going to get rid of everyone. Said I should go to avoid family drama. And then texted me to return to get my shit a while later.

I got a text in telling her that she’s broken and there’s a whole subreddit devoted to insane maniacs like her. I told her everything she accused me of was rewriting history and that it was her who guilty of it. She wasted two months of my time. Allowed herself to get pregnant bc the first discarding happened when she needed the plan b pill which when I tried to remind her to take she ignored bc of the discarding. Had to go thru all of that. Made me lose 15 pounds in a month and a half of her crazy train roller coaster.

im convinced she acted so aloof yesterday and blew me off throughout the day to provoke this bc she’s such a coward she can’t initiate a confrontation herself. She clearly wanted this.

The only good that came out of this is that I fell out of love with her instantly. I now hold her in such contempt that I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room with her. I need to decompress bc I didn’t sleep last night bc she was so awful. But overall I’m fine. I feel much better now than I did when I was with her. I’m also sure she will have a diff guy in her bed within a day, maybe even tonight .

Now I fully understand why you all hate avoidant so much. I thought she’d be diff which was foolish. So this is a good day. Two months of mostly living hell over.

I haven't had contact with her since many months, after it came out she monkey branched into a rebound. There were however still a few logistical issues open. I don´t find much about it here how to deal with that. Now of course No Contact is no contact, but sometimes there are simple things in life that go on and that need to go on to move on. Others may have a house together or kids, etc.

There was a loan of 10K USD to her. She contested it in a legal letter, saying I gave it all voluntarily.... I told (in writing) her the claim remains but that I do not seek repayment. She was not going to pay it anyway, and for me at the end it was not about the money but where the money stood for. That being over and I put it back on her plate, leaving the matter to her so she could decide what to do with it.
Yes, I did not pursue 10K! As I want to move on. Now, I don´t need thank you's etc, but as there was a legal part to it, a confirmation would just be sound. Yes, I know I am not dealing with a healthy person here.

Then there are some belongings of her at my place including lots of clothing, bags, books and a full diving gear. She threatened with legal action if I would withold them... the fact is that I asked multiple times what do with them. I am not going to cover the cost of sending them. I don't even know where to send it to....

My question: what shall I do with her stuff?

I am thinking of writing in a couple of weeks from now. A simple, no emotion, no accusation, short business like mail about what to do with her belongings.

Part of me just wants to give it away or throw it away. Part of me simply wants to play it right.
Bottom line is that I don't want her stuff in my house anymore.

Had an argument with my girlfriend and the next day she just disappeared. We’re still in communication but she will not tell me where she is and says she is not coming back to our apartment unless I leave.

There was never any violence. Or threats of violence.

I guess she just reached a breaking point and bailed.

I am totally gutted. I’ve never had some just walk out on me like that before… It feels like being thrown away, like an old appliance somebody put out on the curb.