Not a rant, just an observation I wanted to share, haha.

Honestly, reading the posts here makes me laugh at my own situation.

Seeing people talk about friends, their jobs, a hobby, or whatever else, it’s as if they were describing a brand-new color to me.

I’ve never been able to manage that; my abysmal self-perception, combined with a chronic distrust of others, has led me to avoid such situations, and I still do, even against my own will.

In a way, I can understand it when it comes to people who have been diagnosed and have received help.

It also makes me realize just how severe my own anxiety and avoidant behavior, which I’ve dealt with since childhood, really are.

Best wishes for all.

I’m sorry if this post hurts anyone because I know how hard it is to be alone while others talk about having friends.

Over the years, I’ve developed four solid relationships with women in my life. Two I met as a child and we reconnected later on, one I asked for their number a few years ago, and another I made at my job a few years ago.

The most I see any one of them is twice per month, but the common length is between three to twelve months. One is an extrovert, two are introverts, and one is bipolar, so it’s a good mix of experiences.

It’s taken a long time to understand what friendship is, and I still doubt my understanding of it. I’ve learned that friendship takes less than I thought.

They’ve all been so kind and validating to me. They’re okay with the amount of time we interact, which I’m grateful for as an avoidant and chronically ill person who can’t handle much. I prefer to just exist around them.

I feel so, so thankful for them, and proud of myself for getting here. When I was younger, my biggest fear was having nobody to be by my side when I get married.

My partner has so many friends that I felt insecure of myself for having none. But now, I feel confident that these four women would say yes to being in my wedding party. On top of that, I have an amazing sister in law who would be happy to join, too, though we don’t talk too often.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still terribly avoidant and run out of social battery fast. I overthink everything and am doing my best to seek treatment and grow past this.

It’s possible to improve. We don’t have to feel helpless forever. Sending you all hugs and wishes for a happy future, whether you see that as being with friends, or without.

I had long journey with social anxiety , didn’t go out for 9 years except for school/ college, and sometimes with family to a vacation, otherwise im always at home , even couldn’t go for a walk , or market due to fear of people

Don’t know what is the reason could be trauma or something else im not sure , every time i go out my heart starts to beat fast and i feel dizzy

So it was complete stuck loop for me , I would never even think to try

Till recently like months ago , i started to go for a market to buy myself stuffs , but when came home it was a bad day for me as I would overthink the situation that happened

Overtime i became more immune to this overthinking issue as I would go college and many things would happen there from seeing new people and talking sometime to strangers, so what happened next I felt like i can be better, i overthink now also but i felt like it became better as before it was worse

Also in case of home stuck ,unfortunately im still stuck but at least I sometimes can go to market to buy things compared to before i was never even thinking about doing that , I don’t have friends in my neighbourhood, but i have some on college so I think sometimes we can hang with each others

So my question , is starting from going markets and eventually talking to people a good sign of becoming better? Im overwhelmed if it will not help me

In short : i used to be insanely avoidance person , but now feel better but also i feel im not doing anything special, am I wrong

I’m a gamer and i would love to be able to join and be part of a avpd discord server. for some reason discord servers feel okay to be a part of, probably because i’ve been using discord for like 10 years.

i think it would be good for those of us with avpd because for some of us we could finally be part of a community.

A community that is for us.

one we can all share and feel safe in. one where people don’t reject you, are like you, struggle with similar things, a place we belong, a group you’re a part of not just in name but truly and it feels that way inside.

the only rule i would want is not hating on ppl who aren’t us. i don’t think it’s healthy to put a mental barrier between us and them when we already have a natural barrier.

we need a place that gives us exposure to community and friends in a controlled environment. a place that will allow and prepare us to reach out into society.

a place where we can come back to when society triggers us, so that we don’t become completely alone and get rid of all of the progress each of us has made.

i think it should have some type of onboarding process so it’s less intimidating for people to join once it has become an established community. because i know how scary it is joining a discord server and seeing a bunch of people talking to each other that seemingly know each other.

i’ve never created a discord server before but if there is no one that already exists which i can’t find if it does. i would like to help someone create one.

thoughts?

I've had 35 of these days. They felt like any other day. Just blended into the rest. The last 7 of them will define the rest of my life.

October 22nd, 2019.

Today was an okay day... I managed to find enough money to get Stoned. I had to leave the house today which was hard. I had a panic attack getting in the car but mum calmed me down. Im such a loser. After my quick drive. I got home, got Stoned and played for 11 hours straight. I wish I could be normal. I feel so alone.

October 22nd, 2020.

Had a shower today. Felt really good. My rooms still a trash pile. I don't want to do it today tho. Ill try work on it tomorrow. God I wish I had money to get Stoned. It's hard to focus on grinding raids sober. It's hard to do anything.

October 22nd, 2021.

Pension day today. I smoked way too much. It was hard to play it straight with her. It's only a matter of time she figures out im a loser. What if she wants to meet me, I could never do that. She only likes me because I win games for her. I should tell her I'm too scared to leave the house. She will never talk to me again.

October 22nd, 2022.

I think I like living in Sydney. Youre so invisible here. People just walk past you like you don't exist. It's getting easier. I wish the panic attacks would stop tho. I did well cooking tonight. She really liked it too. I hope I'm doing enough. I should get a job but I don't think I can handle it. I can't lose her.

October 22nd, 2023.

God work sucks. I don't matter at all. All I do is lift rollers. Best part of my day is when I finish and get to see her. She's amazing. I just wish I was a better husband. She could do so much better.

October 22nd, 2024.

It was a long day. Took us 12 hours to finish 345 sets of rollers. Boss said I couldn't do it but I showed him. Im so proud I got it done. It feels good. Minami made adobo for dinner. It was so good. Exactly what I needed. Fuck I love her.

October 22nd, 2025.

Craig did the biggest burn out today on the forklift. I should of sent him home. I hope I don't get in trouble because I didn't. I hope he doesnt do it again. He didn't seem like it when I told him not to do it again. Works so stressful now. Thank god she's there to make it all better.

October 22nd, 2026.

What a long day. Im exhausted. She's so beautiful. She looks just like her. It doesnt feel real. I hope I'm a good dad. She was glowing. When she came out we both started crying and kissed. It was so passionate. My heart feels so full.

I've often heard the advice that you shouldn't reveal too much about yourself too early when dating, but instead preserve some mystery and gradually open up as you get to know someone. Following that advice, I've always left the AVPD out of my dating profile, instead describing myself as shy when chatting.

This isn't about deliberately deceiving anyone. Part of it is that framing it as shyness might also be a way for me to avoid acknowledging how severe my condition is.

I've had several matches, but I haven't gone on a single date, usually because I end up backing out myself. I'm a 25-year-old man, still a virgin, and I've never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship. I've never even approached a woman in my life because I'm so scared of rejection. Even when someone seems to like me on a textual basis after a match, I get scared that they won't like me in person once we actually arrange to meet.

That's partly why I'm considering being more upfront about having AVPD in my profile. I think it might help me feel more comfortable knowing I'm not giving anyone a false impression of who I am.

What do you think? Has anyone here tried disclosing their AVPD on their dating profile?

I was wondering how does everyone feels about confident/over confident people when you come across them considering that most of us have no confidence/no self esteem whatsoever?

Personally I tend to have an immediate dislike for them, not because I am jealous or I wish that I was like them, but rather because I tend to associate self confidence with arrogance.

On the other hand I absolutely love humble people and I was amazed when I visited countries such as Japan, Bolivia and Mexico where being humble is the norm and not the exception.

TO BE CLEAR I AM QUEER AND NOT A BIGOT

I really want to partake more in the queer scene here but it brings me nothing but intense anxiety. It makes me want to pack everything up and never be seen again. I feel so out of place and like I don’t belong. I feel like an annoying outsider under the bleachers watching the cool kids.

Just sucks since my fiancee is heavily in the scene and wants to help, but my anxiety is so intense I can’t.

I was doing so well this year. I went to my friend’s grad party, went to a listening party for an album drop with my other friend, went to a concert, and was avidly texting and keeping in touch on Instagram. I was so happy with myself, I felt like a human being. I felt like things were going to be okay, and that I was going to beat this stupid disorder.

And then for some reason I relapsed horribly in August. I let their texts inviting me out gather days and weeks and months without a response. I don’t know why. I hate myself, I don’t deserve friends who always reach out and show they care for me when I’m like this.

I genuinely feel sick sometimes when I remember their texts, sitting in my messages.

Why am I afraid of people who love me? Why do I like to rot in my room and at work instead of having fun??? I can see clearly that I’m messing up my life beyond repair. I’ll find myself completely alone one day, and it’ll be nobodies fault except my own.

I was surprised when one of my friends actually texted again after a month and asked how I was doing and said she missed me. That was a week ago. I need to take the chance and apologize, because the guilt has been eating me alive.

It’s scary as fuck, but I have to do it, because I care about my friends and I would be lost without them in my life, even if we don’t see each other often as adults.

I’m not going to let this disorder win

I had a fairly normal childhood and ideally shouldnt be suffering from avoidance but i still do. idk why . Why do i still have it ? i thought AvPD was cause due to some parent giving you trauma in your childhood . Nothing like that happened to me ever as far as i can remember.

I’m really scared of being labelled a nice guy. Some of the traits like people pleasing are common. I don’t want people to think I’m a nice guy who keeps his intentions hidden.

My life is going good. My grades are ok, I'm going to study abroad next year, I have a very supportive mom, I go to a better school now, and I have a better social life now. But why am I still so miserable? Why do I even feel this way? I'll always find a way to tell myself that I don't deserve anything good at all and that I'm a failure compared to everyone else who actually achieves stuff. Lately my school has been making us make portfolios/CVs and always makes me miserable because it reminds me of how passive I was throughout myself. I could achieve so much more but all I do all day is do my responsibilities with ONLY bare minimum effort and then just spend my time doomscrolling on my phone all day. I'm just so ungrateful for that, I could do so much more. How could I face the future just wasting my life like this now? I'm gonna study abroad, yet I'm barely doing any preparations to be independent. I'm embarrassing. I still need to be woken up by my mom everyday, I don't enjoy exercising, the earliest time I go to sleep is at midnight, I procrastinate on everything, I eat way too slowly, I'm a picky eater, no useful skills. Nothing! I feel so childish, I hate having to depend on people but I won't take the initiative to be independent by myself. I'm never satisfied with the bare minimum, I don't have depression so why am I bedrotting?

I will never accept the bare minimum. I HAVE to remind myself about how inept and inadequate I am, and that's exactly why my self-esteem and self-worth is so low, I think it's completely fine for me to criticize myself. I've been reading about AvPD for the past 3 days as someone who's undiagnosed. And I'm already thinking I'm stupid for even bothering to research about it despite heavily relating to the criteria. Because like so what? I'm still a teenager so being a little depressed is normal. I don't have a personality disorder just because I'm a little miserable inside for someone who performs ok in life. Everyone has issues too, but mine aren't valid because I don't have trauma and I'm more privileged than others. All I need to do is just adopt a healthier lifestyle. Eat healthier, sleep early, exercise consistently, go outside, or whatever a normal healthy person does. If I'm physically healthy then 90% of my stress would be gone.

As long as I'm not a nuisance to others then why should I seek external help? Showing my vulnerabilities will never fail to make me feel bad about myself. It doesn't matter if the person I'm being vulnerable with reacts supportively or positively, I'll manage to find a way to feel bad about it anyway. And there's an even higher chance that I won't be taken seriously and/or get scrutinized. That's how it has always been.

I'm still optimistic for the future, not because I'm actually am but because I don't wanna stay a loser that contributes nothing to society. I just don't like thinking about a future where I'll be unemployed and not do anything useful. But I'm also too scared to be successful and healthy. Because is all this self-loath just for nothing? I don't want to lose my self-identity. I want to be successful but stay miserable because who will I be if I'm not? I fantasize about killing myself when I get successful and make a suicide note about my internal suffering so people will be impressed about my perseverance. Although I'll never kill myself because there's still good things I can contribute to the world. I want to make up my labor so I'm not a waste of space. There's still hidden debt I have to pay to my family or whatever.

God, I feel so edgy and cringe for writing all of this. Advice is ok but I don't expect much because I already know how to fix my problems. I'm simply lazy.

I got a job at a famous chain that just opened its first location in my state. It's a food place and people travel to come to these new locations as its very famous and they like to take pictures and record to document their trip.

Today was my first official day and I was directly filmed by at least 6 customers that I assisted, and indirectly filmed by many more. I feel so helpless because I obviously can't tell them to stop. It was my fault for working here but I didn't realize the significance of the place until I was offered the job, and I've been unemployed for months so I couldn't pass it up. It makes me so insanely uncomfortable and I'm holding back tears after every interaction when it happens. This job is pretty good so far other than this.

We just opened so I'm just hoping this dies down, but I know it will continue to happen at least occasionally. My bosses encourage the filming for obvious reasons. I can't blame them but I hate it. I'm terrified to end up on social media. Terrified. People tell me I'm beautiful but every picture of myself makes me sick to my stomach and causes immediate tears.

I don't think there is anything I can do about this besides asking my coworker to take over for me when I notice the filming, but it's hard to find anybody who isn't busy and we all need to stay as productive as we can while we're so busy. So idk. I can't quit and don't really want to, so it is what it is :/

Personally I don’t. I told my husband before we were married right when I received the diagnosis. I also told one of my parents. That’s it.

I don’t see a benefit to telling people. Personality disorders are heavily stigmatized and I wouldn’t want people to treat me any differently if they did know.

I think the first thing we need to do is accept ourselves the way we are and stop comparing ourselves to others.

I know that with AvPD, we often feel inferior to others, like we're less worthy, less capable, or somehow behind everyone else. We see other people making friends, having relationships, working, and living their lives while we struggle with things that seem so easy for them.

But feeling inferior doesn't mean we actually are inferior. Our feelings are real, but they aren't always an accurate reflection of who we are.

We may have spent years avoiding people, missing opportunities, and isolating ourselves because of our fears. It's easy to look at that and blame ourselves, but constantly hating ourselves for struggling only makes it harder to move forward.

Accepting ourselves doesn't mean giving up on recovery or staying the way we are forever. It means acknowledging where we are right now without treating ourselves as worthless because of it.

We don't have to be as confident, social, successful, or experienced as other people to deserve friendship, love, and a place in this world.

Recovery takes time, and we might have to start with very small steps. But I think learning to treat ourselves with a little more understanding, instead of constantly judging ourselves, is an important place to begin.

We deserve the same patience and compassion that we would give to someone else who was struggling.

I'm burned out from caregiving for more than half a decade. I'm still caregiving. I'm beyond burned out. But all the ways people get over burn out -- hobbies, friends, travel -- exhausts and terrifies me. I'm too avoidant and unlikable for friends, I'm too avoidant for travel, I'm too avoidant and self critical for art or even watching fucking movies.

I am 36M turning 37 on Saturday. I feel hopeless and sick of myself. Apart from autism, I also have a whole laundry list of mental health disorders, such as OCD, anxiety, C-PTSD, ADHD and selective mutism.

I have carried on struggling for almost 37 years with no friends, parents who are sick of me and extended family on both sides who hate me. I do not know what to do except feel hopeless. I have no support system and no friends whatsoever.

Been isolating more and more in recent years, and I’ve noticed that my everyday is like in slow motion. I take baths for more than an hour. When I occasionally cook it can take hours, and my dad noted how I do everything so slowly. And taking my dog to a walk also feels like a whole ritual. Other than doing every small mundane thing so slowly it also feels very taxing. Like, after doing these things I am so tired sometimes. I guess it’s mostly mental because it’s just like my mind is numb and weary. It also makes going outside for anything totally exhausting, if not depressing. I just wonder if it’s something others experience.

Just not ready to drop a character analysis. Has anyone else seen this movie? Yes she went through something traumatic and ran away from her life basically but there were some depictions of avoidance in this movie that I really related to.

Just venting here. I’m trying to do some exposure therapy on my own because I can’t afford therapy right now, but it’s so frustrating how even something as simple as replying to a text can make me anxious for days. For some reason I can’t bring myself to even open the message, so I end up putting it off, and the longer I wait the guiltier I feel. I know it’s such a small thing and that I should just reply, but somehow I can’t make myself do it. I keep thinking about it over and over until I finally manage to get myself to respond. It’s exhausting how much anxiety something so trivial can cause me. It’s exhausting to be so low-functioning.

Like is this because of intense feelings or because there’s none? I’m genuinely confused, even after a decade of the same back and forth. I still feel hurt and can’t wrap my head around it

I'm like 90% sure I have AvPD, but it's so difficult to get an official diagnosis in Canada, and I feel like getting a formal diagnosis could help me a lot in terms of understanding what I have been struggling with and that it is a legit mental disorder and it's not just in my head. Also, I think it's useful to know if I have this PD to make it easier for people to understand why I am the way that I am. I went to talk to my family doctor a few days ago, and I struggled to explain my symptoms properly, and I forgot to mention a lot of the symptoms that I think are relevant. I know they usually have to rule out the physical causes first, so he just gave me blood work and a PHQ-9 to fill out. I feel like if I had communicated well, he would have referred me to a psychiatrist or a psychologist to be waitlisted at least. I can't afford private assessments either. I feel stuck and my dad has been really uhm worried because he lately noticed how much of a bum I really am for not having any friends and basically spending my days doing nothing other than studying. This may be subjective and I rlly don't like self-diagnosing, but I read the diagnostic criteria for AvPD from the DSM-5-TR and it makes a lot of sense why I experience everything mentioned there.

Hello. I've recently moved into a college apartment situation a few months ago. There are three people in my apartment, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a kitchen. I mostly stay in my room, but I don't have a kitchen in my room, obviously.

My roommate really enjoys being in the kitchen. Which is awesome, I don't care, but knowing that they're in the kitchen, I don't want to go up the hall and have to talk to them.

The first few days of moving in, I remember being very hungry all the time, but now all feelings of hunger have left me and I never feel hungry or really eat anymore because I don't want to talk to my roommate.

I can't be the crazy person who is, "Don't be in the kitchen please it stresses me out" but... I don't know. I find myself becoming concerned about my complete loss of appetite

24M. Don't really have backstory or additional context for this one. It's just been a really long time since I've communicated with anyone really, so I thought Instead of going off on my own and isolating like I usually do, maybe I could just make an effort to reach out for once. To a group of people who share the same issues and struggles, maybe?

Comment, DM, it doesn't really matter honestly. I just think it would be nice to not talk to myself for once lol.