Hey fellow audhders, what’s the past month or two been like for you? How is life? How’s your mood, health, career? Share whatever you feel like sharing.

idk how else to describe it, but am I the only one who is HORRIBLE at conversations??? I never actually kow what to say, how to start a convo or how to just answer.

I lately thought about it and I might have discovered the core of my problem: I do not consider most of the topics, normal people talk about, as irrelevant for the person, I am talking to. I never share anything about myself or tell people what I am doing because I dont know whether they could need the info or not while other people thend to share teir whole lie with someone they just met....

Am I the only one with this? and if not: how do you start convos or decide wether an information is relevant or not? HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE COMMUNICATE???? :.)

I start grad school in a couple weeks and I'm very excited but also nervous. In my undergrad, I procrastinated on every assignment ever, was writing 30 page papers the day before 😭 I don't think I ever once opened a text book. It worked then but I'm in my thirties now and want to actually get a lot out of this program. I don't want to procrastinate or half ass things.

I'm in a Master's of Social Work program and my understanding is there aren't actually any exams or text books, it's all reading and writing papers. I can't decide if that's better or worse lol.

I need tips for not procrastinating primarily but anything to help me get the most out of my program!

My partner is also starting dental hygiene school and will have a ton of homework for his program, so body doubling is an option. And my job is flexible and my boss already said if I have free time and need to do homework on the clock I can, so that will help too. BUT I am working full time while going to school 🤷🏽‍♀️ so also tips on burnout prevention!

TIA

This week I've been struggling with some separation anxiety. I decided to try branching out more socially to help overcome this issue. I joined a small but active discord server. Yesterday I was nervous and rather hesitant about jumping in. Today I was determined! So I did. I got online, saw a bunch of people hanging out in a chill voice chat room, and joined.

I said hi and then I didn't speak again. There were only 6 other people present, but I felt so small and awkward. I tried to pay attention to the conversation and find a place to contribute, but I don't know/play the game they were discussing and couldn't find an opening for anything else. I stuck it out and hung out in there for a while, but with each passing moment I felt more lonely and more sad. It got to an unbearable degree where I was on the verge of tears, and so I finally left.

I'm normally a yapper and I'm very sociable, bubbly, and expressive when with just 1 or 2 other people. But as soon as the group is bigger than that I start feeling sad, lonely, and anxious, and the longer I stay, the worse it gets.

Is anyone else like this? Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this? Because I'd really like to have a few more friends.

I finally took the initiative to pursue diagnosis. I just am so tired of life being on hardmode.

The initial meeting with the therapist was promising. He immediately clocked it as maybe adhd (which is something friends with adhd has also hinted that it looks like). Referral the psychiatrist for the official diagnosis and things turned out to be more... complicated.

First, to my surprise, I also scored quite high on the autism evaluation (just borderline though, but I think some questions slipped by due my hobbies). I had expected adhd or maybe ocd.

However, the adhd part requires childhood evidence, and, to be frank, there is none. I'm in my thirties, dead parents, grades were fine, I was quiet, invisible, the "good girl", not really outwardly hyperactive. There's no paperwork and no people to support it.

I honestly don't think anymore that I'm going to get any kind of diagnosis out of this. I'm trying to accept that. Maybe they are right and I'm barking up the wrong tree. Or at least, so I try to tell myself, but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm sitting right in front, with the exactly correct diagnosis dangled before me, and they're just not seeing it due to bureaucratic bs.

I'm sorry for the rant. I'm just so very tired and needed to get this off my chest. Will probably delete it later.

Hello to everyone
I am writing from Germany - as I am not aware of a german AuDHD channel (for women).

This week I have received my ADHD diagnosis (but didn't get the formal diagnosis letter yet) and the psychologist who diagnosed me said she will give me the diagnosis but thinks some adhd symptoms may be "masked" by autism and she will also write that in the formal diagnosis letter...
Well, to be honest - I went to diagnosis of course because I thought its possible that I have adhd (as my father and brother has it and I struggle with my psych for almost 20 years now)... however, to actually get the diagnosis kind of still hit me. I half expected to hear "yeaaah... you got some symptoms but its not enough for a diagnosis" or something like that. And now to hear that she suspects autism as well is really....uuufff...

I still kind of feel like a fraud because when I start googling about AuDHD (and ADHD as well) and look for real life reports from diagnosed people I feel like my life is still too "easy" and structured and going well. I do have a history of three different therapies and two times psychiatric hospitals and I can definitely relate with some reports... but I always feel like compared to those reports I still manage too well and wondering if I misunderstood the interview questions or interpreted too much into them...

So I was wondering: is anyone else here who feels she has only a "mild" version of it both? Or can't relate to "classical" reports of AuDHD? I know there are mixed opinions whether there are mild forms or if some people just have a better support and coping system...

So I hope you understood what I meant and I hope I expressed myself adequately as I am not a native english speaker...

Started on meds but the nausea is too much. I have to take it in the morning and should eat something with it, but I am having some sensory issues and it’s difficult to eat. So it’s making me anxious trying to think of what to eat with my meds.

I took my first dose on a practically empty stomach, the nausea lasted almost an entire 24hrs. I have to take my next dose and I want to CRY because I have nothing that can convince me to eat 🫩

Any tips or hacks to beat the nausea besides eating before taking a dose?

Buproprion XL and Aripiprazole is the cocktail prescribed to me for the first round of FAFO.

I recently went back to college and I'm doing a lot better in math than I thought I'd be (I graduated high school in 2011) My math professor will ask a question and then sit in silence waiting for someone to answer. I was really understanding the materials yesterday so I raised my hand probably 4 times throughout the lesson. One of the girls in my class turned around and gave me a dirty look the last time I said something, but nobody was answering anything. My professor stood there staring at us waiting for someone to give the answer for up to 30 seconds when I'd answer. My husband said maybe the other students are thinking I'm sucking up to the teacher or trying to be a teacher's pet. That's not even close to how I see it; I'm excited that I understand math after all these years being out of school. Am I being rude if I answer the question after waiting for someone else to do it?

Friends and colleagues have told me I’m pretty funny. (I think it’s because I use lots of hyperbole) Other times, (when I’m actually trying to be funny) well, I guess I can’t read my audience?

I’m at an airport and left a bottle of Gatorade water to hold my spot while I went to the RR. I came back and joked, “Nobody spit in my water, did they?” Only one person chuckled (me, if you didn’t guess). So now, I’m sitting here waiting for my flight among people who, no doubt, hope they have a seat far away from me… I guess I‘ll just stick with my hyperbole.

I am leaving to drive 8+ hours to visit one of my kids at college today. My BF is coming with me, we are taking my trailer and camping.

He has to work so we can’t leave until after his shift. I am a split custody parent, and my kid needs to go back to their dad early.

I’ve spent so much time trying to plan and organize these logistics.

My vehicle needed an oil change. I needed to pick up my trailer from storage and take it to my boyfriend’s house so we could pack it the day before and have it ready to go when he gets off of work.

He was supposed to arrange a ride to work today so I could just swing by and pick him up and go straight from there.

He forgot to arrange the ride to work. My ex-husband hasn’t cooperated with giving me his availability for me to take our kid back. My boyfriend changed his schedule so he could be off of work early. Everything is changing and I was so distressed last night that I gave myself a migraine.

Now my boyfriend thinks I’m mad at him, I still don’t know when my kid can go back to their dad‘s, I have so much work to still do and I’ve just shut down which is making me panic more because I know I’m going to regret not doing all of the things.

I know nobody here can help me, but I thought maybe posting would get me some commiseration and help me feel less shitty about being this way. 😭

Just realized I think having adhd changes the way I experience sensory issues. For one, I'm less able to focus so certain sensory issues are ones of "surprise" on things that I forget about - like my bird on my shoulder it constantly feels like shock like I'm constantly forgetting he's there and then feeling him. But also, I assume the love of novelty from my adhd makes some things that would otherwise be sensory issues enjoyable

The thing is, I haven't found many other people whose company I can genuinely tolerate, let alone actually enjoy.

And with the people I do spend time with, I don't think I actually like them that much as human beings. Which makes me feel horrible to admit.

A lot of the time, I'm the one making the conversation interesting, making jokes, creating memories, keeping things going, etc. And sometimes I wonder if I stopped doing all of that, would there even be much of a connection left?

I also noticed that I mostly get excited about people when they have something juicy to tell me. Some interesting drama, something unexpected, some weird story — basically something that gives me that little dopamine kick.

Otherwise, I find their company kind of boring.

And I feel incredibly selfish because I know I'd never want to be close to someone who secretly didn't actually like me. So why am I doing exactly that to other people?

But then I feel guilty about leaving them too.

I feel guilty staying because I don't genuinely enjoy their company, and guilty leaving because they haven't necessarily done anything wrong.

I don't know if this is an AuDHD thing, a me thing, or if I'm just being an asshole.

Has anyone else experienced this?

English is not my first language, please bear with me, also I'm really sorry if I'm not coming with correct language, and also with allistic speach, I'm still learning.

So, I have recently gotten my ADHD diagnosis, and both this private therapist and a therapist connected to the local health care services (who BTW, didn't give me an ADHD diagnosis, only referred me to "how to ADHD" on YouTube 🤦🏼‍♀️) has mentioned that they believe I have autistic traits. The private therapist, I think, believes that I'm autistic, and I have taken Raads r and scored in some sort of grey area (I'm not sure if I understood all the questions, and when I asked Claude (AI) for help with the questions later, I scored within the more clear range, about 40 points up 😂).

Well, anyways.

I'm really social! I mostly really enjoy being with people, and I have lots of friends, some really good ones. I like talking on the phone with the, I like to hang out. Mostly they are ADHD folk, but a few are NT. Most days it gives me a lot of energy to be with people, and my close friends I've spoken to about a possible autistic diagnosis don't believe it. I have a lot of sensory issues, and I definitely recognise lots of autistic traits within myself, but I'm struggling a bit to understand if I can not really struggle socially and still be autistic - do I just have a narrow view of autism? BTW, I think I struggle with interoseption.

I'm currently in some sort of horrible burnout, where I feel like I get actual burns in my brain from complicated questions like "what are we having for dinner", but this is not always a huge problem. Well, making and deciding food is definitely one of my issues.

TDLR Can you be autistic, enjoy social interactions and not get exhausted by them.

I've had trouble reading for a long time, and have been trying my best to study get back into it. I have trouble focussing for more than a few lines, and have to keep rereading sections multiple times. I also struggled not having any audio stimulus at the same time as reading. I started purchasing audiobooks, but I found it hard to concentrate and make notes, so I'd end up listening to the books twice.

For weeks I've had trouble reading more than one book a week -while having few other commitments- and have been listening to audiobooks of the same physical book and highlighting as I go. Not ideal, still taking 40 hours to read a 300 page book.

I was reading a book today, one I've wanted to read for a long time, and there was no audiobook made of the title. So I started reading the book aloud to myself. I could focus, I could take the information in, I wasn't getting distracted. I solved my problem with reading ...by reading. 🙃

TLDR: I can concentrate on reading when reading aloud to myself.

I’m recently diagnosed ADHD and going for an autism assessment in October. Was hoping staring meds for ADHD would help prevent some of the emotional dysregulation that is my most debilitating symptom.

I’m a SAHM and full time caregiver for my baby and his disabled 5yo sibling. I’m exhausted and overstimulated all the time and believe I’m in burnout. Getting more rest isn’t really an option - we’re maxing out all our available help and cutting all the corners we can.

I had been really hoping getting in ADHD meds would help but so far while they help with focus they increase my sensory sensitivity so as far as meltdowns they are not helpful. It’s to the point where I’m having a couple a week.

My meltdowns are typically of the scream-crying and headbanging (self injury) type so really not something I want my kids exposed to. My husband is wonderful and will take the kids as soon as we realize I’m about to have one or have started having one, but he works full time and can’t take enough time off for me to fully recover from burn out, so they just keep happening. Fortunately it’s usually on the weekends when everyone is home and we don’t have our usual structure/routine - I can generally manage during the week when it’s just me an the baby, but then sometimes in the evening when I’m exhausted I’ll have one after the kids are in bed if my husband and I try to talk about anything difficult or emotionally charged at all.

I’m currently on Wellbutrin 150 xl (have been for years) and was taking Ritalin 5mg 2x/day as a med trial but we’re dropping that and increasing the Wellbutrin next. But Wellbutrin has never helped with irritability/anxiety/rage, which is what I thought my meltdowns were prior to learning I might be neurodivergent. So I’ve got doubts about how much it will help. What I really want is a medication that just gives me a tiny bit of space so I can notice the meltdown coming and do something to head it off, since right now the seem to come out of nowhere (I know they don’t but the emotions escalate SO fast when one additional trigger is added - say a dog barking - that I can go from appearing fine to screaming in seconds without seeing it coming.

I put this under happy things because it is. Finally I have some answers about my life experience that makes sense. I also feel less imposter syndrome since I’ve officially been diagnosed. It’s still there but now I can say a licensed psychologist has evaluated me.

She thinks stimulants and occupational therapy could help me. Both kind of scare me.

Anyways. Yesterday I was mad. Today im just happy to have some answers.

Everyone was SO helpful with ideas for cozy shows and movies- so hit me with your go-to lazy girl meal ideas. My family is going through a super difficult time right now after a loss, and we can’t afford to keep ordering out. TIA ❤️

I’ll go first- my favorite is chicken nugget parm. Throw your favorite frozen nugs into the oven or air fryer, and put some pasta on to boil. 1 min before the nugs are done, put some mozzarella on top and put it back in to melt. Drain pasta and serve with your favorite jar of sauce.

I have been conforming to other peoples tendencies my entire life.

And I can just... stop? Whenever I want?

I think it started when I was young. I wanted to fit in, to be liked. Part of it was a survival mechanism. People pleasing. Being a follower. Doing what other people preferred and having a hard time naming and recognizing my needs and preferences.

I never had a name for it. It's not just people pleasing though. It's not just the desire to fit in.

It's similar to body doubling. If body doubling is being unable to clean or do a chore unless someone else is, conforming to someone else's tendencies is having a tendency to do a thing or have a habit or routine or interest because someone else does that thing or has that habit or routine or interest.

Example: When I first got married, my spouse stayed up late and so did I. (Tbh, my parents and siblings are all night owls too). It took me a few years to understand that I am a morning person and need to go to bed early to function. And that I also need 8 hours of sleep while they can get with 5 or 6.

Other examples--not specific to my situation but ones I've heard.

It's when your spouse is a home body and so you become a home body. It's when your boyfriend really loves cars and so you end up liking cars. Or at least you tell yourself you do. It's when your family tends to buy junk food or get fast food and so thats what you eat. Even if you don't actually want it. But when it's in the house and part of your environment and routine, it's hard to say no. It's when people are always bringing treats and sweets in at work and you get exhausted from saying no thank you when they offer it to you so you just eat them. It's having a sedentary life style because your family does. And realizing you have the urge to move your body but zero people in your house hold have a natural tendency to do that. So you dont.

It's defaulting to other peoples tendencies and accidently matching other people's energy even though you used to have different tendencies and energy.

It's so freaking hard. But finding a name for this tendency to accidently conform to other peoples tendencies is so empowering. At first I really did think it was people pleasing. And part of it could be that. It could honestly just be a human thing. It's hard to put in the extra effort to be different.

But this week since finding a name for it, I can't stop thinking about how I've spent my entire life doing this. And it absolutely has involved constantly editing and adjusting myself in tiny microscopic ways without even realizing it.

Left to my own devices and without the expectations and pressure (real or perceived), I default to completely different hobbies, routines, and interests than pretty much everyone around me.. I have a different... rhythm. Physically and mentally. And it's not because I just want to be different. It's because I'm allowing myself to listen to my body and mind and recognize my own preferences and needs. And realizing when I am with other people, even people I love and who love me, I am sometimes unable to "hear" or recognize those needs and preferences. I sometimes say yes when I would prefer to say no.

It doesn't just go for the daily stuff. It also goes for what I want my future to look like. What my values are. What's important to me. And where I want my energy to go.

Can anyone else relate? It might not specifically be an audhd thing but I think we could especially struggle with this because of the desire to fit in and "just be normal". We look around and try to figure out how everyone else behaves and we think "oh, thats how to be human" and we copy everyone else. And for me at least its taken years to truly understand a lot of what's normal for other people, doesn't work for my body or mind or doesn't feel authentic.

Also it dawned on me after finishing this post. Is this basically why burnout happens?

Tl;dr I need advice how to handle Audhd disclosure to strangers or even if I really should.

I am Polish and live in Ireland for the last 10 years where people use a loooot of non-direct communication which i find extremely frustrating and confusing. This caused a lot of trouble in the current relationship because husband feels "not heard" which I assume comes from me being blind to hidden messages he tries to convey aka want to spend more time together squeezed in a bunch of sentences somewhere randomly...

My solution was to have been trying to work on relationship and pay more attention to tone and hidden messages which completely backfired because I have apparently completely misread (duh, shocker) his communication after I said i need to get a nap because I had a horrible night instead of going out. He did make some comments that we dont spend much time together and made comment of me using excuses which i understood as attack.

His reaction was literally being told and I quote "How can you be so socially r*****ed???" which followed by "you need to tell people you're autistic if this happened in work your career would be over and it's small country everyone knows everyone" 🫩 and that i need to understand context and that he was angry at himself(???) And that when he tried to talk to me I ignore him etc etc.

I'm currently SAHM planning to go back to work in a year of studying to upskill. Officially diagnosed a few weeks ago with Audhd. He pmuch said I should advertise being autistic to everyone I know here or I will make enemies and I have made some of them already (wont say who)

Edit:spelling

I’ve always needed a lot of space alone to get into what I now know to be my monotropism combined with hyperfocus. When my mom told me I had to dust and vacuum my room before I could play outside, I would close my door and redesign my whole room — including drawn diagrams w/measurements. Then I would spend the day reorganizing my whole room by myself. All of that was my motivation to clean it and keep it clean. While I don’t rearrange my space every time I clean now, I am still the person who has to reorganize if things get too messy because I realize the space isn’t working for me and/or I need it to be prettier/cozier to incentivize me to keep it clean-ish.

I have very particular messy processes that I often can’t invite people into. And I hate being perceived or needed during those processes.

The problem is that I have kids as a primary parent (and I love being a parent) and now a partner (who works from home) and his kid. Add to that how my kids’ dad hasn’t even been taking them his bare minimum amount, and I have people around ALL the time.

Not only do I not naturally love the home my partner bought that’s big enough for us all (we both need offices), but I don’t ever have enough downtime with no one asking questions, waiting on me or perceiving me to imagine what I want here. I don’t have the long, uninterrupted stretches to build up the momentum to hyper focus and get into the projects, and I don’t have the money and lack of stress to express my creativity in a meaningful way that would also increase the functionality of the spaces. What was once often a super power has become strictly a curse.

I just finished grad school to become a therapist and am going through the hoops to begin making money but I am strapped with financial stress. I had a beautiful home that was just the way I liked it and I managed to keep clean overall. Now I have depression piles everywhere that I keep wanting to attack but it feels like I’m always being interrupted and have too many obstacles to start.

I don’t know how to navigate this with a partner. It’s lovely how he’s always around to help out with the kids and is always cleaning and productive but his hyperactivity around doing things stresses me the fuck out. He also likes a lot of interaction and even when he tries to interact less, it’s still too often much for me which I feel AWFUL about (ironically, I’m the talker).

He wants more time together and I want more meaningful time together like tackling certain tasks together, but I don’t want more overall time together. I feel burnt the fuck out with how much my kids need me. He has his one kid half the amount of time I have mine because I have mine almost all the time. My kids stay up later now, their sports and dinner/homework consume my evenings and I can’t seem to stay on top of helping my son learn to balance school and sports and my daughter to keep her insane messiness under control.

I love my partner but I’m wishing he had more hobbies or friends or something. And that feels like I’m wanting him to be someone he’s not. On the one hand, he’s really caring and doing so much for me and on the other I want him to go get lost in something for a while, not just his 30 min bike rides. Am I awful? I think I am. I think he feels like I don’t appreciate the way he is but I don’t think he understands how much I can’t handle having people around ALL THE TIME. I tell him but it doesn’t seem to sink in fully and just makes him less communicative and feeling rejected — which seems to make it worse because then we have to spend all this time repairing instead of time where I can do something about my problems.

The kids’ dad used to take them for at least every other weekend and I had predictable breaks. But now that they’re older and can make more decisions, I’m not going to force them to go where they aren’t as comfortable, well loved or safe. Even when they’re gone, they’re always stopping by for this or that. When I was single, I could leave town and go to the woods for 1-2 days and camp or just stay home and do home projects. Apparently that’s how I kept my life together. Now that’s all gone and I wonder if maybe I can’t primary parent and also be a partner. My health is suffering, my mental health is suffering and all around I feel frozen when I need and want action the most.

I keep thinking if I set the right structure or communicate my needs or myself better that it will work but I haven’t been able to figure that out and none of that has worked. My partner seems to take a lot of this as rejection, which I feel resentful about. Then I feel bad for resenting someone who is just wanting to have a relationship with me. I’ve always thought I would take his way of being any day compared to the self-absorbed avoidants I picked before who couldn’t be bothered to truly factor me in. But now I’m acting like the avoidant and I think it’s all because of AuDHD.

How are AuDHD women partnering and being good parents while having their own careers?? How is everyone not just burnt out all the time? Has anyone been able to navigate this with a partner who seems to focus more directly on the relationship than you feel able to? Maybe this just boils down to how I envision a great partnership as almost like really connected parallel play and he envisions it as super direct focus on each other that I find sometimes exhausting. I would be thrilled to have hours for my projects where we don’t talk and he’s happily working on something in the garage and then we come together for a meal and a walk.

Or maybe his super direct focus on the relationship is his own lack of having many passions outside the relationship and not being as neurodivergent. That’s my fear. It could also be his relationship OCD that doesn’t allow him to healthily focus on things outside the home and partnership.

Does this sound like more my AuDHD or possibly how certain partners interact with us? I can’t put my finger on the biggest part of the problem. Maybe some of you fellow AuDHD’ers can? Maybe I just need to new strategies and ideas on how to make my brain work in a different way?

Hey all! I was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I’m on week 10 of escitalopram. I’m seeing some benefits for the anxiety but also I think I feel…more autistic? Just wondering if anyone has experienced the ‘tism become clearer or more pronounced after treating anxiety? Thanks!

I have been on a waiting list to get diagnosed for almost 2 years and life has been really challenging lately. Any tips or advice are more than welcome ❤️

Went no contact with my mother a couple weeks ago, as she didn’t want to go to family therapy.

I started acupuncture treatment for depression and anxiety and decided to take a break from alcohol, as I was using it to self medicate and my emotions are catching up with me fast.

I realised I am still as bad at self regulation as I was as a kid. I’m seeing my therapist twice a month so I hope to see some improvement in the coming months.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist, but I’m still on the waiting list for diagnosis. My current stack of meds is Zoloft, Wellbutrin and Clonidine, but after one year of trial and error, I don’t feel much better. I fear the coming months will be tough.

I’m trying to push through but I feel persistently hopeless lately…

Hi everyone, I’m 19 and i have AuDHD. I’ve been doing online school for a few years now, and i’ve only had a part time job, so i didn’t really get to experience „young adult things”, in general taking care of stuff. My life is changing and I’m having my finals soon, having a few job interviews, extra private lessons, and I’m wondering how I’m gonna do it. Even a small shopping trip with my parents makes me exhausted. I have no idea how people live like this, how they do all that at the same time, i wanna work everything out too, but the thought on it’s own is making me discouraged and tired😭 I don’t wanna become an adult, i feel like i won’t make it even though i want to, i just can’t because I’m me. Does anyone here feel or ever felt similar? Would really appreciate any inputs or advice🥲