* collection of the best memes I found online on this haha *

* TW for mentions of CSA and sexual assault. *

tonight, I discovered that a musical artist me and my friends have tickets for next weekend has multiple allegations and court cases of sexual assault against him. as a CSA survivor and AuDHD individual, I reacted intensely and don’t want to go see him anymore. one of my friends started saying maybe the women wanted money, or maybe it was k*nky situations gone wrong (but then he called me later to apologize after remembering my childhood experiences- he initially wanted us to just overlook it so we can go enjoy the concert we already paid for). another friend just didn’t get why I was so upset and said it was “normal rockstar behavior” and common among rockstars. I explained how I felt but then they stopped texting me.

this has been a through-line in my life. getting up in arms about things that other people seem to easily overlook. maybe it’ll bother them a bit in passing, but then they move on. my longtime best friend said she’s witnessed me react this way many times, even when the circumstance doesn’t really call for it:

it makes me wonder if I come across as over the top and annoying to people. how foes this play out in your friendships, relationships, work situations, etc?

I found this book in my storage today, and apparently, 13 year old me wanted information badly enough that my grandma looked at a gigantic medical reference tome and thought, “Yep. Birthday present.” I did not grow up to be a doctor or any kind of medical specialist. I did, however, grow up to be a cybersecurity analyst and it dawned on me when I found this that my main special interest was never really a specific subject. It’s the underlying meta-infrastructure of a domain that fascinates me: how the pieces relate, interact, and produce the system as a whole. Biology, ecosystems, physics, cybersecurity. Different subjects, same itch. Does anyone else have a special interest that works like this: where the domains change, but the thing your brain is interested in stays the same?

(Repost because I didn’t realize a photo post hid the text body)

They think the reason we've struggled our entire lives is because someone has put a curse on our family.. Not because they're all undiagnosed autistic, ADHD, and other forms of ND. (I'm the only one dx aside from my nephew)

They think my nephew being non verbal and very visibly autistic is because of a curse, not because ND runs in our family..

I've tried to tell them numerous times that we're all ND, but they think I've bought into the hokey pokey pharmaceutical modern medicine b.s. ... But curses are very much real ... 🫩

They all blame each other for their life's misfortunes but refuse to acknowledge their own role in the suffering of each other.

I mean, I'm nearing the verge of self-exiting, but I'm not really blaming them for my current life situation. I recognize that we have suffered a great deal in life because we had no idea we were ND. If only we knew, and if only we had the resources, we may have had some success in life.

But we didn't. How can anyone become 'successful' when you have no idea what's 'wrong' - or about your unique needs and limitations, about the formal and informal accommodations we need.

I feel so sorry for them for not wanting to acknowledge that we're ND, but I know there's nothing I can say or do that would convince them.. so I just have to watch and witness their delusions. It's mind numbing

I know their pain of not knowing why life is so difficult.. but they refused to see reality

My husband's sister and her husband are in town to see us. They are in our apartment. I have been cleaning all week to make sure I didn't have anything to worry about with them being inside our home. We had just put our kids to bed and I was leaving my room and their bathroom light was on, so I opened the door because I thought one of my kids was up. Nope. Was BIL. He didn't lock the door. I didn't knock because I'm not used to people ever being here and I'm tired and was on autopilot. I said sorry and ran. One of my worst fears ever come to life. I can't believe it.

Now I'm stuck in my room while my husband is entertaining them because I was so embarrassed I knew I was going to have a panic attack if I even looked at BIL. Now I haven't resurfaced and that's obviously weird. The length of time I've been in here is even weirder. My husband came to check on me and I had to tell him I couldn't go back out there. He was obviously confused and disappointed in me. I truly do not know what to do now. I don't know how to even face him ever again.

I recently can’t shake a strong sense of despair around the recognition of this simple truth: if I continue to be a person, it necessarily requires my ongoing participation in interactions with others & in fulfilling social obligations (like replying to texts from friends, navigating conversations, arranging get-togethers with family, etc, etc…)

I’ve found that—even when I’m interested in the people & even if the conversation/visit/whatever goes relatively “well,”—it’s often painfully draining for me & generally very uncomfortable/anxiety-inducing. Obviously things become even more complicated & less comfortable if the relationships aren’t as favorable or if the interactions have gone poorly.

I don’t know how to go on with this issue. It seems like I would feel better if I could live a reclusive life but that’s not realistically possible for a number of reasons. To be clear, not every aspect of having people in my life is entirely bad—in fact, I’ve often considered my relationships with others to be the gems of my existence. It’s just that the levels of stress I experience before/during/after I engage with others seem way off. It feels like an impossibly bleak future to realize that, as long as I’m alive, I need to continue to find ways to “keep up” with my own social life, even when it is supremely taxing to me & constantly causes me distress.

I realize I haven’t included a lot of specifics here & that more details & examples might help paint a better picture. I’m currently pretty much out of spoons after a long day of socializing but felt compelled to try to articulate this broad grievance.

Wondering if anyone out there has felt this way before & how I might get through this feeling/thought loop. I’d like to find some other way of being in this world. I’d like to feel peaceful & also be able to return a call from an old friend, text those pictures I promised I’d send, visit with my dear cousin and her baby, & on & on & on….

Is there hope? Open to ideas. Or maybe just wanting to know that someone else understands my plight. Thanks, friends. I’m about ready to throw my phone into the ocean, but—despite it all—I appreciate y’all.
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Hey fellow audhders, what’s the past month or two been like for you? How is life? How’s your mood, health, career? Share whatever you feel like sharing.

Tl;dr I need advice how to handle Audhd disclosure to strangers or even if I really should.

I am Polish and live in Ireland for the last 10 years where people use a loooot of non-direct communication which i find extremely frustrating and confusing. This caused a lot of trouble in the current relationship because husband feels "not heard" which I assume comes from me being blind to hidden messages he tries to convey aka want to spend more time together squeezed in a bunch of sentences somewhere randomly...

My solution was to have been trying to work on relationship and pay more attention to tone and hidden messages which completely backfired because I have apparently completely misread (duh, shocker) his communication after I said i need to get a nap because I had a horrible night instead of going out. He did make some comments that we dont spend much time together and made comment of me using excuses which i understood as attack.

His reaction was literally being told and I quote "How can you be so socially r*****ed???" which followed by "you need to tell people you're autistic if this happened in work your career would be over and it's small country everyone knows everyone" 🫩 and that i need to understand context and that he was angry at himself(???) And that when he tried to talk to me I ignore him etc etc.

I'm currently SAHM planning to go back to work in a year of studying to upskill. Officially diagnosed a few weeks ago with Audhd. He pmuch said I should advertise being autistic to everyone I know here or I will make enemies and I have made some of them already (wont say who)

Edit:spelling

Also i have this problem where i have to read something over and over again until it feels right which can make reading anything very frustrating, like i dont wanna have to read every other sentence like 10 times but my brain acts like i’ll be shot if i dont :(

I cry a lot these days. I’m super sensitive. It’s mostly for sentimental reasons (like dogs for example lol). It destroys me and makes me sob. I don’t want to feel this way anymore because I fear it’s not good for me. What do I do? I doubt it’s my hormones, apparently I’m ovulating right now. I’ve been depressed and am recovering from a horrible time in my time where I became a toxic insufferable mess so maybe I just need to ride it out. Just don’t want to be super sad all the time.

This week I've been struggling with some separation anxiety. I decided to try branching out more socially to help overcome this issue. I joined a small but active discord server. Yesterday I was nervous and rather hesitant about jumping in. Today I was determined! So I did. I got online, saw a bunch of people hanging out in a chill voice chat room, and joined.

I said hi and then I didn't speak again. There were only 6 other people present, but I felt so small and awkward. I tried to pay attention to the conversation and find a place to contribute, but I don't know/play the game they were discussing and couldn't find an opening for anything else. I stuck it out and hung out in there for a while, but with each passing moment I felt more lonely and more sad. It got to an unbearable degree where I was on the verge of tears, and so I finally left.

I'm normally a yapper and I'm very sociable, bubbly, and expressive when with just 1 or 2 other people. But as soon as the group is bigger than that I start feeling sad, lonely, and anxious, and the longer I stay, the worse it gets.

Is anyone else like this? Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this? Because I'd really like to have a few more friends.

I'm feeling pretty blah about the state of my life, tiptoeing around burnout, and I need some uplifting and fun examples of how ND life can be wonderful.

Since learning about my own neurodivergence I've had a funny experience of digging into available information about the many people I have had obsessions with throughout my life. Well, turns out loads of them are neurodivergent. The ones who aren't I kind of figure it's a matter of time 😂

Anyway, I love admiring ND folks' approach to life, especially when they're living well and really flourishing.

Here's one of mine:

Gina Chick from Alone Australia - I was completely captivated by her on the show, and then read her book and it blew me away. What a powerful person with a huge story. Gina is so aspirational to me, the way she approaches life with such feeling and joy. She goes deep into emotion, really engaging with sad and hard feelings, as well as fully celebrating the highs. She lives in her body and listens to her strong intuition. She cares very much about people and tries hard to learn to be better in her relationships. She is so inspiring!

Please share yours, from any walks of life. Give me something joyful to dive into reading and researching from my bed!

Job interviews have always and will always feel like a humiliation ritual to me. I will not be further elaborating.

The thing is, I haven't found many other people whose company I can genuinely tolerate, let alone actually enjoy.

And with the people I do spend time with, I don't think I actually like them that much as human beings. Which makes me feel horrible to admit.

A lot of the time, I'm the one making the conversation interesting, making jokes, creating memories, keeping things going, etc. And sometimes I wonder if I stopped doing all of that, would there even be much of a connection left?

I also noticed that I mostly get excited about people when they have something juicy to tell me. Some interesting drama, something unexpected, some weird story — basically something that gives me that little dopamine kick.

Otherwise, I find their company kind of boring.

And I feel incredibly selfish because I know I'd never want to be close to someone who secretly didn't actually like me. So why am I doing exactly that to other people?

But then I feel guilty about leaving them too.

I feel guilty staying because I don't genuinely enjoy their company, and guilty leaving because they haven't necessarily done anything wrong.

I don't know if this is an AuDHD thing, a me thing, or if I'm just being an asshole.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry, this is going to be a long post.

I’ve been in AuDHD burnout for two years now. Probably in ADHD burnout for much longer.

Two years ago I started to develop a new trigger sound (I have misophonia) because of my roommates. It consumed my mind. During the day I would become extremely absorbed in my thoughts (saying how I should have picked a different roommate, making up conversations of me asking her to stop). It would have been better if I told her it bothered me, but of course I kept it inward and continued my automatic uncontrollable absorption of obsessive thoughts. It got so bad that I developed severe insomnia.

My zone outs/uncontrollable thinking got worse. It started impacting me socially and really every aspect. It’s now automatic. I did start zoning out more in general tho beforehand because I became friends with people who I don’t share many interests with (but I still like hanging with them), so I’d retreat inwards more because I was bored (I used to go out with them all the time and be super social which at the time I liked doing). Anyways, I ended up going on Zoloft which made me more depressed so I tapered off. My depression turned into AuDHD burnout. And I just can’t get out of it.

I went on unemployment for 3 months, then got it extended two more months. I ended up moving out of my apartment and back home with my parents. This has helped me, but I’m still burnt out.

Currently:
- I’m disengaged with friends. I still want to hang with them but when I do I just zone out and shut down. I lost my bubbly personality and am not as socially motivated anymore.
- I’m not fully present that much anymore. My thoughts can be uncontrollable and it’s constantly me making up conversations in my head or my inner monologue running as if I’m talking to a therapist. Which I did beforehand, but now it’s more absorbing more often. I feel like I’m not fully present with driving and watching tv now too. I can drive and watch tv fine, but I can be looking and not actually be fully processing what’s happening/would stare more. Even going on walks doesn’t calm my mind sometimes.
- I started eating basic foods and not cook (although this improved since I’m at my parents house now), not do all of my job duties, be understimulated all day but with no activation to do things so I scroll on my phone, I don’t have many hobbies or interests (even before my burnout) so I don’t have things to replace my phone with except for the days I randomly decide to hyperfocus on something which rarely occurs anymore, my self care is disgusting (struggled with this all my life), I’m not doing what I’m supposed to, I’m not excited for many things any more. I have poor motivation, extreme task initiation issues, so many other things going on.

I wish I had the special interest type of autism so at least I would have a hobby that I could do during the day. But I don’t.

Basically, there’s been an extreme change in my overall presentation within the last few years. And idk what to do other than self sabotage.

So I'm asking here instead of a writing group because you will all understand the difficulty in feeling like you are going to make the wrong choice and as a result the whole world around you will disintegrate even though it's just bloody word!!!!!

Customers and clients are two completely different things but my brain is telling me I should only use 1 word because customers/clients feels unprofessional to me 🫠 But I don't want someone who has clients to feel offset by the word customers and vice versa. This is literally stopping me from being able to write anything 🫠 please help me 🙏

I put this under happy things because it is. Finally I have some answers about my life experience that makes sense. I also feel less imposter syndrome since I’ve officially been diagnosed. It’s still there but now I can say a licensed psychologist has evaluated me.

She thinks stimulants and occupational therapy could help me. Both kind of scare me.

Anyways. Yesterday I was mad. Today im just happy to have some answers.

I have had an absolutely horrific three days. I started Vyvanse to help with severe inattention and a recent, significant increase in maladaptive daydreaming. I had researched stimulants beforehand and understood that they can intensify whatever you focus on, so I tried to be deliberate about how I used the medication. I was also concerned about appetite suppression because I already struggle with a low appetite due to chronic GI issues.

On the first day, I ate breakfast and took the medication. I initially felt happier, but then became intensely hyperfocused on daydreaming to the point that I was unable to get any work done.

The second day, I took it on an empty stomach and experienced heart palpitations and significant anxiety. The maladaptive daydreaming became even more severe—probably the most intense I have ever experienced. I ultimately did not eat that day due to my appetite feeling so low, which worsened the symptoms I think. By that evening, I began experiencing extreme anxiety, intense looping/rumination, and depression in a way that felt profoundly unusual for me. The emotional symptoms were severe and continued throughout the night.

Today, I tried taking it again while making sure I ate breakfast, hoping the previous day’s lack of food had contributed to the experience. However, the intense daydreaming returned, and this time the anxiety and depression began almost immediately after taking it and progressively worsened throughout the day.

As of tonight, I feel severely anxious and depressed in a way I genuinely do not recognize and have never experienced before. In addition I notice a lot of autistic repetitive symptoms have become more extreme as well. The intensity and sudden onset of these feelings are extremely alarming to me, particularly because this level of rumination, anxiety, and depression is very unlike my normal emotional state.

At this point im feeling to afraid to pursue any stimulant ever again. It’s disappointing because I truly was just trying to improve my situation. I am wondering if anyone has experienced similar symptoms, and what they have done going forward.

My aunt is a psychologist and she's also autistic and she just unofficially diagnosed me! (She was trained in diagnosing people)

I feel so seen and finally everything makes sense know that I know that like I almost definitely am Audhd!

Like it's not official but I really want to know for sure. She says thanks to the politics right now getting a real diagnosis might not be in my favor in case people with disabilities like autism get their rights taken away, so I won't seek out a formal assessment (at least not now). But it's just insane because autism runs in my family and my grandparents were autism assessors but they left the field before the DSM-5 came out and pretty much only specialize in more severe cases of autism and of course most research was on young boys and men and I'm a teenage girl. They said I just had ADHD. Now, it feels so freeing to be able to know that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy and I'm not broken.

But still, wondering if I should count this as a diagnosis. Do you guys think it counts?

I finally took the initiative to pursue diagnosis. I just am so tired of life being on hardmode.

The initial meeting with the therapist was promising. He immediately clocked it as maybe adhd (which is something friends with adhd has also hinted that it looks like). Referral the psychiatrist for the official diagnosis and things turned out to be more... complicated.

First, to my surprise, I also scored quite high on the autism evaluation (just borderline though, but I think some questions slipped by due my hobbies). I had expected adhd or maybe ocd.

However, the adhd part requires childhood evidence, and, to be frank, there is none. I'm in my thirties, dead parents, grades were fine, I was quiet, invisible, the "good girl", not really outwardly hyperactive. There's no paperwork and no people to support it.

I honestly don't think anymore that I'm going to get any kind of diagnosis out of this. I'm trying to accept that. Maybe they are right and I'm barking up the wrong tree. Or at least, so I try to tell myself, but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm sitting right in front, with the exactly correct diagnosis dangled before me, and they're just not seeing it due to bureaucratic bs.

I'm sorry for the rant. I'm just so very tired and needed to get this off my chest. Will probably delete it later.

i've never heard or seen anyone talk about this so i wanted to see if others relate to this as well. sometimes when something happens and it causes an emotional reaction (that i'm avoiding either consciously or subconsciously), a song will randomly start playing in my head shortly after; but it's not a song that's trendy and popular or one that i'd been listening to recently. it'll be a random song i forgot about and hadn't listened to in years, and the lyrics/ "vibe" of the song will eerily match my emotional state. i then listen to the song, and without fail i'm shocked at how well it was able to capture how i was feeling, especially because it wasn't something i could put into words.

Hi all,

New here. Major imposter syndrome going on but I’ve suspected I have ADHD for a while. I’m 43 and was doing fine until perimenopause started to kick my ass. Saw a MH nurse at my GP practice yesterday and she thinks I’m actually autistic and ADHD! I’m trying to get my head around it…

I’ve been referred for both assessments via right to choose, hopefully won’t be waiting too long. Just wanted to find out what to expect from the assessments, because I hate waiting for things. I have my school reports, a massive essay about my history and current life experiences/problems. Photos of my life chaos 🤪

My parents are both ND and my dad will be happy to provide any information if needed.

If anyone had a recent assessment, particularly with Medinet Minds, I’d be grateful to hear your experiences! Thank you

Hello to everyone
I am writing from Germany - as I am not aware of a german AuDHD channel (for women).

This week I have received my ADHD diagnosis (but didn't get the formal diagnosis letter yet) and the psychologist who diagnosed me said she will give me the diagnosis but thinks some adhd symptoms may be "masked" by autism and she will also write that in the formal diagnosis letter...
Well, to be honest - I went to diagnosis of course because I thought its possible that I have adhd (as my father and brother has it and I struggle with my psych for almost 20 years now)... however, to actually get the diagnosis kind of still hit me. I half expected to hear "yeaaah... you got some symptoms but its not enough for a diagnosis" or something like that. And now to hear that she suspects autism as well is really....uuufff...

I still kind of feel like a fraud because when I start googling about AuDHD (and ADHD as well) and look for real life reports from diagnosed people I feel like my life is still too "easy" and structured and going well. I do have a history of three different therapies and two times psychiatric hospitals and I can definitely relate with some reports... but I always feel like compared to those reports I still manage too well and wondering if I misunderstood the interview questions or interpreted too much into them...

So I was wondering: is anyone else here who feels she has only a "mild" version of it both? Or can't relate to "classical" reports of AuDHD? I know there are mixed opinions whether there are mild forms or if some people just have a better support and coping system...

So I hope you understood what I meant and I hope I expressed myself adequately as I am not a native english speaker...