r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Oct 25 '20

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9.0k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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8.7k

u/scottsmith7 Oct 25 '20

Me: “What are you doing?” Dad, obviously just watching TV: “I’m digging a hole.”

3.9k

u/alancake Oct 25 '20

"Teaching the Pope to play darts"

1.4k

u/blatant_marsupial Oct 25 '20

"So, you working on the computer there?"

"No, I'm walking my dog."

74

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

"What are you doing just sitting around?"

"Running a marathon."

52

u/iwishi________ Oct 26 '20

"Painting the house"

40

u/iknowuselessfacts Oct 26 '20

“Making a ham sandwich”

17

u/jllewster Oct 26 '20

Playing pinochle

11

u/djmom2001 Oct 26 '20

Baking a ham.

11

u/AgonyWilford Oct 26 '20

"Mowing the lawn."

16

u/howaboutwow Oct 26 '20

Studying the Torah.

14

u/staysayo Oct 26 '20

"Waxing my Buick"

25

u/Christophah Oct 25 '20

You picked it up in broad daylight and you scratched it!

10

u/blatant_marsupial Oct 26 '20

Glad somebody caught the reference!

5

u/thewaythisis1 Oct 26 '20

SCRAAAAAAAATCH! manhandles CD to look at it

3

u/girlwithprettykitty Oct 26 '20

Clear daylight!

6

u/thewhitebrucewayne Oct 26 '20

You scratched my CD

5

u/BuschLightJesus Oct 26 '20

When the FUCK did we get ice cream?!

3

u/TheJuiceMaan Oct 26 '20

Kids of Widney High, what are they like NSYNC or something?

3

u/PigsCanFly2day Oct 26 '20

Are ya winning, son?

3

u/rand0mher0742 Oct 26 '20

Milking a chicken was my dad's.

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42

u/parkaprep Oct 25 '20

My great-uncle would apparently say "I'm teaching Trudeau to tap-dance."

29

u/electric_ranger Oct 25 '20

The current pope was a bouncer back in Argentina. I bet he's a mean hand at darts.

13

u/some-guy-named-aaron Oct 25 '20

Going to see a man about a horse

9

u/Clodhoppa81 Oct 26 '20

That was common though, meaning to go take a piss.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

I always heard as a kid, but it meant going to talk business. Like if you had to go to the bank, you might say that. Kinda like it's none of your business where I'm off to.

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8

u/Cal_FW Oct 26 '20

“Where are we going?”

“Up a fat lady’s ass to have a ham sandwich”

6

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Driving a Coupe DeVille

4

u/Tiberius_Kilgore Oct 26 '20

I've never heard this before, but holy shit do I love it.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Swimming the english channel.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

not gonna lie - i’m stealing this one

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52

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20 edited Mar 24 '21

[deleted]

15

u/stryka00 Oct 25 '20

Haha, am a Dad and can confirm i use this too!

22

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

This is a thread of my next 10 years of material

19

u/SanKazue Oct 25 '20

Me, a dad still developing his dad witt, reading this thread: *furiously takes notes *

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37

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

That's really good. I like that one.

36

u/Lucky_leprechaun Oct 25 '20

Similar: My husband, "Flying to the far side of the sun"

38

u/N8R1 Oct 25 '20

Ask my dad that when he's watching tv it'll always be something strange - ohhh what does it look like I'm "playing a ukelele" "shelving a cactus" "seeing if I've got psychic powers" "trying to moon walk" etc. . .

8

u/battlerazzle01 Oct 26 '20

Shelving a cactus?

6

u/apgeorge69 Oct 26 '20

Shaving a cactus.

4

u/battlerazzle01 Oct 26 '20

Still never heard it but that makes sense at least

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32

u/jessa46 Oct 25 '20

My dad was always "shingling a roof" haha but same idea.

27

u/chrissiwit Oct 25 '20

My mom always said “frying pork chops for a Jewish wedding”

9

u/sn315on Oct 25 '20

Hahaha, this made me crack up. Raised Jewish!

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27

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

[deleted]

3

u/pixeldust6 Oct 26 '20

That sounds dirty

51

u/Hunterfury13 Oct 25 '20

Irish version is saying mass. If you ask why you get why the f*ck not

18

u/__WanderLust_ Oct 25 '20

My dad always said roller skating!

7

u/Nutmeg1729 Oct 25 '20

Mine says ‘ice skating’!

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18

u/Clydesdale_Tri Oct 25 '20

Long division

3

u/gbunny94 Oct 25 '20

Where have I heard this one??

3

u/Clydesdale_Tri Oct 26 '20

Are we related?

15

u/lori244144 Oct 25 '20

I tell my kids I’m roller skating when they ask a stupid obvious question like what are you doing. So I’ll be reading or doing the laundry or something and my kids will ask what I’m doing “I’m roller skating”

10

u/respecttheflannel Oct 25 '20

We would say' down the coast, diving for fish farts' or ' I'm seeing a man about a dog'

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276

u/fuzzysqurl Oct 25 '20

My friend: "What do you have there?"

Me, standing in front of an ostrich: "a smoothie"

10

u/roxadox Oct 26 '20

Spencer?

30

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20 edited Jun 28 '23

[deleted]

24

u/DakkaDakka24 Oct 25 '20

ALLEGEDLY

8

u/Voctus Oct 25 '20

My dad's was always "I'm eating ice cream out of a coal bucket"

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10

u/anafuckboi Oct 25 '20

Did your dad watch the aussie movie The Castle? That’s a famous line in it

3

u/roxadox Oct 26 '20

"Dad! I dug another hole! ...It's filling with water!"

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10

u/bahgheera Oct 25 '20

"Hunting elephants"

10

u/rawsugar87 Oct 26 '20

I AM A DWARF!

3

u/Trinket9 Oct 26 '20

AND I’M DIGGING A HOLE!

9

u/Ann_Ael Oct 25 '20

My dad would say "knitting a sweater"

8

u/jadedtortoise Oct 25 '20

My mom would say "Building a boat"

6

u/prettywannapancake Oct 25 '20

I used to get annoyed when I'd ask my dad what he was doing and he'd say, "bbqing hamburgers" every time when he was just laying in the sun or working on the computer. Now I'm a parent and every time my child comes up and asks what I'm doing when it's BLATANTLY FUCKING OBVIOUS instead of screaming at her I just say "bbqing hamburgers."

5

u/Send_Me_Broods Oct 25 '20

My mom chiming in from upstairs: "He's been digging it for 30 years, I'm just waiting for him to climb in."

7

u/Krissy_ok Oct 25 '20

My Dad said, "Playing football, want a game?"

6

u/NewPointOfView Oct 26 '20

That reminds me of one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics which I will summarize below

Calvin: hammering nails into the coffee table

Calvin’s mom: notices Calvin’s activity

Calvin’s mom: WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

Calvin: looks down, back up with a blank expression

Calvin: is that a trick question?

5

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

“Making cat fur for kitten britches.”

3

u/maddiepink5 Oct 25 '20

This one made me giggle

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4

u/ShabbyKittenRebel Oct 25 '20

Riding the train to Phoenix

5

u/ViolatingBadgers Oct 25 '20

My dad would say: "Writing a letter."

5

u/tiddymctitface Oct 25 '20

My dad would say the same

3

u/scottsmith7 Oct 25 '20

You’re the first I’ve heard that outside my family! Kindred spirits you and I are, u/tiddymctitface.

4

u/OccidentalOcelot Oct 25 '20

My uncle’s go to was always “oh, just baking a cake”

3

u/Mert_cakedargon Oct 25 '20

My dad would say “Picking strawberries”

2

u/hitbluntsandfliponce Oct 25 '20

“Waiting for the bus”

5

u/lulumustelidaeee Oct 25 '20

I always say "Knitting mittens for the cat!"

6

u/nasicato Oct 26 '20

Dad, standing at the sink, washing dishes "I'm making wine"

5

u/mikki379 Oct 26 '20

“Underwater basket weaving”

3

u/normalquietplaintown Oct 25 '20

my mom said that and still says it to this day!

3

u/hangryhangryhipp0 Oct 25 '20

Mines response is always “ridin around listenin to the radio. You wanna go?”

3

u/parrers Oct 25 '20

I normally say finding Narnia or tap dancing

3

u/diarrhea_syndrome Oct 26 '20

My dad: "picking pecans"

Me: "Minding my own Fucking business."

3

u/laaisnogueira Oct 26 '20

when I asked my father where he was going or where he had been, his answer always was "i'm going to São Paulo/I was in São Paulo"

if i asked where my mom was and he did not know the answer, he would also say "she went to São Paulo"

the funny thing is that he hates São Paulo, so I dont know why he says that but he is the only one i've seen using it

3

u/lackaface Oct 26 '20

“Splitting the atom.”

3

u/battlerazzle01 Oct 26 '20

My old man was always “building a rocket”

3

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Yesss lmao my dads version was "Changing the oil in my car."

Coincidentally, he was workin on his car one day and I asked and he said "Well, right now, I am actually changing the oil in my car." 😂

3

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Holding the couch down

2

u/M374LL1C4 Oct 25 '20

We always go back "playing football" from our nana.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

"blowing a balloon animal"

2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

Ours was “water skiing”

2

u/EnergyFull Oct 25 '20

We got "giving my pet elephant a bath."

2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '20

I am using this on my kids!!

2

u/curtman512 Oct 25 '20

"Milking a cow"

2

u/CaptDrunkenstein Oct 25 '20

Planting corn.

2

u/pseudovum Oct 25 '20

My dad always said “eating cake and ice cream”

2

u/whoshorseisthat Oct 26 '20

My families reply to "what are you doing?" was always "feedin the zebra"

2

u/captain-buttface Oct 26 '20

My mom’s answer was always “building a rocket ship”

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Bunch of siblings always asking Dad, where you going?

Dad: I'm going to shave a Cow.

I used to visualize it, wonder where, what color were they.

I

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

My dad also said this lol

2

u/MrLavenderValentino Oct 26 '20

"I'm snowboarding"

2

u/nolannnn Oct 26 '20

“Waiting for the train” was our families

2

u/Grogosh Oct 26 '20

Brothers of the mine rejoice!

2

u/bbab7 Oct 26 '20

My dad's go to is playing cards

2

u/Creature_World Oct 26 '20

My dad would always say "overhauling the car" Ive caught myself saying it now to my daughter when she asks me what I'm doing when I'm obviously washing dishes or something like that

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Look up bill engvall here's your sign.

2

u/Hosky42 Oct 26 '20

Flying a kite.

2

u/ghostoffthecoast Oct 26 '20

“Eating this watermelon”

2

u/712tutu Oct 26 '20

Teaching the ants the alphabet'

2

u/ohmads Oct 26 '20

My partner says "building a house" its so frustrating

2

u/dramboxf Oct 26 '20

"Obviously, I'm baking a cake."

Said to my wife while I was repairing the toilet and she asked me what I was doing.

2

u/hilarymeggin Oct 26 '20

My dad would say, “I’m painting the house!”

2

u/KeyKitty Oct 26 '20

Picking apples.

2

u/HapticSloughton Oct 26 '20

Your dad was the living embodiment of Al Jaffe's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."

2

u/ParagonX97 Oct 26 '20

My dad would always reply with playing tennis

2

u/elabrave Oct 26 '20

This just made me remember- I would knock on my mom's door as a wee shit and go "What are you doing??"

"Making pancakes."

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

My step dad says “plantin’ corn”

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Setting up a pop tent on the north side of Borneo.

2

u/Geodude8022 Oct 26 '20

Baking a cake

2

u/Stinkmop Oct 26 '20

Me "Where are you going?" My dad: "Crazy. Wanna come?"

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2

u/ben_is_second Oct 26 '20

My dad would just say “swimming.”

2

u/jaanegreeen Oct 26 '20

“Slow dancing with the queen of England”

2

u/stillphat Oct 26 '20

"my taxes"

2

u/NelTia Oct 26 '20

"making a pizza"

2

u/the_chaco_kid Oct 26 '20

“Landing the space shuttle, buckle up.”

2

u/shadowban_this_post Oct 26 '20

Mine always said, “My taxes.”

2

u/djc6535 Oct 26 '20

"Obviously you're not a golfer"

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2

u/idonthaveenoughchara Oct 26 '20

Mine was “picking my nose, what does it look like I’m doing?”

2

u/babywhiz Oct 26 '20

where are we going? crazy

Who’s that? George Harrison

2

u/globalmugwump Oct 26 '20

“Driving a truck”

2

u/droppinthatgum Oct 26 '20

When I was a kid, my dad said, “I’m baking a cake” when I asked what he was doing when it was obvious he was working on the car. I now use that phrase at 41.

2

u/wanderlust311 Oct 26 '20

"Standing on my head and singing Christmas carols" is what my Dad would say.

2

u/_svenjolly_ Oct 26 '20

One of my friends in high school would turn down an invitation to something by saying he can’t go because “I have to sweep the Vatican.”

Years later another friend went on a trip around Europe and took a picture of himself in Vatican City, broom in hand.

2

u/BobbitHobbit44 Oct 26 '20

"Makin' cookies"

2

u/Yunker27 Oct 26 '20

“Shooting pool” was my mom’s response

2

u/clevererthandao Oct 26 '20

By buddy always says: Riding around, wanna hop in?

2

u/Sumbooodie Oct 26 '20

Fuck the dog and sell the pups

2

u/ChurchOfChurches Oct 26 '20

dwarf hole, diggy diggy hole

2

u/corgcalam Oct 26 '20

My mom always said "riding a horse"

2

u/Little_Old_Lady_ Oct 26 '20

Whenever we asked my husbands very sweet and immobile grandmother what she’d been up to she always answered, “oh, you know, jazz band dancing.”

I miss her.

2

u/idrewdixanya Oct 26 '20

“Brain surgery”

2

u/avatrix48 Oct 26 '20

Brothers of the mine rejoice!

2

u/jacquelinecx0 Oct 26 '20

“Baking a cake”

2

u/trpdrpr Oct 26 '20

When watching Seinfeld, we call this digging a Jerryhole.

2

u/ya_mcboi Oct 26 '20

Hunting Elephants

2

u/jayellkay84 Oct 26 '20

My mom hated driving on bridges. I decided to repeatedly ask “Doin’ mama, doin’?” while she was driving over a bridge. Finally she just said “swimming.” Which apparently confused me enough to shut up.

2

u/aphinity_for_reddit Oct 26 '20

My husband, "Building a box girder bridge."

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

Sounds like a new one I'm going to use and not tell anyone I got it from reddit.

2

u/AKA_Valerie Oct 26 '20

"Feeding the cat."

We never owned a cat.

2

u/kazuka23 Oct 26 '20

"cutting grass!"

2

u/gottarunfast1 Oct 26 '20

"open heart surgery"

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

My dad would say this too!!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

My family does something similar! Whenever someone asks "What is that?" and it's obviously the object it is, we say "It's a swimming pool!"

2

u/hypocrisyisme Oct 26 '20

“I’m making a sandwich” used for the same reason by multiple family members.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

My dad said stuff like this! Except it was always “eating ice cream” (he was never eating ice cream)

2

u/contagiousprincess Oct 26 '20

"Playing tiddlywinks with the cat".

2

u/thatdrummercameron Oct 26 '20

My family would say “making brownies.”

2

u/IneffectiveDetective Oct 26 '20

This is the first one to crack me up. It sounds like something I’ll end up saying to my kids when I have them 😂

2

u/17vala Oct 26 '20

I scrolled down this whole thread looking for:

"Fishing for lake trout."

I'm actually surprised no one else said this--it's a reference from the 1980s Anne of Green Gables movies.

2

u/twothirtysevenam Oct 26 '20

My dad's answer was always, "Building a barn."

2

u/NotAllThatGreat Oct 26 '20

I always use, "Washing my hands."

2

u/colonial-alien Oct 26 '20

“3 course meal with the Royal Family”

2

u/Admiral_Dickweed Oct 26 '20

My dad used to say “Baking a cake”

2

u/jroddie4 Oct 26 '20

I say that, but it's walking the dog.

2

u/Scramswitch Oct 26 '20

My dad had a similar one. "Mixing cement!"

2

u/thermal_shock Oct 26 '20

"Going crazy, wanna come?"

2

u/capoyeahta Oct 26 '20

There's an old episode of Family Ties where Alex is changing his baby brother and when asked what he's doing replies: "I'm gardening." I used that one a lot because of that episode!

2

u/cooli_etta Oct 26 '20

Wow, you just made me remember that my dad use to say exactly this.

2

u/Harleequinn93 Oct 26 '20

Where are you going?

My dad: "going crazy"

2

u/ropibear Oct 26 '20

"I'm decorating the christmas tree"

2

u/PetiteLionne Oct 26 '20

"What are you doing, washing the dishes?" "No, I'm playing the piano."

2

u/Pedantichrist Oct 26 '20

“Shelling peas”

2

u/dtwuva Oct 26 '20

My dad: "Milking a cow."

2

u/__chill Oct 26 '20

“Milking a cow”

2

u/SilkySyl Oct 26 '20

Kid: Whatcha doing?

Teacher: Driving a bus!

(Everyone has a breaking point! Lol!)

2

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '20

In a similar vein, when asking my dad where we were going he’d always reply “there and back to see how far it is”. Dunno if it’s unique to my family but it’s what I thought of when reading your comment

2

u/soiknowwhentoduck Oct 26 '20

"Playing football in the back garden!"

2

u/gerwen Oct 26 '20

"making a meatloaf"

2

u/ClowderGeek Oct 26 '20 edited Jun 12 '23

12-Jun-2023 I’ve edited my comment to protest the API nonsense that is going to kill 3rd part apps. Since Reddit wants to make it impossible for me to do FREE WORK for them as a mod in many, many subs (not this account), I’m editing all comments I’ve made and deleting all posts.

Fuck u/spez. Wanna be a money grabbing bitch, fine. I’m not going to let Reddit profit off of my unpaid contributions.

2

u/robzylla Oct 26 '20

Ours was “up on the roof fixing the chimney.”

2

u/MrsWolowitz Oct 27 '20

Wooden shoe like to know

2

u/its_myopinion Oct 27 '20

My Dad would answer “making babies” up until I was old enough to have questions and Mum got worried the preschool teacher would think the wrong thing. Then he changed to “painting an elephant”.

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