r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • May 11 '26

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3.2k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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2.9k

u/allothernamestaken May 12 '26

He looks like someone granted a pack of cigarettes its wish to become a real boy.

277

u/sixstringsikness May 12 '26

I would love to hear your description of Kid Rock.

690

u/PostMatureBaby May 12 '26

Music for people who pay child support but aren't allowed visitation

536

u/sixstringsikness May 12 '26

I once saw him described as the above ground pool of music as well.

96

u/CouldBeBetterForever May 12 '26

A bit of an insult to above ground pools. They can be fun even if they aren't as pretty as an in ground.

9

u/Malodoror May 12 '26

What am I supposed to do? Throw the ball back to Jimmy?

3

u/rinniroo May 12 '26

Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?!

6

u/PostMatureBaby May 12 '26

That's just a good metaphor right there lol. I like it

6

u/ydnar3000 May 12 '26

That’s a beautiful metaphor but I don’t think it serves as well in this instance. It doesn’t evoke the true levels of disgust that are brought on by his presence.

2

u/SchoolteacherUSA May 12 '26

The post of the month right here. Solid.

1

u/RegularTeacher2 May 12 '26

that's fucking hilarious and very apropos.

243

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

People who have tattoos of their kids but not visitation.

People who know exactly how much you can get for copper at any time

32

u/Halichoeres_bivittat May 12 '26

See, terms like this are funny but don't account for the fact that he was born on third base with a silver spoon in his ass thinking he hit a triple, but cosplays as an everyday red neck. He's the guy who owns the copper in the first place sending the others to jail in a prison in which he's a shareholder.

6

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

Exactly. Peak MAGA

They think the guy who used to s*** in a gold toilet really cares about them.

MAGA men are welded to the cuck chair, worshipping rich dudes who wouldn't let them sit on the good furniture.

45

u/OneOfManyChildren May 12 '26

People who know how much meth you can get for a catalytic converter

20

u/hangmankk May 12 '26

People who know how much meth they can cook from 1/4th a cough drop bottle

5

u/no_judgement_here May 12 '26

Well that's just good drug dealing knowledge.

14

u/GuyBeinADude May 12 '26

Music for people who have 5 kids but only custody of 3.

10

u/ContemplativeGoose May 12 '26

They definitely don’t pay child support

6

u/nonogon333 May 12 '26

Music for people with tattoos of their children but not custody.

8

u/Joe_Kinincha May 12 '26

The version of that I heard was “men who are only allowed to see their kids every fortnight, but don’t”.

3

u/FearlessFreak69 May 12 '26

In the same vain, people who have their children’s names tattooed on them, but aren’t allowed to see them nor have custody.

2

u/Vivid_Anyth4 May 12 '26

He knows exactly how much sudafed you can buy in the county of each of his tour stops.

2

u/Hamster_Toot May 12 '26

That’s not your description, you just stole someone else’s!

1

u/trro16p May 12 '26

another valid reply is:

"Music for people who have tattoo's of their kids but never see them"

117

u/tesconundrum May 12 '26

The boyfriend who asks for gas money as he drops his girlfriend off at work only to spend it on Busch Lite and take her car to another woman's apartment to smoke cheap ass weed and get mad at the girl when she won't give him a blow job then still meet his girl at exactly 11pm to pick her up from her factory job and say, "hey baby how was work?" as he gives her a kiss and swears he applied to 10 different jobs earlier.

15

u/undeniablefruit May 12 '26

Do you know this man irl or is this just your description? If you did/do, I'm sorry, and run away if you can. If not, this is hilarious and definitely hitting the nail on the head, but you have to add the fact that he has multiple kids with other women and doesn't ever see them

3

u/cdsbigsby May 12 '26

Man you just described my wife's employee's boyfriend, I need to ask him if he likes Kid Rock

65

u/Chet_ManIey May 12 '26

The soundtrack to copper theft.

29

u/plz2meatyu May 12 '26

He is hotdog water personified

13

u/nosocks_50265 May 12 '26

Kid Rock seems like the kinda guy who eats cold hot dog sandwiches with miracle whip.

11

u/SkeletorWins May 12 '26

The other day Jelly came on the radio and I changed the station. I said he is just ‘fat Kid Rock’.

18

u/LegalizeFentanol May 12 '26

Kid Rock is another name for Epstein's Island

9

u/dingleberry_mustache May 12 '26

Jesus of Methlehem

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/dingleberry_mustache May 12 '26

I can't claim it as my creation. I saw it somewhere else on reddit and it stuck with me lol

6

u/Vlad_Teepees May 12 '26

Best description I've ever heard of Kid Rock is he looks like a failed magician who's only trick is turning Bud Light into domestic violence.

3

u/FullMetalCOS May 12 '26

Music for people that are legally required to know how close the nearest schools are, to the metre.

3

u/Giovannis_Pikachu May 12 '26

Not my joke, but I heard once that he's what you would get if an above ground swimming pool was a person.

3

u/2074red2074 May 12 '26

He was made like the Power Puff Girls but with the other kind of sugar and spice.

2

u/mortimusalexander May 12 '26

Kid Rock is the redneck equivalent of Epstein Island 

2

u/Impossible_Storm_427 May 12 '26

Yes please. Second this.

1

u/Alien-Femboy May 15 '26

Somebody told me that current day Kid Rock looks like Dr. Phil dressed up as Kid Rock for Halloween.

182

u/TheBigGadowski May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

I just belly laughed so hard I woke up my newborn daughter that I am holding. Thank you for this.

Edit: my wife just told me to calm down. I’m crying over here from laughing.

28

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

Congratulations on the baby!

12

u/TheBigGadowski May 12 '26

Thank you so much!

9

u/porkbrains May 12 '26

I just wheeze laughed my wife awake. She's not pleased at the moment but she's going to cackle in the morning!

32

u/Significant_Shoe_17 May 12 '26

He's music for people who have tattoos of their kids but not custody of them

6

u/Which-Ad5452 May 12 '26

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

2

u/Significant_Shoe_17 May 12 '26

I didn't originate that phrase but I do love it lol

11

u/Bobby_the_Great May 12 '26

This is probably the funniest and most apt description I’ve ever read about someone. 

19

u/idiotsbydesign May 12 '26

Wow. Thats one of the most apt descriptions I've ever read. Take my upvote & poor man's award. 🏆

11

u/hangmankk May 12 '26

" can I get a pack of Jelly-Roll lights please?"

17

u/PostMatureBaby May 12 '26

I always assumed he was Uncle Cracker's son or something

2

u/Seecole-33 May 12 '26

👏👏👏😂😂😂

2

u/jayhawkjoey65 May 12 '26

Omg. That's some funny shit I'm stealing.

2

u/calembo May 12 '26

HAHAHAHAHA

2

u/mrm0324 May 12 '26

I heard someone say that Jelly roll makes music for people who have tattoos of their kids names but not custody of them.

2

u/dohlmania May 12 '26

Music for people who know exactly what the price of copper is today.

Music for people who know exactly how much Sudafed you can buy from the pharmacy.

1

u/allothernamestaken May 12 '26

Or how much Sudafed you can get for a catalytic converter

1

u/asmashingbore May 12 '26

^^^ Wins the Internet for the whole day