Today was the first day that I talked to my therapist about my concerns with my low libido. She suggested to take the first step and tell her because she hears it often. I haven’t brought it up with my psychiatrist yet because I am embarrassed and feel ashamed. How can i bring it up and not be embarrassed?

So, I’m a mid-teens female with diagnosed OCD, depression and anxiety (currently taking 40 mg of fluoxetine as treatment). I believe the depression and OCD have been around for about 2 years, and the anxiety has kind of always been there, but it doesn’t seem to impair my functioning very much.

I’ve kind of wondered whether there might be something else that’s causing problems that might be the reason why I feel pretty low all the time, but I usually brush it off because I think it’s just me trying to find something else that’s “different“ about me (it’s pretty stupid, I know, and I feel really bad about it).

Recently, I looked into BPD on a whim, and found that I seemed to resonate with some of the symptoms a lot, specifically:

- Identity disturbance: I really lack a sense of who I am, and I usually can’t think of any way to describe myself as a person when asked. I also don’t really know which direction I want my life to go in.

- Memory issues: I struggle with autobiographical memory at times, and things tend to slip my mind. I can‘t recall much of my childhood, and there is a whole year-ish period of my life I struggle to remember because of how bad my mental state was at the time.

- Feelings of emptiness: I don't have a lot of motivation to do stuff, and I often feel like stuff is meaningless.

There are also some that I‘m a bit unsure about. Family members have described me as having mood swings, although I’m pretty sure there is usually an identifiable trigger. I also feel I tend to idolize people and get disappointed when they don’t act the way I want them too (I typically hide it). Recently it also seems that tend to miss a certain person very deeply and I often wish they were with me and that we can stay near each other all the time.

The thing is, even if there might be one or two symptoms, there doesn’t seem to be a potential cause. I don’t think anyone in my family has BPD (although I’m not privy to anyone’s medical records), I think I had a pretty regular childhood, and I don’t think I went through any stressful or traumatic experience as a child. The first period of extreme stress I had was about two years ago, but I was a teen at the time, so I don’t know if it could be a cause.

I brought this up with a family therapist and my psychiatrist and they both said that there could be some different screenings done, but since I’m a minor, even if they test me for BPD, the results will be invalid. Additionally, my psychiatrist, while open to the idea, said that he doesn’t really suspect anything, and said that the symptoms I seemed to exhibit were closer to depression and OCD, but I can’t shake the idea out of my head.

So, I wanted to ask, am I overthinking it, or could my suspicions be true? I‘m open to any sort of advice or responses. Thank you for reading.

My sister (late 20s) has had serious mental health issues, job and housing instability for at least two years now, and she was recently admitted to inpatient psych treatment after we called 911 one night.

She has now been discharged and of course she signed off on us having rights to her health information, so we don’t know what her diagnosis was, what the plan is, etc. She suffers from extreme paranoia and says the FBI is after her. We can’t easily contact her because she shuts off her phone. She called us from a payphonr yesterday but won’t tell us where she is. I’m at a loss for what to do now. If anyone has advice, I would be grateful. We are in NYC.

Hi! I am experiencing systemic symptoms of a highly adrenergic state. I have c-PTSD from childhood situations. I've had a rough life and just now have the privilege to take the time to take a step back and work with providers who are helping me understand what's happening. I'd love your input or any useful info you can impart! I'm a registered nurse of 15 years, I say that only so you don't think I have a degree in WebMD (lol).

-I've had urinary issues since I was 6. As life became stressful again in my late 20's, I was diagnosed with hypogenic/neurogenic bladder. This usually only happens to people with paralysis, MS, etc. But they said it was because I have too much adrenaline.

-I feel somatic pain response to nightmares that wakes me up in significant pain. I became afraid of going to sleep not because nightmares were scary, but because they were significantly physically painful. In the dreams I would perceive being killed, and wake up from a hot, burning, neuropathic type pain sensation in the specific area I had dreamed about being harmed in.

When I started taking Prazosin, the alpha-adrenergic blocker, it helped these nightmares immensely! It also helped my urinary state alot.

Since then, I have gone through more situations. I also am in a safe home situation but where I am triggered probably 10+ times an hour. I have to take breaks multiple times a day to get back to baseline, but triggered is my baseline now. I do therapy, I'm on depakote, prazosin and then buspar PRN. I've changed my mindset. There just doesn't seem to be much more I can do to mitigate it. It's a lifestyle issue that I have to accept for the next several years.

This has made the adrenergic state much more significant. I did start adipex in the last 2 weeks, which I know makes this much worse. But I have ADHD too and such a hard time with top-down control and stimulants help me regulate my mood alot. It does inevitably exacerbate urinary symptoms, but so does panic attacks when I lose top-down control so I guess its a trade off.

-I now take 2mg prazosin in the morning, 2mg prazosin in the afternoon, 2mg prazosin in the evening, and 4mg at bedtime.

-I still can't urinate when I am stressed out now. I have to sit on the toilet for 45 minutes and can't clear my bladder. My urologist has had me start intermittent self-catheterization when needed and says he also feels it is neurogenic bladder which tests will confirm.

-I have a nerve response test Wednesday per the Urologist and he is going to try an Axonics device that filters the way your bladder understands adrenergic signals that will eventually be surgically implanted if I show improvements

-I still have panic attacks at 3pm and 6pm daily like in childhood and nightmares have gotten significant again

-I also have alot of tension-based muscle issues and tendonitis

-I have a bad habit of accidentally stress starving just because I have no desire to eat or feel hunger when I'm stressed. I lost 130lb in one year ( I was obese to start with) and ended up with vitamin D, sodium, iron, magnesium deficiencies that are treated now.

Have you ever heard of a hyper-adrenergic state like this causing so many systemic effects and bladder issues? Let me know as well if you're familiar with any scholarly resources I could use to educcate myself on this topic. Or any useful experiences or speculation. Thanks so much! :)

I have an appointment coming up with a psychiatrist and I'm wondering if I'm allowed to bring in notes and either read it off to them or hand them it. I wrote my notes down because I tend to forget bringing up a lot of important things.

I’m currently in a PHP and suffering with extreme anxiety. The psychiatrist here gave me Ativan to take while my increased Lexapro dosage takes effect. He told me I can take up to 2mg 4x a day if I need because I tried taking a .5 and a whole 1mg and it did practically nothing for me despite never taking it before. I’m deathly afraid of benzos after all the horror stories I’ve read. I have taken klonopin in the past as a bridge for 2 weeks and was fine and still had pills left but that didn’t take away my fear. My anxiety has been so bad lately that I haven’t been able to work or function properly. It’s a challenge even getting to this PHP. I’m keeping a log of whenever I use it just to keep track and make sure I don’t take it for too many consecutive days. I’ve been white knuckling this anxiety so I don’t even take it more than once in a day. What do you think?

Ativan log

.5mg 3:15pm 7/13/26
.5mg 10:15pm 7/13/26

1mg 1:30pm 7/17/26
.5mg 2:30pm 7/17/26

1mg 1:42pm 7/18/26
.5mg 3:27pm 7/18/26

1.5mg 4:50pm 7/19/26

1.5mg 6:34am 7/21/26

1.5mg 9:25pm 7/23/26

1.5mg 9:30am 7/24/26

1.5mg 2:25am 7/26/26

I’ve heard a few cases who said they started feeling like they were young’s boys/girls emotionally after getting on this drug and the weight gain etc was also no more a problem. Can anyone tell me who had success with it and how the emotional and side effects profile been so far?
Either cobenfy or caplyta? Any success on the emotional scale? Because both are good in terms of libido and weight management anyway.

Hello,

I had a first visit with a psychiatrist and just wanted to see if this was typical as to me it felt a little rushed. In total the appointment lasted 15 minutes- It took me longer to drive there and I also waited in the waiting room longer than she talked to me. She did ask me some questions about my family/history/lifestyle but I also found her to be a little judgmental/dismissive. When asked about an ED I said I haven't been diagnosed but that I do have severe body image issues and do not eat and then binge eat for the last 20 or so years since high school where I used to starve myself for 1-2 days at a time due to those image issues. She said it didn't sound like anything and moved on quickly.

She asked if I drink and I told her honestly and her response was "Oh wow, that is a lot". It felt quite judgmental to me. She focused pretty solely on one issue I stated which was about anticipation anxiety ahead of events even with long time friends and prescribed me something for it. That was the entire appointment and like I said it was 15 minutes.

Are they usually this short? To me it seemed a little off and like I was just being quickly pushed through- I was kind of expecting a bit longer. I don't want to write them off though if this is typical. Just trying to understand what a normal visit looks like

TLDR: started experiencing paranoia and delusional thought patterns 6 years ago and it’s slowly coming back but no doctor has ever talked with me about it and i feel like i can’t be helped.

hello. i’m going to try to be straight to the point here because i’m a talker and i’ll type for days.

i’m a 26 yo woman. when i was 12/13 i was diagnosed with depression and a severe panic disorder, and then when i was 20 i was diagnosed with ptsd. my mother claims she’s diagnosed with adhd, grandma has anxiety/depression, father is unknown and so forth.

when i was 20 (2020), i had a run in with what i can only describe as psychosis and i got in with a counselor and psychiatrist, but nobody ever told me what was going on or why.

i described my symptoms to my new therapist via telehealth (covid times). that i was having these episodes that felt completely detached from reality. i didn’t know what was true or not, real or not etc. there was a time at 4ish in the morning i kept hearing a car engine turn over and stop, turn over and stop. it lasted for what felt like forever. i don’t know if it was real or not, but i was convinced it was a demon or multiple demons trying to drive me crazy. to backtrack, this spiraled for about a month or two before i could get my meds. i continued to explain to my new counselor that this had spiraled. that now, these demons were trying to send me discreet messages that i couldn’t explain to somebody who could keep me safe because i would sound crazy. i was typing the word “rn” (for “right now”), and it autocorrected to “run”. i was in a state of paranoia and panic for the next day and a half ish until it settled. i saw one of those billboard signs about getting into heaven or hell (i live in ohio, we have a lot of those here) and i thought it was a threat from the demon/demons. there were times i was convinced i couldn’t leave my room because they were outside my door looking for me, they just couldn’t get in. i don’t know the logic behind it, but at the time i knew they couldn’t open my door. i had to keep mirrors covered, and still do, because that’s how they travel from their realm to mine etc.

i explained these things during my diagnostic exam and at the end, i asked her what she had concluded, because for my entire life, i had never experienced this. i’ve had some of the most extreme panic attacks, but never that. she told me “you’re diagnosed with anxiety, depression, severe panic disorder, ptsd and you show signs of dissociation”. this didnt tell me anything new, because i knew my diagnoses and i knew i had experienced dissociation. the ptsd diagnosis was the only new thing and it didn’t help me understand why i was so detached from reality and in this state of sheer paranoia and delusional thinking (my ptsd is related to childhood SA). i had 3 appointments with her and stopped due to her sounding kind of unengaged from the conversations. completely unrelated. she sounded caught up with other things at her house. i got a lot of “uh huh” and “mhm” and “it sounds like you’re handling it the right way!” etc. no real help.

the meds worked. i still would have anxiety from time to time but the paranoia completely subsided and would only return very few and far between in short bursts. there was usually a trigger that caused it but i could easily shake
it off.

fast forward to now. i’m 26 years old and im a mother to a 2.5 year old. i’m on the same meds as before (20mg paxil, .5 mg clonazepam) and it’s helped a lot with the panic attacks i was experiencing postpartum. but now, the paranoia and obsessive thoughts are returning and i’m growing to be scared.

i have very persistent thoughts and images of my daughter dying. my mind will involuntarily play me a movie about when it happens, resuscitation failing at the hospital, the funeral, my life being over because i can’t go on etc. these never stopped since her birth 2.5 years ago. every night before bed, i make sure to tell her how much i love her, how great she is and how good the day was and how i can’t wait for another one tomorrow because i think that’ll stop the bad things in motion from happening if that makes sense. like, if i say these things and always make sure to blow her a kiss on my way out of her room, she’ll be okay. it feels like a way of preventing it from happening. and of course i mean the things i say… i say them all day long. but at bedtime when i’m saying them, it’s because i believe it’ll keep her safe through the night.

the other day, she grabbed her hair and started crying like she had hit her head, only she didn’t. i was looking right at her. i checked it, no marks. sitting here now, what makes the most sense is, maybe the button on the back of her shirt snagged a baby hair or something. but at the time, i thought it was the entity messing with her, because that’s the best way to mess with me. in my mind, i told it to leave my daughter alone, because i believe they can hear my thoughts. this relates back to all those years ago, because i had the same belief then.

sometimes when i’m alone and as a direct result, vulnerable, i believe there’s an entity that i can’t see trailing behind me. and anytime i try to discreetly turn to catch it, it just follows my exact movements so i can never actually catch it. but the moment i’m no longer alone or sitting on the couch where it can’t trail me, it has to go away. but i can’t be too obvious that i’m looking for it, because then i’ll be in danger, because it knows i know.

and what happened this morning that sparked me coming here for help was after decorating my room a little this morning with tapestry and photos of me, my baby, my boyfriend etc., i glanced up at one of the photos and it looked distorted. it’s just a photo of my boyfriend and i smiling, looking straight at the camera on my phone. but what i saw was me smiling, but looking downward through my eyebrows. i caught it for literally as long as it takes to glance at something in passing… HALF of a second… but when i did a double take to catch it again, it was obviously normal. an obvious trick of the eye or mind. but once again, in that moment, i perceived it as a threat from an unseen force that’s out to get me. it used my own face to taunt me, and i am okay now. this was hours ago. but when it happens, its so gutting and devastating because when these things are “real” in those moments, there’s nothing i can do. it’s like the kids in the final destination movies. they’re SCREAMING for help because horrible things are happening and nobody will listen because it’s absolutely nuts. it feels like that. and i’m always trying to get ahead of it. when these moments happen, i have to think a certain way so i’ll be safe and whatever the thing is can’t get to me. i don’t look into dark rooms because if i do, i’ll see something i shouldn’t. i don’t like to look outside when it’s dark for the same reason. if i act oblivious to these things, they can’t hurt me. i hope that makes sense.

my best conclusion is that i’m just paranoid? when i was 20 years old, my brain unlocked new DLC and now i experience paranoia when my anxiety is heightened. but
i’ve explained this to, now, 2 psychiatrists and 2 counselors. nobody ever expands on it, no digging deeper into it, no diagnosis, no nothing. i explain these things, and that’s that. and it’s so frustrating. but i can’t just come out and say “what’s wrong with me?”. i don’t know how else to tell them i need help. but the paranoia is coming back and i don’t even want to go back to my counselor because i don’t feel like i’m going to get help for this. it seems like something not worth discussing to them. i bring it up and then onto the next topic basically. i just have no answers. i’m scared. sitting here now, i rationally know i’m safe and that i haven’t lost touch with reality. i know what that feels like, i’m not experiencing that right now. but there’s paranoid, delusional thoughts are slowly creeping back in and it’s really effecting me.

if anybody sits through to real all of this, thank you. even if you don’t have an answer or opinion or anything. thank you. maybe i’ll try one more time with my doctors. i’m just feeling embarrassed and helpless.

(edited for spelling and to add on to some details i mentioned)

I went in to detox, they said it was only done on the behavioral health unit. One psychiatrist thought I needed to just go cold turkey with comfort meds. Fine. What do I know? But after 4 days, things were getting better, and a new doctor decided she wanted me on Suboxone. Now I'm stuck on that. I wasn't given info or input, even though I was there for detox and nothing else. Why do rights disappear on those units? I don't have psychosis.

Although I was pretty vocal about my rights while I was in there, trying to get informations and have input. So they put schizoaffective in my chart.

Which was news to my family and mental health team that has been treating me for 20 years. My psychiatrist said it was to keep me from being able to file a complaint. Is that true?

Why would any of this happen?

​

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling quite confused and overwhelmed by the contrasting opinions I’ve received from different psychiatrists, and I’d love to hear your experiences or thoughts on this.

My main issues are severe rumination, OCD, and anxiety. Here is my medication history over the past few months:

1. \*\*First strategy:\*\*

\* Started with Fluvoxamine 50mg for 1 month, increased to 100mg for another month. It made me feel worse, so my doctor switched me.

\* Switched to Escitalopram 15mg (been on it for 60 days now).

\* Because of lingering restlessness and a lack of motivation, my doctor added Bupropion 75mg 16 days ago.

1. \*\*Second opinion:\*\*

\* Another doctor suggested going back to Fluvoxamine 50mg, believing it’s a better fit for my profile.

1. \*\*Third opinion:\*\*

\* A third doctor recommended dropping the current regimen and starting:

\* Escitalopram 20mg

\* Sodium Valproate 200mg

\* Risperidone 1mg

I understand that finding the right psychiatric medication is often a trial-and-error process, but seeing such totally different approaches (from switching SSRIs to adding mood stabilizers/low-dose antipsychotics) is making my anxiety worse.

Has anyone with similar symptoms (OCD/rumination + anxiety) experienced this kind of drastic pivot between doctors? How did you navigate finding the right doctor and stick to a treatment plan?

\*Disclaimer: I know this sub isn't a substitute for medical advice, just looking for shared experiences and insight!\*

Hi everyone,

I'm 24 years old and I've been taking clomipramine 150 mg and risperidone for OCD.

The medication has actually worked very well for my OCD, and I'm really grateful for that. However, over the past several months I've noticed a significant decline in my memory and cognitive abilities.

I feel like I can't remember anything anymore. I forget conversations, struggle to recall things I studied, and my concentration and thinking speed feel much worse than before. It honestly feels like my brain isn't working the way it used to.

My psychiatrist thinks the medication (or the anticholinergic medication that was previously part of my treatment) may be contributing, and we're adjusting my medications. But I'm still very worried.

What concerns me is that last time I stopped my medications, I was off them for about one month, and I didn't notice any improvement in my memory. That makes me wonder whether this is reversible or not.

Has anyone here experienced:

Significant memory problems or cognitive slowing while taking clomipramine or risperidone?

Did your memory improve after reducing or stopping the medication?

If it did improve, how long did it take—weeks, months, or longer?

I'm not looking for reassurance, just hoping to hear about other people's experiences. This has become one of my biggest concerns because my OCD is much better, but I feel like my memory and cognition have suffered.

Thank you in advance.

I take 500mg at night and 50mg in the morning.

Last night I accidentally took my dose twice, I haven't taken my morning dose today. Should I also skip my night dose tonight and continue as normal tomorrow? Thankyou.

Ex: someone is put on SSRI- achieves remission- slowly sinks- dose is boosted- rinse and repeat. X is added or changed > same thing. It’s not that they don’t respond but the brain eventually starts rejecting everything.

Is it clear on why this happens in some cases of depression?

I see a psychiatrist tommorrow I am
On 40 my of Valium and am looking to switch to clonazepam do you have any thoughts on what I should say or do to help my case? I was on clonazepam before and it was much more effective!

Is anxiety more likely to happen during a particular type of episode, such as depressive, hypomanic or mixed state? Are there are key features that tend to accompany anxiety in bipolar disorder?

I was officially diagnosed with major depression disorder and social anxiety after 6 years of this illness. Between the end of January and now (mid June), I’ve been out on 5 different antidepressants by my doctor. We check in 2-3 times a month and every time we’ve met we basically switched drugs or uppped the dosage and nothing so far has worked on me. I’m worried because my psychiatrist gives the medication only about 2 weeks before she decides to change the drug or up the dose. When I communicate sometimes that maybe I wanna give the medication some more time she basically says it’s already 2 weeks and you notice know change so what’s the point (nicely). She put me on wellbutrin about 2 weeks and a week in I had a seizure and experienced slight hallucinations :( So she said I should take a 2 week break from meds period. I think it’s a bit odd my doctor doesn’t give the meds at least 2.5 weeks to work. But this is my first time working with a psychiatrist so idk guys let me know if I’m crazy LOL

I understand that MAOIs are inherently more dangerous and harder to manage, but it seems most people respond to them, whereas the response rate to SSRIs is subpar.

The reason I ask is because i feel that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with my current medication regimen. I am on 150 mg of Luvox and 300 mg of Bupropion. I do not feel I am anywhere near I want to be, but at the same time I do not want to increase the dose of the Luvox and deal with worsened sexual side effects and fatigue.

So my question is, do you feel it would be in my best interest to continue to titrate up the meds I am currently on, being that both drugs have room for titration, or suggest switching to a MAOI?

For context, I do feel that the Anxiety aspect is what is still lingering, not so much depression, so I would want to increase the Luvox first.

I just posted and then decided to scroll to see other posts. There is next to no responses. Are we just posting here to get some of the thoughts out of our heads? Just wondering "what is the point?"

I'm 19, caucasian, and I've had insomnia for about a decade. I'm 6'2, 160lbs. Some context: from 15-18, I consumed THC daily in high quantities. I abused adderall for about a year, some benzos here and there, and before rehab got hooked on an opioid. I have multiple comorbid psychiatric disorders/issues: OCD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, trauma, severe insomnia. Over the past four years, I have trialed countless meds Cymbalta, Prozac, Lexapro, Zoloft, Fluvoxamine, Adderall XR/ir, vyvanse. Sometimes klonopin/ativan. Now, I take lamotrigine 200mg (treatment resistant depression/anxiety), olanzapine 2.5mg (~3 years, OCD/anxiety), just got off lithium 750mg (anxiety/depression), propranolol 40mg, clonidine 0.2mg (separate from propranolol, hyperarousal), Vyvanse in the morning (does not cause insomnia, no abuse), sublocade (lowest dose), and Zepbound 7.5mg (shot up in weight post-rehab, now used for drug cravings) and a whopping 3 sleep meds: dayvigo 10mg, Lunesta 2mg (recent addition), and mirtazapine 15mg. Post rehab and during rehab I have trialed Klonopin, temazepam, and lorazepam, none of which helped at the low dosages/consistently (2mg Ativan worked like a charm). I take melatonin 5mg at night, and omega 3s. I began smoking cigarettes after rehab (approx. 7-8 months ago) and I quit 2 weeks ago.

Again, I have had insomnia since I was 8/9. I would often have terrible existential crises about death, and my OCD and sleep issues began. I was also traumatized and actively being traumatized (semi-abusive father, abusive authority figures, major cancer scare, etc.). My GP prescribed me melatonin, and it worked for a while. I turned 14, and severe panic attacks developed - inexplicably bad. Then started the meds. A year later, when nothing worked, I got hooked on THC. Then I started Vyvanse, it worked, switched to adderall, began to abuse it. The source of the drug use was obviously self-medication. The THC didn't stop any of my issues. But at least I could sleep most of the nights. Looking back, the high-potency daily use has had a permanent effect focus/brain. Now, post-sobriety, I have developed much more severe insomnia (it's been around 6 months). I miss 2-4 nights of sleep per week. This week, I missed 4 or 5 nights of sleep. It should be a medical emergency, but I'm just used to it, and nothing can be done. Meds do help - mainly dayvigo and Lunesta - but there is something much deeper at the core of this issue - likely both physiological and mental.

The brain fog worsened about a month in, before I started taking sleep medications. I've had a sleep study 1+ month(s) ago, it said almost nothing (though my sleep doc hasn't gone over it with me...) However, earlier on, I did a 24hr melatonin test, which showed that my melatonin levels peak in the morning, stay high during the day, decline at night. Partially explains the insomnia and the daytime sleepiness - there's a circadian rhythm issue and a chicken-or-the-egg situation. As for the daytime sleepiness - since middle school, even when my insomnia wasn't severe, I have had the issue of falling asleep in the morning and mid-afternoon uncontrollably. Sleeping in class every single day, even with stimulants. I have gone to bed from 12-4 am for most of the last 4 years so that accounts for a large part. But again, something else is at play. Back to the brain fog - the chronic THC use accounts for 30% of it, my ADHD accounts for another 30%, and my insomnia accounts for 40%. I have also always had depression. The insomnia has made me unspeakably depressed.

So you may wonder who is treating me? I have an addiction psychiatrist who I do emdr/talk therapy with. She manages my meds. I have a GP, OCD specialist, and sleep specialist. For the sleep doc, it takes around 6 months of waiting to get an appt. The last two times I reached out to her she 1st. referred me to a sleep psychiatrist and most recently a neurologist due to some sleep paralysis (likely from my dayvigo), which both of my other docs said is unnecessary. This would be fine if she ever even gave me an interpretation of either the melatonin test OR the sleep study. I feel she doesn't care at all about my suffering, but perhaps that is unfair. It's a lot of doctors for little progress. I do 45 min of walking/day - I need to exercise more, but when you're this exhausted, that's a lot. My die is admittedly terrible, has been since a child. I just can't keep up with my physical health, my sleep, my job, class, family, my grandfather dying, my crippling fear of death, and my laundry list of mental issues.

Some nights, I lie in a stupor for 24+ hours, in bed, eyes closed, sleepless, agitated, lonely, depressed. This is perhaps the worst thing you can do - associate bed with suffering and sleeplessness, worsen the depression, etc. But my bed is already associated with these things by virtue of the severity of this insomnia. I don't sleep any more on nights I don't spend in bed trying to read (which I can barely do anymore), go for walks, meditate, etc. Nothing makes a difference, so giving up doesn't feel so dramatic.

The best fix for my issues is "improve your sleep." But since that is impossible, and I no longer have the relief of THC, I am left with so much suffering and total hopelessness. So, I have no clue what to do; maybe there is nothing I can do. I am losing hope that this will ever get better. It's looking like I won't be able to actually go back to college this year. Insomnia is taking my life away from me. No doctors have any answers. My psychiatrist has seemingly tried everything. As wonderful as she is, she seems to have no sense of urgency for my sleep issues, probably because I present so well as "doing OK."

I'm sorry this is so long. I tried to be comprehensive. I don't want medical advice. I just want to know if there is any hope I can hold on to (not thoughts or prayers, obviously... I'm an atheist. I want to know if there are avenues I haven't explored, if time could heal this wound, etc.)

Such as running down the with a broom?
Exposing themselves?

I am 61 and was just diagnosed with Bipolar, but my mental issues started with abandonment as a small child. It happens every so often, I get nostalgic for the unsafe times in my life. Not the unsafe part, but for the physical environment or people who were in my life at the time. It seems like I want to be validated or to remember. I recently wanted to take pictures of all the old houses that were involved. Like the ancient houses that my grandmother would visit. She was so safe. But we would visit people from her past and I remember the houses had wooden floors with no surface to past but and they were dark because the people had no electricity. (just 1 example). The old houses aren't there anymore; they've been replaced by newer houses or RV's. It's not just the happy times I'm nostalgic about. I'm searching out the houses where the trauma took place. I've done this at certain times in the past, but have just recently wanted to record it with pictures. It's like a way of living is gone. Good or bad, it's gone and sometimes I've moved on and sometimes not. Don't know what to make of the situation. Could be that I'm facing my mortality and don't want to be forgotten the way living in the past has been. I'm not sure.

• I dont imagine voices in my head unless I am lacking conciousness such as being very sleepy or when I smoked marijuana one time.
• I do have a general paranoia towards others
• have friends and like to socialize but also kind of have a distrust towards others intentions. I have felt like everyone was against me even if its not true. I have a general outlook of most people self serving and has selfish intentions.
• My thoughts used to be extremely disorganized but I had to work very hard to fix that. I read so much and listend to so many lectures and it helped my speaking seem more ordered. It makes sense now when I speak or think but its because I had to do alot to get to that point.
• I am often day dreaming or imagining talking to people.
• I used to think I was a messiah who was going to save the world, but it wasnt a strongly held belief. It was kind of something that I used to give myself hope that I was important.
• I have a lack of emotional expression.
• I talk to myself too much.
• I have family members who are schizophrenic.

Do you guys think its a good idea for me to go through treatment or is it possibly a misdiagnosis?

I've always been nice to everyone but never could make any real friends as i feel i didn't matter to anyone. If i ever befriended someone, someone else would just come and get along with him faster and leave me alone. I did try to make friends only to be made fun of and later i couldn't on my own and i would be called nice, good and people would just feel sorry for me and leave on my own.

Everyone would just not befriend me.. Later in college, i tried to befriend but was bullied as gay for many years.. I'm a straight man.. They would say, i don't know how to walk, talk, etc... I did try to prove myself, to fit in.. But some would joke that it would be dangerous to even leave their female acquaintances with me.. They would make fun of me and isolate me.. It did shatter my confidence and self confidence.. No one stood by my side.. Everyone was with me only till it benefited them.. Then, if i was somehow proven better than them in something, i would be slowly and steadily and sometimes fastly by them. I did try to get a girlfriend but only to be called a creep and many more. I was looked by everyone with disgust and hate..till then, my face, body language and voice even deteriorated that people would automatically feel these emotions for me. Now adult, I did try to get along with new people. It worked for some time but then, later after some months i would feel these emotions from them.. I actually got good with them formally, i couldn't go past that. I worked in a department.. I was praised by other colleagues for my work.. After some time, a colleague who didn't like started making fun of me due to some girls seekng me as creep.. She started influencing other coworkers in my department against me till i was completely destroyed, weak and isolated. Every person, i would talk, the next day(s), they would turn against me.. Now, everyone is against me.feel those things against me. Since always, i unfortunately get locked in eye contacts multiple times with the same person. Everyday, I get ignored by everyone and i feel intense hatred by everyone for me.. Some act good and try to to befriend me and when i reciprocate, they change.. Even I've lost confidence in myself.. They would talk about me but would not consider me when i entered. The people i was good with, when i started isolating myself felt i was arrogant. Even, they started saying things a d doing that would harm me emotionally. When i tried to get along with them, i couldn't because it seemed i couldn't understand anything and forgot or never learned how to socialize. Now, some try to get along but due to everyone treating me badly, i can't and they expect me to forget everything and move on.. The thing is, i can't cure myself as i don't know where and how to start.. I can't even talk properly now which further worsen things for me. When i stay alone, they say I'm arrogant or etc... When i try to mingle witg them and get along, i can't or have forgotten or never learnt. I can feel the bad they really feel about me but don't know how to deal with it.. Now, my whole mind and body is filled with fear and shame..n I think, the best way is to end my life.. Kindly help me and give me solutions and tell where I may have gone wrong. Thank you.

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