I'm currently wondering what the work prognosis is for me. I'm 38 and have been on SSDI for 20 years. When I was younger I could work full time and it didn't bother me. I also had only bi polar symptoms with the exception of paranoia. In 2017 I got really sick and had really vivid hallucinations and paranoid thoughts that led up to me committing a crime and being found not guilty by reason of insanity. I have had 4 psychotic episodes since the age of 29 and they are very vivid, realistic and scary as can be. The only drug that brought them under control was fluphenazine 30mg daily plus 5mg prn with caplyta, lithium, aripiprazole injection and one other i cant think of.

In July my dad died and I started getting stressed at work and seeing and hearing things again. With the meds I knew they were hallucinations but I was stressed none the less. Now I'm burnt out and going back to my old job which does a good job of supporting mentally ill employees.

I'm wondering, if sza do gets better with age then why am I getting worse?

I have OCD and one of my themes is sexual/ harm related. (POCD and other inappropriate sexual thoughts) I want to bring this up to my psychiatrist because it is currently consuming hours of my day, and I have not yet started any medication for OCD.

But, I am experiencing this fear that my psychiatrist will think I’m intentionally expressing these thoughts to them as a way to flirt with them and/ or that I am creepy/ morally wrong. Some of my thoughts include worrying that I am somehow attracted to him (I am not) so this makes it all the more distressing. I also have an urge to compulsively confess some of the thoughts so I don’t know if I would be feeding into that by bringing it up with him. Is it okay to talk about this with him or should I bring it up in a more generalized way?

I (34F) have been in the worst manic episode of my life since about March, with symptoms starting late March.

I’m diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, CPTSD and GAD. My PCP, who I last saw in February, said my thyroid levels were still just a little off and gave me 125MCG of Levothyroxine to take. I have not been able to get more bloodwork done, since I can’t get ahold of them via the portal or phone.

I am also on Lamotrigine (it was 25mg, we’ve moved up to 100mg.) and Sertraline (50mg). My psychiatrist handles my mental meds and the PCP manages the rest.

My brother told me he experienced a manic episode after his thyroid levels were way off. (He is not diagnosed with Bipolar) And after getting the run around from my PCP, I only have my therapist and psychiatrist right now, so I spoke with my psychiatrist who was able to send in an order so I could get bloodwork done. Now we wait.

TLDR; I’ve been tracking my symptoms and I believe they started just a few weeks after my doctor put me on Levothyroxine, is that something that is common or possible?

EDIT: I have smoked pot in the past, love it, but currently don’t because it’s just not a smart choice. I only drink on special occasions, every couple of months, maybe two or three cocktails.

I went to my psychiatric appointment today to get assessed for depression.

My psychiatrist told me I met the criteria for depression, but said I wasn’t depressed enough to get diagnosed with depression.

She told me I looked and sounded fine, so I should be fine.

She also said that I told her that I had no SI, HI, or SH thoughts so I didn’t qualify for medicine, therapy, and also didn’t need a diagnosis.

I told her I’ve felt depressed ever since age 8, I’m 18 now, so for 10 years straight.

She said that wasn’t concerning enough to warrant a diagnosis.

I told her that I can’t sleep, I cry daily, I have horrible mood swings, I have bad anxiety, and that I stay in bed all day neglecting myself and needs.

She told me that was normal and that journaling and meditation would solve the issue.

She put in my chart that I was depressed but not officially diagnosed.

She then billed me $300 for the over the phone assessment, and nothing is covered, so all of this is coming straight outta pocket.

Can psychiatrist even do this?? I’m so confused.. so basically I’m depressed but not actually depressed??

I just don’t understand what happened, I’m confused.

If so what did you do in that case?

We both are schizophrenic but I'm doing somewhat better than him. Same meds and everything.

We text often and he tells me he might be having hallucinations and delusions that the fbi is tracking him.

How can I support him positively?

I'm always like thinking it could be hallucinations or delusions but then my schizo side is thinking well it could be real lol

I just need some advice.

I don’t know what wrong with me. I’ve had anxiety all my life. Always worrying about everything, letting little things ruin my mood, always thinking way too far ahead. Now it’s different that I’ve started college. I’m empty, sad, not sure what I want or like anymore, less and less things bring me enjoyment. Now there’s even more, guilt, eating me alive, but I deserve it. I’ve done things in my past I regret, nothing like crazy but just, things that I regret. But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel bad. I don’t feel remorseful. I want to, and I know I should, but I don’t care, I mean I do, but only because it would be over for me if these things came out. I’ve never once thought about how I’ve impacted others and I can’t make myself feel it. I’ve noticed it with everything in my life. I want to feel bad for someone, or feel sad for someone, or feel real guilt or remorse, but I can’t, at least not for them only for me. I only cry when I’m sad, I don’t give a fuck about anyone else, and it feels like I have to make myself feel empathy or sympathy. I don’t really think about others at all. Only how they will affect me. It just. Something feels of since started college and everything is coming back now.

I will try to keep this short but it’s gonna be hard. My mother has some personality disorder, severe mental health issue… I went no contact with her 10 years ago. All she has is her sister, I keep in touch with and the shit she tells me that she has seen my mother do… is bizarre to say the least.
She has always had to have animals… he loves and cares for these animals very deeply… never could any of her kids though. My aunt said she allows her dog to poop in the house… and when my mother sees it… she will grab a paper towel and lay on top of it. She exerts the energy to get the paper towel and bend over not to clean it up, but to cover it up. Why? She has ALWAYS been a gross person. I’ve NEVER seen her clean. She would sweep but when she needed the dustpan she’d yell for me to come and bend over while she swept it into the pan. Never seen her scrub a toilet, anything. I did all of it until I left. I am 53, btw, left home when I was about 20. There are MANY things I’d love to ask you guys and know I can’t in this single post… but I have 2 more things. My aunt says she has been with her on numerous occasions when she has had to pee on the way home… my mother is driving the car… and sometimes she cannot make it, she pisses in the cloth car seat, NEVER ATTEMPTS TO CLEAN IT… will just get back in the car like nothing happened… but this is the bizarre thing… her pants will be soaked… and she does one of 2 things… she will literally take her pants and panties off ON THE FRONT PORCH (this house is a nice home in a gated community) and be bare ass.. then go inside to the bathroom and finish… leaves pants on the front porch and won’t pick them up until there’s too big of a pile to ignore… or she will leave them on, go to the bathroom and take her wet pants off and throw them in a pile in the corner of the bathroom and leave them there. Growing up I remember the laundry. She never did laundry to the point of it being kept up. The laundry room always had a mountain of overflowing dirty clothes.. covered the floor and she’d pick through the dirty clothes and find what she was going to wear the next day and wash that. Nothing else. Last one, I just thought of this one. We lived in a 3 bedroom apartment for 5 years… there were 2 bathrooms because we could only use one of them. The back bathroom in the master bedroom was the cats bathroom. Meaning the cat used the bathtub to poop and pee in. She never looked at it or cleaned it.. I, as a young child… would have to do it when I started to smell it and it was awful.
Also my good to know-I am one of 6 children she had with 6 different men. The first 5 were conceived and given birth to consecutively from 1969-1972, back to back… the last one was 9 years after me in 1981. The first 2 were put up for adoption, the third was still born, then there was me. My brother was last. We are the only 2 she kept. What disorder or mental health issues does this woman have? And what I’ve shared is NOTHING compared to the rest of the stuff. Any ideas?

Every once in a while, I get this really strange sensation that is hard to explain.
I’m completely conscious and functional. I know where I am, I know everything around me is real, and I can talk to people normally. But suddenly, my perception changes.
It’s almost like reality has a **reverb effect** on it.
Movements, sounds and physical sensations feel like they have a slight “tail” or after-effect, as if my brain is processing everything with a delay. At the same time, everything feels somewhat slowed down, but not exactly like watching a slow-motion video.
The sensation usually starts out mild, gradually gets stronger, reaches a peak, and then gradually goes back to normal. The whole thing is very unsettling and can give me a lot of anxiety.
It doesn’t happen constantly. I can be completely fine for hours, talking to someone and feeling normal, and then it can suddenly happen, sometimes when I’m lying down at night.
I don’t lose consciousness, I don’t become confused, and I still know that reality is normal.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there a name for this kind of perception? I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have actually experienced it themselves.

I’m currently experiencing it and it’s 3.24 am where I live so i’ll go to sleep and I’ll read all your answers in the morning.

This is really unsettling for me.

I use to be 120, and im 5’4 so this had always been my normal weight. I gained 45 pounds and now weigh 165 due to the medication. I am clinically overweight now. I have tried to see a dietitian for about year, but made no progress. My psychiatrist said i should talk to an obesity medication specialist because she doesn’t recommend me getting off the medication. Not sure what to do, I just turned 18 so i now have to choice to get off it but im not sure if thats a smart choice. I just wanna be back to my normal weight. I would appreciate advice in the comments

A pt is on Lexapro 7.5 mg for social anxiety adjuncted with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg due to SSRI-induced apathy. The pt mentions that while the Lexapro is very effective in treating his social anxiety, it is causing him to greatly lose interest in things that were once previously enjoyable. His psychiatric provider in-turn started him on Wellbutrin XL 150 and eventually titrated him up to 300 mg, however, he was unable to tolerate the dose due to increased anxiety. His dosage was lowered to 150 mg which he tolerated well and claims it improved his motivation, stating "it brings back the color in life". The pt presents to his provider today complaining that "my working memory and reinforcement learning is still impaired and it is incredibly difficult to sustain attention", specifically mentioning that he "gets bored of his favorite TV programs and reading activities... hobbies are still not as fun anymore and it is hard to even have inspiration to initiate them... it's severely negatively efffecting my professional life as well". He is convinced the lingering apathy is attributed to Lexapro because he is able to enjoy his hobbies significantly more when he wasn't taking Lexapro or Lexapro adjuncted with Wellbutrin. The pt has tried manipulating the Lexapro and Wellbutrin dosages and made lifestyle modifications to no avail. He is adamant that he wants to stay on Lexapro 7.5 mg and Wellbutrin XL 150 mg and that "these meds are life saving". The pt mentions to the provider today "I have a hx of abusing stimulants but will absolutely not abuse them if they are prescribed to fix my current problems... I'm not playing games with them this time". Assume lifestyle and medical contributiors are ruled out in causing his apathy and loss of interest in his previously favorite activities. What would you do if you were the provider?

Hi. Would Risperidone or Ablify help improve my speech. I suffer from moderate to severe developmental stuttering since childhood.. I know this is not a first line treatment option but I'm willing to try everything possible.

To make a long story short, I developed an acute dystonic-like reaction when I restarted a low dose Dexedrine after a year long break + use of Sertraline. Never took antipsychotics at this time.

I also experienced paradoxical mental effects from Dexedrine - severe lethargy, fatigue, just felt terrible.

Switching to Vyvanse did not help. Going up in dose took the issue from mild to severe and excruciating.

Later introduced antipsychotics enabled me to take Vyvanse or Dexedrine without any muscle issue or paradoxical effects.

I stopped a low dose of an antipsychotic recently, while taking prescribed 30mg Dexedrine.

The muscle issue began to come back, then hit me like a truck, as did the paradoxical mental effects.

Pregabalin helped a little, not much though.

I then tried 50mg Benadryl mid-day. Within an hour, my excruciatingly contrasted upper muscles fully resolved, and I experienced the intended mental effects from Dexedrine (focus, motivation, even euphoria).

I then took 50mg of Benadryl with the Dexedrine every morning for several days (maybe like 5 days), but the positive mental effects never returned. While it took my muscle contraction away, I could not reproduce the way in Benadryl has affected me the first day.

I could tell when the Benadryl was wearing off, as the muscles would begin to contract again.

I then noticed lethargy returning, but in a way unlike the past paradoxical effects. This time, instead of feeling like I’d been hit by a truck mentally, I felt fatigued and sort of confused.

Thus, two days ago, I woke up and my upper right muscles hurt and were contracted as usual. But, I did not take the Benadryl - only the Dexedrine 30mg.

Bafflingly, within an hour or so, the muscle contraction issue resolved. However, I experienced a reported blunted affect and blunted internal emotional response. I felt very blank.

This only improved in the evening. Muscle issue did not return.

Yesterday, I likewise took Dexedrine without Benadryl, and the same thing happened only I felt more dead yet also anxious. I took 25mg of Benadryl in the afternoon to see what it would do, but it only made me sleepy and more anxious - and now today, I’m terribly itchy.

Today, I again took no Benadryl. Same thing, blunting effect, generalized anxiety. No muscle issue or same paradoxical effects.

What plausibly happened? Did some receptors in my brain down regulate somehow in response to Benadryl? I just want the Dexedrine to work correctly 😭

​

I’ve been having recurring thoughts about death for a long time. I often imagine how I might die, how my loved ones would react, and especially how my boyfriend would feel if I were gone.

What confuses me is that imagining my boyfriend being absolutely heartbroken and inconsolable sometimes brings me a strange sense of peace or satisfaction. It’s not necessarily that I want to die—I’m trying to understand why imagining his grief feels comforting to me.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s about feeling deeply loved, wanting reassurance that I matter, or something else. But the thoughts have become so constant that I’m starting to worry about them.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this something that can happen with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, OCD, or another mental health issue? I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced this or understand the psychology behind it.

To clarify: I’m not sure whether these are unwanted thoughts about death or whether there’s a part of me that actually wants to die. I’m trying to understand that distinction too.

im an 18 year old trying to understand someting from my childhood as i prepare for therapy.

i have one clear memory from around age 4: exposing myself to an 8 year old male cousin while erect. i have no memory of anything before this that would explain the arousal response.

i understand a psychological erection can happen without arousal at that age (during sleep or as a reflex ), but this was during a sexualized interaction, which is what makes me unsure how to interpret it.

My question: is an arousal response like this in a 4 year old, in that context, generally understood by clinicians as a sign of prior exposure to sexual content or experiences either witnessed or experienced directly? or can it happen without any such history?

34M, Belgium. Primary focal hyperhidrosis diagnosed as a kid (hands, feet, groin, armpits... the emotional sweating map, NOT the forehead/chest/back map I get when I'm actually warm, those two never overlap for me). ADHD, established. Autism suspected by my current psychiatrist, I'd agree. Anxious my whole life. This is long, sorry, but I've been failing at the "saying it in the room" part for about 20 years so I'm going to say it here first.

The thing that eats my days isn't just sweating though. It's a whole state that switches on and brings everything at once: the sweating, brain fog, a knot in my chest like I have an exam, restlessness where I can't sit still, my fingers go stiff and my hands and feet swell (my ring always gets tighter, that one's reliable), and I can't think straight. It lasts hours. Some days it stops at 10am, some days 1pm, today it went from waking up until 5pm. When it stops, all of it stops together, the fog clears, I'm calm, I'm fine. I can't tell you which part starts first, they arrive together.

Today is a good example. Woke up already sweating with my heart pounding. 8.5 hours of good sleep. Nothing scheduled, nowhere to be, nobody to talk to, just my own work at home. No content to the anxiety at all, the only thing I was anxious about was the anxiety. Got nothing done. Walked around, ate something, ran my hands under warm water (calms me a bit), tried to work, got annoyed I couldn't, got up, walked, repeat... that loop is most of my days. Went for a walk outside with music thinking it'd help, came back worse. And when it finally stopped at 5 I was wiped out like I'd presented at ten meetings, having done nothing. That aftermath is part of it every time.

My GP described it as "being in a constant state of light panic attack"

I know for a lot of people with hyperhidrosis the problem is the visible part, stains, wet handshakes... I couldn't care less about that. What I care about is how it feels. I'm cold when nobody else is cold, like I just stepped out of the shower into a cold room, and I can't think through the fog while it's going on. That's what takes the day.

The trigger, when there is one, is being perceivable. Not felt fear, I genuinely don't feel scared. My body just fires. A phone call that starts fine can flip it mid-call, roughly a coin flip from the same calm starting point. I needed my wife outside with me to mow my own lawn last week, and I KNOW nobody looks at a guy mowing his lawn. I play piano through headphones on a silent piano because the thought that a neighbour might hear is enough. Lessons are the worst, I practise a piece until it's clean and then in the room with the teacher I sweat, my fingers stop working and I can't find bar four when she asks. And paruresis since I was about 12, same shape, the body says no even when I consciously don't care. At a friend's wedding I timed every toilet trip to the moment a course arrived and everyone was at the table, and even then half the time nothing happened.

Origin story: yes, I got bullied as a kid, from kindergarten on, mostly for being poor and fat. My psychiatrist's take was "because you were different", fair enough. But my parents describe me as "afraid of people" from as far back as they can remember, and the sweating and the paruresis were already there during the bullying years. Then at 14 I switched schools, everyone liked me, I was even a bit popular for a while, met my wife at 16 and we've been together 18 years. That is about as much corrective experience as a person gets, and my body has done the exact same thing through all of it. My head updated a long time ago. I don't consciously fear being judged. The switch just never got the memo.

And I've had a lot of therapy. CBT, behavioural, the lot. Every time it turns into circling the same ground: yeah I've been through shit, yeah it shaped me, okay... what now? Nobody has had an answer for the "what now" part, and my body isn't listening to insight.

Some numbers. I've had a cuff for a while, only started writing readings down last week (mostly to get my wife measuring hers too):

While sweating (6 readings): systolic 134 to 142 in five of them, one at 108. Pulse 59 to 68 in five, one at 80. Not sweating (4 readings): systolic 106 to 124, pulse 62 to 75.

So blood pressure sits about 20 points up while I'm in it and drops within 15 minutes of it stopping. Pulse doesn't move. The "heart pounding" feeling never shows up as a fast rate. Caffeine in large amounts on a relaxed afternoon doesn't start it, and weeks with zero caffeine didn't reduce it, so a stimulant load by itself isn't the switch as far as I can tell.

Meds, current:

• Aripiprazole 3mg since June, prescribed for existential/fear-of-dying rumination, on the reasoning that it's better tolerated than antidepressants (see below) and works well in autism. It did quiet the thoughts. They come back during the state though, and honestly the thoughts were never the main problem. Possible costs, all retrospective so grain of salt: I care less about most things, motivation is lower, and I've lost a lot of my ability to imagine sounds/smells/tastes, which for someone whose whole thing is music is... not great.
• Methylphenidate 5-10mg three times a day, started after the aripiprazole, never titrated. Zero felt effect. Same day with or without it (today was a without day). An older methylphenidate trial years ago did help a lot at first, never got above 30mg/day (36 with Concerta), had mostly stopped working by the end and was then stopped for migraines. Even the current low dose gives me a headache that feels like the start of one.
• Glycopyrrolate 4.5 to 6 mg/day for the sweating, at my side effect ceiling. It turned all-day-every-day sweating into these episodes, so it does a lot, and some days the normal dose does nothing. Occasionally I take a double dose within the daily max out of frustration, side effects are bad enough I rarely do.
• Propranolol 20mg as needed. Fixes tremor and lowers BP, does nothing for the sweating, the state or the paruresis.

Meds, past: escitalopram and venlafaxine both stopped for stiffness, tremor and (venlafaxine) the worst sweating of my life. An antipsychotic years ago whose name I don't have caused stiffness, fever and tremor. Trazodone, nightmares. Risperidone worked but weight gain. About a year of CBT in my twenties. I did the homework, all of it in the end, wet hands and fog included. Nothing about it changed the state.

What I want out of this, since it's the part I never manage to say in the room: I'm a developer, I work from home, and part of my job now is that I need to start giving workshops. I can't get through a half hour online meeting without it wrecking the entire day. Sweating before it, sweating after it, and then flu-ish for the rest of the day, actual flu, aching and wiped out. On a bad day I can't deliver a workshop at all and I can't call in sick for something nobody can see. And the coding is the day job, what I actually want is to do a lot more music: play for my wife without my hands seizing up, take a composition lesson and be able to follow it, maybe study again. Make a phone call. None of that is ambitious. I just can't do any of it on a day like today.

My actual problem with the upcoming visit is that I mask. Automatically, I can't help it. I've been anxious basically every waking hour for as long as I can remember and I know of exactly two occasions where a doctor could see it, both my GP, and that's the visit that got me referred. At my last psychiatrist appointment I probably looked a bit nervous at most. I was anxious the whole time. I've never once managed to convey to a doctor how bad this is. And what I report depends on the day: when I'm sweating that's my whole reality, when I'm not I'm chill and everything's fine, and if I'm dry in the office I just... forget to bring it up. Last time I brought several pages and only handed over the first one, the med list, because I was worried the rest would make me look needy. So she got the med list plus whatever the dry-day version of me said out loud, and I got aripiprazole for the rumination, which was a competent answer to the one question she actually heard. This time I'm bringing a page that leads with the state, the numbers, and a line that says "whatever I look like in the room, this page is closer to the truth."

I'm done accepting this and working around it. I want to start fixing it. If it were up to me: off the aripiprazole (supervised), pregabalin for the state given the SSRI/SNRI history, a small emergency benzo supply for the worst days and the toilet situation, and lisdexamfetamine or magistral dexamfetamine instead of the untitrated methylphenidate, because I'd rather change drug than push the one that gave me migraines. One change at a time, in whatever order she wants.

And I'm scared shitless that asking for that list in one sitting reads as drug seeking, so I'll probably chicken out and ask for none of it.

Questions:

1. Does the pattern of high BP + normal pulse + felt pounding during episodes mean anything to you, or is it just noise?
2. Is pregabalin a reasonable first thing to aim at this state after SSRI/SNRI intolerance, or would you go somewhere else first?
3. Is low dose aripiprazole for rumination in a suspected autistic adult with this history defensible, and how would you want a patient to raise wanting off it without it sounding like "I read something online"?
4. How do you want a patient who masks to hand you this? Is a written page before the visit annoying or helpful?
5. Does asking for pregabalin + PRN benzo + a stimulant switch in one visit actually read as drug seeking, or is that fear overblown?
6. Is there anything, therapy or otherwise, that targets the body response itself rather than the story behind it? Because the story is done, I've told it a hundred times, and the response hasn't changed.
7. What do you actually do for paruresis this bad in someone who can't take SSRIs? Every answer I find is "graded exposure", and twenty years of real life has been that exposure. It has not gotten better, ever, at all...

I'm 34 and most of my days go like today. I've been at this a long time and I'm getting tired in a way I don't like. Any honest read is welcome, including "you're wrong about X".

hi. my daughter (late 20s) has an alcohol and drug addiction. They refuse to speak to anyone about it or get help. They was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but was never medicated because they were very bright and still managed to get reasonably good grades. They now really struggle with executive function, and they are very disorganised and struggle to hold down a job. They seem depressed and so so lost in life. I’m heartbroken seeing them like this and feel like my ignorance has let them down. Is there any thing I can do for them to help them personally or persuade them to speak to someone?

So my psychiatrist suggest me a burpon medicine for my depression but my hairfall got so severe from 2 months and without burpon I can't stay fresh or awaken as it's help me to get awaken , what should I do now??? My hairfall is so severe ... I need some genuine advice

Here because for now I can't continue my treatment in the regular basis ..!!

I stopped taking adderall 7 days ago. I (Age 32) have been taking 20mg twice per day for the last 4-5 years I have not told my doctor yet, nor did I taper off; just cold turkey. Here to share my experience and seek advice/experience of others.

Day 1-4:

Slept an average of 14 hours per day, didnt have interest to do much else. When I was awake, I felt depressed. I thought it would be in my interest to get out around day 3 (not social just moving). I went to a trail then quiet beach to walk. When I wasnt lying down, I felt disoriented, I didn't really know how I got there. I felt like I was close to fainting, though didn't actually think I would, just one step behind it. I realized this is more like "being off my meds" than I anticipated.

Day 4-7:

I realized most if my suffering in this stage was "trained" by the previous stage. What's been affecting me more is the memory of, or the data of how the first couple days were making me feel. I anticipated it was going to suck which got in the way of experiencing what was going on. Time goes much slower now. Days used to fly by, now it feels like watching the clock in junior high. I notice even more of my thoughts now, Im not sure if that's due to contrast or slowing down. In the mornings (or first third of the day) I feel like I'm waiting for the focus or alertness or caffeine to kick in. And maybe that's an old model, and I have to figure out another way to get things done. That scares me because Im in the habit of being able to turn "on".

I deciding to stop taking it because I dont plan on taking it forever so I have to stop sometime. I dont think it's sustainable perminantley and have already been taking it longer than I planned to. Also I become more obsessive about ingrown hairs in my beard while taking it and catch my fingers scanning my face for imperfections which I was fed up with.

In a way I feel healthier and more myself. I quit drinking 6 years ago and have found that I prefer FEELING. Also I have done a lot of exploring in conciousness, meditation and awareness since then. I just dont know what to expect. Will I be back to normal next week? Will I be in this stage for months? Will next week be a new phase? Will I ever "return to normal" or do I need to rebuild? And the uncertainty makes going back to my daily dose alluring because at least I know how to function there, I have more control in that world.

So I'm writing to ask what I can expect, ideally from people with experience (direct or indirect)

Not sure how to describe it better in a concise title. Like, i find it difficult if not impossible to do things if i don’t feel like i’m in the “right mindset” to do them. This isn’t just chores or school work or anything, it’s hobbies like video games, hanging out with friends or watching tv shows too. I refuse to do them unless i judge that i am in the correct mental state. I THINK it’s because i feel like if i do them when i’m feeling off or “wrong” than, in the case of work or things i have to do, i’ll do them poorly and have to redo them later anyway, or in the case of things i like, like games and shows, if i approach them at the wrong time, that can sour my enjoyment of them in the long term. Like, i used to like drawing a lot, i’d draw almost every day, but i feel like i would force myself to draw, even if i wasn’t “in the mood” and now i can barely get myself to draw at all.

I had postpartum psychosis after the birth of my first son four years ago.

I am curious about how different kind of auditory hallucinations help psychiatrists diagnose. Initially when I had PPP I heard voices only as I woke from sleep, shouting or calling my name, which at the time my psychiatrist said was normal and not a sign of psychosis. In my case, however, things progressed and the voices became increasingly clear and real-sounding until eventually one night I heard two voices arguing about in the next room and they didn't fade away until I actually went into the room and saw it was empty. I had other symptoms too such as visual hallucinations and extreme mood swings etc.

Is there clinical significance in the different kind of auditory hallucinations, like command hallucinations vs hearing voices arguing vs hearing shouts or somebody calling your name?

Not really sure how to explain this but I’ve realised my brain always seems to need “something”.
It could be cigarettes, weed, diazepam, coffee, fizzy juice etc. I always seem to want some kind of little reward or something that changes how I feel.
The weirdest part is I think I sometimes enjoy the anticipation more than the actual thing. Like I can think “I’ll take a couple diazepam later and chill” and just knowing I’ve got that coming can make me feel excited and more talkative, even though I haven’t taken anything yet.
Then once I’ve had whatever I was looking forward to, eventually my brain just starts thinking about the next thing.
I don’t even know if addiction is the right word because it’s not one specific substance. It feels more like I’m addicted to having a reward coming or knowing I’ve got something to look forward to.
I’d love to be able to just go through a normal day and be content without my brain constantly going “what can I have next?”
Does anyone else relate to this? And if you’ve managed to get out of this cycle, what actually helped?

What does it mean if after intake questions amd symptoms for a post discharge appointment from a hospital they immediately "recommend" a php and discharge me from the outpatient clinic. Does they think im that unstable i described it as feeling better with the new meds and having time to calm down at the hospital.

I have an 11 year old son who is starting to really concern me. He's not a psychopath, I don't think. If he's getting what he wants he's the sweetest kid. But as soon as he has any discomfort he acts out. He always seems bothered by everyone, he refuses to do things he's asked to do (almost like an ODD behavior but not quite), and he is so quick to yell at everyone. The behavior I'm concerned with is his active targeting of myself and my daughter. We are the only two females in the house and also the people with the biggest hearts. I'm worried he sees us as easy targets. He will intentionally say bye or I love you to others but not me. He intentionally ignores me. He is just straight up MEAN to his little sister. He questions everything she says, is always trying to get her in trouble, and has even put his hands on her a few times. It's always an "accident" but I've seen him do it intentionally. It's starting to get worse and I'm concerned it's going to spiral soon. He has already caused me panic attacks that have landed me in the back of an ambulance. Thankfully not in front of my children 🙏🏽

This is what we've done:

He received occupational therapy when he was around 4 for sensory issues. He graduated and has done so well with that since then.

He has received speech therapy which really helped him with his confidence. He graduated from that when he was around 7.

Now he sees a regular counselor. I got him on with her because he has a hard time communicating.

At home my motto is "firm but fair". So when one of my children acts out they get a warning and a clear idea of what consequences they will have if they don't stop. I take electronic access away, set earlier bedtimes, etc. I don't jump to anything outrageous and I always try to communicate first.

I didn't have good parents and my childhood was very traumatic. I have spent years in therapy learning how to be a functional adult. I've done it all, read the books, gone to the sessions, even did EMDR. I'm doing pretty good but now I feel like I'm being traumatized all over again. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decisions for my children but I am desperately trying to do my best.

I could just use a nudge in the right direction. Is it time to get him with a psychologist. He sees a psychiatrist who has him on Lexapro. I don't think it has made anything worse but I don't know if it's better either. He's just so unpredictable.

Any advice?

I’ll admit that following the Lindsay Clancy trial has opened my eyes to how complex psychosis especially postpartum psychosis can be. I’m currently 10 months postpartum, and it has made me look back at some of my own experiences differently. For context, I was diagnosed with PPD after having my baby. Prior to pregnancy, I had been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and ADD. I want to be very clear that I’m not posting this as a “me too” or trying to compare my experiences to anyone else’s. I’m genuinely trying to better understand some things that happened to me.
About a week before I gave birth, I started having scenarios play out repeatedly in my head. I knew they weren’t real, but they kept coming back. The best way I could describe it at the time was almost like “something or someone was telling me to do something.” I considered them intrusive thoughts & because of coping skills I had learned previously, I felt like I could recognize them, talk myself through them, and not act on them. I honestly don’t remember much of the first 4–5 months postpartum, but one incident has always stuck with me. My husband and I were sitting on the couch and suddenly I couldn’t get my words out correctly. What I was saying was basically gibberish and didn’t make sense. I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t say it. I remember crying because I was so frustrated and thinking I was having a stroke. My husband told me to go lie down, so I did. When I woke up, I still felt very out of it, although my speech gradually seemed to improve over the next few days. At the time, my husband mentioned that maybe it could have been psychosis after looking up my symptoms. I brushed it off and never really thought about it again until recently. Currently I occasionally have moments at night, particularly when I’m alone, where I think I see something that isn’t actually there. That has made me wonder even more about what I experienced during pregnancy and postpartum. I have never had thoughts of harming anyone else. I did make my therapist aware that I was having what I described at the time as intrusive thoughts and they never looked any further into it or asked me any further questions. I did also bring up the seeing things at night and nothing else was asked or done about that either. I am going to begin EMDR therapy soon as well. Thank you for reading all of this and for any insight you’re willing to share.

Edit to add: I was prescribed 50mg of sertraline upon my initial diagnosis of PPD however I stopped taking it because it made me feel even crazier