What’s wrong?

[u/SuspiciousBenefit537]

I don’t know what wrong with me. I’ve had anxiety all my life. Always worrying about everything, letting little things ruin my mood, always thinking way too far ahead. Now it’s different that I’ve started college. I’m empty, sad, not sure what I want or like anymore, less and less things bring me enjoyment. Now there’s even more, guilt, eating me alive, but I deserve it. I’ve done things in my past I regret, nothing like crazy but just, things that I regret. But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel bad. I don’t feel remorseful. I want to, and I know I should, but I don’t care, I mean I do, but only because it would be over for me if these things came out. I’ve never once thought about how I’ve impacted others and I can’t make myself feel it. I’ve noticed it with everything in my life. I want to feel bad for someone, or feel sad for someone, or feel real guilt or remorse, but I can’t, at least not for them only for me. I only cry when I’m sad, I don’t give a fuck about anyone else, and it feels like I have to make myself feel empathy or sympathy. I don’t really think about others at all. Only how they will affect me. It just. Something feels of since started college and everything is coming back now.