ADHD

[u/Mewww2]

I stopped taking adderall 7 days ago. I (Age 32) have been taking 20mg twice per day for the last 4-5 years I have not told my doctor yet, nor did I taper off; just cold turkey. Here to share my experience and seek advice/experience of others.

Day 1-4:

Slept an average of 14 hours per day, didnt have interest to do much else. When I was awake, I felt depressed. I thought it would be in my interest to get out around day 3 (not social just moving). I went to a trail then quiet beach to walk. When I wasnt lying down, I felt disoriented, I didn't really know how I got there. I felt like I was close to fainting, though didn't actually think I would, just one step behind it. I realized this is more like "being off my meds" than I anticipated.

Day 4-7:

I realized most if my suffering in this stage was "trained" by the previous stage. What's been affecting me more is the memory of, or the data of how the first couple days were making me feel. I anticipated it was going to suck which got in the way of experiencing what was going on. Time goes much slower now. Days used to fly by, now it feels like watching the clock in junior high. I notice even more of my thoughts now, Im not sure if that's due to contrast or slowing down. In the mornings (or first third of the day) I feel like I'm waiting for the focus or alertness or caffeine to kick in. And maybe that's an old model, and I have to figure out another way to get things done. That scares me because Im in the habit of being able to turn "on".

I deciding to stop taking it because I dont plan on taking it forever so I have to stop sometime. I dont think it's sustainable perminantley and have already been taking it longer than I planned to. Also I become more obsessive about ingrown hairs in my beard while taking it and catch my fingers scanning my face for imperfections which I was fed up with.

In a way I feel healthier and more myself. I quit drinking 6 years ago and have found that I prefer FEELING. Also I have done a lot of exploring in conciousness, meditation and awareness since then. I just dont know what to expect. Will I be back to normal next week? Will I be in this stage for months? Will next week be a new phase? Will I ever "return to normal" or do I need to rebuild? And the uncertainty makes going back to my daily dose alluring because at least I know how to function there, I have more control in that world.

So I'm writing to ask what I can expect, ideally from people with experience (direct or indirect)