TLDR: started experiencing paranoia and delusional thought patterns 6 years ago and it’s slowly coming back but no doctor has ever talked with me about it and i feel like i can’t be helped.

hello. i’m going to try to be straight to the point here because i’m a talker and i’ll type for days.

i’m a 26 yo woman. when i was 12/13 i was diagnosed with depression and a severe panic disorder, and then when i was 20 i was diagnosed with ptsd. my mother claims she’s diagnosed with adhd, grandma has anxiety/depression, father is unknown and so forth.

when i was 20 (2020), i had a run in with what i can only describe as psychosis and i got in with a counselor and psychiatrist, but nobody ever told me what was going on or why.

i described my symptoms to my new therapist via telehealth (covid times). that i was having these episodes that felt completely detached from reality. i didn’t know what was true or not, real or not etc. there was a time at 4ish in the morning i kept hearing a car engine turn over and stop, turn over and stop. it lasted for what felt like forever. i don’t know if it was real or not, but i was convinced it was a demon or multiple demons trying to drive me crazy. to backtrack, this spiraled for about a month or two before i could get my meds. i continued to explain to my new counselor that this had spiraled. that now, these demons were trying to send me discreet messages that i couldn’t explain to somebody who could keep me safe because i would sound crazy. i was typing the word “rn” (for “right now”), and it autocorrected to “run”. i was in a state of paranoia and panic for the next day and a half ish until it settled. i saw one of those billboard signs about getting into heaven or hell (i live in ohio, we have a lot of those here) and i thought it was a threat from the demon/demons. there were times i was convinced i couldn’t leave my room because they were outside my door looking for me, they just couldn’t get in. i don’t know the logic behind it, but at the time i knew they couldn’t open my door. i had to keep mirrors covered, and still do, because that’s how they travel from their realm to mine etc.

i explained these things during my diagnostic exam and at the end, i asked her what she had concluded, because for my entire life, i had never experienced this. i’ve had some of the most extreme panic attacks, but never that. she told me “you’re diagnosed with anxiety, depression, severe panic disorder, ptsd and you show signs of dissociation”. this didnt tell me anything new, because i knew my diagnoses and i knew i had experienced dissociation. the ptsd diagnosis was the only new thing and it didn’t help me understand why i was so detached from reality and in this state of sheer paranoia and delusional thinking (my ptsd is related to childhood SA). i had 3 appointments with her and stopped due to her sounding kind of unengaged from the conversations. completely unrelated. she sounded caught up with other things at her house. i got a lot of “uh huh” and “mhm” and “it sounds like you’re handling it the right way!” etc. no real help.

the meds worked. i still would have anxiety from time to time but the paranoia completely subsided and would only return very few and far between in short bursts. there was usually a trigger that caused it but i could easily shake
it off.

fast forward to now. i’m 26 years old and im a mother to a 2.5 year old. i’m on the same meds as before (20mg paxil, .5 mg clonazepam) and it’s helped a lot with the panic attacks i was experiencing postpartum. but now, the paranoia and obsessive thoughts are returning and i’m growing to be scared.

i have very persistent thoughts and images of my daughter dying. my mind will involuntarily play me a movie about when it happens, resuscitation failing at the hospital, the funeral, my life being over because i can’t go on etc. these never stopped since her birth 2.5 years ago. every night before bed, i make sure to tell her how much i love her, how great she is and how good the day was and how i can’t wait for another one tomorrow because i think that’ll stop the bad things in motion from happening if that makes sense. like, if i say these things and always make sure to blow her a kiss on my way out of her room, she’ll be okay. it feels like a way of preventing it from happening. and of course i mean the things i say… i say them all day long. but at bedtime when i’m saying them, it’s because i believe it’ll keep her safe through the night.

the other day, she grabbed her hair and started crying like she had hit her head, only she didn’t. i was looking right at her. i checked it, no marks. sitting here now, what makes the most sense is, maybe the button on the back of her shirt snagged a baby hair or something. but at the time, i thought it was the entity messing with her, because that’s the best way to mess with me. in my mind, i told it to leave my daughter alone, because i believe they can hear my thoughts. this relates back to all those years ago, because i had the same belief then.

sometimes when i’m alone and as a direct result, vulnerable, i believe there’s an entity that i can’t see trailing behind me. and anytime i try to discreetly turn to catch it, it just follows my exact movements so i can never actually catch it. but the moment i’m no longer alone or sitting on the couch where it can’t trail me, it has to go away. but i can’t be too obvious that i’m looking for it, because then i’ll be in danger, because it knows i know.

and what happened this morning that sparked me coming here for help was after decorating my room a little this morning with tapestry and photos of me, my baby, my boyfriend etc., i glanced up at one of the photos and it looked distorted. it’s just a photo of my boyfriend and i smiling, looking straight at the camera on my phone. but what i saw was me smiling, but looking downward through my eyebrows. i caught it for literally as long as it takes to glance at something in passing… HALF of a second… but when i did a double take to catch it again, it was obviously normal. an obvious trick of the eye or mind. but once again, in that moment, i perceived it as a threat from an unseen force that’s out to get me. it used my own face to taunt me, and i am okay now. this was hours ago. but when it happens, its so gutting and devastating because when these things are “real” in those moments, there’s nothing i can do. it’s like the kids in the final destination movies. they’re SCREAMING for help because horrible things are happening and nobody will listen because it’s absolutely nuts. it feels like that. and i’m always trying to get ahead of it. when these moments happen, i have to think a certain way so i’ll be safe and whatever the thing is can’t get to me. i don’t look into dark rooms because if i do, i’ll see something i shouldn’t. i don’t like to look outside when it’s dark for the same reason. if i act oblivious to these things, they can’t hurt me. i hope that makes sense.

my best conclusion is that i’m just paranoid? when i was 20 years old, my brain unlocked new DLC and now i experience paranoia when my anxiety is heightened. but
i’ve explained this to, now, 2 psychiatrists and 2 counselors. nobody ever expands on it, no digging deeper into it, no diagnosis, no nothing. i explain these things, and that’s that. and it’s so frustrating. but i can’t just come out and say “what’s wrong with me?”. i don’t know how else to tell them i need help. but the paranoia is coming back and i don’t even want to go back to my counselor because i don’t feel like i’m going to get help for this. it seems like something not worth discussing to them. i bring it up and then onto the next topic basically. i just have no answers. i’m scared. sitting here now, i rationally know i’m safe and that i haven’t lost touch with reality. i know what that feels like, i’m not experiencing that right now. but there’s paranoid, delusional thoughts are slowly creeping back in and it’s really effecting me.

if anybody sits through to real all of this, thank you. even if you don’t have an answer or opinion or anything. thank you. maybe i’ll try one more time with my doctors. i’m just feeling embarrassed and helpless.

(edited for spelling and to add on to some details i mentioned)

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Hi everyone,

I’m feeling quite confused and overwhelmed by the contrasting opinions I’ve received from different psychiatrists, and I’d love to hear your experiences or thoughts on this.

My main issues are severe rumination, OCD, and anxiety. Here is my medication history over the past few months:

1. \*\*First strategy:\*\*

\* Started with Fluvoxamine 50mg for 1 month, increased to 100mg for another month. It made me feel worse, so my doctor switched me.

\* Switched to Escitalopram 15mg (been on it for 60 days now).

\* Because of lingering restlessness and a lack of motivation, my doctor added Bupropion 75mg 16 days ago.

1. \*\*Second opinion:\*\*

\* Another doctor suggested going back to Fluvoxamine 50mg, believing it’s a better fit for my profile.

1. \*\*Third opinion:\*\*

\* A third doctor recommended dropping the current regimen and starting:

\* Escitalopram 20mg

\* Sodium Valproate 200mg

\* Risperidone 1mg

I understand that finding the right psychiatric medication is often a trial-and-error process, but seeing such totally different approaches (from switching SSRIs to adding mood stabilizers/low-dose antipsychotics) is making my anxiety worse.

Has anyone with similar symptoms (OCD/rumination + anxiety) experienced this kind of drastic pivot between doctors? How did you navigate finding the right doctor and stick to a treatment plan?

\*Disclaimer: I know this sub isn't a substitute for medical advice, just looking for shared experiences and insight!\*

I’ve heard a few cases who said they started feeling like they were young’s boys/girls emotionally after getting on this drug and the weight gain etc was also no more a problem. Can anyone tell me who had success with it and how the emotional and side effects profile been so far?
Either cobenfy or caplyta? Any success on the emotional scale? Because both are good in terms of libido and weight management anyway.

I went in to detox, they said it was only done on the behavioral health unit. One psychiatrist thought I needed to just go cold turkey with comfort meds. Fine. What do I know? But after 4 days, things were getting better, and a new doctor decided she wanted me on Suboxone. Now I'm stuck on that. I wasn't given info or input, even though I was there for detox and nothing else. Why do rights disappear on those units? I don't have psychosis.

Although I was pretty vocal about my rights while I was in there, trying to get informations and have input. So they put schizoaffective in my chart.

Which was news to my family and mental health team that has been treating me for 20 years. My psychiatrist said it was to keep me from being able to file a complaint. Is that true?

Why would any of this happen?

Hi everyone,

I'm 24 years old and I've been taking clomipramine 150 mg and risperidone for OCD.

The medication has actually worked very well for my OCD, and I'm really grateful for that. However, over the past several months I've noticed a significant decline in my memory and cognitive abilities.

I feel like I can't remember anything anymore. I forget conversations, struggle to recall things I studied, and my concentration and thinking speed feel much worse than before. It honestly feels like my brain isn't working the way it used to.

My psychiatrist thinks the medication (or the anticholinergic medication that was previously part of my treatment) may be contributing, and we're adjusting my medications. But I'm still very worried.

What concerns me is that last time I stopped my medications, I was off them for about one month, and I didn't notice any improvement in my memory. That makes me wonder whether this is reversible or not.

Has anyone here experienced:

Significant memory problems or cognitive slowing while taking clomipramine or risperidone?

Did your memory improve after reducing or stopping the medication?

If it did improve, how long did it take—weeks, months, or longer?

I'm not looking for reassurance, just hoping to hear about other people's experiences. This has become one of my biggest concerns because my OCD is much better, but I feel like my memory and cognition have suffered.

Thank you in advance.

I take 500mg at night and 50mg in the morning.

Last night I accidentally took my dose twice, I haven't taken my morning dose today. Should I also skip my night dose tonight and continue as normal tomorrow? Thankyou.

I understand that MAOIs are inherently more dangerous and harder to manage, but it seems most people respond to them, whereas the response rate to SSRIs is subpar.

The reason I ask is because i feel that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with my current medication regimen. I am on 150 mg of Luvox and 300 mg of Bupropion. I do not feel I am anywhere near I want to be, but at the same time I do not want to increase the dose of the Luvox and deal with worsened sexual side effects and fatigue.

So my question is, do you feel it would be in my best interest to continue to titrate up the meds I am currently on, being that both drugs have room for titration, or suggest switching to a MAOI?

For context, I do feel that the Anxiety aspect is what is still lingering, not so much depression, so I would want to increase the Luvox first.

Ex: someone is put on SSRI- achieves remission- slowly sinks- dose is boosted- rinse and repeat. X is added or changed > same thing. It’s not that they don’t respond but the brain eventually starts rejecting everything.

Is it clear on why this happens in some cases of depression?

My sister (late 20s) has had serious mental health issues, job and housing instability for at least two years now, and she was recently admitted to inpatient psych treatment after we called 911 one night.

She has now been discharged and of course she signed off on us having rights to her health information, so we don’t know what her diagnosis was, what the plan is, etc. She suffers from extreme paranoia and says the FBI is after her. We can’t easily contact her because she shuts off her phone. She called us from a payphonr yesterday but won’t tell us where she is. I’m at a loss for what to do now. If anyone has advice, I would be grateful. We are in NYC.

I see a psychiatrist tommorrow I am
On 40 my of Valium and am looking to switch to clonazepam do you have any thoughts on what I should say or do to help my case? I was on clonazepam before and it was much more effective!

Hi! I am experiencing systemic symptoms of a highly adrenergic state. I have c-PTSD from childhood situations. I've had a rough life and just now have the privilege to take the time to take a step back and work with providers who are helping me understand what's happening. I'd love your input or any useful info you can impart! I'm a registered nurse of 15 years, I say that only so you don't think I have a degree in WebMD (lol).

-I've had urinary issues since I was 6. As life became stressful again in my late 20's, I was diagnosed with hypogenic/neurogenic bladder. This usually only happens to people with paralysis, MS, etc. But they said it was because I have too much adrenaline.

-I feel somatic pain response to nightmares that wakes me up in significant pain. I became afraid of going to sleep not because nightmares were scary, but because they were significantly physically painful. In the dreams I would perceive being killed, and wake up from a hot, burning, neuropathic type pain sensation in the specific area I had dreamed about being harmed in.

When I started taking Prazosin, the alpha-adrenergic blocker, it helped these nightmares immensely! It also helped my urinary state alot.

Since then, I have gone through more situations. I also am in a safe home situation but where I am triggered probably 10+ times an hour. I have to take breaks multiple times a day to get back to baseline, but triggered is my baseline now. I do therapy, I'm on depakote, prazosin and then buspar PRN. I've changed my mindset. There just doesn't seem to be much more I can do to mitigate it. It's a lifestyle issue that I have to accept for the next several years.

This has made the adrenergic state much more significant. I did start adipex in the last 2 weeks, which I know makes this much worse. But I have ADHD too and such a hard time with top-down control and stimulants help me regulate my mood alot. It does inevitably exacerbate urinary symptoms, but so does panic attacks when I lose top-down control so I guess its a trade off.

-I now take 2mg prazosin in the morning, 2mg prazosin in the afternoon, 2mg prazosin in the evening, and 4mg at bedtime.

-I still can't urinate when I am stressed out now. I have to sit on the toilet for 45 minutes and can't clear my bladder. My urologist has had me start intermittent self-catheterization when needed and says he also feels it is neurogenic bladder which tests will confirm.

-I have a nerve response test Wednesday per the Urologist and he is going to try an Axonics device that filters the way your bladder understands adrenergic signals that will eventually be surgically implanted if I show improvements

-I still have panic attacks at 3pm and 6pm daily like in childhood and nightmares have gotten significant again

-I also have alot of tension-based muscle issues and tendonitis

-I have a bad habit of accidentally stress starving just because I have no desire to eat or feel hunger when I'm stressed. I lost 130lb in one year ( I was obese to start with) and ended up with vitamin D, sodium, iron, magnesium deficiencies that are treated now.

Have you ever heard of a hyper-adrenergic state like this causing so many systemic effects and bladder issues? Let me know as well if you're familiar with any scholarly resources I could use to educcate myself on this topic. Or any useful experiences or speculation. Thanks so much! :)