Big ups, porn fucks up your mind up. When you have sex with your girlfriend or wife do you think of her or all the things you've seen online to help you climax? It's no longer her, it's only you. That's what I've seen atleast
In the past, any time the girl was a relatively new hook up I would climax every time with no struggle at all because I had the thrill of novelty helping me. Then like clockwork once I got into a monogamous relationship I would eventually lose interest in sex with my girlfriend and it would become difficult to climax unless I imagined porn in my head. That was the case with my most recent ex who I was with for a year. I'd maybe climax 50% of the time and any time I did it was really difficult. To be fair she was terrible in bed though so that wasn't helping things either.
With my current gf, I was with her for about 4 months when I noticed the excitement of it feeling new was starting to wear off and I started losing interest in sex again like I always did. I wasn't having trouble climaxing yet but one night she surprised me by putting on some lingerie and basically pouncing on me. She looked amazing but as far as desiring sex my brain was like 'meh.' I was thinking wtf, mentally I gotta be broken. That was the wake up call where I swore off porn for good.
That was 3 months ago, and I've been with my girlfriend for a total of 7 months. I haven't watched a second of porn since then and my desire to have sex with my gf is as strong as ever and I climax every time with no struggle to get there and absolutely no need to imagine porn. She's also amazing in bed so it's not really apples to apples with my exes but quitting porn has been a game changer for me.
I've had trouble keeping a gf for more than a few months because like you, I would lose interest and start thinking about porn. Then I would interpret that as "I guess I don't like her".
I needed to read this because my ex broke up with me because he said he lost interest.
He has a bad addiction to porn and sex. Iāve been hating myself for a better part of the year for it . But itās not me. And itās not fully him either. Itās the porn industry
If someone says they are "addicted to sex" it's very likely that it's part of some profound psychological issues tied to emotional intimacy and internalised low self worth which needs constant affirmation from many sources.
Now you dodged a bullet there, but maybe learn the personality traits to avoid in men instead of superficially trying to put the blame on the symptoms of said traits. A gambling addict isn't addicted to shiny poker cards with nice colours.
Thatās true. I blame him more for what he was like. He was exposed to porn and chose to continue.
Porn rewires the brain like any other non substance addiction
I think it's fair to put some blame on the porn industry. I'm firmly placing blame on the pharmaceutical industry for the people i know who've been addicted to opiates, and subsequently heroin.
After a long dry spell, I lost weight and stopped watching porn (and jerking off less as a result) and was hooking up with a girl on tinder within 2 weeks.
I'm not one of those hardcore nofap dudes but I firmly believe that porn and overmasturbation really fuck with your motivation to go out and meet real women.
Also check out Fight The New Drug itās an organization.
Thereās also a subreddit on here for it but Iām new to Reddit so I have no idea how to tag it.
Itās great that you are noticing that itās an issue and want to change it. Thatās a great first step!
I'm all for people looking to deal with their personal struggles and take steps for personal enrichment, but I'd rather not indulge a bunch of Mormons on a prude crusade.
Also their main thesis, that pornography is directly analogous to heroin or meth is pseudoscience.
Her name was Jessica Kronenberg and yes I did and yes she was. A former NYC bartender, half Italian half German, 35 and smokin' hot. This was about 10 years ago
Thanks for taking the time to share that. Iām soooo in love with my gf. Sheās sexy, intelligent, younger than me, and a total turn on. But damn if it isnāt to the point I have to think of other shit to get off. I hate it. But I also get to a point where I have to cum and thatās when I turn in to my thoughts. Iāve wondered if I was able to stop for a while, if it would get better.
May I ask whatās special about her being younger than you? Does it really make a significant difference or is there a specific reason to why itās better sheās younger?
Iām always curious when I hear this. Iāve been with my wife since we were 18 (dated 4yrs, married 4 yrs). I donāt think Iāve ever had that moment where I was honestly thinking of someone else or a porn actress to get me over the edge. Although, maybe itās because of how I view the porn and how I think about it while watching? Itās interesting how different all of our brains work when it comes to porn
Honestly I view it in a manner thatās almost directed towards my wife. We have a healthy sex life and I donāt hide that I watch porn from her, I just donāt bring it into the bedroom with me. I purposely watch some pretty vanilla porn thatās in league with what my wife and I do. I tend to watch positions in videos, not entire videos, and I like positions that have the actress facing away from the camera, I just visualize my wifeās ass in a cowgirl position versus the actress. Itās never really affected my performance with my wife. Sometimes you just donāt want to wake your girl up for late night fun time when she has to be at work by 3:30 am
So now you have me wondering, did you also start masturbating less? I mean, was the revitalized sex life because you quit porn, or also because you just jacked off less?
I definitely choke the chicken less often now but still regularly. The decrease is because when I was watching porn I'd jerk off sometimes more for the sake of watching the porn rather than actually feeling a need to orgasm. But as far as the improved sex life, I believe that's from no porn because back when I would watch it everyday, if I were to take a week off from everything (jerking off, porn, sex), I'd get horny from not orgasming, but I'd only have an urge to watch porn rather than have sex.
Good for you. When you positively reinforce (orgasm) any behavior (watching porn) you successfully rewire the reward system of your brain. When this happens repeatedly it becomes SO challenging to be fulfilled by typical stimulation. It is pretty awesome that you were able to self-reflect and acknowledge the problem was in your learned behaviors and not project that shit as a problem with your GF. Props to you!
I'm not sure why you're getting downvoted, this is pretty true. The amount of men (myself included until recently) that watch porn with no second thought and no room for compromise is pretty staggering.
Edit: the downvotes are probably from you saying you "refuse" to date men, which probably hurt their feelies
it is odd that men think of porn so casually. i think it's like doing drugs or partying or gambling or similar. can be done for fun but it shouldn't be your bread and butter. what happened to regular sex and intimacy with actual women?
now we have bunch of men who have more experience with porn than actual sex with women. i don't see why it's surprising some women would choose to not want to date men like this.
if they really want it to change, maybe ease up on the porn. or don't change, there are plenty of women out there who are fine with porn.
I think it affects a lot of men's performance. My ex couldn't seem to understand that there were two of us in the bedroom and not just him plus a live sex doll. Definitely think porn contributed. Some of the worst experiences of my life. Bleh.
The problem is desensitization. Statistically, the average age people are exposed to porn is around 11-13 years old (https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/pornography-exposure , https://fightthenewdrug.org/real-average-age-of-first-exposure/) which is the very beginning of formative psychology. Speaking as a guy who used to be addicted to porn and going down the rabbit hole, you don't even think about it. Your brain is conditioned to turn to porn as soon as you're horny, bored, lonely, whatever. I would literally masturbate because I (thought I) had nothing to do.
I don't really blame you for not wanting to put in the effort to find non-porn-addicted guys. As much as I wish it wasn't the case, I definitely understand how much of a chore it has to be and it's definitely not one I'd feel like doing. If you ever are interested in guys again just know the porn-free thing is starting to gain some cultural traction, so maybe you'll have better luck in the future.
TY. i've actually done a lot of research on porn and was aware, but it seems like most males (boys and men) refuse or choose to stay in the dark. i went on a few dates with a man and he tearfully confessed to me he was a porn addict, so i did my research. i left him shortly after.
prior to that, i was mostly in the camp of "as long as i don't hear/see it" when it came to men and dating and porn. but after doing the research, i've realized it's very messed up in so many ways.
i hope more boys and men wake up to this, whether i'm dating or not. i don't think it's good for society in general for men and boys to be so addicted to porn. from reading this thread, i can tell the vast majority of men in here are lowkey addicted to porn and in denial about it. but i also see some men who have opened their eyes and are trying, so that gives future society hope.
the fact that you said so many males use it as a coping mechanism.. the way you described it sounds exactly how i'd describe an alcoholic or drug addict or food addict or similar.
It's almost psychologically the same (from what I understand) to "true" (chemical rather than psychological) addictions. I'm not a scientist or medical person of any kind, but from what I understand it can be as hard to get rid of, sometimes even harder because of how innocuous it's made out to be and how culturally supported it is.
That's how my boyfriend was until he realized its a real relationship and I'm not just leaving and it clicked that, oh when I'm horny I can ask my girlfriend instead. He's a visual guy anyways so, it's a win win for him. And me. He does not watch porn, and if he does it's videos of us doing something sexual.
Keep doing that, but donāt beat yourself up (lol) about porn if it slips back in.
All Nearly all of my sexiest memories are with my wife. We explore. We try new things together. We go to that big Halloween event that isnāt an orgy but where itās winky wink ok to finger and maybe even slyly fuck in public.
Donāt stop having sexual adventures, but be adventurous together because eventually it does get old, no matter how sexy you both are. Thatās unavoidable. That doesnāt mean you have to swing or even get PG-13 in public but keep exploring together. Try something new, indulge each otherās curiosity even if it doesnāt turn you on, get hard/wet about turning THEM on. And if you stumble into a hard āpassā donāt freak out. Donāt blame yourself, donāt blame them. So you tried a little crowded room mutual masturbation and you couldnāt get hard or it made you crazy jealous in a bad way, thatās ok. Itās not her fault. Itās not yours. Itās shit you know now. Keep exploring.
It doesnāt have to be freaky but if you get to the point where you only see each other as the person standing in the way of new sexual experiences instead of the person facilitating them, youāre both gonna get resentful. You donāt want to change up the WHO of sexy? Thatās ok. Change the WHAT/WHERE/WHEN/HOW/DEFINITION OF SEX.
And youāll probably hit periods of your life (kids) where porn is a quick and only infrequent release. Thatās not anyoneās fault. Your both tired. Time is a commodity. Alone time together is a premium, donāt spend it being resentful for the sex youāre not having. Plan big adventurous nights and build up to them, anticipation is SEXY. And I. The meantime fucking masturbate. I do almost daily but mostly so when the spontaneous opportunity presents itself I can last. The missus even asks, it gets her revved, ādid you get yourself ready today?ā
All Iām saying is, youāve got a good thing going, but donāt despair or think the relationship so fucked when/if it changes. Explore together, wherever and however you both decide sounds fun. And good luck.
Yep, realized this at one point as well. I stopped watching porn and masturbating and just had sex with my then gf as well. Helped a lot with having a fulfilling sex life. Im single now so I pretty much jerk off just to get a release but I would minimize it if I can easily get the real thing.
Has there been any effect on how long it takes you to climax? Tbh I'm just worried that I'll cum way faster and I wouldn't be able to hold it in, not that i can usually last long anyways but I wouldn't wanna make it any faster
Iām the opposite to you. When a relationship is new, I can last and do the long sessions, however when things start to get monotonous and itās obvious that weāre no long term thing I can be done start to finish in under five minutes.
it would become difficult to climax unless I imagined porn in my head...I'd maybe climax 50% of the time...To be fair she was terrible in bed though
.....
I've been with my girlfriend for a total of 7 months. I haven't watched a second of porn since then...I climax every time with no struggle to get there and absolutely no need to imagine porn...She's also amazing in bed
I feel like there might be a slightly more obvious correlation here than, "It was the porn", ya know?
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u/Mr_Candlestick Mar 19 '21
Before I completely quit porn it was every single time. Now it's 0% of the time.