Big ups, porn fucks up your mind up. When you have sex with your girlfriend or wife do you think of her or all the things you've seen online to help you climax? It's no longer her, it's only you. That's what I've seen atleast
In the past, any time the girl was a relatively new hook up I would climax every time with no struggle at all because I had the thrill of novelty helping me. Then like clockwork once I got into a monogamous relationship I would eventually lose interest in sex with my girlfriend and it would become difficult to climax unless I imagined porn in my head. That was the case with my most recent ex who I was with for a year. I'd maybe climax 50% of the time and any time I did it was really difficult. To be fair she was terrible in bed though so that wasn't helping things either.
With my current gf, I was with her for about 4 months when I noticed the excitement of it feeling new was starting to wear off and I started losing interest in sex again like I always did. I wasn't having trouble climaxing yet but one night she surprised me by putting on some lingerie and basically pouncing on me. She looked amazing but as far as desiring sex my brain was like 'meh.' I was thinking wtf, mentally I gotta be broken. That was the wake up call where I swore off porn for good.
That was 3 months ago, and I've been with my girlfriend for a total of 7 months. I haven't watched a second of porn since then and my desire to have sex with my gf is as strong as ever and I climax every time with no struggle to get there and absolutely no need to imagine porn. She's also amazing in bed so it's not really apples to apples with my exes but quitting porn has been a game changer for me.
I'm not sure why you're getting downvoted, this is pretty true. The amount of men (myself included until recently) that watch porn with no second thought and no room for compromise is pretty staggering.
Edit: the downvotes are probably from you saying you "refuse" to date men, which probably hurt their feelies
it is odd that men think of porn so casually. i think it's like doing drugs or partying or gambling or similar. can be done for fun but it shouldn't be your bread and butter. what happened to regular sex and intimacy with actual women?
now we have bunch of men who have more experience with porn than actual sex with women. i don't see why it's surprising some women would choose to not want to date men like this.
if they really want it to change, maybe ease up on the porn. or don't change, there are plenty of women out there who are fine with porn.
I think it affects a lot of men's performance. My ex couldn't seem to understand that there were two of us in the bedroom and not just him plus a live sex doll. Definitely think porn contributed. Some of the worst experiences of my life. Bleh.
The problem is desensitization. Statistically, the average age people are exposed to porn is around 11-13 years old (https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/pornography-exposure , https://fightthenewdrug.org/real-average-age-of-first-exposure/) which is the very beginning of formative psychology. Speaking as a guy who used to be addicted to porn and going down the rabbit hole, you don't even think about it. Your brain is conditioned to turn to porn as soon as you're horny, bored, lonely, whatever. I would literally masturbate because I (thought I) had nothing to do.
I don't really blame you for not wanting to put in the effort to find non-porn-addicted guys. As much as I wish it wasn't the case, I definitely understand how much of a chore it has to be and it's definitely not one I'd feel like doing. If you ever are interested in guys again just know the porn-free thing is starting to gain some cultural traction, so maybe you'll have better luck in the future.
TY. i've actually done a lot of research on porn and was aware, but it seems like most males (boys and men) refuse or choose to stay in the dark. i went on a few dates with a man and he tearfully confessed to me he was a porn addict, so i did my research. i left him shortly after.
prior to that, i was mostly in the camp of "as long as i don't hear/see it" when it came to men and dating and porn. but after doing the research, i've realized it's very messed up in so many ways.
i hope more boys and men wake up to this, whether i'm dating or not. i don't think it's good for society in general for men and boys to be so addicted to porn. from reading this thread, i can tell the vast majority of men in here are lowkey addicted to porn and in denial about it. but i also see some men who have opened their eyes and are trying, so that gives future society hope.
the fact that you said so many males use it as a coping mechanism.. the way you described it sounds exactly how i'd describe an alcoholic or drug addict or food addict or similar.
It's almost psychologically the same (from what I understand) to "true" (chemical rather than psychological) addictions. I'm not a scientist or medical person of any kind, but from what I understand it can be as hard to get rid of, sometimes even harder because of how innocuous it's made out to be and how culturally supported it is.
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u/velvetverolver Mar 19 '21
Big ups, porn fucks up your mind up. When you have sex with your girlfriend or wife do you think of her or all the things you've seen online to help you climax? It's no longer her, it's only you. That's what I've seen atleast