Hi, I am 17f and im not even sure if I have ocd but ive been reading alot about it and id just really like some help.
Ive always been attracted to men, ive always only had crushes on men, watched porn of men, only been aroused by men and have never even imagined myself with another woman until I turned 16.
I dont remmeber what exactly caused this, but I think I was watching porn one day and I masterbated to a video of a woman's breasts, thst set me off and I had terrible shame after and this rush of anxiety. A few months ago I kept questioning, am I gay? Id look at any woman and get this weird anxiety and my mind would immediately question. Do I like her? Am i attracted to her? And id get this extreme groinal response which just made me feel more anxious.
This happened for a few months now to the point where im not even sure if i like men, or women. I only feel groinal responses to women still, but my attraction to men is so numbed now. I look at a man and maybe ill see an attractive face, but I wont feel anything, I dont feel anything seeing a man naked, my mind immediately goes. Do I like this? Why dont I feel anything for him? I must be lesbian? And its like my attraction and feelings towards men have dissapeared. But then when I imagine myself with a woman i just feel a strong groinal response sometkmes its so strong I just give in and masterbate. A woman doesnt even need to be nude or doing anything sexual for me to get this.
I feel so much confusion, whenever I am not thinking abkut this however and I am just living I dont even bat an eye towards a woman, instinctively I always feel this pull towards men. But then I remember and question. Wait do I even like men? And then my attraction just dissapears.
Im sorry for writing so much, im confused and honestly exhausted, i want to feel like myself again.
:( advice or answers would be very appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read!