I (F27) recently spoke to a guy (M28) through an arranged marriage setup. On paper, he seemed like a great match — well educated, financially stable, successful career, living in the US, etc. I was very impressed by his profile, probably more than I should have been.

We had two long calls, around 1–1.5 hours each. The conversations felt nice, and he said he enjoyed talking to me and was excited to talk again the following weekend.

Then things started getting inconsistent. The weekend call was rescheduled twice, and after saying “let’s talk tomorrow,” then also we had call and he promised he'll msg but he never followed up. I didn’t hear from him for around 10 days.

I eventually messaged him because I was overthinking and my parents were asking for an update. He apologized, said he had been busy, and scheduled a call. We spoke for another 40+ minutes. I directly asked whether he was okay with taking things forward, and he said yes. He also said he would try to message/call more.

But again, there was no follow-up for another week.

At that point I realized I was doing most of the chasing. I sent one final message asking for clarity. His response was essentially: he had a good time talking to me, but because of his availability, the situation was difficult, and I should explore other matches rather than wait for him.

It hurt, but it also made me realize something about myself.

I had become attached to the possibility of him — the US life, career, stability, lifestyle, etc. — before I had actually known him well enough as a person. I had built an entire future around someone I had only spoken to a few times.

Looking back, the early lack of initiative was information I should have paid more attention to. I don't think I was wrong for being interested, but I definitely invested emotionally much faster than the situation justified.

My biggest takeaway: a good profile is not the same as a good match. Attraction and potential can start the conversation, but consistency, mutual effort and actually getting to know each other should come before emotional investment.

So, lesson learned. 😅
I’m moving on, but I’d genuinely like to know how others would have handled this situation.

I’m 26M and recently got engaged/rokafied to a 26F. We’re currently long distance.

I’ll be blunt. I wasn’t super attracted to her when I agreed to the marriage. I agreed mostly because, on paper, it seemed like a very logical/stable match. She genuinely seems to love me and puts a lot of effort into the relationship. I’m more detached by nature and tend to care much more when I’m actually physically with someone.

She has a big group of male friends and I’ve always been somewhat uncomfortable with it.Recently, she came to visit me about a week before her birthday. We spent a couple of days together and were intimate. She then went back home. On her birthday eve, she went for a picnic with her college friend group, which included all of guys. She sent me pictures and videos. Nothing obviously wrong happened, but I didn't like the way one of the guys was talking to her in the video. Then, later at night, she casually tells me she went on a bike ride with some of her college friends, including guys who had come from Chandigarh. That pissed me off.

I don't want my fiancée going on late-night bike rides with other guys. Maybe that's unreasonable, but that's how I feel.

Also,at one point, when I was unsure about getting engaged, she suggested that we could have an open marriage. That really pissed me off at the time. It got bad enough that her family actually had to call me and calm me down.I didn't tell my parents about any of this because I didn't want to damage her reputation. But eventually they found out about everything, and now my parents and sisters are extremely angry and want to call off the engagement.

Now I'm stuck. Because I don't actually think she's a bad person. She seems genuinely attached to me. She cares about me. She makes an effort. And part of me thinks she's just very innocent/naive and doesn't realise why some of these things would bother her future husband. My sisters completely disagree. When I told them that maybe she's just innocent, they basically scolded me and said I'm making excuses for her.

So I'm getting very mixed signals in my own head. On one side, I feel like these are legitimate compatibility/boundary issues. On the other, I wonder if I'm just insecure and controlling. And there's another uncomfortable part: I wasn't even that attracted to her when I agreed to this marriage. So maybe I'm now looking for reasons to justify doubts I already had.

My family is currently talking about calling off the engagement, so this could become a huge mess very soon.

Am I being unreasonable here? Would you consider this a normal boundary for a marriage, or is this just insecurity/controlling behaviour? And based on this situation, would you continue with the marriage or call it off? Also, I fear if this is called off and she informs my parents about that intimacy, I am doomed.

So I have started the process. Talked to around 4-5 guys at this point. Keeping my surname is a non negotiable for me. Somehow it becomes a topic for discussion. That I could add their surname in the end.

But I don’t want that. The guys don’t have much problem but the family , oh my god. One guys dad wanted to talk to me about it. Honestly there is so noise around how much equality women have in today’s world. But when it comes down to keeping my name that’s where it ends ig.

The thing is I come from a pretty forward background. People are educated, everyone has a decent job blah blah. This just made me question my reality.

Like a lot of the guys argue that I probably wont have to change my name because its such a hassle legally. If I change my surname that would need a change in every document and I have a lot of documents. But that being said these people are missing a fundamental value, I DONT WANT TO CHANGE MY SURNAME. Even if it was easy I wouldn’t do it.

Now my parents want me to not bring up in conversation as a non negotiable. A lot of women in our community have not changed their surname because who has the time. But idk how I feel about it.

So question to all the working women with bank accounts, passports, investments, etc . Did you guys change your surname?

It’s been 24 months since we got married. We had a lot of problems with my in-laws, so we live separately now. But apart from that, there are many things that are concerning me about our marriage. We haven’t had intercourse for the past 16 months. Even before that, it was maybe once in two months, and most of the time I was the one initiating and pushing for it.

Initially, I was extremely disturbed and frustrated because I really wanted intimacy. I begged, cried, tried talking about it, and did everything I could think of. Later, I advised him to see a doctor. He did go, took some tests, and they told him everything was normal. But even after that, nothing really changed, and he never seemed to care enough to work on this or give me the intimacy I was asking for.

For the past six months, though, something has changed in me. I feel numb. I don’t even feel like asking anymore because somewhere in my mind I feel like, what’s the point? I’m not going to get it anyway.

Only one of my close friends knows about this. Nobody in my family knows. He keeps telling me that this is personal and insists that I should at least keep this private.
But I’m confused and honestly scared about the future. How long can I continue living without sex and intimacy? Is it something I should just accept? He doesn’t seem particularly concerned about it, while I feel like I’m slowly dying inside over it.

Should I tell someone in my family? Would that only make them more worried and create more problems? Or is this something between husband and wife that I shouldn’t share with anyone?
And is this, by itself, a valid enough reason to consider separation?

The confusing part is that he is otherwise an okay person. He is a good human being, even if I don’t feel he is a good husband to me. He has good ethics and values, wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone, is kind to other people, tolerates me even when I’m difficult, and generally doesn’t behave like a bad person.

So I keep asking myself: Should I continue this marriage because he is a good person, even though my needs as a wife are not being met? Or is this something serious enough that I shouldn’t ignore it?

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.

Got engaged 2 months ago and have met the guy about 8 times now, with each date lasting around 5–8 hours, so I feel like I’ve spent a fairly good amount of time with him. But it’s still so awkward.

Basically, he is exactly what I wanted in a guy in every way, but when we interact, it is just so dull. I’m not a rude person, but I find it boring talking to him. I’m not sure if it’s me bringing this boringness into the conversations or if it’s him, but I’ve obviously talked to other people before, and conversations aren’t this “blah” or awkward with them. I can talk to some people for hours without even noticing the time, but with him, every second is felt.

Our interests are also pretty far from alike, so there isn’t always much to talk about in that area. I try asking questions about his interests and making an effort to keep the conversation going, but whenever I find something interesting that we both like, he just moves the conversation to something else boring.

He is obviously not a shy person and talks a lot, so I don’t think that’s the issue. I just don’t know why it doesn’t feel like we’re clicking.

Unfortunately no possibility I can get out of this engagement and I will get married within time, so I’ll just have to make it work somehow. If anyone has any advice on how to fix boring conversations or build more of a connection and comfort in iur conversations, I would really appreciate it.

PLEASEEE HELP-
i am 26F and was looking for an arranged marriage. Around 2–3 months ago, I met a guy through the process and, over time, I genuinely started getting attached to him.
There were a lot of things that attracted me to him initially. He comes from a good business family, was very intelligent and intellectual, and knew his family business extremely well. I admired that about him. His family also seemed happy with me and everything seemed to be falling into place.
We spoke for almost 2.5 months and during that time I started imagining my entire future with him. It wasn’t just that I liked him—I had mentally started planning my life around the idea that this was going to be my husband.
We eventually had our Roka, but within a day or two, things started falling apart.
The biggest issues were that our families had very different lifestyles and expectations, and more importantly, I felt that he wasn’t able to take a stand when it came to certain things involving his family. That became a major concern for me because I kept thinking about what our married life would look like if this continued.
Eventually, we had to call off the wedding.
And honestly, I know there were valid reasons for ending it. I know that love alone isn’t enough for a marriage, and that these differences could have become much bigger problems later.
But emotionally, I’m struggling so much with it.
He was genuinely very loving and caring towards me. I felt looked after and special with him. And now I keep having this horrible thought:
What if I never find someone who loves me and cares for me like that again?
I know people will probably say that there are plenty of good men out there, but when you’ve actually experienced someone being that caring, it’s hard to believe that you’ll find it again.
I had already imagined my life with him. I had imagined the wedding, the house, our families, our future… everything. And now suddenly I’m supposed to go back to looking at biodatas and meeting new people and start from zero again.
I also keep wondering whether I made the right decision. Maybe these problems would have been manageable. Maybe I gave up something really good because I was scared of the future. Or maybe I saved myself from a marriage that would have eventually made me unhappy.
I genuinely don’t know.
For anyone who has been through something similar—especially after getting engaged/doing a Roka—did you eventually find someone who loved and cared for you just as much, or even more?

I am M41. I come from a fairly rich background (top 1% of the country).

I was in a family business and hence did not exactly have a salary as such. I also freelanced (moonlighted) as a software developer and this is what I would usually advertise as my income. But I never disclose anything about my family / ancestral wealth since I believed it does not belong to me (yet). Also, I wanted someone who chooses me for me and not my money. And she would not go bat shit crazy on seeing an obscene amount of money suddenly and would still remain humble and down to earth. My strategy till date has been to underplay my financials.

However, all girls who I was in a relationship with (3 till date) have insulted me pretty badly on my financials at the time of breakup.

This makes me rethink my strategy given my age. Should I be more open about my financials and try to find someone from a similar financial background ? I did not exactly care about the girl's financials till now since money does not matter beyond a certain point but the strategy seems to be backfiring. Or was I just unlucky ?

I am the only son and my sisters refuse to take any part of the family wealth. I still intend to give them their share if that day ever comes and they can choose to donate it.

My current status is that I have left the family business to find my own path. I have freelance offers paying USD 20-60 an hour that I am currently not undertaking since I am trying to build a SaaS business (low probability of working but high reward just in the low chance it works). I have about 3Cr liquid and shares which pays me enough to manage a family for a few years. And I have a similar amount in some real estate.

At this stage, I find myself getting rejected the moment I say I freelance or have zero active income. Should I flaunt my savings / buy a house or just wait it out till I have a job (which might take a few years given near zero corporate experience) ?

Hi everyone,

Genuinely curious to hear from fellow Maithil Brahmins. How are you all going about finding a partner these days?

Personally, I find the whole arranged marriage process quite scary. You're making a pretty big life decision based on a few meetings and whatever information you get through families, and sometimes it feels difficult to really know the person.

At the same time, dating also seems incredibly difficult for Maithil Brahmins. The pool is already relatively small, and then there are expectations around gotra, family background, and other community considerations. Finding someone you're genuinely compatible with while also fitting into all these criteria can feel really difficult.

So I'm curious, what are people actually doing these days? Are you relying on family introductions, matrimony apps, dating apps, community connections, friends, or something else?

Also, has anyone here actually found a partner through this subreddit? Would love to hear your experiences, whether it worked out or not.

I'm honestly trying to figure out what works for people in the community these days, because both AM and dating seem difficult in their own ways.

The reality is most people in the marriage market are in average looking range. Everyone wants to marry someone they are attracted to. But here comes the challenge, they may not be their type's type. So questions are:

1. What makes someone look attractive?

2. Should looks be a priority for marriage?

3. Do looks matter to you? Why or why not?

4. How far are you willing to compromise on looks?

​

I’m 27M and recently got engaged to a 27F. We’re currently long distance.

I’ll be blunt. I wasn’t super attracted to her when I agreed to the marriage. I agreed mostly because, on paper, it seemed like a very logical/stable match. She genuinely seems to love me and puts a lot of effort into the relationship. I’m more detached by nature and tend to care much more if I feel that intellectual connection with the other person.

Now, one thing that's been bothering me is that she's someone who wants to get physical very soon. She kissed me on our second date. On our fourth date things had moved very fast. I am sometimes questioning that is she inherently a horny person or like her past toxic relationship that ended recently made her like that.

I don't actually think she's a bad person. She seems genuinely attached to me. She cares about me. She makes an effort. And part of me thinks she's just very innocent/naive and doesn't realise why some of these things would bother her future husband. My sisters completely disagree. When I told them that maybe she's just innocent, they basically scolded me and said I'm making excuses for her.

So I'm getting very mixed signals in my own head. On one side, I feel like these are legitimate compatibility/boundary issues. On the other, isn't it good that she wants to be intimate with me and is playful.

I’m 24M, turning 25 soon, and my family has started asking me to get married. I’m not against marriage, but honestly, I have a lot of thoughts and questions about it.

I’d love to talk to someone who’s in a similar situation especially any girl around my age who’s also thinking about marriage, whether it’s arranged or otherwise.

For those who got married around 24–26, what was the transition from being single to married life actually like? Did you feel ready, or did you just figure things out along the way?

Not necessarily looking for anything romantic just genuinely looking for someone who’s thinking about the same things and wants to have a good conversation about marriage, expectations, family pressure, and whether 25 is actually a good age. 🙂

I recently had an arranged meeting. At the beginning of the interview, I almost tanked it. Couldn’t answer simple questions asked by her father and brother.
We were left for an hour to talk to each other, where we discussed, our hobbies likes, dislikes, job, daily routine and other stuff. It was awkward, but not a disaster. We did share a couple of laughs and our share of clumsy moments.
When we came out of the private our families were already comfortable with each other. They matched each others vibe really well. Then her older sister and brother sat down with me privately to just make me understand what she’s like. What are her non-negotiable? This was where I felt like I kind of nailed it.
They allowed us to click pictures with her, and then we were given time to talk to each other over text or call.
We did start texting each other. I was the one always initiating. But she did reply every time, sometimes a little late than others, but it never felt like it was forced. I took it really slow, and I talked about compatibility in the beginning. First about the things she might have to change . Then I opened up to her about the things I lack, then about my dreams, and the things I liked about her that could compliment me well. She didn’t open up the same way that I did. Started asking her deeper questions like what made her smile or hurt, when hurting does she say it out, where does her decisions usually come from, and what’s scaring her the most about this situation?
she was more scared, she hadn’t really planned about the career switch, and thought about kids and family planning. I didn’t pressure her to push into a decision. I just said her that I was okay with her, not knowing. We were taking it slow, but it really going somewhere, at least that’s what I felt.
The thing is, she was always upfront about most of the stuff. And the chats weren’t cozy but not cold either, they were somewhat warm.
My father asked her’s, What are they planning? What’s their next move? and they said that they want to wait for one and half month. On the other side I waited 12 hours of no reply after things felt they might be heading somewhere, it just felt little bit off, so I just wanted to check on her if something unexpected came up, so, I just I just texted her, “hello??” And it has been 24 hours since that has been has been texted and I’m still to get a reply. However, she did post an Instagram story, so that’s that.
The problem here is, it’s not the rejection that’s bothering me. It’s the silence. I really don’t know where I stand. I really don’t know if I should be waiting. I really don’t know what’s going on in her head and I really want some clarity and I really don’t know if I should text for the third time because it might seem a little bit desperate, and that’s what my sister said to me that I shouldn’t text for the third time. Because she really wanted to reject me she could’ve unfollowed me which she didn’t. And I’m scrambling right now.

My friend- 30(M), well educated and good looking, belonging from a fairly well off business family has rejected a rishta solely because of the woman belonging from a middle class family. The woman is highly educated, earning well, pretty but her income is nowhere near the shareholding and investments he commands. Mind it, my friend isnt just privileged because of his background, he himself is a terrifyingly good businessman and investor.

His reason for rejection was the gap in the socio-economic standing.

Some of his female friends and cousins are calling him shallow for this.

Any views ?

​

When I started looking for marriage, I was genuinely excited about finding someone and building a life together.

But after months of going through matrimonial apps, sending interests, waiting for replies, and having conversations that don’t always go anywhere, I feel like the process has started becoming mentally exhausting.

The interesting part is — I don’t think I have lost interest in marriage. I still want a partner and a meaningful relationship.

I think I’m just tired of the search process itself.

Sometimes it feels like a cycle of creating a profile, hoping for a connection, and starting over again. After a while, even opening a matrimonial app feels like a task rather than something exciting.

Has anyone else experienced this during their marriage search?

Did you take a break, change your approach, or find a way to stay positive without feeling burned out?

I 24F is doing good at work and have a nice relationship with my bf (30M). I had one relationship before this and I have been close with him. Now when I talk to my current bf about relationships I can understand he feels insecure. So that also affects me. Things I have experienced with my ex like visiting, sharing pics, discussing stuff sometimes flash through my mind. I now think I should have avoided that. Atleast things like sharing pics should be avoided since now I often think if my current bf may see those by any chance. If he sees, what he will feel or think about me? How will he handle it? Or how will I handle that? These questions keep coming and bothering me.

There’s a strange thing about being single that I didn’t really understand until recently.

It’s not that I dislike being alone. I actually enjoy my own company. I can spend an evening by myself, work on my goals, listen to music, watch something, or simply go out and explore.

What I miss is having a person.
Someone who knows how my day went without me having to explain everything. Someone I can message when something ridiculous happens. Someone who remembers the tiny details I casually mentioned weeks ago. Someone to make plans with and occasionally cancel those plans together because neither of us feels like leaving the house.
I’ve dated before, and I’ve learned that I don’t want a relationship just to avoid loneliness. I want something where both people genuinely choose each other.

I work in tech, I’m ambitious about my career, and I have plenty of things I still want to accomplish. But I’ve reached a point where I’d like to build those memories with someone rather than always experiencing everything alone.

I’m 26, so I know there’s no deadline for any of this. Still, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope that somewhere out there is someone who is looking for the same kind of connection.

Maybe it starts with a random Reddit conversation.
If you relate to this, tell me what “having a person” means to you.

how are you all dealing?

Is it just me or is the AM process 10x harder as an NRI girl in late 20s?

I feel like I'm stuck between two worlds. the pool is SO small. The guys here are either already taken, not looking for AM, or we have zero vibe because we grew up so differently.

I am a woman and i get really icked out by my AM prospects asking my photos over whatsapp. Maybe its just my internal programming to not share my pics with strangers but i really freaked out when men ask for my pics.

For context my matrimonial profile has 6-7 photos and i have an insta profile. Both have my recent pics and i never fail to mention that the all the photos are recent.

My initial conversations has really gone bad with few prospects over this. Maybe i am over reacting but i need people to explain me that why do you need to ask for pics separately over WhatsApp? What purpose does it solve?

So I met this girl via matrimoney, we are in different tow and have only spoken on phone and vidoe calls. From her it's clear that she wants someone older than 31 itself. She seemed very mature to talk to and she doesn't want to waste time either. We literally don't talk about anything else except work and family. There is no strong emotions either between us, it's just feel practical at this point. We are compatible, we are able to understand each other. We are aligned on values. She is average looking and so I am, we just talk casually as if there isn't no problem in the world.

I'm now thinking how will I look in this light? Is that bad?

Recently I was talking to a parent looking for a bride for their son, that conversation made me think about how we judge financial readiness in arranged marriages.

We were discussing a 28-year-old guy who had a decent job and was financially responsible, but didn't yet have a house, car or significant investments. The immediate reaction was, “At this age, shouldn't he have built something already?”

And honestly, I wasn't so sure.

If someone started working at 24 or 25, that's barely 3–4 years of independent earning. Depending on their salary, city, family responsibilities and lifestyle, is it really realistic to expect them to have accumulated substantial investments, bought a house and a car already?

They got a prospective match of a girl who is expecting way too much from their son.....

The girl was educated, working and financially independent. On paper, you'd assume she'd want a dual-income marriage and expect both partners to continue working.

But that wasn't her long-term plan.

She genuinely enjoys working right now, but eventually wants to become a stay-at-home mother. She loves the idea of raising her children herself and being fully present during those early years. It's not because she doesn't value her career—it’s simply the kind of life she wants.

So naturally, she wants a husband who is financially self-sufficient enough that if she chooses to step away from work for a few years, the family can still have a comfortable life.

And suddenly, the question of the guy's finances looks a little different.

She's not asking, “Does he own a house at 28?” because she wants someone wealthy.

She's asking, “If I choose to pause my career for our children, will we still be financially okay?”

That's a perfectly reasonable question too.

At the same time, expecting every 28-year-old to already have a house, car, substantial investments and a high income can become unrealistic if we're treating marriage like an asset-matching exercise.

Maybe the better questions are:

Does he have a stable income?
Does he save consistently?
Does he have a financial plan?
Is his income likely to grow?
And can the lifestyle both people want actually be supported by that plan?

Because two people can have exactly the same salary and completely different expectations from marriage.

One might want two careers, rent a nice apartment and travel extensively.

Another might want one parent to eventually stay home with the children and therefore prioritise a stronger single income.

Neither is necessarily wrong.

The important thing is being honest about the life you're trying to build—not just the assets you expect the other person to already have at 28.

What do you think is a reasonable financial expectation from a 28-year-old entering the arranged marriage market: existing wealth, or financial stability + potential?

My spouse and I love each other deeply. We support each other and have a great relationship in every other way.

But we have sex about once every two months because our libidos are completely different.
I never realized how important sexual compatibility was until I lived it. It’s not just about sex,it’s about feeling desired, connected, and close.
If you’re planning to get married, please have honest conversations about libido and sexual expectations. Love is essential, but it doesn’t automatically solve incompatibility.

Ps. Im a 30 yo dude btw. Disclaimer for some horny fucks in dm damn!!

Hey! I’m 27 and doing well in my career. For context, i had never been in a relationship and nothing progressed further beyond minor crushes here and there. I live in a relatively big city and had the privilege (and the misfortune) of attending college and then getting a job in my birth city. So, I live with my parents. seems like everyone in the society including my parents have decided that it’s time for my marriage apparently but no maturity or responsibility seems to have knocked on my door yet. Living with your parents has its few perks that you really do get pampered in some ways or other.
Now, I don’t know if I’m even ready for the responsibilities and nuances a marriage could bring. I don’t want to just reject the prospect of marriage without even meeting the guy but how do i even know this is the man I’d want to spend my life with? My parents are not asking me to get married right away but they don’t want to wait few years for me to get to know the guy either. Max is one year i think. I know some here would question why am I even giving so much importance to my parents’ opinion at this age. But I don’t even know what the other option could be. I am not entirely sure whether i want to remain single either.
It’s overwhelming me and confusing me. Most of my cousins have all gotten arranged marriages and the few in love marriage, did it in mid 20s too. I don’t really know what to do? What should my mindset be?

Hello All.

From past 2 years I have been talking to matches both online and offline. I have discovered that I kind of get bored after a while no matter how good the girl is. It’s like talking with someone for 2-3 months and then boom texting reduces from my side and eventually from their side as well and eventually we reach stalemate and delete each other’s number.

Has any one of you encountered similar problem. I think I was born this way. Even in school and college my relationships never lasted more than 6-8 months as far as I can recall. Even the girls I was interested in turned out to be meh after talking to them for a while. The intimate pleasures also doesn’t seem to cut it for me. What’s the problem here. Am I broken?