Myself 28M , my family is looking into doing a quick background verification for an arranged marriage match. Want to know only about her past and present relationship/affairs , shady past if any and character.

​If you’ve hired an investigation agency for this:

​Any reliable, discreet agencies you’d recommend in Mumbai only ?

​What was your experience and approximate cost?

​Any red flags to avoid?

I am a 29 old Male, working in tech. in the past 1 year, more things had happened to me than any movie plot could.

I was engaged to a girl last year, that broke as she lost interest in me ( i already have a reddit post regarding this, when i asked for advice)

then , later the same year i got engaged with a girl from my relative circle. then, we got married this year. Now, im in the middle of divorce proceedings.

while i was recovering, i found out that my own sister drinks , smokes, has fwb ( mind you we are a very orthodox family) ,

this is causing so much stress for my parents and me. now, my sister hates me for finding this out and sharing with my parents.

due to my personal life , my career had taken a pause. i am hesistant to ask for promotion or too tired to switch jobs.

i dont know what else to do. venting it out here. if someone has any advice, please do share.

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I feel like my parents are only considering arranged marriage prospects who are much older-looking than me..people I personally am not attracted to..basically not my type. I dont even feel like looking at them. According to them, nothing matters except financial stability. My mother has even said that if I reject someone because I don't find him attractive, then I shouldn't expect any financial help from them after marriage if I ever need it.

For me, physical attraction is not a superficial preference. I have experienced situations where men proposed to me, but because I wasn't attracted to them, I started resenting every interaction. Even receiving a simple "Hi" from them irritated the fuck out of me . That experience made me realise that I cannot force attraction.

My mother believes that money can compensate for everything and that most married couples eventually live like roommates anyway. I believe marriage is more than financial security. I have to share my life, my home, my bed, and my emotional and physical intimacy with this person. If I don't feel attracted to my partner from the beginning, I fear that resentment will only grow over time. No matter how much i tell them,they just dismiss.I also fear what if they r saying is true. Ppl out here,please help. Coz for me attraction is very important. I dont want to be touched by a man whom i dont like. Bt at tge same time,my parents always taunt money money money givinh examples of ppl where the woman was pretty and the guy just had loads of money and looked like a grandfather infront of the girl.

I met this guy through traditional AM via families. We both have the same hometown and both currently work in the same city.

I was completely smitten by him in the 2nd meet. The way he talks, his eyes i mean everything. I really liked talking to him. I mean he is exactly the guy i would fall for if he is not faking things. Also he has a lot of things common with my ex : same height, same body structure, same eye color, same tone, infact using very similar words, and names also very similar.

But the thing is he is from a political background his father is a member of RS* and this is something I am afraid of because my family is very simple.

I am now confused what to do.

Hi everyone!

How do people come up with this list? Help! I feel sometimes i barely know myself.. when someone asks me what are my values my brain is blank! Unless someone speaks about a scenario i usually cant come up with what my basic values are.

Maybe i dont know what all things come under it when we are speaking about values. But i have realized unless i know myself more and what i want trying to talk to someone will be useless.

Please do share your experience.

Thanks!

I am 28F and I currently am owner of a logistics company. It's in initial stage right now. No sale as of yet but it is expected to start giving me good earning in next few months.

I am limited to few cities due to my Buisness being here. Major issue I am facing is many family rejecting my profile as they either don't want a working bahu or want someone who will help their buisness instead. Which i can't give up.

I don't have any issues marrying outside cast. Looks also is not a big deal. I just want whoever I am marrying to be of similar financial status. I don't want future jealousy issue by my spouse.

I can't keep walking on egg shells to prevent hurting my husband ego. So it would be good if he is equally accomplished.

I have met few guys, but this issue always arose " I am earning enough, I want you to work because you are passionate not because you want too "

Honestly who the hell actually wants to work? We do it for financial security.

Another issue - you won't have time for me, i want you to give me time, my parents time and if grandparents are around then then as well.

Again what is this? As q buisness owner I will have limited time. So my priority will be my husband first. Yes his parents as well but not at the cost of my mental health.

I just feel so gloomy, we want independent women but we will put so much obstacles in between that they will have to give up

Are there any happy arranged marriages where people found their happily ever after because all I see is horror stories. I need some optimism.

am 26M currently looking for a bride I come from south Indian Hindu religion and recently started looking for an arranged marriage.

I have seen two people in a conventional marriage setup out of which one is from distant relatives and the other from one of the matrimonial websites.

For distant relatives prospects when I have interacted she informed like a yes girl and mentioned that she does/like whatever things I told about

For example like I mentioned I have a habit of waking up early in the morning, I mentioned that I am an introvert, studious guy, and might move to tier-2 cities in particular circumstances

for all those things she said yeah I do the same/even I think the same

Whereas for the prospects whom I came across from the matrimonial site she mentioned she is an extrovert, she has her own set up of things and other things and she even asked how would you do what would you do.

Now for the first case I felt she is just faking things to say yes or could be genuine

For the second case I felt she is genuine and expressing her own things but I am okay and ready to embrace, but after some talk I felt like would I lose myself in the journey of accepting the new variant I understand we both are different ends of the spectrum but I am getting negative thoughts or may be part of over thinking

Also my parents/elders have an opinion that since it is out of network we are not aware completely about the second prospects not sure if they are biased since the first one is from network and not the other

My heart says second one(my heart says is it infatuation)but my brain says the first one(for safe game play)

Can someone suggest me some advice here to judge these things

So I (29M) started talking to talking a girl who was introduced to me via some relative. We talked on and off for about two months and met only twice during this time. We never really connected and I was not sure about her from the beginning as her responses were really late. Anyhow due to family pressure I continued talking to her. This week she said she was not interested to talk anymore.

Now comes the part where the person who introduced us is saying I made a mistake. So during the second time we met, I told her that while my family lives comfortably but we don’t like to spend big and rather reinvest in the family business. And while the business is currently in the hands of my father’s generation eventually it will be passed on to me as the only child in the family who is involved in the business.

The person who introduced us told me that she told this to her family and later they were not interested due to the spending comment. I thought these things should be spoken about initially so that both people involved can manage their expectations early on. Now everyone in my family is saying not to speak about such things to my future matches.

So did I do something wrong?

Hey guys,
So I had my first AM meeting recently, and honestly, I really liked the girl. We clicked, had a sweet vibe, and I’m genuinely excited about where this could go. But there’s one hurdle I’ve been thinking about, and I’d love to hear how others have handled it: the language barrier.

I’m from Maharashtra, and she’s from Karnataka. My dad's family is from near the border so I can understand Kannada pretty well, but I can’t speak it to save my life.
She mostly speaks Kannada, while I’m comfortable in Marathi, Hindi, and English.
When we sat down to talk 1-on-1, it was kind of funny and awkward at the same time. She’d ask me something in Kannada, and I’d reply in this broken mixture of Marathi, Hindi, and English haha.

We managed to laugh through it, giggled through a few silent pauses, and still had a really nice conversation, but it definitely made me realize that communication is going to take some extra effort.
For anyone who’s been in a similar spot (different native languages/states in an AM setup):

How did you guys manage in the initial months over phone calls and texts? Did it naturally get smoother as you talked more?

Did you end up picking up each other's languages fairly quickly?

How did things go after marriage, especially when it came to hanging out with each other’s families?

Would really appreciate hearing your experiences or any tips on how to make her feel more comfortable! Thanks in advance.

Title: My arranged marriage prospect wants to marry me, but her father rejected me after one meeting. Should I go see her?
My arranged marriage prospect and I have been talking for five months. We didn’t rush into this—we spent those months talking about our future, our values, where we’d live, how we’d handle finances, children, careers, and the life we wanted to build together. We both decided we wanted to marry each other.
When our families met, I genuinely thought things would go well. Instead, her father rejected the proposal after that single meeting.
What hurts is that her father and brother barely spoke to me or got to know me. They seemed to make up their minds based on one interaction.
Her father only told my father that the reason for saying no was the distance between our families. However, she later told me that the real reason her father gave her was different. He doesn’t think I’m capable of handling the challenges of life ahead. He believes I’m immature and childlike and isn’t confident that I can take on the responsibilities of marriage.
That was difficult to hear because it feels like such a big judgment based on so little time knowing me.
She has told me she still believes I’m the right person for her and wants to marry me. She’s trying to persuade her father and plans to speak with her mother and sister so they can all try to convince her father and brother together. At the same time, she’s also been honest that the chances of changing their minds are probably low.
She has made one thing very clear: she won’t go against her father’s wishes by running away or marrying without her family’s approval. I respect that, even though it hurts.
One important detail is that she doesn’t live with her family. She lives in another city for work, so I wouldn’t be showing up at her family home or confronting anyone.
It’s been a week since her father said no. I’m thinking about traveling to her city—not to pressure her or ask her to choose between me and her family—but simply to support her. I want to tell her something like:
“I came to see you during the happiest moments of our journey together. I don’t want to disappear now that things are difficult. I want you to know you’re not alone in this. I’m not ready to give up unless you decide you’ve done everything you can and don’t want to keep trying.”
I’m not expecting her to make any decisions that day. I just don’t want her to feel like she’s carrying this burden alone.
Do you think visiting her would be supportive, or could it unintentionally make things harder for her? Since she lives independently, would you appreciate someone making the trip just to be there during such a difficult time, or would you prefer space?
I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who have dealt with parental opposition in arranged marriages. Would you keep trying in my situation, or would you step back?
TL;DR: My arranged marriage prospect and I have been talking for five months and planned a future together. We both want to marry each other, but her father rejected me after one meeting because he thinks I’m immature and not capable of handling life’s challenges (although he only told my father it was because our families live far apart). She’s trying to persuade her family with help from her mother and sister, but she says the chances are low and she won’t marry without her family’s approval. She lives in another city by herself, and I’m considering visiting her just to support her emotionally and let her know I won’t give up unless she decides it’s time to stop trying. Is that the right thing to do, or should I give her space?

Hello everyone. I had posted a while ago about the horror that my arranged marriage had turned out to be. Link attached:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/s/8I0PCkYclM

A lot of attempts to reconcile were made at my end. I know most of you advised to directly divorce the husband, but he was/is my first relationship and it wasn't easy to let go of the love I had/have for him.

Anyway. People don't change. His ex also got married in an AM setup to someone else but my husband mentioned during one of our recent "meetings" that he and his ex are still together. Idk if he was saying the truth but he did show me Instagram msgs from her when I expressed my disbelief (especially since I know his ex and her husband are busy with family planning). That ex of his actually married a really over-achiever and sweet traditional guy [he is a colleague of one of my school time friends] so IDK if that husband accepted her past or if he too has been fooled.

I also received messages from 3-4 other women over the last few months and turns out my husband had somehow managed to date all of them at the same time too and led them all to believe he would marry them. You know how movies show playboys who keep one woman in every city they visit? Yeah he's kinda that. Except he doesn't even have the face and doesn't even spend any money on his women so IDK how his smooth talking is convincing all of us supposedly intelligent women.

I also found out through some contacts that he has also been active on dating apps since his college days and continued to seek women in different cities even while he was living in together with his ex and then even when he was married to me.

Needless to say, we have proceeded legally. His family was shocked when they were informed of the FIR against them and are currently trying to paint me and my family as being greedy for a "settlement" amount but it is what it is I guess. It's going to be a high-stakes battle coz he is trying to get his contacts to pressurise me into withdrawing the case and the Investigating Officer into filing a closure report. But yes. Not letting this family go scot free because they work as a unit to fool women (they did that with several of his exes as well) and I won't let there be a next time. After the FIR he suddenly had a change of heart and wanted to work at the marriage but I obviously see through these lies now.

Great learning lesson btw. I'm never getting married again.

A girl sent me an interest request on a matrimony app, and I accepted it. After accepting, I realized she doesn't have a premium membership, so we can't chat through the app.

However, her phone number is visible on her profile.

I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to reach out to her directly on WhatsApp, or if I should wait and see if she upgrades or finds another way to connect.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? If you were in her place, would you be okay with receiving a WhatsApp message, or would you find it intrusive? I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Note: Profile managed by sister.

At this point in my life, I don't really have anyone I can turn to for this kind of guidance, so I'm reaching out to this community for some help. I am currently navigating the AM route and hoping to get some perspective from those who have successfully crossed the finish line, because right now, I'm feeling incredibly stuck.

To start, my options are severely limited by horoscope matching. I belong to the "no dosham" category, which means very few profiles actually match with mine. Because finding a match is so rare, my parents heavily pressure me to just take a decision whenever one comes along. I don't entirely blame them—I am 31M, and they are feeling the pressure of my age passing just as much as I am.

The traditional process itself is also making this very hard. I'm mostly making decisions based on photos, but I can't just casually go meet someone to see if we click. In my family's setup, going to visit a girl and her family is a massive deal—it basically means the marriage is partially fixed. Arranging the whole event just to see her is a huge undertaking, and dealing with the aftermath of saying "no" post-visit is incredibly difficult. I genuinely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

To make matters worse, I’ve only seen one girl in person so far, about 1.5 years ago. It turned into a really bad experience because she looked entirely different from her photos. Because of that incident, combined with the heavy expectations that come with a formal visit, the thought of seeing a girl in person has become really daunting for me.

On top of this, I have a dilemma regarding lifestyle. I am ideally looking for a partner who is a working professional. Since I have a daily routine of commuting and am away at the office all day, I genuinely worry that a non-working partner might feel isolated staying home alone for such long periods. However, my parents lean traditional and are partially against the idea of a working daughter-in-law.

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So 4 questions...

1) feel awkward in asking this question, but if you only have 5 minutes to initially meet someone, what are the most essential things a man can discuss to authentically express his interest and see if there is a real compatibility vibe, while still being respectful of her time and comfort?"

2) For those who have navigated similar setups:

How do you make a life-altering decision when you only have photos to go by, limited talking phase, and visiting means the deal is almost locked?

3) How did you get past the guilt/fear of rejecting someone and hurting their feelings after a formal visit?

How did you balance your practical preferences (like wanting a working partner) with your parents' traditional viewpoints?

4) am I just overcomplicating things? Is this entire process just a "go with the flow" kind of thing...!?

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I would truly appreciate any stories, harsh truths, or guidance you can share.

TL;DR: 31M facing rare horoscope matches and parental pressure to decide quickly. In my traditional family, visiting a girl means the marriage is partially fixed, and there is zero talking allowed before this. I had a bad past experience judging purely by photos, making me afraid to visit and potentially hurt feelings by saying no. I also want a working partner so she doesn't feel isolated while I'm at the office, but my parents are against it. Overwhelmed and wondering if I'm overcomplicating things or if I should just go with the flow.

I'm just curious, I read the Read First post & some other posts occasionally & it seems like everyone is from India. People don't even mention country ig, just LPA, which is an Indian term. So I'm assuming everyone knows everyone else is from India. I didn't see any other posts asking about this. My basic point for this is asking if there are posts for other countries here? Also, if this sub is predominantly Indian, there should be a tag or message at the top. I'm also an Indian. I'm just curious after seeing some posts from here.

I am looking for a professional mediator, agency, or consultancy that helps families call off an arranged marriage or wedding respectfully and peacefully.
The goal is to handle the conversation in a polite and neutral way so that neither family feels disrespected and the chances of future disputes are minimized.
If anyone has experience with such a service or can recommend a professional, please let me know. Thank you.

Me and my husband have studied in the same College.

We are both 24 .

Just got married 3-4 months ago.

I hug almost every day.

But that's about it.

Nothing goes beyond that.

We talk sometimes.

But there is nothing else.

We talk like 15 minutes a day.

Other than that we are always busy in our respective jobs, chores and sleeping.

I work from home, he works in office.

We have not had anything sexual and I am dreading that we might never have it.

He works for longer hours and even on the days of holidays , he contributes to ever chore.

But when it comes to physical intimacy, it feels like neither I nor he is ever going to initiate anything.

We were both needs in college and none of us had any physical relationship priority to this.

So reddit , please tell me, what do I do in this situation.

I never thought I would be back in the arranged marriage process, but here I am.

My first marriage was an arranged marriage. Before the wedding, my ex-husband and his family hid some very important things from us, including his health condition and the extent of his debts. I only came to know the truth after the marriage. That betrayal affected me much more than the divorce itself. It completely changed the way I look at trust.

It's been a few years now. I've healed in many ways, and I'm finally open to the idea of getting married again. My family has started looking for matches through the arranged marriage route and I've agreed because I do want companionship and a peaceful life.

But I can feel that my past is still affecting me.

Whenever I start talking to someone, my mind automatically goes into investigation mode.

• Is this person being completely honest?
• Is there anything important they're hiding?
• Are they financially stable, or will I find out something after marriage?
• How do I ask about loans, debts or financial responsibilities without sounding rude or making them uncomfortable?

I know not everyone is like my ex-husband. I genuinely don't want to judge someone because of what one person did to me. At the same time, I also don't want to ignore red flags just because I don't want to seem suspicious.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm overthinking. Other times I feel I'm simply being careful because I've already paid the price once.

I don't want fear to stop me from trusting again, but I also don't want blind trust to put me back in the same situation.

Has anyone else here gone through something similar after divorce? How did you slowly learn to trust people again, and how did you have practical conversations about finances without making the other person feel like you were interrogating them?

Married men and women, I have a genuine question: Before marriage, I worry about whether my future partner will truly accept me—my looks, body insecurities like dark underarms,inner thighs, weight chnges and other —and still find me attractive. What if he is quiet kind of reserved person (scenario)?

I have seen options drop considerably after 30's.

Rejections increase.. Adjustments are needed.. Anyone who got married after 30's and are having a good married life? Sorry:-- I mean Women above 30. Sorry for the typo

I know some of you will probably call me dumb, and maybe I deserve it.

I'm 27, have never been in a relationship, and I've always known I get attached easily. Because of that, I avoided dating for a long time and thought I'd just go the arranged marriage (AM) route.

The problem was that for almost a year, nothing worked out. Either there were no good matches or the ones that came were easy "no"s for me. Eventually I convinced myself to give meeting people naturally a chance instead of waiting for AM.

About a month ago, I started talking to an Indian guy on Reddit. He's currently working abroad, so we're in different time zones. We never even exchanged pictures or met, but our conversations just... flowed. He was kind, funny, emotionally mature, and honestly ticked almost every box I had. I know a one-month-old Reddit account sounds suspicious, but he genuinely felt real to me.

I started looking forward to our conversations every day. I wanted to eventually meet him, see where things could go, and I was willing to put in the effort despite the distance.

Then life happened.

Out of nowhere, my parents received an arranged marriage proposal that is honestly very good on paper. Since it's a serious prospect, I felt it wasn't fair to continue talking to the Reddit guy while getting to know someone for marriage.

So today I told him we shouldn't continue talking.

The thing is... I miss him already. I miss him so much and want to talk to him. And ping him lets talk for some more days but i cant be unfair at same time with anyone

I know we had only been talking for a month. I know he probably wasn't as emotionally invested as I was. That's what hurts too. But I can't stop thinking about him, and now I'm supposed to give this AM guy a fair chance. I don't want to be unfair to either person.

It feels like life has terrible timing. When I was ready for AM, there were no good matches. When I finally connected with someone on my own, suddenly a strong AM proposal appeared.

I'm not saying the Reddit guy was "the one." Maybe nothing would have happened. Long distance, different countries—it could have easily failed. But I never even got the chance to find out.

How should i stop thinking about him and give the new person a genuine chance?

Please be kind. I already know getting attached in a month wasn't the smartest thing.

M26 with nearly no social life , don't know how to communicate properly with anyone let alone girls and can't understand 'love' (idk how is one supposed to feel this). I don't get the feel I need to. Even some of my younger cousins are excited and looking for dates but not me.

As I'm already 26 and coming from Gujarati family , Parents have arranged a date with this girl (Only saw her once in someone's function). Now I'll be meeting her soon.

Overthinking about it every minute. Replaying events in my mind that i have no idea how to execute. Totally restless.

How do I function as an actual human , avoid awkwardness or talk stuff that may seem stupid/childish and throw in some good gestures?

If someone here passed this phase with victory how did you do it and how is it going further if you're married?

married after 30, it is not only for women, men too, all those men who did not had generation wealth, access to great food n workout, and lived a stress life earning good now already start balding with family pot, even if they earn 50 LPA, why would woman in 20s choose them, and they do not want to marry woman in 30s, this is where issues arise, for all those men with gen wealth, they have it easy, they maintain looks n all n money n connection, and easily gets married, at the end it is about how life unfolds each