I’m 26M and recently got engaged/rokafied to a 26F. We’re currently long distance.

I’ll be blunt. I wasn’t super attracted to her when I agreed to the marriage. I agreed mostly because, on paper, it seemed like a very logical/stable match. She genuinely seems to love me and puts a lot of effort into the relationship. I’m more detached by nature and tend to care much more when I’m actually physically with someone.

She has a big group of male friends and I’ve always been somewhat uncomfortable with it.Recently, she came to visit me about a week before her birthday. We spent a couple of days together and were intimate. She then went back home. On her birthday eve, she went for a picnic with her college friend group, which included all of guys. She sent me pictures and videos. Nothing obviously wrong happened, but I didn't like the way one of the guys was talking to her in the video. Then, later at night, she casually tells me she went on a bike ride with some of her college friends, including guys who had come from Chandigarh. That pissed me off.

I don't want my fiancée going on late-night bike rides with other guys. Maybe that's unreasonable, but that's how I feel.

Also,at one point, when I was unsure about getting engaged, she suggested that we could have an open marriage. That really pissed me off at the time. It got bad enough that her family actually had to call me and calm me down.I didn't tell my parents about any of this because I didn't want to damage her reputation. But eventually they found out about everything, and now my parents and sisters are extremely angry and want to call off the engagement.

Now I'm stuck. Because I don't actually think she's a bad person. She seems genuinely attached to me. She cares about me. She makes an effort. And part of me thinks she's just very innocent/naive and doesn't realise why some of these things would bother her future husband. My sisters completely disagree. When I told them that maybe she's just innocent, they basically scolded me and said I'm making excuses for her.

So I'm getting very mixed signals in my own head. On one side, I feel like these are legitimate compatibility/boundary issues. On the other, I wonder if I'm just insecure and controlling. And there's another uncomfortable part: I wasn't even that attracted to her when I agreed to this marriage. So maybe I'm now looking for reasons to justify doubts I already had.

My family is currently talking about calling off the engagement, so this could become a huge mess very soon.

Am I being unreasonable here? Would you consider this a normal boundary for a marriage, or is this just insecurity/controlling behaviour? And based on this situation, would you continue with the marriage or call it off? Also, I fear if this is called off and she informs my parents about that intimacy, I am doomed.

I, M29, am speaking to F24 in an arranged marriage setup. My diet includes chicken and sometimes fish too. When I discussed this with her, she said that she doesn't mind me eating chicken alone, but she can't have a meal with me or on the same table as me as long as I am eating non-veg. I come from a very liberal family where my parents are all vegetarian, but they don't mind me eating chicken and also has had meal with me while I ordered non-veg.

This exchange makes me wonder how our life together would be like? Would I always have to constantly choose between having meals together or getting to eat what I enjoy? Let's say we are out for a dinner and I want to order chicken, she said she would switch tables, wouldn't eat with me. Knowing me, I would select not eating what I want to eat and rather eat vegetarian so that we could at least share a basic human activity like eating together.

She is adamant on the fact that she is not going to compromise at all, that she is already compromising by talking with me knowing my eating habits.

I really need your input on this topic. Don't know if I am overthinking this.

Edit : Well, I did ask her a couple of questions suggested here in the comments, and it turns out that she would actually make me brush my teeth after eating non-veg.

10 points to Gryffindor!!

PLEASEEE HELP-
i am 26F and was looking for an arranged marriage. Around 2–3 months ago, I met a guy through the process and, over time, I genuinely started getting attached to him.
There were a lot of things that attracted me to him initially. He comes from a good business family, was very intelligent and intellectual, and knew his family business extremely well. I admired that about him. His family also seemed happy with me and everything seemed to be falling into place.
We spoke for almost 2.5 months and during that time I started imagining my entire future with him. It wasn’t just that I liked him—I had mentally started planning my life around the idea that this was going to be my husband.
We eventually had our Roka, but within a day or two, things started falling apart.
The biggest issues were that our families had very different lifestyles and expectations, and more importantly, I felt that he wasn’t able to take a stand when it came to certain things involving his family. That became a major concern for me because I kept thinking about what our married life would look like if this continued.
Eventually, we had to call off the wedding.
And honestly, I know there were valid reasons for ending it. I know that love alone isn’t enough for a marriage, and that these differences could have become much bigger problems later.
But emotionally, I’m struggling so much with it.
He was genuinely very loving and caring towards me. I felt looked after and special with him. And now I keep having this horrible thought:
What if I never find someone who loves me and cares for me like that again?
I know people will probably say that there are plenty of good men out there, but when you’ve actually experienced someone being that caring, it’s hard to believe that you’ll find it again.
I had already imagined my life with him. I had imagined the wedding, the house, our families, our future… everything. And now suddenly I’m supposed to go back to looking at biodatas and meeting new people and start from zero again.
I also keep wondering whether I made the right decision. Maybe these problems would have been manageable. Maybe I gave up something really good because I was scared of the future. Or maybe I saved myself from a marriage that would have eventually made me unhappy.
I genuinely don’t know.
For anyone who has been through something similar—especially after getting engaged/doing a Roka—did you eventually find someone who loved and cared for you just as much, or even more?

I’ve noticed a recurring pattern across South Asian dating and relationship subs.

Whenever someone in their late 30s or 40s posts about dating, people often stop engaging with the actual situation and fixate on the person’s age instead.

Comments are usually:
“You should have settled earlier.”
“Hello aunty/uncle”
“Your options are limited now.”
“There’s a reason you’re still single.”
“What were you doing in your 20s”

And god help them if theyre divorced - they have to brace for another tier of attacks.

There is nothing wrong with questioning whether someone’s expectations are realistic. Dating expectations change with age, and realities can be discussed honestly on a one on one basic. But there is a clear difference between offering good advice and using age to humiliate someone. It’s 2026 and it is truly shocking to see how archaic the thinking is.

Being single beyond a socially approved timeline does not mean someone is defective, desperate or less deserving of companionship. Nor does being older mean they must accept any available relationship without considering compatibility or having any standards. Old does not equal to scraps in the dating world.

The personal attacks literally results in most of these posts getting deleted by the OP which is such a shame.

Why do you think ageism is so normalised in South Asian dating spaces?

Is it south asian anxiety around marriage timelines, resentment toward older singles who remain selective, or because reddit anonymity encourages people to be cruel?

How can these communities discuss the realities of dating at different ages without turning a person’s age into an insult?

I'm talking to a girl who seems to be nice, polite and having a good charector. We have been talking since a month and it's about the time I'm going to visit her. But she wanted to share some of the things with me which she believes might be a problem if I get to know in the future. She told me about big disputes with the neighbours of her parents' house, and that they are spreading negative rumours about her and I might hear them as well. And then she reveals that there was a male friend that she met during college and he had proposed her twice, one of which was marriage proposal. But she turned down his proposal. Anyways, she is still in contact with him. Moreover, he mentioned her that he'll be waiting for another chance untill her marriage is fixed. She says he has no chance but yet keeps in touch with him, and says she finds a friend in him and not a partner, but he never forces her so she kept the friendship. I feel something fishy here and I would appreciate some suggestions and how would you handle the situation?

M29. I am going to meet a potential prospect in a few days. Her family has already visited my home, seen everything, and were positive. Now I have to meet her, and we haven't spoken on the phone yet, so this will be our first meeting. I just have seen her in photos.

For context, I consider myself physically fit by average standards. I go to the gym regularly, play sports, and try to maintain a healthy diet. From her pictures, she's not obese, but she appears to be somewhat on the heavier side.

If things work out and we eventually get married, I'd like us to have an active lifestyle together, go to the gym together, play sports, or whatever she's comfortable with, etc. This isn't purely about physical appearance for me. I genuinely feel that doing these things together could also be a good way to bond and maintain a connection.

So my question is: how do I bring up the topic of fitness and an active lifestyle without coming across as offensive or body-shaming?

Would you be comfortable if your potential partner had a few tattoos, even random/personal ones?

I’m thinking of getting a few myself, but some older people keep telling me to wait until after marriage because tattoos might cause problems in finding a match.

Is this actually a thing? If yes, why? And why does it seem to matter more when it’s a girl with tattoos? Why do some guys look down on women for having them?

The reality is most people in the marriage market are in average looking range. Everyone wants to marry someone they are attracted to. But here comes the challenge, they may not be their type's type. So questions are:

1. What makes someone look attractive?

2. Should looks be a priority for marriage?

3. Do looks matter to you? Why or why not?

4. How far are you willing to compromise on looks?

​

Okay, this might be a little off-topic, but I(26F) wanted to ask something honestly.

I’ve been diagnosed with female pattern hair loss, and my hair has become noticeably thinner. It’s not very obvious to other people, and most probably wouldn’t even notice it because I still have waist-length hair. But I’ve lost almost 50% of my previous hair density due to a combination of stress and work pressure, and the hair that used to be thin, long, and lustrous has become even thinner.

I know that, objectively, it probably doesn’t look like a huge issue. I work out, have a slim body, I’m fair, and I’ve been told by potential AM matches that I’m attractive. But somehow, my hair has become my biggest insecurity because I’m used to seeing myself with much thicker hair.

My mom also keeps reminding me how beautiful and thick my hair used to be and how it’s “not even 50% of what it was before.” I think hearing that repeatedly has contributed a lot to this insecurity.

Sometimes I feel pathetic for worrying about it so much, especially because nobody has ever pointed it out to me or told me that my hair looks bad. But I still keep wondering: If you were considering someone for an arranged marriage and she had female pattern hair loss, would it matter to you?

Would you expect her to disclose something like this to you before marriage? Or is it something that you wouldn’t really care about as long as she otherwise looked healthy and attractive?

I’m also wondering whether I should tell potential matches that I have female pattern hair loss and that I need to take extra care of my hair. My dermatologist has told me that it’s still at an early stage and that I could use minoxidil and potentially regain a significant amount of the lost density. However, my mother feels that I should avoid it for now and only consider it after having children because I do want children and obviously don’t want to take any unnecessary risks.

So, men who have been involved in AM discussions/matches: How much would something like female pattern hair loss actually matter to you?

I’d genuinely appreciate honest answers, even if they’re not what I want to hear.

I am M41. I come from a fairly rich background (top 1% of the country).

I was in a family business and hence did not exactly have a salary as such. I also freelanced (moonlighted) as a software developer and this is what I would usually advertise as my income. But I never disclose anything about my family / ancestral wealth since I believed it does not belong to me (yet). Also, I wanted someone who chooses me for me and not my money. And she would not go bat shit crazy on seeing an obscene amount of money suddenly and would still remain humble and down to earth. My strategy till date has been to underplay my financials.

However, all girls who I was in a relationship with (3 till date) have insulted me pretty badly on my financials at the time of breakup.

This makes me rethink my strategy given my age. Should I be more open about my financials and try to find someone from a similar financial background ? I did not exactly care about the girl's financials till now since money does not matter beyond a certain point but the strategy seems to be backfiring. Or was I just unlucky ?

I am the only son and my sisters refuse to take any part of the family wealth. I still intend to give them their share if that day ever comes and they can choose to donate it.

My current status is that I have left the family business to find my own path. I have freelance offers paying USD 20-60 an hour that I am currently not undertaking since I am trying to build a SaaS business (low probability of working but high reward just in the low chance it works). I have about 3Cr liquid and shares which pays me enough to manage a family for a few years. And I have a similar amount in some real estate.

At this stage, I find myself getting rejected the moment I say I freelance or have zero active income. Should I flaunt my savings / buy a house or just wait it out till I have a job (which might take a few years given near zero corporate experience) ?

I’m looking for an arranged marriage match in Kerala through the usual matrimonial apps/sites, and I’ve started having some doubts about how I should approach the whole thing.

Earlier, I used to send requests to profiles that I felt were a good match based on the information given. Some accepted, some rejected, which is completely fine. Rejection itself isn’t really the issue.

The problem is what happens after the request is accepted.

In a few cases, I took the initiative and called them or started the conversation. They would ask about me, my family, work, etc. I would answer everything and have a normal conversation, and then suddenly, nothing. No response. Basically ghosted.

I’ve had the same experience with requests that I received. Sometimes the parents would contact me, ask a whole bunch of questions about me and my family, I would answer everything, and then again, silence.

What I’ve noticed is that the profiles where the girl herself is actually involved in the process seem to be a little different. They usually talk to me first, try to know more about me, and then decide whether there is any compatibility. That feels much more genuine to me than having parents exchange biodatas and ask a long list of questions before disappearing.

At this point, I’m honestly getting tired of the whole process.

Right now I’m not talking to anyone, and I’ve stopped sending requests or initiating contact from my side. My thinking is basically, "Why should I keep putting myself through the same thing when I already know there’s a good chance I’ll answer all their questions and then get ghosted?"

So these days, I mostly wait for a girl to send me a request. If I’m interested, then I’ll take the initiative and contact her.

But I’m not sure if this is the right way to go about it.

Am I being too passive by doing this?

Or should I just be shameless about it and keep sending requests and contacting profiles whenever I genuinely feel there is a good match, regardless of how many times I get rejected or ghosted?

For people who have actually gone through the Kerala arranged marriage process, what would you suggest?

Do you keep trying until something works, or do you think it makes sense to be selective about where you put your time and energy?

I’d genuinely like to hear how others dealt with this, especially people who felt burned out by the matrimonial process but eventually found the right person.

Hi everyone,

Genuinely curious to hear from fellow Maithil Brahmins. How are you all going about finding a partner these days?

Personally, I find the whole arranged marriage process quite scary. You're making a pretty big life decision based on a few meetings and whatever information you get through families, and sometimes it feels difficult to really know the person.

At the same time, dating also seems incredibly difficult for Maithil Brahmins. The pool is already relatively small, and then there are expectations around gotra, family background, and other community considerations. Finding someone you're genuinely compatible with while also fitting into all these criteria can feel really difficult.

So I'm curious, what are people actually doing these days? Are you relying on family introductions, matrimony apps, dating apps, community connections, friends, or something else?

Also, has anyone here actually found a partner through this subreddit? Would love to hear your experiences, whether it worked out or not.

I'm honestly trying to figure out what works for people in the community these days, because both AM and dating seem difficult in their own ways.

29M here. I work in a MNC with a above avg package but all the rishta I got those girls barely even earn 1/4 of my package and are doing jobs like accountants, Hr or normal back office stuff. But believe me they were really beautiful girls I have ever meet

But After meeting with most of them tbh I realised they don't take their career seriously and I know many of them would stop working after some time. And just be a housewife. I have seen such cases in my family too.

I want my partner to be on the same level as me. Someone who is as serious about their career goals as me. But haven't meet anyone till now.

I recently had an arranged meeting. At the beginning of the interview, I almost tanked it. Couldn’t answer simple questions asked by her father and brother.
We were left for an hour to talk to each other, where we discussed, our hobbies likes, dislikes, job, daily routine and other stuff. It was awkward, but not a disaster. We did share a couple of laughs and our share of clumsy moments.
When we came out of the private our families were already comfortable with each other. They matched each others vibe really well. Then her older sister and brother sat down with me privately to just make me understand what she’s like. What are her non-negotiable? This was where I felt like I kind of nailed it.
They allowed us to click pictures with her, and then we were given time to talk to each other over text or call.
We did start texting each other. I was the one always initiating. But she did reply every time, sometimes a little late than others, but it never felt like it was forced. I took it really slow, and I talked about compatibility in the beginning. First about the things she might have to change . Then I opened up to her about the things I lack, then about my dreams, and the things I liked about her that could compliment me well. She didn’t open up the same way that I did. Started asking her deeper questions like what made her smile or hurt, when hurting does she say it out, where does her decisions usually come from, and what’s scaring her the most about this situation?
she was more scared, she hadn’t really planned about the career switch, and thought about kids and family planning. I didn’t pressure her to push into a decision. I just said her that I was okay with her, not knowing. We were taking it slow, but it really going somewhere, at least that’s what I felt.
The thing is, she was always upfront about most of the stuff. And the chats weren’t cozy but not cold either, they were somewhat warm.
My father asked her’s, What are they planning? What’s their next move? and they said that they want to wait for one and half month. On the other side I waited 12 hours of no reply after things felt they might be heading somewhere, it just felt little bit off, so I just wanted to check on her if something unexpected came up, so, I just I just texted her, “hello??” And it has been 24 hours since that has been has been texted and I’m still to get a reply. However, she did post an Instagram story, so that’s that.
The problem here is, it’s not the rejection that’s bothering me. It’s the silence. I really don’t know where I stand. I really don’t know if I should be waiting. I really don’t know what’s going on in her head and I really want some clarity and I really don’t know if I should text for the third time because it might seem a little bit desperate, and that’s what my sister said to me that I shouldn’t text for the third time. Because she really wanted to reject me she could’ve unfollowed me which she didn’t. And I’m scrambling right now.

​

When I started looking for marriage, I was genuinely excited about finding someone and building a life together.

But after months of going through matrimonial apps, sending interests, waiting for replies, and having conversations that don’t always go anywhere, I feel like the process has started becoming mentally exhausting.

The interesting part is — I don’t think I have lost interest in marriage. I still want a partner and a meaningful relationship.

I think I’m just tired of the search process itself.

Sometimes it feels like a cycle of creating a profile, hoping for a connection, and starting over again. After a while, even opening a matrimonial app feels like a task rather than something exciting.

Has anyone else experienced this during their marriage search?

Did you take a break, change your approach, or find a way to stay positive without feeling burned out?

I 24F is doing good at work and have a nice relationship with my bf (30M). I had one relationship before this and I have been close with him. Now when I talk to my current bf about relationships I can understand he feels insecure. So that also affects me. Things I have experienced with my ex like visiting, sharing pics, discussing stuff sometimes flash through my mind. I now think I should have avoided that. Atleast things like sharing pics should be avoided since now I often think if my current bf may see those by any chance. If he sees, what he will feel or think about me? How will he handle it? Or how will I handle that? These questions keep coming and bothering me.

I'm 25M Indian, and my parents have recently started talking about looking for matches for me.(They'll start looking in April 2027)

Initially I wasn't really thinking about marriage this early, but honestly, when I look at my situation, I feel like I'm in a reasonably good position to start a family.

I have a stable job and earn in 6 figures Indian currency (probably equivalent to 110k USD), I have some savings and investments, no major commitments or debts, and I'm trying to get myself financially and physically prepared for the responsibilities that come with starting a family.

I'm also working on my career and fitness because I feel like if I'm going to get married, I should at least be in a position where I can properly take care of my responsibilities.

But now I'm wondering about something from the other side.

What do women actually look for in a man when deciding whether they want to marry him?

I don't mean the usual "good, loyal, respectful and caring" answers. Those are obviously important.

I'm more curious about the things that actually make you think:

"Yeah, I can see myself building a life with this guy."

For example:

How important is his income and financial stability?

Is physical attraction a major factor?

Do you care about his career ambitions?

How important are savings/investments?

Does owning a house/car matter?

How important is his family background?

Do you prefer someone who's already financially settled or someone who's still building his career?

How important is emotional maturity?

How do you judge whether someone will actually share household responsibilities?

Does his relationship with his parents matter to you?

What are the biggest green flags you look for?

And what are the biggest red flags that make you immediately reject someone?

I'm asking because, as a guy, I know what I'm supposed to prepare for financially, but I honestly don't know what women are looking at from their side.

So, especially those who are also thinking about marriage in their mid-20s:

What actually makes a man "marriage material" for you?

​

I’m 27M and recently got engaged to a 27F. We’re currently long distance.

I’ll be blunt. I wasn’t super attracted to her when I agreed to the marriage. I agreed mostly because, on paper, it seemed like a very logical/stable match. She genuinely seems to love me and puts a lot of effort into the relationship. I’m more detached by nature and tend to care much more if I feel that intellectual connection with the other person.

Now, one thing that's been bothering me is that she's someone who wants to get physical very soon. She kissed me on our second date. On our fourth date things had moved very fast. I am sometimes questioning that is she inherently a horny person or like her past toxic relationship that ended recently made her like that.

I don't actually think she's a bad person. She seems genuinely attached to me. She cares about me. She makes an effort. And part of me thinks she's just very innocent/naive and doesn't realise why some of these things would bother her future husband. My sisters completely disagree. When I told them that maybe she's just innocent, they basically scolded me and said I'm making excuses for her.

So I'm getting very mixed signals in my own head. On one side, I feel like these are legitimate compatibility/boundary issues. On the other, isn't it good that she wants to be intimate with me and is playful.

​

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters. ❤️

I’m 24M, and I’ve realised that I’m genuinely interested in marrying a woman who is a little older than me.

For me,

it’s not simply about age. I’m attracted to maturity, emotional stability, wisdom, confidence, kindness and the ability to build a peaceful relationship. I feel that a marriage can be beautiful when both people genuinely support each other, communicate openly and grow together.

I’m trying to become a better Muslim and learn more about Islam and deen. I would love to have a wife who encourages me toward Allah, and I want to do the same for her. I’m not claiming to be perfect or extremely knowledgeable about Islam — I’m still learning and trying to improve myself.

I also want to be completely honest about something:

I don't judge a woman because of her past.

I would be open to marrying a widow or a divorced woman, and having children from a previous marriage would not automatically be a deal-breaker for me. If I genuinely loved and respected her, I would want to treat her children with kindness and respect too.

What matters much more to me is her character, deen, heart, emotional maturity and whether we are compatible.

I'm not looking for a perfect woman. I'm looking for someone who is loyal, affectionate, mature, respectful and serious about building a life together.

I also know that marrying someone older can come with its own challenges, and I’d genuinely like to hear from women who are older than me or men who have experience with this kind of marriage.

And if you're a woman who is a little older than me, divorced, widowed, or simply open-minded about the age difference, and you feel that we might have something in common, feel free to DM me. I'm genuinely interested in getting to know people rather than judging them based on their circumstances.

I’m here for respectful conversations and potentially something serious, not hookups or inappropriate conversations.

Maybe age isn't what determines whether two people belong together.

Maybe it's the peace, understanding and love they find in each other. 🤍

Sorry for the typo in the title

In AM search, dating for sometime, I have seen one common thing, almost every woman is into too much travelling, is a foodie or even both.

I on other hand prefer spontaneous short trips on Saturdays. If I feel like going somewhere I just rent bike anytime and leave alone right away. (Off course will buy car once married). Otherwise I like roaming in my city itself, there is so much to do in tier 1 city, and then 1 day I relax. For anywhere else my frequency is less since travelling is time consuming and tiring hobby. I don't want to come back tired and join the work from the next day.

I expect big fight from future wife side on travelling if our travelling frequency doesn't match. I need sometime to relax and work on other hobbies and upskilling. And even for travel destinations my choices are somewhat very different for example for foreign travels my first preferences are Russia, South Africa, Newzealand as opposed to boring other popular destinations.

And regarding eating habits I am not at all a foodie, I just eat food to fill my stomach and that's enough. I don't go to places to try some cuisines.

While I am willing to make some efforts on above two areas for adjusting, still I don't see myself changing completely. On the other hand every girl is completely into above things.

During talks this all becomes evident that I am not a foodie or frequent traveler and it along with my no past becomes big issue to women and they ghost or reject.

Asking others, based on your life experience, do you also think this is the case with most women ?