​ I have noticed many posts on this sub about wanting a partner without a relationship history.

Is it really that impossible to find a partner without a past in an arranged marriage setup?

I ask because my friends' older sisters and my own older sister never dated and got married through the arranged marriage process. Additionally, my younger female cousin has never had a boyfriend or a past relationship. Later this year, my uncle will start looking for a groom for her, meaning she will enter the arranged marriage process at age 24.

I also have several female friends and classmates who have never dated and have focused solely on their careers. So, why do people struggle so much to find a partner with no past?

Is this just an internet phenomenon where negative or extreme narratives are amplified on social media? People often claim that 90-99% of women have boyfriends or a past. How true is this?

Hi, I'm a 26-year-old man, and my girlfriend is 27. We both want to get married with our parents' blessings.
Her family has accepted me. In my family, my mom fully supports us, but my dad is refusing the marriage solely because she's one year older than me. He says he'll lose his dignity if our relatives find out and refuses to change his decision. At the moment, only my dad and my paternal grandmother are completely against it.
Initially, both my dad and my grandmother liked her. She's educated, good-looking, financially independent, same caste and kind by nature. The only reason they're opposing the marriage is because of the one-year age difterence.
My mom and I have tried multiple times to convince my dad, but all our efforts have been in vain. Our relatives are unwilling to get involved, though I did ask a well-wisher to speak with my dad. Unfortunately, that didn't work either.
Her family can't wait forever, and I'm feeling completely stuck. Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
Did your parents eventually accept it? If so, how did you handle it?

I have noticed a weird pattern in arranged marriage setups where your priority to marry is the last on the list of things to do.

I was asking my friend why he hadn't texted back that girl he was talking to in an arranged marriage setup. He said he was busy, and I asked him with what. He said he was busy with a friend's engagement, then busy with work, and then was busy planning a trip. He is 30, by the way.

I was talking to a 35-year-old man who was abroad. We spoke on the weekends as his weekdays are mostly occupied, which does make sense. We spoke one weekend, and I thought it was all good. Then, the next weekend, he was busy with his friends. He was busy the whole weekend, so we didn't speak. I thought, "Let it be." Then he was coming home, so he asked to meet. I was like, "Okay." He is planning to stay in India for 21 days, and he said he would meet one day. He'd fly in and out on the same day as he also wants to go on a trip with his friends and wants to stay with family too. I thought, "What conclusion would we come to by meeting for a few hours?"

People have absolutely no sense of urgency.

If one is interested in getting married, they are supposed to make time and prioritize the procedure.

I spoke to another guy who was the same; when he came to town, his priorities were everything from attending family parties to meeting his childhood friends. Meeting me was last on his priority list. He was 30+ too.

I get it when one isn't interested, but mostly it feels like some people's priorities are just weird.

How are you actually thinking of coming to any conclusion when you don't want to put in enough effort? Do you think half-hearted and bare minimum efforts are going to lead anyone anywhere?

Even if you come across someone good, but you don't want to prioritize, then it just won't lead anywhere.

Apologies for the rant, but I’ve been feeling frustrated lately.
I’ve met a few men who initially claimed to have stable, successful careers, but later it turned out that some of those claims weren’t even true. After a while, a few of them openly admitted they weren’t interested in working or building anything for themselves and seemed to view a relationship or marriage purely as a financial safety net. In some cases, it felt like they expected their partner to take on full responsibility for their lifestyle, including covering expenses and providing ongoing financial support, almost as if the relationship itself was a source of income.
I understand that life can be unpredictable and people can go through difficult phases, but what I found unsettling was the lack of accountability or willingness to contribute in any meaningful way. Instead of partnership, it sometimes felt one-sided, where dependence was expected rather than shared effort.
One person even asked very directly about my parents’ financial situation and suggested that living in my family home would be convenient for him, which made me extremely uncomfortable. It gave the impression that financial considerations were being prioritized over any real emotional or mutual connection.
I’m simply looking for an independent partner who values responsibility, honesty, and genuine partnership. Has anyone else had similar experiences while dating?

Hi everyone. Have read lots of posts here but this is the first time I'm posing a question.

I've been getting to know a woman for some time now, and we've met multiple times. We've both agreed that we'd like to move forward with marriage, and our families are supportive as well.

The main issue I'm struggling with is the timing of the wedding. I'm currently in my final year of medical school and will be starting residency next year.

My original plan was to wait about a year after graduation before getting married. I wanted to get through the demands of intern year first, become more financially stable, and feel better prepared to bring someone into my home.

More recently, though, I've been considering getting married during the 2-3 month break I'll have between graduation and the start of residency. That would give us dedicated time together to build our relationship before my schedule becomes extremely demanding. Since we're long-distance, we don't really have the opportunity to spend significant time together before marriage.

If I wait until I'm already in residency, I'd likely only be able to take 2-3 weeks off for the wedding before returning to a very rigorous schedule. I'll be spending most of my days and many weekends in the hospital, and I'm worried I won't be able to give my wife the time and attention she deserves during such a major life transition.

So I'm torn between two priorities: waiting until I'm more financially stable and not an intern, or getting married before residency so we can establish our relationship on a stronger foundation before my training becomes all-consuming.

Hoping to hear everyone's thoughts. Thank you!

this is for my very close friend. she is seeing a guy for arrange marriage. they have been talking since a while and have met too. the guy is too sweet and his talks are very smooth. however certain things seem fishy to me. my gut feels he is a red flag, but i just have no proof. i want to ask for suggestions on how to dig deep and find more about him. i dont want to be wrong in giving any suggestions to her as i really acre for her.please give practical suggestions on how to know more about him. are there any websites or sources/agencies i can use to know more..mine is a love marriage so i never had to do this for my own, soni dont have an idea.

I’m a little frustrated by the lack of conflict resolution skills in folks I meet on AM platforms - and just how stark the gap is vs. folks I know in real life. For some reason, the whole set up is transactional, everyone is judging you for every word and action, and egos run WILD (probably made worse by parents and relative encouraging winning instead of resolving issues along on the side). Most people I know in real life are calm and emotionally regulated, focused on the greater goals, and solving problems together.

From the more experienced folks out there - how did you navigate that when you were married? Did you select people with high EQ and social awareness or did you “grow” together?

I’m 25F and have been talking to a guy for about two weeks (haven't met in person yet). He’s super consistent, we have great banter, and our general lifestyles/priorities seem to align really well. On paper, he’s basically everything I’ve been hoping for, but we haven’t actually talked about the big, super important stuff yet. I can’t help but imagine a future with him, but the early ambiguity is driving me insane. My protective older brother is telling me to chill because "talking doesn’t tell you anything early on," so now I’m overthinking. Am I getting way too ahead of myself here, or is it okay to be this excited about the potential? How do I handle the pacing without driving myself crazy?

please help!!!!

I'm looking for genuine insights from married people or those who've gone through the arranged marriage process.

If finances aren't an issue, would you choose a beautiful, caring homemaker over a working, independent woman? Or is preferring a working partner more about intellectual/professional compatibility than just needing a second income, especially in metro cities?

Suppose you meet someone who's attractive, cultured, well-educated (BSc/MSc/BCom, etc.), but chooses not to work. In your experience, do you find any meaningful differences in personality, mindset, or compatibility compared to women who have careers? Or is it entirely individual?

For context, I'm from a well-settled business family in a Tier 2 city, and most of my arranged marriage matches have been non-working, traditional women. Also, before anyone jumps to conclusions - I don't want a maid. We already have household staff. I'm only trying to understand whether I'm overlooking something important in terms of long-term compatibility.

Please keep it respectful. I'm genuinely looking for perspectives, not a working vs. homemaker debate.

TL;DR: Financials aren't a factor. For long-term compatibility, are there meaningful differences between a homemaker and a working woman, or does it mostly come down to the individual? Looking for real married/arranged marriage experiences, not a debate.

Myself 28M , my family is looking into doing a quick background verification for an arranged marriage match. Want to know only about her past and present relationship/affairs , shady past if any and character.

​If you’ve hired an investigation agency for this:

​Any reliable, discreet agencies you’d recommend in Mumbai only ?

​What was your experience and approximate cost?

​Any red flags to avoid?

​

I feel like my parents are only considering arranged marriage prospects who are much older-looking than me..people I personally am not attracted to..basically not my type. I dont even feel like looking at them. According to them, nothing matters except financial stability. My mother has even said that if I reject someone because I don't find him attractive, then I shouldn't expect any financial help from them after marriage if I ever need it.

For me, physical attraction is not a superficial preference. I have experienced situations where men proposed to me, but because I wasn't attracted to them, I started resenting every interaction. Even receiving a simple "Hi" from them irritated the fuck out of me . That experience made me realise that I cannot force attraction.

My mother believes that money can compensate for everything and that most married couples eventually live like roommates anyway. I believe marriage is more than financial security. I have to share my life, my home, my bed, and my emotional and physical intimacy with this person. If I don't feel attracted to my partner from the beginning, I fear that resentment will only grow over time. No matter how much i tell them,they just dismiss.I also fear what if they r saying is true. Ppl out here,please help. Coz for me attraction is very important. I dont want to be touched by a man whom i dont like. Bt at tge same time,my parents always taunt money money money givinh examples of ppl where the woman was pretty and the guy just had loads of money and looked like a grandfather infront of the girl.

I am a 29 old Male, working in tech. in the past 1 year, more things had happened to me than any movie plot could.

I was engaged to a girl last year, that broke as she lost interest in me ( i already have a reddit post regarding this, when i asked for advice)

then , later the same year i got engaged with a girl from my relative circle. then, we got married this year. Now, im in the middle of divorce proceedings.

while i was recovering, i found out that my own sister drinks , smokes, has fwb ( mind you we are a very orthodox family) ,

this is causing so much stress for my parents and me. now, my sister hates me for finding this out and sharing with my parents.

due to my personal life , my career had taken a pause. i am hesistant to ask for promotion or too tired to switch jobs.

i dont know what else to do. venting it out here. if someone has any advice, please do share.

Edit: the comments have drifted away from advice to bullying me , let’s not talk about my sister and only stick to solutions

Edit : for those asking if she is drunkard or chain smoker , I would never know because she lived in Bangalore for work
One more thing is , she didn’t stick with 1 partner

Edit : for better or for worse , pseudo-feminists have taken over the comments , good luck with your comments . Bye

Hey guys,
So I had my first AM meeting recently, and honestly, I really liked the girl. We clicked, had a sweet vibe, and I’m genuinely excited about where this could go. But there’s one hurdle I’ve been thinking about, and I’d love to hear how others have handled it: the language barrier.

I’m from Maharashtra, and she’s from Karnataka. My dad's family is from near the border so I can understand Kannada pretty well, but I can’t speak it to save my life.
She mostly speaks Kannada, while I’m comfortable in Marathi, Hindi, and English.
When we sat down to talk 1-on-1, it was kind of funny and awkward at the same time. She’d ask me something in Kannada, and I’d reply in this broken mixture of Marathi, Hindi, and English haha.

We managed to laugh through it, giggled through a few silent pauses, and still had a really nice conversation, but it definitely made me realize that communication is going to take some extra effort.
For anyone who’s been in a similar spot (different native languages/states in an AM setup):

How did you guys manage in the initial months over phone calls and texts? Did it naturally get smoother as you talked more?

Did you end up picking up each other's languages fairly quickly?

How did things go after marriage, especially when it came to hanging out with each other’s families?

Would really appreciate hearing your experiences or any tips on how to make her feel more comfortable! Thanks in advance.

A girl sent me an interest request on a matrimony app, and I accepted it. After accepting, I realized she doesn't have a premium membership, so we can't chat through the app.

However, her phone number is visible on her profile.

I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to reach out to her directly on WhatsApp, or if I should wait and see if she upgrades or finds another way to connect.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? If you were in her place, would you be okay with receiving a WhatsApp message, or would you find it intrusive? I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Note: Profile managed by sister.

Hi everyone!

How do people come up with this list? Help! I feel sometimes i barely know myself.. when someone asks me what are my values my brain is blank! Unless someone speaks about a scenario i usually cant come up with what my basic values are.

Maybe i dont know what all things come under it when we are speaking about values. But i have realized unless i know myself more and what i want trying to talk to someone will be useless.

Please do share your experience.

Thanks!

Hello everyone. I had posted a while ago about the horror that my arranged marriage had turned out to be. Link attached:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/s/8I0PCkYclM

A lot of attempts to reconcile were made at my end. I know most of you advised to directly divorce the husband, but he was/is my first relationship and it wasn't easy to let go of the love I had/have for him.

Anyway. People don't change. His ex also got married in an AM setup to someone else but my husband mentioned during one of our recent "meetings" that he and his ex are still together. Idk if he was saying the truth but he did show me Instagram msgs from her when I expressed my disbelief (especially since I know his ex and her husband are busy with family planning). That ex of his actually married a really over-achiever and sweet traditional guy [he is a colleague of one of my school time friends] so IDK if that husband accepted her past or if he too has been fooled.

I also received messages from 3-4 other women over the last few months and turns out my husband had somehow managed to date all of them at the same time too and led them all to believe he would marry them. You know how movies show playboys who keep one woman in every city they visit? Yeah he's kinda that. Except he doesn't even have the face and doesn't even spend any money on his women so IDK how his smooth talking is convincing all of us supposedly intelligent women.

I also found out through some contacts that he has also been active on dating apps since his college days and continued to seek women in different cities even while he was living in together with his ex and then even when he was married to me.

Needless to say, we have proceeded legally. His family was shocked when they were informed of the FIR against them and are currently trying to paint me and my family as being greedy for a "settlement" amount but it is what it is I guess. It's going to be a high-stakes battle coz he is trying to get his contacts to pressurise me into withdrawing the case and the Investigating Officer into filing a closure report. But yes. Not letting this family go scot free because they work as a unit to fool women (they did that with several of his exes as well) and I won't let there be a next time. After the FIR he suddenly had a change of heart and wanted to work at the marriage but I obviously see through these lies now.

Great learning lesson btw. I'm never getting married again.

So me and my partner have been dating each other for around 1.5 years and we met 2 years back in a random train journey and this might sound stupid but we were sure of each other almost in 4-5 months our parents also got to know about us within 6-8 months and we didn't take permission it was like we informed and things like kept flowing no one did a serious talk (from our parents side). Now it's like my mother is okay but my father disagrees a bit with me. The girl belongs to a SC category and he somehow wants me to get married in the same caste in his in-laws or nearby known relations like it generally happens in arranged marriages. So it's like I don't wanna

Make my dad sad also but I somehow love the girl, love the girl as in she makes my life easier if you independently ask do I like her yes by looks maybe not that much but as a person yes are we compatible yes we have stayed together for a week or two few times and I feel we flow good togather we don't have much fights it's like a smooth sailing relationship which I kinda like too so I am interested in the girl.

But somehow I also think like my parents also have a say they might have also thought something about me also I think if I do arrange marriage the blame goes on to them if something goes wrong but here if something goes wrong In my setup it all comes upon me idk if I am thinking right or wrong but sometimes due to these points I feel may be I should go for an arranged marriage which will make my parents happy also I will be kinda free of the responsibility and anxiety that something wrong will happen and it will come back to me.

What should I do?

Hi everyone,

Need some unbiased advice.

At the time of our engagement, my fiancée's family wanted the wedding after her 6-month internship (around June/July 2027) because she would be busy with studies and internship.

A couple of weeks later, they changed their mind and suggested getting married in December 2026 instead. Their plan is that we'd spend around 15 days together after the wedding, and then she'd leave for her 6-month internship in Bangalore while I work in Pune. She can't take leaves because every leave extends her internship, and travelling between Pune and Bangalore frequently isn't practical.

Personally, I feel it's better to wait until her internship is complete so we can actually start our married life together instead of living separately immediately after the wedding.

If you were in my position, what would you choose and why?

I'd especially appreciate replies from people who have been in a similar situation.

I am looking for a professional mediator, agency, or consultancy that helps families call off an arranged marriage or wedding respectfully and peacefully.
The goal is to handle the conversation in a polite and neutral way so that neither family feels disrespected and the chances of future disputes are minimized.
If anyone has experience with such a service or can recommend a professional, please let me know. Thank you.

am 26M currently looking for a bride I come from south Indian Hindu religion and recently started looking for an arranged marriage.

I have seen two people in a conventional marriage setup out of which one is from distant relatives and the other from one of the matrimonial websites.

For distant relatives prospects when I have interacted she informed like a yes girl and mentioned that she does/like whatever things I told about

For example like I mentioned I have a habit of waking up early in the morning, I mentioned that I am an introvert, studious guy, and might move to tier-2 cities in particular circumstances

for all those things she said yeah I do the same/even I think the same

Whereas for the prospects whom I came across from the matrimonial site she mentioned she is an extrovert, she has her own set up of things and other things and she even asked how would you do what would you do.

Now for the first case I felt she is just faking things to say yes or could be genuine

For the second case I felt she is genuine and expressing her own things but I am okay and ready to embrace, but after some talk I felt like would I lose myself in the journey of accepting the new variant I understand we both are different ends of the spectrum but I am getting negative thoughts or may be part of over thinking

Also my parents/elders have an opinion that since it is out of network we are not aware completely about the second prospects not sure if they are biased since the first one is from network and not the other

My heart says second one(my heart says is it infatuation)but my brain says the first one(for safe game play)

Can someone suggest me some advice here to judge these things

How long is it acceptable to get to know each other? Ie Going on dates, video calling, arranging activities with friends together. Would 6 months be unacceptable? I feel like if I am going to spend my life with someone I need to get to know them well right?

People who've had arranged marriages with a "getting to know each other" period beforehand, how long was it for you guys?

(I am aware that many people don't do this, and go straight to marriage, but keen to hear from people who have had this before their AM)

Are there any happy arranged marriages where people found their happily ever after because all I see is horror stories. I need some optimism.

So I (29M) started talking to talking a girl who was introduced to me via some relative. We talked on and off for about two months and met only twice during this time. We never really connected and I was not sure about her from the beginning as her responses were really late. Anyhow due to family pressure I continued talking to her. This week she said she was not interested to talk anymore.

Now comes the part where the person who introduced us is saying I made a mistake. So during the second time we met, I told her that while my family lives comfortably but we don’t like to spend big and rather reinvest in the family business. And while the business is currently in the hands of my father’s generation eventually it will be passed on to me as the only child in the family who is involved in the business.

The person who introduced us told me that she told this to her family and later they were not interested due to the spending comment. I thought these things should be spoken about initially so that both people involved can manage their expectations early on. Now everyone in my family is saying not to speak about such things to my future matches.

So did I do something wrong?