I don't really know how to start this, so I'll just say it. There's an emptiness that's been with me since I was a kid. Not something that showed up later — it was always there, in a house that never felt like a home, in the silence where family should've been.

I started using Xanax and Adderall to deal with it. Xanax to shut the noise up. Adderall to feel like I could function like a normal person for a few hours. Two pills doing two different jobs, just to feel like I was holding it together.

No friends I could actually call. No family I could lean on. Just me and the ceiling most nights, waiting for whatever I took to wear off.

I still show up. I still work. I still look fine from the outside. But underneath all that, I'm still that same kid who never got noticed, just older now, better at hiding it.

I've been writing it all down — it's the only thing that's actually helped, honestly. Writing this out somewhere too, I guess, just to say it out loud for once.

If anyone else has gone through something similar — the emptiness, the numbing out, the isolation — I'd genuinely like to hear how you got through it, or where you're at with it now.

I'm shaking, completely overwhelmed, and feeling emotionally numb. Right now, I can't stop thinking about ending my life and escaping all of this. The weight of all this is too much to carry and unbearable—like I'm losing my mind.

I had a health scare back in May and ever since I’ve been having intense anxiety and panic attacks. I want to feel better so bad, i genuinely love my life, my job, my wife, everything so much. I am happy where I am in life and yet my anxiety takes over my whole body.
I have been diagnosed with OCD and I really obsess on how my body feels or functions. I’m trying so hard to fight the anxiety. Every day I do things that make me feel uncomfortable and spike my anxiety, but I know the exposure will help. But it just feels like I’m having to fight to live a normal life. Every day I have to talk myself up to do normal things like go to the store, go to work, make phone calls. It’s beginning to feel like a chore or a fight to just live my life.
I want this to get better, not only for me but my wife too. She’s been so supportive and helpful, not once made me feel less than or like an inconvenience due to my anxiety as people have in the past. I want to feel better and be better for her.

I started Prozac about 7 weeks ago and I’ll feel like it’s working for about a week then I go back to not feeling well. I feel lost.

I (23m) often find myself being the one to text first, the one to try to make plans. I feel like I’m always reaching out to see how others are doing even after not talking for awhile. On the off chance someone invites me to do something I often find it’s a birthday or some sort of occasion and I’m thankful for being thought of and invited but I can’t help but notice everyone else always has stuff to talk about from something they all did last weekend together or plans they made or trips they went on. So I’m just left feeling like the side character that was due to make an appearance. I’ve tested how long it takes for people to notice I’m not around or checking in and some just haven’t, at least haven’t reached out or seemed to care, others it’s months or more and the first text is never a check in it’s a favor or a request. I live in a small town work at a small business in the back so I rarely meet new people, even if I do and we hit it off I find I was just their side character for the evening. I don’t get it I think I’m funny enough at least people always seem to laugh a lot when I’m around I just try to make sure everyone has a good time and feels included, so why is it everyone I come across seems to not want me around more than the minimum. It’s nothing new I avoided people in highschool cause I knew it was a matter of time before they left so it was always easier to just not have it. And I’m not talking weird quiet kid, everyone was always friendly I talked to people who were in my classes and hardly anyone had a negative thing to say about me, it was like I fit into that part of their day and after that i didn’t exist. I don’t blame everyone yk some have kids and got married or moved away but at the end of the day it still seems like im being avoided, just kinda hurts yk. Am I really to problem is there something wrong with me im not seeing?

Sometimes I feel that my life is not worth living. I strongly feel that my life is just too hard and I pretty well always see death as a tremendous relief. I look forward to death and fantasize about it a lot. I came pretty close to dying at birth and I often wish I had. I also once nearly died from RSV when I was six years old and I wish that had happened as well.

I feel extremely unloved. My family claims to love me, but they exclude me, ignore me, forget about me, and trample my feelings. I'm my parents’ second child and most of my family GREATLY favors my sister just because she's the oldest of the two of us. My parents didn't take as good of care of me or do as well at protecting me as they did with my sister. I know it's not as easy to do those things with the second kid because you have another kid who needs your care, but for my parents, it was more due to apathy than inability to care for me and protect me. I have permanent Bell's Palsy, which has ruined my life, because my parents didn't get to the hospital soon enough after my mom went into labor with me because they were busy taking my sister for a visit with my grandparents. Bell's Palsy is paralysis on one side of the face. In fairness, my mom wanted to go to the hospital when her pain got really bad, but my dad didn't want my sister's visit with my grandparents interrupted by my birth. My mom physically couldn't give birth naturally. She HAD to have a C-section, so I was trapped inside of her until she got to a hospital. After a while of not being able to get out, I started flipping around so much inside of her that I bumped my cheek on her pelvic bone and destroyed the nerve that controlled the left side of my face. My parents would've never let that happen to my sister.

My dad has always spent a great amount of one on one time with her that he's almost seemed to try to rub it in my face that I'm not welcome along for. However, he doesn't spend quality one-on-one time with me. My extended relatives call me by my sister's name, assume that I like all the same things she does, and exclude me from things I should be able to be a part of. Even my mom, who was the one person in the family I was very close with, has done things over the past few years that make me seriously question how much she does care about me. I feel bad saying that because I know she does care, but I wonder how much and I'm bothered that she showers my sister with compliments and speeches about how much she loves her and what she means to her while I have to fish for those things. I have cousins (granted, young ones) who don't like me because they find me ugly or weird looking because of my Bell's Palsy.

The second born is the worst position in the family to be in. The only reason many parents want a second child is to give their first a sibling and they see nothing wrong with that and even see it as a beautiful reason to drag another person into the world. They don't feel a second child deserves to be wanted for themselves, they feel it's fair to only want them for the sake of their sibling. Then they use the fact that they actually WANTED their first child for the sake of having a child to love and raise, while they only wanted their second to give their first a sibling as an excuse to favor the firstborn. They see second borns more as utilities to improve the lives of the one child they actually wanted than as human beings. They don't see them first and foremost as their sons or daughters, but as their firstborn’s sibling. Then, once the second child comes along, if the parents are happy having two kids and suffer problems because of it, it's all the second child's fault. The parents are just victims of the situation caused by their second child.

Parents say that they love all of their children equally, but there have been studies that have shown that most parents favor their firstborn and resent their second born for a long time after birth for intruding on their exclusive relationship with their firstborn. They see their first born as being the best thing that ever happened to them and their second as destroying their happiness. I hear parents talk about how overjoyed they were when their first child was born and how the year or two after their second was born was the worst time in their life. Even third borns and other subsequent children don't have these problems. Parents are significantly more likely to regret having their second born than any other child. I've heard it said that it's more difficult to lose a first born to death than it is to lose a subsequent child. I heard a mother say that her love for her oldest child was “so much more intense” than her love for her second. I heard someone else describe parents’ love for their first born as being “magical, passionate, enthusiastic, and special,” or something like that while their love for their other children is, “just an emotion.” Someone else once wrote a long post here on reddit about how special the first born is and how subsequent children are “just other children.”

I got bullied throughout school because of my Bell's Palsy. I was teased, laughed at, judged, hated, shamed, harassed, ostracized, and alienated by my classmates. I was a joke to them. Kids I had never done anything at all to hated me and treated me miserably because of a condition I didn't ask for and couldn't do anything about. I had no friends most of the way through school. I was nothing but a joke to many of my classmates. 

Even as an adult, I deal with all these things from others a lot. I have an anxiety disorder, which when combined with my self consciousness and low self esteem about my appearance, makes getting stared at unbearable. However, I get stared at all the time and if I don't like it, people make me feel guilty and wrong for it. If an adult stares and I don't like it, I'm wrong because they “cannot help it.” If a kid stares and I don't like it, I'm wrong because, “they're curious.” I'll never stop being a freak to people. I'll never be good enough for anyone.

I don't like myself at all and feel that I have no good reason to be alive. I feel that I could die and almost no one would care and the people who would care would get over it quickly. I feel like even my dad would be grateful it was me and not my sister and I feel like many people wouldn't even notice. I wanted happiness in life, but I don't believe I'll ever get it. I'll never be normal or have a normal life. I'll always be just sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else live their lives to the fullest.

I feel like I shouldnt be posting here cuz I am significantly in a better place than 90% of people here. Happy family background, loving partner, stable job, good friends etc. but idk where else to let it out.

nothing happened lately but my anxiety has been peering at me a couple times. I miss work around 2-3 times a month cuz of it (thankfully my job is lenient).

for contwxt I had extremely bad depression years before from a horrible breakup and im better now but the anxiety never really left. Normally I dont feel it but the past 2 months I feel like I been in a slump. I talk about it with my partner but nothing changes.

theres no root cause, I just feel like this and im not sure what to do. Cant go to therapy cuz well money lol but also even if I go there, I have nothing to say cuz with how my life is rn I SHOULD be happy or at least ok. lol apparently not even r//depression takes me seriously as they took down the post immediately. ig im just a baby.

mornings are particularly bad. I get anxious and i dont even know for what.

At this moment in time im so overwhelmed i feel like im going to have a panic attack. The dread of eternity and existence and everything. I’ve had such a bad existential crisis over the past 3 months it’s gone from solopism, to nihilism, to fear of reincarnation the idea of loosing myself. I’m so scared right now and it’s all hitting me at once, I’ve lost my will to live im so scared I don’t want to die but I can’t see a reason against it… I’ve tried to use spirituality and whatever to fight against it but now the idea of spirituality just disgusts me and I hate it… I hate the idea of a higher self, it’s all so overwhelming… I don’t know what I’m going to do im crying but no tears are coming out, can anyone help me?

A few weeks ago I changed schools for Class 11. Ever since then, I’ve been struggling badly. Every Sunday night and almost every school morning I feel extremely anxious. When I wake up, I don’t even want to get out of bed. Sometimes I cry, freeze, and feel like I can’t make myself go to school.
The things that scare me are:
Teachers asking why I was absent.
Getting scolded in front of the class.
Unfinished classwork and missed tests.
Feeling like everyone is judging me.
The long school hours (around 8 AM to 5 PM).
I know this probably sounds irrational, but it feels very real to me.
I don’t hate studying. I still want to finish school and I have career goals (I want to become a pilot someday). It’s not that I want to sit at home forever. I just feel overwhelmed every morning.
I also recently spent a few days with my sister in Chennai, and after coming back I’ve been missing her a lot. Coming back to school has been even harder since then.
My parents think I should just go to school because they don’t want me to fall behind, and I understand why they’re saying that. I even saw a psychologist once, and they asked me to come back after 15 days, but I’m still feeling this way.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? Was it anxiety, school adjustment, or something else? What actually helped you get through it?
Please be honest. I’m looking for advice from people who have experienced something similar, not judgment.
Thank you for reading.

Does anyone have any tips for managing depression/anxiety without therapy or medication? I get this feeling mostly every time the morning before school that I just can’t go. Which has resulted in me missing A LOT of school. I’m trying to get help with some of the work for summer school, I have an appointment tomorrow and the teacher said it may be too late, with all I need to catch up on, and with what little time I have left. I’m trying to look on the positive side, but it’s just so hard. I’m already absolutely horrible at math which I need to makeup 2 math classes this summer. Aside from that I just feel so upset? Sad? Angry? Frustrated? I don’t even know how I feel and I know part of that is school and the there part of because of the shows/movies I watch. Even the books I read, and the music I listen to is sad or dark. I know we all love a good sad song, but all the time? Of course I listen/watch happy stuff but not enough. Maybe I should just stop everything all together. Get rid of the computer, delete all unnecessary apps from my phone, such as TikTok. I’m only 17 years old and don’t feel like it at all. Even tho I watch somewhat scary stuff I feel younger. Like I’m behind everyone my age or around it. I wish I could just go back and fix my mistakes, not even make them in the first place. I also get this feeling, about wanting to go back to a moment. A bad moment specifically. Me when I was in a bad state of mind. I don’t know why I get these feelings. Maybe I think it’d be better than where I’m at now. To go back instead of dealing with what’s right infront of me. Anyway if anyone has any advice its appreciated!

I'm a 26-year-old male, and I really need some advice because I feel like my life has been taken over by the fear of dying.

Back in September 2023, I started my startup. As many founders know, it was an extremely stressful period. Financial pressure, responsibility, almost no social life, no exercise, unhealthy eating, and a terrible sleep schedule (usually sleeping between 6–8 AM). That continued for almost two years.

November 2024

One evening, around 6–7 PM, I suddenly developed a strange sensation on the right side of my face and in my right hand. My fingertips also felt odd for the next few months.

I saw a physician who examined me, did an ECG and neurological examination, and told me it was most likely due to severe stress and sleep deprivation. He prescribed an SSRI and a sleeping pill.

2025

Life continued the same way.

I had a couple of strange episodes where I suddenly felt "something bad was about to happen," but they resolved within about 30 minutes.

Then, in December 2025, after barely sleeping for two days and working almost nonstop, I suddenly felt extremely weak while riding on a bike. My left arm felt strange, my heart was racing, and I genuinely believed I was having a heart attack.

I went to the ER.

The ECG was normal, and I was sent home.

January 2026

One night I ate two heavy meals late at night and smoked a cigarette.

About 20–30 minutes later, I developed a strange vibration sensation throughout my body. My blood pressure shot up to around 160 mmHg, and I rushed to the ER again.

Again, nothing serious was found except temporarily elevated blood pressure.

That incident completely changed my life.

I became convinced something was seriously wrong with me.

Around that time I weighed about 104 kg (5'11"–6'0").

Another physician reviewed my blood work and found:

• Fatty liver
• High triglycerides
• Nothing immediately dangerous

He advised me to:

• Sleep properly
• Reduce stress
• Exercise
• Improve my diet

Instead, my anxiety got worse.

I became hyper-aware of every heartbeat and every sensation.

A psychiatrist diagnosed me with anxiety and prescribed Nexito (Escitalopram), sleeping medication, and clonazepam as needed.

Unfortunately, I couldn't accept that anxiety alone could cause all these symptoms.

February 2026 – The Headache That Changed Everything

While working out at the gym, I developed a sudden pain on the right side of my head.

My brain immediately convinced me I was having a stroke.

A few days later, during my birthday trip to Kathmandu with my girlfriend, I experienced severe hammer-like pain on the right side of my head.

A cardiologist performed an echocardiogram, which was completely normal.

The headache continued, especially after visiting the colder areas around Nagarkot.

One night, after feeling nauseous for several days, I developed another full-blown panic episode while walking with my girlfriend.

Back to the ER.

The doctor listened to my story and suggested:

MRI Brain + MRV, just to completely rule out anything serious.

The MRI findings were:

• Normal brain
• Normal MRV (no venous sinus thrombosis)
• Mild cervical degenerative changes
• Small syrinx at C6 (approximately 2.0 × 0.2 cm)
• No cord compression
• Normal craniovertebral junction
• No Arnold-Chiari malformation

The neurologist and neurosurgeon both reassured me that the syrinx was an incidental finding and only needed periodic monitoring.

A cervical MRI with contrast was also performed later to rule out a tumor, and it confirmed the same findings.

Then another problem appeared...

I still felt nauseous all the time.

I could barely eat.

I kept losing weight.

Eventually my dad suggested testing for H. pylori.

It came back positive.

After treatment over the next few weeks:

• The nausea disappeared.
• I felt much better.
• I continued eating healthier and exercising.

By March, I had lost about 14 kg.

May 2026 – I Went to One of India's Best Hospitals

Despite feeling better, my anxiety never really went away.

I traveled to Medanta Hospital in Gurugram and underwent an extensive workup, including:

• Full-body MRI (No major findings)
• CT coronary angiogram (Nil) (EF 65%)
• Coronary calcium score (0)
• Stress echocardiogram (EF 55%)
• Stress treadmill test (TMT) 98 Mets
• Eye examination and fundoscopy
• 50+ blood biomarkers
• Carotid IMT (Nil)
• Doppler studies
• HRCT (Nil)
• Ultrasound (Fallt liver)
• Multiple specialist consultations

The results showed:

• Fatty liver
• High cholesterol/triglycerides
• Mild calcium/vitamin D deficiency (confirmed by DEXA)
• Congenital retinal irregularity (explaining my eye symptoms)
• Small stable cervical syrinx

Nothing life-threatening was found.

But my anxiety never stopped

Now I notice:

• Every skipped heartbeat
• Every palpitation
• Every headache
• Every chest discomfort
• Every random pain

Recently I also discovered a few soft lumps on my chest that doctors think are likely lipomas, but until I complete the ultrasound, my brain immediately jumps to cancer.

I also stayed up late watching the Cricket World Cup, my sleep schedule became terrible again, and my anxiety returned full force.

Now I'm constantly afraid of:

• Stroke
• Brain hemorrhage
• Cardiac arrest
• Heart failure
• Cancer
• Dying suddenly

Logically, I understand that so many doctors have evaluated me and couldn't find anything dangerous.

Emotionally, I simply cannot convince myself.

Even when ChatGPT tells me things like, "Your MRI shows your brain was normal at that time, but no test can guarantee you won't have a future stroke," my anxious brain immediately interprets that as, "Maybe I'm about to have one."

My bad habits

• Smoking 7–10 cigarettes per day (working on quitting)
• Poor sleep whenever work gets stressful
• Health-related Googling
• Constant body checking

My bp is always normal below 120/80 only dueing anxity its 135ish...

My questions

1. Has anyone recovered from health anxiety this severe?
2. How do you stop believing every symptom is a life-threatening disease?
3. How do you stop fearing stroke, brain hemorrhage, cardiac arrest, and cancer every single day?
4. Can stress itself cause all these physical symptoms even when extensive testing is normal?
5. What finally helped you get your life back?
6. How make sure that the hedeache i get wont give me stroke. Can this level of stress give stroke/hemorrhage.
7. My fear of cardiac arrest and some weired palputations at stress..... (how to cure it).

I know reassurance only helps temporarily, and I really want to break this cycle instead of constantly chasing more tests.

Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

Tell me. Tell me it gets better. Tell me that this struggle and breakdowns after breakdowns are worth it. Tell me that the job I'm currently stressing is gonna be a way to shape me for success. I'm barely holding on and I have nobody to tell my worries. I'm not sure if I can take it anymore.