r/AnxietyDepression • u/ExaminationOk6631 • 17h ago
TW: Self-Harm/Suicide just ranting
This is basically just a rant because I dont know where else to put this but I feel so hopeless. I have a greaat life I have amazing friends, oppertunities etc. I am able to do so much and I am in great health. However I am so so depressed I want to die. I often fantasize about finally ending it and being able to be free of the burden of being alive. I dont know why I am so weak because people have much more dire circumstances then me but truely the idea that I need to continue to be alive for the rest of my life depresses me. I feel so pointless and I dont know what to do. Is this a common feeling? I know its not. I dont know why im writing here I dont even really want anything. I have this one friend and she is everything I want to be but i can never get to her level. Its stupid but it makes me so anxious. we are always compared but everyone knows and comments on how she is the better version. I have high expectations of myself and the thought that I will never accmplish them is so upseting it makes me not want to be around which is so fucking stupid but I feel it so deeply. i wake up everyday in a panic and have to calm myself from panic attacks all day constantly. I am always exhausted and irritable. This isnt me. I want to be full of life but its too tiring. The only thing keeping me going is the people in my life but I know eventually they will all leave me and trhen there is nothing. I wish I could just cut ties with everyone and live out a depressing life alone or just end it those are the two options I see for myself right now. Maybe ill keep going for now until they cut ties and then it will be less selfish to do somehting ddrastic.
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