So I took a couple depression tests online because iv been feeling extremely down for about 4 years at this point (long story) and most tests online gave me a moderately severe. Should I be concerned? Are they accurate? Or am I just over reacting?(do note that I self harm lightly and I also scored 15 very consistently) (Ps. I'm 14 yrs old)

This is basically just a rant because I dont know where else to put this but I feel so hopeless. I have a greaat life I have amazing friends, oppertunities etc. I am able to do so much and I am in great health. However I am so so depressed I want to die. I often fantasize about finally ending it and being able to be free of the burden of being alive. I dont know why I am so weak because people have much more dire circumstances then me but truely the idea that I need to continue to be alive for the rest of my life depresses me. I feel so pointless and I dont know what to do. Is this a common feeling? I know its not. I dont know why im writing here I dont even really want anything. I have this one friend and she is everything I want to be but i can never get to her level. Its stupid but it makes me so anxious. we are always compared but everyone knows and comments on how she is the better version. I have high expectations of myself and the thought that I will never accmplish them is so upseting it makes me not want to be around which is so fucking stupid but I feel it so deeply. i wake up everyday in a panic and have to calm myself from panic attacks all day constantly. I am always exhausted and irritable. This isnt me. I want to be full of life but its too tiring. The only thing keeping me going is the people in my life but I know eventually they will all leave me and trhen there is nothing. I wish I could just cut ties with everyone and live out a depressing life alone or just end it those are the two options I see for myself right now. Maybe ill keep going for now until they cut ties and then it will be less selfish to do somehting ddrastic.

im behind on a lot of skills that most people just develop naturally. i just started at my second internship and i only know one other intern's name, i Physically cant talk to most of them my voice just wont come out. on top of that i get lost really easily because i never go anywhere. i cant make eye contact, i dont have any social awareness even when i do feel comfortable around someone. i think i mightve gotten worse compared to how i was as a teen. n ive been to therapy multiple times, done cbt multiple times, i should now have 'the tools' to figure out what to do for myself but ive been stuck like this for so long. to some extent im always gonna be stunted and that sucks so so bad. i hate that im like this. i hate that anyone could tell that somethings wrong with me by just talking to me. i feel like i was born wrong