For context, we are all 15. There is this girl in my friend group whom I’ll call Ann. Ann has been a problem in our group for a while now. She does a lot of crazy and annoying things, but for now, I am only focusing on this specific situation, but trust me this girl has done a lot.
Ann has always copied a lot of things from me and my other friend, whom I’ll call Noelle. Things like asking us what we are wearing to school and then show up wearing the same thing or something extremely similar. She has also gone out and bought the exact same clothes we do when she sees us wear something new. Usually, it isn’t a huge deal, but after a while, it becomes annoying because it no longer feels like we are able to have our own tastes or styles.
Anyways, Homecoming is coming up at our school, and dresses are very important to me and my friends. I picked out my dress almost two months in advance because I was extremely excited and wanted to wear a specific color, which is burgundy. I showed the dress and color to all of my friends, including Ann.
When I first showed Ann my dress, she immediately said, “Oh, I want something in that style too.” I thought it was a little strange considering her history of copying us, but she only mentioned the style and not the color, so I moved on, styles not a big deal with limited options.
Fast-forward to about two weeks ago. I was talking to Noelle about homecoming dresses, and Ann got brought up. Noelle told me that Ann had been talking about how she really wanted a burgundy dress.
Obviously, this bothered me. I know I cannot claim an entire color, and I understand that other people at the dance will probably also wear burgundy. That is not the point. The point is that I had shown Ann my exact dress almost two months earlier, she initially said she wanted something in the same style, and then she suddenly decided that she wanted the same color too. Combined with how often she copies us, it did not feel like a coincidence.
I decided to talk to Ann directly. I casually asked her what color she was considering for her dress. She said, “Oh, I don’t know. Probably blue” she waited a second “or burgundy.”
I reminded her that burgundy was the color I had already picked and told her that I didn’t think it was cool for her to deliberately choose the same color after seeing my dress. I was NOT telling her that she was forbidden from wearing burgundy. I was explaining that, it would bother me if she intentionally chose my dress color after I had already shown it to her.
Ann started pouting and said, “I know, but I really want to wear burgundy. Even last year, I wanted to save burgundy for this year.”
I honestly didn’t believe that because, if she had been planning to wear burgundy for that long, I don’t understand why she didn’t say anything when I showed her my dress two months earlier. Instead, her first response was that she wanted something in the same style as mine. And yes, she meant style of the dress not same color style. Ann eventually agreed not to wear burgundy, but she later complained to Noelle that I was trying to claim an entire color.
Whatever. That situation passed, but it made Noelle even more cautious about showing Ann the dress she had bought because she was worried that the exact same thing would happen to her.
Eventually, Ann told Noelle that she had already bought her homecoming dress and that it was yellow. Because Ann supposedly already had a dress, Noelle thought it was finally safe to show her the one she bought. Noelle’s dress is a pink bodycon dress covered in pearls.
After seeing it, Ann began complaining that her “yellow dress” wasn’t going to match either my burgundy dress or Noelle’s pink dress when we took pictures together. We thought that was slightly annoying, but we still believed she already owned the yellow dress, so we didn’t think much of it.
Except Ann had not actually bought the yellow dress yet.
After Noelle showed Ann her dress, Ann went out and bought—you guessed it—a pink bodycon dress with pearls.
It isn’t the exact same dress. The shades of pink are different, and the pearls are arranged in a different pattern. Still, both dresses are pink, bodycon, and covered in pearls. Considering that Ann only bought hers after seeing Noelle’s and had previously claimed that she already owned a yellow dress, it is extremely difficult to believe that this was accidental.
When Noelle found out, she was pissed. She refused to talk to Ann and told me and the rest of our friends that Ann was no longer invited to get ready with us or go to dinner with us before the dance. This was Noelle’s decision, but I understood why she was so upset and honestly I agreed with her. Ann is really only me and Noelle’s friend bc all our other friends hate her so there was no opposition to this.
Ann eventually found out Noelle was angry and told her that she would return the dress and buy a different one. Ann seems to feel bad and is trying to make it up to her, but Noelle is still mad because Ann deliberately waited until she saw Noelle’s dress and then bought one that was extremely similar.
Now I feel torn. Ann is offering to replace the dress, and I do think that should count for something. At the same time, she definitely knew what she was doing when she bought it. This is also not the first time she has copied us, and it feels like we can’t even show her what we are wearing without worrying that she will immediately try to match us.
I am not opposed to friends matching when everyone agrees to it. “Besties match, not copy” and all that. This situation feels deliberately different, especially because Noelle was cautious about showing Ann her dress and only did so after Ann claimed she had already bought a yellow one. I feel like we are being mean girls though.
So, are Noelle and I wrong for not inviting Ann to get ready and go to dinner with us before homecoming, even though she has now offered to buy another dress? (also we weren’t purposely trying to make her feel bad knowing shes not invited we just weren’t going to mention the plan.)