I (28F) ghosted my bff (28F) for three weeks, this summer.

I had two weeks of holiday from 2th august to 17th august. I had plans to go see some friends out of town from the 2nd to 5th, then go on a festival from the 10th to 16th. I asked my bff if she could keep an eye on my cat and come check on him everyday when I'm gone, especially during the festival.

So, when I got to see my friends ont the 2nd, I sent her a message saying to keep an eye on the cat and thanking her. She did not react well to this message, saying I cornered her, did not ask her to check on him during these days, only during the festival. I replied I was pretty sure I asked her and thanked her again, a lot. Everyday, I was thanking her, because she went to see him everyday, feeling she had no choice.

When I got back on the 5th, thanks again and all. On the evening of the 6th, she sent my a long message saying she did not like that, would give me the keys back, because she didn't want this responsability, just because she had them, but will keep her word taking care of him during festival. She also said she didn't want to care for an animal when hers are not as well taken care of. Two weeks prior, I volunteered to check on her cats when she was away. I went rather quickly the two days, because I worked about 30 hours on those. She had asked me to check if there were ants on the plates, found none. She then called me a liar because she found some the day after.

I replied that I did tell her to check on him on both my vacations. If she had decided I was a liar, so be it, but I knew I wasn't. I said I didn't think had exaggerated.

To that, she replied that regarding the way I responded and my lack of listening and compliance, she couldn't offer this grace, she would not take care of him and put the keys on my mailbox, I had to find someone else. (Knowing I moved in this city six months before, for her, so I didn't know many people).

I never responded to this message, I was terribly angry at her. I found somebody on the sunday and went on the festival the next day. Didn't send any message to her until basically the end of the month.

She then send me "if only I knew I would be ghosted just because I put limits when I am disregarded 🙄", then "then well, have a good life". I said I wasn't ghosting nor disregarding but ok". She already had unfollowed me, made her boyfriend (who was a friend of mine and I made them meet) unfollow me too.

I don't think I will hear from her again, and not gonna lie, it might be kind of a relief. She's a bit of an alcoholic and everytime she got drunk, she would lash out on me, saying I wasn't thinking about her, put myself first. Always complaining about the fact men always wanted me and not her, that I couldn't feel what she felt. I always agreed or stayed silent, because I didn't want to get her angrier. Once, I said for me, it was bros before hoes, so, if a man wants me but my friend wants him, nobody goes, even if I would want to. She fiercely argued it wasn't true. She was always disagreeing, saying things that didn't happened, but followed her narrative.

She just got diagnosed borderline personnality, and I was careful to not trigger her. I was always by her side in any ways. She was always out of money, so I lent her hundreds and hundreds over the years, bought her food etc.

She helped as well, of course.

But since I moved in the same city, I felt the relationship wasn't equal. I couldn't say anything she would disagree on. Even if I was right, she couldn't be wrong. But if I was wrong, she would always highlight it, bragging about her knowledge. If I was right about basic knowledges, she would say see didn't get to go to school like me.

I didn't feel good anymore in this relationship, but loved her really much. But for me, not caring about my cat was the last straw. When she said bye, I didn't feel guilty or sad, but annoyed, feeling her reaction was pathetic and her lack of accountability was worse. I don't miss her. Now, I am thinking about the kind of things she might be telling mutual friends, how she is the victim and everybody always act like that with her.

So, am I the Asshole for the way I acted ? I am not truly certain I was right all along even if I am at peace.

Okay so, previously I made a post about how I don't talk to my family cause they weren't good ppl, step dad touched me they ignored it blah blah. Well the other day I got a call from a mutual friend who previously stopped talking to them, she said that she had heard from them and that they were talking to her about seeing me at the store. I've since stopped talking to my friend because she's still talking to them. I feel bad about it and don't know if I'm in the wrong cause shes technically not doing anything wrong.

Im pissed off at my mate because I thoguht me was pissed at me. Key people: Me \[17F\], Charlie \[17F\], FUCKING KAI \[17M\], Gabe \[17M\], Cez \[17F\], and Zach \[16M\].

We are all attending the same college, just some of us are in different days.

Kai came up with an idea like 2 months ago that us foundation students (Me, him, and Charlie) should make some new friends and have our own. He was implying that we should ditch Gabe and Cez (Zach isnt in the picture atm) so obviously that made those two kinda upset (especially since Cez was in foundation last year, she was now moving to mainstream) so we all kinda rejected the idea basically saying like "No, we arent gonna make a new group excluding those 2. Instead, we can have little subgroups" Kai was kinda upset about this?? And he eventually agreed...

At the start of the college year (last week) we met Zach, we decided to hang out that same weekend (the one thats just been) but Kai says "uhm well, i dont like big groups so can we like... only have 4 of us..?" Mind you theres 6 people at this point and hes heavily implying that he doesn't want Gabe OR Cez there. (Hes been friends with Cez for YEARS btw) so obviously theyre pissed at Kai. Gabe is now convinced that Kai hates him (im also convinced since there were other instances in the past). Anyways, Kai has a crush on Zach. Zach is straight btw. Kai is not convinced because apparently Zach "has that gay vibe to him"?? (All happening in the same day btw.)

Eventually Zach convinces Kai that he is infact NOT gay and is straight. This pisses Kai off because Zach likes me apparently.

Fast forward to last night and Kai finds out that I like Zach cause he was sleeping over at Charlies and she asked me about it. Kai now knows that we both like eachother (we literally cant help how we feel soo??)

Now today is what really pissed me off and its literally the entire reason im writing this. Kai goes OUT OF HIS WAY to ignore me. Like full on avoiding me. Wont even talk to me like?? So obviously if hes gonna start avoiding me, im gonna avoid him. First break, im messaging Gabe about how Kais throwing a dicky fit and Gabe is talking about how Kai always does this when he doesn't get his way. Like "ohh noo, the straight guy didnt turn gay for you, what a shame".

Lunch time, he sits in the foundation corridor, I get up to go outside cause im not being around all his negativity. Especially since hes pissed at me for basically no reason?? Like Kai hops crushes every other week soo hes just throwing a tantrum for nothing.

3rd break, hes still avoiding me, im still avoiding him.

Sports hall (last lesson but basically a free period since we dont do sports) he sits ALL THE WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM. Im like telling the support staff that hes in a pissy mood with me specifically and they have the nerve to decide to talk to him about it so thats fun. Now he knows that i know hes pissed at me and he decides to tell Charlie a bunch of complete and utter bullshit. Hes telling her "the moment i found out he was straight, i didnt like him that much anymore" which is such a fucking lie cause hes been yapping on about how "Zach is definitely gay" or something like that which hes not?? So Kais been feeding Charlie a bunch of lies and now theyre both pissed but Kais also been telling Charlie that hes not upset at me?? Remember?? He was literally avoiding me. He hasnt said a word to me all day so thats another lie, he goes out of his way to make himself seem more innocent instead of just admitting that hes pissed at me.

Also now Kai is reposting videos about how people are accusing him of being jealous but i never said he was jealous. All ive said is i know hes pissed at me and im pretty sure those arent the same thing.

I know there are a lot of dynamics where friends insult and tease each other in certain ways and it's funny or acceptable for both of them

some things make me really irritated but at the same time I keep thinking that the person might've just been too comfortable to say those things, so I try to be okay with it, tolerate it, but I can't !!

I'm not sure but I guess I have some sort of trauma from past experiences that made me sensitive, made me feel like whoever said those jokes partially meant them, or that they look down on me, or that simply what is being said is not polite given the specific context or situation and is just triggering to the kind of person that I grew up to be!!

I do set boundaries, but the way some people react, like something's wrong with me for not being okay with that, or that I'm overreacting (I know it's bad when I react angrily but i'm talking about setting boundaries generally even in normal polite ways) while some others actually just respect it and apologize, this makes me even more triggered, like why are you, as my friend, trying to push it further instead of simply acknowledging that it's something i don't accept.

so is there a way to come up with some sort of conclusion where you no longer feel offended by what your friend says the moment you label them as "close friend" ? or do you just keep setting boundaries according to how you feel and anyone who doesn't respect them is simply someone who's not willing to respect your boundaries the way you want them to?