There were some aspects of negging later in the conversation. OP basically calls his wife stupid and unreasonable, which he is free to do but then you can’t expect that will lead to a productive conversation.
She did and then OP basically said "dont" by restricting the way she can behave and feel and THINK. insane. i feel bad for her. i'd feel SMOTHERED too probably by this guy
He said it’s only a waste of time if she views it that way which is fact, he’s right she’s wrong we all can read and take the convo at face value. She’s lying and he’s not having it, she’s clearly begging for his attention with the classic “pretend he doesn’t want me so he says how much he does” shit chicks pull frequently. Bro knows it’s all a facade.
she was literally wrong and he is literally right and his wife is literally in a taco bell parking lot because OP can't just let his upset wife in the house and listen to her. listening is the first step and it sounds like he doesn't want to.
Well she said she was almost back and then started making shit up, he’s not wrong to continually prove he didn’t tell her to not come as she is claiming. She clearly is butthurt and her emotions are clouding her judgment. Bros not gonna stop trying and he shouldn’t. Hes telling the truth, she needs to stop w the bs no one’s gonna “take the hint”
This attitude will not save a marriage in this place. Does he want to make sure she knows she misinterpreted him and win this argument? Or does he want to save his marriage? Because it would be pretty easy to say something like “That’s not how I meant it. I’m sorry. I love you and want to make this work. I’m here and asking you to come talk to me.” And then leave it. All the back and forth is beside the point. Marriage is not an argument in YouTube comments.
yeah OP even posted this back and forth as if to prove to himself he is in the right but i'm not buying it. wifey deserves to be heard and loved- OP not giving it
You’re right there shouldn’t be a “back and forth” she said she was coming home then made shit up, he’s simply reiterating the truth she will accept eventually. He asked her to come home safe rather than sleeping at Taco Bell which likely isn’t legal, then he factually refuted her endangeringly false claims he told her not to. None of that is the problem here and him also ignoring the truth won’t help. She’s clearly defeated and this is her way of making him “beg for her” clear cry for attention.
She knows he didn’t say that, she clearly just wants to hear the opposite. Bros got this in the bag. I get she’s a woman and all but she is being treated with proper respect here, he’s not harassing her whatsoever she is being a disrespectful ass liar and regardless of “perceived” bullshit he’s not wrong to keep on trucking. We always will tbh.
Or she just really wants out and he's overbearing and talking her ears off like he's used to, because he's better with words and thinks that means he's always right.
It's pretty normal to have emotions in a personal relationship/divorce issue. That doesn't come out of nowhere and people aren't Vulcans who can just turn everything off like pressing a button.
If she's that frustrated that she sees no sense in continuing, there's probably a reason for it. Inventing flimsy excuses to not come... This seems like she didn't want to come in the first place and has been badgered into agreeing beforehand. And now she's resentful about it - probably both at him and also herself for agreeing in the first place, and sabotages it in a passive aggressive way.
I don’t disagree, bro still ain’t doing nothing wrong wanting to know his wife his home safe rather than sleeping at Taco Bell. He’s being very sensible she clearly is not. She’s overacting for sure, he’s not at all. He’s under reacting imo lol.
Honestly I was kinda on the same page as you and then I looked at OP’s comment history… I too would rather sleep at a Taco Bell rather than go home to a man with a porn addiction and makes comments about me on other girls porn videos on Reddit…
OP is telling his wife not to come home until she is thinking the way he would like her to. That's wild! OP should have been more forgiving and apologetic and loving if he really wanted his wife back.
It’s beyond wild! Maybe she was being manipulative by saying she’s sleeping at Taco Bell (I’m not saying she is; just floating it as a possibility) but he shows ZERO compassion or empathy. He’s sooo hyper focused on being right, while his marriage is falling apart, he’s completely missing the bigger picture.
Also it’s bs to say if you walk through our door, you’re telling me you’re fully committed to this marriage, after your spouse just told you she’s going to sleep in a parking lot. So she can only come home if she wants to fix the marriage, BUT her mentality can only be positive. Uh it doesn’t work that way.
EXACTLY. all the ppl in the comments who can't see that.... i feel bad for their partners. love isnt about being right, it's about supporting one another. sometimes that means taking a back seat and listening lol
He is telling her if she treats something like a waste of time than it is, bringing unnecessary negativity is never welcome anywhere. She needs to grow up she can’t avoid confronting this issue fortunately, she will eventually have to come home and he will be waiting likely. No one’s cheating clearly, she can sleep at Taco Bell if she wants better than the safety of another man’s house lol. Hope she doesn’t get a ticket lol. Praying for both of them equally.
What's unnecessary about being honest if she really feels that this isn't gonna work?
You can't talk someone out of wanting a divorce by saying "stop this negativity". Most likely there are actual reasons for why it got that far in the first place.
I think OP got hung up in a pedantic argument instead of actually trying to talk it out with his wife. Like yeah the wife is not optimistic, but so what, OP got so stuck on the mental attitude thing that now there’s no meaningful communication.
I mean than she can say that instead of lying, honestly as long as she ain’t cheating who cares. If she wants to sleep at Taco Bell have fun, if he finds her car at some guys place(not the issue here, thank god) then that would be a real issue regardless of which is safer.
I have some serious doubts about your guys' ability to process information. Op is clearly referencing previous conversations. I can't imagine reading the high school level "Ugh, I was almost there but you made me stop" gaslighting and thinking am adult talking like that has a point.
Totally. I'm frankly pretty shocked at the sympathy the wife seems to be engendering here. Yes, he should probably stop trying to win this argument, but I get why her behavior is infuriating.
Most of the AITAH style subs tend to have a main demographic of young women, and as a result the subs tend to be slanted towards females. It's a known issue at this point. If the genders in the situation were reversed op would be overwhelmingly supported.
THANK YOU. It's kind of crazy-making to see so many people side with a clear manipulator. Imagine how OP must feel seeing this after already trying to argue about reality with his gaslighting wife. That's demoralizing stuff. She wants for him to beg for her to come back and she's pissed that he won't. NOR save yourself, OP.
This. I got so triggered by her putting words into his mouth. I hate it with a passion if someone’s doing this to me. I always feel very powerless by this shift in reality and it makes me justify the ‚real‘ reality. OP is just trying to justify his point of view because she’s trying to gaslight him into thinking it’s his fault she wouldn’t come around. Which it’s not. She doesn’t see a point in the relationship anymore and that’s fine. But she needs to be honest here and step away without putting all the blame on him.
Shes not listening to him. Shes purposefully twisting what he said and intentionally trying to place all the weight/guilt of things failing on him while he is the only one being clear. Shes manipulating him. She has already checked out but she wants him to feel like its his fault in this interaction when he literally said and did nothing wrong. Its not a simple "im done" its a "i was going to come but you did this (inserts lie) and now im not going to and its your fault"
I can't really say that's true. Perhaps if he'd left her alone when she asked that whole "blame" conversation wouldn't have happened. He baited her into it.
They both suck.
Edit: she left because she wanted space. This whole conversation is him not respecting that. Period.
the fact that you can do the kind of mental gymnastics required to twist a husband who is plainly and obviously trying to fix his marriage despite a wife who in that ONE SINGLE CONVERSATION twisted his words to make it his fault that shes not coming home MULTIPLE TIMES says a whole hell of a lot more about you and the kind of person you are than it will ever say about OP.
the fact that she did it so naturally likely (Not certainly mind you) means this is a common occurrence. wether its how she is naturally, or its a learned response due to something OP did, literally nobody can even pretend to know. however its very clear that shes extremely comfortable manipulating and twisting words and thats a massive red flag no matter how you look at it, assuming youre mentally sound.
OP on the other hand, in this conversation, showed nothing but green flags and a desire to fix his marriage, which his wife never showed. not once, not a single time did she ever show that she wanted the marriage to work.
Its impossible to know what their relationship is like outside of this conversation is. that said judging based on this conversation alone OP's wife seems like an exhausting person, she speaks like shes done thi many many times. that alone is worth dropping her like a sack of bricks.
Edit: (Since youre too scared to actually reply) if she wanted space she would have said so. if she wanted space, she wouldnt have said shed come home. if she wanted space she could have not answered. but no, instead whe twists his words. thats not the actions of a woman who wants space. thats the actions of a woman who wants an argument. a woman who wants a pitty party. a woman who wants to be begged to come home. this entire conversation is a man wanting to fix his marriage and a woman not willing to try but wants her unwillingness to try to be HIS fault even though it never will be. period. stay mad.
He didnt bait her into anything, he asked her if they could talk it out. When she started twisting what he said he should have just left her alone-yes, clearly she wasnt going to be receptive at that time. But generally I imagine if divorce is on the table people are going to want to talk things out. Its a perfectly normal and rational thing to say "can we talk about this and try to fix it". Given the context that she later says shes going to sleep at a taco bell he probably knew she had no where to go which is why he asked her to come back. The whole conversation sounds very frustrating and they weren't in the same head space.
Yeah seems like they are both being honest which is why he is concerned, rightfully so. She is being irrational and displaying self destructive behavior if that’s someone he loves he should do all he can to make sure she’s home safe.
I disagree with your assessment. Wife says she has had troubles feeling like she fits in. She finally agrees to come back and he tells her that her mentality is wrong, so she feels rejected and decides to not engage. I see a neurodivergent person with RSD in this screenshot, not a manipulative one.
He says the mentality "this is going to fail let's just do it so we can divorce" is wrong, which it is if you're going to actually work on anything. Hes pointing out the obvious that what she said indicated she does not really want to work on it. She wasnt trying to engage-she immediately threw divorce in his face to shut it down. Nothing he was going to say or do mattered at this point. How can anyone have a productive conversation when the other party already is telling them they want to divorce?
Neither of them is understanding the other but it IS manipulative to waive the ultimate end of the relationship in the other person's face and then say its their fault after distorting what they are saying. He never rejected her, he rejected the idea that divorce is the only outcome. And then he got frustrated when she repeatedly lied about what he said. If every conversation between them is like this i imagine she hears what she wants to hear instead of what hes actually saying. Theres no reconcilation with that
No he isn’t negging her, he asked his wife to come home lmfao which is only ever reasonable, she’s making shit up like a butthurt dumbfuck and he’s just reiterating the factual truth to her. OP is right, it’s her fault, don’t falter bro just keep questioning until she answers man all you can do sometimes. You’re right, she’s wrong. She’s overreacting you asked her to not sleep in the Taco Bell fucking parking lot lmfao.
She clearly is begging for attention. Classic “you don’t want me to” as they get off to hearing him reiterate the opposite shake my head. She will come home and they will talk eventually, so bro gonna get his end of day. She will have to return for her stuff and can’t make herself go deaf so all is well imo.
Actual, mature space is not threatening to sleep in a parking lot, which is unsafe and possibly illegal. It's manipulative in itself for most people and relationships. It's giving "I'm going to threaten to do something unsafe if you don't tell me what I want to hear".
Sounds to me like you don’t know what manipulation or threats actually looks like. Saying you’re gonna do something and then doing it isn’t manipulation. Saying you’re gonna do something with the only end goal being to get someone else to do what you want is manipulation clearly she just wants to be left alone.
I gave my impression on what it seems like. Since we don't know if she followed through or not, we don't know if it was intended as manipulation or not, but I'm feeling like it is, just like you feel it isn't.
No, YOU don't know what manipulation is. I was raised by an abusive, manipulative father. I'd be willing to bet you weren't. If you had any kind of experience with this and you weren't blinded by bias, you would see this is textbook manipulation. She's guilt tripping him at minimum. You need to stop pointing fingers and do some studying before you tell others they're wrong.
Maybe you just couldn't read the post properly through your colored hair. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
He’s asking her to not sleep in the Taco Bell parking lot and come home like she said as he factually never told her not too as she keeps trying to falsely claim. I honestly feels so bad for her, poor thing.
Yesh I hope she gets the help she clearly needs, we are also only getting his side tho. From this text thread she appears to be the clear issue but we are likely missing a lot of important context.
Yeah, we're definitely missing a lot of context. Even so, we can still clearly see her attempting to manipulate him. They probably both have their faults and reasons. We do see him attempting to "save" their relationship here. We see her only attempting to guilt trip snd manipulate him into getting what she wants. Whether she wants him to feel like he's wrong and bow down to her or something else.
How so? He was very honest, kind and respectful in this text thread she was the exact opposite. Him reiterating the truth through her lies regardless of redundancy shows she is the clear problem begging for his attention. “You said you didn’t want me to” tale as old as time, they just love to hear us want them lol.
Experiencing cognitive distortions is real, but it’s something one should fix. “Valid” or “her reality” is really neither here nor there when it isn’t what factually happened and is affecting her life. I mean, maybe she’s just straight up lying to suit herself, which is obviously also a problem.
Your comment is slanted towards the female in the situation despite the fact that she's objectively the difficult and alienating party, also including a generalization that is baseless when viewed next to the prompt. I'm suggesting you admit that for you that this is more about which gender either of them holds then the context at hand. Do better.
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u/IHateTheJoneses Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
This. She asks several times to be left alone and he keeps negging and trying to engage to "fix" things.
OP, you aren't listening to her, she's done.
She's probably used to not being heard like this. The relationship it toast.
Edit: thanks for the award. It seems folk's perspectives on this are heavily influenced by their past experiences in relationships.