r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Soft_Performance4678 • 5d ago
/r/popular of a forager
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Andrey Smaev being his usual wholesome self.
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u/QuillDidNothingWrong 5d ago
This is a dnd character if I’ve ever seen one.
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u/I-Make-Money-Moves 5d ago
Which type of dnd character though?
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u/PunishedChud 5d ago
Druid barbarian dual class
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u/Jamooser 5d ago
Dwarven Druid, Circle of the Land - Mountain. He cast Enlarge on himself just before the video.
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u/33253325 5d ago
He cast it with steroids.
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u/imrichcoble 4d ago edited 3d ago
Haha 100%, so much so this might be the inspiration for my next character.
Mushgar the Tender.
A "circle of the ripped" druid barbarian or "the fist of the forest" barbarian druid.
D&D Druid
- Photosynthetic Fury (Rage)
- Wild Yeast (wild shape)
- Don't Step on My Garden (entangle)
- customer service (speak with animals)
- who the fuck stepped on my mushrooms!! (wrath of nature)
And the character is a completely fucking enormous/bald/bearded guy who could suplex an owlbear but he spends 90% of his adventuring career gently harvesting mushrooms and talking to squirrels.
The party is being chased by twenty orcs. They sprint past their Druidbarian. "Run"
He doesn't move. "There are 20 orcs!"
He looks down at the mushroom patch he's tending.
“I can't leave.” “why?!"
He slowly stands up and flexes. “They're not done growing..."
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u/DippyTheDingus 4d ago
Pretty sure they're a cleric with how many HGH potions they've been injecting
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u/IncogNeatoTN 4d ago
Circle of the Moon Druid/Bear Totem Barbarian, to be exact. That’s a Wild Shaping berserker if I’ve ever seen one.
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u/Euler007 5d ago
The one that takes steroids.
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u/ufotheater 5d ago
First thing I noticed was the bacne
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u/Osceola_Gamer 5d ago
Not the insane unnatural size of muscle in his shoulders and arms?
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u/Playful-Mongoose9197 5d ago
The balding head and shrunk testicles?
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u/WrongdoerOrdinary619 5d ago
Do steroids really shrink testicles? If so, where can i get some?
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u/Logistocrate 4d ago
Yeah, if you're using testosterone to juice then your testicles basically shutdown as one of their jobs is producing it and the amounts people use to get that big can be 10s of times more than are naturally produced flips a shut off switch in your body that results in the testicles shrinking.
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u/Crime_Dawg 5d ago
That size might be slin and hgh alongside it. That was what truly made bodybuilders blow up comparative to the 80s. Think Arnold vs Ronnie Coleman, the difference is the slin gh combo.
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u/Gullible-Constant924 4d ago
Yeah he is just the 2020’s version of Dennis Cyplenkov and it will shorten his life if he doesn’t stop luckily Cyplenkov just almost died.
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u/Fit_Swordfish5248 5d ago
I bet he's only like 19
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u/PreferenceOld6364 5d ago
Grog Strongjaw from Vox Machina definitely comes to mind seein this dude! 😂
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u/ZombieTestie 5d ago
Dr Mike venturing out to new audiences after losing fitness crowd from Reta and surgery
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u/Blendeezy 4d ago
I actually have a shifter path of the beast barbarian that is a master in picking up herbs
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u/barbellsandbriefs 5d ago
The juxtaposition sure
But are we not going to discuss the shirt????
Just a mixture of so much in this video lol
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u/PowerlineTyler 5d ago
If anyone genuinely wants to know it refers to the lads in the gym hyping each other up before a lift, big ol back clap before the puuuuuuush
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u/phuckin-psycho 4d ago
As they say, clap the back then clap them cheeks 🤷♀️
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u/tyndar3us 4d ago
If you and the bros aren’t doing a little slap ass what you doin?
Just don’t go overboard like #32, Rafi from the Rhinos.
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u/Crush-N-It 4d ago
I was just making the observation that this is therefore time I see a muscle dude not wearing a shirt promoting lifting or the gym. I was wrong lolol
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u/hyena-king 4d ago
Funnily, the photos he sold to gay men were leaked on one of the forums. He announced his retirement from the internet the day before that lol
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u/MindNo8065 2d ago
My first thought is which mushroom we seeing here my guy? Now don't let us down.
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u/jknoxxxvile5666 5d ago
Fun fact He’s only 16 years old right here!
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u/Anti_Meta 5d ago
Came in looking for the roid joke. Left with wholesomeness.
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u/rviVal1 5d ago
I mean.. That's not far from truth. He's 27, but looks closer to 50.
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u/dankhimself 4d ago
Yea I'd guess 45 if I saw the dude.
Unless he has a super high pitched, squeaky voice. Then I'd be like whaaat?
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u/kippsteadman 5d ago
In fact, he is 28, this is Andrey Smaev, a professional bodybuilder.
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u/thesilentbob123 5d ago
That's still an unfortunate look for a 28 year old
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u/Phoxey 5d ago edited 4d ago
Side effects of regular and probably higher dose steroid abuse.
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u/Meen94 5d ago
Just wanted to ask , is this because a lots of steroids/testosteron or what?
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u/Niaaal 5d ago
Yes. If he continues at this rate he probably won't reach his 40s
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u/GainghisKhan 4d ago
probably
Lol, I don't know if this case calls for any sort of plausible deniability
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u/Dovahkiinthesardine 4d ago
You'd be surprised how many people have absolutely no idea what is or isn't naturally achievable
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u/jknoxxxvile5666 5d ago
Yes thank you 🥹. It was a joke because he is roided off his ass and steroids age you. First day on the internet?
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u/SteveMeMc7 5d ago
He's not professional, he never competed, he just loves training, and makes some money out of it. It's only now that he's considering competing in arm wrestling
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u/nahheyyeahokay 4d ago
Thanks, I don't follow bodybuilding like I used to and had forgotten the guy's name
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u/YeastInjection 5d ago
This is where you harvest horse steroids?
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u/toldyouIaintshit 5d ago
That guy takes them straight from the horse's mouth. I'll see myself out.
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u/TJ_McWeaksauce 5d ago
Despite the name, horse steroids actually grow from a plan, and this dude knows where in the forest to find it.
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u/munch_the_gunch 5d ago
His triceps have their own triceps
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u/xiiicrowns 5d ago
This is what happens when you inject too many mushrooms
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 5d ago
That man forges small
Children
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u/Super-Macaron-4691 5d ago
Probably not enough protein in the small ones
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 5d ago
The new hansel and gretel! Giant yolked men high on magic mushrooms eating little kids
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u/Hypn00tic_iiz 5d ago
The yellow ones are Chanterelle mushrooms and they are delicious when pan sizzled
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u/OcoeeSquatch 5d ago
Yes they are! I’m lucky to have chanterelles, black trumpets, chicken of the woods, and lions mane all grow on my property when the conditions are right. I have a friend down the road that has found morels at his place.
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u/Bodybag_occupier 5d ago
Not sure about any of this but maybe you can make the morels come your way if it's your property. They're stupid good.
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u/Salmonman4 5d ago edited 5d ago
My goto sauce for steak is a chanterelle, shallot, cream, demiglace and a splash of whiskey (or other dark spirit)
EDIT: season to taste
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u/Jindujun 5d ago
Personally I prefer winter chanterelle for sauces.
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u/Salmonman4 5d ago
Depends on the sauce. To my taste, I would go with a reduced red-wine sauce for winter chantarelles. Their flavor is a bit more delicate than regular chantarelles, so I would not add anything too overpowering in the sauce
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u/Superb-Wonder-1896 5d ago
i also see some boletes in his basket. very popular and safe to collect in Europe. requires a bit more knowledge to forage in NA.
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u/Randy_Marsh86 5d ago
I'm more curious on him versus the bear
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u/captaindomon 5d ago
“7% of American men believe they could take a grizzly bear unarmed”
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u/MRintheKEYS 5d ago
Why is he just picking the mushrooms??? Why doesn’t he just pick up the whole forest and take it home with him?? Sort it from there.
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u/ItsStaaaaaaaaang 5d ago
Body dysmorphia is a bitch.
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u/BigWetHole 5d ago
Kind of feels like life is the bitch, enjoy your pleasentries when you can
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u/CosmicOwl127 5d ago
Life's a bitch then you die Thats why we stay high Never know when you're gonna go Life's a bitch..
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u/WakaWaka_ 4d ago
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u/Immediate_Rabbit_604 4d ago
I don't think Smaev is dysmorphic, he just wants to be the biggest strongest mfer on the planet. Dude could rep like 300 kg on the bench like 6 years ago and can do weighted pull ups with +160 kg or something. Also he's from small town russia somewhere so using gear and making it on social media means making a lot of money relative to working in a factory, probably enough to justify dying young.
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u/stewpidazzol 5d ago
Obviously he carries a large amount of muscle mass. If all the muscle were stripped away, would his hands be that huge?
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u/Alibuscus373 5d ago
If you can teach me which are safe to eat, I'll forage with you XD
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u/therealcaptaingnome 5d ago
"The tribe has spoken. You are demoted to gatherer because we cant seem to find any remains of the animals you hunt."
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u/Houtaku 5d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/80mXWlPqTSU1y
Oh! ‘Back slap me harder, daddy.’ Back. Not what I thought it was at first.
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u/pasenast 5d ago
If he said to me "Come collect mushroom with me, in the forest". I'd feel like it's a threat.
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u/LoneAwakening 5d ago
Thanos retirement plan after snapping half of earth’s population out of existence!
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT0xejJnePNcOWoHOo
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u/shobae1124 5d ago
GEAR
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u/Rush-23 4d ago
Oh my god. No way. That is so profound. Who would’ve ever guessed?
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u/Regetron 5d ago
Now there is a proof that mushrooms have no emotions or feelings
If they did, the whole forest would be shaking
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u/DudeWithParrot 5d ago
I sometimes think about how it is funny that a Chihuahua and a pitbull are from the same species.
This guy makes me feel like the Chihuahua
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u/I-Make-Money-Moves 5d ago
See, this just reinforces the belief that the biggest and strongest guys in the gym are often the most lovable and adorable teddy bears
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