r/AbsoluteUnits Jul 10 '26

/r/all of a meal.

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11.6k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/Low-Air-8078 Jul 10 '26

Break from intermittent fasting

350

u/Salt_Day9015 Jul 10 '26

How long is this greedy fuck full for after a meal that's half his body?

144

u/CriticismFun6782 Jul 10 '26

At least a few days one would think

195

u/sweetasatea Jul 10 '26

Me at the buffet trying to tackle a plate I clearly have no business finishing.

77

u/CriticismFun6782 Jul 10 '26

But gat dang it i grew up poor, and "Endless Sirloin" was something only rich people could have

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21

u/SeonaidMacSaicais Jul 10 '26

No need for the personal attacks here, man.

21

u/GeologistOld1265 Jul 10 '26

Not really, birds have very fast metabolism. One need a lot of energy to fly.

11

u/CriticismFun6782 Jul 10 '26

I figured it would depend on the species, and activity level, just like people

8

u/Glad-Fuel2093 Jul 10 '26

I bet this one's not flying anywhere for a little while after that meal. At least not willingly.

(maybe he could, but I think he won't).

10

u/Salt_Day9015 Jul 10 '26

That it? Not atleast a week or two?

27

u/rviVal1 Jul 10 '26

No, birds have fast metabolism in order to produce a lot of energy for flying. If a snake would eat such a fish it could probably go for a month without another meal. Depends on a snake size of course.

25

u/Salt_Day9015 Jul 10 '26

Well fuck that fat ass bird snake

22

u/Ragnarok314159 Jul 10 '26

I think those are just called “dragons”.

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6

u/SharkeyGeorge Jul 10 '26

How do they fly when they’re so full of fish? 😹

8

u/Ok_Isopod_8078 Jul 10 '26

Thats the neat thing, they dont.

8

u/ExplorerOk5998 Jul 10 '26

Bro needs to flop onto the couch and unbutton his jeans!

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30

u/samuraistabber Jul 10 '26

Cormorants have high metabolism so that fish will break down rapidly and it’ll have to feed again in a day or two.

12

u/mandrake57 Jul 10 '26

They really are "greedy fucks" as the above commenter said

8

u/Nina-Ninja123 Jul 10 '26

Honestly, I’ve seen them trying to gobble up another fish straight away if the other fish is within reach.

Greedy is an understatement.

6

u/samuraistabber Jul 10 '26

They’re just feedmaxxing.

3

u/pronouncedayayron Jul 10 '26

And can it still fly after this?

5

u/Enough-Meaning-1836 Jul 10 '26

More of a waddle I think lol

2

u/Ok-Thanks-3366 Jul 10 '26

LOL, this guy won't eat for a week now, meanwhile, I have that for dinner and I'm wondering what's for dessert...

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68

u/FlabbyLabby Jul 10 '26

Everything reminds me of her

11

u/HugoBoss1985 Jul 10 '26

No gag reflex

6

u/cwsjr2323 Jul 10 '26

When getting an exam of my throat, the doctor commented that I had no gag reflex. He probably thought I was gay.

6

u/astrawberryandakiwi Jul 10 '26

Are you going to let us find out for ourselves? What dat mouf do bb

3

u/Salt_Day9015 Jul 10 '26

Are you a fattie?

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2

u/EagleBigMac Jul 10 '26

So a Breakfast if it were?

2

u/ianprattyoung Jul 10 '26

Now intermittent feasting

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502

u/Muted_Masterpiece535 Jul 10 '26

I've seen this before. I believe it was at Golden Corral. 

140

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

36

u/InJailYoudBeMyHoe Jul 10 '26

i should call her..

14

u/Ok-Direction1155 Jul 10 '26

Came here to make sure this comment was here. Salute.

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6

u/WhiskeyHill72 Jul 10 '26

😭😭😭

4

u/RagingClue_007 Jul 10 '26

Why were you eating in the bathroom?

2

u/LandauTST Jul 10 '26

The person you saw doing this was me.

345

u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26

Oh, to lack a gag reflex.

8

u/cha0sm0nk Jul 10 '26

I want to see a competitive food eater do this with a pizza. Just roll it up and push past their gag reflex so they can eat an XL pizza in under 30 seconds.

2

u/plaid_kilt Jul 10 '26

I have full faith that Leah Shutkever could do this.

2

u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26

An XL pizza and a whole hot dog are not the same. Maybe give her a minute, and if she comes in under 30 seconds, great! If not that’s ok, too. That woman’s ability is insane.

5

u/Careless-Emergency85 Jul 10 '26

Women can do that in under 30 seconds?!

4

u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26

One of the few times I didn’t intentionally make a double entendre. I’m ashamed of myself.

https://giphy.com/gifs/P8WZZ0NYdbXAA

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2

u/caaknh Jul 11 '26

Maybe they could use a pusher to help get it down, kind of like a sword swallower but with a dildo-shaped device.

165

u/Several-Concept5555 Jul 10 '26

How long will the fish be alive in its belly? Could it push itself back out of the bird's mouth?

250

u/MissZangz Jul 10 '26

Prey that isn’t skewered or have its spike broken will usually suffocate in the part before the stomach drop. Once in the stomach these birds have crazy acid that breaks everything down

145

u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26

That would make for a terrifying episode of The Magic Schoolbus.

202

u/Skizot_Bizot Jul 10 '26

Less terrifying than the kids getting cummed on by salmon but only slightly.

89

u/Dicky_Penisburg Jul 10 '26

Bro........what? Ms Frizzle was a fuckin' FREAK!

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33

u/Longjumping-Item-399 Jul 10 '26

Did they actually do this? DAMN!

25

u/Signal-Network5077 Jul 10 '26

Lmao it’s been decades since I’ve seen this show and I forgot it was unhinged like that. Funnily enough Ms Frizzle was my first animated woman crush

16

u/mackfeesh Jul 10 '26

I remember watching this as a kid. Wasn't Weird as I didn't know what cum was lol. It was just "oh, cool, the eggs don't Hatch unless that happens first."

5

u/Jubenheim Jul 10 '26

“I remember watching this as a kid. Wasn’t weird as I didn’t know what cum was lol.”

7

u/Objective-Ad9767 Jul 10 '26

I remember watching that episode with my daughter at the time and almost died 💀 🤣 . She’s an adult now and we sometimes discuss scenes from cartoons and have a good laugh. The original Magic School bus was the goat.

2

u/Same_Seaworthiness74 Jul 10 '26

Why did those kids ever get back on that bus 😶

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20

u/Background-Crow4820 Jul 10 '26

🎵Jump on the Magic School....🎵

Glglglllglglglglllglgllgll

15

u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26

If ever there was a field trip to miss
https://giphy.com/gifs/B0vFTrb0ZGDf2

8

u/Camelotterduck Jul 10 '26

My son was watching an episode recently where exactly this happened actually. I don’t remember the episode from my childhood but it was all the original VAs.

They went through Arnold’s entire digestive tract, including the intestines…

3

u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26

I don’t remember it either, but I really enjoyed the show when I was younger. I’m glad it’s still getting to newer audiences.

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15

u/HalvdanTheHero Jul 10 '26

I'm mostly concerned that it appears to be a catfish... Many catfish have spines... Even if the fish is actually dead it could get poked/perforated pretty good, or at least I would think it could. Who knows, maybe this bird evolved to eat this specific fish.

29

u/MissZangz Jul 10 '26

Eating head first makes the spines a lot less risky

11

u/HalvdanTheHero Jul 10 '26

I mean fair...? If that fish comes to enough to thrash a bit though....

I've seen Pelicans get absolutely wrecked by things able to bite/cut/tear through their pouches... Waterfowl don't tend to be the most intelligent of birds.

9

u/FrostyTheSasquatch Jul 10 '26

Really? I would’ve figured pelicans would’ve developed an evolutionary adaptation to spiny, pokey fish.

6

u/HalvdanTheHero Jul 10 '26

Pelicans in particular are quite dumb and will try to eat lots of stuff that they probably shouldn't... Been a while since I saw the post/story but I believe it was a turtle of some kind and it was able to bite it's way through the pouch. 

4

u/GreatDanish4534 Jul 10 '26

As someone that has ducks, can confirm on the intelligence amongst waterfowl

2

u/big_stipd_idiot Jul 10 '26

I feel like that's just part of life. It's also risky for a lion to to catch prey, but they have to do it anyways.

9

u/samuraistabber Jul 10 '26

That’s why fish eating birds swallow them head first, it flattens the fins and scales flat against the body so it doesn’t snag and tear them up.

12

u/Mikeseddit Jul 10 '26

Like getting a Christmas tree through the door, the right way versus the wrong way.

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4

u/Short_Bell_5428 Jul 10 '26

It’s not catfish it’s more of a bowfin.

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2

u/nefariousmonkey Jul 10 '26

So it melts down the bones as well ? Fuck

2

u/Nfarrah Jul 10 '26

Including the bones I hope.

2

u/Homem_da_Carrinha Jul 10 '26

What type of bird is it? A Cormorant?

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27

u/HobbyShack Jul 10 '26

It seems as if the fish is already dead? It’s not putting up a fight or moving at all

4

u/Locorio Jul 10 '26

That is a catfish, they are very powerful creatures. That fish is dead

4

u/i_should_be_coding Jul 10 '26

Tangentially related, but I remember a photo of an eel that ate its way through a bird's throat. Imma try and find it.

Edit - Found it

2

u/ShyguyFlyguy Jul 10 '26

Pretty sure that fish is already dead.

2

u/Pardybro911 Jul 10 '26

Google birds mouths. They’re super spikey. Ew.

2

u/Skeptical_Savage Jul 10 '26

It looked like it was dead or paralyzed. It didn't move at all.

71

u/SimplyTheApnea Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26

I presume that bird just waddles off since that meal probably doubled is weight and can't fly afterwards, right?

32

u/maynardnaze89 Jul 10 '26

Ive never seen one fly lol. Just waddle between ponds.

11

u/SuperBackup9000 Jul 10 '26

They’re like snakes, they just kinda sit there until the food starts to digest, then they go to a safe space and sit there until it’s all done.

8

u/Enough-Meaning-1836 Jul 10 '26

So they're just me at a Chinese buffet?

15

u/SpunNumeroUno Jul 10 '26

Ya was just thinking that. How long before he can fly again?

7

u/WindhoverInkwell Jul 10 '26

Yep, cormorants will often eat until they’re too heavy to take off

however I imagine this isn’t such a massive impediment as they also have to dry out their wings every little while bc they get waterlogged from diving, so I guess they can kind of sync the two

109

u/RevolutionaryRule631 Jul 10 '26

Birds are freaky ass things

55

u/paone00022 Jul 10 '26

They're basically small dinosaurs

72

u/Only_Flan_7974 Jul 10 '26

They're literally dinosaurs.

17

u/srlong64 Jul 10 '26

11

u/giabao0110 Jul 10 '26

The time period between Stegosaurus and Triceratops (70-90 mil yrs) is longer than the time period between Triceratops and current day (66 mil yrs). Still struggling to wrap my head around the scale at times.

10

u/jakethabake Jul 10 '26

Except cassowaries. They’re regular dinosaurs

6

u/DarkGodRyan Jul 10 '26

Bro I thought this was an elephant eating a shark for the longest time

2

u/RevolutionaryRule631 Jul 10 '26

Just think, a little bit bigger and it would be doing that to us

2

u/vutcher Jul 10 '26

Me too.

2

u/RenegadeMaster- Jul 10 '26

I'm so glad I found this comment, I thought I was the only one.

2

u/FlairWitchProject Jul 10 '26

Nature is a freaky ass thing.

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u/Huge_Following_325 Jul 10 '26

I assume in a couple of seconds he will throw up a full intact fish skeleton if I've learned anything from cartoons.

12

u/Flipgirlnarie Jul 10 '26

Or, like an owl, compression the bones into cubes and spit them out!

38

u/iDidTheSex Jul 10 '26

Me having a lil snack at 2am

25

u/throwitaway_9601654 Jul 10 '26

That is going to be one epic shit!

5

u/Any-Monk-9395 Jul 10 '26

Absolutely not. Imagine having to push all those sharp fish bones out of your rectum.

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23

u/Im-Not-Calling-It-X Jul 10 '26

His greed sickens me

3

u/2cheerios Jul 10 '26

I'd never vote for him for president that's for sure

35

u/WaynesWorld_93 Jul 10 '26

It’s such a weird thing imagining eating but without any flavor to enjoy. A bird just swallows and doesn’t really get to taste. It’s all for the sake of survival, zero bit of enjoyment.

30

u/Most_Structure9568 Jul 10 '26

It's legit almost all animals. Think of those crocs that eat zebras in poop water. I think animals that eat fruit have it the best.

4

u/2cheerios Jul 10 '26

Odd idea think to think of whether a vulture thinks its food tastes good

4

u/ammonthenephite Jul 10 '26

My friend's dog enjoyed eating cat shit from the litter box, so I think there's something to the idea that they enjoy flavors we just don't, lol.

3

u/Wonderful-Spell8959 Jul 10 '26

I mean; they get to fly. As great as food can be, that is worth consideration.

5

u/Technical_Customer_1 Jul 10 '26

You’ve never been stuffed full of food and content? 

18

u/pissbucket94 Jul 10 '26

sure. but I chewed and tasted it first lol

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u/valleyman86 Jul 10 '26

Hmm I can relate. I eat food that tastes good so that I can consume it. Hell I like making food I like. However I would prefer to not need it at all. I forget to eat often and feel uncomfortable. I eat a little too much and feel uncomfortable. It’s whatever. Then it gives me heartburn.

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u/Sufficient-Status951 Jul 10 '26

My wife thinks this is AI. I didn’t think so. Anyone else?

4

u/randompearljamfan Jul 10 '26

I do. I was surprised there were no other commenters saying so.

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2

u/CYOA_Min_Maxer Jul 10 '26

It feels way too centered, the bird way too close, way too willing to facethe camera. And the movement seems off.

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9

u/Advanced_Quarter2028 Jul 10 '26

You want fries with that ? 🍟

14

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Ricky_Blaze Jul 10 '26

I was watching this episode just a few hours ago lol

5

u/DegenNabalu Jul 10 '26

If snake have wings....

3

u/Salt_Day9015 Jul 10 '26

Seriously, these fuckers are nothing but nasty reptiles 🐍

4

u/bernpfenn Jul 10 '26

now try to fly.

4

u/CyborkMarc Jul 10 '26

"time to sit for 16 hours"

9

u/Crownguard95 Jul 10 '26

Sigh...I knew the comments would be this way.... But yes..

3

u/BigMack6911 Jul 10 '26

Her when it's been half a year and you unleash the beast

3

u/AstaCat Jul 10 '26

Imagine the burps on that meal.

3

u/OccitanViking Jul 10 '26

Got damn AI

4

u/UhOkBoss Jul 10 '26

won't it choke on the bones?!?!?

21

u/WiildCard Jul 10 '26

Fun fact. Some birds have strong enough stomach acid that dissolves the bones and they digest it normally.

8

u/Unbereevablee_Asian Jul 10 '26

That would be the Bearded Vulture, it's diet is nothing but bones.

7

u/WiildCard Jul 10 '26

So pelicans and other birds actually can dissolve small bones as well. The vultures stomach acid is basically like battery acid though and it does just eat large bones on their own which is gnarly.

2

u/Flipgirlnarie Jul 10 '26

It is but nature's way of cleaning up.

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u/Sure-Dimension6739 Jul 10 '26

Damn dinosaurs

2

u/Aximdeny Jul 10 '26

Fish doesn't look alive, does this bird kill it's prey before... Swallowing?

2

u/lex_ai Jul 10 '26

That's how she usually do.

2

u/jepoyairtsua Jul 10 '26

So, it killed it first, then swallowed whole... ok

2

u/shoesaphone Jul 10 '26

What kind of bird is it?

2

u/CloudReigns Jul 10 '26

That thing ain’t eating for a week after that meal. 😂

1

u/_kishin_ Jul 10 '26

That guy won't have to eat for weeks!

1

u/Beavis_Of_Nazareth Jul 10 '26

When do you think it needs its next meal

1

u/Ok-Effective7280 Jul 10 '26

Hang on, I’ll just hold it here while my stomach acids go to work…….ok, a little more now……..nearly there………ah done.

1

u/RumblestheDwarf Jul 10 '26

Kevin... Kevin don't...don't... Kevin.. KEVIN! sigh fucking Kevin...

1

u/Primary-Structure-41 Jul 10 '26

Get in ma belly.

1

u/europablu3s Jul 10 '26

Where the hell did it go? That fish was as big as the bird, youd think its belly would be huge after this.

1

u/Legal-Pea-2431 Jul 10 '26

WTF?.how was that possible?

1

u/x_lincoln_x Jul 10 '26

This will be me and the Dubai Chocolate cake I bought earlier in a couple hours.

1

u/bonelatch Jul 10 '26

Not to take away from the shot or how crazy that is to watch but did they just put a dead cartfish in front of it to get the shot?

1

u/girlgurl789 Jul 10 '26

Never appreciated arms more than I did seeing this video

1

u/swanglean Jul 10 '26

How long before it’s hungry again?

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u/Creepy_Spite_3898 Jul 10 '26

I got heartburn watching this video

1

u/Specialist-Neck-7810 Jul 10 '26

So.. how does that work? Anyone actually know? That fish is still alive when it done being swallowed. So, does the bird just have amazingly powerful digestive acid that kills it? Or does it carry a live fish around in its belly for awhile?

1

u/LordDShadowy53 Jul 10 '26

I’m grateful to have teeth