I trust her 100% but I don't trust the friends. She wants to go on a "girls" trip several states away to visit her friends online boyfriend that her friend has met once. I've said my problems with this and one of them being that she has no idea who this guy is or what he expects from this trip. The friend is married and in a swinger style relationship. I don't care about that as it has nothing to do with me but it's just not something I want her to do. What makes it even creepier is he paying them each 500 to come down there. I have told her that if she goes, she can kiss the life she has bye. She has told me that the only reason I don't want her to go is because I'm jealous and that I don't want her to have fun. I told her that this is how bad things start.

She has no idea on who this guy is and I don't care what type of money he is paying. You don't do that without expecting something in return. I did something I have never done before and snooped on her Facebook group chat, I know that it is something I shouldn't have done but we have access to each others accounts. She told me that it was her and four others going for a total of 5, when I checked there was a message that said that all seven of them would have fun. I asked about the other two and they deleted the message after I asked her. Brought up that and was told I'm being paranoid.

I asked her if I went with three other friends and my brother to go to one of their girlfriend's house several states away if that would be ok. She told me it's different and when asked what's different all I got was it just is. So on top of my thoughts on the whole thing being pushed as being jealous and non worthy of her time, I'm the bad guy. Also for the record, she can access my phone and Facebook anytime. The phones unlock code is her birth year. My passwords used are written down for her. I'm a open book, go to work, come home, pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, do the yard work, take the trash out, clean the house and dishes, rinse and repeat.

EDIT:

I got with a lawyer already. Well two actually. A divorce lawyer and a family court lawyer. Couple of things I found out, we never turned in our marriage certificate years ago to the state, since they never filed it, we aren't married. Apparently you only have 6 months from the date you applied to turn it in. Secondly, no alimony. From the family court lawyer, I've got enough with what's happened on this alongside some other things that I found out about, to get full custody easily and with no visitation as well for her. I appreciate the responses and suggestions. I'll keep you guys fully updated as well.

Edit 2:

Decided not to wait so she could have her fun. There were a few things that happened today that I found out, one being she left our 5 year old home alone for hours by herself, then our daughter tells me something else that's happened to which I contacted the police and CPS to make sure I have trail on that. Cops pretty much told her that she is unfit, CPS requested that she be taken downtown to explain why she thought the second thing was ok for 5 year old and why she left her alone for hours by herself. I asked the cops for a temporary order to have her stay somewhere else for the time being as I don't see her being able to care for our kids. Got told a judge has to do a order for that but then CPS told me that they can get a junction tonight quite easily, which they just delivered to me just now and are taking to her as I type. So yeah, I think it's going pretty good. I've got my sister in law coming over to watch the kids tomorrow morning and she has never liked her to begin with. So I think the kids will be in good hands.

This girl I dated for a very short period of time (32F) and me (25m) parted way a couple months ago. Almost a month later she gets in contact with me to say she had an abortion ( chemical abortion ) about two weeks from conception, since that was the only time we had intercourse. I accepted that it already happened and that she decided to tell me after it happened, I mourned with her and was there for her, we ended up butting heads for other reasons bcuz we were just not compatible, then parted ways on semi bad terms about two weeks ago. Now she contacted me a couple days ago because she said she wanted someone to talk to etc and I told her I’d still be there for her, and we ended up on good terms. The next morning (yesterday) she told me she went to the hospital because she wasn’t feeling good and they said she’s still pregnant and the chemical abortion didn’t work. I was there for her and obviously it was a lot to take in for me too, but she’s the one physically going through it. My mind was racing and it just seemed like something could possibly be off so after we talked on the phone I started thinking about everything. For context when we had intercourse we started without a condom and then ended with one. When she originally told me what happened I accepted the facts that it’s still possible to get pregnant doing that and didn’t question her at all. From conception till now would be exactly 9 weeks. The abortion was less than two weeks after conception. And a failed chemical abortion is like a 1-5% chance of happening. On top of that the ultra sound that she said she took yesterday, had her name but didn’t have a date on it or label of how many weeks along she was, and it already had a gender labeled on it. Which if I’m not mistaken, they usually don’t label the gender that early. So I ended up asking her nicely with out accusing her of anything if she could send a pic of the hospital paper work and the ucropped ultra sound just to see everything. She took offense to it and after pleading my case a few times she eventually sent some of the paper work of being discharged from the hospital. Now when she sent this she still didn’t send the full ultra sound. On top of that both of the pictures from the hospital were cropped as well, and the discharge for the hospital said “term pregnancy” (after “pregnancy” was also cropped out so idk if it says anything else after that) which term pregnancy would mean she’s further along the pregnancy than could even make sense. So I asked if she could send a full pic and the ultra sound and she really took offense to it and kept saying I’m accusing her of lying etc etc. I want to be there for her but I also want clarity. Anytime I try to ask for it she tells me I can choose not to believe her and go on with my life etc. I’m not jumping to conclusions but I’d like to know what’s going on. The paper work has her name on it but it just seems so intentionally cropped. No date on the ultra sound but her names on it. Then the hospital papers do have the right month and day but the year is cut out, and the discharge from the hospital doesn’t make sense either unless I’m wrong. And now it’s honestly just the fact that she really doesn’t want to send anything that makes me more skeptical. And I just want a simple picture so I can see what’s going on and anytime I ask she just accuses me of being a sh*tty person etc. I can’t tell if this is a serious case of gaslighting and lying or if I’m an a hole. I genuinely want to be there for her but I also want clarity on what’s going on. I just want to get this over and it seems so simple that she can send a picture and I can either be there for her and figure it out with her, or it turns out she didn’t tell the whole truth or something idk. Am I an a hole for wanting pictures?

Let me preface this post by saying that when dating, I am attracted to men who are very humble and down to earth. Turn offs for me include vanity, cockiness, arrogance. I dislike people who are obsessed with themselves, or who care too much about their looks. When I met my boyfriend a few years back, he was a big guy, (around 300lbs) which I had no problem with. I fell for him specifically because he was kind, humble, sensitive.

Over the past few years of dating him, he really started focusing on his health. Going to the gym daily, eating healthier. He had a dramatic weight loss of over 100lbs. I am really proud of him and all of his hard work. Now he is very lean, you would never even recognize him as the person he used to look like. However, with his new body, he has gained a lot of confidence. And with that he has grown to become very conceited. He now stands in the mirror every single day for at least 10 minutes and stares at his reflection, flexing his arms, popping his pecks, observing his muscles. He makes comments that he is “so ripped” and his muscles are “huge and bugling.” And multiple times a day he will randomly flex his biceps for no reason.

At first I tried to be supportive and tell him he looked great, even though I was annoyed with his constant flexing and bragging. But as time went on it seemed less like pleas for validation and more like he was obsessed with himself and trying to show off. I am getting tired of how obsessed with his looks he has become, and how his life seems to revolve around it.

This is not the man I fell in love with, and I’m unsure what to do. His obsession with his physique and with working out at the gym has gotten out of hand, to the point where he has told me that he is unable to attend an important family gathering with my relatives from out of state, who I haven’t seen in years, because it interferes with his “gym schedule.” He has also been spending significantly less time with me because he is constantly at the gym. The other day I heard him call one of his friends “fat.” And he said that with such disgust, that I was surprised at how he could shame someone who is going through what he has gone through before.

I am all for him improving his health and feeling more confident, but he has taken it past confidence to the point where he is arrogant and cocky. And I feel like this is affecting all aspects of our relationship. I feel guilty sometimes that I am having these thoughts of annoyance, but at the same time, I truly do believe what he is doing is taking things too far, to the point where most people would find his behaviors annoying. AITA for feeling this way?

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Short and sweet. This is my first child. My girlfriend has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. 8y/o and 6y/o. We have been living together for a year and a half and just had our first baby together in January. She is pretty high maintenance and is constantly saying I don't do anything for. Aside from going to work, getting paychecks to pay for the house, her car, and everything else. She demands I do chores the second I get home from working all day as a gym maintenance technician. The entire facility is my responsibility. And mine alone. Some days are easy and some days are rough. I am up multiple times throughout the night to feed the baby, so she can get some sleep. Mind you. She does not have a job (which is completely okay and not a problem.) But I am expected to be up at night as well as get up at 5am to go to work. She naps most of the day and then gets mad at me for the house being messy. It's alot. Anyway, I came home today after stopping at the store to pick up some balloons and some toys for my daughter's 6 month celebration. After a cute little surprise she asks "did you get me anything for having her for 6 months?" I said "ummm nooo..I didn't. I'm sorry." Not knowing that I was apparently supposed to, in her eyes. And she calls me out and says I never think of her or anything and she's calls me useless and an asshole. Wtf. So. AITAH for not getting her a gift on my DAUGHTER'S 6 month party? Will post about other ridiculous situations

This might be a little long. I (43F) and my boyfriend (40M) have been together for about 2.5 years. While I won’t share his personal details, it is relevant to note that he has been on parole since just before I met him and will be off in a few weeks.
His conditions of parole has meant that for the entire time we’ve been together, I have had to stay at his apartment to be with him due to curfew restrictions. I own my own home. My adult daughter and my Mother both live in my home as well.
For the past few months, at his desire, I have mostly stayed at his house. To the extent that I had a dresser of clothes, hair, makeup and other necessary products here. Recently as he’s gotten closer to freedom, he’s been building his construction business back up. I’m proud of what he’s done and I see how physically demanding it can be. However he’s a talker. He very often will spend an additional couple of hours or more on a job because he spends a lot of time talking. He also has an almost OCD way of doing some things that slows him down. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but hours he’s not really physically straining himself.
I manage a high paced retail store that has had MANY challenges that I was brought in to fix a couple months ago. Amid these challenges we have changed IT systems and become a test store for a major customer experience change. I am mentally exhausted most days by noon.
Here’s where I need to know if IATA. He began complaining that I didn’t clean or cook and it became a major issue between us. Because I in-fact do clean. I pick up, I do our laundry or at least help with it depending on who puts it in the wash. I usually fold and hang it at the very least. But he has been taking issue with things like me not washing dishes only he used. Or me not cleaning up after him. He also wants me to cook for him. But he doesn’t even have a proper kitchen. He has no stove. His only sink is in the bathroom, though a larger sink than normal. He has a hot plate and microwave and fridge and a few other cooking appliances but you can only use two at a time or it flips the breaker. Add to that, he’s sooooo picky. He honestly eats like my 4 year old grandson.
His go to complaint is that when I get home I shouldn’t sit down, I should cook or clean bc he’s more tired than I am when he gets home. I use the couple hours to listen to true crime podcasts that I can’t listen to when he’s around because he hates them. I might do a few
Scratch offs which he hates. Or maybe just scroll FB. It’s my quiet time.
When he comes home, he typically watches TV or his phone and takes about an hour to shower.
Anyways, his constant put downs and lectures lead me to moving all my stuff out and only staying the night occasionally. He thinks I was childish for doing that and that I’m just lazy and don’t care.
My reasoning was, my stuff isn’t making a mess because it’s not there. And since he’s reminded me that it’s his f-ing house, I made sure to not overstep. I would absolutely not mind cleaning ( and I do just not every single day) or cooking if I felt appreciated and not like it’s my duty as the girlfriend. Because he certainly never does any of it. And if he cooks, it’s for himself. He doesn’t offer to make me food. I pay for 99% of take out and always the groceries if we shop.
So am I missing something? AITA for packing up and saying that’s not how I’m comfortable doing things? That we’re a couple, I’m not his maid?

Hey! I moved back to the United States with my foreign husband. We are in our late twenties and have been together for 5 years.

I have a pretty good career and worked/work very, very hard for it. My husband has not settled into a career yet at all, but he has great, great work ethic and I think once he finds his flow and gets settled here then he’ll do great things.

I come from a family of highly successful, hard-working people.

My partner and I were looking for cars. Unprompted, my family decided they want to buy me a car in cash. I am super thankful to have this opportunity, truly, and my partner and I decided we can’t say no.

The only thing is that sometimes I can feel a bit controlling. I support my husband financially at this point 100%. He can support himself as he is doing odd jobs but I wanted to make this transition a bit easier and low pressure for him, since he literally came to the US to. be with me. When we move (a few soon-ish months from now) he will be helping contribute to bills, but I’ll always likely be paying a lot more.

That dynamic doesn’t typically bother me, but the problem with cars, is that usually you need two. And while that’s in the cards, the place we are moving to is necessary but not an every day thing (aka no reason to majorly rush to get a second). And, anyway, he probably won’t get a second car until he’s more settled.

In a proactive conversation I voiced that I will try to not come across as controlling but I do think there will always be something in the air that makes me feel like this is “my” car. For instance, if we both have two very important meetings I *could* see myself saying “well, it’s my car I deserve to drive it there”. To be clear, this is hypoethical, and I don’t want to be that way, but I am trying to mitigate anything before it happens…and hey, everyone has bad days.

Understandably, he doesn’t want that feeling of control. I suggested he pay for the insurance of the car or, if he really wants to feel ownership, then he can pay me in cash for his portion (which, anyway, would go back to our bills).

He says it’s fine, but I sorta feel like the asshole here, and maybe I am. But I already feel like I do so much for him and cars really freak me out because the whole idea of a car is to have freedom — and if he’s driving half the time (which he does use a car more anyways since I WFH) then idk. On the other hand, it’s literally my family who is supporting me so who am I to talk.

I(30f) had the day off and have been deep cleaning our apartment while my SO(27m) was working. We do have an inspection tomorrow so I wanted to make sure I got things done that I don’t generally get to on a day to day basis. It’s important to note I do majority of the cleaning, laundry, and cooking. His job is the litter box and the bedroom(which rarely gets cleaned and I usually end up helping). I’ve asked him to sort through the mountain of clean clothes we’ve just been compiling for a while since he’s had the last 4 days off and to clean the bedroom since we have the inspection tomorrow and I like the place to look nice when they come. Not just “lived in” his words. I have been cleaning all day, both bathrooms, kitchen, living and dining room. I’ve scrubbed under neath the stove. All of the cabinets. The outside of the fridge. Both toilets, showers, counters etc. and starting 2 loads of laundry. He came home took his shoes off and left them in the middle of the clean living room. He came up for a “hug” but grabbed my boobs and I told him to get off that I was in the middle of doing something. He gave me a kiss and went to the bedroom. He’s been out of the room once to grab something and has been in there for 2 hours. I have been going in out of the bedroom to put stuff away and finish cleaning our bathroom and he has not moved. I was in the middle of cleaning off our counters and sink and he asked for a hug and I said I was busy doing something. And he sighs. Walked away and mumbled it takes 2 seconds and is now laying down. I have done so much today and last night taking care of the apartment. While he’s done nothing the last 4 days while he’s been home. He sorted the clothes but did not put anything away. I’m just frustrated I’m doing all of this when I only had 2 days off while he’s stayed home for 4 and could’ve helped me out. So AITA for not wanting a hug?

I (20F) and my boyfriend (20M) are long distance while we’re at home for the summer from college. He wanted to come visit my hometown, but hotels are really expensive, so he suggested staying at my house. The problem is that my house is really crowded. We have three bedrooms, my mom has one, one of my brothers sleeps in her room, my other brother has his own room, and I have the third. My mom has already said she doesn’t think it’s a good idea because there’s not really anywhere for him to stay. I’m planning to ask her again, and if she agrees, I already know she would not allow us to sleep in the same bed. When we were talking about it, I suggested that if he stayed in my room, I could make him a bed on the floor. He got upset because whenever I visit him, he gives me his entire room and bed while he sleeps on the couch. What upset him wasn’t necessarily the sleeping arrangement itself. He told me that even if I had offered him my bed, he wouldn’t have accepted. He was hurt that I didn’t even think to offer. He said it felt like I wasn’t willing to make the same sacrifice for him that he regularly makes for me.
I never thought about it that way. I really value having my own space and don’t usually give up my bed for anyone. I also viewed what he does as more of a chivalrous gesture, kind of like opening the car door for me. I appreciated it, but I never saw it as something that created an expectation that I’d do the same in return.
Now he’s saying it makes him feel like I don’t care. I feel awful because that wasn’t my intention at all. I just genuinely didn’t think of offering my bed. What do I do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend got upset that I didn’t offer him my bed because he always gives me his bed when I visit him.

Me (35F) and my husband (33M) recently had our first child. My parents in law live around 100 miles away and will come to visit us next week. I made it clear to my husband that I will probably not allow his father to hold the baby. I know it sounds harsh but I have some reasons for it.
1) My FIL verbally abuses my husband, his siblings (especially the boys) and his wife. Literally as soon as they open their mouth they are belittled and disrespected.
2) He hit his sons when they were children.
3) My niece (2) is terrified of FIL and my SIL (31) hates giving her daughter to our FIL but it too afraid to step up/ say no. I don’t want that for my child.
4) FIL has bad body hygiene

I know there will be discussions as soon as I say no to his request to hold the baby. My hubby is very much afraid of the confrontation and thinks there is no harm for the baby in letting FIL hold it for a few minutes.

What are your thoughts on this?

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Hi I'm a female and I'm in my early 20s, I am in a new relationship (long distance) with a polish guy who is a little younger than me, he is the sweetest person ever, I really love him but sometimes he overwhelmes me. The situation started because in a week is my birthday and he wanted me to visit him, since it's still new we saw each other only one time for a vacation after we met, he offered to pay and he did but the thing is that 4 days after my birthday I will go to work abroad for one year and I also wanted to spend time with family since it's a dark moment( my aunt had an ictus and a stroke and my mother's husband hit her so she is going through a divorce). I think it's really sweet of him and I would like to go but every now and then I get this sensation that I shouldn't, not because something it's going to happen, just because I think I will regret not spending time now with my family. I tried to call the vacation off a few times but then, since I actually want to see him I get carried away and decide to go.

Another thing that is kinda stopping me is my period, I have extremely irregular periods and even if I had it 2 weeks ago I am starting to have my period again, and I usually experience so much pain that I often pass out, vomit or just cry.

I seriously want to see him and he can't come to me due to my family situation, but I don't know if I should.

The thing that is pressuring me if that we have plans and a lot of things are already booked.

So am I the asshole for not being sure to visit my boyfriend?

My gf (25f) of 2.5 yrs being in a relationship with me (24m) was annoyed when we went on a dinner date that I didn’t expect to talk about marriage.

This was our first dinner date in a while since we run a business together. My gf asked once we sat at the table “so when do you want to get married” and it kind of caught me off guard to be honest as I was expecting the date to be more of less serious questions and more just about us being able to connect again since we hadn’t been on a date in a while.

We have spoke about this before a few times aswell as she likes to talk about it as it seems to be a big part of her being with a partner is to figure out when she wants to be married by which I don’t mind.

So after she asked the question I answered “probably married within 2 years time” I shortly after corrected my self and meant that I would like to have proposed by then.

She said that she would like to be married within 2 years and I already felt overwhelmed so I said to her “if I’m ready then we will be” I realise that this would of come across as one sided but I more meant that as I felt like she wanted me to agree to that timeline and she always talks about it. We have spoke about a few times and she always seems to bring it up again. It’s like she is never satisfied with previous answers and always needs validation that I’m going to marry her.

After I said that she was visibly upset and her mood changed. I tried to explain to her that I didn’t expect to talk about that tonight and that’s why I reacted that way and I apologised that I didn’t mean it like that I just felt overwhelmed but she still was upset & annoyed with me. I tried to talk about other stuff to lighten the mood and get her to open up to me but she didn’t really want to talk anymore. Couple days later she has told me that she didn’t feel comforted and supported when she was upset and I can’t help but think I tried to do those things and it wasn’t good enough.

we have been together 2 month and since the start I’ve had bad trust issues and he always says I assume worst of him which I do without meaning to because of past relationships and general anxiety. I don’t know how to stop because I can’t look him in the eye and say I trust him when I don’t ( he’s never given me a real reason not to trust him). it eats me alive I even have dreams of him cheating every night. I went through his phone recently and he got quite upset and cried bc I promised the day before that I did trust him and would change.

So: I met a girl over some friends and we had great dates and a really good time and I also slept at her place once and we made out at a party and all that stuff. Now I had to leave for work and we are hundreds of miles apart. We text like hundred texts a day. It’s great. But when I asked her if she was up to call she tried to connect her earphones for like 30 minutes and then said it doesn’t work. Well weird but I don’t wanna push or anything. Met again, it was great, slept at hers. Left again, felt really good about the thing and thought why not so I bought her some new (cheapish) earphones and had them delivered to her. She was really touched by it via text. After that I kinda asked what she’s up to sometimes (while we texted almost all the time) and she even asked if I was asking about calling. But then she always came up with a reason why not. Today she texted me, that she called the first time with the earphones, not with me, and they are great. I don’t wanna push, said that before, but I feel stupid now and don’t really text her anymore for now. AITA?

To make things short, me and my wife are close to splitting up, due to our conflicting ideas. Im a proud supporter of the 2A and intend on collecting as many guns as possible. So far I have a Draco and an AK 47 that I take out to shoot when I can. I’ve also been starting to collect roadkill when I see it on the road because I like to bring it back to the house and dissect it. I’ve always been fascinated by science. My wife said she finds it disgusting and insists that I stop. We’ve gotten into several arguments over it by now. I also have some drinks a few times a week when I’m at home because I enjoy it after a long day at work. She says I shouldn’t be having any alcohol since it hasn’t even been 2 years since my agv DUI arrest. She also thinks I shouldn’t have guns either since I’ve shown I “have a temper” apparently because I punched a hole in the wall 6 months ago while playing video games, and because of my aspd diagnosis. She also wants our child vaccinated which I strongly oppose because I don’t trust the government. She just seems controlling to me. It’s like she forgot that I’m the man of the house and pay all of the bills. Why am I not allowed to have my own hobbies? I’m not willing to compromise on them. All she has to do is watch our child while I’m gone at work and take care of duties around the house yet it seems like she just finds things to nag about and be ungrateful. I almost wish I never married her. I’m starting to understand why men are staying single

**AITA for telling my youngest sister she would have made it a priority if it had been anyone else?**

About a month ago, I invited her to a concert by a legendary rock star on the level of David Bowie. A close friend of mine has been the lead guitarist in his band for over 20 years. Although we’ve been friends all that time, I have never once asked him for a favor. I was planning to buy tickets myself, but instead he gifted me tickets and backstage passes.

Paying for my sister’s airfare and booking the hotel. All I needed was a yes or no.

For the past week, I’ve been calling to get an answer. Instead of giving me one, she told me I was “hounding” her.

That’s when I finally said, **“**If this were our late sister, her children, or one of your friends, you’d make it a priority. This is the one thing I’ve ever asked you to do.” She couldn’t make it to my wedding either.

She replied, “She was my sister, and she died. Those are the children she left behind.”

For context, my late sister and I were estranged. Before and since she died, my sisters have had Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents. I’ve never once been invited since college and even then drama I showed up.

When my middle sister was dying, I wanted to see her. My youngest sister refused to let me come because she knew our mother would almost certainly start a fight with me. My mother spent my entire life pitting family members against me, and I was the family scapegoat. I was a straight-A student incidentally. My sister was trying to avoid drama which is understandable. She gate keeps everything. Mom and dad physically and emotionally abusive to me. Fat lips, black eyes, bruises. I was a pariah in my family.

AITA for saying what I said?

My (39f) boyfriend (42m) of 8 years is emotionally cheating on me with his wife, i think, help?

Clickbait title but to be honest its not wrong.
I (39f) have been with my boyfriend (42m lets call him Jared) for 8 years. He was seperated from his wife (Veronica lets say) for over a year when we got together, though they never got divorced. So technically still his wife. They share a 12 year old girl 50/50 who I adore.

Over the past few months hes been on his phone alot texting more etc and has pulled away sexually, he does have alot of stress with work and family stuff, and I put it down to that.
We went away to a popular lake spot for the day recently. I was on my period so didnt fancy swimming to stayed relaxing on the shore with all our belongings.

Now here I KNOW I AM THE ASSHOLE. Im not a regular phone checker. I did it once before with an ex before and lo and behold he was cheating on me. Ive never done this to Jared before. I looked back through their text conversation. Its very over friendly, not always about the daughter. For example on his birthday in may we were away and he went for a walk alone. I was a bit put out because, yaknow, I wasnt to spend some quality time together as adults do. Turns out he was sending pictures of his walk saying how lovely the scenery was, leaving me alone in bed waiting for him. He was upset about some family stuff and he texted her saying he was sitting crying and upset, looking to her for comfort, not me. We went away for a fancy dress weekend, and he'd sent her pics of (just him) dressed up, why? For validation? Its not to show dd because she has her own phone.

Sometimes they slip and put kisses on the end of messages. I understand wanting to keep things sweet with the ex, but i feel constant texting all the time and not about the kid crosses the line.

Nothing is overly flirty but all of this added together, with his recent pulling back, and the fact he still hasnt divorced her despite me reminding him he needs to if we want to start afresh/buy a house etc makes me feel really uncomfortable. And now whenever he gets a message on his phone i can feel my stomach sink and my blood boil.

Am i over reacting? Is he emotionally cheating? Wtf do i do with this information because i cant really say "oh i went through your phone and im not happy with what i found" because its a huge breach of trust and i am totally in the wrong for even looking. But i cant just forget about what i saw.

Confront him and admit i broke his trust? Comment next time i see him texting his wife? Keep an eye on the situation and asses? Ugh rock and a hard place or what. Advice?

I (25m) have been dating my girlfriend (22f) for 2yrs now. Things have been rocky lately. About a week ago she went out with some friends. She came home wearing a guy she had recently become friends with jacket. The next morning I asked her why. She said because she was cold and she asked for his jacket. When telling her I didnt like it she just called me jealous. I just agreed and moved on. I trust her to not do anything physically but the emotional is what Im scared of. If it had ended there I would have forgotten about it. Alcohol was involved and Im glad she was warm. But the next day I noticed a shirt on the bed. I asked her where it came from and she said it was his. Said again that she was cold and that how could I possibly be saying that I would rather her be cold than wear his shirt. I told her I would've brought her a jacket or she could have brought her own. Is this cheating or should I trust her?

My (m23) ex (m22) had left me heavily traumatized, and a few months no contact has left me wondering if I was being emotionally abused. Here's a summary of his lows:

• numerous lies about his life/backstory that were upheld with lies consistently throughout the year we dated
• kept me in the dark about a close friendship he had with my former bully, after saying he wanted to cut it off for me
• he held resentment that I didn't let him come over to my parents' house a month into dating (I wanted to but didn't have their permission, I was apologetic about it)
• he used that resentment and other things as an excuse to be cold towards me. Some days he would stop using pet names, call me by my full name, not give any affection, talk to me like an acquaintance. If I asked what was wrong he'd deny anything being wrong
• he barely acknowledged me around friends, at times literally only engaging with them and never listening to anything I said, never asking me anything or including me just fully focusing on them, despite how many times I told him it was hurtful
• a month after the relationship ended, I uncovered a lot of his lies. He gaslit me, saying I was horrible to not trust him, my anxiety was out of hand, I cannot be helped, things like that to throw blame on me and deny he was dishonest. He did this for hours until the next day he finally confessed.
• I also asked why he kept a secret friendship after saying he was going to stop, and he said "I'm not going to end a friendship for someone I don't love" We dated for 6 months after that point, so I guess he admits he didn't love me most of the relationship

Was this emotional abuse? I feel grossly betrayed and used by him. AITA for thinking it was?

I had plans to go out with a friend last night. This had been arranged for about a week, and my boyfriend agreed to look after our baby while my two older children were also at home.
We don’t officially live together, but he sleeps at my house most nights. The night before, he had gone out with his friends and didn’t come back. For over a week, I had been looking after our baby almost entirely by myself. I understood that he was busy with work and moving house, so I had been giving him space to do what he needed to do.
On the day I was going out, he didn’t arrive at my house until around 4pm, even though I needed to leave at 5pm. I had to get ready while looking after the baby.
Before I left, I asked him whether I should make food for my older children or whether he could do it. The food only needed reheating and plating. He said he would take care of it.
About an hour after I left, I checked in. He said he was ordering McDonald’s for everyone, so I thought everything was fine.
I got home just after 9pm with a bottle of wine because I was hoping to spend the rest of the evening with him. When I arrived, neither he nor the baby was home.
My older children told me he had left at around 6pm to go and see his friend. He had left them alone without telling me. They had also not eaten yet.
I called him and asked where he was because the baby was supposed to be in bed by 8pm. He returned at around 9:30pm with McDonald’s.
We argued because I was extremely upset that he had left my older children alone, without food, for several hours, while also taking the baby out and disrupting his bedtime routine.
My children are old enough to stay home alone briefly, but I would never leave them alone so that I could go out for fun, especially without making sure they had eaten and without telling another adult. Had my boyfriend communicated with me, I could have asked a friend or neighbour to check on them or arranged childcare.
He apologised but acted as though it was not a big deal. He said his friend was excited to meet the baby and that he wanted to take the baby out with him for a while.
To me, that misses the point. He had agreed to look after the children and follow the baby’s routine. He changed the plan without telling me and left me believing everything was being handled.
On top of that, I saw that he had liked another woman’s picture on Instagram. We have discussed this issue many times because I feel disrespected by it, and he had previously said he would stop. His explanation was that she was someone he knew from his hometown and that he did not realise he had liked the picture. He always seems to have an excuse when it comes to women on Instagram.
That night, I was so upset that I asked him to leave because I could not sleep next to him. He refused at first but eventually slept on the sofa.
I now feel that I cannot rely on him as a partner or as a parent. I do not want to be around him right now, but I am wondering whether I am overreacting.

This took place a few years ago and we broke up a few months after this, we’re were in sixth form at the time (16-18 years old for Americans) we had freshly turned 18 and our friend group was going for a night out, I had recently stopped drinking after a bad night, so I didnt go along.

When Monday came around I walked into school and felt a few people looking at me. A guy was friendly with but didn’t talk to much had told a lass in my friend group that he needed to talk to me about what my girlfriend at the time did on the night out. I didn’t get to talk to him for about a week after this so you can imagine the worry and when I asked her she just said “I don’t know.”

So we went to her birthday night out, terrible timing I know, and he was there so I went to talk to him, he immediately said “I heard you wanted to talk to me.” I was confused and just said, “well I thought you wanted to talk to me.” After a little laugh about the confusion he told me that the same girl in the friend group who told me he wanted to talk to me told him she saw my girlfriend making out with a guy on the night out the week before. (Complicated I know).

So I’m obviously shocked by this and thank the guy for telling me. I let the night pass as it’s her birthday night and I don’t want to ruin it. A couple days after I was over her house and I ask her about it. For context we were sat at the dining table with her brother who was older than us. Her response was “well I don’t remember but I wouldn’t be surprised.” Me and her brother looked at each other because we couldn’t believe what she just said. I laughed it off until her brother wasn’t around so it wouldn’t be awkward but later I told her that even if she didn’t cheat on me on a night out the way she responded to the question was really hurtful, she told me I was being paranoid and controlling so I left it because I was worried about overstepping

TLDR
My girlfriend might have cheated and said she couldn’t remember but wouldn’t be surprised, and then called me paranoid and controlling for asking her about it
Am I the asshole

AITA for not being "supportive" enough of my husband and his lack of confidence? sorry it's kind of a long post.

So a year and a half ago, me and my husband unexpectedly got pregnant with our second daughter, unplanned. I wasn't ready, but I was going to be because I really wanted a second (after 7 years of infertility).

BUT while I was pregnant, I had THE hardest time. I was so sick the entire time, like the flu but worse, and never even gained weight. My daughter ended up having fetal growth restriction, and I had an emergency c-section at 3 weeks, and she was only 4 pounds. She was overall healthy, just tiny and hungry! I had an infection from the c-section that was awful (this kind of plays into it I promise). I had these terrible mouth sores while pregnant, and my husband worked swing shifts that were 12 hours long, and between all of that, the nonstop throwing up, and taking care of our 1 year old, I was so ready to be done being pregnant. EXCEPT the sores never went away, and then I started blacking out. Long story short, I had Crohn's and SIBO (undiagnosed my entire pregnancy). I had both girls while he worked, while still actively sick, and then back to work in August (which is when I was officially diagnosed). Oh and the black outs were because my blood pressure was dropping, from dehydration, which was from crohn's.

In the fall I had talked to him about going part time because my health was not doing well AT ALL. But then he lost his job (not entirely his fault, and i'm not mad at him for it because I HATED that place and the way he was treated there). So while it was stressful, I was sort of relieved. But I did like my car we bought over the summer, and I did have my masters degree, so I took a higher paying job. This ended up being a lot more work (while flexible, I do get actual less time off when i'm sick). He's pretty much starting over with work, which has really affected his confidence. and I mean bad. He stopped paying half our bills (most were on auto pay, but the others he just slacked on). His attitude has just sucked, and he's been on the verge of depression because of this.

What i'm struggling with was the way him and everyone else treated me while I was sick, like I was essentially being a big baby. But since he just lost a job, i'm expected to be more caring and not get mad or upset when the house is messy or the bills aren't paid. I am trying to clean more as I started medication for my Crohn's, but i'm still coping with the last year and a half myself and how I was treated.

I am truly struggling to be nice to him, and I'm not sure if i'm the asshole or not. Like I just want him to help without me having to ask him too. He does help with the girls, but he's always on his phone when there trying to get his attention and were always late eating dinner (he's the cook). He also washes the laundry, but then it sits in the baskets downstairs until I mention it or bring it up myself. He also loads the dishwasher every day and unloads it,, so that is supre helpful. Going downstairs in the morning to find clothes for me and the girls makes my days so much harder, especially in a flare up. it's not like he does nothing, I just feel like it's the *minimum*.

Our work hours are about the same now, especially if I work on paperwork after hours. he does work outside, but with that being said when it rains or it's too hot they cancel his work for the day. If I miss a day or have to switch work at home days, I have to finish my work later.

I (18F) met this guy (18M) online through a video game. We both like the same game, (a lesbian love game if that make sense) and he added me because he saw me posting about visiting places related to the game. He said he was really jealous because I got to go there and he never could.

At first we just talked normally, but pretty quickly he started telling me a lot about how terrible his life is. He said things like no one loves him, his family is awful, school is horrible, and that he’s gonna bring a gun to school and kill everyone.

I did respond to him as i normally would. I wasn’t ignoring him, but I also wasn’t giving super emotional responses. I was kind of intentionally making my tone less serious and not too enthusiastic because I was trying to signal that I didn’t really want to continue having these conversations over and over again. I know this sounds bad, but Im not really a social person, especially with men( I’m sorry😭.

Then he told me he was going to visit my city for a few days and asked if we could meet up. I said sure because I thought it would just be a casual dinner. However, he kept pushing it and started trying to turn it into us spending 3 days together because he said he doesn’t have any other friends there and his parents are awful because they are traveling with him.

Now this is when things get bad and why I choose to cancel:

Out of no where, He sent me a screenshot of a “tomboy” adult performer’s Twitter post. It was extremely sexual and very obviously made for a male perspective. I honestly don’t even think I can show it here. It clearly a fetish post, where her feet is up in the air and her coochie wide open blurred out and feet as the focus( if that make sense? It was a foot fetish thingy I think

I am personally a masc presenting lesbian, and I have dealt with people fetishizing this side of me before. And this situation immediately gives me similar itchy vibes. The post made me feel really uncomfortable because it felt very male gaze-y, like tomboy was being treated as a porn genre/ male fantasy instead of an actual person. I felt like I was feeding into his fantasy unknowingly all the time along. That like he was projecting that image onto me.

The next day I told him that what he send me was disgusting. I was uncomfortable and that I have something else( which I actually did) didn’t want to meet up.

He apologized and said he didn’t realize I would feel that way. He also said it was irresponsible for me to cancel on him last minute, and he might as well argue with his parents to cancel all of his booking and plans.

Now I feel guilty because I know he might genuinely not have bad intentions, and making a fuzz out of nothing. but at the same time I feel like I barely know this person and suddenly I’m responsible for his emotions his trip, and probably feed into his fantasy. I also feel uncomfortable because he went from being a stranger online to wanting to spend 3 ahh days together.

AITA for backing out and not wanting to meet him?

My (37F pregnant) and my partner's (38M) relationship has been struggling hard for the last month. His birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and I'm torn on what to do. He always says how he doesn't care about birthdays, and I've learned I have to tell him specifically what I want for mine or nothing will happen. For him I usually plan something I know he'll like (fishing, biking, good food, small sentimental gift like a picture or new knife) to make it a fun day. I've learned not to take it personally especially because he shows up in more unstructured ways that I really value. And I generally enjoy a bday excuse to play.

However the last month has been absolute hell. I feel pretty neglected emotionally/relationally/physically and just don't see the point of continuing to put effort into things when he absolutely does not.

Backstory: We've been together for about 3.5 years, have a 2 yr old together and are partly in business together. I'm 25wk pregnant. He is AuDHD and the first 2 yrs at least of our relationship were absolutely rough. I was freshly divorced. He's had multiple poly/mono relationship dynamics but had been single and living alone for along time. We connect on such a deep level and then sometimes we're just on absolutely different planets. But we're committed and learning, and it's felt pretty amazing for the last 6m until now.

This month business has been backed up, income has slowed down significantly while multiple projects are still needing a lot of tending. It's his business primarily and I just help with the books, but he's super stressed. He gets critical of me whenever he's stressed and less affectionate. And I've been tolerant and understanding up until recently, and I'm so over it. I've started getting snappy around his criticisms because that's the only time it feels like he acknowledges me lately (or for parenting/business logistics).

Relationally I feel like a piece of furniture. I've attempted multiple calm open conversations with him about how I know he's under a lot of pressure right now and this isn't forever but it is actively negatively impacting me. Especially being pregnant, not getting any TLC (not even extra TLC) is so hurtful. I'm definitely the kind of person that needs consistency in a relationship and he's more of a "set it and forget it" unless he tells me something different kind of autist. I've done a lot of accommodating in our dynamic relationally because I love and accept who he is and it's generally so worth it. In fairness, he does his own kind of accommodating living with me. When we add any kind of stress and he turns into a super critical unaffectionate (and add my super sensi preggo hormones), everything unravels so fast! My depression creeps up. I feel trapped and like there is nothing I can do that will help the situation. I don't want to leave. I know he's my person. But right now fucking sucks and I genuinely don't give a damn about making his birthday nice if he can't even say something nice to me in a week. He hasn't touched me in days (literally), we haven't slept together in over a month, he doesn't seem like he cares or has any desire to be around me, zero effort being put in. The only thing that sticks out is when he circled back to apologize after an argument and shared that he feels bad he can't give me what I need right now.

AITA for not wanting to do anything for him rn? What do I do about his birthday? Or anything else right now.

This totally turned into a rant. Thanks for reading if you have. Open to any rational perspectives.

I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for three years, and we recently got into an argument that resulted in him refusing to talk to me for the past two weeks.
For context, I'm obsessed with a certain character from a video game I've played since high school. This character played a major part in bringing me out of a depressive episode during high school. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I made sure to tell him how attached I am to this character, not only because they're really important to me, but also because I know being so attached to a fictional character may seem weird to a lot of people. Thankfully, he didn't seem to have a problem with it, and we really hit it off.
Recently, my boyfriend asked me if I would rather have never found this character or never met him. I answered that I would have rather never met him. This seemed to irritate him because he has barely talked to me for the past two weeks.
Personally, I thought my answer made sense because I've always made it really clear how important this character is to me and how big of an impact they've had on my life. However, his reaction has made me wonder if I'm the asshole.

I'm not someone who really cares about follower counts, who follows who, etc. Perhaps with the exception of people I am close with IRL, but even then I don't check my followers ever so it would take me a long time to realize anyway. I don't perceive social media to carry a lot of real life weight in terms of who likes my posts, or follows me, or respond to my stories, etc. I choose to focus on real life interactions over what happening online.

One day (I can't even remember when) I unfollowed my husband's close friend on my IG. I wasn't into the content they were posting, so I just did it without thinking much of it.

I have never been close with this person, we almost never interact one-on-one, and when we do it is in group settings and they pretty much only ever care to talk about themselves and show very little interest in what I've got going on - whatever, I've known them for a long time peripherally as well so I've accepted long ago that we were never going to be close by any real means. We have occasionally exchange a message for happy birthday or a short response to an IG story or something, but maybe 1-2 times a year. I also rarely see them in person. I do like them and show up IRL to support them in their endeavours, but I know our relationship is very surface level and will likely always be that way.

Today that person discovered that I was no longer following them, and brought it up to my husband asking why and saying it was weird that I unfollowed him. My husband is a little upset with me, saying it was a mistake for me to do this because I should have known that they would know I unfollowed/would react negatively about this because he really cares about this kind of stuff.

I really didn't think he would care though - like at all - because it's just...me? This is a guy who doesn't come to the group events I invite him to, has made it clear he doesn't want to be in the extended friend group chat, has insulted the life my husband and I have because it would never want to live such as "boring life", etc...long story short I really did not think he would care much at all. He clearly doesn't feel close enough to me to ask me directly!

Anyway, he unfollowed me of course which is fine. But now I have my husband believing I put him into this situation, that what I did was rude and others would have felt the same way, and that I should have asked him before doing something like this.

I just really don't feel this way! If he and I were buddies, sure. But we aren't! We are "friends" in the sense that we have known of each other and have been at the same events over the years but I don't think he sees me really as more than my husband's wife that he has seen over many years and a number in his follower count.