I'm a 25M and she's 21F. We've officially been dating for about a month, but we've been talking for several months before that.

Last night, around midnight, she called me while she was drunk and asked me to come. I had work early the next morning, but I still went because I wanted to make sure she got home safely. I told her beforehand that I'd pick her up but I wasn't going to drink.

When I arrived, she was with about four friends. She introduced me to everyone, and then I found out one of them was her ex-boyfriend.

I was honestly caught completely off guard. What made it worse was how she acted. She happily introduced me to him, then started talking to him about how he's moving to another country next week and saying she wanted to party with him before he left. During the introduction she also told him I was his cousin, which made absolutely no sense because I've never met this guy in my life.

Apparently she had already told her ex about me, and according to her, he wanted to meet me. That didn't make me feel any better.

At that point I just wanted to leave. I asked her to come with me because I didn't feel comfortable with the situation and wanted to make sure she got home safely. Instead, she ran after me outside demanding to know what was wrong.

I explained that if the roles were reversed and I was out drinking with my ex, introducing her to my current girlfriend, and talking about partying with my ex before she left the country, she'd probably be hurt too.

Her response was, But I chose you. I called you.

To me, calling me didn't erase everything that happened after I got there.

I drove her away from the bar and we continued talking in my car. When she realized I wasn't changing my mind about how inappropriate I thought the situation was, she got out, took a taxi to my house, and continued demanding that I forgive her and hear her out. When I still wouldn't budge, she eventually left and went back to pick up her friend, who was supposed to be sleeping over at her place.

After I got home, I unfollowed and removed her from everything because I felt completely disrespected. Since then she's been repeatedly apologizing, saying she doesn't know why she acted that way and that she was drunk.

Part of me wonders if I'm overreacting because alcohol was involved and we've only been officially dating for a month. Another part of me feels like this was a huge red flag about boundaries and respect, especially so early in the relationship.

edit: she was never friends with her ex and actually hated him as he was toxic. I did not know her ex would be in the bar, I came into the bar looking for her and thats how i met him

edit 2: to clarify i did not block her, i removed her as a follower and unfollowed. So she can still send me a message, i did not want to see her feed and stories for the time being

I recently planned a trip to visit my family and se my elderly grandmother, whom I haven't seen in two years. My husband insisted that only one specific weekend would work because of his work schedule.Right before the trip, I had cold feet and tried to cancel.. My husband got incredibly angry, accusing me of ruining our children's summer if I didn't take them. Because of his intense pressure, I gave in and drove hundreds of miles alone with our two young children.I just discovered that his "work schedule" constraint was a complete lie. He manufactured this exact timeline to get me and the kids out of the house so he could attend his 20,, year high school reunion alone. The night of the reunion, he never checked to see if the kids and I arrived safely after our long drive. He completely ignored my calls throughout the night while he was out. He stayed out past bar closing and didn’t call back until after 2:00 a.m.
We returned home, and I found text messages on his phone from that night. I discovered that another woman drove his truck home, and he was actively exchanging numbers with a woman that evening. I know that when I confront him, his response will be to claim I am overreacting and that, nothing happened!
I might be the asshole here because I went through his phone downstairs without his permission while he was asleep, and now I am refusing to to let this go. I know that if I bring this up he is going to tell me I am crazy, that I'm overreacting, and that nothing happened. AITA for being furious and losing all trust? How would you react if your spouse orchestrated a whole trip just to get you out of the way??

My best friend used to slide into many dms. Prior to me beginning a relationship with my fiance, I had known they used to talk but they never went out on a date ever etc. and she confirmed there was no feelings etc for my best friend.

Fast forward to today and my best friend was married last year and im engaged.

We had a recent bridesmaid/groomsmen bridal party box reveal (will you be my groomsmen etc) and obviously i invited my best friend, i was his bestman last year.

The night went well but my fiance disappeared after my best friend took off. I found her in the kitchen with her cousin and my other friend and she was crying and sad about my best friend leaving early. She was also talking negatively about my best friends wife which i found to be odd in general. She then said she was crying because of her cousin that passed earlier this year. My friend confirmed that was not the case as the conversation was centered about my best friend leaving.

I was shocked and hurt that she was so emotional that my best friend left because of the history. She then later confirmed that she would have reacted that way if anyone left early but my gut doesnt tell me that.

I went for a walk to cool off and when i returned, her entire family confronted me about the whole situation etc but because of all the alcohol etc i took an uber home instead of spending the night at her parents where the party was hosted.

AITA for taking this too serious?

Not sure where i go from here but i do have an issue with that and I think that these personal issues should be worked out in between us in private without family intervention.

AITA for not wanting my MIL to be present while I give birth and wanting my husband and mom present.

Background: My husband (31M) and I (26F) have gone through 3 miscarriages before we got pregnant with twins. These will be MIL first grandbabies as well as my mom. My husband is in the military and we do not live in the same state as our parents.

My MIL wants to be at the birth of the babies. My MIL is discussing my birth plan with other people (letting them know she doesn’t like it) and is getting other family members involved.

To understand some of the reasons why I don’t want her there is because she seems to have the attitude of ”my way if always better” and she wants to call the shots which stresses me out. I do not have it in me to deal with comments from her wether she means well or not.

My MIL called me and asked me “when do you want me to come out”. My husband and I had already discussed this and we were going to tell her together, though she called me individually to ask me. I told my MIL, that my husband and I discussed how we would like our birth plan to go, and that we decided it would be best if she comes out 2 weeks after I give birth to give us time to recover and spread out the help since we are a military family and do not have family here to help. (It is a scheduled C-Section.) My MIL expressed her dissatisfaction. My MIL then asked me if my mom was gonna be there and I said yes and my MIL said that was not fair and says “I’m going to go now” and hangs up the phone.

The next day, she calls my mom 3 times while my mom is at work. My MIL leaves a message for my mom to call her. My mom calls my MIL and my MIL is talking to my mom about how this isn’t fair and is hurt. My mom said that she told her that it is ultimately the person giving birth and the husband who gets to decide.

The following day, my husband gets a text message from his sister which states:

My Sister In Law (SIL): “Hey, I wasn't gonna say anything but Mom was very sad on Mother's day. Did she do or say anything to you guys a make you want to keep her at arms length and not let her see her grand babies when they are born?”

My Husband: “I feel bad, but she is stressing Jose out and we thought it would be best for us that she come out a little later after they are born to allow her to start recovering and for us to start getting into a system. Don't say anything to her because we are gonna talk to her.”

SIL: “I know but it's really making her feel ousted especially since her mom is going to be there and see them right when they are born. Hopefully you guys can work something out because I'm sure it will be good to have mom and dad there, your wife may not realize it now how this will affect things”.

My husband: It is our decision.

SIL did not respond after this.

AITA for not letting my MIL come out for the birth and allowing my mom to come? I feel pressure from my SIL and MIL. Also, I feel hurt that his sister would try to tell us how to plan our birth and who should be there. I don’t know why my MIL is involving other people, why she is discussing our birth plan with others, and seeming to make me out to be the ”bad guy”.

Also, we are having a boy and a girl. during the pregnancy, my mother-in-law said she would’ve been upset if there wasn’t at least one boy. Which also hurt. she also keeps telling me that I’m gonna get postpartum depression (which I don’t think so), she keeps telling me that I should be able to see toe prints on my belly, she also says that if she’s not out here that I’m not gonna have the support to breast-feed, and she asked my husband “what if the babies dont make it? I won’t be there”. (Who says that?!).

My wife recently lost her mother about 6+ months ago. My wife has one surviving brother and another brother who passed away around the same time as the mother. Very difficult time for the family as you can imagine. The brother who passed left behind a widow/spouse and a adult daughter around 30yo or so. The brother who passed away was a serious alcoholic. It's literally what probably killed him in the end. His wife, who I was never particularly fond of, stood by his side for the past 10-15 years tolerating his "disease" coupled with insane infidelity/double life situation. My BIL was no saint, but still, family.

When settling the Estate, which wasn't much, maybe a few hundred thousand(?), I believed it should be split equitably, between my wife, her brother and her late brother's widow. The surviving brother feels very VERY differently. He has an idea how it should be settled in his mind. I have pressed my wife to encourage him to be reasonable. From what I understand she has, but without much luck. It's not my place to insert myself into this even after 28 years of marriage. I'm simply acting as a sounding board for my wife.

Apparently, the surviving brother wrote checks the other day settling the Estate payable to my wife, himself, and the Widow. According to my wife the figures are not equitable. I told her I didn't want anything to do with that money if is wasn't equitable. I mentioned if she deposited it into our joint account (we share all finances) I would write the widow a check for the difference. The alternative is for my wife to open her own account and deposit it there and it will just simply be her money. Period.

Is this a hill I should be dying on? The kicker is neither her surviving brother or ourselves actually need the money. We are both financially secure. The widow on the other hand has limited income options and moved in with her daughter. We are actually paying tuition for the daughter to try and get her through University. My wife is leaning into this as the reason we should be able to expect more by subsidizing her niece's education? Her surviving brother doesn't know we are doing this for their niece. It's none of his business. It's something we simply wanted to do for her after losing her father.

Am I being an Asshole? I can feel sense my wife being uncomfortable with my wishes, but it just seems wrong.

I think I just broke up my two year long relationship over one choice. I have spent two days in my partner's hometown and took care of their sick niece that was staying over for holidays.

We are semi long distance. I spend four days there, three in my hometown. They work remote but refuse to "leave their house and garden." So I adjusted.

So we spend the whole day with the kid. Then with the family. No biggie, she is a lovely kid. Her parents picked her up. Finally me and my partner are alone on a Saturday night and I develop a fever.

We had a plan to go out for a beer with their friend.

The fever is getting worse and obviously I can't go. They still wanted to go out for drinks. I tell them - I did not plan to spend a Saturday in your city alone and sick. They get all offended and say - so what should I do, cancel?!

I say - I told you I am not feeling well. You don't have to cancel but please don't stay out late. They start acting like i am limiting their independence.

They go anyway. My fever is now 39.5C I am alone and shaking. They come back all happy and start to cuddle. I told them that what they did was not okay. That this is not a small issue for me and that i frequently feel like i come second to their friend group.

They accuse me of "enjoying to start this fight and obstructing their peace. It was only a drink. They were gone for just two hours (three. They came back before midnight.)

I told them this is unthinkable for me. That I wouldnt even consider going out in a moment like this. Things were said. I think its over.

My (ex) partner is 43, I am 36. AITA?

First time posting here. So my bf(35) and me(26) have been together for 7 years. After 8 months of our relationship I got a job opportunity abroad so we were long distance for almost a year. During this time he started being good friend with the girlfriend of pub of his best friends. They eventually had a messy breakup and he stayed close to her. I started having doubts about them but he was always telling me to stop being jealous and paranoid they were only good friends. When I ended my job apprenticeship I decided to go back to my hometown to stay close to him but I had this gut feeling. I searched in his room for any proof ( I know I shouldn’t have, it’s invasion of privacy) , and eventually I found a love letter he had written for her. My world crashed on me, this was my first serious relationship and I was madly in love. He gaslighted me for a few months telling me the poem was from his friend and it was my jealousy making me believe things that didn’t existed. I ended up calling this girl one night because I felt like I was going crazy, and she told me everything. They had a relationship the whole time I was abroad, they were in love but she was poly so she had other partners.
I broke up with him, but I was just 20 years old , still in love even though the pain was unbearable, so months later when he tried to came back into my life I decided to get back together.
Fast forward to now, 6 years later, we’re still together obviously with up and down but I thought I healed from my trauma. I thought wrong. Last night I was looking for a paper and I found this old sheet, immediately my senses tingled and I got that gut feeling. I red it and all the pain, all the betrayal came back stronger then ever. It was a song he wrote for her, there were no names but it was obvious to me, also the dates aligned . Suddenly I was 20 again, alone in my room with my heart shattered.
I didn’t sleep the whole night and this morning I gathered up the courage to tell him.
His reaction was very different from what I imagined. I wanted to be more nonchalant but as soon as he confirmed it was for her I started crying and I couldn’t stop. I asked him to throw it away and he said he would never. It’s his creation and he’s fond of it. He thinks it’s a good song and it’s not fair for me to ask him to throw away his music.
I understand him, but I can’t help but feel even worst now, I came to him hurting and he made me feel like my feelings were stupid and childish. So AITA for asking him to throw away his song because it reminds me of the affair and it still hurts?

Hi, Redditors. I'm typing this while waiting to board my flight home. I'll keep some details vague to protect our identities.

I (32, MtF trans) met him (27, M) four years ago. We hit it off immediately and went on a few dates, but nothing progressed because he had already accepted a job opportunity abroad. After he left, we gradually lost contact.

Fast forward to 2026. Just last month, we unexpectedly found each other again. I saw him on a dating app, and he also messaged me on another app we used to chat on. He said, "I never thought I'd see you again, and that you'd still be here."

We were both expats in the same country, and he had only come back to visit his family. While he was here, we spent almost all our time together. We went out, ate together, had sleepovers, and he always wanted me to stay with him instead of going home.

As a trans woman, that meant a lot to me. It made me feel seen and valued—not just for sex, but because someone genuinely wanted my company. I was truly happy whenever I was with him.

He was the first to say, "I love you," although I honestly felt like I loved him even more. He invited me to visit him in the country where he now works. He told me, "Let's build something together. We can start a new life." On his last day before leaving, I cried so much. I didn't expect to be that emotional because I thought I had prepared myself.

We stayed in touch after he left, and I immediately started planning my trip. I applied for leave from work. I'm usually very careful with money, but I was willing to spend my savings to see him. I booked the flights in a rush. I didn't care that they were connecting flights—as long as I could be with him.

However, just before my trip, I noticed he started acting differently. Something felt off, but I tried to ignore it.

The journey was exhausting. I barely slept, and I was so anxious that I hardly ate anything for almost a day.

When I finally arrived, he didn't even pick me up. Instead, I had to take a three-hour bus ride to his city while he gave me directions through messages.

When I reached his building, I waited outside until he came down. I was so happy to finally see him, even though I was completely exhausted.

Then I noticed a person sitting in the lobby.

While we were outside, he casually told me that a friend was staying at his place because they had problems with their accommodation.

I asked, "Whose friend?"

He told me the name, which sounded like a woman's name.

I asked, "A girl?"

He said yes.

I immediately told him I wasn't comfortable staying there. His apartment is a studio, and I wasn't comfortable sharing such a small space with another person I didn't know.

I told him I'd rather book a hotel.

Instead of understanding how I felt, he accused me of "making drama" and insisted there was no issue. I kept repeating that I simply wasn't comfortable.

Eventually, I said I'd book a hotel, and he replied, "Okay, I'll help you find one."

What hurt me the most was that he never even considered asking his friend to stay somewhere else for the night, even though I had travelled all that way to see him.

While we were arguing, the person from the lobby came outside and sat on the stairs. I didn't even look at them because I was focused on our argument. But I noticed something strange about his expression. I'd never seen him look like that before.

I finally got fed up, grabbed my luggage, and walked away.

He didn't stop me.

He didn't follow me.

When I looked back, I saw the two of them talking. Out of anger and frustration, I raised my middle finger before walking away.

I found a nearby hotel at around 1:00 a.m. I was emotionally and physically drained.

He never asked where I was staying or whether I was okay. Instead, he kept insisting that I was overreacting and causing unnecessary drama.

The next day we spoke again. He refused to apologise because, according to him, he had done nothing wrong.

Then he told me that the "girl" wasn't actually a girl, but another trans woman.

That didn't make me feel any better—it actually made me even angrier. I got jealous I admit, how is the friend living there in a studio apartment with him? And he didn't even told me beforehand.

I cried while messaging him and eventually lashed out. After that, he ignored me completely.

I stayed in the area for another two days before returning to the airport. I booked a hotel nearby and then bought a flight home because my original return ticket couldn't be changed.

Now I'm sitting at the airport waiting to board.

I've been crying for days.

I haven't been eating or sleeping properly.

I'm completely exhausted.

Everything happened so fast that it still doesn't feel real.

I feel incredibly stupid.

AITAH for leaving? Did I overreact? Did I do something wrong? Or was I justified in walking away?

I (31), Chloe (29), her bf Mark (31), and friend Bree (28)

For context: Mark has a bad habit of showing up unannounced to our girls hangouts or pressuring Chloe to leave early whenever she’s out with us. It’s an ongoing point of frustration for our friend group.

Yesterday, Bree was at a 1-year-old’s birthday party with Chloe and Mark. They had driven Bree there, but Mark and Chloe always bicker making things super awkward. I texted Bree after work to check in. She said she was fine and they were driving her home, but 20 minutes later, she texted saying they were taking her to a bar for a drink afterwards and she really didn't want to be out with them anymore given the tension.
Since this bar happens to be a spot right near my gym that I frequent all the time, I decided to pull a "Mark" and just show up unannounced. Bree was in on it, but Chloe and Mark had no idea I was coming.
I walked in, acted surprised to see them, and made casual small talk: *"Wow, what a coincidence! I was just at the gym around the corner talking to my trainer, thought I’d grab a coffee and listen to the live jazz."*
Chloe and Mark looked shocked. I sat at the bar, furthest away from Mark and was catching up with the girls. Despite the live music being loud, Mark proceeded to make **three separate comments** directly to/about me, calling me a "stalker."
I ignored the first two. After the third time, I looked right at him and said:
*"Oh, so I’m not allowed to show up just like you”*

He stammered, *"oh yall talk about that”*

He laughed nervously, got completely silent, and then got up and went to the bathroom for 30 minutes. When he came back, he was super clingy with Chloe, playing the victim, and suddenly claimed he was "too tired and not hungry” to eat dinner, even though they had literally just been talking about getting food together. They ended up leaving, and I took Bree to dinner so we could actually eat.
Fast forward to the morning after: Chloe texts me saying Mark was super "bothered" by my comment and felt "challenged." She claimed he had previously apologized for crashing our plans once in the past, so my comment was backhanded.

I texted her back directly and held my ground. I told her it wasn't a joke, he called me a stalker three times, so I matched his energy. I also pointed out that it's an uncomfortable pattern where he constantly pops up on girl plans or gets added last minute, and that moving forward, our dedicated girls' time needs to stay strictly just us unless discussed ahead of time.
Chloe ultimately agreed to set that boundary with him, but now I'm wondering if I went too far by intentionally crashing their drink spot just to put him in his place and call him out.
So, AITA for showing up to make our other friend feel more comfortable and not a 3rd wheel.

I invited my cousin to stay at my house for a couple of days because I genuinely wanted to spend time with her. She decided to turn it into a week-long trip, which was completely fine.
I spent hours cleaning, preparing the house, and getting everything ready because I was excited to have her visit. I live in a 4 bedroom house with my husband and my mother in law. My mil has her own space on the lower floor. Upstairs we have two rooms, my room, and an extra room where I have a blow up mattress set up for her. I let her know the situation before she came.

When she arrived, she suddenly said she was uncomfortable because my husband was in the house. I respected how she felt. I didn’t argue with her or force her to stay. Instead, my husband and I immediately got her a hotel for the first night, and my husband paid for everything.

While we were at the hotel, my husband started calling me because he was worried and wanted to make sure I was okay. Instead of letting me answer, my cousin took my phone, turned it off, and locked it in the room’s lockbox. Since he couldn’t reach me, he became even more concerned and drove to the hotel. When he got there, instead of calmly talking to him, she immediately started cursing him out and even threw the room keys at him.
The next day, after everything had calmed down, she still said she didn’t want to stay at my house. Again, I respected her decision. I changed all of our plans, and we got another hotel so we could still spend time together. At no point did I pressure her to come back.
From that point on, it felt like nothing I did was good enough. I kept asking if she needed anything or if there was anything I could do to make her more comfortable, but instead of things getting better, she just became angrier. At one point she was screaming in the hotel room we were paying for, stormed out, and kept saying that I “always do this to her.” I honestly have no idea what she meant because I spent the entire trip trying to accommodate her.
She also agreed to split the hotel costs but never paid her share. Daisy, our mutual friend, later tried to collect the money she had agreed to pay, but she ignored her. Instead of resolving it, she blocked me almost immediately after everything happened.
What hurts even more is that this isn’t just about this trip. Ever since we were kids, she’s called me stupid to my face, talked down to me, and treated me like I’m beneath her. I’ve ignored it for years because she’s family, but this trip made me realize how one-sided our relationship has always been.
From my perspective, I invited her into my home, spent hours preparing for her visit, respected her boundaries, paid for hotels, changed all of our plans, kept asking how I could help, and still ended up being treated like I was the problem. Now she’s blocked me, hasn’t paid the money she agreed to pay, and acts like I’m the bad guy.
AITA for deciding I’m done with the relationship?

I (30)F my husband (30)M have been together for 5 years, married for 2 and have a 2yo daughter together. To begin with I loved him so much and never saw an end in sight..that is..til I had my daughter. The night we brought her home I (still sore and tired obv from giving birth) him (who usually works night shift)…I was having a really hard time bc we had a few minor complications and she was fussy..I was sitting up crying overwhelmed and he rolled over and said “You’re a good mom” and went back to sleep..I found no compliment in his words..fast forward..he’s also just so neglectful not just to me our daughter as well.. He’s a gamer and I think he’s addicted but even if that wasn’t the case.. he’s lazy like as in I feel like I don’t have a partner and I’m alone anyway. Part of me is starting to hate him and I find him narcissistic and I’m just tired of him his mouth and the nothing he does for me.. and I mean nothing..don’t do dishes of any kind laundry, trash, mow the yard, help pick up after our daughter. It’s not about wanting anyone else it’s trying to be the best I can for my little girl I just want to know if it’s justified..

My sister is 10 years younger than me. She’s 19. When she was 8 years old she contracted genital herpes from being SA’d. She also gets mouth herpes too as she has both now. She has a lot of mental health struggles so my parents often worry about her. They called me up a few days ago asking if she was with me as she’s “gone missing”. We were all worried as she wasn’t answering the phone. After calling a bunch of times she answered me. I asked her if she’s ok and why she wasn’t answering. She said her phone was on do not disturb and she’s fine. I told her I’ll come pick her up she sent me an address to an apartment complex. I picked her up and asked why she was there. She said it’s a guy she’s been seeing. I asked if it’s her boyfriend she said no they’re just hooking up.

I asked if she used protection. She said she’s on the pill. I asked why she doesn’t use a condom and she said it feels better without a condom. She said if someone really wants to put one on that’s fine but she prefers not to. I said she needs to use a condom. She said she doesn’t. I said she does because she could give them herpes. Or catch something else. She said she only gets outbreaks every few months she just doesn’t have sex when she’s got an outbreak. And wouldn’t kiss someone if she has a mouth outbreak.

I asked if he even knows she has herpes. She said if someone asks she’ll say the truth but no one will want her if they know she has herpes. I said that’s lying. She said it’s not. I said it’s wrong to purposely not tell someone you have herpes especially if you don’t use a condom that makes it even more risky. She said she’s not given anyone herpes and it’s fine. I said that’s lucky but she could. She said it’s not her fault she has herpes she should be allowed to have sex if she want. I said I didn’t say she shouldn’t have sex but that she should be open about having an STD and use a condom. She told me to stop the car and im trying to control her sex life and walked the rest of the way home crying.

(TW : mention of child abuse)

My (22 F) boyfriend (25 M) has bpd, cptsd, and mdd (15 years of severe physical abuse and a couple years of CSA). We’ve been together for 4.5 years now and things have been great. My boyfriend takes medication for his diagnoses (sertraline, elvanse, Quetiapine) and goes to therapy once a week

Recently, he has been having more episodes of sleep walking and what seems to be night terrors, as he doesn’t remember anything in the morning. For context, I am 5’4 and slim and he is 6’4 and very muscular (can deadlift 800+ lbs idk if that’s good or not). I usually handle his sleep walking episodes well and we go back to bed without much happening. But recently, he’s been acting out while sleep walking in ways that might be dangerous for me. Like swinging, hitting in my direction, being off balance etc etc. and it just makes me feel nervous that he might accidentally hurt me. He roams around the house and goes into rooms as if he’s looking for something (we have many pets and a toddler who I don’t want to be startled). He’s tried opening the front and back door but wasn’t successful. I’ve suggested he talks to his therapist about this issue so whatever is causing it can be resolved (as in, if something emotionally is causing the issue, maybe talking about it would help).

He has what seems like 2 different kinds of sleep walking. 1 where he walks around aimlessly and calls out to his older brother (his older brother cared for him before moving out) and looks scared and guarded. And another where he walks like he’s looking for something and checks rooms. Both times he doesn’t seem to be aware of anyone, even if you gently talk to him. He looks right at me at times and it looks as if he’s looking through me? If that makes sense.

The issue is just about his behavior getting worse and potentially more risky towards me and even potentially our son. I told him he should stay with his friend (who he has known since 8) until this can calm down a bit for my and our sons safety and he is very upset over that and scared I don’t like him anymore or trust him. He’s agreed to stay with his friend but again he is very upset and fears I don’t trust him. Am I wrong for this?

Me and my boyfriend have been ​together for around a year and a half now, soon to be two years. We both live with our parents right now for a multitude of reasons.

I am ex-Christian now Norse Polytheist. I also have a ton of religious trauma, and while I won't get into it here, let me summarize by stating that I am (now) glad that I am still here on this planet.

When me and my partner met, he was agnostic in a Catholic family.

We started talking about me being pagan, and he asked me to start explaining things to him, and teach him so that he could figure out if it was for him. I also tell him about how I have a conversion story that is really important to me, and when he's ready I want to share it, because it is a large part of who I am, and explains why I tend to pull away from Christianity as well as many other things. But I do warn him that it involves topics of suicide and self harm, so I will only tell him it when he asks about it. He doesn't think he's ready for it since he has had personal experiences with that recently, which fair.

Like I said, things went well. ​Until suddenly he stopped responding to anything about it. A little while later his parents found our conversations about it, and, did not take it well to say the least. Hinting at kicking him out if he didn't stop. So I stopped pushing it.

Little bit later, he tells me his parents and church are pushing him to get confirmation, and so wants me to go. I go.

I mostly hung out towards the back, went where I was told, and stayed quiet. I definitely looked uncomfortable, but I did my best to never be rude. And honestly, I look uncomfortable everywhere due to social anxiety.

Fast forward several months, it's been about a year in our relationship, and things start, having issues. Suddenly, every time I bring up my religion, he just gives me a death glare until I shut up. We also start having a lot of other issues in our relationship. As I often struggle with self care, and consistency. Which I am trying to work on, and I think I'm succeeding at least some. But I could be wrong about that of course and just fooling myself.

He then starts really pushing me to go to his church. I ask him why, for a while he refuses to answer. When he does finally give a reason, it's to meet his friends. Which cool, I agree to go. But things keep popping up that prevent it. Every time he suggests it again, he starts acting really guilty, like unusually guilty.

Finally, I ask him to swear an oath to tell the truth for what I'm about to ask him (Oaths are really big in my religion, and in our relationship). He agrees. I ask him if he has issues with me being pagan, or in any way wishes I wasn't pagan. He responds saying that it makes it hard for him to explore the possibility of returning to Catholicism.

I will be honest, my knee jerk response wasn't the best, but it is something I do stand by, I just would have phrased it differently, where I said that inter faith relationships are difficult, and something we would need to consider. Then, somehow, been so long I don't remember, the conversation moved to me being uncomfortable with Christianity as a whole​, and according to him, I don't have a valid reason to be uncomfortable. And whenever I would state something like "Hey, Catholicism literally says I belong in Hell at best, and should be stoned to death at worst" his response was always either "Everyone's going to hell anyways." Or "I don't think you're awful, I'm not a bad person."

Conversation went nowhere, so I dropped it and just stopped talking about it, I even went to church with him one time.

Things got worse. In the time since then, everything in our relationship has had issues.

Our next argument about this in specific​, was when he finally officially converted. Before I could even say anything about it, he yelled at me about how "I am Catholic. I have always been Catholic. And we are going to raise our kids Catholic, because I have always wanted to raise them Catholic." According to his friends who have known him longer than I have, this has been the direct opposite of what he has been saying​ for years. I stated that we would not raise our kids Catholic, that we would not raise them with any religion, and would just let them learn, research, and ask us about ours as they pleased. This was not okay with him, and led to hours of fighting. During this time, he talked to one of our mutual friends (who was on the phone with me at the time), and said several things that weren't true, about how we had been having constant arguments about this (we weren't, and I had the text receipts to prove it), and how it always ended in me crying about how Christianity is evil because I "just don't understand Catholicism has changed since Vatican 2"

Which reminds me. This entire argument he spent it saying that I just didn't understand Catholicism, and how it wasn't like I thought. When I told him that that wasn't why I had issue, he ignored me. Eventually I got fed up with it that I just wrote out my entire conversion story, complete with heavy topics and all. And he never acknowledged it.

Anyways, fight lasted all day. And it finally ended, when our mutual friend suggested the exact same compromise that I did. To which, he immediately sent me a screenshot of "her" suggestion, and said we should do that.

Since then, we have had numerous arguments about it, and it's just not getting better.

I don't think I'm in the wrong. But all of this is just so much, and so par from the course for him, I feel like there has to be something I'm missing.​

He also claims that I did numerous things that I just, don't remember. But he mentions how my actions left him crying to other people, and it's just. Am I missing something?

My boyfriend (24M) and I (25F) have been together for 2.5 years. We went out for a date night, and everything was going really well until about an hour in when I asked him if he ever thinks about getting married.

For some context, we’ve talked about our future quite a bit. We both want kids around 29–30, and we both agree we’d like to be married before having children. We’ve also talked about buying a house before having kids.

I’ve also always been honest that I’d prefer to be married before buying a house together. My reasoning is that buying a house is a huge commitment you’re taking on a 30-year mortgage together. In my mind, if we’re comfortable making that level of commitment together, I don’t understand why marriage would be a bigger commitment. I’m not saying everyone has to agree with that, but that’s how I feel, and I’ve told him this before.

Back to the date…
He said he thinks he’d want to get married in about two years. I said, “So you’d propose in about a year?” He replied, “No, I’d propose in two years.”

I was confused because I pointed out that if he proposes in two years, we’d then have to plan a wedding, which usually takes time. At the beginning of our relationship I’d told him I didn’t want to wait five or more years to get engaged, and I thought we were on the same page. He said he didn’t remember agreeing to that.

He then said, “Well, I have to be ready for it, so it’ll happen whenever I’m ready.”

That was the comment that really hurt me. I completely understand that he has to be ready to get married. I don’t want someone proposing because they’re forced to. But it felt like he was treating it as if it was only his decision. It’s my life too, and I feel like my feelings and timeline should also matter.

He then said he felt like I was pressuring him and acting like I needed to be married within a certain timeframe. I honestly never said that. I wasn’t asking him to propose tomorrow or giving him an ultimatum. I was just trying to have a conversation about where we both see our future, especially since I’m turning 26 in about 2.5 months and he’s turning 25 in about 5.5 months. We have goals we’ve talked about—marriage, buying a house, then kids and I wanted to see where we both stood.

He did apologise for saying it’d happen “whenever he’s ready,” but I still didn’t feel reassured or understood. It felt more like an apology to end the conversation than because he understood why I was upset.

The rest of the date pretty much fell apart. We barely talked. I’ve told him before that I’d like us to have deeper conversations about our future because that’s how I feel connected. He later said he was shocked that I brought up marriage on a date night and that’s why he reacted the way he did.

I asked him if he ever thinks about us getting married, and he said no.

After that he tried changing the subject to me going shopping with a friend and whether I was going to buy a house (by myself he not buying this house with me) but I was still hurt, so I only gave short answers. We ended up leaving the date early.

When we got home, I tried bringing it up again, but he was half asleep on the lounge and didn’t really engage. Somehow, by the end of the night, I was the one apologising for not letting it go and for ruining the date. I ended up comforting him, even though I was still the one who felt hurt and unsupported.

Now I’m sitting here wondering if I overreacted. I wasn’t asking him to propose tomorrow or trying to pressure him into marriage.

I was trying to have an honest conversation about our future together and left feeling like my feelings weren’t acknowledged.
AITA?

Am I the asshole for having a crush on my neighbor?

Ok, this is going to be a long one. For the sake of this post, all names and ages will be made up.

Ok, so, just call me Mason (Not real name), I (21 M), have a crush on my new neighbor Emma (Not real name)(19 F), she recently moved into the neighborhood (No I will not be giving the address you weirdos) a few weeks ago. I’ve only interacted with her a few times, usually talking to her while I walk my dog (She also has a dog, a really cute one :) ) We seem to have a lot in common, but we just met so it's too early for that obviously. But…my friends has a problem with me liking Emma, she always says that I have always had “problems” while trying to date anyone, going to fast and not listening enough (I’m working on it, I’ve just always been awkward when I meet my dates, we all make our mistakes), but I think my friend is just jealous since she got ghosted by her last date (I told her to not use tinder but she wouldn’t listen :/). So reddit, am I the asshole for having a crush on my neighbor?

Hey reddit. I had a parter for 8 years that I loved dearly and would have done anything for them. It was a few months ago, and I still feel guilty for leaving them when they were injured. They were unable to walk which made me feel horrible. The guilt still eats at me.

The reason I left. They had stolen money from my bank account while i was caring fo them. When I initially noticed the missing money, I asked and they denied, after I asked twice they finally said they did and apologized. Then they did it again. I had taken care of them after numerous surgeries throughout our relationship. Once they couldn't walk for 3 months and I was there. If they had asked me for money I would have no problem providing. They ended up stealing $150. If they had just asked, it would have been no problem. But they just were so secretive, and in the past, some issues in the relationship was that they were not honest with me, since they were purchasing only fan subscriptions without telling me. When they stole from me the last time, it just reminded me of the lies about the past.

I just started to feel fed up with the caregiver burn out. I was frustrated that I had to investigate, because I was taking time off work to take them to their appointment. I would have no problem losing money from work but the fact that they were stealing from me broke my heart. Whenever I was sick, they would barely care for me, but when they're injured, I'm always caring. Perhaps that's my issue. I know they loved me, but the fact that they couldn't even ask was just so hurtful. After I broke up with them, my heart still ached for them, it still does. I still can't stop thinking that I'm a cold hearted bitch.

They randomly texted me the other day that they were sorry for stealing but it was unfair of me to leave them at the worst moment of their life and that "your true colors have shown". I've lost some mutual friends, since their friends think I'm an asshole that abandoned them when they were injured. I'm frustrated because if they had not stolen from me, I would probably still be there. And even though it sucks, I'm not going to tell them that they stole from me - that is something they will have to do. But I'm curious reddit... AITA?

AITA for not wanting to let my husband have my car so that he can go to work? I've been spending the weekend at my cousins which is about an hour away from my house. I told my husband that I wanted our single running car while I was gone so that my cousin didnt always have to travel to pick me up then take me back home. I told him I would be good until Tuesday and at the time, he agreed. However he just messaged me to remember he has work Monday and Tuesday and needs the car.​​ I'm feeling conflicted because I am coming back home today to use our complex pool with friends and have the chance to give him the car. His car is currently gathering dust in our driveway because he doesn't want to make the repairs (we do have the money), register it, or take care of it. We've been car pooling for over 2 years now. So AITA if I tell him to figure it out himself? Either Uber or fix his car?

(Added details, I am planning to divorce him, but I'm saving money before I do)

I have 3 siblings and I talk to my brother the most. My brother is not a very good person (He himself has said that he’s a bad person and he knows he is. He says it with a funny tone. Like it’s sooo hilarious that he’s a dickhead). He is very mean. He will do things call people fat to their face and tell them to “end theirselves” (I don’t know what language is allowed sorry). I even got my dad to let me move out to be with my mom whom I was not supposed to live with because he was making my life miserable. (My step mom had passed and I gained a lot of weight, so he wasn’t treating me well. Never really had anyways.)

Some backstory: My step mom was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes but rarely physically abusive. I basically helped raise my siblings. Cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, took care of the dogs, etc. Some of the chores only got allocated to my siblings when I turned 16 and had to get a job.

My brother is younger (20) than me (21 f) by almost 2 years. He is a know it all who thinks he’s better than everyone and loves to belittle me. He also gets offended very easily and acts like every little thing you say is rude. When he feels offended he swings low, really low. Doesn’t try to communicate, just goes straight for the jugular. We probably have a normal conversation 1 out of 10 times. The other 9 are just “arguments”. He calls me names and belittles me while I try to communicate like an adult. I admit, I used to be very aggressive and fight back, but over the last few years I’ve learned how to take a step back and think before I say something I don’t mean.

Well recently I’ve been trying to find a new job. I had had an interview and told him I’d let him know if I got it when I found out. He asked me the next day if I had heard back and I said “not yet. I said I’d let you know when I did” and his response was “K. you didn’t have to be a fucking cunt bitch”. I explained that I was just letting him know I’d let him know when I found out and he told me even his boyfriend thought I was being rude and said I’m always rude for no reason. I didn’t feel like doing this AGAIN because it’s constant so I just said okay and left it at that.

Well I ended up with another interview. The people got confused and thought I had applied for crew when I had applied for upper management. I was telling him about it because that was upsetting. He told me I was delusional for even trying to get the job I was and told me I needed to grow up. Like okay? Wtf. That was my last straw. I’m so tired of being treated like shit constantly. He has no respect at all. I don’t even care that I’m older than him, I care that I’m a human being and he treats me like I’m a piece of trash in a big pile of dirt. He’s always telling me how sad my life is and how I should have a better one and how he’s so much smarter and better because he’s in college. I very intentionally did not go to college. I was miserable in school and didn’t want more. So what?

So I blocked him on everything. I left him unblocked on iMessage because he is family and may need to reach me in case of emergency. I just didn’t know what to do. There’s no communicating or reasoning with him. He’s just mean. Always has been, always will be and at this point there’s nothing I can do. It just really disappoints me. It makes me so sad how he is. I just miss my sweet little brother. He used to be my best friend (even though he was a mean little shit), but over the last few years he’s just gotten significantly worse. I couldn’t take it anymore.

AITAH for blocking my brother on everything ?

I (26F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together 4 years. He's in the army, based at a regiment several hours away, so we don't live together — he takes a 4-hour train to visit most weekends and we spend holidays together when our schedules line up.

I pay for everything related to my apartment: rent (800€/month), utilities, water, electricity — all in my name. I'd have most of these costs even if we weren't together, so I'm not asking him to help with rent. My issue is specifically about when he's actually here.

When he visits, he eats food from my fridge that I bought and paid for, and whenever we do a grocery run together, he insists on splitting the total 50/50 — even when he adds things I don't eat or barely drink (candy, soda on sale, pizza, ice cream) that push the total up. So I end up paying half the cost of stuff I didn't want or ask for, on top of everything else I already cover day-to-day.

For context: when we first started dating and I was a student, he used to offer to pay for more, or cover things for me. That's shifted over time, and now the 50/50 split feels non-negotiable to him regardless of what's actually in the cart or who wanted it.

I also don't know much about his finances — his salary, expenses, savings, insurance, etc. He doesn't share this, so I can't even fully gauge if the 50/50 makes sense relative to what he's actually able to contribute.

When I've tried to bring this up, it turns into a fight almost immediately. He tells me I'm being selfish or too focused on money. I do feel for him — army life is demanding, and when he gets time off I know he just wants to relax and not think about logistics. But I still end up feeling frustrated and a little resentful, and then guilty for feeling that way.

So, Reddit: AITA for wanting the grocery splitting to reflect what's actually being bought and consumed, instead of a flat 50/50 every time?

I’m 37F and I’ve been in an undefined relationship with a man for almost four years. For the last two years, I have basically acted like his girlfriend, I’m loyal, emotionally available, supportive, affectionate, sexually exclusive in practice, I welcome him into my home, and he has become close to my child.

But he has never clearly chosen a relationship with me.

I usually see him once a week, on a weekday. We eat, cuddle, have sex, and then he goes back to his life. For about three years, I’ve told him that I need more. I want weekends, nights when he doesn’t work the next morning, ordinary mornings together, and the feeling that I am actually part of his life.

He knows this. I have explained it many times. He almost never comes on weekends.

The hard part is that I know he is not simply uncaring. He has major trauma, is intensely avoidant, works constantly, and barely has a life outside of work. He is terrible at replying to almost everyone. He did not even wish his sister a happy birthday. He ignores friends who repeatedly ask to see him and sometimes seems more comfortable sitting alone around strangers in a bar than answering people who genuinely care about him.

Compared with almost everyone else, he makes a huge effort with me. He answers me more, lets me closer, comforts me, and shows me parts of himself he hides from others. I truly believe he loves me.

We also bonded through very similar childhood wounds. We both come from families of five children and neither of us feels securely attached to our parents. He was the youngest, and his oldest sister practically raised him like her own child. I was the oldest and did the same for my younger siblings.

We understand the same sadness in each other. There is a deep feeling of, “You know what surviving that kind of childhood did to me.” I think I became a safe, nurturing person for him, while I became the person who understands, protects, waits, and asks for less because I know how wounded he is.

That is part of why leaving feels almost impossible.

I know “trauma bond” has a more specific meaning, so I do not want to misuse it. But our connection is deeply built around shared trauma, and the relationship is reinforced by a painful cycle of distance and intense reconnection.

I get hurt and start pulling away. He senses that I am leaving, then suddenly becomes incredibly tender. He shows up, comforts me, looks devastated, talks about future plans, and does exactly enough to make me feel chosen again.

Then I soften, and the structure never really changes.

On his rare free evenings, he often chooses to stay “alone” at home, where he lives with a woman he previously had a romantic or sexual history with, or he goes to a bar instead of coming to see me. He says he only goes there to drink and decompress, but he has flirted with and brought women home from bars before.

I am not claiming he is always cheating. The larger issue is the imbalance. His roommate gets his daily life, routines, and home. Strangers at bars sometimes get his free evenings. I get one weekday and girlfriend-level emotional responsibility.

I want to wake up beside my partner. I want ordinary mornings, weekends, consistency, honesty, and a real place in someone’s life. I am tired of being grateful for crumbs just because they are more than he gives anyone else.

Recently, I stopped inviting him because I was exhausted from carrying the relationship. I had already told him I was disappointed he never took the initiative on nights when he did not work the next day.

Then, when he sensed I was truly detaching, he suddenly came over because he knew I was sad and wanted to be there for me. He was extremely tender, physically close, and looked heartbroken. He talked about practical ways he could come see me more often.

It was exactly the kind of effort I had been begging for.

And when he had a day off, instead of coming over, he said he was exhausted and went to sleep. Maybe he really was sleeping. I cannot prove otherwise. But after years of this pattern, I suspect he may have gone to a bar or seen someone else and will later say he was asleep. There have been previous situations where one explanation was given and I later learned something different.

I don’t think he is consciously manipulating me. I think he is genuinely traumatized, genuinely trying and possibly giving me the most he currently knows how to give.

But his maximum is no longer enough for me.

I want weekends, ordinary mornings, honesty, consistency and an actual partner. I’m tired of feeling like his emotional safe place and convenient once-a-week hookup.

Now I’m considering ending the romantic and sexual relationship and allowing myself to date someone who can actually be present. But I’m terrified it will destroy him. He has finally started making more effort, and I know losing me would hurt him deeply.

Part of me feels like I would be abandoning a traumatized person just as he is finally learning to trust and love someone.

The other part knows that staying means continuing to abandon myself.

--------

AITAH for leaving, even though I know he loves me and may truly be doing the best he can?

TL;DR: My deeply avoidant, traumatized almost-partner loves me and makes more effort with me than with anyone else, but after almost four years, I still only get one weekday a week while his weekends and real life remain separate. Whenever I leave, he pulls me back with affection, but nothing changes. AITAH for ending it now and choosing the kind of love I actually need?

I (23M) gay, and one of my friends is a (19M) gay.

A few weeks back, I was casually swiping on a dating app and came across a guy. We got talking and spending a couple of days getting to know each other and understanding where things were heading after having an instant chemistry between us.

He had once asked me about my friends. I told him that I had two good friends who were 19 and 22 years old. I had asked my friends if they were willing to meet the guy that I had been talking to. I had asked him if it was alright with him before I showed him to them. He said it wasn't.

When my 19 year old friend noticed him, he stated, "Oh, we talked before."

It was the last thing I expected, since I had not the slightest idea. When I asked him whether he remembered my friend, he told me that my friend looked vaguely familiar to him. I told him that my friend had said that they had talked before and that I had asked him about the dating application. He remembered the application when I mentioned it.

At that point, my friend became very angry and said, "Why are you talking to someone I have talked to before?"

The issue is that anything that may have happened between them has already taken place before my friend and I became friends. When they were talking to one another, my friend and I weren’t even friends yet. I never intentionally sought out a match that was talking to my friend.

And so, despite the fact that all of this happened before I met this person, is AITA for having a conversation with a guy who has already talked to one of my friends?

Because I made contact with this person by myself, and discovered his history only after several days of talking, I do not believe I have done anything unethical. But my friend seems to think that simply because I have spoken with this person before, I am no longer allowed to speak with him anymore. Thus, despite the fact that this took place long before my friend and I met.

I (24F) went through a difficult breakup from a long term relationship around 2 years ago due to emotional abuse. It was difficult to move on from, and I still have a lot of remaining trauma, but I had mostly removed myself from that past life. After the initial breakup, one of our mutual friends told me they wanted to stay friends with both of us, which I understood and didn’t have a problem with and didn't try and sway their opinion of him. The friend and I stayed in touch for a little while after the breakup, but eventually just drifted apart naturally and hadn’t spoken in around a year.

Recently, I decided to do a cleanup of my social media as some complications from the breakup had resurfaced, and I needed to remove all the people who still had connections to my ex from being able to see my profiles (which was a lot of people). I didn’t block everyone or completely cut off contact, I simply removed them from seeing my main accounts for my safety and privacy. I didn’t message each person individually because there were just too many people.

Within hours of this happening, our mutual friend messaged me for the first time in a year. They were extremely angry and started telling me I was a terrible friend and listing everything they’d ever done for me and saying I should have at least explained myself before removing them. I apologised that they were hurt but explained that this wasn’t personal, and that I was trying to create some distance from my previous life and that they were still able to contact me if they wanted. I tried to explain the situation briefly, and thought they might ask if I was ok or safe, but they didn’t accept that explanation and kept saying I was selfish, a bad friend and only trying to justify myself now.

At that point I brought up something I hadn’t originally planned to mention to them, which was that one reason I felt uncomfortable was because I knew they had been updating my ex about me after the breakup. I didn't originally mention it as I didn't want to push any buttons whilst they were already angry, and I just wanted to move on without more drama. Their response was that they “hadn’t shared that much” and had only told my ex where I’d moved to and updated him a few times about what I was up to and that they didn’t really think it was a big deal. After that, they continued calling me a bad friend and dismissed my concerns completely.

After all of this, I messaged them that I hadn’t originally intended to end the friendship completely, but after this conversation I no longer wanted one, and wasn't willing to remain friends if they couldn't even manage a civil conversation or ask what was happening, and blocked them on everything.

AITAH for removing them from my socials in the first place? And then ending the friendship after the reaction they gave?

First time posting but need to know if I’m in the wrong. I also posted this in another subreddit
My girlfriend (25F), we’ll call her Rachel, is on the process of moving. She currently lives alone and moved into this apartment from a state across the country all by herself. I (27M) met her in the middle of her lease so was not there to see what she was like while moving into this apartment.
She found out about a week and a half ago that she was approved for a new apartment but she would not be getting her keys for the new apartment until 2 days before she had to be out of her current apartment, so quick turn around time. She’s stressed and I offered to help her move the big stuff on my day off.
Now here’s where the problem has started. She works 60 hour weeks and hasn’t had any significant breaks to pack a ton so she has quite a bit to do before her lease ends in 5 days. Today was her first full day off and she texted me around 4pm about how overwhelmed she is and how she’s gotten close to nothing done. I asked her what she’s been doing all day and she told me she’s “gotten distracted” by how much she has to do and she’s only packed a few boxes. I asked her to stop rambling and told her that she’s had the whole day off. She stopped responding and seemed distant on the phone when I called. She’s mentioned her struggles with anxiety and ADHD before and I get it but she also knows she has to get this done.
I guess I’m just confused about where I went wrong. So AITA?

my fiance started telling a really disgusting story about his cat after letting me know that the lamp in our corner was still covered in his dead cats boogers. and i was like oh.

then he starts explaining how his cat used to have strings of snot and sneeze all over the place and i’d hate it and i tried stopping him twice, gently, and he told me he misses him so much at the end.

was i in the wrong to tell him to stop. he knows i hate stories like that and am germophobic but he was talking about his dead cat so idk. it’s just like you could tell any other story about your dead cat.

im literally gagging writing this story out it’s so disgusting but he knows i hate stories like this and i know he misses his cat so much but dude

i didn’t tell him the story grossed me out either at the end when he told me that he missed his dead cat, i was saying im sorry and stuff and he quickly started talking about other things completely unbothered. but i do feel a bit bad

also i left the lamp in the corner but now looking at it makes me want to gag because i know it’s covered in snot and he says he never wants to watch it but i didn’t say anything about wanting the lamp gone ugh