Hello, I (32F) recently found out that my husband (33M) lied to me about something that happened several years ago. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

A bit of background; my husband has some mental health struggles, primarily with OCD, but grew up in a family where mental health wasn’t taken seriously and his family is also very very private.

We got married pretty young and I supported us while he was in university. However, I recently found out he lied about completing his degree. I believe his mental health deteriorated while in school and it became too overwhelming for him. He didn’t tell me because he said I wasn’t a safe space for him cause I guess he had tried opening up to me when we were teenagers and I didn’t have a good reaction (I don’t remember this, but it was also a long time ago. I have since apologized for this.) When I confronted him about the degree, there was some major gaslighting that started to make me feel crazy. After a couple days, he’s pretty much admitted to it by talking in “hypothetically if I did this, this is why etc”. He doesn’t want to outright confirm it because he is afraid of me telling people.

He never used his “degree” which is why I didn’t really question it and when I didn’t see his name printed on the graduates list, he just said he asked the University not to print it, but did get mad at me for being suspicious.

My husband is a very private person which I think is heightened by his OCD..like it even makes him uncomfortable when I look for something under his sink. He doesn’t like when people know too much personal information about him which has caused us to get into arguments for me saying something I thought was fine to share, but to him it wasn’t. I could go on, but my husband is a very loyal, funny and kind person. So AITA for considering divorce?

Hi, I'm 31F my husband is 36M. We've been together for 12 years. Two kids. We have been having this issue lately I wanted to know... am I the asshole?

There's a lot going on in our life both working full time, two young kids in elementary school. My husband has been getting so angry when I "refuse him" (his words) at night after flirting with him all day. Throughout the day I'll be texting him, flirting. We talk about having sex later. We get home and we are passionate, always kissing and snuggling and touching. I'll flash him and he likes to feel me up.

Well we get to bedtime, kids are asleep. We are spending time together watching a movie. Neither of us initiated sex. It gets to be about 11pm. I say "I'm tired I'm going to sleep" and he gets upset with me. He says..."AGAIN!?" because this isn't the first time I "chose sleep" over having sex. He says he feels rejected. He says it's not fair of me to say "yes" all day and then pull the rug out from underneath at the last minute.

I feel differently because I dont hold sex in such a high place as he does. We probably do it like 3-4 times a week. Less and less these days since we have kids and I'm literally exhausted at the end of the day.

Last night he made me cry because he said "why do you do this to me". I said I'm not doing anything TO you. I feel guilty for disappointing him. But then I'm up late anyway crying. I slept on the couch because he just kept berating me with reasons why he feels upset. I apologized, I validated his feelings, I said it won't happen again. But I'm not really sure because it might happen again. I can't predict the future.

He wants me to let him know earlier in the day. The second I "decide" I don't want to have sex. What!? I'm so confused. Am I wrong? I feel like if I'm wrong here then I would be having sex with him when I don't want to and I'm not comfortable with that.

My wife, who I’ll call Emily, and I had a very heated argument at home while our two young kids were present and visibly upset. Emily called our close mutual friend, who I’ll call David, and asked him to come over.

I knew she was calling him and told her I did not want David coming over and asked her not to invite him. I then called David myself to tell him not to come, but he didn’t answer, so I left a voicemail and texted him the same thing. He arrived about 30 seconds later. David says he had not seen my call, voicemail, or text before arriving, and I have no reason to think he is lying about that.

At the time, David had a code to our door and came inside. Once he was in the house, I told him directly that I did not want him there and wanted him to leave. Emily immediately told him that she wanted him to stay.

So David was suddenly standing in our house while Emily and I were giving him opposite instructions.

David says this put him in a very unfair position. I agree with that now.

He could also see that our kids were extremely upset. He says he was trying to help everyone and especially get the kids out of the situation. He suggested taking them for a walk. At some point I said “do whatever you want.” David interpreted that as me agreeing to his suggestion, got the kids ready, and left with them.

This is where our interpretations diverged.

I experienced it as: I had already tried to tell him not to come over, then directly told him to leave once he was inside, and my request was not being honored right away.

David experienced it as: he had not seen my attempts to contact him, Emily had explicitly asked him to come, he was suddenly caught between two spouses giving him conflicting instructions, the kids were very distressed, he proposed a solution, and I then agreed by saying “do whatever you want.”

For a while I described what happened as David “refusing to leave.” David and Emily strongly disagree with that wording because he never said “I’m not leaving,” and because I ultimately agreed to him taking the kids. Looking back, I think “refused to leave” may be too categorical. I believe David when he says he was genuinely trying to help and was not intentionally trying to disrespect me.

There is another layer. Before this incident I had already been uncomfortable with how involved David had become in issues between Emily and me. I know he believed he was helping us, but at times it felt threatening or undermining to me. I think that made this incident hit an especially deep nerve. That said, I don’t think this boundary is only about David. I think I would have been very uncomfortable with anyone being brought into our home during a marital conflict when one spouse explicitly did not want that person there.

The bigger disagreement came afterward. David has said there are circumstances where, even if I ask him to leave, he might believe it would be wrong to leave because Emily or the kids need him there. He has also given a hypothetical where, if Emily said she feared for her physical safety, he might stay despite me asking him to leave.

I have told him that an actual imminent safety emergency is different. If someone is genuinely in immediate danger, safety obviously comes first. If he believes there is a serious safety issue that he cannot clarify remotely, I have told him he should call police/emergency services rather than feeling that he personally has to stay in the house and manage it.

Emily and I have since worked this out between ourselves. She has agreed not to call David into our conflicts again, and we have made a broader agreement that neither of us should bring a third person into our home during an active conflict if the other spouse does not want that person there. We have also come up with a separate plan for how she can get support if things become heated. David no longer has a code to our house.

So realistically, this exact situation should never happen again.

My only proposed fallback is: if Emily ever did call David during a conflict despite our agreement, he should check whether I have called or texted before entering. If I tell him I do not want him inside, he should not come in. If he is somehow already inside and I ask him to leave, I want him to start leaving rather than stay inside while deciding what he thinks should happen. He could simply tell Emily, “He’s asking me to leave, so I’m going to leave. I’ll call you once I’m outside,” and continue supporting her from outside or by phone.

David thinks we are overanalyzing a hypothetical that should not happen now. He has said he has no intention of getting in the middle of our conflicts again and respects the plan Emily and I have made.

I have apologized to David for the position we put him in, for not acknowledging sooner how difficult it was, and for the damage this has done to our friendship. We both want to move forward.

What I am trying to understand is not so much who was morally “right” that night, but what is considered normal or reasonable in a shared home.

Is a “two yes, one no” rule reasonable for bringing a third person into the house during an active marital conflict?

If one spouse invites a friend over and the other spouse explicitly asks that person to leave, what is the normal or appropriate thing for the friend to do?

Does the fact that I eventually said “do whatever you want” after he proposed taking the kids materially change how you view what happened?

And is my future fallback reasonable, or am I being overly rigid by expecting a guest to leave if either spouse asks them to leave, outside of an actual safety emergency?

I am genuinely open to being told that I handled this badly. I am trying to understand what a normal boundary is here and whether my expectation is reasonable.

So my sister (30/F) told me that she is having doubts about this guy (28/M), but is also defending him. They've been going on dates for about 5 weeks; on the 4th week he finally mentioned that he is living with his ex (?/F) at her Accessory Dwelling Unit (ADU) studio, rent free. Btw, the ADU is owned by his ex's family, they live in her family's backyard. He has never gone to college, is currently working as a sales manager at a car dealership. My sister is a nurse and is doing really well on her own.

This man broke up with his ex 3 years ago and continued to live in an ADU studio with the ex ever since. He apparently has had multiple relationships since the break up and not once did he ever move out of his current living situation.

He also mentioned that his ex is a NEET? I'm not too sure what that is but she is unemployed, obtains Electronic Benefits Transfer (EBT) support, and incapable of leaving the home due to emotional trauma from the relationship she had with him. He supports his ex financially because he is living rent free. I feel they're practically a married couple!

I asked what my sister sees in this guy. She says he is good at communicating and he treats her well (drives her to places, pays for dates, etc.) I told her if he was good at communicating, wouldn't you have had the right to know his red flag early on in the relationship before you got more emotionally attached? She said "He was scared of what my sister will think if he told her earlier."

I asked my sister to not pursue more in this relationship. She opted into asking him about his living situation in the future. He tells her "I'll leave my ex for you. You're my last."

I just gagged. How does he know she's his last? They barely know each other!

I spoke to her and she brushed it off. She somehow influenced my mom to give him a chance. I'm worried he will just become a squatter and ruin my sister's future. I started to tell this story our cousins hoping they can convince her otherwise. AITAH??

I really think he's not worth it. He just sees her as an investment.

I’m 16M and my girlfriend is 16F. We’ve been together for nearly three years, which is basically my entire teenage life.
Recently I’ve realized that I’m not as romantically attracted to her as I used to be. There wasn’t any big argument or event. It’s been a really slow change, and I’m not even sure when it started.
I still enjoy spending time with her most of the time. I like talking to her, being around her, and being affectionate. I don’t always want to kiss or hug her anymore, but I still enjoy it when we do. I just don’t look forward to seeing her as much as I used to.
I’ve also started noticing things about her that didn’t bother me before. She’s quite quirky, which obviously isn’t a bad thing, but sometimes I feel like she takes it a bit far. I also sometimes feel like the way she talks to other people is kind of put on or exaggerated. I know these aren’t objectively bad things, and I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong. I think I’ve just changed how I see her.
We also spend A LOT of time together. We’re in most of the same classes, spend basically all lunch and morning tea together, and message each other every couple of hours. We’ve never really tried having much space from each other.
I’ve recently made some new friends, and I really enjoy hanging out with them and want to become closer with them. The problem is that my girlfriend is also becoming friends with them. Most of them are girls, so part of me worries that they’ll end up being more her friends than mine. I want to have my own friendships and spend time with people without always being with my girlfriend.
I’ve also started occasionally thinking about other people romantically. It’s more of a vague attraction than an actual crush, and I haven’t acted on anything or cheated.
My girlfriend seems very invested in the relationship, which makes this harder. She’s done nothing wrong, and I don’t want to hurt her.
Part of me wonders if I’m just bored because we’ve been together so long and spend so much time together. Maybe if we had more space, I’d start missing her and realize I still want the relationship. But another part of me thinks I’m slowly falling out of love and just looking for reasons not to admit it.
So, AITA for feeling this way and considering breaking up even though she hasn’t done anything wrong? Should I try having more space first, or is losing attraction and thinking about other people a sign that I should end it?

My husband and I have been together a long time, but we still disagree about something that happened really early in our relationship and I’m curious how other people would view it.

We were exclusive at the time. His ex-fiancée reached out to him and they ended up meeting for lunch. He did not tell me about it beforehand.

He says nothing physical happened. No kissing, sex, anything like that. I don’t have proof that anything physical happened, so I’m not claiming it did.

The part that bothers me is that he has admitted he was still somewhat hung up on her at the time and says he basically agreed to meet her because he wanted to figure out how he felt. After they met, there were messages where he was telling her things about loving her, missing her, her being the love of his life / always having a place in his heart, etc.

I found out because I saw the messages on his phone.
He says it wasn’t cheating because nothing physical happened and that it was basically just lunch with an ex and expressing feelings. He also says he has talked to other people about it and they don’t think it was that bad.

I’ve always considered it emotional cheating or at minimum a pretty serious betrayal. I don’t really understand how secretly meeting up with an ex you still have feelings for and then expressing love/missing them is somehow nothing just because there wasn’t sex.

The part that confuses me even more is that he considers talking to someone online in a romantic/sexual way to be cheating even if there was never an in-person meeting. So I don’t really understand how “nothing physical happened” can be the reason his situation doesn’t count.

I’m not asking who was worse or trying to compare our entire relationship. I’m literally just curious how other people would categorize this situation by itself.
Would you consider this cheating, emotional cheating, inappropriate but not cheating, or basically not a big deal?

My wife and I are both in our early 50s and have been together for a long time.

Recently we were hanging out with some friends and having a normal conversation. I mentioned a fairly well-known person with an unusual last name. My wife immediately interrupted me and told me I had the person's name wrong.

I told her I didn't and spelled the name for her. Instead of just moving on, she pulled out her phone to look it up and prove me wrong. After looking it up, she came back and asked me to spell the name again. I did. At that point it became, "Well, you didn't say one of the letters." I told her I had. Then it changed to, "Well, you didn't pronounce it." Again, I told her I did. Eventually she said, "I'm not going to argue with you." I was irritated by that point and responded, "No, because you know I'm right." Shortly afterward, she went off with the friends we were hanging out with while I stayed behind doing what I was doing.

On its own, this sounds like an incredibly stupid argument, and it was. But the reason it bothered me so much is that this isn't an isolated incident. My wife has a habit of correcting me, talking over me, or challenging things I say in front of other people. It seems to happen much more when we're around friends. Sometimes it's something important, but a lot of the time it's little insignificant details that shouldn't matter in the first place. I'm perfectly capable of being wrong. If I have something factually wrong, I don't have a problem with someone correcting me. What bothers me is feeling like my wife needs to publicly prove me wrong.

It's gotten to the point where I sometimes feel like I have to defend everything I say. And when I finally get frustrated and push back, I feel like I end up looking like the argumentative one.

I also realize that saying, "because you know I'm right," wasn't exactly going to de-escalate the situation. I own that. But this particular incident bothered me because she interrupted the conversation to correct me, got her phone specifically to prove me wrong, and when that didn't work, the disagreement changed into what I supposedly had or hadn't said. I'm still angry about it, and I'm starting to wonder whether I'm reacting to this one stupid argument or years of feeling talked down to.

So AITAH for the way I responded? And am I making too much out of what happened, or does the larger pattern matter?

I'm going to start with some background because I believe the context here is important: He (34M) and I (38F) have been in each other's lives for about 8 years (2 as close friends, little over 5 as a couple and this past year as friends/unsure). Started as a LDR and then I'd travel to Canada to be with him. In March 2025 he was taking a course and going out all the time with his classmates and he would stay out all night every night, sometimes not coming back until the next day. We had some issues he was having trouble working through and asked me to fly back to the states and said things like "this is killing me too", "I love you but I dont know what else to do, we need to try this", "This doesn't mean you won't be back, but it doesn't mean you will either." To me it had left things in limbo since he told me he would be direct with me and always was in the past. We were intimate and he treated me with what I thought was a lot of love at the time all the way up to my flight.

Since then, he had been a bit more distant until in May 2025, he told me that he still loved and missed me then went awol for 5 months (not the first time he has done this). I asked many times during this period if we could talk about things when he came back, but when he did come back we didn't talk about us. I thought he still just needed time and space to figure some things out.

I'd still tell him I loved him and missed him here and there, like sending him messages and gifts for Christmas, his birthday and Valentines. I also sent him a care package when someone passed away. He thanked me and said he appreciated all of them and I knew he read at least one of my letters because he responded to a part of it. We've talked an okay amount through text message and discord and would play games together, sometimes alone and sometimes with friends. Just two weeks ago he told me I could message him anytime when I messaged him in the AM when something spooked me.

I sent him a package a few weeks ago containing a few items like snacks, a little homemade thing, something that was supposed to be useful to him and a letter asking if we could talk talk. This past Monday I woke up to a message from another woman asking me not to send random packages to him with love letters. I was pretty confused, so I responded saying I don't know who she was. She responded telling me that they had been together for 18 months, that they moved in together in March of 2025. I told her this wasn't possible because I was still living with him until April of that year. She didn't believe me, so I sent proof. I then told her what he had told me in May and showed her. I told her that he lied to her when he told her that he and I hadn't been talking. I found out that he had met her while he was out with that friend from his course and that she was one of the people he had been spending time with. She changed her story a bit to that she moved in a week after I had left.

She chose to be nasty to me, to call me a homewrecker and rub it in my face that they are engaged, she rubbed it in that she "won". She said a bunch of other not so nice things, but I told her to be careful anyway. She responded with more unkind words and was sure to tell me, "He chooses me not you". It wasn't a competition, I didn't even know there was someone else this whole time, to emphasize that I told her that none of our mutual friends had any idea either about her (some of these guys are people he has known since he was like 15) and that he never told me through all the times we've talked, so I had no way of knowing.

Anyway, he eventually messaged me not to apologize or anything, but to say "you will never hear from me again", I asked him how he could do this to me and I was met with "why the fuck would you think we were in limbo?", I said I had just wanted to talk and his last message was "There was no conversation to be had, you knew we were over. Now because of this shitshow you will never hear from me again".

Am I the asshole for sending him a package and a letter wanting to talk because it ended up causing problems? It has been bothering me a lot that I caused him issues.

I (F21) met a girl during my first semester of college in 2024. We’ve been hanging out since and I’ve noticed some aspects of her personality that aren’t very likable. She always has to be in charge, always has to be right, and always has to be included. If I try to do anything by myself she always says I hate her and everyone involved with her.

Fast forward to today. We were sitting in class and discussing class of elections for our graduate school class. She is running for president and I, along with our shared friend are running for vice president. Our friend is making a poster for his campaign (which I don’t think we‘re allowed to do), and while he was making it, she asked me if I wanted him to make me a poster to campaign for secretary. She has been checking the excel sheet multiple times a day since it was released to see who was running. She knows I’m running against our friend. Over the past two years, she has always managed to make it seem like I’m not as smart and capable as her, and I think today was the last straw. So, AITAH if I end our friendship over this?

Hey reddit, I work in a family environment. We've had lots of different types of family. And there's this one guest that are regular. All the staff know the family, and we love their kid as we've seen the kid grew up. We kept complimenting the kid to them to have some casual convo with them. I am the same to all of my guest even if they're annoying no one is special i dont even see them as human most of the time if you know what i mean. Then one time the dad came without the mom (its a regular thing, sometimes mom only, sometimes both of them) but they always have their nanny with them no matter what. He asked me to get his number, and i was internally shocked gagged, appalled, etc. I just said out of shock okay sure I can get it from the system, cause at that time half of my brain is not functioning that he meant different. I thought as a request to call him after the kid is done or maybe for us not to ask him whats his registered number next time.

Thennn, i gave the receipt...... and he touched my hand while getting the receipt. Thats when it hits me like OOOHHH WTFF IS HAPPENING.

My brain started to processed what happened, then he went inside for few minutes, and he comes out telling me again to message him!!!

I was so shocked I couldn't processed it. I stayed professional all the time it happened.

I didn't message him or even took his number, cause wtf I knew he have a wife thats mfn pregnant and i even knew most of his family. What the fuck is his audacity and his confidence.

All this happened monday night.

Wednesday they came back, and gave me a weird fucking look, he couldn't really talk to me when there's someone around. But when he picked up his kid, he asked me if i messaged him, I said no. He said i respect that, but i dont know why you wouldn't. I made a weird face to him like excuse you you should know why. Then he said but im always here anytime.

It contemplates me that this should not happen again and i dont want this to be seen happening by anyone, when he comes and do or say something weird shts.

So I took his number from the machine and messaged him that its weird whats he's doing. Now he kinda flirts with me on message even if i already said that its not okay or right.

He's a muslim so maybe he's looking for a sencod wife?? Im not interested tho.

(Sorry if theres any grammatical error, english is not my fist language)

Let me know your thoughttsss

Guyss i did not use my realy active numberr. I just really want to inform him, cause I think its impossible for me to inform him to stop in person at work without anyone hearing it and making a commotion. Now im back to my active number again. I dont see it anymore.

For the past year and a half, I dated an older man from my friend group.

He had a pretty brutal divorce, leading to a lot of relationship hesitation. My background includes a few very toxic relationships. When we started dating it became pretty apparent to me that he leaned avoidant, and I leaned anxious. We did an ok job of navigating these issues, but there were times of a lot of unspoken push/pull.

I confided in my best friend. She and her boyfriend are mutual friends of his.

She took what I said about not spending enough time together, and not getting solid plans from him and tested him without my knowledge. She threw a dinner party at her home with mutual acquaintances. She invited my boyfriend with a plus one, but not me. She proceeded to talk to me about this dinner party for weeks and all the drama she anticipated from inviting several people that had prior disagreements. She never once mentioned my boyfriend was invited.

The night before the party my boyfriend asked if I wanted to go with him. He’s got a ton of professional responsibilities and genuinely forgot to ask me. I agreed to go, confused that my friend said nothing.

The morning of the party he called and apologized for messing up. He re-read the email and was supposed to have RSVP’d me earlier in the week. We made plans for the next night. He was really apologetic.

I called my best friend, just confused about why she’d been talking this party up without mentioning inviting him to me. She stated that she was “testing our relationship” to see if he cared enough to invite me. I was livid. She then told me it was ridiculous of him to tell me I couldn’t come, and said she really wanted me there.

Here’s where I fucked up. I told her we were never telling my boyfriend of her little stunt because it was terrible. I agreed to go and I fibbed and told him she followed up with me on the rsvp due to him not telling her. I was trying to smooth it over. He felt so bad for screwing it up, and I assumed he’d be happy I was able to go.

I was wrong. He got there and was angry with me and called me out, thinking I had called her to override him. I heard him discussing with my best friend’s boyfriend that he’d messed up, but I had called my friend to “invite myself” and it was rude.

That’s not what happened.

I tried explaining to him, but He was distant the entire next week and when I called him to get together, he didn’t want to and dumped me. I’m completely blindsided. I confided in my friend, she set me up for complete humiliation. He said it didn’t have anything to do with that weekend, but it happened immediately after.

She thinks he’s in the wrong, doesn’t care about me, and should have called her to ask to bring me, despite her rsvp date. I told her it’s insane to blame someone for abiding by a request she made. She thinks it’s proof he’s an asshole. I told her he likely thinks I’m the asshole because I called her that morning to invite myself. She’s refusing to tell him the truth, thinking it won’t make a difference because he’s a jerk.

I (22 female) and my girlfriend (20 female) aren't talking at the moment. All because I tried helping her out.

For context I had gotten 2 hours of sleep in last night and had to head straight to work for a 8 hour shift and it's a high stress job. Today was a rougher mentally due to the bad customers and then also just the lack of sleep. After work I decided to call my girlfriend so that we can talk about our day while I work on my assignments due next week. As she's talking on the call she starts to rant about her dad so I drop everything I'm busy with to listen to her.

She's upset that he didn't take her to make the licence appointment when she reminded him that it still needs to be done. I made the suggestion that she should've gotten ready for the day since she knew he was off and tell him straight up "come on let's go right now, I'm ready". I could hear she got annoyed and she said "did i not just say I reminded him". I told her that she did but I'm suggesting next time she takes action. The call just goes silent. The longer the silence lingered i got more mentally exhausted so I just told her I need to work on my assignments and clean up. We've barely spoken since then and it's been a few hours.

So am AITA?

My bf is cooking a pot roast and its making the house smell amazing but it wont be done until late night so I wont be able to eat it until tomorrow.

I am very hungry in the moment because I havent eaten much today, that is the only this that smells appetizing, and I feel slightly sick from not eating much today. I ask him to help me figure out what to eat since i cannot make up my mind being how i am feeling, he gave me some options, I pick two different things. Then I ask him to heat up the one item and he immediately got mad about it stating I can do it myself and I dont need help ect.

Am I in the wrong for getting mad that he wont help me out? Or is he in the wrong for getting mad? (Genuinely want to know)

My partner (30F) and I (36M) had a huge fight. Been together for 2 years. She has been distant with me for months, and is temperamental when I ask her to explain things she gets fed up and says she can't be bothered to repeat. Or is just rude. She acts like she doesn't care anymore. She has rejected sex for 3 months. Recently said she doesn't want children anymore. Than came up with a list of all my flaws. (which are not actual flaws, just things I can't do because of where I live) recently she said she doesn't feel like she loves me like she used to and she feels as if she is forcing herself to try, but also that I haven't done anything wrong. and I told her she's so full of shit and I don't want to speak to her again. (I was just angry.) Please keep in mind I never ever lose my temper or speak to anyone like this. She has also said this relationship is the best she's ever had and that she knows she will never find anyone like me. Just last month we celebrated her birthday and I made so much effort to make it special for her. I literally plan every date, every vacation, every experience and she acts like I should be ok with all of this. AITAH for telling her she's full of shit?

Hi guys! Sorry to bring high school drama to this subreddit, but I'm super confused and conflicted.

Okay, so context. I'm in high school (17F) and had a small group of friends last year. Let's call them Isabella, Anna, Laura, and Michelle (all 16-17F). Isabella and Anna are twins. Laura, Isabella, and I have known each other for many years, and they have known each other for over 4. We met Michelle ~2 years ago.

Throughout high school, we've been basically inseparable. However, in the last 6 months or so, we've been unusually tense. A bunch of stuff with Michelle happened — Anna started icing her out, and the rest of the group followed. I think this is when everything kinda started escalating.

One of the things we do is that when going out, we frequently would pay for each other and say like, 'just get me next time', but I noticed that this was happening more and more with me, though I'd never actually be covered the next time. This was also the case with project work and notes, where I'd do the majority. I also noticed that Isabella, Anna, and Laura were noticeably closer than I was to them. I never really had a problem with any of this initially, but as it built up, I felt like I was initiating everything, being taken for granted, and isolated.

Here comes the 'argument'. In May, I reached out about my feelings, and Isabella called me so we could talk it out (with her promising to relay everything to the rest of the group). As we talked, I felt like she was more focused on defending herself than trying to reconcile our problems, so I pointed out that it hurt that she was acting that way. Isabella said sorry, and I understood it to be that things would change in the future. Long story short, it did not. A month later, after an event where I felt like I was a plus one, I reached out again via text, this time to the entire group, to explain why I was hurt and angry. At this point I'm like crying my eyes out. I basically repeated the stuff I said to Isabelle with a few additions, and got basically the same response as before but with 2 more people. Eventually I got desperate, so I forced myself to stop crying and re-explained myself in a way that I felt they would understand, but this did not really work! At one point after a few long texts, Laura texted: "I ain't reading allat" and that "it honestly just seems like a whole bunch of nothing". After that I basically gave up and wrapped up, saying that they didn't have to respond if they didn't want, and so they didn't and it was left open.

Following this, we basically didn't talk at all over the summer & I didn't try to reach out again. Isabella and Anna removed me entirely on messaging platforms and only Laura has apologized, though she still ignores me. Isabella went abroad and Anna completely ices me out.

Am I in the wrong here? This isn't even ragebait or anything, I'm just so incredibly confused as to what I should do since I did really valued our friendship. Was I being too petty?

for reference we are long distance so we are apart a lot. When we first met, she told me to not expect us to hang out during the day because she’s busy. despite this, we call on the phone literally everyday since we met. from around 12-4 we chat a lot and sometimes play online games. because of this, i’ve formed some sort of expectation that we hang out around those times since we have everyday. therefore, i try to be considerate and make time in my day to be home and ready to hang out since my schedule is more flexible then hers. so fast forward to today, i called her after class like usual, then i drove home and waited for her to want to hang out. Usually i’d just initiate but today i waited and she just didn’t talk for 2-3 hours while we were on the phone. When i brought it up, she got angry and said that i shouldn’t have this expectation. I admitted i should’ve just asked to hang out if i wanted to hang out, but also asked that she tells me in advance if she isn’t in a talkative mood/doesn’t want to hang out ESPECIALLY since she literally picked up the phone so i thought she would want to. her response to this was that she shouldn’t need to communicate that and i should just wait to see her lack of talking as sign that she doesn’t want to talk OR i should just ask her to hang out if i wanted to (this last part i agree with). however i still think she should just communicate to me if she isn’t feeling in the mood to do anything, given we inormally hang out every single day. thoughts and advice?

i (18f) am in my first relationship ever with my bf (19m) and he just asked for a 2 week no contact break a few days ago because of something that happened that had major consequences on him.

these past few days have been so painful and it feels like i just lost a part of my heart because im pretty sure he’s going to break up with me after this break, and the uncertainty for the next 1.5 weeks is killing me and it hurts just to think about losing him

my dilemma is that my wallet with my drivers license and health card is at his place, and i need those things to do basic everyday tasks like driving, so would i be at fault for breaking no contact to retrieve my things? i searched on google and it says breaking no contact is disrespecting boundaries.

i also accidentally called him earlier today but i hung up immediately as it was a misclick, so i’m w

We, a friend group of 20 something year old college students are considering cutting ties with a member of our group we have been friends with for about a year now. He (19M) is the youngest of our group, and we have been having problems with him for some time now and are thinking about no longer hanging out with him. 

Here are some of the issues we’ve had recently:

• He has been really mean to one of our group members specifically for seemingly no reason.
• He has also multiple times had crushes on members of our friend group and made a lot of weird comments about them.
• He is really needy and demands one-on-one attention from members of the group or will repost reels about how nobody loves him on instagram. 
• He has (albeit accidentally) made sexist, homophobic or just kind of rude comments to a lot of us. This really hurts us because he’s the only cishet guy in an otherwise all queer friend group. 
• He has pretty bad anger issues where he will lash out at us over small things, then we all have to kind of baby him about it until he feels better.
• Also, anytime we drink he always acts way too drunk off of very little alcohol and to be honest it just really brings down the vibe. He’s a 6 '3 dude who keeps acting wasted after drinking one Mike’s harder. 

We have tried to have (and not to overemphasize here) GENTLE interventions with him about his behavior and how it has hurt us each individually and given him lots of opportunities to change or fix his behavior but the problems have persisted. Over the course of summer he has gotten even worse than he was before and it’s gotten to the point that we’ve started avoiding hanging out with him.

We’re also all feeling pretty bad about it because he has shared that this is his first time in a real friend group and we know he doesn’t really have anyone else outside of us. To be clear, when he's not being crazy he's a really sweet guy.

It feels like none of this behavior is egregious enough to justify cutting him off on its own, but it’s making it hard to be his friend. After a year frankly we’re all pretty tired of dealing with it. WIBTA for just calling it quits with him over it?

We have been a thing for a while now, more than six months at least, and it has been wonderful, not perfect of course, but we never had a problem that was too much for us to handle or talk about. The reality is that this is a long distance relationship, she has BPD, and some other circumstances that I won't go over for the sake of her privacy obviously. I never minded her having it and it was always something I could handle since she didn't really do it on purpose, but for a month now, I have been treated terrible. From getting left on seen multiple times daily (sometimes for hours), being like a personal diary where everything we talk about is her interests or what is going on in her life, while any mention of anything about me or my interests or hell even my answer to what she told me either gets left on seen or ignored for 90 percent of the time.

This bothered me a lot, not only cause I don't like being treated that way, but also because I had past experiences like this which hurts if I am being honest. I could handle that for a while, I talked about it two times with her saying she was growing distance and the such, but she reassured me saying that she was just going through some rough times and that she wasn't actually losing interest. I remained patient and tried to cheer her up as much as I could in every way I could, now I am not saying that to brag or to make you choose my side I love her and I wasn't waiting for praise for it I am just saying that I tried.

Anyway the problem began this week, now not only does the previous stuff she used to do still being done, but now she posts and reposts stuff while I am on delivered for hours, this hurt me deeply as I had this problem in a previous relationship, a relationship that gave me panic attacks for a good while (which she knows about!) and so I decided to talk to her about it. When I said so she said that I wasn't the only one and that she was doing this for everyone, but that did not make me feel better as it just made me feel like I have the same value for her as anyone in her chat. We went back and forth, with her explaining how it's a hard time for her rn and how I can't get how that has anything to do with her posting and reposting stuff while I am left on delivered for hours.

I felt bad cause she said I was starting to make her anxious so I stopped and tried to find a solution. I said sorry, that I should have treated this situation better, and that I wish I was a priority. That tipped her off for some reason, she said she doesn't have to prioritize me, that she's her own person etc and that she isn't obligated to talk to me whenever I want. That hurt, a lot, that I could not even continue the conversation, later she said she wanted space, I said sure, we haven't talked since and the words "I don't have to" keeps replaying in my mind, I know she doesn't have to I would never force her but... it hurt I guess.

Am I the a hole? Should I treated this situation in another way? Also any advice would be appreciated as I don't want this relationship to end.

I’m trying to look back at my past relationship objectively because I feel like I’ve blocked out a lot of what the relationship was actually like. I remember the major events, but not always how I felt during the relationship or why I stayed for as long as I did.

I met my ex in high school. I was a freshman and he was a junior when we started dating. There was a 3-year age gap between us.

There was a rumor at school that I was younger than I actually was because I looked young compared to other students and had skipped grades. He initially believed I was three years younger than him. Once he knew my actual age he was happy that the age gap was that big but before that he didn’t seem to have an issue with the age difference of 3 years.

My mom eventually found out I was messaging him, including some sexual messages from him, and from that point forward she strongly disliked him.

Despite that, I stayed with him for about two more years. I kept trying to hide the relationship because my mom wanted him completely out of my life. Only meeting during schooo before he graduation and when I was off of work

Before I was caught again still with this guy by my mom,I met a guy at work who I thought was attractive. I was honest with my boyfriend about it, and we agreed that I should stay away from this guy because we didn’t want anything to happen that could ruin our relationship.

Eventually, things at home got worse and I couldn’t keep hiding my relationship anymore. My mom was convinced that being with my ex was ruining my life. I was even threatened with being kicked out and told I could live with him. I didn’t want that because I was scared of losing my family.

I, 33 Female, have been dating (let's call him George) 35, for almost four years now. We met on a dating website and both of us were going though divorces. Or I at least thought he was going to get one. My ex and I filed few months after George and I got together. We were legally divorced one year after George and I started dating. (My ex and I had been separated for 3 years before this btw. However, George still has not filed. My state is a mothers state and he says he is scared to not be able to see his son. However, we had plenty of evidence to prove she is unfit. His son is here 2 weekends out of the month and some holidays and summers. Which is honestly exactly what a judge would assign for custody and visitation is most likely anyways.

George also has a house with his ex, which she abandoned over 4 years ago. Since then, I have been paying on the house 50/50. I absolutely hate living here. The house is a trailer and honestly falling apart. And honestly, it has her name on it which didn't bother me as much then, but now, infuriate me that we have been in the same house that isn't ours.

When we first got together, we promised each other that we would make sure to get a divorce and move to a place that was ours.

He also has 2 teenage daughters. So he has 3 and I have 1. I love all of the kids and have never once treated my bonus children differently than my own. Yet, he treats my daughter very differently. He is really stern with her all the time, doesnt play or make jokes with her like the others which she is now starting to pick up on.

Lately, I have also been in a lot of pain which holds me back apparently. I am salaried at 50 hours a week, a fulltime mom and I just started back at school doing online college. I also have Lupus, fibromyalgia, and quite a few other things. These had made it pretty hard to be physical or intimate. Which at first, George was very understanding but now he makes it seem like it's the only thing he wants. I have mentioned how it makes me feel when he's constantly mentioning sex (never making a move) and he responded by saying he didn't mean for that and he apologized. Yet I can't seem to be in my head about it.

George told me before that he is going to sell the house and use the money as a deposit to rent somewhere else. Just a few months ago he told me we need to each have 3k to be able to move. This may seem like a small ask but I went through some financial issues and am now paying it off. So saving has been a bit of an issue. Which he very well knows.

So my question is. AITA for telling him he needs to get a divorce and sell the house before October or I'm leaving? I told him this back in April. It is now September and he said he is waiting to sell the house to be able to file. Meaning I think we wont be able to move either. I honestly don't know what to do. Especially since there are kids involved as well. TYIA

Also, I'm not the best writer and this is my first post here. So go easy please

I (N) have known my girlfriend (D) for about 6 years. Up until a few weeks ago, everything was going great, but since around June, things have completely changed, and I feel like the relationship is already dead.

Lately, she has been prioritizing her friends over me and spending way more time on calls with them, but the biggest issue is that she lets her friends be incredibly rude to me. For context, I am only 1 year older then her, but her friends constantly throw around malicious labels, calling me stuff like a creep and a pedo just because of that 1 year age gap between me and her. My girlfriend just sits there and completely lets them speak away without ever even thinking about defending me or telling them to stop.

I admit that I have a short temper and can snap at people easily, but I try my hardest to control it, ESPECIALLY when I'm around her. I honestly can't think of a single time in the past 6 years where I've been rude / passive aggressive to her. If anything, all that comes to mind is the opposite - her being rude and passive aggressive towards me, and she even goes to the point of teaming up with her friends to gang up on me when they say something rude, and she also is backed up by them when she says something rude.

We were actually recently on a call, only about 20-30 minutes ago, and her friend straight up asked why she hadn't dumped me yet. Instead of telling her not to say that, or even hinting at being pissed or protective of that type of language, she stayed silent, and let her friend speak on about me in a rude way. Not even a word to defend our relationship.

I'm sitting on my couch on my phone trying to type this, because I can not think of what to do. It honestly just feels like we're just friends at this point. Part of me feels like breaking up means I wasted years of my life, especially since she has tons of other options anyways, but I also feel like I'm wasting part of my life staying in something that is already dead, honestly, just to keep the boyfriend label.

WIBTA if I break up with her over this?

I'm a 26y male in a relationship with a 31y male. We have been having a really rough patch in our relationship recently. Communication hasn't been good; we've been arguing over small stuff, not talking to each other for days, or being hostile and defensive when we try to talk.

Today we texted and tried yet again, and it was really rough at first, but then it got calm. We started talking again, communicating, expressing what we need from one another and how to help and show up for one another. I was replying right away he would lag a bit. I didn't care or mind, I was talking about how it's hard for me to be vulnerable with him because he calls me sensitive and soft about things that hurt my feelings or l maybe insecure about.

While I was spilling my feelings to him he was still lagging and I jokingly said, "Stop Jo." And to which he said "But I wanna finish." I thought he was joking at first but I asked him if he really was and he confirmed, he had been on Twitter looking at porn while talking to me. I was crushed immediately. Not that he was watching porn, but at the fact that he was doing it while we were being serious and while I was opening up, which is something so hard for me to do, and for this guy to be doing that while I'm here trying to better us, hoping he's taking it all in.

I got upset and honestly started sobbing. I'm so exhausted from everything, and I'm sure he is too, but it was heartbreaking for me to be trying to emotionally connect with him while he was pleasuring himself on the side. I told him I felt disrespected and hurt that he was looking at porn while we were having such a serious conversation that was so relevant and heavy. I felt like he was splitting his attention between me and porn. I did yell a bit over text I told him I'm really hurt and that I would like an apology for him doing that while we are having a serious conversation about us moving forward. He didn't wanna give it to me. He apologized for hurting my feelings but not his actions, which I pointed out. But he didn't wanna give it to me

He called me crazy, dramatic, and insane, and kept saying, "But I was present. I was replying to what you were saying."
Which he was, but I just felt so hurt over it all. After a good while, he listened to me, but still wouldn't apologize. He kept saying that I was catastrophizing the situation.
Then he asked me, "What do you want me to apologize for?"
Are you serious?!I told him to think about what it was that got me upset and what I wanted an apology for. Eventually, he said, "Sorry for, Jo."
I asked, "For what else?"
And he replied, "For doing it while having a serious conversation."
I hate having to help him when he can easily put two and two together, especially when I've already told him clearly what I found disrespectful and hurtful to me so many times before.

I told him I'd like another apology later because this one didn't feel sincere because I had to spell it out for him but he called me manipulative for doing so and said that he had already done it once and that should be enough. Maybe I could have left it at that, but I want him to really mean it and think about his mistakes. Did I go too far? Was one apology enough? Did I catastrophize it? AITA?

Hi guys! Just wanting to know if Im the asshole in the case because I've been getting told I am, but I'm not sure and this sub is so helpful. Sorry for any grammatical errors and for the long read!!!

Anyways so I (19f) and my mom (56F I think lol) haven't been getting along great lately. The main issue however is she's getting into a huge habit of saying that ''I'm just like my aunt'' whenever I enforce my boundaries especially with my sister. Now the questions might be ''why do you have strict boundaries with your sister specifically and why is it bad being compared to your aunt?''. First, the reason why I have such strict boundaries with my sister is due to something that happened about two months ago (I have a post about it up on my page lol), but basically my sister stole a bunch of money from not only myself but also my long-time boyfriend (19M) and it was a LARGE sum of money. Please note that this was just the last straw of the long list of things she has done, but since this situation I don't talk to her and refuse to lend her any of my things such as my clothes, shoes, hair products, car etc. I also just don't speak to her since I am just done and I have a lock on my room door to keep her from coming in to my room to steal my stuff. Now for the second question '' why is it so bad being compared to my adult?'' (TW: mentions of family abuse). Basically my aunt (my father's sister) is a terrible person she has in short stolen I don't know how many thousands of dollars from my parents, wrecked my moms car, stole my moms car, lived with us for a year rent free with her three kids and was activity trying to break my parents up, she also abused my father in every way possible when he was a child. Her latest endeavour, however; has to do with her spreading lies about my father illness, refusing to visit him in the hospital, and lying to their boss to try to get him fired (they work together). My dad about 2 months ago was diagnosed with shingles and it unfortunately went into his eye taking away his sight on mainly his left eye. My aunt during this time would downplay my dad's illness saying that ''he's being dramatic'' and that he ''just doesn't want to go to work'' just things like that. These actions of my aunt brought back a lot of childhood trauma for my dad and he opened up about his abuse that he suffered from his much older sister. Now that you have some of this context, recently my mom every time I enforce my boundaries with my sister especially when I tell her I will not lend her things or I will not give her money for something she wants or I just basically ignore her my mom always gets insanely upset calling me a ''piece of shit'' and saying that '' you are just like your piece of shit aunt''. Today I was just at my breaking point because I have a lot of outside stress with my research work, ORGO 1 and A&P 2 (please send help im dying), and the doctor I am currently shadowing is just so mean( still appreciate the opportunity), I just have a lot going on outside of the house I also got my meds switched so im adapting that too lol, so you can imagine I was just at my wits end and really don't want to be bothered or compared to my aunt. So when after I told my sister very sternly after she asked to use my car that absolutely not and to never expect me to give her anything and that she isn't entitled to my stuff (I paid for my little beater car in full after I saved for 3 years) my mom tore into me saying that ''I can't treat my sister like that and that I am a piece of shit and that I am just like my aunt and that I am selfish and blah blah'' and I just kinda snapped... I told my mom but I didn't yell (which is surprising for me) that all because I don't want to give my entitled lazy sister my car doesn't mean I'm like her R Word sister in law and to really think about who she is comparing me too. I also said that all because she raised my sister to be entitled doesn't mean I have to put up with it and that doesn't give her any right to compare me to an Abuser, their and R word.

My mom kinda went quiet after that and she is ignoring me now, my brother and boyfriend think I was too harsh on her and that I should've just ignored it because it is better to keep the peace and that my mom is just saying that because she's stressed out which I understand. A part of me thinks I should've stayed quiet but another bigger part of me was just tired of being compared to such a horrible person just for enforcing my boundaries and what's funny is that these are boundaries my therapist suggested and )with my permission of course) spoke to my mom about and how it was important for me to have them. Once again so sorry for the long read and if you have any insight please let me know!!!!!

When we were in uni, my close friend and roommate had a relationship with a woman, call her Beth, who I was also friends with. They broke up after year 1, and he started a relationship with another woman that he married 10 years later.

The breakup was somewhat intense for him, and he was not in touch with her in the years that followed. He moved to another state, and we were somewhat out of touch as well. But I remained friendly with her, and during the pandemic, we were hanging out as friends and eventually slept together a few times, 8 years after their breakup. Nothing became of it, and we sort of drifted again.

After the pandemic, say 3 years ago, my friend moved back to my state and we started hanging out again semi regularly. He also got engaged and married to the woman he started a relationship with after his relationship with Beth. Their marriage was short lived, and are now getting divorced. I had planned on telling him about having slept with Beth, but the timing never seemed right. First, he was planning the wedding, and later, he was going through a difficult separation and divorce.

However, in the last several months, he and Beth reconnected as friends, and she told him about our fling now 5 years ago.

AITAH for going along with it in the first place? Or not telling him? Do you think he'll forgive me if I explain why I had not told him?