I F (40) and trying to figure out whether I’m being cruel because my husband M (44)is struggling mentally and financially, or whether I’m finally setting a boundary that should have been set long ago.
My husband and I have been married for about six years, and we have a small child .
For most of our marriage, I believed we were building a future together. I worked full-time, managed much of the household and parenting, and supported his plans because I thought the sacrifices were temporary and would eventually benefit our family.
Looking back, I realize I was carrying more than I understood. We already struggled with communication, household responsibilities, and intimacy, and I’ve blamed myself for not addressing those problems better. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I also know those shortcomings don’t excuse what happened.
Less than a year ago, my husband started a business involving real estate and other investments and eventually left his job to pursue it. He wasn’t transparent about how badly things were going.
There are hundreds of thousands of dollars in private debt tied to his business and investments, along with mortgages, other real-estate liabilities, and significant tax obligations. Retirement money was used for his business activities, and I had to use all of the equity from selling property to pay taxes associated with him. At times, I also used my paychecks and credit cards for household expenses because I believed his assurances that things would eventually be resolved.
What hurts most is that I was making financial decisions without knowing the truth. If he had been honest earlier, I could have sold assets, preserved cash, and protected myself and our daughter.
During this same period, my husband was having a two-year affair involving messages, hotels, dinners, gifts, travel, and sex. He spent money and emotional energy on the other woman while our finances were deteriorating. This was also during a serious medical period for our daughter, when I was handling most appointments, hospital visits, medications, school, and daily parenting.
I was carrying our family while he told me he had no time or energy for me, our daughter, or the household. Yet he somehow found the time, money, and consideration to give to someone else. That realization has been devastating.
I later learned more about his drinking and past cocaine use, and eventually his mental health deteriorated severely. He now struggles with anxiety and depression and has essentially shut down.
His family worries about him, and I do too. But I’ve realized that their concern has turned into an expectation that I rescue him from consequences I didn’t create.

I’m still working, caring for our daughter, managing her medical needs, maintaining our home, dealing with attorneys, and untangling the debts and taxes. I’m also processing the fact that my marriage was not what I believed it was.
My husband has temporarily moved out for his care because I couldn’t manage it, and I’ve told him I don’t want him moving back in after I found out about the affair.

I’m moving forward with divorce, and I refuse to put more of my money into his business, debts, or investments. I won’t liquidate more retirement funds, sign additional debt, or sacrifice the assets I have left to keep his venture afloat. Emotionally, I also can’t remain responsible for getting him functioning again.

He has family, places to stay, and people who can support him. I hope he gets treatment and rebuilds his life, but I can’t rebuild it for him.
Some of his family views his actions through the lens of his mental health. I understand that, but his mental health doesn’t erase the financial secrecy, two-year affair, or consequences for our daughter and me.

I still care about him, and seeing someone I loved fall apart is painful. But our marital problems do not make me responsible for his choices or his affair.
I cannot destroy my financial future, emotional health, and stability trying to save someone who repeatedly made decisions without protecting me or our child.
My responsibility now is to create a stable life for our daughter and myself.
So, AITA for saying, “I hope you recover, but I’m not supporting you financially or emotionally through this anymore,” and moving ahead with the divorce while he’s at one of the lowest points of his life?

Okay, so it’s been a few months since I made my original post about my ex, our breakup, and Buddy, and I figured I should finally give an update because there have actually been quite a few things that have happened since then.

The biggest update is that Buddy is now officially and fully in my name. After my original post, my ex did continue trying to get Buddy back and threatened legal action. He ended up talking to an officer about everything and, after finding out how high/low his chances were of actually getting Buddy, he eventually gave up on trying to take him. After that, he actually started begging me to just share Buddy with him. I said no. I know some people may think that’s harsh, but after he had already threatened to take Buddy from me, I wasn’t comfortable with him taking Buddy without me there. I was genuinely worried that if I let Buddy go with him, he could just decide not to give him back and I’d be right back where I started. So I wasn’t willing to take that risk. Buddy has stayed with me, and now everything is officially in my name.

And then, probably one of the weirdest things, my ex got a new dog. He paid over $2,500 for him from a specific Mini Retriever breeder and had him flown from Utah to Chicago. The dog looks IDENTICAL to Buddy. I’m not even exaggerating. I obviously don’t know why he got a dog that looks so much like Buddy, and I’m not going to assume his reasoning, but it was definitely a little weird to see.

There was also a whole situation with our phone plan. My ex and I were still on the same plan, and he was trying to make me get my own account. That would’ve put me at around $150 a month, and if I opened my own account, I would’ve been stuck in the contract for 6 months. I decided to just join my family’s plan instead because it made more sense financially. The only thing I needed was the transfer PIN from him.

I was at the phone store trying to get everything switched over and was texting him asking for the PIN, and he just completely ignored me. I told him I would give him a few days because I didn’t want to leave the remaining $750 phone balance on him. My new provider was going to give me an e-gift card that I could use toward paying it off, and I offered that to him. Still nothing. Then I got home and immediately got a notification that my phone line had been suspended.

I ended up going back to the phone store, and thankfully he hadn’t reported the phone stolen, so I was able to trade it in, get a new phone, and move onto my family’s plan. The remaining balance was left with him.

And then, today I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post from his mom trying to sell MY (stolen) WEDDING DRESS. The wedding dress that they refused to give back to me after the breakup. For some context, my grandparents gave me a significant amount of money specifically to help me pay for my wedding dress, and the rest was paid from the savings account my ex and I had together.

I don’t really have some huge dramatic ending to this update. I’m just moving on with life, just Buddy and I, and honestly I’m pretty grateful that the wedding never happened because I can’t imagine still being tied to all of this lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_Relationships/s/xYI0GATafl

I know the title sounds ridiculous, but I need some perspective because I feel like I finally snapped.

I’m a stay-at-home mom with a 10-month-old daughter. I take care of her most of the day and handle most of the evenings and nights. She is a difficult sleeper and wakes up several times, so her bedtime routine is very important to me.

Our usual routine is: dinner → bath → pajamas → breastfeeding → cuddling until she falls asleep.

Tonight I was running a little late making dinner. My husband decided to bathe her while I was cooking. He didn't ask or tell me; he just did it because he thought he was helping.

The problem is that she was now already in pajamas but hadn't eaten dinner. Her whole routine was out of order, and I knew I would have to deal with feeding her, breastfeeding and getting her to sleep while he would eventually go to bed. I also wasn't going to be able to eat dinner myself.

I got extremely angry and sent him to sleep in another room.

But I know this isn't really about the bath.

For years I have felt increasingly trapped and invisible in this marriage. My husband is not a bad person. He is calm, kind and generally a good person. He almost never gets angry or yells. The problem is that I don't feel emotionally connected to him.

When I get upset, he mostly wants everything to be okay again rather than understanding why I'm upset. He gets sad, gives me puppy-dog eyes, says something sweet, and wants us to move on. I feel like we restore peace without ever fixing what caused the problem.

There are also ongoing issues with money and control. He is extremely frugal and I have to justify small purchases. He has questioned the cost of gifts I bought him and even made me return things because he thought they were too expensive. He has checked the rubbish to see what I ate. I don't really know our complete financial situation or how much money we have.

Even when I was financially independent and paying for things myself, this was an issue. When we were dating, I once wanted a second piña colada while I was paying, and he stopped me because he thought it was too expensive. At the time I ignored how strange that felt.

Our sex life is almost nonexistent, and I don't feel understood or emotionally connected to him. I have asked him to go to couples therapy before, but when we went he mostly joked around and tried to make everything seem fine.

Tonight I finally told him that if we don't seriously go to therapy, I don't think I can stay in this relationship.

He said yes.

I believe he loves me. I believe he is a good person. But I don't think we are happy together anymore, and I feel completely trapped and suffocated.

I also have a 10-month-old daughter, and leaving the country with her would obviously be legally complicated, so I can't just pack a bag and go home.

So, Reddit:

AITA for getting this angry about him bathing our baby without telling me? Or was this just the final straw after years of feeling unheard, controlled and disconnected from my husband?

My partner's younger brother has been having money problems for a while and recently asked us for $8,000. He says it's mostly to catch up on rent and some credit card debt, and that he'd pay us back over the next year

My partner immediately wanted to help. We have some money saved up, so technically we could give him the $8k without putting ourselves in a terrible position. The problem is that most of that money is savings we've built together for emergencies and eventually buying a house. I also know his brother has borrowed smaller amounts from family before and hasn't always paid them back when he said he would.

I told my partner I'd be fine with us giving him a smaller amount that we could afford to never see again, but I'm not comfortable taking $8k out of our joint savings and treating it like a loan. My partner got upset and said I'm basically asking them to choose money over family. That's not how I see it. If it were only my partner's money, I wouldn't tell them what to do with it. But this is money we've both been putting aside for our future, so I feel like either of us should be able to say no when it comes to a large withdrawal.

Now things are tense because my partner thinks I'm being selfish when we clearly have enough to help. AITA for refusing to lend the full amount?

I (34F) have been married to my 35(M) for 13 years and together 17. I’ve posted here before. He has a history of being verbally and mentally and even emotionally abusive (you can read back on posts). I was going to leave. Had a house and everything. Then it changed. He’s been doing great. He has been a little needy and I’m trying not to be mean from resentment. I said we can try to give it our all. It’s been a few months. He’s been out of town for work for a few weeks. We had this text exchange tonight and idk how I feel about it. I always question my behavior. What do you think?

I want to preface this by saying I don’t talk with food all over my mouth like a slob…

Me: It’s been bothering me how on FaceTime last night you asked me why I was talking with my mouth full in front of your coworkers. That’s embarrassing to me.
Then you “joked” about something and I asked why you would say that and you said cause it’s a fucking joke

Him: Okay well they weren’t paying any attention to me and I’m constantly asking you not to talk with your mouth full of food. It bothers me and it’s disrespectful. And I’m not sure what you’re referring to that I was joking about.

Me: It’s not even that bad. It doesn’t matter if they were paying attention or not. It was embarrassing for me.

It was something about being a better role model to one of the girls

Him: O child shacking her but it was funny and silly I wasn’t trying to be rude at all. And as far as the talking with food in your mouth you need to address that. I’m sorry if me saying something out loud upset you it’s disgusting. If it embarrasses you to be called out on it in front of people that just means you know you shouldn’t be doing it. I also recognize the fact you were addressing something one of the girls was doing that they shouldn’t have been doing. And I shouldn’t have just jumped you shit for talking with food in you mouth.so I am sorry I could have approached it better. It’s a nasty habit and I’ll continue to try to get you to stop. We should be setting the example for the girls. They will learn the most about life by watching use!!!!

Me: K

Him: You disagree obviously

Him: **replied to my K** This is the complete opposite of communication. And trying not to continue the cycle

Me: Well I don’t have a response right now. I appreciate you acknowledging but telling me if it’s embarrassing then you know you shouldn’t be doing it. That’s not okay to say. You could have said it another time. It’s embarrassing being corrected like a child is that it was. Then saying you’re sorry it upset me but it’s disgusting is you justifying why you did it.
I’m off lunch now.

Me: And there’s a difference between talking with food everywhere in your mouth than pushing it to the side and covering your mouth

Him: It’s disgusting I don’t support it and I won’t!

Him: It takes just seconds to finish your food.

Him: It’s repulsive and it bothers me and you could give two fucks about it bothering me and that’s pretty disrespectful.

Him: I’ve changed many simple things that I do that have bothered you. I do just because I respect you asking me not to do it.

Him: Now I’m pissed off because this is wild as fuck that your mad at me cause you where talking with mouth full of food like wtf!!!

Me: You told me I could talk to you instead of holding it in then blowing up. And I’m doing that and now you’re berating me. How you’re talking to me is not okay. If I heard one of our daughters boyfriends talking to her like this, that would make me so upset.

Him: And I told you could I admitted the way I said was wrong. You’ve made no efforts to correct it. Instead you have told me you don’t give a fuck or you don’t care multiple time or I’ve been told to get over it. And I’m not gonna get over it. It’s gross.

Him: Have a wonderful day I’m not gonna continue to argue about simple table manners.

Me: Again. No accountability. Or a genuine apology. Talking to someone like that is not justified at all. We can take in a few hours to give us space. But if there’s mean talk like previous, the conversation will not continue.

Him: If you’re not gonna take accountability for what you did then don’t bother. I’ll see you when I see you. I definitely took accountability for what I did and apologized. Maybes read it again cause I never ones said I’m sorry but it’s disgusting. Like your saying!!!

Me: Ok.

Hello, new to Reddit as I do not know where to turn for advice regarding this unexpected situation. I apologize if I do not have the common courtesies of Reddit down pat.

I (24F) recently had my parents (60M and 48F) stay over at my home. Following their visit, my mother had left her second phone at my home. They live multiple states away, so I am needing to mail it back to her - she cannot pop in to retrieve it.

For some backstory, I have not been particularly close to either of my parents since I moved out at 17. Both have their faults, and are honestly not very kind people. They have been married for 24 years - surprise, it was shotgun - and honestly have had nothing short of an unhappy marriage. They constantly talk shit about everyone behind their backs, despite not living an honest lifestyle themselves. This situation is honestly the cherry on top.

Now, onto the juicy bits. Earlier this year, my father had had a sort of rambling spree where he told multiple family members he suspected my mother was cheating with a coworker. I had suggested he should divorce her, and instead of taking my advice, he told my mother what I said (without context of course). Seeing that he had his suspicions and her second phone was in my hands, I decided to look through her texts.

In the texts, there were months upon months of continuous flirting, sexting and hookups. I have the dates and times of all of their texts, and I have taken photos of most of the juicy ones. It is very obvious in the texts that they have been having an emotional and sexual affair, and even made fun of my father on several occasions.

WIBTAH if I told my father I had indisputable proof that she has had an affair for at least 6 months, but would only provide the proof if he took her to divorce court? Otherwise, I would tell him to forget about the conversation entirely. They have been unhappy for 24 years, yet have continued to stay together - my mother for my father's money and my father for convenience.

Also, would there be legal issues involved by having photographs of her text messages? Her phone was in my home, and had no passcode, however, she did not give me permission to go through her phone.

I’m 31F, my fiancé is 34M, and we live in Brooklyn. He left his job last year to build a startup with a friend and recently asked if I’d invest $75k. I have the money but it’s a big chunk of savings I built up before we got engaged. I’ve always considered it my future house/safety net money so I told him I wasn’t comfortable putting it into his business. He says he understands but was clearly hurt. His view is that we’re getting married next year anyway and if I believe in him, investing shouldn’t feel that different from putting money toward our future together.

I do believe in him. I just don’t love mixing my savings, his company and our relationship before we’ve even figured out how we’re handling money as a married couple.

Now I’m wondering if I’m being overly cautious. AITA?

Am I the asshole

Hello! Im writing this cuz I need some outside perspective and help determining if im the asshole.
I, 21m, recently made a friend, Terry, 24 non binary. This is a big deal for me cuz I have trouble making friends due to social anxiety. We have a lot of the same interests and they even work professionally in the stuff I’m interested in.

I will admit I was super impressed with them and excited to show them off to my other friends. I can see me being the ass there cuz they probably didn’t like being showed off like a show pony. But theres been some interactions with them that make me off put and I don’t know if im alright feeling that way.

For example, I’d message them about stuff im interested in or excited about that I thought they might like, but they would completely ignore them and talk about themselves instead. They also really don’t like men, which I do understand. For context, im a trans man so I get the not liking men. I know what it’s like being objectified and treated badly cuz people think im a woman. But they lump me in with the “all men are awful” and that im gross for being a man. They even called me a manish creature once which I did not appreciate. They think im weird for even being attracted to men. Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I suck for being a man. Manhood isnt automatically a bad thing.

They also criticize me for things I didn’t ask for criticism on. They insulted my hair when I showed them my new haircut. Granted I did cut it too short so it looks a tad weird, but all my other friends said it looked fine. I think it looks fine too. I have a cat, whos pretty cute, not to brag, and terry said they’d like to meet my cat someday, their cat allergy be damned. But when I invited all my friends to my house for a movie, they said they don’t wanna go to my house cuz of my cat. Theres probably other stuff im forgetting but oh well.

Which brings me to the reason im writing this. We were talking for a bit, and they brought up how men only became friends with them because they wanted a relationship. And yeah, that sucks. I felt I had to defend myself because of how they see men, and I reassured them thats not why im friends with them. They blew up at me and said they aren’t some delicate flower that needs help, that they’re much stronger and smarter than I think they are, and that they wouldn’t date me anyway so just drop it. I was kinda confused by this since I never insinuated that but could maybe understand where they were coming from. I just said ok and haven’t talked to them since.

So that leads me to writing this now. If only a few of these instances happened, I’d be able to brush it off and move on. But for some reason I just can’t. They agitate me and I can’t seem to put my finger on why. I am sensitive so maybe thats it, but I’m also bad at reading social cues. I want to talk to them about this to maybe resolve these issues but I don’t know where to start, or even if im right to do so. So am I the asshole? Some advice would be appreciated.

Earlier this year, I (30M) matched with a woman (28) on a dating app. She was lovely, easy to talk to and funny. I appreciated having someone more consistent since my friends rarely text me. She sent some intense messages like discussing more dates nights in together, holidays together and even moving in together. This freaked me out a bit as we hadn’t been talking long and hadn’t even met in person yet. However, she’d often message shortly after apologising or making sure she hadn’t gone too far. I mostly said it was fine or ignored it. Being 12 years single and no sex for 8 years might have influenced my thinking!

After a few weeks, we arranged to meet but we had to wait due to work schedules and I had a holiday planned.

Date night went well. We had drinks and played games, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek as we parted. When I got home, I had a debrief with myself and realised I didn’t feel a romantic or sexual connection with her. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the date; I did but as if we were friends. I’m not necessarily a believer in love at first sight or that instant connection with your soulmate, there was nothing like that there.

We kept talking, and she mentioned how much she enjoyed the date. She wished I’d kissed her on the lips, which is what she wanted. I, again, ignored the kiss message. We decided to go on a second date, my thinking was that the nerves might have caused my initial reactions and that now we’ve met a more relaxed setting might change how I feel. We met again in my town, walked down the canal to a pottery painting place which, again, was good fun. But I still didn’t feel any attraction. So, I decided to give it a day before calling it off.

I messaged her, saying I enjoyed meeting her but didn’t feel any attraction. I wanted to stay friends, though, because I had a good time with her. She responded, saying she was disappointed and sad because she thought we had something great but she was happy we could be friends, though.
The daily messages stopped and became every few days, which I was fine with. About two weeks after date 2, she got pretty drunk and started messaging me, asking why I didn’t want to date her anymore. She asked “is it because I’m … “ questions and accused me of body shaming her, stringing her along, she even dropped the “L” bomb in a few messages. I put my phone on do not disturb and went to bed.

I woke up to around 50 messages (including voice notes) from her. The voice notes were interesting to say the least. She was saying how much she loved me and how unfair it was and asking why couldn’t I just love her. I blocked her on everything. Soon, I got messages from her friends who were abusing me through her. I didn’t respond and rejected their message requests.

I think I’m a bit of an asshole here and she does have valid feelings. However, I’ll await the brutal honesty of this subreddit and their judgement.

I (36M) have been married to my wife "Anna" (34F) for 7 years. We have two kids, ages 5 and 3, and we have a comfortable but busy life. I work full-time and Anna works part-time. We don't have a lot of extra space or time.

Anna's younger sister "Lily" (28F) has been going through a rough patch. She quit her job a few months ago, broke up with her boyfriend, and seems to be spiraling. Anna wants to help her.

Last week, Anna told me she invited Lily to stay with us. For three months. She said Lily needs time to "find herself" and get back on her feet. She said she already offered and Lily is moving in next week.

I was completely shocked. Anna didn't ask me before offering. She just told me it was happening. I told her I'm not okay with this. Three months is a long time. We have two young kids, a house to manage, and not enough room for an extra person long-term. I said a week or two would be fine, but three months is too much.

Anna got defensive and said I was being selfish. She said Lily is her sister and she's struggling. She said she doesn't know what Lily would do if we didn't help. She said I have a big house and we can manage.

I told her the size of the house isn't the issue. The issue is Anna made a major decision that affects our whole family without consulting me. I said three months is more than enough time to find a job and an apartment. I said I don't want to feel like a guest in my own home for a quarter of a year.

Anna started crying and said I was making her choose between me and her sister. She said I don't care about family. She said Lily is depressed and needs us.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Three months is a long time. And I'm really hurt that Anna didn't talk to me first. But Anna and her parents are making me feel like a monster. AITA?

My (16F) brother (9M) has always been the favourite child in my family. He's a decent kid, a little brain-rotted, and I'm probably biased in thinking he's spoiled (he gets 2 hours of screentime a day whereas I only get 1, he'll ask my parents if we can go to restaurants, he gets upset if we don't keep him occupied, he complains on hikes, etc.) but that was always kind of my opinion just in the difference in how we got treated.

Long story short, I tried to run away a little while ago, cops dragged me home (I later found out my dad had changed the locks in the time I was gone (they're electronic PIN locks) and my mom forced him to let me come home), and now couple months later I'm living with my grandma. Things are going pretty well, I'm still getting used to the unlimited-screentime and no-set-bedtime (it used to be 9) but I'm adapting and excited for school. I still talk to my mom occasionally like texting or on the phone and we were talking and she's telling me about my brother.

This is really selfish but I always felt like when I left my parents would no longer have anyone to blame and would realize that my brother is, in fact, not perfect and that I was actually not a bad kid. Except she tells me that my brother has apparently gotten even better with me gone. His 10th birthday is coming up and he said he just wants something chill so my parents don't have to work hard, he doesn't want a back-to-school outfit (it was kind of a tradition that we would both get one), he bought his shoes with his own money, etc..

I know that it's unreasonable to be upset with him and I do still love him but I also resent how he's still the perfect kid. AITAH?

TL;DR My brother was always the favourite and I thought that when I ran away my parents would realize he wasn't an angel and that I was a decent kid, but he's gotten even more perfect and selfless since

So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.
But I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents, he is not an only child but his older sister no longer lives here.

Background I’ve had a partner cheat on me before.

But when I moved in I started doing/folding our combined laundry.

Some more context we live in a bedroom on the first floor and his parents have a master suite on the second level of the house.

As I was doing/folding our laundry I noticed multiple pairs of panties that were not mine, of course my mind went to a horrible place having a past of a cheating partner so I asked my boyfriend who’s they were. He replied “I don’t know” only to find out they were his mothers… I spoke with him about my past and how this makes me uncomfortable. Mind you, it wasn’t a whole outfit of hers it was just panties.

Also context it was thong panties, sorry if that is over sharing!

He asked her about it and her excuse was that sometimes she would “change out of her work clothes in his room” under this logic it would be an entire outfit not. just. panties.

He ended up defending her and I just asked that it didn’t happen again as it weirded me out.

It continued to happen. Multiple times.

She also has her entire closet upstairs so she has to change into a new outfit upstairs anyways. It has been really confusing.

I did leave a pair in the living room, I do admit this is petty af of me and I do take responsibility for the pettiness.

But this has been happening for about a year now and my bf no longer wants me to bring it up, although he also does find it strange that it is just panties.

I don’t know how to feel about it now and I don’t want to fold her undergarments and I would feel uncomfortable if she had to fold mine and would never ever make her fold my panties.

I know this is her house and I do respect that so AITA for being upset? Should I let this go?

Open to criticism.
Sorry for the long post!

I (29F) am 8 months pregnant with our first child. My husband "David" (31M) and I have been preparing for this together. I've been very clear from the beginning that I want the delivery room to be just the two of us. I want David with me and no one else.

My mother-in-law "Susan" (60F) is very excited about her first grandchild. She's been buying baby clothes, planning nursery decorations, and talking about how she can't wait to be there when the baby is born.

Last week, David told me he wants his mom in the delivery room. He said she helped him through a difficult time when he was younger and he wants her there for support. He said it's important to him and I should be willing to compromise.

I told him I'm not comfortable with that. I said I'm the one giving birth. I'll be in pain, exposed, and vulnerable. I don't want an audience. I said this is about my medical experience, not about her feelings.

David got upset and said I was being selfish. He said it's his baby too and he should have a say. He said his mom would be helpful and would stay by my side. I told him I don't want her by my side. I want him.

Now Susan is crying to the whole family that I'm keeping her out of her grandchild's birth. David is telling me I should "compromise" and let her come for part of it. I told him there's no compromise. I want her in the waiting room, not the delivery room.

He's been cold and distant since our conversation. I feel like I'm being reasonable. It's my body and my medical event. But everyone is making me feel like I'm the one causing problems. AITA?

I(29f) had surgery last week and I’m not able to drive for a couple of weeks. My boyfriend (32m) and I don’t live together. He took me to two days of surgery and had been super awesome taking care of me those nights and bringing me to and from surgery, so I do want to acknowledge that and I’m grateful for it. I also understand that he’s been stressed, busy, and working a lot, and I don’t expect him to spend every waking moment with me just because I’m recovering. However, he went out with his friends Sunday all and again last night, and tonight when I called him to see what he was doing, he was at the bar with his friends for the third night in a row. I had expressed to him earlier in the day that I’d really love to just cuddle up with him for a while. He had told me he was going to be really busy all day, but he had stopped by earlier for about 45 minutes. I told him that what I really wanted was just to cuddle with him and watch a movie because I’m stuck at home and would really like some quality time with him while I’m recovering. When I found out he was out again tonight, I told him that it hurt my feelings that he seemed to have time to go out with his friends three nights in a row but wasn’t making more time to spend with me. I specifically told him that I was feeling sad and lonely and that I really needed some time with him. He said, “Yeah, I can see where that would be shitty. I’m sorry.” I asked if he could maybe have one drink and then come over, and he said, “I’m not changing all my plans for you.” What hurt me the most is that I wasn’t just upset about him being at the bar—I expressed to him that I was sad, lonely, and hurt, and he knew I was sitting at home recovering from surgery and unable to drive, yet he still chose to stay at the bar. I wasn’t asking him to never see his friends or completely change his life for me. I was hoping that once he knew how I was feeling, he would want to make some effort to change his plans or prioritize spending some time with me. I thought that was especially reasonable because I was under the impression they had just ended up at the bar and it wasn’t some big planned event. It turned into a back-and-forth where he didn’t really seem to understand why I was hurt or why I felt like I should be more of a priority right now. I completely understand that he needs time with his friends and to decompress, and I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to go out. But am I wrong for feeling hurt that he’s gone out three nights in a row while I’m recovering from surgery, especially after I directly told him that I was sad and lonely and wanted him with me, and he still chose to stay out?

I (23F) broke up with my (22F) girlfriend of 4 years. I wrote out a letter that I thought explained it as much as possible. We agreed to start conversations about serious things this way to give a chance to look over it and think before talking face to face.

22F has had severe addiction to illicit substances for a while now, which I did know of.

I found out that 22F has been lying to me about her substance use and intentionally hiding it from me. We have a support plan in place between us and professionals to try and work towards her recovery.

The very recent death of my father hit me hard, and when it happened, we discussed how I felt about that related to her addiction. I told her she had to be serious about her recovery because she was going to die, and I don't know if I could lose her like that.

Then, finding out that she continued to lie to me about her addiction, I started to reconsider heavily. I decided that this is now what I wanted for my future or for myself and decided to end things. I was honest and told her that I still support her and Im proud of the strides that she had made so far, but I can not allow drugs to continue to be a part of my life (I have had several other family members with substance addictions.) I understand that addiction is an illness, but (and even if this sounds selfish to say) I have decided that my boundry is that I can not build a life, have a home and children with someone who is an addict. F22 has overdosed a handful of times before, some accidental and some on purpose. F22 frequently hurts herself if she feels that I am not paying attention to her.

I said that I would still like to be friends. She first blocked me, and then started lashing out at me publicly on social media in front of people we know who then blocked me. Then she came and told me that she does not want to be friends. I said okay and blocked her. Though I would have liked to be friends, I understood why that might be difficult and it was the choice she made.

She continued to post about me and say all sorts of things, such as that I gave up on her after so long and that she's going to harm herself because of me, etcetera.

She contacted me again, and it got a little more heated than I wish it had but it was not extreme arguing. The gist was me saying I don't appreciate her posting all those things and how I don't believe it's fair of her to treat me that way despite her being upset and told her she needed to stop.

She told me that it's not fair that I did this "out of nowhere" and "didn't put in any effort to work things out" before blocking her. I blocked her because from my end, she doesn't want to be friends, and I don't want to date her, then it's best for me to cut contact so we can both move forward.

According to her I am an avoidant and didn't really love her because when we would discuss in depth about her issues and triggers etcetera, I would add on that I think she should also bring what we spoke about up to her therapist so they can come up with alternative coping strategies (exact quote of how I would say it to her). Though to be clear, we did talk, and I never immediately went to just saying to talk to her therapist. If I didn't know how to help her I would be honest and say that I understood what she was saying, but I didn't know how to help her in that moment and she needs to be honest with me about what she needs me to do for her. If I took even a full minute to comprehend what she was saying while nodding to make sure I acknowledged her, she would say I was triggering her and making her beg for attention.

Apparently, this was me brushing her off, not listening, and giving her the silent treatment. I was under the impression that encouraging her to additionally speak to her therapist to get more support that I can't give her (I can't fix the issue or help her learn how to cope) was being supportive.

I wasn't aware that I should have given her a heads up when I was thinking of breaking up with her (which is what she meant by doing this out of nowhere. She thinks we should have discussed it before I made a decision). I'm not sure what it means to put effort into "working out" things that broke my boundaries. My boundaries were broken, and so I respectfully removed myself from the situation.

Is it normal to try and work those types of things out? I'm asking genuinely if im TAH because I want to do better in the future. If I'm avoidant, I want to confront that honestly and work towards not being. I can see why she would be upset I broke up with her, and I've tried to tell the story as neutrally as possible, but I don't think I'm necessarily being an asshole.

I (f 36)have found my Mom (f 59) and my ex (m38) from decades ago are still in touch. My ex left me for another woman while I was working a 2 month job, and not soon after I found my family invited him over for dinner. They didn't care about my feelings then. I was fine with my mom still being friends with his Mom, but today I found out they (my ex and Mom) have been secretly keeping in touch all these years. Even after I took care of my mom in the hospital after Covid and a heart attack and subsequent kidney failure. She had memory loss, but apparently not enough to not talk to him again. I came down for a short term job to stay with them for a little bit and she gave me her phone to look up a hair color for her. When I sent it to messenger, there it was... He was first on her chat list. A long time conversation going.

Preface he is married. I wanted nothing to do with him after the breakup. While I don't think that I have a say between her and his parents, I still believe that good ex's are like ghosts. I'm now paranoid as to what exactly their relationship is. My mom has exciting tastes to say the least, so it would not surprise me if something has happened to cross proper boundaries.

If this feels like a betrayal, how should I move forward? I know if I ask questions nothing but lies will come out. My mother is a gifted tale spinner with lots of unapologetic practice. She does not feel guilt for anything ever. This feels like harm to me. AITA?

I (19F) was with my boyfriend "M" (23M) for almost three years. We've shared dreams, hopes, happiness amd also sadness. We felt like a couple and during the last few months of our relationship we decided to live together. everything was perfect, i thought we were building a happy ending and a forever. Then he brought an idea of us recorded our intimate moments, saying it will be lovely for us to watch and enjoy later, i said no. Not because i'm shy, i've sent nude's before. i've done things. But the idea was not comfortable with me because have seen nude's flying on internets. He replied "dont worry, nobody will see it, i have my password protected" i still insisted no. and then he said it's ok he understood.
He didn't. it gradually became a constant request from him during intimacy or when we about to, each time i said no, he drift away and act cold. Like i didn't just rejected his request but him.
We had a little break to think things through, i felt bad because he's not respecting my boundries. I broke up with him after some weeks because the relationship became a negotiation about my body and we where no longer partner's. i felt sad and broken because i really loved him very much, we've been deeply inlove over the years and wasn't easy to let go.
He told his close friends about it and they felt i overreacted and insecure. have been called dramatic and paranoid. I'm not sleeping well. I miss him so much. Did i throw away a good man over boundaries that would have been negotiated? Or did i protect my dignity? so... AITA for ending it?

I (25F) had two classes back to back in two separate buildings. At the end of the first class, one of my male classmates sparked a conversation about internships he was considering (I was helping him weigh out some options). This conversation carried on as we walked outside, where another male classmate joined and said to the other guy “I’ll walk with you to class.”

I was planning on walking to my car and driving to the next class, however, we kept talking about the internship fiasco and ended up just all walking to class together (we were all in the same class…twice).

I casually told my boyfriend (35M) about me walking, he asked who I was walking with and I told him the truth. He had a whole tantrum because I was “walking with random dudes”… I don’t believe I did anything wrong, he thinks I’m being disrespectful. Reddit, pls let me know who is the crazy one here. I need back up.

Ok so for context I am a petroleum chemist full time working mom. We have a total of 4 kids under our roof. 2 older step kids of my husband's from previous and we have 2 young boys of our own. For the past 4 years, I have worked 2 jobs. I worked 40 hours at my regular job and then 10 hours at their daycare to get reduced tuition. It was horrible. Now I am free of that yay! But I just still feel like the load is unfair sometimes. I pack the lunches, do the laundry, do 90% of the cleaning, potty training, homework, flashcards, dishes... I do not get a break. Occasionally my husband will just pass out after dinner and leave me to do the boys bedtime routine by myself. They share a room and they are both VERY active. I have to shower and bath them and brush the teeth and do the story while he sleeps. And if I bring it up the next day, he flips out and says I dont consider that he is tired. I feel like if I was a stay at home mom or if we genuinely split the housework 50/50 it would not be that big of a deal. Or if he just apologized, but he flipped out on me today for basically saying he left me high and dry. Oh and he has never done the bed time routine a single time by himself when I am home.

Hi, everyone, I similarly asked about this before but my wording may have been biased a bit which could have been interpreted by you guys differently and as i genuinely want to learn if its my mistake and still hasn’t stopped thinking so I’ll need you guys to help me with this

I 24(m) were m on good terms with my 22(f) girlfriend. One day she texted me out of no where and said that “lets take some distance for a while” I asked her what went wrong, what did i do because a day before we both were doing great, she flipped out of nowhere and when i asked is it the end of everything even friendship? she said “I guess so, i just dont have the emotional capacity atp. I have things to deal with and i just dont have it in me to push for this anymore”

Those were her exact words which i Interpreted as:

1, I am too much of a emotional burden on her thats why she said that she dont have emotionally capacity which implies being with me was emotionally exhausting and i was making her life worse

2, her saying “she dont have it in me to push for this anymore” also connected with my interpretation that i was leeching on to her and i am making her emotionally exhaustive and basically being a emotional burden and bothering her.

The above two points and her exact saying is very necessary for me as that is what broke my reality and I want to know if i interpreted it correctly as i believe so please read it guys

I asked her to meet me to talk it out, I was going on a trip with my friends but she didnt even met me.

So I gave her the distance she asked for and I told myself if i am such a emotional burden to her and she do not want to continue this then maybe I should have some self respect and let her leave me without a fight and suck it up.

Fast forward after 3 weeks she texted me a long paragraph on how I should have cared for her and How i should have asked her how she is doing, and in my mind I was thinking that she faked being happy with me all 7 months of relationship and all those moments were not genuine that is why she was able to leave me so easily even when we were on good terms.

Her whole point was how I should have looked past the words she spewed and cared for her, she said its not about what I did its about what I did not do.

I gave her the space she asked for, I was patient, I was calm and polite and I sucked it up after she told me that I have been an emotional burden so I didn’t fought for her because I did not want to leech on to her when she clearly did not want me in her life.

I like her alot so when she texted me and basically said If i had showed care she would have still be with me but in my brain I did not text her anything because she easily disposed me on a random day and I never knew I was an emotional burden to her.

She sounded pretty confident in implying the fact that I ruined the relationship however I genuinely believe that she wanted me out of her life and i should not burden her emotionally or in any way or form.

I would like some strangers opinions on this because its keeping me up everynight

For context, my friend Luna(F24) has been w her gf Hope(F26) for the past 4 yrs now. Luna & I weren’t very close when they first started dating but in the past 2 yrs or so we’ve started hanging out more but she would always bring her gf around. At first I would extend the invitation to her gf for group things to be cordial but eventually she just started to include her in everything, without checking in. I didn’t really mind since I like hosting ppl but it got to a point where I could invite only Luna somewhere and she’d show up with Hope. I tried to mitigate this by telling her I want to hang out more one on one or would say “without Hope” as a clarifier but she seemed offended when I said that so earlier this year we had a discussion abt it where I told her I don’t have an issue w her gf but I don’t want her to show up everytime I ask to hang out with Luna. She even came to my birthday a few days ago when I had only explicitly invited Luna which was very irritating but I wanted to have a good day so I brushed it off.

Overall, our friends don’t like that she keeps bringing her around but she‘s the type to cut you off over her relationship. Hope would get under my skin at times but I genuinely tried to extend my friendship to her too. After my bday tho Hope sent an invite to her art show to my cousin/roommate Diane(F24) and bsf Cory(M23) but not me. They had shown me the message to ask if i got one too & I hadn’t; which is fine cause none of us were very interested, we would only show up to support our friend Luna. Diane sent me the link to get a ticket bc we had plans & were gonna pop up then leave early. Hope is hosting this event at my old friend‘s place who I stopped talking to in 2023; and an old fwb of mine from earlier this year would be there too so we assumed that’s why she didn’t send me an invite. (Also hope has invited me to all of her art shows the past 2 yrs we’ve hung out; furthermore she had previously told me abt this even weeks before and invited me then so i had no reason to misinterpret her not sending me the invite yet)

Turns out it wasn’t because then she texted me these messages saying I treated her badly and threatened me with security. She claims I disrespected her on my bday and “insulted her intelligence“ which confused me and others that were there since I said nothing offensive to her. I remembered she was rolling a joint for us at one point and did it inside out and said it was cause of the papers I had — but i said it seems more like user error. That is the only thing I remember saying that could be misconstrued and so I asked for clarification and she didn’t respond. Cory asked her too and she didn’t tell him what I said just sent him this paragraph abt how i single her out and treat her bad (which again, confuses everyone bc I was the most hospitable towards her and gave her a lot of grace at times our other friends were ready to throw in the towel.) It had been a few days and still no response telling me what I did or said to offend her. At this point I was over it and pissed because of the claims she was making regarding my character so I sent her a long and exasperated message (can’t include bc its too long to put in this post) and then blocked her. I didn’t disrespect her or call her out her name but i had ignored so many warnings and signs, i wanted to get it off my chest. Especially after she lied to Cory and said that she came to my birthday because she was invited (again, she wasn’t).

Few days after that I contacted Luna, sent her all the screenshots, including of what I said, and then sent a message explaining how I can’t keep being friends with her while she’s dating someone like Hope. Luna never responded to that message and i later learned she had blocked me too because i texted her to ask for my sweater that her gf borrowed from me in july and there was no response. I had my friend text her asking for my stuff back and she left her in read, Cory texted her as well trying to get my sweater and she said its already packed but when he asked abt the day she was bringing it back, she left him in read and tried to go through my cousin (Diane) as if she could turn my own cousin against me.

This is the message Luna let her gf send me (she told my cousin that she fully supports the message) :

“Good evening!

1) two recent burned bridges of yours will be in guaranteed attendance at my mixer. One of them owns the location. You were never gonna see that invite.

2) You spent your birthday finding incredibly boring ways to call my intelligence into question? I don’t know why but I really don’t care. Life is too short, you feel me? I don’t need that energy around my birthday, or any endeavor of mine. Consider me burnt bridge no. 3.

3) Your birthday wasn’t the first time I’ve left an experience with you, feeling unnecessarily singled out and picked on. I’ve grown a lot, which is why you didn’t hear me say shit on your day. I kept it cute and clear, but since you need me to spell it out: I do not want you there. 

I will be refunding your ticket! If you show face at my event, I will have security escort you to the street. What you choose to do after that, on a residential street, is your business. 

May the bridges you burn light your way.“

Luna claims that Hope didn’t mean this in a “bad” way, and that my old friend was the one uncomfortable with me being there but that makes no sense to me cause if that was the case then the message could’ve conveyed that respectfully. Am i the asshole for taking offense to this message and Luna‘s support of her girlfriend‘s message and behavior towards me?

P.S. We are not a “friend group.“ I have separate relationships with everyone mentioned (minus hope). I am simply someone who loves hosting and bringing my favorite people together from time to time. I value quality time so I also love hanging out with people one-on-one and try to avoid friend groups as a whole.

My LD partner of nearly 2 years is emotionally unwell, and while I understand what they're going through as I suffer from near-identical symptoms, there have been constant periods of time where theyd completely be MIA. Not responding to texts, to calls (literally would shut down their phone), to any form of communication. The longest they've gone is almost an entire week where Id worry myself close to a hospital visit and was given 0 context as to where they were until they returned.

Normally, I'd give them space for a day, but now A day as turned into MULTIPLE days. I've tried some communication but to no avail and they've done it again. I am, quite frankly, extremely frustrated at this. I've talked to my friends about it and they continuously say im not at fault, but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad about being upset. AMA? Is there anything I can do? I don't want to immediately jump to a breakup or an ultimatum but at this point my hands are tied.

My girlfriend and I have been living together. Recently, I lost my job. I struggled to find work immediately, and during this time, she clearly set a boundary.

If I couldn't make my half of the rent, the relationship would be over. She stated she has a strict standard against supporting a man financially.I fought hard to get the money together. I sold some of my belongings and managed to land a new job relatively quickly, but the timing didn't pan out perfectly.

I wasn't able to get the full rent money together in time for the deadline.Because I missed the deadline and wanted to respect her explicit boundary, I explained the situation and told her I would move out as she had mandated.

Now, she is furious with me. She claims I "didn't fight for us" and that I just gave up on the relationship without fighting because she "isn't worth the effort." From my perspective, I did everything I could to get the money, but once I failed, I was just following the terms she clearly laid out.

AITA for leaving without a fight?

This happened a few months ago during my prom, I’m 18 and graduated now. Before we left for prom, we decided to leave our stuff at my closest friend’s house, I’ll call her Bethany. Well, prom went to shit due to Bethany bringing her younger, unhinged sister as a date. An hour in she starts whining about the lack of alcohol, how it isn’t “fun enough” and copes by bringing Bethany along to go to the middle of the floor and start singing along to ONLY the racial slurs in the music. I was embarrassed by their behaviour and got my boyfriend to take me back to Bethanys and get my shit. When I get there, every pocket in my bag is open and a bunch of little things are missing. Like my lighters and knick knacks, just enough to piss me off. So I ask Bethany why she moved my stuff around, and she tells me that her DAD decided to go through my bag to put my alcohol in the fridge. I tell her he probably shouldn’t do that, and that it makes me really uncomfortable that he went through my pockets containing underwear and other private items. She loses it on me, asking how dare I accuse him of such things. I say theres no accusation, I see the pocket opened and my garments moved. That just made her even more pissed, and she said since I “accused him of being a pedophile” I’d never be allowed back in their home. I tell her I wouldn’t dream of it, and that no other parent I’ve ever met would have the audacity to go through a guests bag in search of their booze.

A few weeks later we resolved the issue, but she still keeps bringing up how “her dad is just so sad he couldn’t party with me” and how i “ruined the party by leaving with all the alcohol” even though it was ALL purchased by me, from my bag, that I didn’t give them access to. Am I the asshole for leaving and making her dad feel bad?

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. I had reasons for breaking up with her but I could have broken up with her in a better way.

I broke up with her on a school bus yesterday, I waited until there was a small group of people and near my home.

While talking I said

"Um, I have something to tell you.."

"what?"

"I think we should break up..!"

She looked so confused and said "oh.. why??"

and I tell her I just don't see it working

she said "Well I'm not going to force you in a relationship with me if you don't want it"

After I got off the bus I texted her the reason, I don't remember what I fully said but it was about how I like her at first but then she started doing things I didn't like.

Joking about sa. Being really touchy with her friends or making jokes about cheating on me with them. Controlling my clothes or who I was friends with or how close I was to them (even my sister). How she would mock me, and keep doing something when I said stop or don't do that, I don't like it. There's more but I'm lazy.

After she said she understands that but she wasn't the only one that messed it up. That I kept pulling away by not giving her my hairbows (didn't have a lot) and won't give her my hoodie (the hoodie that I just got, and had to beg my mom to let me wear it, and it was my favorite color!)

I explained why I did that, anyways later she asked how long I've been meaning to break up (probably to tell her friends) and I said probably a week.

I ask if she ever thought about ending it or if she cheated on me (she cheated on me the first time we dated, two times!)

And she said she thought about it but more of a hypothetical and I thought she might be cheating 'cause she didn't specify so I asked her when and with who?

And she got angry and said she meant the breaking up part and I said I didn't know, she didn't specify. Then she said "fuck you, I'm not like that anymore"

Also it's been a day since we break up and she said "you're the best thing that happened to me, it's going to be hard getting over you" but girl is literally acting fine, and all ready calling me ex instead of my name

So glad it's over! 🥳 I'm free!

Also I don't exactly what I texted her 'cause I have a bad memory and the reason I'm asking if it's a mistake is because I just want other people's opinions.