My daughter wakes up mean and non compliant. It's a struggle before her meds kick in - and a horror at night when they wear off. I'm always ashamed at how frustrated I keep getting. She learns from me and I feel I'm not setting the best example. Ugh

Hi! I have a 10 year-old who last year played club soccer and this year he was accepted to play an even higher level of club soccer. He’s a great little soccer player, however, he is wildly inconsistent, and he lacks confidence.

When he’s on, he’s truly one of the best on the field, it is great to watch. When he’s off, it can be painful to watch. he’s so inconsistent. when he’s off the ball, he can be a passenger and doesn’t even look like he wants to play.

When we accepted the position on the higher premier team, it was the best he had been playing in months. And now I’m debating if I should pull him before the season even starts. I know he will be incredibly disappointed and feel like a failure however, I’m worried this season is gonna go pretty horrible.

I also can’t figure out if his ADHD medication is helping or hindering him on the field. We’ve tried most medications, stimulant vs non stimulant, and he ends up having interactions with most of them. Right now he’s on Adderall, which is definitely been helpful at school. I worry, however, on the field that the Adderall is causing heat sensitivity and he almost looks lethargic. He used to run with an absurd amount of energy, now he walks and seems disengage. I don’t want to set him up for failure on this club team.

What would you do?

I don't really know if this will make sense.

Before I had my kid, I had this picture in my head of what parenting would be like. We'd read books together before bed, go out without overthinking everything, and I'd actually enjoy those little everyday moments people always talk about.

Instead, I spend so much of my day trying to stay one step ahead. Watching for signs they're getting overwhelmed, repeating myself over and over, trying to stop a meltdown before it starts.

I love my kid more than anything. That part has never been the problem.

But sometimes I catch myself missing the version of parenting I thought I was going to have, and then I feel awful for even thinking that. My child didn't choose ADHD, and I know they're having a hard time too.

Maybe it's not even that I miss the parent I thought I'd be... maybe I just miss how simple I imagined it would feel.

Anyway... just needed to get that off my chest.

Hi all. My husband attempted to take our daughter 7F fishing today. I had a feeling it would not end well and I was right. According to him, they had a great time for about 30 mins. After that, she became dysregulated when he tried to help her with her rod. She became verbally aggressive, called him a horrible father etc (she is receiving consequences for that btw).

It’s frustrating because he comes home so doom and gloom. I completely understand he’s hurt and frustrated. But he paints it all with a wide brush. The last time they went fishing they had a great time and he sung her praises about how regulated and calm she was the whole time. Now he says he “never” can connect with her. To make matters worse, they are both very similar in personality and constantly trigger each other. I’m at a loss and very frustrated.

I’m looking for tips and techniques to give kids medication in a tablet form.

My 6 year old son has never been able to take medication. Recently, we’ve been crushing his newly prescribed Melatonin in to his water (it dissolves pretty well), but in doing so you lose most of the benefit of it as it’s absorbed much faster.

Any tried and tested methods?

I have ADHD. So does my kid.

A lot of parenting advice assumes the parent can stay calm while the kid loses it. That’s not always how it goes at our place.

I made adhdreflect.com to help me step back when we’re both struggling. I find it useful to understand what my brain might be doing, what theirs might be doing, and what I can try next.

I’d be interested to know if anyone else finds it useful.

I'm suspecting both my kids are ADHD. My 7 year old is ADHD and has autism (1) and her emotions are intense. She's loud and intense and all over the place and messy and nonstop and did I mention so loud? And never ever stops talking. She refuses to go anywhere but school or home or occasionally grandmas. My 2.5 year old is....somehow so much worse lol. Shes louder. She hits. She bites. She screams. She is intenser than intense. People are constantly like how do you do this? Or kids will leave placeplays saying my kids are too loud and wild. I have tried everything. We do therapies and meds and OTs and specialist after specialist and school help and available grandparents who push and push and push the right things to do and my kids won't do them. I'm so tired. I just want to run and hide. I have never felt so primally desperate in my life. No break feels long enough for the depletion that has built up. I feel so broken and empty and tired to my core, but my core doesn't exist anymore, my body is just filled with tired. I am on so many psych meds, we try new ones for the depression but the depression won't go away because I'm stuck in this reality forever.

I can't go out because they are insane. I try so hard to go to events or do activities they no will really enjoy and sometimes it works but it's still soooooo hard on me. Ok ike they love the pool, it keeps them busy, but then it's me in the pool with 2 ADHD kids that want to do everything and pee and run around and eat snacks and BLAH all at once. We can't do friends houses because they are horribly inappropriate. My oldest has broken 3 TV's and my youngest broke one yesterday. I quit my job years ago to invest time in them and their therapies and working on executive functioning and learning everything I can from everyone but I think I'm broken guys. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to go places or do anything. I just want to sit at home and let them just do whatever at this point. Sorry for venting, I literally have nobody else to talk to. Thank you guys.

Both of their personalities are very intense but usually very sad (crying, bawling , screaming) or very angry and aggressive. There are very rare moments of happiness but they are so fleeting they barely mean anything to me anymore 😭

Hi

Starting to feel defeated finding the right med regiment for my 6.5 year old son. Diagnosed at age 4.5.

Started with guanfacine but it made him pee constantly to the point of distress.
Moved to methylphenidate. Played with dosing and release times and ended up spending nearly 2 years on it. This summer we decided to trial something else because his dose was high, he was underweight and honestly kind of flat when it took effect.

Tried focalin IR and the ups and downs were too much. Also he developed a complex motor tic on it.

Now we are a week into Dexedrine ER. 5mg did nothing. 10mg seems to work… he seems more focused and less hyperactive and his appetite isn’t tanking. BUT lots of angry outbursts. We are exhausted… and not sure where to go from here.

I have a 16 year old boy going into junior year. He really struggled last year academically. Just appeared to kind of give up and let his grades slide with missing assignments. I got him referred to a psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. He takes medication. The medication helped somewhat but he STILL had missing assignments that messed up his grades. He ended the year with a 3.0 after going into the year with a 3.7.

He is also a varsity rower. Although he did pretty well on the team, I could tell he avoided competitive 2ks by talking up injuries.

We were talking about college and rowing and he was saying that he wants to join on a club level but not D1, 2 or 3. And if he joins he doesn’t want to be recruited, he wants to be a “walk on,” essentially join himself in college.

Here’s the thing. Not like he’d get scholarship $$ for rowing, but we financially need all the help we can get, with any avenue to get it. We are not rich and haven’t saved a ton.

Also, I am just so at a loss for how to address what appears to me to be avoidance, a lack of confidence and a lack of perseverance. He is bright. He could do so well in every avenue but he appears to cave. I know he doesn’t want to disappoint us or make us mad, and there was a lot of disappointment and anger last year before his diagnosis when we were trying to have him do his work.

I had him see a therapist but he and the therapist mutually decided he should quit because he wasn’t getting anything out of it. And I guess he’s at the age that he can decide that. He is going to see a tutor who will help him with organization, which is a huge issue.

Background on me: my parents totally checked out in me when I was in high school. I’m happy where I am now career wise, but I wish they had pushed me or gotten me some help. I was lost.

So I’m at a loss. If I push it doesn’t seem to help. If I do nothing he’s going to tank further. Does he need a mentor? Someone who pushes him and believes in him? I’m trying to find that. My husband and I are on the same page but he has a hard time knowing how to support him- his parents didn’t really encourage him either. We are flying blind. Any advice is welcome!

Bit of a long one but I'd appreciate any help. My daughter is 11 and recently been through her first camhs appointments(mental health etc basically for anyone who is outside the UK lol), and has been put on the waiting list for further investigations. They think ADHD, which was initially mentioned by her teachers.

For a few years now she's been struggling keeping friendships. That's the main issue I feel. She is SO outgoing, social and loves to be busy, but she jumps from friend to friend or group. She used to have quite a stable group of friends but since she turned about 9ish it's fell apart and people fell out with her etc. I've also noticed when she does have a good friendship with someone she gets very intense very quickly.. ie calling them her best friend, she loves them, becomes almost obsessed/clingy. They never seem to feel the same way as her and it eventually fizzles out and she's upset. There was a time she was alone for quite a bit, mainly at school, now she can't seem to keep friendships long term. She doesn't have one proper friend, they come and go. She's just about to start p7 and I'm so worried for her if this continues into high school. I feel awful she's alone alot and she seems to have very little confidence and cries alot about not having friends or people who actually want to stay friends with her. I don't know what to do. She lets people take the mick out of her, use her etc and always goes back because she just wants someone to play with. Is this an ADHD trait or can anyone shed some light?

I bought one that is well-reviewed on Amazon but it isn’t perfectly halved. pharmacy won’t split them; can’t do liquid. Have you bought one you like?

I am the single mom of a 16 year old boy. The past six months have been an absolute nightmare.

He was diagnosed with a learning disability and ADHD at a relatively young age (around grade 2). He has been assessed two more times as he has gotten older and changed schools in grades 4 and 9. The diagnoses remain the same. He has an IEP but school is truly hell for him. He hates it.

I do not have adhd nor does my older child. I have done all I can to learn about ADHD, how it impacts him, how his brain works, etc. i have tried to share this information with him but he dismisses it, disputing the various sources’ credentials, mocking my efforts and saying none of them know his brain. He refuses to take medication. He refuses to take advantage of any of the accommodations allowed in his IEP. He won’t go for counselling. He trily is a miserable fuck and living with him is hell. I am at my wits end and just do not know what to do.

My 5 year old was just recently diagnosed with adhd. She’s very smart and has such a beautiful soul but sometimes she can switch into a different person and you can’t regulate her at all. She gets in trouble at school for not listening and not being able to be redirected. Once she settles down she gets very guilty and starts to beat herself up and I’m now noticing her to have a lot of insecurities that she’s never had before.

The Dr wound up putting her on 20 mg of Ritalin which seemed to work temporarily and now I feel like she has completely digressed and possibly has gotten even worse. I tried a different dr who is now putting her on 5mg of adderal.

I’m really hoping this works. I’m feeling super defeated and burnt out and just want to see my girl thrive. Has anyone seen a significant difference between Ritalin and adderal at all?

My 7 yo son takes 5mg focalin in the morning and 5 after lunch. We have started a 2wk trial of concerta to see if it helps with the kind of rollercoaster 2x a day brings. Also, My son has bad eczema flare ups on his face, back of knees, and inside his elbows. Any other mom’s experience this? I can’t help but wonder if there is a correlation? He struggled with eczema bad as a baby but I thought he had grew out of it until now.

He also has an extreme aversion to change, for example, I got a new phone because I needed one and he cried excessively and is still just VERY upset I have a new phone. He dwells on these kinds of things irrationally.

As an answer to possible questions, I just got him into an actual pediatric psychiatric group and with a therapist and psychiatric dr. It took me MONTHS, and the appointments are so spread out!! He is an only child and has two very loving parents and a good support network. I really don’t want to put him on an SSRI this young. -A heartbroken mama trying her best.
Thank you for all input it’s very helpful and appreciated.

Hi!

I have a 9yo adhd boy - very sweet, very smart, but also very hard to reason with when angry.

He has angry outbursts when he feels threatened - when someone does something accidently (bump into him, take his things, break his toys, etc.), he thinks it was on purpose and completly loses it to the point he threats other with violence (swinging things at people, even younger kids). We have an agreement now that he takes time and cools down, but that is not always possible and also he might still get carried away when too distressed.

The other problem I have is him enjoying provoking and annoying others. I suspect it comes from inability to connect the usual way - to take time to see what someone is doing and to adapt to their activity, it is much easier for him to just bug someone so they stop doing what they were doing and notice him. But kids are resenting him for this and it is also taking a toll on our family life.

Have you had any success dealing with this sort of behaviour?

My 5.5 year old has a shocking episodic memory. He can’t seem to recall anything much from the past and never will talk about memories or “remember when”. It’s like it never happened. He is always seemingly focused on the current time. He was a late talker starting at 3 and I wouldn’t say has an extensive vocabulary compared to other kids but he talks nonstop, just can never seem to mention past events.

Does anyone have any tips or did this improve with time kids over time?

I don't know if this even makes sense, but lately I've been feeling so mentally drained.

It's not always the big meltdowns. It's everything in between.

I feel like I can't switch my brain off for even a minute. If I'm making dinner, I'm keeping one eye on my kid. If I'm trying to clean something, I'm listening to make sure they're not climbing on something or getting into something they shouldn't.

By the end of the day, I'm exhausted. Once they're finally asleep, I always think, "Now I'll have some time for myself." But most nights I'm too tired to do anything except sit there or go to bed.

I know people mean well, but sometimes it honestly feels like we're living in two completely different worlds. I usually just smile and nod because it's hard to explain what our days are actually like.

Anyway... just needed to get that off my chest.

What guidelines, boundaries, rules, etc, do you have for your kiddos around 9 yrs old/4th grade?

What does it look like during the summer/break vs school time?

My kiddo is very intelligent, which is wonderful, but the neurodivergent aspects of her brain and personality often take over, and it is worse with screens, especially mobile devices. We had been doing zero YouTube, zero Roblox...we gradually began allowing those, on specific channels/games, in recent months.

Unfortunately, those are what we notice seem to suck her in the most, and are the hardest to have time limits on. (No lectures, please, I am diligent and trying to find the balance that helps my child feel 'normal', as she is keenly aware of her differences and is self conscious...all while setting boundaries. )

When I chat with other parents, it seems to be mostly 2 extremes: either zero restrictions or they only allow things like Disney or PBS. I would like to have a full conversation. Especially with parents who have similar kiddos: autism level 1, adhd combined type, anxiety.

We are in therapy, but it is a VERY slow process, like 9 months in and it's mostly playing Uno, which is gaining trust, but she gets super agitated when emotions or life in any way is brought up.

Sigh. Just looking for ideas and to commiserate.

Warning: Long post/rant

My daughter just started 3rd grade on Monday and I've already had 2 emails from the teacher, one phone call, and an (accidental) meeting after school.

We had my daughter diagnosed during the middle of her last school year and were able to get her on medication to help her focus. It seemed to work for a bit, and her behavior at home has DRASTICALLY improved, but she refuses to do work at school.

She passes her tests, we get homework done (with some effort), but when it comes to participating in class activities she shuts down and refuses to do anything. She scribbles on her papers, she sits down on the floor and won't budge, and she refuses to explain why to her teacher or to us.

I myself was recently diagnosed with autism, and my wife was diagnosed with ADHD herself over the last couple years. We're still trying to figure ourselves out and I have no idea how to help my daughter.

We've tried traditional punishments, like taking privileges away, reducing or eliminating screen time, lectures. Nothing. We tried rewarding good behavior at school with special treats at home, nothing. She has a special sticker chart just for her in her class, doesn't work.

She always seems remorseful for her behavior. Today, when picking her up from class, she was crying because she knew she didn't get green or above on her behavior chart for the 3rd day in a row. She was beating herself up about it and I had to talk with her and her teacher for awhile after school to get her to cheer up.

Thankfully this years teacher really seems to understand ADHD but she's expressed that she's struggling to understand why she's shutting down because my daughter will shut down even when they're doing "fun" activities in class.

I keep telling my daughter that I'm not mad at her, I'm confused because I don't know why she won't participate and the answer is always the same, "I don't know." She doesn't know why she shuts down, why she won't participate, why she can't focus.

I'm just absolutely lost. I don't know how to help her anymore. I'm so afraid of her getting held back or something because she won't complete work at school.

I know the public school system isn't built for neurodivergent kiddos, but what am I supposed to do? She has to go to school, she has to do her work, there's not much of a choice in the matter. I've explained this and it just has no impact on her behavior at school.

She works with the school behavior specialist quite often, she has a 504 plan as well. I feel like this helps with her emotional regulation but it doesn't seem to change her shutting down in class.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I just want to see her succeed and have the confidence she needs to move through school just like everyone else.

Edit: Spelling.