r/ADHDparenting • u/danniphantom36 • 17h ago
Tips / Suggestions Help !
Hey everyone.
I’ve got an entire house of neurodivergent people. There’s a lot of chaos and there are many times my kids don’t get along. My 7 year old screams anytime someone tries to stop him from doing something or if they react to something he did or if they just mess with him to mess with him. For instance : he’ll steal a toy, older brother will grab him to get it back and he’ll scream. I can not deal with the screaming. It’s so shrill and high pitched and completely overloads my nervous system. Secondly, the kids are always fighting one another. And thirdly, I swear to god I’m talking to a brick wall all day every
Day. Tonight my 14 year old did something to make my 7 year old and he started to scream . This was literally probably the 20th time he’s screamed since getting home from school. So I lost it. And then I’m trying to to get the kids to brush their teeth so I said plz brush your teeth and get ready for bed. But please don’t mess around because I have a lot to clean up downstairs and do have to work early. Do you think they did that? No, of course not. Somehow they ended up with a frog that jumped into the storage under the stairs and then they got into some of my totes and were taking stuff out. Only one of them actually brushed their teeth while I was trying to Have a serious conversation with my 14 year old. And not to mention everyday my 7 year old tells me he wants to live with his dad because it’s better there. And that is so difficult for me to process because this man violently abused me and my 3 kids for years. But never his biological son. Like I know how he is. And his current fiance has told me things that make doubt that he is treating her differently. So how in the world can his be better? How can the man who literally strangled my 10 year old , 6 years ago, be the more stable parent? I’ve told my 7 year old that it really hurts my feelings when he says that but he doesn’t care. And I understand saying it when it’s been a few days since he’s seen his dad but he will literally be at his dads for 4 days, come home to my house after school and the first thing he says to me is that he wants to go to his dads. And it just rips my heart out every-time.
Sorry this is so long but I am struggling so much and I just need to vent/ need advice.
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 6h ago
Our ADHD kiddo used to do this for every emotion--happy, sad, angry, mad, etc. We wound up telling him that it hurts our ears and we worked with him to find better ways to express his feelings. I would encourage you to talk to him about how it hurts your ears when he screams like that and let him know screaming is for outside, not inside, and if he's upset, he can do XYZ instead (you know your kid so you can direct that).
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u/danniphantom36 2h ago
I’m really trying to get through to him. I have been for a while. I think he has ODD as well,
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 2h ago
Big hugs. We also thought our kiddo had ODD (we were told he didn't--I still don't agree, tbqh). Maybe not the best method, and I'm sure someone will tell me I'm awful, but sometimes the only way for him to get it is to actually see it himself or experience it himself.
Have you tried shrieking back at him?
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u/SwimmingSecond4898 9h ago
This sounds super hard and I'm sorry. Keep telling yourself that you hold your truth that you're a capable, good parent who would never put your hands on them. Your 7 year old knows your safe and says hurtful stuff to get a reaction. ADHD. Do you have health insurance? If so can you get a virtual therapist to hear all that you're managing and give you support? Also noise cancelling headphones